"Woken by my tears I watch the rising sun,

Feel my fear arise in my tainted heart,

"'It's alright,' you whisper yet I still could see it wasn't true,

Have you been crying too?"

-Magnet, Lollia feat. Lizz Robinett

Gripping the wall for support, I leaned down and peered into a dark hole. I barely saw the shine of transparent fish eggs sticking to the surface.

My chest burned with the need for air. I watched them for another second before pushing away. I swam up, pumping my arms until I broke the surface gasping. I rubbed water out of my eyes.

I lost count of how long I was under after a little over six minutes.

Kota sat at the edge of the bank. Her lower legs were in the water, pants uselessly rolled up. She didn't look up, staring at the silver-green fish circling her feet.

I ran my fingers along the side of a big one as it passed. It didn't twitch.

"Why're you nice to me?" Kota asked, narrowing her eyes at the water. "Why're any of you? It—" Her fingers curled against her knees. "—It's not normal."

Normal.

Normal was eating rats and ants to live. It was a merchant being surprised that people could be kind. It was my brother, killing to protect himself.

"I already said why," I told her with a bright smile. "I want to feed—"

"No!" Kota shouted, pulling her feet up. She stared at her knees. "You did. You still do. You gave me your clothes. Why? What d'ya want? Ever'one wants somethin',"

I swam to the bank, pulled myself up out of the water, and sat next to her. "I don't," I said quietly.

Kota turned her face away. "Then your friends?" Her hands were looped tightly around her legs, fighting to hide her trembling.

My smile slipped away. "No one wants anything from you, Kota."

She tore up handfuls of grass and chucked them in the water. "Why're you tryin' so bad to trick me?"

"I'm not," I insisted. "We only want peace—"

"Stuff it," Kota hissed. "Think they haven' told me that? Over and over and over. Do you know how ta' think for yourself? Bet they told you to come 'an play with me."

I looked to my reflection for guidance, as if mirror-me would offer the answer on what to say to Kota. I could hear how afraid she was. Too afraid to trust, to let her guard down.

What did Naga say before?

Tell me I'm making you sad and I'll understand.

Could that work on other people too?

I laid back on the grass. "I want to see the sun," I told her, lifting a hand to the sky, as if I could grasp it if I could just reach beyond the gray clouds. "Naga took me to a forest full of slugs once, and it was so warm, but I still couldn't see the sun. I know what it looks like, 'cause of Yahiko, but that's just a drawing. It's not the sun."

I dropped my hand. "It's brighter than fire, big, and hot. But it doesn't burn, and it doesn't hurt. I want to know what it's like to be hot," I breathed. "I want to stop the rain, 'cause I'm tired of being cold and wet all the time."

"And I want to see the sun here first," I added. "But all the rain and clouds are in the way." I turned, faltering when I saw that Kota was looking up, eyes glowing, imagining my rendition of the sun. "That's why..." I trailed off, but I was out of words.

Kota looked at me that same way Mamoru-sensei looked at Yahiko, the first time he told him he wanted to be a god.

But I didn't give a speech. I only said what I felt.

I sat up and felt embarrassed. I looked away. "That's why," I said again.

Kota didn't respond. I counted to twenty-three before I heard shuffling, and then the soft splash of her putting her feet back in the water. "Your sensei—he's teachin' me to fight. He said so before but..." she trailed off. "What if I don' wanna learn?"

My brows furrowed. "Why not?" I asked. "You've already been fighting this whole time. It's different than fighting to live, but not really."

Kota's eyes went wide.

"And," I said, stretching out the word. "You need to be strong to help us stop the rain."

Kota jerked her head away and scooted forward, back to me, furiously wiping at her eyes. "I'll only do it if I get to see the sun too."

"Deal."

リーチ

I stood just outside the hideout, arms wrapped around Namekuji, watching Kota train with Osamu and Konan.

Osamu absorbed a punch to his middle. "Stand like this," he instructed, planting his feet. "Throw all your weight into the punch, not just your arm."

"Haa!" Kota threw herself forward—and missed. Her punch went wide, passing Osamu entirely. She stumbled to the side, throwing her hands out to catch herself when she almost fell. Her pupils were small and hazy.

Behind her, Konan smiled, making the Rat seal. It was practice for her too. "You stopped paying attention to me to focus on Osamu," she teased. "But I used a simple one this time."

Breathing hard, Kota cocked her head towards Konan but didn't move.

Osamu took a purposeful step back, feet squishing loudly in the mud.

Kota turned and swung her fist without lifting her head, knuckles glancing off Osamu's hip.

Konan clapped. "You're getting better."

Kota blinked a few times and shook her head hard.

I smiled and turned away.

"I'm hungry," Namekuji said.

"You can have my chakra," I offered, walking under the roof to the opposite corner of the hideout.

Mamoru-sensei stood out of the rain, leaning back against the wall, supervising Yahiko and Joji.

They stood feet away from each other, wielding large, skinny branches they called practice swords.

Namekuji made a disgruntled noise.

"You don't like my chakra?" I asked as I sat, lowering him into my lap.

"It's smelly, like you."

I poked his side, hard enough that my finger dented his body. I knew he didn't like it, because he started squirming.

"You and your hands," Namekuji said venomously, but didn't leave my lap. "You're not a sensor," he explained heatedly.

I removed my finger, wiping slime off on the grass. "So?"

"I like being able to sense things."

I hummed. "Why don't you eat Konan's chakra then?"

"It's different," he stressed. "I don't care what type of chakra any of you have."

"But you'd still be able to sense," I pointed out.

"Barely," Namekuji scoffed. "Her range is small. Tiny. Puny—"

I poked his side again and he made angry noises at me.

"You do that, but it's true," Namekuji grumbled. "I bet she can't even sense the one-armed man from over there—"

I poked him harder.

Mamoru-sensei glanced over in mild interest.

Yahiko raised the practice sword over his head and charged, yelling a battle cry.

Joji held his diagonally in front of him. He waited until Yahiko was close, then spun around an attack, whacking the hilt hard between Yahiko's shoulders.

Yahiko fell and groaned, sword tumbling away.

Joji signed something at Mamoru. Jagged scars crisscrossed his neck and disappeared down the front of his black shirt. There were smaller ones too, pale pink instead of white and neater, from the cuts Naga made.

"You're holding it like a club and not a sword," Mamoru-sensei translated begrudgingly. "You have to treat it like an extension of your body, not something separate from it."

Yahiko pushed himself up. He was panting, knuckles bruised. He spat mud, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Understood, sensei."

Joji stared at him with sharp, critical eyes as he stumbled over and picked up his sword.

Yahiko mimicked the way Joji held his and lowered his stance, closer to the one he used for taijutsu.

Joji looked at him, then signed again.

"Your feet are still too far apart," Mamoru-sensei said.

Yahiko adjusted. He ran at Joji, swinging the sword at his neck.

Before he could connect, Joji's fist was deep in his side. Yahiko made a strangled sound and crumpled, coughing. Joji looked at him for a second, then lowered his sword. With his other hand, he signed at Mamoru.

"That's enough for today."

Yahiko shook his head. He got his feet under him and stood. "Not yet," he rasped, raising his sword.

Joji didn't move. He made a gesture at Mamoru.

"You've taken enough of a beating," he translated. "Are you that eager for more?"

Mud dyed Yahiko's hair a murky brown. Splotches of it stained his clothes. Still, he grinned. "No," he breathed. "But I'm not done," he charged again, swinging his sword in a sideways strike.

Joji batted it away and twisted, digging the point hard into Yahiko's stomach.

Yahiko dropped to his hands and knees, wheezing, clutching his middle.

I traced the stripes on Namekuji's back. He was asleep.

Joji eyes narrowed. He signed with more agitation at Mamoru.

"I'm telling you to rest for your own good," Mamoru-sensei translated blandly. "If you're going to be stubborn about this, then I'm wasting my time."

And I smiled, because it was the wrong thing to say to Yahiko.

Yahiko grabbed his weapon and got up. He wobbled, but didn't fall, the tip of his sword dragging in the mud. He took a deep breath, and then he swung at his sword at Joji again.

Joji brought the hilt down on Yahiko's back, and he dropped with a thud. Joji's eyes were slits as he signed again.

"Are you so afraid of failure?"

Yahiko laughed. He was still laughing as he struggled onto his knees. "No, sensei," he panted. He wedged a foot in the mud, pushed against his knee, and made himself stand. "I can fail, but I'll be on my feet when I do."

Joji stared at him. He shook his head, threw down his sword, and walked away. He made a rapid sign at Mamoru as he went, but he didn't translate.

"What did he say?" I asked.

Mamoru-sensei followed Joji's retreat, then closed his eyes. "Let's just say he isn't happy with Yahiko and leave it at that."

把握

Naga ducked, barely avoiding Yahiko's punch.

"Who do you think'll win?" Konan asked, on my left, leaning close to me and Kota.

Naga, coiled like a spring, launched himself at Yahiko. He threw his weight against Yahiko, fingers digging into the back of his shirt, trying to push him over.

Yahiko slid back a few feet but didn't fall.

Kota looked up from the stick figures she was drawing in the sand. "Yahiko," she decided, then drew a circle around the stick people.

I thought that too, but I felt obligated to root for my brother. "Naga," I said.

Yahiko lifted both hands above his head, fingers together, and brought it down. Just before his fist could connect with Naga's back, he vanished.

I leaned forward, eyes wide. He was behind Yahiko the next second, pond water splashing up around him as he landed. His eyes were gold. A dark blue line curled beneath each eye, and a stripe of the same color ran down the top of his nose.

"Is that Sage Mode?" Konan asked, gaping.

Naga kicked off the water as Yahiko spun, swinging his fist. I watched Yahiko's eyes widen half a second before his head snapped to the side, Naga's fist colliding with his jaw.

Yahiko flew back. He flipped in mid-air and landed on his feet at the edge of the pond, chakra flaring around his soles to root him in place.

Naga looked at him, then stared down at his hand in surprise. The marks on his face faded.

Despite the bruising part of his jaw, Yahiko stroked his chin. "The grab was a distraction," he noted.

"It was," Naga hesitated. "But I didn't mean to hit you that hard."

Yahiko nodded. "You cheated."

Naga lowered his hand. His knuckles were red. "I didn't use ninjutsu or shurikenjutsu."

Yahiko looked at the sky, considering this. "If only I had my practice sword," he mused. He pointed at Naga. "More importantly, you know what this means, don't you?"

"No—?"

"Other than you betraying my trust and walking all over my good nature," Yahiko added.

"It was only a partial transformation," Naga defended.

"That's what they all say."

Naga wiped away a smile. "I won't do it again," he promised.

Yahiko crossed his arms. "You should."

Naga blinked. He shook his head, "I only did it to see how fast I could take in nature energy," he protested. "I hit you that hard by accident. If I use it again, I could hurt really you. I won't use it until I train more."

Yahiko turned to us. "Should I feel offended that he thinks I need a handicap?"

"Yes!" Konan shouted.

"You don't count. I was asking Oka and Kota."

"I hope Nagato wins," she responded sweetly.

Naga sat on the water, watching with polite curiosity.

"What's a handicap?" I whispered to Konan.

Konan leaned close, nodding, "Oka says yes too!" she called to him.

Yahiko blinked. He turned his back to us, disregarding the vote.

Kota, tongue sticking out, never looked up.

"It's not a handicap for you," Naga tried. "It's for me."

"You say that," Yahiko drawled. "But it sounds like you're putting a handicap on yourself because you don't think I can win otherwise."

Naga opened his mouth, but Konan spoke first, "'Course he has to handicap himself," she said. "If he didn't, you'd sulk and whine about losing all day."

Yahiko slowly turned around. He stared at her, then made a half-seal.

"Oh, you wouldn't."

Yahiko's mouth expanded with water. With a blank stare he spat a medium-sized water bullet at her, and by extension, us.

"You dick—" she burst into butterflies.

Kota looked up and gasped, scrambling back.

I sighed, deep and heavy like Mamoru-sensei.

Tiger. Hare. Boar. Dog.

I slammed my hands to the ground, bending the earth to my will until a solid, sturdy wall shot up in front of me, blocking the water bullet.

Kota yelped at the crash, throwing her hands up to defend herself as we were sprinkled with chakra-water. She was shivering, eyes squeezed shut.

I leaned back. "Yahiko wouldn't have done that if he thought, even a little, that it would hurt you," I told her, patting the wall. "He knew I would protect you."

When she didn't move, I reached back, took a firm hold of her hands, and slowly brought them down. Her eyes snapped open. "You're okay. Promise," I said.

Kota looked at the wall. She slowly relaxed, hands clenching in her lap.

I shook my head. "You should tell him not to do that again. He didn't know it would scare you."

Kota ducked her head. Konan had combed the knots out of her hair, and now it was all shaggy curls. "He wouldn' listen," she said quietly. "Not to me—"

I tilted her chin up and she looked at me in shock. She reminded me too much of how Naga used to be. "You're one of us," I said firmly. "If you're scared, he'll listen. If you're angry, he'll listen. You just have to say so."

I let go and smiled, "And if he doesn't, I'll make him listen, 'cause you're my friend."

Kota's eyes went wide and watery. "Jus' shut up," she hissed, pushing herself to her feet. "You're always sayin' dumb stuff. I'm done listenin'."

I hummed. "Did the plank you made for Joji dry yet?"

Kota crossed her arms. "How am I suppose' to know?"

I stood. "Want to go hang it up?"

Kota huffed, but didn't say no.

I saw a shadow above me. Looking up, I saw Konan sitting on top of my wall. She swung her feet, watching us, her smile warm.

検索

"I always wanted hair this long," Konan said wistfully.

I felt her fingers working through tangles, gathering loose strands, twisting the whole thing into one big braid.

"I tried growing mine out for ages," she continued, tilting my head forward. "But I could never get it any longer than this."

I absently drew Joji's sword on the floor, making the handle extra-long. I tried not to move. If Konan lost her grip or messed up she'd have to start all over. It had been so long already.

"Even Kota's hair is longer than mine now," Konan said, shaking her head. "It's so unfair."

"Yahiko doesn't have long hair," I pointed out.

"He's incompetent," Konan dismissed. "He barely counts in most things, and definitely not this."

"Maybe he likes short hair more."

Konan sighed deeply. "Say he does count. That's only one."

"Naga's hair isn't that long."

"Longer than mine."

I glanced at the loose strands of hair on the floor. "Mamoru-sensei—"

"Doesn't count," Konan cut me off.

"Why not?"

"He just doesn't. He's an adult."

I thought about telling her that she sounded a lot like Yahiko when he didn't have a good answer to a question. Reconsidered when I remembered that her fingers were in my hair.

"Osamu—"

"Is bald," Konan stressed.

"Joji—"

"Nope."

"Namekuji—"

"He's a slug," she said, twisting the end of the braid.

"He has hair."

Konan stopped. "No, he doesn't."

"He does, and it's long," I told her. "Have you checked?"

"He has slime all over his body," Konan emphasized, lifting the braid to brush hair off my back. "Where would I check?"

"Under the slime."

Konan shook her head. "No. And, even if he does, unless you're talking about a different mean-spirited slug that sometimes spits acid, there's no way he'd let you check."

"He likes me."

"He's spiteful," Konan countered. "And the only way he knows how to show he cares is to insult everyone around him."

"He stopped eating your paper," I weakly protested.

"Sometimes," Konan scoffed, standing. "He sometimes doesn't eat my paper. And it's always the ones I already folded and never all the other paper lying around."

"He likes the taste of your chakra?"

Konan snorted. "All my paper has my chakra on it, folded or not."

She crouched and reached behind the sink, pulling out a rolled up black cloth. She unfolded it, and it looked like one half of a pant leg. "Okay, now we're going to have a quick Adult Talk. You're growing up. Your body is changing in strange ways, but it's okay. It's perfectly normal—"

"Stop," I interrupted, abruptly self-conscious.

"Some of those changes may be more obvious—" she looked pointedly at my chest and I faced the other way, drawing my legs up like a barrier. "—than others. Which is why," she began, holding up the pant leg. "From now on, you need to start wearing this around that area."

I bared my teeth at her and Konan carefully shifted in front of the bathroom door, blocking my escape.

"Trust me, Oka, training is way easier when you don't have to worry about anything falling out—"

I lunged. I snatched the cloth, ripping at it with my teeth and hands until it was in tattered pieces at my feet.

Konan looked at the mess I'd made, then calmly went back to the sink and pulled out the other, crumpled pant leg. "This is the only other one I have, so if you do that again I can't promise I won't use genjutsu to keep you still."

"I don't need—"

"I get it," Konan said, shaking her head. "I really do. Getting taller is one thing but this—it's awkward and it makes you feel like you're all alone, especially when no one else is going through it. I wanted to ignore it and pretend like nothing changed too, but I couldn't."

Her smile was soft. "There was no one to tell me what to do or what I should use to wrap my chest. It was... hard." She stopped and for the briefest of instants I saw the Konan that she hid behind all her smiles. The hurt she rarely showed, the unhappiness. Then she was smiling again, bright and dim at once. "That's part of why we're here. You're more stubborn than Yahiko sometimes, but I know you need help with this, because I needed it too. So, you can fight me all you want, but you're not leaving until I show you how to put this on."

I stared at her, and then I pushed myself up.

"Think of this as practice for when you help me with Kota—"

I hugged her tight. "You don't have to smile all the time," I murmured.

Konan's breath hitched. She didn't speak for a few seconds. "If there was one thing I wish Tsunade taught me about before she left..." she trailed off.

I squeezed and Konan let out a watery little laugh.

"Sorry," I said, gesturing to the fragments on the floor.

Konan put her hands on my shoulders and gently pushed me back. She wiped her eyes. "I didn't expect anything else from our half-civilized wild animal," she said, holding up the remaining pant leg. "That hug means you won't bite when I show you how to tie it properly, right?"

I sniffed and didn't answer.

"Fine," she said, smile friendly and terrifying at once. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

ホールド

I tilted my head back, staring up at the empty space where Hanzo's tower used to be. Rain dripped from my chin, tracing never-ending lines down my forehead, cheeks, the curve of my nose.

Sometimes, it felt like nothing changed at all.

The tower fell a long time ago. Only a big pile of rubble marked where it used to be. What remained was the useless stuff; rusting support beams, cracked bits of wall or floor, a hole in the ground that led down to nowhere.

I never looked at it much before, but the sky was too empty with it gone. Another thing the war wouldn't let us keep. I let go of Kota's hand.

I felt her questioning eyes on my back as I stepped onto the pile, rocks and concrete digging into my heels. I watched for glass, or sharp pieces of bones, moving carefully as I maneuvered my way to the top.

Maybe I didn't like the bastard Hanzo, but the tower had been bigger than him. Bigger than all of us. It was the second-to-last standing tower in Amegakure. There was only one left, but it was small, just barely a tower.

To the north were wisps of black smoke, what was left of a fire that was put out. If I went that way I knew I would find a battlefield. Faceless bodies wearing red, white and green, staring at me with dull eyes. The sticky feeling of old blood on my fingers.

I looked at my hand, but it was clean. I could almost feel the ghost of a hand circling my wrist, the words that came from him, even as he choked on his own blood.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember what he said.

I dropped my hand, looking over the village again. I thought of the princess from the sea that ran away to a village of steel and skyscrapers, but all I saw in front of me was decay and death.

Men and women with bony limbs and dirty clothes huddled together under tarps, broken buildings, or held up crates, desperate for refuge from the rain. A few stared at me with eyes that reminded me of the silver-green fish, but I ignored them. An old man scraped at the mud with gnarled, bloodied fingers, searching for worms to eat.

"Hey, miss!" a voice called.

I looked down and Kota took half a step back as a black-haired boy approached her. He barely reached her stomach, caked in a thick layer of mud. His hands were cupped around something, and he thrust it towards her.

"I wan'ta give this to ya'," the boy said firmly.

Kota eyed it. "What d'ya want for it?"

The boy's eyebrows furrowed. "Matsu—" he jerked his chin to another orphan behind him, around Yahiko's age or older, with short sandy blond hair. "—he tol' me you's with the ones who came an' lef' us fish yes'er'day. I don' 'ave money, but some of the mean ol' pe'ple gave you's stuff in big bags. I wan'ed ta do it too, but 'is all I got."

Kota stared at him, eyes slowly going wide.

The boy frowned, looking between his cupped hands and her. His eyes skittered away. "Nevermin'," he mumbled, turning away.

"Wait!" Kota grabbed his shoulder, only to immediately retract her hand when he tensed. "I just—" she huffed. "—you caught me off guard. Doesn' mean you should leave."

More eyes were on us than before. Orphans appearing from alleys and shadows to watch. Adults drawn by the commotion. I nonchalantly put a hand in my pocket, where a kunai was waiting, just in case.

The boy looked up at her, a tentative thread of hope in his eyes.

"I needed a second, okay?" Kota said. "But I want it."

A slow smile spread across his face. He still had baby teeth. He held his hands out to her, stretching on his tip-toes.

Kota plucked the prize from him. It was a necklace of woven thread and twine, fraying and falling apart in the rain. She looked at it for a moment, then carefully worked it over her head, adjusting it around her neck.

"I'll get somethin' bet'er for when I see ya' again," the boy said in delight. He beamed and ran back to Matsu, bouncing on his feet.

"Thank you," Kota whispered, barely audible.

There wasn't enough room in the hideout for every hungry person in Amegakure, so this was the best we could do.

Matsu stared at me. I stared back.

His eyes were the same gray as the sky at dusk. Starvation hollowed out his cheeks and made his clothes hang on him. He dipped his head in acknowledgement, then his eyes shifted to the right, behind me.

I spun, yanking the kunai from its hiding place and twisting it in the same motion so the point faced away from me, but there was no one there. I barely caught a glimpse of the shinobi in violet perched one level above me before they disappeared.

リーチ - Reach, 把握 - Grasp, 検索 - Search, ホールド - Hold

I hope you all love Kota as much as I do.

Oka says the sun the same way Armin from the AOT dub says the sea.

Yahiko - 13-14

Nagato/Konan - 12-13

Oka - 9-10

Kota - 8- 9