Disclaimer: I do not own Storm Hawks and Slayers.
Love Roulette
"… YOU GOTTA BE KIDDIN' ME!"
The crowd who had heard Lina's raging scream quickly walked away, trying not to get involved in whatever she was mad about. Apparently, she and her friends were partaking in festival activities, mostly the carnival games and food stands. It was when after a disastrous attempt of trying to knock down the bottles (turns out that they were somehow glued together, causing Lina to take extreme measures) that they came across something that made them bring back memories… Unpleasant memories.
In front of her was the so-called "God of Marriage" from her adventures in the Outer World. To refresh on the details, the sorceress along with one dumb swordsman, one moody chimera, one princess, one dragon priestess, and one sneaky Mazoku were heading to a temple where a great power was. But in order to do so, they had to go through various challenges. One of these challenges involved teaming up in boy-girl couple, which showed mixed results. Zelgadis and Lina were fine with each other, Amelia was a bit objective but accepted that she was paired with Gourry, and Filia and Xelloss did not like each other period. After some arguing and mishaps, it was soon revealed that it was just a scam just so the bad guys could steal Gourry's sword and the rest is history.
"… And I think Lina is much more upset at the fact that Jillas tricked us like that instead of the whole God of Marriage thing," Zelgadis concluded as he looked at Aerrow. The sky knight now understood why she freaked out like that. Of course, he felt sorry that Lina, Gourry, Amelia, and Zelgadis had to go through all that trouble. However, he did feel that Lina should have tone down her frustration so that Junko could let her go. Just because someone tricked her didn't mean she could burn the place down.
"Would you like to take a spin with the God of Marriage?" the cloaked woman asked as she looked over at the group with a smirk placed on her face, "It shows a hundred percent accuracy in choosing your destined one and it's completely free." Hearing that, Finn happily volunteered to try it out, only to get pulled away by Piper.
"Before you used that thing to see who would be blind enough to be with you," Her slightly insensitive yet accurate comment just made the blonde to huff in annoyance. "You have to remember that there are plenty of other things to do instead of wasting your time with this."
"Yea! Like more concession stands," Lina said, now back to her normal perky self, "Come on! There are ten more food strands with my name written on it!"
The cloaked woman watched them walk away, seemingly unfazed by this development. "Are you sure? Couples get a free meal when they find one another." That's when Lina stopped in her tracks as she, in all her life, could never turn down from something that involved food (Especially free food). Realizing that, she quickly forced everyone to join her in doing the whole God of Marriage, so she could get a bigger meal out of it. Except for Stork who had more than enough sense (or paranoia) to know when something seemed fishy.
After everyone took a turn spinning the wheel and grabbed their colored ball, they soon realized something was wrong. Unlike the unmentionable event with the previous God of Marriage, this God of Marriage spat out different spheres that didn't match up with anyone else in the group. Seeing their situation at hand, Aerrow asked, "Sorry for bothering you, miss…"
"Just call me Matchmaker for now." The cloaked woman gave off a smile that sent shivers down the sky knight's spine.
"… Yea," he coughed, before continuing, "Anyway, our spheres don't actually match up with each other's."
The woman looked over at the balls before turning back to the boy. "Oh yes, that." Before she could say anything else, she pointed over to her side. "You can find your destined one that way."
The group quickly looked to see a big fenced-off area with a sign that said, "Enter here to find your true love". How everyone completely missed that was truly a mystery.
A couple of minutes on debating whether or not they should go on with this, everyone decided they would split up and search for their "significant" other. Lina, though a bit skeptic after seeing the huge crowd within the perimeter, was still determined to find the person with the same ball as hers and get that free meal. With all the guys she had met while travelling (usually ranging from somewhat okay to an irritatingly pain in the ass), he could be okay. But he could also be just some random jerk that mystery woman paired her up with for laughs. If that was the case, then it would call for some serious payback.
While the sorceress was distracted in thought, she didn't see her surroundings until she felt someone bumped into her. When she didn't hear an apology, she stopped and yelled, "HEY! WATCH IT YOU-!" She soon stopped when she saw who the person was and was in shock. "H-Harrier!"
The sky knight of the Rex Guardians stopped when hearing his name and was equally surprise to see who it was. "L-Lina! What are you doing here!?" He pointed an accusing finger at her, blushing with embarrassment for even being seen by her. After all, she was the most uncouth, bad-tempered witch he had unfortunately met paths with.
"I should be asking you the same thing!" Lina soon gave a sly look that made Harrier cringed. "I would have never thought that you would be into this kind of thing."
He took a step back while trying to remain calm. "I-I'm not!" He then coughed so he could get back into being composed. "I just find it suspicious that someone created this sort of activity at the carnival." Without wasting a beat, the sky knight gave a condemning glare at her. "That still doesn't explain what you are doing here!"
"I'm here for the free food." Lina's very blatant answer caused Harrier to facefault into the ground. Leave it to her very nature to cause shock to morally steadfast. Spinning her orb, she added, "Anyway, you can go back to investigating. I'll be enjoying dinner with my…" Lina was stuck as what to call the person with the matching orb. "Meal ticket." Okay, she could have come up with something better than that.
As he was getting up from the ground, Harrier noticed Lina's orb. "Excuse me, but is that fuchsia?"
Lina soon stopped in her tracks before staring at it through squinted eyes. "… Well, it's some shade of red… Why?" Harrier seemed to grimace before pulling out his own orb, much to Lina's shock and disappointment.
"… OH HELL NO!"
Finn stopped in his tracks, thinking he had heard someone yell, but he went back to searching for the person who had the same colored orb as him. Hopefully, the girl who had it was a cutey, possibly with a great bod, would laugh at his great jokes, like his awesome guitar, and would definitely not nag him like Piper always does. Strangely though, only a few girls seemed to come to mind. Maybe one of them was here.
While he was thinking about whom his soul mate was, he accidently bumped into a very tall person. He was about to run away from the trouble that would come before hearing a loud voice boomed through his ears. "Who dares bump into the Great Naga!"
Finn stopped in his tracks before turning to see a very tall, swimsuit-wearing woman. Her beach-model body looked so stunning that he was feeling a bit light-headed from staring at it. The woman leaned forward towards him, at first examining him before looking at his orb.
She stood quietly for a couple of seconds before groping Finn into a hug. "Oh my! I didn't imagine my new eating partner would be so short! Not that I'm complaining! I actually find short people to be quite cute. In fact, I used to have a partner who I consider to be my greatest rival and she's about the same height as you. I wonder if that means you can eat just as much as her."
Finn, still stunned from seeing Naga, just let her spin his body around. He didn't know whether to die happy or not.
At the same time, Gourry had forgotten about the search as his and was now looking for the food. He hoped that the lady at the entrance didn't mind him eating before finding the person. He was really hungry and it would be better if he had a full stomach. Besides, he was sure that there was food here. He could smell it from his position.
After following the smell, he came across a tent that stood near the border of the meeting area. The sign in front of it said, "Free Food for Couples" so this must have been where the food was being kept. Gourry peeked inside to see a cake that sparkled underneath the spotlight. Drooling, he rushed over to dive into that cake before being stopped by a chibi-angel that looked strangely like Amelia.
"Stop right there, Mister Gourry!" Chibi Amelia proclaimed, "As your conscious, I can't allow you to eat that cake. It's extremely unjust to just gorge by yourself!" Chibi Amelia did have a good point. It wouldn't be fair to anyone if he ate the cake by himself. And Lina…
Then, a chibi devil Lina popped up on Gourry's other shoulder and said, "Hey, what's wrong with gorging by yourself? Besides, that sign out there said this cake was free. The right thing to do is to eat that cake before anyone else!"
"But it also says that it's for couples too!" Chibi Amelia shouted, "It's still unjust for Mister Gourry to eat the cake without finding his love first!"
"Who cares! It's still free food!"
As both Chibi Amelia and Chibi Lina were getting into an argument about whether he should eat the cake or not, Gourry soon looked up to see a Chibi Stork on top of his head. Blinking, he asked, "Are you going to tell me if should eat the cake or not?"
"Oh, I'm just here to tell you that the cake might be a poison." After a while, Chibi Stork spoke up again, "On second thought, eat the cake." Now, Gourry was really confused. Should he eat the cake or not?
Before he could come up with a decision, he heard Chibi Lina said, "Well, if you're not going to eat it, I will!" Gourry watched as she made a dive for the cake and began to eat. In an instance, he dove in after her.
"Hey! No fair!" Grabbing a piece of cake, he happily began to eat it. "Hey, this really is good cake." After eating a couple more bites, he was then clunked on the head by a very heavy object and knocked out. Afterwards, he was dragged away into the shadows by something sinister.
"I refused! I refused to accept this!" Amelia shouted to the heavens, "Ravess shouldn't be with Mister Zelgadis! At least Miss Starling should be his second choice!"
Zelgadis rubbed his head as he couldn't believe it either. It took him a couple minutes to find the person with the same colored orb as his own and strangely enough, it was Ravess. He didn't even want to know why she was here and frankly, he didn't care. Amelia seeing her as someone who was going to be with him for the rest of his life was enough to know that this wasn't going to end well.
Apparently, Ravess didn't like Amelia's outburst as he mouth twisted into an irritated frown. "Oh really? Then if that lone wolf sky knight is his second choice, who's his first then?" Once the question clicked into the princess' head, she began to panic while blushing madly. She didn't want to tell who she thought Zelgadis should be with. If she told, that would ruin their friendship and he would never speak to her again.
Zelgadis, not wanting this to escalate into unnecessary matters, finally spoke, "It's fine, Amelia. You don't have to say another word about who you think I should be with." Amelia reverted back to normal, now knowing that Zelgadis didn't care about her intimate thoughts at the moment. But he wasn't done just yet. "However, I have a few things to say about your so-called soul mate."
Amelia sweatdropped while Leugy who was carrying the same colored orb as her blinked. "Uhh, I thought this was the Lost & Found place. I can't seem to find my brothers."
As the pudgy raptor smile childishly, Zelgadis began to think about all the reasons why this wasn't going to end well. The most prominent one was that Prince Philolnel would throw a hissy fit (and much more) if he had learned his daughter was with a beastman rogue who didn't know much about anything. Of course, there was the possibility that he could think that this was all a joke… Hopefully.
It wasn't too long before Piper, Finn, and Junko came back with their find (except Finn was being carried by his partner since he was still unconscious). Piper's partner was a red-haired man named Hallas Ryuz, who was begging her to marry him to which she and the other girls backed away in disgust (Amelia said she would explain it later). Junko's wasn't even human but instead the fish-lady, Miss Mermaid. Zelgadis didn't want to know the story behind Finn and his one. Still, he sucked up his harshest cynicism and said, "At least you did better than us."
"Oh really?" Piper said as she continued to inch away from Hallas. True, it wasn't like Amelia's and Zelgadis' were perfect choices for them either, not because they were bad guys of course. However, hers was somebody who was making her skin crawl for no reason, Finn found someone who was even brasher than him, and Junko was with a fish that had legs.
Although Junko didn't seem to be bothered by it. "Well, she seems pretty nice, even if she's older than me." He then took a glance over at Zelgadis and Ravess for a moment. "… Huh, thought you'd be with Starling if not Amelia. Guess she's not here then."
The chimera stood stoic, if not a bit curious to why people would think that while Ravess pouted off to the side. He thought he heard her muttered about she was as just as good to which he offered no rebuttal.
"Hey, guys."
Everyone then turned their heads to see Aerrow with a green-haired girl that Zelgadis and Amelia immediately recognized. They also noticed the slightly embarrassed sky knight rubbing the back of his head. "So… This is Miwan. She's from the kingdom of Femille. And after talking for a bit, she thinks I'm sweet."
Before something else could go horribly wrong (which has happened in the past), Zelgadis grabbed Aerrow and took him away from hearing range. "Aerrow, did Miwan say anything else to you? Anything at all."
The sky knight looked at him like he was crazy and said, "… No, why would she?" Zelgadis sighed and had no choice but to tell him the story of how the group had to go to Femille to find a Claire Bible copy, how the guys had to crossdress as women in order not to get killed there, and how he was slowly falling in love with Miwan before finding out how she was really a he.
After telling the whole thing, Aerrow was still thinking about the whole thing. "Oh…" Then, he finally let the truth sink in. "Oh!" Then, his face turned much redder as he became more agitated. Apparently, he was still in the process of figuring these things out.
And strangely enough, it was the sky knight's embarrassment that caused Finn to snap back to reality. "Dude, what's wrong with you?"
"It's nothing, Finn!" Aerrow answered back in a nervous tone. If there was one thing he didn't need, it was his sharpshooter telling everyone how he was paired up with a boy.
Apparently, his answer didn't work with Finn's partner. "OOOH HOHOHOHOHO! Apparently, he doesn't know when a lady really likes him." She then went on to continue her obnoxious laughter before being interrupted by Amelia.
"Gracia, would you please stop laughing?"
Naga stopped her laughing in an instant before grabbing a mask and putting it over her face. "Who is this "Gracia" person you're talking about?! I am Naga the White Serpent!" While she was sure that her disguise had fooled them, Amelia and everyone around her were not that blind.
It wasn't before long until Lina came back with Harrier in tow. Seeing the very inequitable couples before her, she sighed. "Well, at least you aren't with Mister Nitpick over here." Harrier simply glared at her, wanting to say something back at her. But remembering that she can total a town, he decided to remain silent.
There were a few moments before Amelia spoke up, "Where's Gourry?"
Junko blinked before looking around. "Yea, where is he?"
"Knowing him, he's forgotten about the whole thing and went back to the concession stands." Lina replied, crossing her arms. "He may be a jellyfish brain, but at least he has at least avoided this catastrophe. Makes me wish I thought of it in the first place."
After saying that, they all heard screaming in the air.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Come back, Miss Lulu! We can still work this out!"
"Wait! Wait! Wait! I still haven't married you under the Unholy Macaroni yet!"
Everyone looked over to see Gourry running in a wedding dress and being chased by the Talon that everyone had forgotten about (Commander Chicken Feathers). He was also being chased by Deep Sea Dolphin who was carrying a deadly food concoction and wearing a priest uniform. It was at that moment that everyone who wasn't completely oblivious had figured that this whole God of Marriage thing was all a joke.
The matchmaker, overhearing the angry commotion happening in the area, smirked and closed a book she was reading about Troll Romances. "I should've come up with this scheme years ago. It's so much filling to put the most unlikely of people together."
It was at this moment that Xelloss popped up, sweatdropping. "Indeed, Lord Beastmaster. But can we discuss this idea about me being together with Miss Filia?"
Zelas thought about it before finally speaking, "Give me a few days and then we'll discuss it."
Author's Notes:
Hi! I've gotten done with this V-Day Crossover Drabble and it was really fun to write! Also, I would like to note that I do not support any of the pairings shown here. These were joke pairings... As in I hope not to write about them ever again.
Also, I was planning on writing an epilogue about how there were peeps avoided the whole thing. But due to time and not thinking that it may not be as funny as ending it on Xelloss talking with Zelas, I had to cut it. It wasn't that much anyway and I hoped you still enjoyed this.
Anyway, Please Read and Review!