A/N: It's short, but it's something. Featuring a crack headcanon about Drakken's hair.

reference to a background character in the episode "Motor Ed" and also to headcanons of split-n-splice.

Bad Hair Days

Drakken grimaced slightly as he watched Shego out of the corner of his eye. It didn't matter how carefully he piloted the hover-car for the ferocious wind that was blowing that day. Her hair whipped to and fro, even spiraling upward in a strange dark cyclone at the worst moments. The ends occasionally whipped against his cheeks, and he kept quiet as they stung him sharply knowing Shego had it far worse with the way the locks blocked her vision entirely no matter how much she tried to grab hold and pull the hair out of her face.

Thankfully, the flight was brief, and Drakken nearly set the hover-car down upon the rooftop of the warehouse, but then thought better of it and flew a distance away and carefully secured the craft beneath some thick trees. The paint would be scratched, but, the wind was far less powerful there.

Shego sputtered for several seconds getting the hair out of her mouth, and then she tried to look calm as she attempted to make the long strands go back over and behind her head where they belonged instead of in every other direction.

"How long is this stakeout again, Chief?"

Drakken heard the slight tremor in her voice as she stared straight ahead with narrowed eyes toward their target while continuing to try to make the lengths of her hair move in the same uniform direction.

"Not...not long..." Drakken iterated a bit nervously. Shego had insisted earlier that it not be. "We...didn't want to give Possible's computer nerd a chance to find us, r-remember? You insisted."

Shego grimaced in reply, and Drakken watched her fumble with the pouch on her calf and pull out what appeared to be large hair clips, bobby pins, and an elastic band similar to his own. She looked at the objects with trepidation as the breeze brushed a few unruly strands of hair past her cheek.

She set them down and pulled her hair back with her hands, and after a few moments Drakken understood she was trying to put her hair up into a bun. There wouldn't be time to get the knots out and brush it it before they needed to strike.

Shego let her hands fall after less than a minute on the first try and started over. Drakken could see the distress on her face that she was trying to hide. No matter her motivation, vanity or function, the state of her hair was clearly bothering her.

With a queasy feeling in his stomach, Drakken removed his gloves and took a shaky breath.

"Let me help," he said, grabbing some stray ends of her hair and beginning to work on the tangles before she could say a word.

He kept his eyes on the knots, feeling her astonished glare and afraid to look up and see what fury might be in her expression at his bold move. But it wasn't like he was inexperienced at de-tangling long hair.

After a long, tense moment, he felt Shego shift and relax her posture. Every muscle in his body un-clenched in that moment, and he felt a brief pain in his neck where he'd been leaning forward too much.

"Thanks," Shego said, and Drakken released his breath.

Her gloves came off and were dropped on the dash beside his, and she began work on another section of her hair. Knowing he wasn't about to be the recipient of a green blast, he relaxed into the task and began reminiscing.

"You know, Shego..."

"No talking."

"I used to have to do this all the time..." he said thoughtfully.

"I said no talking... Wait, what?"

Drakken glanced at the twist in Shego's brow as she focused on hurriedly trying to de-tangle her hair.

"My hair used to be nearly as long as yours."

Shego's hands stilled.

"What?" she repeated, turning to look at him.

"I had a waist-length mullet until I was nineteen," Drakken said with a grin.

He nearly laughed aloud at the almost frightened look on her face as she no-doubt pictured the younger him with the hairstyle of his youth.

"I'm glad you came to your senses," Shego finally said, looking back to where she had successfully separated a few strands.

"Oh, it wasn't my choice," Drakken continued. "Eddie... Eddie was jealous."

Shego glanced at him nervously. "Am I gonna like where this is going?"

Drakken carefully worked at the tiny knots in the dark hair, being careful not to pull too harshly on any single strand.

"I didn't need to take out the girl he'd been attempting to court, but he was a snot-nosed brat. Stole my rubber-controlling ray..."

"Doc, this is getting into a whole family history that I don't— Wait, wait wait...courting!?"

"Nyeh. Yes, courting. Not that he was any good at it..."

"What decade are we talking here, Doc? I mean, I knew you were old but—"

"Can it, Shego!" he said with a scowl as she cackled. "You'll blow our cover!"

Her prior annoyance had faded entirely, and she was grinning at him in a mixture of mirth and curiosity as she worked steadily to de-tangle the knots in her hair.

"Come on, Doc. So how'd you get this girl to go out with you?"

Drakken cleared his throat and tried not to notice how much her eyes sparkled when she smiled.

"I have always been suave, Shego, not only as a more mature man."

Shego snorted out a laugh and repeated 'mature' in disbelief as she set aside more freed hair.

"Neghn. Anyway. Eddie had stolen my ray gun and so in retaliation I took out this girl. In...retrospect I probably should have just blown up his bike."

Shego was still cackling. "So wait, let me get this straight... I'm picturing you in...this would have been seventies, so—"

"Eighties, Shego! I'm not that old," Drakken said with a pout.

"Fine, eighties. So...stone-washed jeans, greasy white tee, leather jacket, and...hair down to your butt?"

"It was a phase, and it was just a button-up," Drakken said. "My mother wouldn't let me have a motorcycle, anyway."

"Buuut," Shego said, drawing out the word, "she let you have a waist-length mullet."

"Let's stick to the point, shall we?" Drakken said, his forehead creasing as he frowned. "I took this girl to the soda parlor..."

Shego was now grinning at him with barely-suppressed laughter, and it stalled his recollection as he wondered just what images were in her mind. It would be up to him to change them to the correct ones, but suddenly he wasn't so sure the trip down memory lane would elevate him in her eyes. He cleared his throat.

"...And I made sure it was at a time Eddie would see us there. I should have expected him to make a scene..."

Drakken realized he'd ceased his de-tangling and was idly running his fingers through the cleared strands of her hair, still soft despite the mistreatment it had received from the wind. He smoothed them and set them aside and began work on another knot.

"He drove his bike through the door and up to the counter where we were sitting and sprayed me in the face with one of the soda canisters. He had some choice words for me regarding taking out the girl, and it should have ended there..."

"What happened?" Shego asked as she worked to part more of her hair.

"He was about to leave, but then Delilah said she liked me better anyway," Drakken explained. He briefly recalled the way the younger woman had run her fingers through his hair. "So...later that night... Eddie snuck up behind me in the lab and...cut off my hair."

He didn't add the details of his first evil lab being in his mother's attic, or that after his mane of hair was gone that the girl had in fact dated Eddie for a number of years after that. He suspected there may even be illegitimate spawn, but, Shego didn't need to know about any of that.

"So what'd you do?"

Drakken startled out of the trip down memory lane and resumed working on the knots of her hair.

"What?"

"How did you get back at him?"

"Oh, I... I didn't," Drakken said, feeling even worse. He wondered suddenly why he had wanted to tell the story at all.

"What?" Shego asked, seeming surprised. "He cut your hair and you didn't do anything?"

"It was toward the end of the summer break anyway. I just...went back to college."

"Ah, so this was before you dropped out," Shego said with a smirk.

Drakken was tempted to pull on her hair in return for her teasing, but decided against it.

"Not too long before. Turns out the pompadour and button-down collar facade of that crowd weren't really me, either."

Shego draped another long lock of hair over her knee, and Drakken noted they were making surprisingly quick progress. He thought about asking her what type of conditioner she used.

"But a mullet and leather jacket is?" she quipped.

Drakken looked up at her with a thoughtful but self-assured grin.

"I've always been a bad man, Shego."

Her sparkling eyes locked on his for a moment, and then she suddenly began pulling her hair away from him and squinted toward the building they were watching.

"I think that's good enough for now," she said in a rush. "If I put it up, it'll be fine till we get back to the lair."

Drakken felt heat rising under his collar as he noticed the slight flush to her cheeks. He wouldn't allow himself to believe it was because she'd been affected by him or by anything he'd said. He turned his focus back to the task at hand instead, refusing to notice how beautiful her hair was even put up in a bun.

"Oh, Shego, before I forget," he said as she made ready for their impending break-in. "What kind of conditioner do you use?"