A/N: A little foray back into the world of watermelon...Thanks to split-n-splice for some clever lines and the great title.

Happy birthday, writerchic16!

Melon Misfortunes

Drakken rubbed the back of his neck and straightened up in front of the watermelon crate at the grocer's. He had been bending over the sea of green, bulbous fruit for at least ten minutes, trying to find the very best ones. After the long day, he was finally feeling the exhaustion and pain in his spine.

Drakken glanced to his right to be sure the empty cart was still there, and then turned back to the melons.

"Hello, Drew."

"Gah!"

Drakken recoiled, banging his forearm on the metal cart at the sound of his former college friend's voice and nearly losing his balance as his recovery from that had him bumping into the crate.

"Just as light on your feet as you were in college, I see."

Drakken straightened up and adjusted his shirt, taking in the single quirked eyebrow of James Possible with loathing.

"Just as rude as you always were, I see," Drakken retorted as he gave the man a once-over with wariness and frustration.

Possible was exactly the same as he remembered him from college, except for some wrinkles, gray hair, and extra padding around the waist, all such as comes naturally with age. Drakken bit the inside of his cheek knowing he had aged at least the same, if not worse for his other problems and stresses on his life.

The man didn't seem one bit perturbed by his insult, and to Drakken's dismay he leaned up against the side of the watermelon crate and continued what he apparently thought was a welcome conversation.

"We haven't heard anything about you really since the invasion."

Drakken rolled his eyes and looked back to the watermelons, hoping the man would take the hint and leave. Unfortunately, Possible continued.

"Although my Kimmy-cub did mention running into you at this very store once, after stopping some crooks with Ronald."

Drakken's frown deepened as he considered that in all the stores in all the world, Kim Possible just had to have been busting some small-time criminal while he was buying watermelon. But his brow suddenly rose in the realization that there was no real reason for James Possible to be there.

"You know, she mentioned something about watermelon that time too... You branching out from flowers into mutant fruit, now?" Possible asked with an amused chuckle.

"None of your business," Drakken replied through a grunt, bending low over the melons to get Possible out of his line of sight.

A blessed silence fell for several seconds that made him hope the man had taken the hint and left, but then...

"Finally left the blue lab coat behind, I see."

"Don't you have someplace else to be?" Drakken snapped, feeling another twinge in his neck as he turned too quickly to give his former friend a venomous look.

Possible chuckled. "My wife and I are on a couple's cruise. St. Lucia is one of the stops," the man explained.

Drakken grumbled under his breath about the unfortunate reality of living so near various tourist locations. Perhaps it was time to consider online shopping for groceries...

"Getting a few grays there, Drew."

"Oh like you're one to talk," Drakken said, grabbing the closest watermelon and hefting it into the cart.

As Drakken's irritation rose he wondered if Shego would settle for watermelon-flavored gum. He could grab some off the rack near the check stand and run, and no one would be the wiser.

"All this time and you're getting that one?" Possible said with a concerned frown.

Drakken hesitated, narrowing his eyes on the man.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, those oblong ones aren't very sweet. They were over-watered."

Drakken blinked again, a myriad of new annoying thoughts running through his mind. He moved to set the melon in the cart, but Possible was giving him an all-too familiar, knowing and painfully smug grin.

Drakken frowned.

"Fine, which melons should I buy?" he asked through a scowl, shifting his weight as somehow holding the large melon was putting undue pressure on his spine.

"Well, what are you using them for?" Possible asked, raising that single annoying eyebrow higher as his smirk grew.

"For eating, you— Ngh!"

Drakken cut himself off as he nearly dropped the slippery melon. He grit his teeth as he carefully placed it back in the bin, not making eye contact with Possible who was surely grinning in his perceived pompous superiority that had only added to Drakken's disdain for the man.

"Fine! Which one should I get, then?" Drakken asked as he straightened again, crossing his arms.

His brow rose in curiosity as James Possible's face adopted a thoughtful, critical expression as he bent over the crate.

"For starters, you need something uniform in size and shape. That's how you know it developed properly," the man said. Drakken watched as Possible started sorting the watermelons before he continued. "And if it's dark and dull, you know it's ripe. Avoid the pale and shiny ones."

"Don't you have something better to do on your...so-called couple's cruise?"

"My wife is clothes shopping," Possible stated simply and with a slight cringe as he lifted a melon and examined it.

Despite himself, after nearly a minute of watching Possible sorting watermelons Drakken joined in, moving only the large oblong ones as he didn't know much else. He abhorred the idea of getting advice from the man who was partially responsible for his becoming a villain... But, if it meant getting the best melons for Shego...

"And there, those ones will be very flavorful," Possible said, pointing to a melon with a massive orange discoloration on it.

"It looks like it spent too much time in the sun," Drakken said skeptically.

"It spent a long time ripening on the vine," Possible explained, as if the topic were an everyday one. "But avoid the white spots. And here," he gestured to the ugliest of melons, covered in brown scars that spread over the rind in a webbed appearance that interrupted the green stripes, "is another sign that they're sweet and flavorful."

Drakken leaned away again and frowned. "Do you take me for a fool?"

Possible straightened as well, looking ever-confident. "The brown spots indicate numerous pollination attempts by bees, thus the melon is sweeter."

Drakken stared the man down for several seconds and detected no lie in his words. His brow furrowed.

"How do you know this?"

"I've done some research into various botanical fields."

"You're a rocket scientist. Unless something has changed in the past—" Drakken stopped as realization struck. His brow rose, and suddenly Possible looked uncomfortable. "Are you...trying to move in on my research?"

Possible cleared his throat. "Anyway, those are the tastiest melons...if eating is in fact what you need them for."

"You're trying to move in on my territory! You're...you're jealous!"

Possible turned on his heel and departed rapidly with a stiff wave.

"Pleasure catching up!"

Drakken stared in astonishment until the man vanished through the automatic doors of the store, and then a grin slowly broadened his face. James Possible was jealous...of him!

"About time," Drakken muttered as he turned back to the melons. His grin quickly faded into uncertainty.

What if Possible had been lying about the melons?

He tried to recall in the past which ones had tasted the best. Not that he ate much of them, but he had sampled more than his fair share.

It was true, the enormous long ones never held much flavor and seemed watery. Perhaps it was true that the ugliest were the best? He had never bought those before, so...he supposed it was worth a try.

Drakken shrugged to himself and started loading up the shopping cart. Possible had no idea after all what the melons were really for. There would be no reason for the man to lie...except malice. And yet...something told Drakken, that that hadn't been the man's motive...much to Drakken's confusion.

Shego was still in bed when Drakken returned to the lair with the watermelons, and he had checked on her while the henchmen unloaded them from the hover-car. She wasn't feeling as ill that day, but still didn't want to get up. Thankfully, the promise of watermelon seemed to calm her ire, so it was only with limited anxiety that Drakken portioned up one of the hideous looking melons and prepared her a simple bowl to start with.

The flesh of the watermelon itself did indeed look redder and was definitely juicier than what he was used to buying, but even if he thought it was good—which he wouldn't, having lost his taste for the fruit—it was Shego's opinion that mattered. And so he held his breath as he walked back to the bedroom to present the bowl to his wife.

Shego sat up slowly in bed and Drakken's brow twisted in sympathy at her grimace of pain. Once the bowl was in her hands he tossed off his polo shirt and pushed his feet out of his shoes, grateful to be home where he could shake off the displeasure of interacting with James Possible and focus on the important things. Namely, his wife and their unborn child.

Shego had one hand on the small swell of her belly as she adjusted pillows with the other so she could lean against the headboard while she ate. Drakken quickly moved to her side to assist her which earned him a look of annoyance, as if he should have already been helping her, but also a look of gratitude.

Drakken sat on the bed and un-tucked his tank top as Shego tossed the blankets down to her knees and then brought the dish of watermelon up to chest height with one palm supporting the bowl from beneath as she stabbed one of the succulent cubes with her fork. He held his breath again as she brought the bite to her lips, and after only a moment of chewing her eyes widened.

"Where did you get this?" she asked, the bite going into her cheek as she spoke. She put another cube in her mouth as she continued chewing the first.

"Sanchez's place, like always," he said with a slightly nervous shrug.

"Better than any he's ever had before," she commented through her full mouth.

Drakken watched as her eyes brightened through the enjoyment of her biggest pregnancy craving. He felt the irritation of the shopping trip melt away at the pleased look on her face, and he hoped the treat would also go some way toward easing the pain of the never-ending morning sickness.

He got his answer very suddenly when Shego set the bowl down, grinning at him as she pushed the bed-covers even farther away. He didn't even get to speak before he was knocked back slightly by her arms wrapping around him and her lips pressing against his. He responded with a startled hum as he caught himself from falling with one palm on the mattress, his other hand instantly finding her waist.

Shego pulled away just enough so she could smile into his eyes, and Drakken blinked at her dumbly in confusion as she shifted nearer, her pregnant belly pressing against his.

"Thanks, Dr. D.," she said simply, and kissed him again, the distinct flavor of watermelon on her lips.

For once, it was very, very sweet.