Little Papa Alan
By dEBB987
Flug had been working on the lab, as usual, when a polite knock interrupted him.
Definitely not Demencia. He thought, putting the chemicals aside before turning to see the visitor. Alan waved at him from the lab's entrance, making a silent "come here" gesture, looking at both sides as if to make sure there were no witnesses to their interaction.
Not suspicious at all.
Using the man's blind spot, Flug grabbed the shrinking gun from one of the table's drawers and placed it in the pocket of his lab coat before cautiously advancing to the entrance. He would never harm the author, but there were ways to contain him harmlessly, if needed.
"Yes?"
"You know next month there are no celebrations, yeah?" It was November, so it went without saying that the following month all sort of decorations and festivities were not exactly allowed.
"Well— yes, that's obvious."
"Yeah, so, totally unrelated to what we're NOT celebrating next month—" Alan snickered to himself, one arm comically rummaging in a bag Flug was only just noticing. "— I've brought you a little something!"
Now he understood the need for discretion.
Looking at both sides of the empty hallway — was this how it felt like to deal drugs? — Flug covered his mouth with both hands to drown the happy squeal once the contents were revealed.
Small airplanes collectibles, ones he was missing! As well as two others figurines; a robotic character that was oddly familiar for some reason, and a pikachu, since Pokemon was one of his favorite shows. James from Team Rocket was, in particular, the best character. The voice actor for the Latin Spanish dub was really good at his job.
"They're perfect!"
"Have a happy— uh, day. Yeah." Alan winked, stepping closer for a quick, one-armed hug across his shoulders while whispering. "There's also a batch of airplane cookies in the kitchen, 5.0.5 helped."
Flug could feel happy tears make his googles glisten as he nodded, returning the hug with enthusiasm before taking out the shrinking gun to make his gifts smaller, so they were now safely tucked inside his lab coat.
"Gonna go now, I've another to deliver. Hope you like the cookies!" Alan said with a small wave before walking down the corridor. Flug waved back, waiting for the author to be out of sight before going to the kitchen.
"Hola mi gordito!" Flug saluted happily upon entering. The blue bear returned his greeting with a happy Baw! sneaking a quick bear hug before guiding him towards the table.
"Has he visited you already?" Flug asked as he munched on his first cookie. Oh, these were even his favorite flavor! Truly the best!
"Baw!" was the happy affirmation, one paw going to the pocket of the maid outfit to take out a plushie. It wasn't a character Flug recognized.
"Achis, y ese ¿quién es?"
"Arooo."
"Oh, that's Alan." Now that 5.0.5 mentioned it the resemblance was uncanny, even if the plushie was dressed a bit more elegantly than the real person, with an actual coat over the white T-shirt and a strapped tie instead of the usual black one. The bear nodded, hugging the small plushie to his chest before safe-keeping it in the pocket once more.
A giggle from above made them look up at the ceiling.
"Oh. Hola Demencia."
"Hola Flug! Oso!" She squealed, dropping from the ceiling with an artistic pirouette. "Ain't today the best day?!"
Ah, so she had already received something as well.
"What did you get?"
"Look at my DARLING!" Dementia screeched while raising a Black Hat plushie — that was bigger than her other one by a few inches — in a very simba-like manner. "Tan guapo!"
Flug snorted but nodded in agreement all the same, already used to Demencia's particular view of their frightening boss. 5.0.5 was looking at the plushie with a cooing face, like it was the most adorable thing in existence.
"Don't even think it Oso! It's MINE!" Demencia growled with something akin to rabies fuming from her mouth, protectively getting the plushie away from the bear, before looking interestedly at the maid's pocket. "Although having one of Da-da would be nice too…"
5.0.5 made an affronted squeak, shaking his head negatively while taking out the plushie to hug him closer to his chest.
"Is Alan staying for today?" Flug asked just so he could get her attention away from 5.0.5's gift.
"Nah, I think he came only for delivery." Demencia waved dismissively, still eyeing the Alan plushie with interest. "The only one pending was—"
"BUAHAHAHAHA!" An evil cackle resounded over the manor, making it shake as if a small earthquake had started.
"— my love's gift." Demencia finished with a manic grin at the ceiling, apparently finding Black Hat's laugh contagious.
"Wait— then he's getting one too?!" But the eldritch was the one to make the ban in the first place!
"Well duh! How else is Da-da going to be allowed to give gifts? Bribery! Bribery is the way!"
How could an eternal being of pure evil be persuaded?
"Do you know what he got him?" Flug asked, insanely curious.
"Something funny, apparently?" Demencia shrugged, before a mischievous smirk extended across her face. "Wanna go figure it out?"
(x)
This was a terrible idea.
"This is a terrible idea." Flug whispered as he walked cautiously under Demencia, who was silently crawling over the ceiling.
"But you're still here, aren't you?" Demencia giggled softly, looking down at him and then turning to watch 5.0.5, who was still hiding with only the head peeking around the corner. "Come on, bear. My darling is in a good mood, at most he'll probably just screech at us."
Last time that happened their skin had melted off their body. The memory made Flug shudder, halting mid-step. They were already in the hallway that led to Black Hat's office though, so it was probably already past the turning point.
"Oh, no, no!" A shriek could be heard from inside the main office, even when they still had a few meters left to reach the set of doors. The mad scientist had never heard Alan make such a sound— a blend of utter terror and fun, similar to how civilians would enjoy a haunted house in a festival.
There was something akin to a purr, mixed with grumbles and insectoid buzzing.
"Gross, gross! Stay away from me!"
"HAHAHAHA!" A delighted laugh, the murderous and cruel quality replaced with one that was just... downright playful.
"Why are you like this—"
"HA! You MADE ME!"
"Ni madres, this is not on me—eeeeeeaaak!"
The door slammed open in Alan's rush to escape, the man running so fast he bumped with Flug in less than a second— but thankfully one of the living armors caught them before they could crash on the floor. Black Hat's nightmarish form was already going back to normal, but from what Flug managed to glimpse the eldritch's appearance had been insectoid like. Like a giant cockroach?
The shrinking gun fell out of his pocket during the collision, sliding harmlessly over the carpet. 5.0.5 picked it up, holding it between big paws even as he walked closer to Flug and Alan, looking down with concern.
"Why are you here when I didn't call for you?" The eldritch sounded so absolutely livid, even Demencia had the grace to get off the ceiling to take cover behind both males. For once, Flug could understand the sentiment, since they had inadvertedly cut off the villain's fun.
"You guys are a life safer," Alan sighed between dying chuckles, straightening at the same time as he pulled at Flug's arm to help him up. "Thanks. Truly."
"Con un demonio." Black Hat scoffed, curling a single claw towards himself. Shadows came to life from underneath them, which made Flug step backwards with a shriek, while Alan was physically whisked away, now standing disoriented behind the fuming eldritch.
The hallway quickly turned into an oppressive path to hell itself, as Black hat's visible pupil split in two, a red glow coming from behind the monocle. Flug stepped closer to Demencia with a frightened whimper, while 5.0.5 dropped the gun in his paws to hug them both from behind, trembling uncontrollably.
"How dare—"
"Me lleva la—" Alan cursed at the same time, quickly followed by a small, acute, "ouph!"
The shrinking gun had accidentally fired when 5.0.5 dropped it, and the poor man had been the first thing in its path.
Time itself seemed to halt, as everyone in the hallway turned to look at a very, very small Alan. The author was now the size of a forearm.
"Ay no." Alan squeaked when Black Hat picked him up by the back of the vest, using only his index finger and thumb, the pinky raised unnecessarily. "My dear son, although compassion is not part of your vocabulary, may I be so bold as to ask for mercy…?"
Black Hat grinned mischievously with too sharp teeth, snake-like tongue flickering out as he hissed a snicker at his caught prey.
"You can leave." The eldritch waved dismissively at the manor's inhabitants, gaze fixed in a troubled Alan, who was now trapped by the waist in a gloved hand. "Don't set a foot in this hallway if it's not by my command, or else."
"Um, jefecito?" Flug asked stupidly, even when every fiber of his being was telling him to escape now that he could. "What should I do with the shrinking gun…?"
An interested hum, shadow tendrils devouring the artifact that had been lying on the carpet without a single word, the eldritch not even bothering to turn to look at him. Alan had raised both arms in mock surrender, which made the villain snort lightly, the evil grin losing a bit of its edge, becoming softer.
"Which gun, doctor?" Black Hat smirked briefly at Flug, before stepping back into his office with the small victim still trapped in a single hand.
"Con un cara—" Alan started to say before he was interrupted by the closing door; the locking click drowning the rest of the word.
The hallway was silent for a second as the crew processed the odd turn of events.
"Ay pobrecito." Flug lamented half-heartedly, turning on his heel so he could get down to the lab to start working on another shrink-grow gun. He needed it to get his gifts back to normal size, after all.
"A small Da-da is kind of adorable," Demencia admitted, not worried about the author in the slightest. If anything, Alan was safer in Black Hat's office than anywhere else, since his current size was a bit too easy to overlook. The last thing they needed was someone accidentally stepping on the poor man.
"Arooo?" 5.0.5 wondered out loud, the Alan plushie hugged protectively against his chest for comfort. Flug patted the fluffy blue arm reassuringly.
"He'll be fine, don't worry." The author was the only person that would always be safe from the villain, of that Flug had no doubt.
This was confirmed several hours later when a normal-sized Alan left the building, giving them a "worth it!" wink along with a thumbs up.
"Bribery always works." Demencia muttered knowingly with a snort from her place over 5.0.5's head, laying like a lazy lizard basking under the sun. "See you soon, Da-da."
"Happy day to you too," Flug wished, since he wouldn't be able to do so once they reached December.
"Baaaw Baa Baaw!" The blue bear sing-songed adorably, new plushie still held caringly in his paws.
(x)
Flug thought that would be the end of it, but he was starting to suspect that witnessing a shrunk Alan had left quite the impression on 5.0.5.
The blue bear treated the Alan plushie with outmost care, bringing it with him no matter he went, to the point that he had approached Flug to ask for a reinforced backpack for safe keeping it during missions. It wasn't… a problem, per se, but the behavior was still odd.
The mad scientist had also caught the bear speaking with hushed tones at the plushie at night, before cooing at it and finally curling to sleep. It was something he would expect from Demencia and her Black Hat merchandise, not from 5.0.5.
"So, um, how is the little P.A.?" Flug asked awkwardly. The abbreviation that would normally stand for Personal Assistant now meant Papa Alan.
He was asking about little Papa Alan. It was so freaking weird.
"Baw!" The blue bear shared, nuzzling at the plushie contentedly. The sentiment was so contagious it made Flug chuckle along.
"That's good to hear."
"Selfish bear." Demencia protested, a bit of munched cereal escaping as she spoke among mouthfuls. "Why do you never let me borrow it? I'm sure little P.A. would get along well with my Blacky Hattie!"
Predictably, el pachonsito pressed the Alan plushie closer to himself, shaking his head negatively with an affronted "Bawrf."
"Hey! My Blacky Plush was made by Da-da, of course he can behave!" Dementia defended, raising one leg to angrily stomp the breakfast table.
Flug ignored them — he never really understood how they could treat toys as if these were alive — sipping at his lukewarm coffee before the TV feed suddenly changed.
"Greetings." Said a robotic voice Flug still could hear in his bad dreams, the last chapter of his favorite series forever ruined.
"You!" He screeched with an accusing finger at V.I.R.U.S. the goddamn spoiler! "You better leave before I wipe you out of existence, you little—"
"A fantastic idea." Black Hat's voice interrupted as the kitchen was consumed with darkness, numerous glowing eyes staring at the three of them with cruel glee. "After all, this supporter has just found the remaining two."
The remaining two? What— oh. The agents.
The ones that had been stupid enough to try to hack into Black Hat's Org. main database. Demencia had taken care of three, with a couple escaping…
"You know what to do." Black Hat's voice ordered with a short, evil cackle, as the darkness melted away to reveal a huge building.
Well, they had got work to do. Flug better started to devise a plan—
"YOU'RE MINE, BEACHES! HAHAHA!"
…why bother.
(x)
Everything went from bad to worse to unsalvageable in less than half an hour. The mission was a failure, no matter how Flug tried to look at it. There were no alternatives, no back up plans, and no idea on how they could catch the two agents that had already successfully escaped.
"Unable to track." V.I.R.U.S. stated matter-of-factly from a TV screen, the only one that was still somewhat functioning, screen glitching. "Database cleared. There's nothing on the PodemosBailar website anymore."
"I'll make'em pay!" Demencia slurred sleepily, having been shot at with multiple tranquilizers during the whole confrontation. It was a miracle she was still awake and moving. "Bring'em to me!"
"Bawr!" 5.0.5 cried in distress, hastily opening the damaged backpack, sighing with relief upon spotting the unharmed little P.A.
"We are— ack." Flug complained when his spine popped painfully. "We are so very dead." Going back empty handed was their only option for now, which was bound to be… even more eventful, once Black Hat found out.
"Indeed." The eldritch's voice rumbled as darkness consumed their surroundings once more. Flug squeaked and trembled, already kneeling down in hopes to lessen whatever consequence this would bring. He was mildly envious of Demencia's sleeping form, snoring and drooling at his side.
Black Hat looked murderously angry, as was to be expected.
"You've failed yet again, I see." He grumbled inhumanly, the darkness curling around them like snakes about to strike.
5.0.5 stepped closer, kneeling so he could hug both, the scientist and the knocked-out hybrid lizard with one arm, little P.A. in the other.
The shadows suddenly froze up.
Black Hat was no longer looking at them with rage, now more… stunned, the single visible eye hyper-focused on the stuffed item.
Now that Flug thought of it, this was the first time 5.0.5 had little P.A. outside of the backpack in the villain's presence.
"…ugh." He scoffed at last, but all traces of monstrous anger had already evaporated away. "What is that thing?"
"Bawr?" 5.0.5 inquired, reluctantly showing little P.A. to the immortal eldritch.
"Yes, that. Where did you get it?"
"Aroo…" The bear admitted against better judgment, bringing little P.A. closer to his chest.
"Of course it was." Black Hat growled under his breath, the single visible eye rolling exasperatedly. "Get out."
…what?
No torment, no punishment for their failure?
"Right now!"
"Ah, no— I mean, yes, Jefecito!" Flug screeched with a jolt, gesturing for 5.0.5 to pick up the unconscious Demencia so they all could flee the office.
In one piece, surprisingly.
(x)
It wasn't a fluke.
Flug would never admit it out loud, nor share this particular discovery with anyone in the history of ever, but apparently, Black Hat's ever-present temper had a turn off button, and that was little P.A.
He had instructed 5.0.5 to have the plushie in his grasp whenever they were with their boss, as an experiment. The blue bear had refused the first few times, convinced something horrible would happen to his precious gift, but once Flug could persuade him the result was the complete opposite.
Sometimes Black Hat would immediately grow into an incredibly monstrous being, making the bear — and Flug too, if he was honest —dash away with fright. Other times though, and these were the ones Flug found most interesting, the eldritch would abruptly halt whatever he was doing or saying, and leave without a word, a mildly annoyed scowl on his face.
Perhaps 5.0.5 wasn't the only one affected by the shrunk version of Alan. The eternal villain had been exposed to the little author for several hours, after all.
Flug was starting to become used to this slightly-less-dangerous version of his boss when 5.0.5 slammed open the door of his lab, crying inconsolably.
"What do you mean, you can't find little P.A.?!"
"BAAAAWR!"
"But it's always with you! Who could have— esa hija de la lagartija." Flug muttered with a facepalm, grabbing the radio he used to give orders to the hat-bots. "Locate her!"
Distantly, he could hear a "You'll never catch me alive!" war-cry, followed by the sound of a metallic massacre. Flug motioned for the bear to follow, walking with long strides towards the source—
Only to pause just outside of her room. He had never set a foot there before, and he would rather keep it that way.
"Demencia, just… give little P.A. back." Flug demanded, knocking at the closed door a couple of times.
"Arooo!" 5.0.5 howled pleadingly.
"Yeah, yeah, I just took little P.A. because the selfish bear wouldn't lend it!" Demencia justified, opening the door slightly while holding not only one but two plushies. "I just wanted to know if they would get along— and look, they do!"
"Demencia, they're not alive." Flug mocked, looking down at the… huh?
The Black Hat plushie somehow managed to look grumpy but happy all the same. And little P.A. seemed more peacefully content.
"Is that normal?"
"My Blacky Hattie usually doesn't react to anything, but little P.A. seems to please him. Aren't they a happy family?"
"I… guess so?"
"I'll ask for plushies of ourselves next year, so we all can be together!" Demencia squealed, hugging both items strongly to her abdomen. They didn't react to it— no, of course they wouldn't, they were inanimate objects!
"Sure, whatever, just give little P.A. back to 5.0.5."
"Bawr?" The huge bear inquired, looking at the small plushies with interest, before nodding with an understanding "Arooo."
"What? What do you mean, she can keep them?! You love that thing!"
"Baw baa baw."
"Little P.A. is happy anywhere! It's not alive!"
"Awesome, you can come visit them at any time, bear!" Demencia giggled, immediately contradicting herself by stepping inside her room and kicking the door closed at their faces, taking both plushies with her.
"Baw, baw!" 5.0.5 waved in farewell, already turning around to leave, seemingly unaffected.
Flug lamented the loss of their Black-Hat-calming object, sighing with defeat before dragging his feet back to the lab.
Unknown to him— or anyone else in the manor, truly — little P.A. would become the most sought-out object in the millennia to come, long after the mortals in the manor were gone.
Legend said, the little cute object could be traded for anything the holder so desired, if they made a deal with the otherworldly eldritch that could bend reality to his whim. One that was, seemingly, oddly attached to the doll.
AN:
This was so much fun to write hahaha! Truly, the fanart is just so *chef's kiss* inspiring for someone like me. I'd recommend you check this story o so you can see the fanart. I don't know how to place pictures in ffnet.
Next chapters are already done for the most part, but comments make me write faster ;D I'm always happy to read you!
See ya' around, dEBB987.