Chapter 6: Look at That, It's the Fan Fic Summary Chapter

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An hour after his call with Shinra and Izaya is sitting at said doctor's dining room table. Shinra is off preparing the tea, so Izaya absentmindedly starts fiddling with his switch blade, anxiously flipping it open and close while directing his gaze at the numerous decorations littering Shinra's apartment; festive lights, ornaments, and a little Christmas tree perched right on top of the TV cabinet. Celty is currently out on a job and wouldn't be coming back until later, leaving Izaya alone with the perverse doctor for today. Which is good. Izaya prefers it that way.

"So tell me, what exactly is bothering you? Your hand?" Shinra asks as he comes out of the kitchen and places a small teacup in front of Izaya. The informant merely lays the blade on the table and starts trailing his finger along the outer rim of the cup just as absentmindedly as he'd been playing with the knife. His hand is fine now, for the most part. Despite looking so frail, Izaya does heal relatively quickly and he doesn't need to keep the splint on anymore.

"No, that's not it," he answers as he lifts the cup and takes a tentative sip of the tea, only to scrunch up his nose in disdain. It's far too bitter for him. A month ago he wouldn't have even considered adding sugar to the most bitter and strongest of teas, but now…?

"Sugar," he ends up saying. Shinra gives him a skeptical look as he sits down across from him at the dining room table.

"Sugar is bothering you?" Shinra questions and Izaya sighs in annoyance.

"No. I mean, for the tea."

"Oh," is all Shinra can say as he gets up from his seat and goes back to the kitchen for a sugar bowl.

"Since when do you add sugar?" he calls out as he comes back to the table and sets the bowl down in front of Izaya.

"Since when do you celebrate Christmas?" Izaya snaps back as he throws in two spoonfuls of sugar into his cup and stirs in the sweet grains. Then, he tries the tea again, and this time, he's much more content with the taste of the liquid.

"Ah this? It was Celty's idea, actually. We thought it would be nice," Shinra explains and Izaya nods in understanding as he picks up his knife, only to fiddle with it again.

"So what seems to be the problem?" the doctor inquires once more.

"Apparently those pills of yours," Izaya gives his bleak answer.

"Really? How so? Are you experiencing any negative side effects?"

Yea, like you wouldn't believe.

"What the hell was in them in the first place? Ever since I started taking them, all I've been experiencing is weird nightmares, restless nights, uncontrollable bouts of anger, momentary blackouts, and sugar cravings like you wouldn't believe," Izaya explains and Shinra nods his head along, as if in understanding.

"Ah, I see, I see," the doctor says.

"Are you sure you're not just pregnant?"

Izaya stabs his knife straight into Shinra's table.

"Am I sure if I'm not- Do I look like a fucking woman to you?" he screeches, standing up from his seat to tower over Shinra with a menacing expression. The doctor remains unfazed, and even gives a small chuckle as if the conversation between them really is that amusing as opposed to something that was making Izaya slowly become borderline unstable.

"Well, you do have a very effeminate face and narrow shoulders," Shinra muses as he looks Izaya up and down, and Izaya suddenly feels very uncomfortable, as if his body was on full display for the world to see. He quickly sits back down and adjusts his coat to cover his torso.

"Stop screwing around. Your pills did something to me so now you have to go and fix it," Izaya huffs.

"How long have you been taking them then? The pills?"

"I took them for four days after you gave them to me, then stopped."

"So what makes you think they are causing all your issues when you know any remains would have left your system by now?" Shinra asks calmly, and Izaya feels slightly taken aback. It's a logical question to ask, but Izaya is too far in denial to think of any other explanation. It's the only one he is able to make sense of, unless Shinra can come up with a better reason for all his ailments. He doesn't like feeling like he lacks control. At the current moment, he very much lacks control, and will do anything he can to regain that power.

"There's a reason for everything, so why don't you find me a better explanation if it's not the pills," Izaya retorts.

"Well…if you're not pregnant…maybe you're going through menopause?' Shinra asks with a light sarcasm to his voice, and Izaya's eye visibly twitches.

"Shinra I swear…do you want to die?" Izaya spits out with a low growl in his throat. He's really starting to lose patience with all these little jokes.

"Only if I get to die wrapped up in Celty's embrace. But seeing as she isn't here, I think I'll pass on your offer," the doctor answers with a slightly creepy smile as he thinks about his one true beloved. Great, now not only does Izaya feel irritated, he feels sick to his stomach too. He grimaces at the thought, a collection of memories appearing in his head of all the intimate scenes he's had to witness between his friend and his weird girlfriend over the years.

"Disgusting," Izaya mutters under his breath and adds in some quiet insults about a shitty doctor with an even shittier sense of humor as he takes another sip of his tea. Shinra then takes on a more serious expression. He folds his hands together and rests his elbows on the table before leaning in with his chin propped on his hands.

"Orihara-kun, have you ever considered that you might be depressed?"

Izaya chokes on his tea and spills it out of his mouth and onto the table.

"That's an even worse joke than the one about me being pregnant," Izaya spits out in between coughs as he tries to expel the burning liquid from his lungs. As soon as he can breathe normally again, he wipes the drops of warm liquid falling off his chin with the back of his palm. Yet this time, Shinra's expression doesn't change. It stays just as morbid and solemn as when he'd first asked him.

"I'm not joking. Think about it carefully. You isolate yourself from others, keep your distance, never open up. You willingly seek out danger through the form of starting fights with Shizuo-"

"Hey, I am not the one starting fights with him," Izaya briefly cuts in with a huff as he crosses his arms over his chest. Shinra chooses to ignore the rude interruption and proceeds talking.

"Now you're having mood swings, can't sleep at night, your appetite has changed… You're becoming more and more unstable by the minute. Even now, you've been irritated ever since you walked though my door," Shinra finishes as calmly as he can, as if threading on a very fine line. As if one wrong word and Izaya might just snap.

Izaya just rolls his eyes and avoids eye contact, preferring to instead focus on his tea. As he sips it again, he notices it takes on a very bitter taste despite being so sweet, and all of a sudden his stomach begins to twist and turn uncomfortably. Must be the sugar. Even if he is craving sweets, his body is probably not used to taking in this much sugar on a daily basis.

"Wow Shinra, are you a psychologist now as well? Where did you get your degree? The University of Complete and Utter Bullshit? I didn't think you were at all qualified to make such baseless assumptions," Izaya scoffs with heavy sarcasm. Shinra gives him an awkward laugh.

"No, I'm just a …concerned friend," he trails and Izaya narrows his eyes, sinking further back in his seat as if to keep his distance.

"Some concerned friend who hung up on me when I was in the hospital," he mutters under his breath, but still loud enough for Shinra to hear and get worked up about.

"Are you still mad about that? It was a long time ago! It was one time! That was then, and this is now… I'm serious when I say I'm worried." Shinra's words almost feel genuine.

Almost.

"Yea, well. I studied psychology so I would know if I was depressed. And I'm not…so there," Izaya pouts, shifting his gaze once again. Shinra doesn't seem all too convinced but still gives in, not wanting to press the matter further.

"Fine, if you say so. Let's drop it. Why don't you tell me more about all these dreams, what are they like. The cravings et cetera. Start from the very beginning, in as much detail as you can and I'll try to help you somehow," Shinra inquires, so Izaya decides to tell him…from the very start with his first emotional breakdown, right down to his latest emotional breakdown he'd experienced just hours ago. Although he does willfully omit the parts pertaining to Shizuo and all the weird touching because he doesn't necessarily think it would be connected. Or rather, he's too embarrassed to admit such a thing.

"Alright, so you say you had these almost every night but then they briefly stopped for a few days, right? Can you remember if anything out of the ordinary happened on the day before they stopped?" Shinra asks curiously.

"I don't know. Define out of the ordinary, because around here, there's something unordinary happening every day. Case point, your freaky headless girlfriend," Izaya says casually, not even registering the fact that he'd inadvertently insulted Shinra's darling Dullahan. Shinra puts on a smile, but definitely not a happy one. A creepy one that just screams "say that again and I'll cut off all your limbs in your sleep".

"If you're going to insult Celty in my presence you might as well just leave now," he says lowly, his voice dropping significantly lower than his usual cheery disposition. Izaya holds up his hands defensively.

"Fine, fine, I won't. Just…help me out here? What should I be looking for?" Izaya asks desperately and Shinra returns to looking only mildly creepy as opposed to full blown creepy, which is not even that much of an improvement.

"Anything at all that might be strange or unusual, something that doesn't happen every day."

So Izaya thinks long and hard, and the first thing that just happens to pop into his mind is, of course, none other than: Shizuo. He furrows his eyebrows, annoyed. But he supposes perhaps Shizuo's visit had been a little strange.

"I guess….but…I don't know, it's not that strange but Shizu-chan came to Shinjuku the other day, and he kind of seemed confused as to why he was there in the first place. I mean obviously, I wouldn't hold it past him to get confused like that with his pea sized brain and all-"

"Insulting Shizuo-kun in my presence is also a no-go, Orihara-kun" Shinra quickly cuts him off and Izaya groans in aggravation.

"So he was confused for reasons unknown, because the reason for his confusion couldn't possibly have been anything to do with his brain since it is normal sized…" he 'corrects' himself before continuing.

"And then we talked, he threw some things at me, I threw some things at him, you know, just the usual banter and all that," Izaya says as he recalls the memory, a small smile tugging at the edges of his lips as the image of Shizuo swatting eggs with a parking signs pops up in his head.

"Aha, I see, and you stopped having the dreams after that?" Shinra asks while rubbing his chin with his index finger. Izaya nods his head.

"Yea, for a few days."

All too suddenly, Shinra slams his hands against the table and stands up, leaving Izaya to raise a quizzical eyebrow at him. Well, perhaps the underground doctor has finally snapped after years of illegal business practices.

"And did you touch? At all?"

Again, even more confusion than before, accompanied by an annoyed scowl and a light… heat rising up to his cheeks?

"What kind of question is that? Just where in the hell was I supposed to be touching him?" Izaya asks and yes, his cheeks definitely do feel warm. It's only because it's embarrassing. He thought an embarrassing thought that was gross and he shouldn't be thinking about.

"Any. Like, a brush of the shoulders, even a hit would do."

"I guess? I walked straight into him so my head definitely touched his chest," Izaya answers, shifting uncomfortably while Shinra starts pacing around the room, rubbing his chin and contemplating his thoughts once again.

"Well, I do have another theory, but it's a little bit farfetched. And you are definitely not going to like it," Shinra finally states a little nervously, which means that whatever he has on his mind is far worse than his previous three jokes.

"Shoot," Izaya says and flicks his wrist in Shinra's direction.

"Have you ever heard of the concept of soulmates?" the doctor asks after a slight pause. Izaya looks at him with skepticism. What do soulmates have to do with his predicament?

"As a fictitious concept, yes. It's quite popular in media, isn't it? This overly romantic and delusional concept that has people captivated with this idea of true love… yea, it's ridiculous but I'm familiar with it," Izaya gives his answer while thinking of his poor, precious confused and deluded little humans. Such instances are very amusing to watch as people convince themselves to stay in otherwise broken and toxic relationships because they think they have something special. Because they want to feel special. Obviously, Izaya doesn't believe in such myths himself. To think that it could actually be a real phenomenon is simply ludicrous.

"So…I'm kind of going to go on a limb here but… It may be, just may be slightly, possibly, potentially, with a small likelihood that you…and Shizuo-kun could be s-" Izaya abruptly cuts Shinra off before he can finish speaking with very loud, very obnoxious intense laughter. He already knows where this is going and he does not want to hear the rest of that sentence. If anything, it's completely hilarious. Him? And Shizuo? That protozoan? Such a thought truly is nothing but comical. If such a thing as soulmates even exist in the first place. Which, it definitely doesn't.

"Funny joke, Shinra. Really, out of all your little jokes, that one has got the be the only one that is genuinely humorous. Soulmates? Real? AHAHA and me? With that brute? You've outdone yourself, really," Izaya chokes out in between bouts of laughs. Just the thought is enough to bring back the uneasy feeling in his stomach. It has to be due to utter disgust, that's the only explanation for him feeling unwell. That, and early onset of the hyperglycemic coma from two chapters ago.

"I told you, you wouldn't like it. But soulmates do exist. There's been a few studies done on the subject over the last few years. The theory is that only about five percent of the population experience such a thing. And not just in the way that 'oh I think we are soulmates' type of thing. No, I'm talking about real, hard facts here. People having actual adverse reactions to not being with their soulmate that can range from anything really. Nausea, headaches, withdrawal symptoms, taking on their soulmates favorite hobbies, food preferences. What makes it more difficult to measure is that sometimes people who do have a soulmate don't always get to meet them. If they have very minimal contact with their soulmate, the bond is weaker so the effects will be slightly weaker. It's really different for everyone depending on the intensity of the relationship and the feelings involved and-"

Izaya just looks at him blankly, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Shinra, speak English why don't you? I can't understand a damn thing you're saying," he says flatly, and Shinra clears his throat, a little embarrassed by his overenthusiastic spiel.

"Ehem, don't you mean speak Japanese?" He corrects Izaya, but Izaya denies that statement.

"No, I mean speak English, because maybe then you will actually start to make some sense. What you're saying is beyond ridiculous."

The only thing Shinra can do is sigh.

"Look, I understand…you might be in shock about it but… if it is a soul bond then it would explain why your body is reacting a certain way…like craving very Shizuo-kun typical foods, or experiencing very Shizuo-kun-esque momentary rage filled black outs…it's like your body's way of telling you that you should be, theoretically, with Shizuo-kun," Shinra explains sheepishly while rubbing the back of his head.

"The only thing my body is telling me right now is that I will kill you if you don't knock it off with the stupid jokes already. I came here for help…not for you to…to make fun of me," Izaya deflects while pointing the tip of his knife at Shinra. Deep down, he's starting to feel somewhat hurt. He's genuinely struggling with something and here Shinra is, being a shitty friend as always, taking the situation lightly. After Izaya had gone through all the trouble of revealing his psychological pains to Shinra, the doctor had gone and made such false claims about him. Maybe he should have just gone to see Kyouhei instead, even if Izaya would have to deal with the rest of his annoying friends in that ridiculous little van of theirs… at least Kyouhei doesn't make fun of him.

For a moment, Shinra looks as if he wants to reach out to him and give him a friendly pat. He stops midway with his hand outstretched and promptly drops it.

"I'm not making fun. Soulmates are…pretty serious business. It's a worldwide phenomenon. You can look this all up online, there's hundreds of papers on the topic, just have a look. It won't cost you anything except a bit of reading time," Shinra reasons with him. If that's the way he wants to play this, then fine. Izaya will just play along for now, speaking purely hypothetically.

"If what you say is true…If… Then why now? Why is this all happening now? Why not years ago? Why not when we first met? Shizu-chan has always hated me from the very beginning. Surely if we are these… soulmates or whatever, shouldn't we-" For a moment, Izaya almost says 'dating by now', but he stops himself. Just the thought itself makes his throat constrict, leaving him unable to utter out such words.

"-Resolved our differences years ago?" he ends up saying.

"I'm no expert, but the most probable case scenario is that something must have happened between you two. Something that would trigger it…for example, perhaps you developed some sort of unreciprocated feelings for Shizuo-kun…" Shinra muses and Izaya stands up all too abruptly, his eyes wide and staring Shinra down as if he truly was just an insane practitioner.

"What feelings? I don't have any feelings for that monster except deep, immense hatred." Izaya screeches. Him? Orihara Izaya having feelings towards that… that thing? Any second now and Izaya wonders if he should just up and leave. His body is already tense, his mind in shambles, he doesn't need to have such texts thrown at him, knocking him even further off balance.

"Or perhaps it's the other way around and Shizuo-kun has developed some feelings for Orihara-kun," Shinra continues and Izaya takes a step back, nearly stumbling over his chair. His eyes are wide, and pupils dilated from shock.

"Impossible," he stutters out.

No way. There could never, ever be a possibility that Shizuo felt anything but hatred for Izaya. To say such a thing would mean that Shizuo is capable of love in the first place, which would mean Shizuo has a human quality. And if Shizuo is all too human, then Izaya would be in his own state of cognitive dissonance in which he would have to come to love Shizuo, thereby making his claim of loving humanity fully realized. But Izaya could never come to love to Shizuo, and Shizuo could never come to love him. Therefore, Izaya stays in the clear, continuing to believe that Shizuo is just a monster incapable of love.

Unless, he is.

He thinks back to that day a few weeks ago and his lips fall into a thin line, the image of Vorona clinging onto Shizuo's arm becoming fresh once again in his mind.

"Shizu-chan… does love someone, and it is definitely not me," he says, somewhat dejected as he turns away from Shinra and walks to the kitchen island. Still unable to face the doctor, he places his shaking hands against the counter, trying to steady himself as he's hit with another wave of heavy emotions.

"He…started dating some fucking Russian hooker so you know, maybe, just maybe, if he loves her so damn much, then maybe his love can just break this stupid soul bond, if such a thing exists, and we can all go back to living our normal lives," Izaya sneers, surprising even himself with how angry his voice sounds. A part of him may just be hoping for that, but the other part of him, the part that he would never admit to, wants to take back everything he just said.

Because Shizuo simply cannot love anyone else.

"You say that as you stab at my cutting board," Shinra hums and, as Izaya looks down, he notices that has indeed shifted from leaning against the counter to stabbing his knife through a wooden cutting board for the entirety of his speech. He stops his actions promptly and sighs deeply before putting knife back in his pocket. Just as he does so, a new devilish idea creeps up in his mind. His foul mood is immediately replaced with a pleasant feeling of anticipation.

"Say, hypothetically, I entertain this preposterous idea of yours. If it's perhaps that Shizu-chan loving some woman is the cause of all this, then say, hypothetically¸ all I would have to do…is get rid of that woman?" Izaya says in a falsely innocent way that comes across as nothing but scheming

"Err, define…'get rid of'."

To which, Izaya smirks, already giddy about the thought.

"You know…dispose of… through any means necessary," he muses as he walks back to the dining room and leans on the table.

"Hmm, well. That wouldn't be such a good idea. You could potentially ruin your relationship with Shizuo even further which would mean… even worse side effects for you. Or better yet, he might just end up deciding to finally kill you without knowing about the repercussions," Shinra explains.

"Great, so all I have to do is kill Shizu-chan first and problem goes away~" Izaya laughs and does a little twirl before planting his butt back into his seat.

"Orihara-kun, you are not going to kill Shizuo-kun," Shinra scolds him sternly while waving his finger at him, as if he were a kid and the doctor was telling him off for doing something bad. And just like a rebellious kid, Izaya continues to not give a damn.

"Why not? What could possibly happen? No more Shizu-chan equals no more soul mates. And if he dies, he won't be coming in to interfere with my business all the time. It's like killing two birds with one stone."

He says that and his euphoric rush should only be heightened by the thought. Yet the opposite happens. Suddenly, he gets an uneasy feeling in his stomach. It's a strange pain that twists and turns, making him feel slightly sick and in need of throwing up. The pain radiates up to his chest, squeezing and clutching his heart, making his ribcage feel too tight. Then his head, as he feels an oncoming migraine. Desperately, he closes his eyes and leans forward on the table, clutching his temples. Lack of sleep, that's what he decides to attribute this to sudden onset of pain to.

"There's your answer, apparently. Your body won't even let you think about doing such a thing, let alone doing it. Because if you did, you would feel immeasurable pain akin to ripping out your own heart. Killing Shizuo-kun would make you lifeless, you wouldn't even be able to function properly without constantly feeling as if a part of yourself is missing. Killing Shizuo-kun would be like killing a part of yourself."

Izaya takes in a shaky breath and waits for the pain to subside.

"Hypothetically, if all of this is real. Then it would be bad. But it's not. It's not real, so I have to," he groans, the pain only getting more intense until he's squirming in his seat.

"Then what reason do you have for killing him if none of this is real to begin with?"

Izaya scowls, unable to think of a reply. His head is pounding intensely now, so he pushes the thought of killing Shizuo out of his mind for now. So Shinra continues talking.

"Look, I think it is very much real. I've always had this feeling that there was more to you two than meets the eye. I don't even think that it's a simple soul bond. I think it's more like… you're two halves of one whole. Like Yin and Yang, like darkness and light. Never one without the other. It's not just something that will go away on its own… "

Izaya keeps on scowling, scowling until he thinks he will surely get wrinkles on his precious baby face.

"And you want to know what I think? I think you're full of shit and I don't even know why I came here in the first place," Izaya says in a huff and starts pouting like an irritated child who had just had their favorite toy taken away from them.

"I think you should at least try and foster this relationship and see where it goes. How bad could it be? You could finally make up with Shizuo-kun after years of antagonizing each other."

In that moment, something inside Izaya snaps. He feels damn irritated again, but it's not the same blind, red hot rage as before. No, this is something different, something more sinister. Feelings of anger mixed in with something else…disdain, regret, remorse… something… something that makes his blood boil.

"So funny coming from you, considering how in high school, you did everything you could to make us hate each other… now you're trying to bring us together? Don't make me laugh… your jokes really are not funny," Izaya spits out, and it seems as if he had struck a nerve with Shinra.

"You're accusing me? I never did such a thing," he defends. But Izaya knows his own truths. He remembers all the little instances that really solidified his and Shizuo's hate for one another. Those sly comments Shinra would sometimes whisper in Shizuo's ear when he believed Izaya didn't notice, the subtle smile every time he witnessed them fighting, right down to the way he introduced them.

"And I suppose the dumb brute found out what I was up to half the time all on his own? Without any help? But no, now look at you. Trying to so hard to bring us together. Why?"

"I have my reasons…" Shinra answers after a short pause, and Izaya rolls his eyes.

"Reasons pertaining to Celty, right?" he sneers. Now that he had her, there was no need to keep Izaya all that close by. Now that Celty kept in close contact with Shizuo, Shinra's suggestion would just be a way to ultimately benefit Shizuo. He doesn't care about Izaya in the slightest, nor does he care his desires.

Shinra doesn't give an answer, solidifying Izaya's hypothesis.

"Fuck you and your stupid theory, I'm leaving," Izaya finally snarls and hurries to the door without so much as a goodbye.