A/N: How many times can the word 'watermelon' be used in a fic... LOL.

For split-n-splice.

Lesson Learned

Drakken lowered his head from where he was staring at the massive computer screen and rubbed his eyes. When he opened them again, they were blurry and wouldn't re-focus. He groaned and folded his arms on the desk just before dropping his face to rest on them.

How much watermelon could one person eat?

He had finally found a website that would do recurring orders of the fruit, but it was clearly a site for large wholesalers as it wouldn't let him purchase any fewer than four-dozen. And that was too many.

Just the thought of a watermelon made him sick. He couldn't bear the sight or smell anymore. When he'd woken up that morning, the familiar sound of a spoon scraping against rind had made his stomach churn. But he didn't dare tell Shego, as it seemed the green and red fruit was the only thing she wanted to eat anymore.

He had tried reasoning that it wasn't healthy, but she said that she still ate other things. He wasn't sure when, since they always took meals together. But as she was eating for two he supposed she might be having other snacks throughout the day while he was in the lab.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes again, looking back to the screen. He closed the wholesaler vendor website and went to his usual online store, ordering the six watermelons again that he had ordered less than a week before. It wasn't really any effort, but having to re-order every week was adding to the ill feeling the idea of the fruit gave him.

As he confirmed his payment information, a banner-ad across the top of the website caught his eye. He squinted at it.

It was an image of a cube-shaped watermelon, with a gold bow on top of it. His face twisted in confusion, and he wondered if the universe was mocking him somehow. It couldn't be real... But there it was, advertised on a banner with lots of words in Japanese, and then a price tag of $210 next to it.

Frowning, he opened a new browser window and searched for square watermelon. It had to be fake.

His jaw slowly slackened... It wasn't.

He read for awhile with his tired, stinging eyes about the essential mutilation of the regular watermelon to achieve the shape. And as he continued learning about the fruit that was cultivated essentially as a gimmick, a devious idea entered his mind.

He clicked back to the online retailer and clicked on the banner ad. It brought him to a Japanese website which he took his time in going through to make sure he didn't accidentally sell his identity overseas. But several minutes later, he had successfully purchased a $210 square watermelon.

"Shego," Drakken sang out, practically skipping into the lair as he cradled his package protectively.

Shego sat up from where she had been lying on the sofa and set her hands atop her second-trimester baby bump. "Hmm?" she asked, watching him curiously.

"I have a surprise for you!" he sang. He knelt in front of the couch and thrust the box he held out at arm's length for her to take.

Shego's brow twisted and she eyed the box covered in Japanese text skeptically. But Drakken could see she was curious.

"If this is another one of those stupid products for...turning the baby into a genius before it's born, or something..."

"No, nothing like that," Drakken said, shaking his head as he continued to grin.

"Well...what is it?"

Drakken held the box close and stood up again.

"Let's go to the kitchen!" he said, and skipped away.

"Kitchen?" Shego called after him.

Drakken snickered to himself, just excited that his plan had been successful to the point of acquiring the obscure fruit. Whether or not it would achieve the desired result, he would soon know. But it was nice to have a plan at least start without any glitches.

He set the box on a counter and set out a cutting board and a sharp knife out for Shego to use. She stepped into the room a moment later with her curious and slightly suspicious expression.

"Is this some weird food to induce labor or something?"

Drakken shook his head. "No. Open it."

Shego examined the box and found it could be opened without use of a knife. She pulled the appropriate tabs and when the top came off...her eyes widened.

"...What is this?"

Drakken's feet danced out of sight below the counter. "What does it look like?"

"It looks like a watermelon, but...it's square. I like eating them Dr. D., I don't want to decorate with them."

"It's a real watermelon. You can eat it."

Shego looked up from the box and gave him a weird look. "There's no such thing as square watermelon."

"Yes there is," he said, nodding toward the box. "Cut it open."

Shego furrowed her brow and picked up the box to shake the square melon out. Drakken grabbed two plates from the cupboard and some utensils. He already knew what it would taste like, based on what he had read on the Internet. But he was curious to try it too.

Shego set the surreal-looking fruit on the cutting board and turned it around slowly, tilting her head and bending over slightly as she studied it with a concentration that reminded Drakken of himself. Finally, she picked up the knife he had set out and began slicing the fruit in half. Drakken grinned and tried not to look conspicuous.

When the fruit had been sliced through and Shego separated the two halves, she frowned.

"Why is it yellow?"

"It's...part of why it's square," he lied.

Shego sliced one of the halves in half again, and then put one quarter on her plate. Drakken took the knife and just cut himself one very small segment. Shego picked up her spoon and studied the yellow and slightly twisted flesh skeptically.

"Are you sure about this?" she asked him.

"It's a delicacy in Japan."

Shego lifted her eyes to stare at him. "So are fish sperm sacs."

Drakken looked away with a disgusted grimace. "Shego, it's just a watermelon. You've hardly eaten anything else for months! I thought this would be fun."

When he looked back, her expression had softened. She gave him a tiny smile, and then scooped out a piece of the yellow melon with her spoon and studied it. Drakken picked up the slice he had cut and took a bite, hoping to encourage Shego. He smiled at her, and the remaining skepticism in her face relaxed. She put the spoonful in her mouth and began chewing...and then cringed.

She glared at him as she swallowed the bite down. "This is horrible!"

Drakken likewise swallowed the bitter bite of under-ripe fruit and tried to hide his laughter behind his hand as he pretended to be shocked. Shego was staring at him in furious suspicion and she took another bite from a different, less-yellow and pinker spot of the melon. She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head as the result was the same. Drakken's shoulders shook as he watched her, covering his mouth with both hands now as he struggled to contain his laughter.

Shego's eyes grew darker as her brow rose and her jaw slowly slackened in understanding.

"You knew it was bad!"

Drakken nodded briefly, unable to pretend, and then set his forehead on his hands on the table as he laughed.

"Why would you buy a bad watermelon?" Shego almost shouted at him.

Drakken looked up and gave her a pleading look through his laughter. "Because I can't look at another watermelon. Just the sight of one of these things makes me sick," he said, his face falling as he shoved his plate away with a loathsome look. "Please Shego, can't you crave something else now?"

Shego glared at him for several seconds. Then she picked up the intact half of the square melon and tossed it over Drakken's head at the sink. Drakken turned and watched it fly...and then watched as it shattered when a green blast impacted it in mid-air. Yellow, pink, and green exploded all over the kitchen and all over him. Though most covered the cabinets near the sink, where the fruit had been tossed.

Drakken wiped the sticky fruit off his face and looked down at his ruined clothing in disgust. The smell of the unripe melon was worse than the ripe ones, and he felt his stomach begin to turn.

Shego, completely unscathed, stood up and crossed to the fridge. She pulled open the door that was dripping yellow watermelon chunks and took out a plate with a half of a perfectly-ripe watermelon, and tucked it under one arm. She looked at Drakken with narrowed eyes and then smirked malevolently.

"You're right, I should be craving something else."

She proceeded to take Drakken's three jars of pickles out of the fridge and put them under her arm with the watermelon. A small, desperate cry left Drakken's lips. Shego only raised her chin at him as she frowned and turned to leave, pickles and ripe melon held before her like a prize.

Drakken watched her disappear, her dark hair swaying behind her. Then he looked back at the kitchen with its yellow watermelon pieces puddling on the floor and dripping off of the cabinets and ceiling.

His shoulders slumped and he sighed, and then went to the pantry to find a mop.