Chapter 17
/
Ami told no one of the incident on the hill. While Alonus knew something was troubling Ami, she didn't press the issue, even as she helped her to dress up the obvious bite wound on her arm. A few days passed, and Ami remained sullen and withdrawn. She avoided Goliathus like the plague whenever possible, and tried to stay near Alonus or use young Solarus as an excuse to keep clear of him. Trisha still stayed close to Ami, trusting only her, but at least she had a friend to confide in.
Well, Trisha wasn't exactly a friend...Ami wanted to think of her as one, but the woman wanted to leave, to get back home. Alonus however didn't want to let her leave until she promised to give up on her ultimate goal of trying to destroy her son. Again and again she told her the task was impossible, anyhow.
"You could torture him more, but would good would it do you? He is broken already, and the more you break him, the more evil he will become."
Trisha laughed in a mocking tone during one particular conversation. "Become evil? He IS evil."
"No..." Alonus replied, frowning deeply. "...not quite yet. But almost. Please don't help him to get there. You are not understanding my goal, or Ami's."
"Look, let me go the hell home. That's what I want!" She screamed.
"I will release you to your home the moment you promise you will give this up."
Trisha narrowed her eyes. "You're forgetting he murdered my brother. We were as close as two peas in a pod. I can never forgive him for that."
Alonus shook her head, and slowly walked away, thinking Barabas' efforts to persuade the girl may have truly been in vain.
It gave her a sudden, single thought to counter her with. "I know. But did not your brother forgive him? Did not your brother tell you to let this go?"
Trisha went silent.
/
A few more days went by. Alonus discovered a strange new habit in her son. He would come near Ami, standing there as if half-expecting her to just walk over like an obedient dog and follow him into his cave. However, when he saw her jump a little in fear at the sight of him and quickly stalk away to hide in the house or behind Alonus, he would seem as if lost somewhere, turn, and go...walking away from her. It was a sad, troubling behavior. For Ami it made sense. Goliathus had hurt her, she had figured that out. The bite mark had healed but left a rather unflattering scar on Ami's arm. So now, the human woman was afraid of him as if the slight bond they had once shared was completey severed. But for Goliathus...he wasn't so... angry anymore. He seemed only defeated and especially quiet. He sent no mental words to her, so it was impossible to know what he was thinking. Sometimes it seemed he was getting angry and was about to demand something from Ami, but each time he seemed to change his mind.
Alonus decided that the best thing to do was encourage Ami to try talking to him again. She only shook her head fiercely the minute she heard it.
"He'll hurt me again. I hate him. I told you."
"Ami." Alonus looked truly crestfallen. "Don't tell me you've given up. I will never accept my son's miserable treatment of you, but I am hoping to improve your relationship. Not sit here and watch you dissolve it."
"Relationship? You're kidding yourself, Alonus. I'm his breeder, his whore, and that's all he thinks of me. If I didn't have this compatible uterus, he'd just kill me and eat me for dinner." She said these words without looking at the female heradus, drawing random lines in the dirt with a small stick as they sat near the house. Her face was devoid of the usual warmth that Alonus had so liked about her.
"I told you, I'll never let that happen."
Finally Ami looked up at her, and tossed the stick away. "You sure weren't there on the hill that day, and neither was Barabas." She looked at her arm then, brushing her fingers on the scar.
Alonus sighed, and looked to be fighting tears. "You haven't told me what happened there."
"It doesn't matter. You weren't there, were you?" Deep inside, Ami knew this was unfair. Alonus was not a miracle-worker, despite all her powerful abilities. She couldn't possibly be around at every moment, but Ami just wanted to take it out on everyone around her. Sometimes, she still wished she could be back in her little cabin in the woods of New York, and find herself waking from a dream so that all of this would just go away.
"And despite the fact you're here, your son doesn't seem to care. I don't think he cares about anything or anyone, but himself. I mean I always thought that in a sense...but for a while...heh...for a while I thought just maybe he really did have a heart somewhere in there. I was wrong. So wrong." Ami got up to walk to the door of the house, but Alonus got up and gently grabbed her arm, forcing her to turn and look at her.
"My son does not care only about himself. He cares about nothing, even himself, because he has fallen into this belief that he is a lost cause. Have you not been watching him these past several days? Whatever happened on that hill...was not a victory for him, Ami. He sees how you run from him now. He wanted your fear, and got it. But you cannot even look at him now without loathing in your eyes. And he doesn't like it."
Ami couldn't believe what Alonus was telling her. It seemed to contradict everything that had happened. "But I thought it's what he wanted?"
"He thought that's what he wanted, yes. But believe me when I tell you, a lot of what he says are lies. He merely uses these emotions to try and control you. But Ami if he really hated you, you would have been dead the first day you met him."
Ami's eyes were growing moist. "WHY then, Alonus? Why? Because I can't take anymore of this abuse!"
"Because he really is insane. Don't you see that? His mind needs incredible healing. He will say he hates you one day, and then seek out your affection the next. He knows not how to love, or how to express it. He only holds onto the pain, torment, and hate that he experienced all those many years ago. Even with me, he tries to hide his feelings. But I know that despite him calling me a fool, or weak, or pathetic that he really is happy that I'm back. However since he knows I will never accept him like this, he pushes me away and tries to block me out so that he can just go on continuing the life he has always known. Even though that life is horribly lonely and full of the hate he cannot let go. THIS is where you come in Ami. A mother's love is not the same as the love of a mate, is this not so? You can get through to him because you have already started to. He is fighting you so hard the more this goes on because he does not want to feel what you are causing him to feel. I am sure it reminds him of Aelia. He did love her...and it was during a time when his mind was more innocent and understanding." Alonus paused briefly and for one moment seemed like she might not go on, but Ami was riveted, quietly staring at her. "With Aelia, he had finally begun to feel some sort of acceptance among humans. She was nervous around him at first, but after meeting me and hearing my stories of our kind, her fascination grew. I don't know how or why she chose to let herself fall in love with him, knowing he was technically her half-brother, but I do know that the feelings she had for him were so strong that it didn't seem to matter to her. Perhaps she felt because he was a different race that it didn't count. Whatever the reason, I could understand. Yes I agreed with Barabas when he told me in his fury that it must stop, and I did sternly tell my son that it must. But I did so only for Barabas. I was worried he was going to turn away from me should I tell him that I truly so no wrong in it. Our ways and understanding of things are different from that of humans. Yet Barabas...deep inside, was still frightened and unsure of the consequences. I know he loved me...but he also secretly feared the thought of our race coming back."
Ami blinked, and spoke in a whisper. "But Alonus...you proved to him by your very existance that your race was good and noble as a whole...Goliathus...despite what happened...he still has to be accountable for his actions."
"Yes..." she replied, tears slowly streaming down her face now. "...but perhaps my love sensed the evil that could lie within us. What can I say to that, Ami? My son, in the end...only proved he was right."
Ami frowned, only feeling an even more confusing mix of emotions. "Alonus..."
She couldn't think of what else to say, but Alonus gave a nod as if resigning herself to her next thought, and wiped the tears away.
"I will admit that perhaps I am seeing you not just as a true friend, but also as a savior of sorts. I want my real son back, of course I do. And I know that you would truly like him that way. " She smiled, and Ami felt the impulsive need to hug Alonus then. It was returned with mutual affection, and thoughts of her own long dead mother flashed through her mind.
"I'm sorry Alonus. I'm so sorry. I'm not going to give up...maybe I was for a while, but...I just got scared. I don't know what to do if he tries to hurt me again."
"He won't. I think he has upset himself with his own actions, and is acting so oddly now. But just remember, there will be times he will suddenly become hostile again and confuse you. These are the times you must use your own instincts to take the right actions. You must not let his ultimate weapon...fear...defeat you." She broke the hug and stepped back, her composure regained. Ami saw that strong glint of determination returned to her deep golden eyes.
It caused her confidence to grow again, and though she still dreaded it...Ami resolved herself to confronting Goliathus once more.
/
After making sure Solarus was fed and tucked into bed that night, Ami dressed warmly for the cold, putting her robe over her clothes, and crept quietly from the house to the cave. Alonus was still awake, but watching the child for her. Ami couldn't help another smile for a fleeting moment, thinking of Alonus and her gentle ways, like an adopted mother.
She is like a mother to everyone. So understanding and accepting. She may think herself a failure, but I admire the way she can still admit she loves Goliathus despite all he's done. If she can still see the good in him...I can too.
Of course Ami knew she never really wanted to believe he was truly evil, but after what had happened on the hill...the way he mocked her and laughed with utter cruelty in his words...no. She was not going to dwell on it.
It was over and must be forgotten.
Shocking herself with that thought, Ami found herself at the short yet treacherous climb to the entrance. She looked up and could see the flickering light of the fires reflecting off the stones. Closing her eyes for a moment, she forced any fear away and started to climb up carefully.
/
Goliathus was in his back room, mindlessly chewing on a large deer bone. He had not killed any humans in many days, and could not for the life of him figure out why. His thoughts and carnal desires were always on ripping into human flesh, and yet when he was hungry enough, he just went out and slaughtered more of the deer.
With no human remains to work with, he had started to use the deer's remains instead. The bizarre and horrifying sculptures he had come up with were like a nightmarish version of Picaso's paintings, or a taxidermist gone mad, and strewn all about his lair in a haphazard fashion. When he had sucked all of the marrow out of the bone, he tossed it aside and went to his moldy bookcase for the journal, and began writing.
When I open my eyes, I am on a dark and desolate road. One that leads to nowhere. I walk one way but the road goes on endlessly and eventually I end up where I started before. I turn and head down the other way, but only find a stone wall blocking my path.
He stopped writing, catching a scent on the air.
Ami. It was her.
She was coming to him? Why?
For the first few days after the incident, he had felt smug and satisfied with himself. The woman was clearly traumatized by his savage attack on her and he had felt her hatred build. Better for her to hate him after all, because then he could control her.
Then, he had realized how much he felt...troubled...when she saw him and fear widened her eyes. She'd run away, or hide behind his mother.
Her fiesty nature had always pleased him. From the beginning, she was willing to do whatever it took to survive, even submit to him. But that was also drowned in fascination and admiration of him. Despite all the carnage of the human massacre going on around her, somehow that woman still held to her feelings.
Even pity...was a bizarre emotion. Why would any human pity him? He who killed their kind like animals and used their remains as art to cover his walls?
So now...here it was again. Those feelings and emotions emenating from this woman he could not get out of his mind.
Ami felt like Aelia, from so long ago. But she was even more intense than that. It was something he really could not describe.
But after the rape she had screamed at him of how she hated him. He had felt it, too.
Why now...had that changed?
He decided to stay put, and wait for her.
/
Ami grunted as she neared the top, pulling herself over the ledge and getting to her feet. The cave was more dry at this time of year, thanks to the cold, and the fires gave off a pleasant smoky smell. But there was always the thought of having to see those bodies again.
When Ami stepped inside, she made herself keep moving and went straight back for the "feeding room". Once there she paused and stared at the oddball deer sculptures. She hadn't expected to see that, and it caused her to gape and stare for awhile.
They do not have expressions like humans. So I tried to be creative.
Ami shook her head and met eyes with Goliathus who was crouched on his old wooden table, etching designs into it with one of his many blades.
For a while, she said nothing. He shifted his position, brushed some of the wood dust off of his latest drawing, then slowly moved off of the table to a standing position.
So why did you come here? You've been avoiding me.
You raped me and bit me, in case you forgot. She hotly replied, although her mental voice was low.
She fully expected Goliathus to give his leering grin or malicious chuckle, but instead he leaned against the table, crossing one taloned foot over the other, and picked at his nails with the tip of the blade.
Yes. I did.
There was another very long moment of silence between them. Ami walked a few steps closer and sat near a small fire going in the center that he was probably using for light. The smoke traveled up into a very convenient hole in the ceiling but Ami wondered where exactly it ended up outside.
So. Enjoyed it, did you?
Goliathus grunted with a snort. He seemed to be having a private battle within, and Ami made sure not to interrupt.
I did...in the moment.
What does that mean?
I don't now.
Why? She eyed him suspiciously.
Can't say for certain. But I don't.
Well. You wanted me to fear you more. And I did.
His gaze bored into her own. You did...but now it seems you do not.
Ami chuckled, just slightly. Your mother has the gift of persuasion.
He raised an eyebrow, tilting his head slightly. Mother?
Yes. She keeps insisting you have good in you, Goliathus. She comforted me. I know now I can forgive you for what happened on the hill. But I want you to apologize. Can you do that?
For a moment, Ami knew she could truly feel his emotions when a surge of anger flooded through her. The thought of having to apologize to a human seemed to grate his pride. But rather than snarl or snap at her, he just snorted again.
I suppose.
Is that an apology?
Another long moment of silence.
I suppose it is.
At these words Ami seemed to melt in front of him. You really are sorry?
He blinked, not knowing what to make of her reactions.
Yes, little mouse. I am. But what difference does it make?
It makes a world of difference. She trembled slightly, so overwhelmed by the way he could make her feel. Just one apology...a true one...had seemed to make the incident on the hill just disappear. Part of her wanted to believe that one apology was not enough for what he'd done, but for Goliathus she knew this was a milestone.
Because he's feeling guilty. And if he's feeling guilty, then-
Did father ever tell you about Aelia?
Ami nodded, surprised at the question.
Did you really love her?
I suppose you would call it that.
Well...I get the impression she really loved you.
She did. But I could smell her heat. It was what drew me to her.
Ami felt her cheeks flush. You could sense she was a breeder?
Yes. But even more so...she wanted me. She had a great and carnal desire within her, and I saw no reason not to go along with it.
Ami was about to say something, but she felt his thought interrupt and roll into her own as if cancelling it out.
It was my undoing...and the undoing of my family. I got her pregnant. Somehow I knew father would not be pleased. I think father loved me. But he was afraid. He had a fear of the future. He knew other humans, or at least very few, would ever accept us. I knew this too, and always have. That humans will never accept us as a whole. And I still resent them for it.
Your mother had similar views...so, you think that Barabas wasn't really mad at you because you got her pregnant?
Oh he was, but it was also an excuse, to hide his fear. He feared the child growing within her, just as he had with mother before I was born. I am not certain I can understand this. How father could both love and fear us. He growled lightly.
When father snapped and killed Aelia, he killed a part of me as well. I saw my own sanity drain out onto the floor with her blood. I felt a sudden cold and evil malice come over me. I felt my hunger increase to a level even stronger than before.
Ami shivered at these words. That sounds...really weird...you literally felt it? Like some kind of force?
He thought on this for a few minutes. Yes. Cold. And what you call nausea. I know that now, but I had not experienced it before.
On the hill...it had happened again. A horrible sense of cold and anger. I reacted. I am confused, I want to reach out and rake my claws against your flesh even as I try and apologize to you. In one moment, I want to take you, as your body has been calling out to me. But in the next...I want to merely rip you apart.
His words were truly chilling. Oh god. Oh god...what if they're wrong, Goliathus? What if you're not insane?
But I am. I know that I am. I have been for centuries.
No...what if you're not? You almost sound...possessed.
What does this mean? Possessed by whom? No one owns me.
Ami thought on this, trying to figure out how to explain it to him. Then she remembered something Barabas had told her. Do you remember, in the cathedral? How you liked to paint the angels and other figures you saw your father drawing?
He nodded.
There were other figures on the wall, weren't there? Angels...but also demons. The ones that were opposite of angels. The dark, creepy shapes perhaps? Anything like that?
He searched his memories, and nodded again. I remember this. Father was a priest. He believed in both heaven and hell. He said angels came from heaven, and demons from hell.
Right. So being possessed means...a demonic force is invading your mind. It could be that...maybe...maybe it took advantage of you, since you were in such a state of despair over what happened with Aelia! What your father did.
Goliathus went rigid. It seemed he was seriously considering the notion, but then he shrugged.
And perhaps also...you simply have an overactive imagination. He chuffed, and walked past her towards the entrance. I hunger now. I will be back shortly.
Ami nodded, although her own idea was still coursing shivers of an entirely different fear down her spine.
/
The next day, Alonus said she had to go for a few days. She sat outside on the log near the firepit, staring at the sky. Ami looked at her dumbfoundedly. "But how are you going to protect me if you're not here?" Alonus looked over at Goliathus who was once again carving his never-ending art ideas into another bone. He seemed to sense her gaze and locked eyes with her a moment, then went back to his work.
"I think...for a while, you will be fine. It seems the discussion you engaged in had some effect." She smiled, but Ami sighed.
"I'd hardly call it progress-"
"I have to go Ami, to find Dinarius. And also...I promised a friend something."
"Friend?" Ami blinked.
"Yes, Jezelle...the Woman of the Seeing Eyes. She told me she needed time to consider my offer. Now I will find out whether or not she accepted. Her time is running short, one way or the other."
Goliathus glanced up again from his mindless etching. It seemed he was only doing so to keep his mind occupied on something other than his hunger. Most of the time, it seemed to work fairly well. "The blood exchange." He said aloud. Alonus caught the tone in his voice, he obviously didn't agree with this.
"Let the old woman die, mother. It is not your place to intervene."
Ami marvelled at Goliathus speaking like this. Although...she kind of wished he wouldn't. His voice was so deep, raspy, and generally eerie sounding while he slowly drawled out the words that she realized she much preferred his mental sendings.
She shook her head. "You may think so. But we could use her gifts for more positive means...and I could use a human friend who can perhaps even gather other friends. Is it not my goal to to do this? We are trying to live in greater harmony with humans, after all."
"It's your dream mother, and an impossible one." He coughed, clearing his throat. "Not mine."
"You see what eating humans has done?" Alonus said, seeming to ignore his comment. "Your voice is nearly ruined. No wonder you don't speak like this often." She chuffed and clicked her tongue. "You are slowly falling apart like aging leather."
Ami was a bit stunned by this. It never occured to her that some of the reasons Goliathus was the way he was...was due to his diet in a direct fashion.
Goliathus did not respond to this, only stopped speaking. He gave one last narrowed glance and then got up, heading away from them to one of the large boulders he loved to perch upon.
"Ha. He doesn't like when I say things like that." Alonus gave a slight chuckle, then spread her wings to give them a good stretch. "Ami, while I am gone, Barabas will be around. If you are truly in need of him, just call. Otherwise, he will conserve what little energy is left. " For a moment, sadness flashed across her features again. "I will soon lose my Barabas, forever. The bulla's power is gone. He is only hanging on by the energy of the other kind spirits of the cathedral victims who are aiding him."
Ami nodded, understanding. Even after all this time, Alonus remembered every detail of their lives together, and still loved the Roman priest. It made her heart ache right along with hers.
"I know." She gave her a warm smile. "I know. But he isn't going to forget you Alonus anymore then you are him." At that moment she heard Solarus in her mind, bugging to be fed.
"What will happen if Jezelle does accept?" Ami asked as Alonus was nearly about to take off.
"She will heal, and live a lot longer. Her abilities will be heightened. But there is a slight chance she will react badly to the heradus blood, and die."
Ami's eyes went wide. "That's...pretty intense."
"It is. But I offered this because Jezelle is near the end of her life anyhow. The choice is hers." With that, Alonus was gone, high into the air with a few mighty strokes of her midnight-black wings.
Ami had wanted to say more, and ask about Dinarius. Where was she going to find him? Did she even have the slightest clue where he might be?
So we are alone again.
Ami turned around and saw Goliathus eying her from his perch.
Not really. There's Solarus...and Trisha. And let's not forget your father. She hoped that last reminder would dissuade him from any hints of violence towards her.
Relax little mouse. I am not playing Creeper today.
Ami tightened the cloth belt around her robe and walked towards him, coming up to the right side of the huge boulder and lifting her chin. Well, isn't that just comforting. You're like Jekyl and Hyde. At any point you just might decide to play that game after all.
Not today. He put down whatever pointless thing he was tinkering around with and met her gaze. The icy blue of his eyes seemed entirely more normal lately...not so...cold.
You have been ready, for a long time. His eyes were still focused on her.
What are you going on about?
For another child, of course.
Incredulousness swept through her. He could not be serious.
And let me guess...you are going to force your little breeder to do it again, one way or the other.
He slowly slid off the rock, and Ami took several small steps backwards.
No. He folded his arms. I have seen what happens, when you feel your will is no longer your own in every sense. You withdraw from me. You hide as a rabbit who has sniffed out the stoat.
She quirked an eyebrow at him, then smirked ever so slightly. You didn't like that?
No.
Why...exactly? Isn't fear what you live on?
Fear is the drug. It controls me like a drug. I would not call it "living".
You are so damned confusing Goliathus. She slumped into a sitting position on the ground.
After a few moments of silence, he reached down, brushing clawed fingernails against her shoulder. The sensation coursed raw jolts down her side, igniting a spark of desire. Good lord, but how did he have such an effect on her?
Your scent is also like a drug. Drawing me to you. His rumbling purr started to vibrate through his chest, and Ami swore she could feel it through the ground.
She thought of what he said about Aelia...how he could smell her heat, as he put it. There was no doubt in her mind that in this very moment she must be in heat, and he was picking up on it. But Ami inwardly wished she could hide it from him. Where was her most private thoughts or bodily functions with this creature? He sensed everything about her, like she was a secret journal with embarassing confessions laid open for all to see and read, and she could do nothing about it.
Pursing her lips and turning her eyes away, Ami tried to ignore the feelings that were coursing through her.
Knock it off, will you. I'm hardly in the mood.
He chuckled dryly. A falsehood.
Oh, would you shut up already? I hate that I have no privacy with you. You know what? She thought, slightly peeved, and turned her eyes back on him. Howabout you teach me how to block people out of my mind, like you do with your mother sometimes?
He snorted. Why would I do that?
Because you're like an invasion of buzzing mosquitoes in my head. I swat at them only to find there are more and more, gossiping about every thought and feeling in my brain. That's why.
He didn't argue the issue further as she expected he might, but rather gave a vague explanation.
It is about visuals...mental imagery if you will.
You mean like imagining a brick wall around yourself?
Yes...something like that.
Ok. I can do that.
He climbed back onto his rock. Of course it will take time for you to master it. Not necessarily easy.
Doesn't matter. If it will keep you from snooping around in my head then I'm going to practice every day until it works. Huffing she got up and tried to pull herself up the huge boulder next to him, but kept slipping down. After the third try when she was just about to give up, he grabbed her arm and hoisted her up. A bit startled she blinked at him, nervous now because she was so close and pressed up against his side.
So you do want to be near me?
Ami hung her head low, averting her eyes. Promise me you'll never do that again...what happened on the hill. I can't take anymore of this psychic abuse Goliathus. I know you struggle in your own mind, but if I have a constant fear you might snap one day and kill me, I can't ever know I can really trust you.
He grumbled, and did not reply.
Why do you like to be up here? She said, putting her hands in her pockets as there was still a bit of chill in the air.
High places. He answered. The sky is our true home.
I do like to fly with you. When it's not for days on end or in fear you'll drop me.
He grumbled again, and Ami couldn't help but smirk.
Not one for admitting things, are you?
Must you always talk so much, and ask so many questions?
Ami chuckled, and was inadvertently leaning into his side more.
It's just the way I am. You may not like conversation but I do, and I can't help but be curious about things.
After a long stretch of silence, Ami figured the conversation was over anyhow.
Well, I best go see if Solarus needs anything. He's sleeping-
Leave him. Stay here. An arm had come around her, holding her close. Like a vice, she found she couldn't move and her anxiety grew. She didn't want this nice moment to turn bad, although his tone had not indicated he was angry.
What? Ami kept her eyes on the ground, afraid to meet his gaze.
I told you, little mouse. Purring again, he leaned in close to her neck, drawing in her scent. Ami shivered, not sure what to do. Should she just give into him, despite what he'd done? She felt he needed to learn he couldn't always have his way, and that she would not let him rule her with fear, like Alonus had insisted. But while that was all well and good, he was a dangerous creature, and getting him mad was something she hoped to avoid like the plague.
Goliathus...
He moved in closer, grabbing her more tightly and his tongue darting out to taste the sweat starting to bead on her face and neck.
You're only making me nervous.
One clawed hand travelled down to her waist, and he reached into her pants, seeking her entrance with his fingers.
Ami sucked in her breath, her whole body trembling. He started to move those fingers inside her, causing a flush of hot lust to build within her very core. But he was still making her nervous, with one slight change of his maneuvering he could be cutting her from the inside.
No! Knock it off, would you? She managed to break the contact, pushing him away. He grunted, but stopped. After another uncomfortable bout of silence he hopped off the rock.
I see now much of this is my fault.
But I-
You're afraid. Much more than you were before. I have surely succeeded in that.
Ami took a deep breath. Of course that was true.
And has not it been said, 'Be careful what you wish for?'
He walked away off into the woods, leaving her there with desire still coursing through her veins.
/
"I admit. I thought about it every day since you left." Jezelle was sitting in her chair, at home. She had stayed there and not returned to the nursing home facility. They had called, but she insisted on not leaving, and truth be told, they couldn't force her to stay there after all.
"You seem worse." Alonus frowned. Her arms were folded and she was leaning on the doorframe in the living room.
"I'm having...trouble breathing now. I know I should have called the hospital, but-"
"Tell me what you want, old woman. If you wish to die, I surely will not intervene. But..." She sighed. "I see you as a friend. I would hope you'd make the other choice."
Jezelle gazed around her house for a while, her eyes moistening. "You know I think back all those years to when I was trying to help the Jenners. Poor Darry. He was so young. Never deserved an end like that." She looked at Alonus, shaking her head every so slightly. "I felt like a failure, too. I still do, even now."
Alonus waited, staring at her.
"I thought maybe my gifts could be used to make a difference. But momma Alonus it did nothing. Don't you see? It did nothing. How, in the end, am I going to be of any use to you?"
"A human friend." She said softly. "Gifts or no...I would want you around for that reason. At the very least, you could perhaps persaude other humans to trust us."
Jezelle sighed. "Alonus honey...you know that's impossible. It just ain't gonna happen, cause we humans can never truly accept somethin' so different than us. So much more powerful than us."
"You sound like my son. It's not so impossible, old woman. I've seen it before. I told Ami of the stories of heradus males...with harems of female women."
Raising a brow Jezelle gave a weak chuckle. "My goodness. Well...that was many, many years ago, wasn't it? An entirely different time, and people with a different way of thinking. It just ain't gonna happen in today's world."
Alonus went to counter, but Jezelle spoke first. "Your race is nearly gone. And why do you think that is? Alonus I wouldn't trust humans at all. Yes you may find a rare soul or two...like Ami...like myself I guess...but even Barabas snapped, and killed his daughter because a heradus child was growing in her belly! That's the real reason, and you know it! Huh..." she sank back more heavily into her chair, taking a few deep breaths as she gazed out the window. "...that poor priest. He regrets, but there's no undoing what he did." She fixed her eyes back on Alonus. "There's no undoing what Goliathus did, either." It was spoken low, but Alonus sank to her knees. "I will change this! I will fix him!" she sobbed, and Jezelle clucked her tongue, struggling to get up from her seat. "Oh chile, oh chile I didn't quite mean it that way...now now, don't you go gettin' all upset..." She shuffled over, slow, weak, and tired, but somehow managed to kneel down beside her and pat her on the shoulder.
Alonus only continued to sob. After so many endless years, the emotions had finally spilled over and Jezelle could only feel guilty at having triggered it.
I'm so sorry. I'm not trying to say it was all you fault. I just said it can't be undone.
No...no I can't change the past. But I am trying to protect the future. It is one reason I am so desperate to find Dinarius. If I can, he can help me for sure. Not just to watch over Ami, but also to show Goliathus the right way.
Why not you? You're his mother.
Alonus shook her head. We only end up arguing. Even coming to vicious blows. He feels far too much guilt around me because I am his mother. He needs a more neutral standpoint...if you will.
Dinarius has never eaten humans?
Her eyes widened. No. A sudden memory crossed her mind, and she smirked slightly, the crying stopped. But he did have a taste for dogs. I remember it annoyed our human friends from long ago, when their pets would always go missing.
Jezelle said nothing for a while, then she laughed...for a good several minutes, Alonus joining her.
Thank God I don't have a dog. I'm more of a cat person! Still chuckling she painfully moved from her knees to a sitting position. Well Alonus. My my my.
Have you made up your mind then?
"It is nice to have a true friend." She said out loud, and smiled.
/
After having fed Solarus his lunch and made sure he was all right, she gave him some puzzles to play with and then went to see Trisha on the top floor of the house. She walked into the room and saw her reading a book.
"So where is he?" Trisha asked, before Ami could say anything.
"He's gone into the woods somewhere. Probably looking for more deer." She pulled up a chair to sit next to Trisha who put the book down.
"I need to go follow him, and talk to him some more. Something is happening, and it's too important to just leave him alone yet."
Trisha furrowed her brow as if confused, then stared at her intently. "What happened on that hill, huh? I saw that wound on your arm."
"He got a little carried away. It's just a flesh wound, and it healed."
"Mm-hm. Doesn't explain much about the bruising around your mouth I noticed for a few days."
Ami shuddered inwardly, trying not to think too much about that part. "Like I said, he got a little carried away. But he has a damaged mind."
"So...you still want to talk to that monster even after he did that to you?"
"I have no choice really."
"Are you kidding me? You DO have a choice. Why do you keep doing this, Ami? That freak mother of his told me she'd keep him away from you, if you really wanted. You're not his slave anymore."
Ami sighed, and scratched the back of her neck. "Well...it's because I love him. I thought you understood that by now."
The look that came across the other woman's features made Ami suddenly feel very uncomfortable. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She said in a very hushed voice. "How can you say that about such a disgusting, ugly monster?"
It was hard to know how to respond to Trisha, who clearly had a whole different set of eyes when it came to her views of these creatures. But to call him a disgusting, ugly monster? Did she think that about Alonus too, who Ami thought was beautiful beyond words?
"You only hate them because of what happened to your brother."
"Yes well excuse me. I know it's so weird that like I'm actually a little, ya know...peeved that my brother is dead, and by that freakish nightmare you say you're in love with." She sarcastically replied. The chair scraped along the floor noisily as she shot up to her feet, shoving it against the wall.
Trying not to get angry with the obviously emotionally unstable woman, Ami put her chin in her hands, resting her elbows on her knees. "I know it's hard, Trisha. I know I'll never learn to heal him if I can't put away all of my own fears and doubts."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"It means you will have to do the same, if you ever want the pain of your brother's death to go away, and for you to be able to move on. It's been over two decades now."
"And you know what I did, during all that time?" She asked, shaking a finger in her direction. "I worked my ass off to get the best education and degrees I could muster. I planned and planned carefully for years, living like a pauper at times, to slowly build my wealth. I gained friends in high places. Those men you saw helping me are victims too, you know that? They lost a wife, a daughter, a son. To that fucking hideous demon you are sitting here and telling me you care about. What did you do all that time when you were with him, Ami? Did he rape you? Or were you indeed like a little whore, letting that monster fuck you whenever he wanted, while you moaned and writhed under him like a bitch in heat? Are you getting off on seeing him eat humans? Are you going to start joining him, too?"
"Shut up!" Ami leapt to her feet and struck the other woman hard across the face. Trisha reeled back, almost losing her balance, but steadied herself with one hand on the wall. A bit of blood seeped from her lower lip.
"Well damn. Truth hurts, don't it?"
"It's not the truth, you stupid idiot! Of course I'm not going to start eating humans! And stop calling Goliathus a monster and a freak!" She raised an arm again as if she would strike her once more, but thought better of it. "And his mother...she's never harmed a human in her life. She's hurt deep inside, and trying to help her son whose actions she blames herself for. You don't even know the pain she suffers, or what I had to go through to get her back here! Everything anyone tries to tell you, even the spirit of your own brother, goes in one ear and out the other! You know whose a freak and a monster, you are! You captured Goliathus so you could slowly torture and maim him! He's been through that before, and you know what it did? You know who turned him into a killer? People like you! People like you who tortured his mother before his very eyes, who hated him just because he looked different, who never accepted him! We humans created the Creeper. WE did."
The room went silent. Trisha stared at her with a stoic expression, while she stood there with her hand pressed against her lip.
Ami had her fists clutched tightly against her sides. "And now, Patricia Jenner, we have to fix this problem that we created. Not make it worse."
With that, she quickly exited the room, brushing past her.
/
Ami wanted to find Goliathus to be alone with him, but she couldn't risk leaving Solarus alone with that woman, she she took him with her. Before she left the house she grabbed a small duffel bag with some supplies, just in case, and made sure little Solarus had his hoodie on. Then she left, looking over her shoulder once at the upper windows and shook her head before walking briskly down the rough forest path.
Where we going, momma?
Ami smiled, at last her son was getting it right. To find your father.
Ohhh... he pouted. But last time, dadda was angry. I no like him.
It will be all right. Dadda is just confused. He doesn't really want to hurt momma.
Hm. Solarus' lower lip jutted out. Dadda doesn't like Sollie.
Ami stopped in her tracks, looking down into his eyes as she held him. That isn't true.
No, true. Dadda say I too weak.
He just says that because you won't hurt humans. He doesn't mean that though. In truth, you're the strong one, and he's the weak one, Solarus.
His pout disappeared, to be replaced by an adorable, toothy smile. I luv you, momma.
Ami giggled, hugging him close and continuing down the path. And you are my sun in my sky, little baby.
After about an hour, Ami had still not found Goliathus. She had been mentally calling as well, but he wasn't answering. Growing slightly alarmed, she decided to stop for a while and have a snack, while thinking out her next action. Where could he be? There were plenty of deer all around. Something was just odd.
Oh, momma. Granddaddy say something about the pond. He said suddenly, while taking her offer of some dried fish rather happily.
Pond? Are you talking about Barabas? Ami wondered why she couldn't hear him. Was Solarus more mentally sensitive than her...like a radio with better reception?
He scrunched up his little face in confusion. He say, daddy is by a pond, and just standing there.
Ami blinked, just as confused as he was. Why in the world would he be standing by a pond, and doing nothing?
Which way do we go?
That way, momma! Solarus pointed to their right. Going off the path could get them lost, but she had to find him.
All right, let's go then.
/
End chapter 17 - Reviews and more reviews, pretty please. :)