A/N: More stupidity. Because my brain said so.

Only Child

Drakken grinned as he walked leisurely through the vast grassy field that went as far as the eye could see in every direction. He closed his eyes to enjoy the sunshine that beamed around him, warming his face and his hair and every part of him. He sighed in contentment. He didn't have a care in the world.

A low rumbling sound caused him to open his eyes. Suddenly, all around him, green striped orbs began growing up out of the grass at an alarming rate.

Drakken gasped. "No... No!" he cried. As the orbs increased in size the field that surrounded him was overcome with the green vines on which the dreaded things grew, and the warm sunny sky suddenly turned a very dark reddish-pink. The orbs had formed a ring around him, attempting to block his escape.

"No!" Drakken cried again, gathering his courage and running out of the ring of what had become dozens of green-striped terrors.

He had no destination. There wasn't one. The field went on in every direction, ending only at the pink horizon. But he didn't dare stop, for the rumbling sound continued as the orbs continued to sprout around him, growing so fast that in seconds they had gone from basketball-sized to wheelbarrow-sized. Some remained round while others took an oblong shape, and their growth never stopped.

Drakken increased his pace as he gasped for breath, but the field around him seemed to be closing in. All he could see was the wall of pink as the menacing orbs continued expanding at alarming rates along his path. The vines and leaves began to take on a reddish hue, and then a rumbling even louder than before forced him to glance back over his shoulder.

A feral shriek left his lips as the greatest terror he had ever faced loomed behind him, even while he was threatened on all sides by the horror of the growing fruit. A massive watermelon, larger than a two-story house had rolled up onto its oblong end, blocking out the sun for a moment as it stood still. And then it began to fall toward him.

"Nooooo!" he cried as he ran ever faster, his breaths becoming difficult as the sickly smell of the fruit permeated the air. The rumble of the melon rolling behind him continued and he didn't dare look back, even as the path ahead was becoming blocked by melons the sizes of cars, horses, and small trees.

Nearly everything around him was red now, and suddenly he felt a slick, squishy feeling beneath his feet. He spared a glance down to find the ground covered in the flowing red juices of watermelon, chunks of red drifting in the liquid like dry leaves in a stream. The black seeds buried in the flesh looked like poison as they peeked up at him.

"No! No! Help! Help me!" he cried as the watermelons ahead grew so great that they cut off his escape. He whirled around to see the giant melon gaining, sure to squash him when it reached him.

In a panic he flung out his vines, pressing them powerfully against the fruit that were closing in on him. But all he succeeded in doing was trapping himself further as his vines became tangled with the formerly green vines that bore the menacing fruit. The rinds pressed against him suddenly split open, and soon he was surrounded by the sticky red flesh.

"No! Ngh, no!"

The giant melon was rolling faster, accelerating toward him. It was still growing and was now the size of a skyscraper as it closed in to end him. Faster, faster, and faster it came, shaking the ground and splashing his coat with the juices that had begun to rise like a flood around him.

Time seemed to stand still for a moment as the colossal watermelon blocked out the sun, looming over him as if in mockery before it finally fell down with a great speed in what would be the final blow.

"No! No! Shegooo!"

Drakken sat up with a start, not registering until a few moments later that the scream that had woken him had been his own.

He felt Shego's hand on his shoulder first and sensed her warm presence just behind him, and a moment later he felt his vines begin curling around him like a protective cocoon. He drew his knees up to his chest and held them tightly as he fought against the urge to cry.

"What is it?" Shego asked softly, her hand gently rubbing his shoulder.

Drakken shook his head once with a jerk as he tried to catch his breath, peering around at the stone walls and the moat to try to banish the horrible visions and sensations from his dream. The vines surrounding him weren't as comforting as Shego's hand on his shoulder and he tried to will them back into dormancy until called upon.

Behind him, he heard Shego sigh.

"Was it the Area 51 nightmare again?" she asked.

As soon as the vines had released him enough he glanced back at her over his shoulder, surveying her from her baby bump up to her exhausted eyes and her bed-messed hair. He felt bad for waking her.

"...Similar to your experience there, actually," he finally answered, his voice a bit thick.

"You dreamt of being sat on by your giant dog?"

"No. This time it was..."

Shego stared at him. "What?"

Drakken frowned. He couldn't say it. Her craving had already become far too great a point of contention between them. In fact, it was the thing they argued about the most.

Drakken shook his head and faced forward again, setting his chin on his knees.

"Nothing..."

A pause.

"Drakken."

He sighed. He also knew he couldn't win many arguments with her. And now he just wanted to get back to sleep...

"...Watermelon."

Shego's hand left his shoulder. "What?"

Drakken unfolded his tense posture until he sat cross-legged, leaning forward and gesticulating wildly as he told her the terrifying tale. He could see it with his waking eyes—the red sky, the melons closing in around him, the certainty of death by fruit. The miasma they had all created, blinding and choking him until all he could see and breathe was...watermelon.

He paused in his heart-pounding description to take a breath, and—

The ever so soft sound of chewing reached his ears.

Drakken's eyes widened. He whirled around just as Shego's hands flew to her lap from right behind her hip. She gave him a tense shrug and nodded at him to show she'd been listening.

Drakken's jaw had fallen open. It worked silently for a long moment until he remembered how to use his voice.

"Shego... Are you...are you eating...watermelon?"

He watched her swallow with painful slowness, and then tersely, "No."

Drakken frowned in disgust and lunged across her lap at the same time she reached behind her hip. Their hands both hit the concealed dish of watermelon that he remembered preparing for her before bed and it clattered loudly to the floor as a result of their scrambling, spilling its red contents.

He didn't even wait to see Shego's scowl or hear her words of protest.

"RRAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHH!" he screamed, rising to his knees with his hands raised in fists over his head until all the air in his lungs had been expelled. He fell face down on the mattress and closed his eyes to the welcome darkness as he tried to catch his breath.

Blessed silence enveloped him, broken only by his own breaths that became hot as he exhaled against the bedspread. But then several seconds later the sound of metal on porcelain met his ears.

He rolled over and saw Shego standing with the empty watermelon bowl and fork in hand, a tiny frown on her face.

"What... Where are you going?"

"To get more watermelon," she answered blandly. "You spilled mine."

Drakken watched as she padded out of the room, the automatic door sliding closed behind her. He stared at the inanimate metal for a moment before letting his face fall to the blankets again. He took a deep breath through the fabric and sighed, visions of red, green, and black returning to his mind. He scowled...and then groaned in agony.

"This baby..." he grumbled to himself, "is going to be an only child."