"So why do I say,

things I don't really mean?

I'm only crying cuz I never dreamed,

It'd take this long."

-Don't Think Twice, Hikaru Utada

I woke up in the middle of a forest. It smelled like cloves.

For a second, before I opened my eyes, I thought I was somewhere else. Somewhere warm. I could almost feel the metal handle of a frying pan as I sat up, and I stared at my empty hands until the sleepiness went away.

I was surrounded by trees so tall that I had to tilt my head all the way back to see the tops. Mint green leaves filled the sky, clustered so close together that I couldn't see through them. They gave everything around me a pale green glow. It was darker than Amegakure at midday, but not at night. And there was no rain.

I kept expecting to hear it, like the skies would open at any second and it would be a downpour. But I only heard baby slugs slithering through the grass around me and their soft mewling. Most of them couldn't talk yet.

It was the warmest I ever felt. I stretched my arms above my head and got up. The grass was almost as tall as I was, the blades curled into a 'p' shape. A pale-yellow slime the size of my hand climbed on top of a purple mushroom with pink spots twice its size.

When it grew to be as big as Namekuji it would follow the river to a steep waterfall, and then far down to a mist-filled chasm where all the adult slugs lived. I carefully waded through the grass, eyes on the ground, watching for baby slugs.

After a minute of walking, the grass thinned. I stepped off the dirt and onto ground that was a shiny black, covered in wavy grooves. It lined the bank of a wide river made of silver slime. It moved sluggishly to the right. The same black rock made up the bank on the other side. The baby slimes were supposed to stay away from it, because they wouldn't be able to come back up if they fell in it and were swept off the cliff.

I followed the river in the opposite direction, to the left. Soon enough, the river widened into a pond. In the middle sat Naga, shirtless, submerged up to his waist. He was under another, smaller waterfall that poured off the side of a hill. Silver slime dribbled down his hair and across his shoulders.

It had been a long time since I saw his scars like this. They were light pink and faded, but stood out against his pale skin. It wasn't one big burn stretching along his right side but a lot of small ones, scattered and patchy. I was used to the ones on his face, but the scars on his chest made me think of—

Ibuse. Chibi. The shirt with the bite marks that I was too big to wear. I still bunched it up and used it as a pillow sometimes.

The slime pouring on him was supposed to reverse the effects of taking in too much nature energy, though it would sting and break his concentration when he did.

I stayed on the bank but moved closer. Naga's eyebrow twitched. "Oka," he said, trying hard not to smile. "I'm trying to focus."

I stopped. I didn't really understand what he was trying to do, but I knew it was important to him. "Keep working hard," I instructed him, backing off.

I looked up the hill. At the top was Lady Chiyoko and the cave where the slugs were born.I found a handhold in the dirt and climbed up the hill. Neon colored mushrooms poked out of the dirt around me.

I gave Naga one last look at the top before I pulled myself over the side.

The cave was huge. Blue algae hung from the ceiling and fluorescent green mushrooms grew out of the grass around the mouth of the cave. Still forming slugs were contained in sacs on the walls, shaped like rocks, but see-through. Some were cracked open and silver goo dripped onto the floor and joined a stream leading down to the waterfall.

"Little sprout," a high, polite voice greeted me.

Lady Chiyoko was the only slug I'd ever seen with wrinkled skin. She sounded old and was the color of dried oranges. She was the oldest slug in the forest and cared for all the baby slugs until they grew up. "Going to explore the Sacred Cave again?"

Namekuji called her 'grandmother'.

"Maybe," I said with a half-shrug.

Newborn slugs clung to her front and sides. "You don't have to keep coming here with Nagato," she said, shuffling closer. Slugs fell off her body like raindrops. "It must be awfully dull."

I shrugged again and sat, crossing my legs. I picked moss off my feet. My sandals were too small to wear now, so I left them behind. "Could I be a slug sage too?"

Lady Chiyoko stopped and didn't answer right away. "You can't," she finally said, apologetic but firm.

I looked up. "Why not?"

"Training with natural energy is extremely dangerous and taxing on the human body," she said. "It's very rare to find someone compatible with our type of senjutsu. Nagato's inherited vitality and large chakra pool is why he can succeed in this where everyone else has failed."

"I have a lot of chakra too," I protested.

Lady Chiyoko hesitated. "It's best I don't interfere," she murmured. "You're already quite special, little sprout."

I let out a breath. I hated that word. Special. No one ever told me what it really meant. "That's not a reason," I said.

"Your chakra coils are still developing," Lady Chiyoko said quickly. "Trying to take in nature energy now may damage them. It's best to wait until you're older before you attempt it. If you form a contract with us and still wish to do so in the future, you may return to ask again."

I stared at her for a moment, then went back to flicking off moss. "I'm too small right now?" I clarified.

"Yes," Lady Chiyoko said.

Spending all her time around babies made her a bad liar. Even Konan was better at it. My brows furrowed. Why lie? Why would being 'special' make it so I couldn't be a slug sage? Why didn't she want to tell me the real reason?

Knowing that Lady Chiyoko would only lie if I asked again, I let it go and smiled at her. "I'll come back when I'm bigger," I promised firmly.

"I look forward to it," Lady Chiyoko said, with the slightest hesitation.

I hummed. Why tell me I could come back if she would just say no?

"I understand why you might be reluctant to leave Nagato," Lady Chiyoko said, eager to change the subject. "It's become apparent that he prefers to spend his time here, rather than within your shinobi village."

I focused on the mushrooms around the cave. Five days ago, Naga left Namekuji to watch over Yahiko, Konan, and me, and had Lady Chiyoko reverse summon him to Shikkotsu Forest. He said he would be back in a few hours.

It had been hard for him since Usagi.

"Your world is a very difficult place for someone with a gentle heart, isn't it?" Lady Chiyoko asked softly.

Less than a day ago, Namekuji put a reverse summoning seal on the ground, had me stand on it, and had Naga summon me to the forest.

I missed him, and I wanted to be sure he was safe.

Here, there was no war, no Root, and Naga didn't have to kill anyone. He worried about Yahiko and Konan, but they had Mamoru and Namekuji. He had more of a reason to stay with me here.

My fists clenched.

"At least for now, it's more beneficial Nagato stay here until he learns to take in natural energy safely," Lady Chiyoko said. "But, eventually, he will need to realize that humans are not meant to live within this forest, and he can't use this place as a means of escape forever. It will take him longer to do this if even one person he cares deeply for stays here."

I ground my teeth. What if I left and... he didn't come back?

But I wasn't helping either of us by staying here. I couldn't train—the baby slugs were sensitive to chakra and using enough for ninjutsu would hurt them. I was back at the beginning before Mamoru-sensei, only left with taijutsu.

I was holding us both back.

I stood, fists clenched. I was starting to hate feeling helpless. I moved around Lady Chiyoko and knelt at the edge of the hill. If I leaned over, I could just barely see Naga's hair through all the silver.

You better come back—

I heard a poof behind me. I turned and when the smoke cleared, I saw a slug almost as big as Lady Chiyoko, with three familiar stripes running down her back. Katsuyu. I blinked.

"Lady Tsunade has requested an audience, my lady. She wishes to ask you to aid her in the upcoming war by allowing her to summon a few of the others to the battlefield—" Katsuyu stopped suddenly. Her tentacles turned towards me and she gasped.

Tsunade.

Tsunade, who left without a goodbye, a note, or leaving Katsuyu behind to tell us she was gone. Tsunade, who I most remembered for hurting the people I loved and making my brother cry. The anger was as sudden as being struck by lightning.

Lightning? What was—

"Oka?" Katsuyu asked in surprise. "Is that you?"

I didn't turn around.

"Lady Tsunade would be overjoyed to learn how much you've improved since the last time we met," Katsuyu said. "You've gained Lady Chiyoko's favor—and you've done it so young. Lady Tsunade always wanted to bring an apprentice to our home."

I seethed. Was this what it felt like to hate someone?

"I could pass a message along to Lady Tsunade, if you'd like," Katsuyu said tentatively to fill the silence.

A message...?

I burst out laughing, though none of this was funny. I stood and spun on my heel to face Katsuyu. "I've got a message for you," I said sweetly. "Tell Tsunade I'll never forgive her. Not until the day I die."

Katsuyu drew back like my words burned her. Lady Chiyoko stared at me, but I only smiled.

"Tell her that I hate her," I chirped. "And that if she steps foot in Amegakure again, I'll kill her myself."

A hand covered my mouth before I could say more, and Naga, tense, pulled me back against him. "I'm sorry, Lady Katusyu, Lady Chiyoko," he blurted out. "She didn't mean it."

I stared and stared at Katsuyu, hoping the burn of my gaze said what my mouth couldn't.

Naga made a clumsy attempt at a bow and stepped back, pulling me off the hill with him. I felt the pull of gravity for a second before Naga flipped in mid-air, turning the world upside down. He landed on his feet on the surface of the pond.

Lady Chiyoko was at the edge of the hill, looking down at us.

Naga inhaled when he saw her, grabbed my hand, and quickly pulled me behind the waterfall. I sputtered as I was doused in a layer of goo, but he didn't let go until we were completely out of sight. Then he knelt, turned me to face him as I shook goo out of my hair, and grabbed my shoulders.

His eyes were wide and concerned. He searched my eyes. "Tell me you didn't mean that."

"I did," I said easily. I didn't feel angry anymore, but still, I meant every word.

Shock flashed in his eyes.

I patted his cheek. "She hurt you the most, so I'll hurt her."

Naga shook his head hard. "Oka, no. I don't want you to hurt people because they hurt me."

I hummed. "Then I'll do it because I want to."

Naga stared at me. "Oka, you shouldn't want to kill people," he squeezed my arms, a little desperately. "You should never want to hurt someone else unless there's no other choice. You know that, right?"

I looked at my hands. "Then what do I with all this anger? Where does it go?"

"You don't direct it at other people," he told me firmly. "You have to push it down and ignore it."

That didn't help. I had been keeping it down. It's why it burned me up inside when Katsuyu mentioned her. I dropped my hands.

Naga leaned forward, forehead against my stomach. I could feel him shaking. "I should've found another way—against Usagi," he said. "I summoned Namekuji because I was so angry and now—" He stopped and took a shuddering breath. "You don't want that burden, Oka. You don't."

"I wish I could've killed her for you," I said quietly.

Naga jerked back. "No, you don't!" he said roughly.

"Why not?" I asked him.

Naga looked up at me and his eyes went wide. I saw the exact moment he realized that I didn't see what he'd done to Usagi as wrong. He sagged and let go. "Because what I did—it was wrong, Oka."

"Why does it make you feel so bad?" I asked. "She would've killed me and taken you away."

"That's not—" Naga stopped and sighed. "Usagi—she's gone forever because of me. Her life was still valuable, even if she was our enemy."

I thought about that, staring at the bumpy wall of the cave. "More valuable than mine?"

Naga pressed his hands against his face. "How I feel isn't about how much danger we were in. If you were safe and I did that to her—I would feel the same way."

I was trying to understand. I tilted my head at him. "If we were there again, would you still kill her?"

Naga shuddered, shrinking into himself, and didn't answer.

"Why did you cry for her?" I asked. She didn't deserve his tears.

"I'd rather cry for every single person I have to kill than get used to it even once," he said raggedly.

Naga was right in front of me, but I felt like miles were between us. "Why is this making you so sad?"

He dropped his hands. "Because I failed you, and I never even knew it," he said. "And now it's too late to fix it."

"No, you didn't," I denied. "You always took care of me, even when it was hard."

Naga didn't smile like he was supposed to. He closed his eyes.

"You said you didn't regret it, but then you cried," I murmured.

Naga shook his head sadly, "I don't regret stopping her. I regret that she died."

Wasn't that the same thing?

Naga looked up at me. His smile was tiny and shaky, "Will you still kill Tsunade, Oka?"

"Maybe," I answered.

Naga pulled me into a tight hug. He didn't say anything for a long while. "Don't blame Lady Katsuyu," he murmured. "She didn't know. Tsunade told her some stuff, but not all of it."

I patted his back. "I'll always love you the most, Naga."

He squeezed me tighter. "I know."

スペース

My right leg connected with Yahiko's wrist, my foot hovering next to his face for a second before I twisted, swinging my left foot towards his neck.

Yahiko blocked the kick with his free hand, making a half-seal with the other as I fell away from him. His eyes never left mine. His chest puffed up, mouth filling with water.

Two could play at that game. I landed on my feet and leapt back, flashing through half-seals with my left hand. Tiger. Boar. Hare. Dog.

Yahiko spat a bullet of water at me, half as tall but twice as wide as he was. I grinned and slammed my right hand on the ground, channeling chakra into the mud. The ground cracked and shook, rumbling as an earth wall shot up in front of me.

The wall was still growing when the water bullet smacked into it, splashing water around the sides.

"You're getting fast, Oka," Yahiko praised.

The bullet would've dented the other side. I pressed my back against the wall. Yahiko used enough chakra to hurt, but not enough to do real damage. He was the only one who ever sparred with me semi-seriously.

"Or maybe you're getting slow," I taunted.

Yahiko hadn't moved since we started sparring. He was tall. Taller than he was last week, and taller still than he was the week before that. He fought with more caution than before, his balance off, still getting used to his long limbs.

"I miss when you were little," Yahiko said wistfully. "You were like a wild dog, but you never insulted me like you do now. What happened?"

My grin widened. "I ate her."

I made the clone seal, but I needed both hands to do it. I pressed my palms against the ground, feeding the earth a quarter of my chakra, and mud twisted up in front of me, hardening into a copy of myself. Color bled into the clone until I was staring at my mirror-image.

I saw her mesh armor, mostly covered by a green shirt a size too big. Mamoru told me I would grow into it, but also that he wouldn't get me another one if I didn't.

Clone me ran out into the open. I grabbed a kunai from the pocket Naga sowed into my pants, squeezing the handle as I peeked around the wall. The other me leapt at Yahiko.

He caught her punch in one hand and she popped like a balloon. Mud splattered everywhere, aiming for his eyes, nose, and mouth. His other hand was already up, predicting the move, and most of the mud missed their targets. Streaks of brown dripped down his cheeks and forehead.

I threw the kunai anyway. Yahiko took a step back and it sailed harmlessly past him. "That only worked once, Oka. It won't get me again—" the back of his ankle collided with Namekuji's body and he tipped backwards. Yahiko could've caught himself, I knew, but instead he let himself hit the mud with a wet thud.

"It worked three times," Konan chimed.

Namekuji squirmed out from under him in pieces, then reformed next to Yahiko's head.

Yahiko, arms and legs spread out, stared blankly at him.

"I'm helping," Namekuji said, though his tone said he'd done it simply because he could.

"The god of peace, bested by a slug," Konan teased. She was off to the side, a small pile of paper on the ground in front of her. She was supposed to be trying to channel earth chakra into the slips and clump them together to form a spear.

Mamoru-sensei didn't open his eyes. He sat back against a wall of the hideout, hand on his stomach.

"I'm starting to want slug soup for dinner," Yahiko said.

"It wouldn't be good," Namekuji said back. "Sour, and my acid would melt a hole through your stomach, if it gets that far."

"I'll take my chances," Yahiko said begrudgingly.

I shifted out from behind the wall and sat opposite of Namekuji, crossing my legs. "I win," I told Yahiko.

Yahiko turned his head just long enough to look at me blankly, then glared at Namekuji. "Slug soup with salt," he emphasized.

"I don't see how that would change the taste."

"The revenge would taste sweet enough."

Namekuji didn't answer. He turned, staring out past the flatland to a cluster of thick, bushy trees that circled the area. A second later Konan went still, eyes shooting in the same direction. Clumps of paper floated up, folding against her body like a second skin.

Yahiko sat up fast. I looked too, but I couldn't see anyone. Instead, I heard a branch crack, the sound of loud, lumbering footsteps. Harsh, uneven breathing.

Mamoru-sensei was abruptly standing on the roof of the hideout like he'd always been there. I watched him stiffen, surprise rippling across his face. Yahiko was looking at him too.

I stood as a large man hobbled out of the trees. I looked up and up at him. He was taller than Mamoru-sensei, wider than Naga and Yahiko would be standing side-by-side. He stopped, staring at us. His left eye was swollen shut, blood spilling over his eyelids and painting red lines down to his chin. His face was bruised, flak jacket crusted with sweat and blood and mud. One of his hands covered a chest wound, the other over part of his stomach.

He took a step forward, eyes on Mamoru, mouth opening. His legs gave out. No one moved when he hit the ground, loud enough that a group of birds took flight.

Yahiko glanced back at Mamoru. "Sensei, do you know—"

"Get Nagato," he interrupted, terse. A kunai appeared in his hand, his eyes darting from the man to the trees. He disappeared with a swirl of water.

A beat passed.

"Namekuji," Yahiko said.

Namekuji glanced at the ground. A reverse summoning seal appeared on the ground in front of him.

A puff of smoke and then Naga was standing on the seal, shirtless, slime goo on his head. He blinked. He'd gotten tall too. More than Konan, less than Yahiko.

I hadn't seen him in weeks. My fingers curled into half-fists.

Yahiko pointed behind him and Naga turned, making a surprised noise when he saw the man. Blood and rain slowly mixed in the grass, forming pink puddles. Still he hesitated, glancing at Yahiko.

Yahiko gave him a lazy grin. "Need me to remind you how much we believe in you?" he asked.

Naga smiled a little, shaking his head. "I didn't know if he was trustworthy," he explained. "But you wouldn't have brought me back if he wasn't." He tied his hair back, walking towards the man. "I doubted myself once. I won't do it again."

"Finally!" Konan cheered.

"What should I do?" I asked Yahiko. Because watching Naga made me feel helpless and angry.

Lady Chiyoko lied. I left and he still didn't come back.

Yahiko stroked his chin, looking at something over my head. "We should help Nagato," he decided.

Naga was on his knees, struggling to roll the man over.

"You could ask for help, you know," Konan called, rolling her eyes as she went to help him.

It took all four of us to push him onto his back.

I sat back, breathing hard, watching Naga mutter to himself. His glowing hands were hovering over the man's chest wound.

Yahiko stood, facing Konan. "You should help Mamoru-sensei out," he said. "'Don't think he needs it, but it won't hurt to have a sensor in case Root did follow him."

Tadao had been followed by Root too. I looked at the man, and I knew who he was.

Osamu.

Did Hanzo the bastard do this to you too?

Konan sat up, hands on her knees. "Only if we have broiled fish for dinner," she said.

Yahiko paused. "Mamoru-sensei could be in a fight right now."

"He isn't," Naga quietly murmured.

"He could be hurt, Konan," Yahiko went on.

"Nagato just got back and you're ignoring him already?"

"I thought you were his student," Yahiko said, ignoring that too.

Konan scoffed. "We're all his students."

"The favorite, leaving him to die," Yahiko lamented.

"All you have to do is say yes, Yahiko," Konan deadpanned.

"I'll have to tell him all about how you abandoned him when he gets back."

I tuned them out, shifting closer to Naga. I didn't look at him.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair.

Why did baby slugs get to spend more time with my brother than I did?

"Will he be okay?" I asked, because Naga told me to shove down my anger.

"He should be," Naga said distractedly. "The wounds look deep, but the blade only cut into the fatty tissue in his stomach and didn't reach his lungs, which I was worried about. Something ruptured a blood vessel in his eye, but I need to fix this first..." he trailed off.

I hummed, though I only understood about half of what he said. "Why isn't Namekuji helping you?"

"I'm hungry," Namekuji said in answer. He inched closer, then, ignoring my confusion, slithered up Naga's back and settled half-draped over his shoulder.

Naga's eyes cleared, brows furrowing. "I'm using it," he murmured, almost too quiet for me to hear.

"You have a lot of chakra," Namekuji drawled. "You can spare some. And you owe me. You didn't say you'd be gone this long. Yahiko's hard to look after. He doesn't like to stay still."

Naga smiled faintly. "I know," he murmured. He started muttering again.

"Fine, fine," Konan said behind me. "I'll go. But you better not start another fire!"

"That was so long ago. Your brain will rot if you keep holding onto the past, you know," Yahiko said.

Konan snorted, then went after Mamoru.

"I thought you liked beetles," I said, looking back at Namekuji.

"I do. They're crunchy," Namekuji told me.

I stuck out my tongue in disgust.

"But I can't live off them," he continued. "You can't live off of apples, can you?"

"I can," I said with absolute certainty.

Namekuji ignored me. He was staring at the back of Naga's head.

"I wished he was here too," it was a breath of a whisper, so quiet I couldn't hear myself.

Namekuji looked at me anyway.

I looked away.

A/N: スペース - Space

I planned to use the first half of this chapter to explain how Namekuji's acid works. You get the wild war child instead.

Osamu is technically a canon character. Look up 'original Akatsuki' and he's the big guy. You'll know the one. I'm not sure if he was named or had any lines, but his name is Osamu now.

Yahiko - 12

Nagato/Konan - 11

Oka - 8

Oh and, because I am a cruel and vindictive God, I'd like to take a moment to remind everyone that Yahiko died at 15.