"Dying is a Delicate Moment"
A fanfic by Agara
"Kill me. Kill me if you ever loved me."
And he kills her.
CHAPTER TWENTY : YOU BROKE ME FIRST
Song : You broke me first by Tate McRae
03.01.1944 :
The rain had not been pouring for more than two minutes that Hermione was already drenched. A few feet ahead, Pollux was laughing as he ran towards the nearest tree, the big one near the Black Lake. She increased the speed and joined him, breathless but a grin plastered on her face. Pollux was laughing, his right hand dishevelling his wet hair. He took out a cigarette from his pocket and put it in his mouth. Hermione cocked an eyebrow at the wet fag and laughed. He looked through his pockets to take out a small silver lighter, Pollux saw the way Hermione's eyes glowed at the sight. He dramatically lit it up and dove in the sound of her laughter.
"I can see you got my present, then." Hermione said. Pollux nodded and put the lighter back inside his pocket.
"I haven't started reading your book, though. It seems quite interesting. What is it again ?" Pollux claimed not remembering.
"Take out the wand in your arse and start using it." Hermione snickered. "From what I've heard, it is the best-seller in personal development."
Pollux just chuckled and leaned against the tree, pushing his hair away from his eyes every ten seconds. Hermione joined him and looked at the Black Lake. Everything was peaceful at this moment, there only was the soothing sound of the rain and the two of them. It was perfect. They waited in silence. It was not an uncomfortable one, on the contrary, it was reassuring. It was as if they didn't need to speak to let the other know what they were thinking or feeling.
Slowly, the rain began to die down and Hermione pulled Pollux by the wrist for them to run back to the castle. However, the latter pulled her back under the tree.
"Just a little longer." He said. She looked into his eyes and saw the tiredness. She knew he had not spent a good holiday, he had not had a minute for himself between Cassandre and the growing responsibilities his father was giving him. He only needed a little break and Hermione beamed at the fact she was his little break. She leaned against him and felt his arm gently resting on her shoulders, allowing her to put her head on his chest. It was peaceful.
03.01.1944 :
Tom had gotten accustomed to the silence of the common room during the holidays, which was why he was feeling the beginning of headache due to noisiness surrounding him. The students had just gotten back and were all gathered near the fireplace.
"He doesn't know." Edgard said when the door to the common room opened. Tom slowly moved his head towards it and witnessed Grace and Pollux stepping in, drenched from the rain outside. They were both laughing out loud as if they had just heard the funniest joke.
Tom was still aware of the conversation taking place between the lads, however, he had his eyes on her, on the way the two friends approached the HeadBoy.
"How do you think he'll react ?" Abraxas asked Lestrange.
Her cheeks were slightly pink and Tom wondered if it was from the cold outside. It suited her.
"How do you think he'll react ?" Edgard snapped back. Abraxas simply leaned back on the couch.
She was laughing, her head tipped backward. Her hair, still damped, was beginning to curl and Tom saw Pollux carding his fingers through it. By the look on her face, she seemed to enjoy the soft touch. Then, Cole put out a small box from his coat and handed it to her. Tom frowned at the sight. She took the present and opened it before awkwardly hugging her friend.
"I already se-" Edgard began.
"Well," Tom interrupted him while getting up, "I will see you on the fifth floor."
Tom got rid of the wrinkles on his pants before walking towards where she was. He greeted the two seventh-year then turned towards her.
"Grace," He smiled, "I'm glad to see you."
"How can I help you, Tom ?" She smiled back. If Tom hadn't known better, he could have thought this smile to be filled with hypocrisy. However, he did know her. And this smile was nothing but playful.
"Am I not allowed to greet you now ?"
"If only you have asked this before, this conversation would have never taken place." She smirked. A small laugh almost escaped his mouth.
"Did you receive my last letter ?" Tom asked her as she squinted her eyes. She knew what he was doing and he liked that. On his left, Cole was slightly frowning. "I was afraid you would not get it on time. After your last letter, I knew it w-"
"I did." She cut short. "Thank you."
A small silence settled without Tom tearing his gaze away from her. Pollux must have sensed the tension so he cleared his throat.
"How were your holidays ?" Parkinson bluntly asked him.
"Good."
"How was your birthday ?" Grace smirked.
I have never told anyone about my birthday.
How could she know ?
"Good." He told her. "Thank you for your very thoughtful present." Tom saw, by the small frown between her eyebrows, that she didn't understand. Before she could contradict him, Tom talked. "I am sorry but I need to steal her away from you, I need to show Grace something." He delicately put his hand around her arm and they walked out of the common room towards where the lads were waiting for them.
Once out of earshot, she shrugged out of his touch and Tom felt the warmth slowly disappearing.
"Very thoughtful present ?" She snorted. "You know I've never sent you anything."
"I know. But he does not."
There was no doubt about who he was referencing to.
"I've never imagined you to be this childish, Tom." Grace told him off.
"It seems you still have things to learn about me." He smirked. She shot him a strange look, one Tom didn't fully understand.
03.01.1944 :
Once they arrived in front of the door, he let her step inside first and made sure to put his hand on her lower back as she walked in. The lads were scattered around the room. Abraxas was smoking, sitting on the windowsill. Thorus, Edmund, and Edgard were playing rummy around the table and Isodor, who would usually be looking upon Lestrange's shoulder to give his cards away to his opponents, was sitting on his own, skimming through a newspaper. Antonin was casually seated in the large leather chair at the back of the room, a book in his hands. Finally, Milton was focusing on what seemed to be an essay.
Tom cleared his throat and the chatter died down. They all turned towards the two and slowly got up to sit at their respective seats. Abraxas and Antonin had always been seated directly next to Tom, and Hermione next to Malfoy. Yet, something changed on this third of January. Instead of pulling her usual chair, Tom pulled Abraxas' one for her, silently inviting her to sit. No one talked. They were all staring at the scene and Hermione was staring at him. She didn't know what to do but sit, so she did.
Something has shifted, Hermione.
She saw Abraxas frozen on the other side of the room, sending daggers at her. Thorus put a hand on his shoulders and leaned towards his ear to whisper something to him. The blond only nodded and sat where she usually did.
Hermione then looked in front of her and saw Dolohov looking right at her. She felt her skin itching at the sight and her blood boiling in her veins but she couldn't do anything. She just smiled.
"Welcome back, everyone." Tom started. "I hope 1944 will be as thriving for us as 1943." He looked at each person around the table before continuing. "As everyone knows, Samson Avery has been reinstated, thanks to Grace who did a remarkable job." He looked at her as he said the last words. Hermione knew everyone was pleased with the news.
"Where do we stand in the new department ?" Thorus asked the table. He then looked at Isodor and kept going. "Do you have any intel from your father ?"
"He's just been reinstated," Isodor replied with a seriousness Hermione had rarely seen, "and you know, with the all Oswald fiasco," his eyes quickly flickered to her face, "Tuft is not keen on letting anyone know about the department."
"Yet." Dolohov chipped in. "Our fathers," he said while showing Isodor and himself, "are working closely together to get more information."
"Are they still trying to get your father to work at the Ministry again?" Lestrange asked. "I've heard that Rookwood is try-"
"We do not need another person under Rookwood. We already have Rookwood." Tom said.
"I suppose Pilliwickle will not take Dolohov Senior back in the law enforcement department since he took his place." Milton said.
"Their relationship is not the best." Antonin said.
"Your father had had an auror training, right ?" Hermione asked him. Dolohov looked at her and sneered.
"He was the head of the Law Enforcement Department, Hortense."
"I've heard from someone that Longbottom Senior is retiring and that Head Auror Mator is looking for someone to take this job."
Edmund frowned and leaned on the table to look her in the eyes. "Wasn't he in charge of the Muggle Prime Minister's guard ?"
"Indeed, he was." Hermione smiled. She shot a quick glance at Tom and they shared a small smile. She sat straighter in her chair and slightly scooch forwards. The lads, in the time she'd been in the meetings, knew that those were the signs she knew something important. They were all waiting for her to keep explaining.
"Prime Minister Winston Churchill," Hermione explained, "also known among a few as Black Dog, a muggle saying to characterise the depression he is suffering from." She stopped for a few seconds to let the small bit of information sink in. No one seemed to understand so she kept explaining. "Black Dog, or the code name Atticus Aldritch and Stilton Oswald used during the Quidditch World Cup when I heard them. Black Dog, the two words I've kept hearing in the Auror department while I gave my statement at Christmas."
"What does that mean ?" Milton asked.
"Well, Milton, it means that the Department of Transitional Relations and Social Groups Cohesion is all about the union between Muggles and Wizards. It means, Milton, that from now on Winston Churchill will have a say in Wizarding Politics. It means Milton, that on top of Tuft and Grindelwald, we have someone else to worry about. And what else can we do to make sure it doesn't get out of control but to be as close as possible to him ?" Hermione looked back at Dolohov and waited for him to nod, which he eventually did.
"I'll send my father a letter then." Antonin said.
"Already done." Tom told him. Hermione smiled. Indeed, their correspondence during the holidays had been quite fruitful.
On the night of the Ministry party, Hermione only had the time to briefly explain the situation, what she had heard. But, she got the time to write plenty in the many letters they sent each other during the last two weeks. Between witticism and other pleasantries, they had planned.
They kept talking, mainly about the implications of having the muggle prime minister involved in their politics. Hermione was already aware of everything that was being said. She looked around the table and her gaze landed on Thorus.
She couldn't imagine what he was feeling since she had stumbled upon them. He had tried to talk to her, surely afraid of what she would think or even say. She didn't have the time back then, she had other matters to take care of. She kept staring, well aware he was feeling her gaze. Yet, he didn't meet hers.
Tom finally dismissed everyone. Hermione jumped out of her seat and approached Thorus while Tom took Isodor by the arm to talk to him.
"Thorus," she said in a soft voice, "can we talk ?"
"Er, I don't have time." He couldn't look her in the eyes.
"We can talk about it. I'm fine with it. I-"
"I have to go." Thorus fled out of the room. Hermione didn't move, she simply stared at where her friend was a few seconds prior. Someone, behind her back, cleared his throat to announce his presence.
"Hortense ?" Antonin's voice reached her ears. Hermione closed her eyes and deeply inhaled before turning around to face him. "About that night," he began, "no hard feelings, right ?"
On the exterior, it seemed as if she had almost forgotten about the incident. However, on the inside, she was a few seconds away from lashing out. Anyone who would have experienced what she went through at the Christmas party, would have already made him pay for it. However, she wasn't anyone. She was Hermione Granger. And what was Hermione Granger the best at ? Making plans. And that was what she did.
"No hard feelings." Hermione smiled.
OoOoOo
06.01.1944 :
Hermione had woken up to the soft sound of water against her dorm's windows. She looked at the clock and noticed how late she was. After using the bathroom she descended to the Great Hall for breakfast. The lads and Tom were already at their usual places. She greeted them and went to sit next to Edmund, at the end of the group. But the latter scooched on the bench to let the place in front of Tom available for her. Hermione stopped in her tracks and just frowned.
Is it part of his manipulation ?
She briefly wondered what all of this meant. She understood, three days before, that something had shifted as she took Malfoy's place. However, she didn't fully understand what this was. None of the lads seemed to mind in the least, they were all still eating breakfast. Antonin and Abraxas talking about DADA, Milton in the middle of a conversation with some fourth-year students and Isodor chatting with Cassandre Parkinson on the far right.
Hermione glanced at the youngest Parkinson and wondered what he was doing here. He didn't have the habit of eating breakfast with them.
She slowly sat down. Tom had not risen his eyes away from the Daily Prophet. She began to pour herself tea and fill her plate with some food. Suddenly, Riddle put a letter next to her plate. When she looked up at him, he was already staring.
"You were late." He simply said. "I collected your mail."
Hermione didn't say anything, she just took the letter in her hands and recognized Flamel's handwriting. She didn't dare turn the letter around to check if he had already opened it.
"I did not." He told her, exactly knowing what she was thinking. "Did not have the time." He joked. Hermione felt something strange. Tom was in too good of a mood.
She cocked an eyebrow then tore the envelope open. She had waited for Flamel's response for days now. She had explained everything to him, how the time turner broke, how she felt miserable knowing she had messed up, once again. Nicolas' words were nothing but reassuring. He always had the ability to cheer her up and put her hopes up. She briefly looked down at her left arm, at where she knew her holster was, at where she had hidden the galleon. She had not received any messages, she had sent plenty though. She was still hoping it would work.
Silently, Abraxas handed Tom a letter and pointed to a specific paragraph. Tom cocked his head and slowly took hold of the said letter. He read it while eating a toast with butter. "A painting ?"
Hermione became alert at the word.
"We don't care about that, it's not important. However, this" Abraxas pointed to a sentence, "is the important part."
"How could it not be important ?" Tom genuinely asked Malfoy. "You just got yourself a portrait. It is an honour. You have even said yourself having a painting is one of the ways to stay in history."
"Whatever."
Abraxas shrugged and busied himself in the making of a toast. Hermione heard the loud laugh of Pollux and looked as he entered the Great Hall. She shot him a large smile before opening the Daily Prophet.
The newspaper's front page was announcing the disturbing disappearance of Gringotts' biggest investor, Gideon Barborter. Apparently, the financier had last been seen ten days ago and had not been heard from since. The name rang a bell. Her head snapped up and she looked at Tom.
"Tom ?" She said as she showed him the journal, "Isn't he the man we met at the Christmas Party ?"
Tom squinted his eyes and read the headline. "You are right." He said.
"He was involved in shady business." Abraxas chipped in, his mouth half full. "I'm not even surprised he disappeared."
"It was bound to happen sooner or later." Dolohov added.
Pollux arrived behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. She rose her head and grinned. "Nasty disappearance." The Parkinson heir commented. He then looked at each lad and smiled. "Feelin' alright there, Avery ?" He asked Isodor. Hermione turned her head towards the boy and saw that all the blood had drained from his face. He was avoiding everyone's gaze.
"Yeah, yeah." Avery weakly replied. "Actually no." He rose and put a hand on Cassandre's shoulder to stabilize himself. "I'm going to go lie down for a bit." On this, he left the room.
Hermione watched as Isodor exited the Great Hall, feeling anxious for her friend. "Is he alright ?" She asked the others.
"Just tired." Thorus said. Hermione felt the uneasiness in Thorus' answer.
"Pumpkin juice ?" Tom asked her, a pitcher of juice in his hand. She stared at him in disbelief.
OoOoOo
06.04.1944 :
Dumbledore dismissed the class after giving them an essay to write for the next day. Hermione gathered her belongings and looked for Thorus in the crowd of students leaving the room. She caught a glimpse of the sixth-year and ran towards him before losing him in the sea of students outside.
"We're gonna talk." She told him and gripped him by the arm. Surprisingly, he followed her to an empty classroom without haste.
"We have runes in fifteen minutes, Grace." Nott warned her. She got closer to him as he walked backward, until he hit a desk and sat on it.
"You're going to listen to me Thorus." She said. "I need you to understand that what I've seen doesn't change anything. You're still the same you. Silas is still the same. Nothing is wron-"
"Nothing wrong ?" Nott stood up. "Two boys together ? Nothing wrong ? Are you out of your bloody mind ?" He almost shouted.
"Thorus, Thorus," Hermione put her hands on his shoulders and forced him to look into her eyes. "Maybe people think this is wrong, but I promise you that it is not. The society is wrong, not you."
"You don't even know what you're talking about." He sadly laughed.
"Does it really matter that I don't ? Does it change the fact that I've never seen you as happy as you are when you're with him ?"
Thorus lowered his gaze but Hermione took his chin. "I knew Thorus, I knew all along. And nothing is wrong." She repeated. Thorus' eyes widened at the information. Hermione sensed he wouldn't dare ask her why, surely afraid of the answer "I'm betrothed, Grace." He said in a small voice. Hermione wasn't shocked by the news, she knew every lad had their future life planned, wedding included. However, it broke her to hear Thorus say that. "To my fucking best friend's sister !" Thorus rose his voice.
Hermione frowned, not fully comprehending. Then, everything made sense. The way Isodor abruptly left this morning, the fact that he had not been feeling well since he came back from holidays. Thorus was to be married to Helsie Avery.
"Does Silas know ?" She asked him.
"Of course he does." Thorus sighed. "And you know what is worse ? He's still here." Thorus walked a few meters away from her and put his head in his hands. "He doesn't complain, he doesn't make me feel bad about it. He listens to me whine and he just makes the pain go away." When he turned around, Hermione saw the tears in his eyes. "I'm going to break him, Grace. I know when, I know where, I know why, I know how. I'm going to break his heart and we're both aware of it."
Hermione couldn't help herself, she pulled him into a hug. "I'm sorry, Grace." Thorus sobbed against her shoulder. "For everything I said last year, for not trying harder, for being a shit friend when you badly needed one."
"Tell me about him." She whispered. And he did. He told her everything.
As Thorus narrated how he fell in love with Silas Burnstein, Hermione finally understood some things. Why Thorus Nott and Helsie Avery waited so long to have a child. Why when Helsie Avery died, Thorus never remarried or even dated. Why Thorus was the main contributor to the small library Silas Burstein was the owner of, in a small village in Scotland. None of the two would ever act on it in the future.
Hermione knew the two boys would never fall out of love.
They made it to Runes on time.
10.01.1944 :
Tom was skimming through Slughorn's private cabinet in the search of dragon scales. He was looking at his reflection in the glass door of one of the shelves. More specifically, looking at his scar, the one coming from his right eyebrow to the middle of his cheek.
It had been a year today since Grindelwald's attack. At breakfast, Dippet had talked to the students and paid his respect to the lives lost. The atmosphere around the castle was heavy on this griefing day as if no one dared enjoy their day.
Tom walked back into the room, imperatively passing by Dolohov's desk as he was brewing right next to the door and sat down in front of his cauldron. As he let his potion simmer, Tom looked around the room. Walburga Black was reading her potion book not far from him. Since Cassandre's official betrothal, she had not been her usual self. Naturally extravagant, Walburga had slowly become secluded and reserved. Tom was almost feeling glad for it, he was one of those who thought she spoke too much. His eyes kept wandering around the room until they fell on her. Absently stirring her potion while laughing with Slughorn. She knew her ways with him, she exactly knew when to laugh, how to laugh to make it sound real when she actually had no care in the world for what the large potion master was saying.
Tom had always been captivated by Grace. Since the beginning, because she was an enigma. But now that he had finally realised what it meant, he embraced it.
She then seemed to be looking for something on her desk when Slughorn pointed to the little storage room and Grace smiled before leaving to retrieve what she had been missing. The potion professor walked towards his desk and took a good look at Tom's work.
"As always," Slughorn began, "perfect colour, Tom."
"Thank you professor." The prefect smiled. "By the way, I really enjoyed last night's dinner."
"It is always a pleasure to have you and the boys over." Horace quickly looked behind his shoulder to where Grace had just returned and smiled. "I was thinking you could maybe come with Grace next time."
"I shall do so, sir."
"Of course, you don't have to say it was my idea." Slughorn chuckled. "I really am happy for you Tom. It seems like you've found the right match for you."
You don't say, professor.
"She wa-" Tom began but a loud noise coming from the front of the room stopped him. Everyone turned around and witnessed Antonin covered with red slime, matching his burning cheeks.
"What is this all about ?" Slughorn demanded the boy and stormed towards him. Everyone else was snickering at Dolohov's mistake.
"I-I don't know." Dolohov said. "I followed the recipe. I don't understand."
"What is that ?" Slughorn took something on Dolohov's desk in his hand. "This is a first-year mistake Dolohov. You never mix berry woods with dragon scale. Was I wrong taking you in this class ? I've always known you lacked a certain rigor for potions but I never imagined you being this careless."
Since the beginning of the term, Antonin had had his head in the clouds, always misplacing his belongings, forgetting to bring his homework, arriving late for classes, being clumsy.
Tom quite enjoyed the entertainment this brought.
OoOoOo
11.01.1944 :
Tom went up the stairs two out of time, trying to get warmer. Fortunately, it was not raining. He arrived at the top of the bleachers and spotted the lads. They all looked surprised to see him during a Quidditch training. He sat down next to one of them and lounged back.
"What are you doing here ?" Thorus asked confused. Tom turned his head to look at Nott and noticed that all gazes were turned towards him.
"Rosier has been bugging me off forever with the new broom he got for Christmas. I thought I would come and see."
The lads looked at each other and said nothing. Tom focused on the game taking place on the pitch. Pollux Parkinson, as usual, was messing with his teammates, his keeper helmet on.
"Where's Milton ?" Tom asked the lads.
"Where do you think he is ?" Isodor snickered. Tom glared at Avery and the latter quickly shut his mouth.
Tom rarely came to see the training, firstly he was not that interested in the sport even though he kept up with the news. It wasn't even a real match they were watching. And secondly, it wasn't even enjoyable, staying outside in the cold.
But he knew she always came.
What surprised him though was that she was not here.
"She's on the other side, Tom." Thorus leaned towards him to whisper. Indeed she was.
"Why ?"
"Don't get obsessed, Tom. It's always like that with you. Once you find something you like, you get obsessed. She's not a thing."
"Why is she on the other side ?" Tom asked again, completely dismissing Thorus' comment.
"She never spends training with us. Always with Cole." Nott finally explained. "Ho-" Thorus stopped talking abruptly, Tom looked at him. Nott seemed conflicted.
"Tell me." Tom almost ordered. "You have information, spill it out."
Thorus let out a long exhale. "We're not in a meeting, Tom."
"Why are Cole Woodcroft and Grace five feet apart on the other side of the bleachers, Thorus ?"
"They've been off since the beginning of the term. We don't know why though."
Tom stood up and turned one last time towards Thorus. "And for your information Thorus, I always get the things I obsess over."
18.01.1944 :
Hermione knew she would only be gone for a couple of minutes, just the time to get some tea. She entered the kitchen when someone bumped into her. Cole was standing there.
"Sorry." He mumbled. "Oh." He added when he noticed it was her. They kept looking at each other, both sensing the awkwardness. Since Cole had kind of told her about his feelings at the dance, things have been awkward between them. It was the first time they found themselves alone. Usually, Pollux was always there.
"I was just leaving." Cole said.
Hermione was about to talk when a house-elf stopped her in her tracks. "Your meal will be ready in a few, Master Woodcroft." The elf then noticed her. "Your usual, Mistress Hortense ?" She nodded. A heavy silence settled while the elf walked away.
Hermione cocked an eyebrow and looked at her friend.
"Obviously I just lied." Cole tried to laugh his way out of it.
"Obviously you did." Hermione said frowning. "Why ?"
"I don't know Grace." He sharply answered.
Hermione almost flinched.
"I didn't mean to snap." Cole said. "All of this," he showed the space between the two with his hands, "is my fault. I shouldn't have said anything that night. Hell, we can't even talk to each other without Pollux being here." He slightly scratched the nape of his neck. Hermione didn't know if she ought to speak up or not. "Why is this so awkward ?" Cole bitterly laughed.
"Can we just skip that part ?" Hermione asked. "And just go straight back to being friends ?"
"Yes, you're right. Yes. Let's do that." He smiled. They both sat down at the table.
They were both smiling at each other. However, they let the silence come back, even weirder than the first one.
"We need to talk about it." Hermione acknowledged.
"You're right." He nodded, ready to listen to what she had to say.
"I don't look at Tom in a certain way." She said. Cole blinked twice before lounging back, apparently appalled by what she had just said.
Have you said something wrong ?
"Right. So when you said we should talk about it, you meant you and Tom."
Hermione closed her eyes and sighed. "No-" She mumbled.
"If you want to talk about your denial of feelings, I draw the line there. Please do it with Pollux."
"You have no idea what you're talking about, Cole."
He let out a mirthless laugh as he shook his head in disbelief. He stood up and exhaled. "Actually, let's not talk about that. I'd rather go back to the awkwardness than to listen to you talk endlessly about him."
Hermione scoffed. "I don't talk about him."
"Sure." He let the argument drop.
"No. You don't get to run away from this conversatio-" She began
"And you shouldn't even have this conversation with me to begin with, but with Tom." He cut her off, raising his voice. "I just needed to tell you how I felt. I knew where it would lead to, but I did it anyway."
"So why are we having this conversation, then ?"
"Because I thought that maybe, maybe you could return my feelings Grace !" He finally said, as if he had been waiting weeks to let that out. "Obviously I was wrong," He bitterly added.
Hermione didn't know what to answer so she just stared at him. Cole was directly looking at her, his chest rapidly rising.
"You don't get to be angry," She finally said. "and if I recall correctly, this is not what happened at all." It was her turn to stand up and raise her voice. "You blurted out your feelings on me out of nowhere, telling me you wanted to invite me to the party. You just assumed my feelings, Tom !" She kept going. "You didn't even ask me to go to the party with you !" She almost yelled. "He asked me out three days before the party, you've had all the time in the world." Hermione took a step forward. "So don't you dare blame me for your lack of courage."
Cole was simply smiling. A sad smile that didn't reach his eyes.
"You think this is funny ?" Hermione felt the anger rising in her guts.
"Tom." He simply said.
"Again with Tom ?" She yelled.
"No Grace," Cole calmly told her. "You just called me Tom."
Hermione opened her mouth but no sound came out. Cole wavered for a second before leaving her alone in the kitchen. She couldn't comprehend how she could have messed up that bad. She was so mad at herself she could break everything around her.
She did.
OoOoOo
20.01.1944 :
Hermione was absently drawing. It seemed to happen quite a lot since she arrived in this timeline. She was getting quite bored actually. As usual, the charms class was not the most exciting for her, she already knew everything.
Luckily, in their sixth year, the number of students was odd. And as they were all trying to cast a wandless shield to counter their partner's spell, she had persuaded Professor Wink to let her work on something else. In the end, she had decided on writing Nicolas Flamel a letter. She had finished writing it a while back, that was why she was currently drawing on a spare piece of parchment.
She found herself watching Tom. She was mad at him. He had manipulated her so well that he had invaded her mind. What infuriated her, even more, was that she knew he was manipulating her from the beginning. She had heard his conversation with Dolohov all those months ago. She had known that all of the smiles, the gentle touches, the flirty banter were nothing more than a way to manipulate. She finally tore her gaze away as she felt anger in her system.
Her mind then wandered to Cole. They haven't talked since their altercation. She didn't know what to say to him. She had fucked up so bad she had no idea how to mend what she had broken. Every time she saw Pollux with him, she didn't join. She let them be.
Without even realising, her eyes were back on him. She let out a frustrated huff which brought Belone's attention to her. McNair mouthed "are you ok ?" and Hermione just smiled. She let her head fall in her hands.
She blamed that on the tiredness. Actually, she blamed everything on the tiredness recently. Even though she had planned the whole Christmas disaster, she felt overwhelmed just thinking about what happened. She had talked to a lot of people about it. One of them being Atticus Aldritch, Oswald's close friend. He had felt so bad, Hermione had almost pitied him. She quite enjoyed the fact no one really knew what happened. She liked that she had been in power, she had controlled everything without anyone knowing.
Even though she was getting tired of retelling the same lie every time, she was simply good at it. After all, she spent more than a year on Tom's side. This accounted for something.
Stop thinking about him.
She violently pushed a book from her desk.
20.01.1944 :
She violently pushed a book from her desk.
What is she doing ?
She had not participated in today's class. Tom was almost disappointed. He was beginning to think about dueling against her. He knew he would when he would be sure he'd win.
Tom cast a wandless shield when Isodor attacked him and shortly retaliated. He noticed the way Avery had gotten better in charms in the last months. Tom was content about this.
Lately, everything worked out perfectly for Tom. From the downfall of Oswald to Dolohov Senior soon to be Muggle Prime Minister guard. He was feeling on top of the world. His eyes landed on each lad and knew, deep inside of him, they would do everything he would ask. He just needed to know if she would.
Antonin's whine filled the room. Tom saw Abraxas hovering above him, apparently pleased with the charm he had just cast. Tom had also noticed the shift in Antonin's behaviour. The rage and jealousy he felt towards Grace had seemed to shrink since he latched out on her at Christmas. Even if Tom was not pleased by Dolohov's actions back then, he couldn't deny it had done some good for Antonin.
However, something was still off with him. He kept losing his duels, being unfocused. Antonin had even talked to him about this. A few days ago, he had grabbed Tom by the arm and frantically talked about feeling like he was losing his mind. Tom knew Antonin was exaggerating so he simply brushed this off and told the boy it was nothing, that he surely needed to sleep more.
Tom briefly wondered if it was his fault if he had asked too much of him. Well, the others seemed fine though.
Tom watched Antonin getting up only to fall back on the ground a few seconds later.
Something is definitely off.
22.01.1944 :
Hermione wanted to say something but they were all talking, all congratulating themselves for Dolohov Senior's new job. She had to say something.
Plus, the chair next to hers was empty, the one now belonging to Abraxas. Tom had let them know Malfoy would surely be late and what surprised Hermione the most was that he didn't seem to be mad about it.
"Is no one going to talk about the fact that Milton's not been there for the last three meetings ?" She finally said. Some of the lads looked at the empty chair at the end of the table. "Have we stopped including him in our plans ?" She kept asking but no one answered. "Is it because he is falling behind in a few classes ? Or because he has some new friends ? Because if it is the case, this is some shitty behaviour from you."
Everyone had noticed Milton changing. Hermione felt he was not as much invested in the lads' agenda as he was the year before. And even when he was there, he barely participated. Plus, he was getting more and more detention by the weeks. He was failing a majority of his classes and he had started hanging out with new people as if he was quitting.
Is it even possible to quit the lads ?
She knew deep inside of her, it was not. They had too much knowledge of their plans, on what they had done. Tom would never allow that.
"I think he's in detention." Edmund finally answered.
"Again ? You-"
The door to the fifth-floor room loudly opened and Abraxas stumbled in. Everyone turned towards him.
"Something happened." Malfoy gravely said. "Something really bad happened."
"What are you talking about ?" Dolohov asked as Abraxas sat down next to her.
"I was talking to Lovegood," He was looking around the table "that's why I'm late." Malfoy was trying to get his breath under control, he surely ran here. "The Daily Prophet is dropping a bomb tomorrow morning." Abraxas was staring at Lestrange.
"What are you talking about ?" Hermione asked. She was beginning to panic. Something was very wrong and she didn't know what.
"The Montagues are about to go down." Abraxas said, his eyes still on Lestrange. "Their daughter, Gemma, had been having affairs with older men. The story's out. And we're fucked because-"
"Because Edgard's father has been sleeping with her for at least a year." Hermione declared.
It felt as if she had been the one dropping the bomb. All the lads turned towards her and Tom moved to the front of his seat.
"How do you know that ?" He pressed her, clearly distressed.
"I heard a conversation last year during Slughorn's Christmas Party between Septimus Malfoy and Corvus Lestrange. They talked about Corvus sleeping with a minor. I've recently put two and two together when Cole told me one night Gemma liked older men." Hermione was speaking so fast because everything was rushing inside her head. She was not looking at any of the lads, her gaze was stuck on the wooden table. She stumbled a few times on her words. "That's how I understood that Gemma and Oswald were sleeping together and I knew she was not only having sex with him. Then, I saw the way Edgard was behaving around her. Especially at Cole's birthday. That's how I know." Hermione then looked at Edgard. "Am I right ?"
The silence that followed her explanation was heavy. She didn't know if it was because they were impressed by the way her mind worked or if they were all panicked at the idea of the Daily Prophet announcing that to the world tomorrow.
"On the bright side, if the Montagues go down, Tuft loses almost half of her financing." She tried to reassure them.
Tom couldn't contain his laughter.
OoOoOo
25.01.1944 :
They used to go to Abe's every Thursday night, Cole, Pollux and her. She didn't anymore. She let them have their own fun. Their nights without her. This explained why she had chosen to go see Abe on a Wednesday night. Of course, she could have chosen to stay in, talk with the lads but she didn't want to.
When she had arrived at Abe's, he had asked her why she had come alone. Hermione hadn't had the guts to tell him the truth so simply said she needed time by herself. She had not drunk either, she didn't feel like it.
Hermione had just stepped out of the passageway when she heard someone clear their throat.
"So that's how you have been sneaking out of the castle." He told her. Hermione internally cursed herself for not having checked the map before getting in. She spun on her heels.
"Tom, fancy seeing you here." She sharply retorted.
Every Wednesday night was Tom's rounds. She knew it but forgot on this evening. He was slowly walking around the statue. He was inspecting every part of it and Hermione was staring, her arms crossed upon her chest. "So, the one-eyed witch." He said. "I reckon you just use a simple revealing charm."
Tom had asked her in the past how she got out with Pollux and Cole of the castle, she always refused to tell him. Moreover, at Cole's birthday party, she had purposely refused to go to Abe's with him because she knew Tom knowing about this passageway was giving him too much power.
Since the last meeting, three days before, Hermione had chosen to distance herself from him. She had her reasons.
Tom then walked back to her. "What should I do with you ?" Hermione could hear the smirk in his voice. "Out of bed after hours. Out of ground after hours. This is quite serious, Grace. You could face expulsion." Tom stopped in front of her, a few feet away.
"Just give me a detention so we're done with it." She replied, fed up.
"So you can charm your way out of it with Slughorn ? I do not think so."
Without talking about it, they both began walking towards their common room. Out of the corner of her eyes, she watched him. He was smug. Hermione asked herself why Tom had been acting this way recently, overly confident, content with himself, always in a good mood. It was odd. Before they took the last turn to the common room, Tom stopped her by grabbing her wrist.
"You are angry with me." He stated. "I want to know why."
"I would be surprised if you didn't." She shrugged out of his hold.
"Tell me, Grace."
Hermione huffed. "Fine ! Why did you dismiss me like that during the last meeting ? My plan would have worked if you had even listened to what I was saying. The story wouldn't be out."
Tom was just listening so she went on. "It feels like you don't care about Lestrange's reputation as long as Tuft's financing is gone."
"Come on Grace, it is not Lestrange's first scandal. He always falls back on his feet. After all, his seat at the Wizengamot is not something you can take away from him."
"So we just do nothing because you don't care ?" Hermione was disbelieving. "Have you even talked to Edgard about this ? About how he must feel about this getting out ?"
"If Edgard had something to say, he would have said it. Have you heard anything from him ?" Tom was looking right into her eyes well aware of the answer. "See ? He is fine with it."
"Well, I am not." Hermione scoffed. "Letting a man's reputation go to ashes because it can help you ?"
"Yes. Just like you did with Oswald."
Hermione took a step back. She opened her mouth to talk but quickly shut it.
"I see," Tom almost laughed, "when you do it, it is alright. But when I do it, it is wrong."
You're just like him, Hermione.
Something's wrong with you.
"Quite the double standard, isn't it ?" Tom let out a dark laugh. "You always act like you are above everyone like we are the bad guys in every situation. Well, guess what Hortense, you are one of us and you are one of the worse."
"I know my way from here." Hermione spat. She walked away from him and pushed the door to the common room open to find Pollux sitting in front of the chimney, a letter in hand.
"He's so infuriating." She complained as she approached the couch to sit next to her friend.
Pollux turned around and tried to hide his face, brushing the tears off his eyes. "What happened ?" He asked, trying to get his voice under control.
"Are you alright ?" Hermione's voice dropped two octaves and she gently put a hand on his lap.
"What did Tom do this time ?" The smile he had on his lips didn't reach his eyes.
"Pollux, you're clearly distressed. Tell me."
He handed her the letter he was reading. Hermione quickly realised the Wizengamot had just received the official inheritance of the Parkinson chair to Pollux. A letter Hermione knew he had been waiting for for quite some time now.
"Why do you look so sad then ? It's everything you've worked for. Shouldn't you be happy ?"
"I am." He shrugged. "I don't even know why I'm feeling that way. But I'm alright kiddo. More than alright."
They were both staring at the fire, not talking. Then, she heard the quiet sniffing coming from her friend. The soft crackling of the fire mixed with the gentle murmur of the water was one of the most comforting sounds she had ever heard.
In her own timeline, she had been quite afraid of this common room. She had imagined it to be dark and slightly frightening. She couldn't have been farther from the truth.
It was not as warm as the Gryffindor common room, but it just felt like home.
Suddenly Pollux rose and turned to face her. He looked genuinely upset.
"You should maybe go to sleep." She offered.
"I wouldn't be able to sleep."
"What do you do at home when you can't sleep ?"
Pollux let out a mirthless laugh and Hermione knew what it meant. He drank. Of course, he did.
"What did you do when you were little and you couldn't sleep ?" She asked.
"I-" He softly smiled, "I used to watch the stars."
Hermione stood by him and took a hold of his hand before pulling him out of the common room.
They made their way up to the banks of the Black Lake. The thick fog brought an eerie atmosphere. The water was so calm and dark that they could have thought it to be concrete if it was not for the moon's reflection on it. From afar, they could see the large tree they had hidden under, to shelter themselves from the rain at the beginning of the term.
They arrived in silence with the sound of the boots on the soft snow beneath their feet as the only melody. She knew not to talk, not when Pollux had this expression on his face. Hermione knew his mind was rushing and she also knew he would tell her when ready.
Pollux took out the letter once more out of his pocket and re-read it. Suddenly, he violently tore it in half. It startled Hermione as she was not anticipating this.
"Woh woh woh, what are you doing ? Stop !" Hermione tried to take the letter away from him but he kept ripping it. 'What has gotten into you ? What's wrong ? Talk to me, you know you can tell me everything."
"I don't want it !" Pollux shoved the papers in her chest. "Take it. I don't want it."
"You're so full of bullshit." Hermione chuckled. However, it died down when she saw the panic creeping up his face. She grabbed his shaky hands. "Look me in the eyes. Look at me." He complied.
"I can't do it." His voice trembling. "I am not worth it. I-I-I'm an alcoholic, Grace. I am ashamed of it but I can't change it. I'm a fucking hurricane destroying everything on its way. I'm wasted space. I'm a horrible person. No one cares about me"
"No." She cradles his face, feeling the wetness of the tears beneath her palms. "I care. I care. Me, I find you beautiful, since the first time I saw you."
"The universe would be better off without me."
Her heart stopped. She had heard him say it once, but he was drunk. He had talked about suicide, but he was drunk. On this snowy night, he was not. The inside of his mind was as dark as the night. She felt scared. Hermione couldn't press more love into this boy at this moment.
"What will I do without you ? What will the universe do without you ?This will never work. It's impossible." Pollux began audibly sobbing. "Come on you shouldn't cry ! Don't cry because it will pass I promise, it will pass. Because we're among those who recover among those who resist." Pollux dropped to his knees and buried his head in his hands, Hermione crouched in front of him
"I just need to get this fog out of my head." He cried. "This fucking blizzard."
Hermione stopped to look at him then got the idea. She kept nodding to herself then jumped on her feet and faced the Black Lake.
"Do you hear us Blizzard ? Do you hear us ?" Hermione screamed. Pollux's head snapped up and looked at her.
"What are you doing ?" He asked, making sure no one was around. Hermione looked at him and smiled before continuing. "Rise up Pollux." He did and with shaky knees, he went by her side. "Do you hear us Blizzard ? Do you hear us ?" Hermione repeated. "If you're hearing us, go fuck yourself."
"Yeah, go fuck yourself !" Pollux yelled.
"Did you think you were going to have us huh? Did you think we haven't seen enough ? Surprise connard !" Hermione opened her arms in a T formation and beamed when she heard the soft sound of Pollux's laugh.
Pollux had his gaze stuck on the Black Lake, his cheeks damp from the tears that hadn't stopped rolling.
"Do you hear us Shame? Do you hear us ?" He screamed "If you're hearing us watch out when you're returning home alone at night, we may decide to remake your jaw with sharp objects, or wash your head with lead, what do you think ?"
"Do you hear us Sadness ? Do you hear us ?" Hermione shouted, "If you're hearing us it's because you'll be packing your bags soon, take a left one first, second one right, then left again and go fuck yourself. Félicitation, bravo !"
It felt good. For the both of them. It felt good to scream at the top of their lungs, not caring about anything. Just letting everything out. They screamed and screamed until their throat became sore. Then, they stopped. Only the sound of their raging breath could be heard. Hermione slowly looked at Pollux and saw him staring at the moon's reflection on the water.
"Do you hear me Death? Do you hear me ?" Pollux said in such a low voice, if Hermione hadn't been this close to him she wouldn't have heard. "If you're hearing me know that you don't frighten me anymore, you can take anything you want, I go on, all the same, you can't stop me."
Pollux then took a large inhale and whispered. "Go fuck yourself Universe."
"Go fuck yourself Universe." She repeated.
They hadn't talked on the way back. They had stayed watching the snow slowly falling down. He had taken her hand as they had walked back to the common room. Hermione was about to say the password when she heard Pollux's low voice.
"What if," Pollux's voice was strained, "what if I realise in a couple of years none of that was worth it."
She just clenched her hand around his, silently letting him know that if it were the case, she would always be there.
31.01.1944 :
Tom had just gotten out of the library. He had spent about two hours looking for a book in the restricted section only to realise it was not there. He was about to go down the Great Hall for lunch when a small boy, surely a first-year, stopped him.
"You're a prefect !" The boy acknowledged the obvious.
"What is going on ?"
"Something happened !" The boy began running towards the moving staircase.
As the prefect he was, Tom hurried to follow him. Dozens of students were gathered. Tom tried to find out what could have happened.
"Make way !" He ordered them.
As Tom almost arrived at where everyone was, one of the lads, Edmund, stopped him.
"He lost his fucking mind !" Rosier warned Tom. Tom moved one last student out of his way before noticing Dolohov bleeding on the floor. He had his left leg entirely broken and an amount of crimson red pouring out of his skull.
"What the fuck happened ?" Tom harshly asked Edmund.
"I don't know ! He fucking jumped !"
On the other side of the corridor, Cole Woodcroft, followed by Slughorn and Miss Asphodela were running towards them.
What the fuck is going on ?
"Move !" Cole commanded. The matron crouched next to Dolohov to check his vitals before hurrying to get him to the infirmary.
Tom shoved Edmund into the nearest classroom. "You need to tell me what happened."
31.01.1944 :
Hermione had sneaked out of the common room and had walked down the deserted hallways. She heard small voices so she stopped in her tracks.
"It's been weeks." Miss Asphodela said in a hushed voice. "Just last week, he had come to see me, he had almost scratched the skin off of his arms. He wasn't even aware of the blood. He just kept scratching."
"Dragon Pox ?" Dippet asked. "It starts like this."
"No," the matron kept going, "he almost froze himself to death by going to the Black Lake two weeks ago. And when I asked him why he did that, he couldn't even tell me. Don't tell me you haven't noticed something wrong with this boy lately."
Hermione took one step forward in order to see them without being seen. They were all gathered in a circle in front of the infirmary door.
"We have noticed." Slughorn agreed. "I have talked with many of his professors about his behaviour. I even noticed it myself. He misplaced things, he forgot everything he had said or what had been told to him. He got angry for no reason in class."
"I have heard him say someone was messing with his head." Dumbledore chipped in.
"Well, I have heard him say he was losing his mind." Slughorn added.
Headmaster Dippet cleared his throat, now aware of the entire situation. "What should we do Leonara ? What do you reckon ?"
"He's stable for now, we should let him sleep." She explained. "But Armando, I will have no other choice than to send him to St Mungo's tomorrow. He can't keep hurting himself."
They kept talking for no more than ten minutes before they went their separate ways. Hermione waited for the Headmaster and the two professors to be gone to discreetly follow the matron inside the infirmary. The room was almost pitch black. The only source of light, aside from the moonlight, was the candle inside Miss Asphodela's office.
Hermione looked around her and then noticed the limp body of Dolohov on the far right. Without any noise, she approached him and pulled the curtains around them. With a simple wick of her wand, she cast a muffliato.
"No hard feelings, Antonin" Hermione whispered and Antonin's eyes snapped open. He didn't get the time to say anything or move that Hermione had immobilized him.
"Poor Antonin," she chuckled, "losing his mind." Hermione bent over him and put her hand in his hair and slowly carded her fingers through it. She could see the panic in his eyes, the way they flickered all around the room, the way they pleaded for her to stop. "Everyone's worried you know." She kept murmuring. Hermione knew he wanted to scream. "Shhh," she kept carding her fingers, and brought her wand to his field of view. At the sight, his eyes filled with tears, she had never seen him this afraid. She suddenly felt so powerful, she could do whatever she wanted to him. "Everyone has been thinking you've been losing your mind for the last few weeks. Maybe it's time you actually lose it."
Hermione leaned further towards him to bring her lips next to his left ear. "Guess who's mad now ?" She began whispering the dark curse she had been planning on using all along. One that would fill his head with terrifying thoughts. One that would make him constantly afraid. One that would break him.
She enjoyed it.
What the fuck are you doing, Hermione ?
It had been a long time she had not heard this little voice in her head. The voice of reason. Hermione jumped out of bed and fell on her arse on the floor. It was as if she had snapped out of a trance she had been in for too long. She looked right at Dolohov and saw the tears gathering in his collarbone and Hermione realised.
What are you doing ?
She got up to her feet, feeling her legs ready to give up from the realisation of what she would have done. She shot one last glance at Dolohov before running away. Hermione was afraid at this moment, afraid of what she had been about to do. She had been willing to go that far and it scared her. She ran and ran until she reached the fresh air. She let the cold breeze of the night caress her face and she stood on the bleachers.
31.01.1944 :
"Grace ?"
Her eyes widely opened and she looked at Tom, casually leaning against the guardrail, a cigarette in his mouth. She put her hands on her head and turned away from him.
"Leave me alone." She pleaded, her voice breaking on the last word.
"Has something happened to you ?" Seeing her that way was not something Tom was accustomed to. He suddenly felt worried.
He frowned and pushed himself from the guardrail to step closer but she stumbled back
"Get away from me !" But he didn't, he kept walking towards her. "Get away from me ! Get away from me !" She ended up frantically yelling at him.
At the desperate sound, Tom put both his hands in the air as a sign of peace. He didn't understand what was going on. Was she afraid of him ? He didn't like the idea.
"It's all your fault." She accused him.
"What have I done ?"
"Everything !" She screamed. "If you hadn't messed up with my head, I wouldn't have done any of that."
Tom realised something bad must have happened. He knew the length she could go to if necessary and at this moment, he was almost scared. "What have you done ?"
Grace was staring at her hands as if they were bloodied. Tom understood she wasn't afraid of him, but of herself.
"It went too far. It wasn't supposed to happen that way," she began crying and met his gaze, "I was just messing with him. I just couldn't stop myself."
"What did you do ?" Tom had taken a step closer.
"I had to do something. I couldn't just let him walk away. Not after what he has done to me." She explained.
Tom finally understood who she was talking about. "You were the one messing with Antonin's head." He stated. Tom was internally smiling. He had been quite confused at first when she hadn't retaliated after Dolohov's mess up at the Christmas party. Even he had done something about it. But knowing now that she had messed with him filled Tom with pride. "It was clever." She had chosen one thing no one would suspect. She had played so well with Antonin's mind that no one even thought it could come from someone else. It was so gradual everyone had actually thought Antonin had been slowly losing his mind.
Grace huffed in surprise.
"Clever ? Is that all you have to say ?" She shouted. "It wasn't clever. It was despiteful. Misplacing things, trashing his work, using confundus on him, obliviating him about little things so he would feel like losing his mind. This was just petty. But slipping him hallucinogenic potions so he would scratch himself until he bled, sowing the idea of jumping into the frozen Black Lake at night, and straining his mind so much he would jump off the second floor was going too far." Grace had taken three large strides towards him. "But I didn't even stop there. Do you know where I was a few minutes before ?" She rhetorically asked him. "I was in the infirmary ready to cast the somnum exterreri curse. That's fucked up, Tom."
How could she not realise everything she did was beautiful ?
"I'm fucked up." She added walking towards the guardrail.
"No, you are not." Tom was only a few feet away from her. Grace looked at him with big teary eyes.
"What is happening to me ?"
"You just got a glimpse of what power feels like." Tom delicately put his hand on her left cheek and saw the way her eyes closed at the touch, leaning in it. Her skin was soft under his palm, he brushed away a few stray tears and put back a strand of her hair behind her ear before continuing. "You got drunk on power and got scared because you enjoyed it. But Grace, there is no shame in liking it."
She had opened her eyes and was looking at him. Tom could see the small part of innocence she still had underneath all the layers of immorality.
He needed her as much as she needed him. He was the one to rile her up, to let her embrace her true self. He was the gasoline starting the fire. She was the blazing heat, the smoldering fire. He only wanted to light the match to taste the heat.
She was too much. She had always been too much. She was burning him. He wanted to watch the flames get higher.
Fuck it, watch me burn.
He leaned and brushed his lips against hers.
31.01.1944 :
They kissed. It wasn't like the one you see in the movies, it didn't give her butterflies and the world didn't light up. Instead, it broke her. Leaving a cut so deep she thought she wouldn't make it out alive.
"Why are you doing this to me?" She whispered against his lips.
"Because I couldn't resist this time." He cupped her face and kissed her once again.
Their first kiss had only lasted a second, the small brush of lips, almost candid. Almost as if he was just tasting her. But now that he had, he wanted more.
She felt the cold guardrail pushing against her back, but she couldn't care less. Tom had put everything he had in this kiss and Hermione almost moaned in his mouth. Instinctively, she pulled him closer by his lapel, to feel the heat emanating from his skin. His hands, cupping her jaw, slowly moved towards her hair to tangle his fingers in it. He slightly pulled her hair back to dive more into the kiss. Her hands found themselves on his back, pressing their bodies closer. She needed to touch him more. She felt the tingles down her spine as his hands gently made their way to her hips. Hermione finally reached his hair and pushed her fingers through it. Tom slightly bit her lower lip and this time she moaned. She felt the small smile this brought him.
Suddenly she realised what she was doing. All reason had left her mind. She violently pushed him away. Tom didn't seem to fully understand, he was about to dive right back in but she stopped him.
"You don't need to go that far !" She told him off.
"What ?" Tom frowned.
"Oh come on," she let out a bitter laugh, "I know why you're doing all of this." Tom took a step towards her. "I know what this is all about." Hermione said. "I've heard you talking to Dolohov at Pollux's birthday. I know this is only to manipulate me. The smiles, the hand on my lower back, the gallantry, the flirty banter, the jealousy with Cole. Everything ! But I'm already doing whatever you want ! You can stop pretending !"
Tom was looking at her in a way he had never before. He looked so different at this moment. His hair, usually perfectly styled, was disheveled from her hands. His shirt, usually pristine, was wrinkled. His face, usually stern cold, was flushed. His lips, usually turned into a smirk, were slightly plumbed from her own.
"No," he said, "you are wrong. Well, maybe at first, but I was only lying to myself. Nothing that has just happened was pretending."
Hermione was only shaking her head no.
"Yes, Grace," Tom was getting closer and closer, "I am not pretending, just like you are not."
"It-it's only a game." Hermione whispered. "It's always a game with you." She closed her eyes and let the tears fall down.
"No, it is not. You need to realise it. Just like I did." He took a step closer. "You need to embrace it." He took another one. "Just like I did."
He put out his hand for her to take. She hesitated.
OoOoOo
01.02.1944 :
"I promise, Abe,' Pollux laughed, hugging Abe, "Cole will come with us next time."
Parkinson knocked twice on the wooden bar and left a few galleons before leaving. Hermione flashed a smile at the bartender and followed Pollux outside. Once the door closed behind her, Pollux talked. "Can you tell me now why Cole will surely not come next time ?"
"It's nothing." She shrugged and started walking through the deserted streets of Hogsmeade, Pollux hot on her heels.
"No, no, no, no, kiddo." He chuckled, "he won't talk to me about it, you won't talk to me about it. I'm losing it. What the fuck happened between you two ?"
Hermione stopped and turned to look at him. He was lightly jogging to join her. "I'm tired, Pollux. Let's just go back."
"Yes, you're tired. Don't you think I can't see you're tired ? You look like you've cried yourself to sleep last night."
"No I-"
"Don't lie to me !" Pollux rose his voice in frustration which made Hermione flinch back. Time stilled for a second. The snow, that was falling down the dark sky, stopped and Hermione felt as if they were alone. Pollux, in front of her, soft underneath the light of an old street lamp.
"No, no I'm sorry." His voice had come back to its usual softness. "It's just that it's frustrating. I know you're not okay, I can see it. You're always the one helping me, let me help you for once."
Hermione's gaze dropped to the floor and she braced herself not to cry. Pollux could see the way her shoulders were slightly shaking. In half a second he had gently grabbed her right wrist and dropped a small kiss in the middle of it. This simple act of tenderness was her breaking point. If Pollux had not been there she would have crumbled onto the floor, but he was there, and he held her.
"I don't know what I'm doing. I thought I was in control but I am not." She looked at him and saw nothing but compassion in his brown eyes. "Cole told me how he felt."
Pollux slowly nodded. "But there's Tom." He stated.
"But I never wanted Tom to be there." She whined in a quiet voice, letting her head fall down once more but Pollux kindly took her by the chin for her to look into his eyes.
"Things like that are never planned." Pollux was so genuine in his words. "That's what makes them beautiful."
"I can't, Pollux." She cried.
"Cole will be fine with it. He just needs a little time maybe. But he's still your friend."
"No, no, Pollux. It has nothing to do with Cole," She let out a shuddering breath, "I just can't. You don't understand, he kissed me."
Pollux chuckled and wiped the tears away from her face. "So what ? It was inevitable."
"But he will-" but she stopped. "I will-" she stopped again. "I can't-" she was frustrated. "I just can't let myself be with him." She finally blurted out. "You couldn't understand."
"So help me understand."
Hermione gulped and stared at him. He was patient, understanding, soft. She felt so much love for him.
"I can't be with him, Pollux, because I know what he will become." She simply said. "He's going to be the cause of so much pain, so much destruction. He's going to destroy me and everyone I love"
"It's not because he appears cold sometimes that automatically he's going to turn bad, Grace."
"No Pollux, you don't understand."
"Then tell me !"
"Because he did !" She yelled, "he already did, fifty years from now !"
She only needed one person to tell her what she was doing was wrong. She needed someone else to tell her she couldn't be with him. Because she hadn't succeeded by herself.
She needed Pollux to be this person.
Confusion was printed all over his face. "Pardon ?"
"I'm not from here Pollux," she cried, "I lied about everything. My name isn't even Grace." Pollux stumbled back.
Hermione needed to get closer to him so she took a step forward but Pollux took one backward. "Wait ? What ?" He asked. "What are you talking about ? You're not making any sense."
"Because it simply doesn't make sense. I have no idea what's going on. I'm so alone Pollux, I'm constantly afraid of making a wrong move that could change everything."
"I don't understand what you are trying to tell me."
Hermione inhaled and slowly let the air out of her lungs. "My name is Hermione Granger. I was born in 1979. And I have no idea how I got here."
"If you think this is funny, Grace, it's not." Pollux gulped.
"I'm not Grace !"
"You're kind of scaring me right now."
"Don't you think I am scared ?" She shouted, tears spilling from her eyes.
Pollux knew at this moment she was serious.
"How is this even possible ?" He murmured.
"I don't know. One minute I was in the middle of a battle at Hogwarts an-"
"What ?" Pollux began to panic a little. "When ? A battle ?"
"That's what I'm trying to tell you Pollux." She walked towards him. "Tom is bad. Way more than you could ever imagine. "
"What will he do ?"
"He will try to get rid of people like me." Hermione said through the tears.
"People like you ?"
"I am everything you despise, Pollux." She said in a broken voice as she rolled up her left sleeve to show him her scar.
He simply looked at her scar and finally saw what it was really meant to say. Out of a sudden, Pollux's eyes climbed back to hers and she knew he understood.
A silence settled and it helped her sink in what she had just done. She began to panic. Pollux was never meant to know. She didn't want him to know.
What did you do, Hermione ?
She saw that Pollux was about to say something and she couldn't let him. She didn't want to know what he was thinking. She was afraid of what he would say. She couldn't live with Pollux hating her. She couldn't afford to lose Pollux.
So she rapidly took out her wand. He saw it, he panicked. He knew she was about to use it on him. He took a step forward and simply said her name. Her real name. "Hermione."
She'd rather live with the certainty of his unconditional love through the lies she made up than to live with the knowledge of his potential rejection.
So she did it.
So rapidly she didn't even think about it twice. So rapidly she didn't even see the light coming out of her wand. So rapidly she didn't have the time to regret it.
Obliviate
Authors' note : So it happened. It finally happened. It only took +150k words but it happened.
We've realised that we had put a lot of hopes on Colemione in the last chp only to shatter the ship in this one (eheh) - but the ff isn't over, right ?
We've broken our own record : we wrote this chapter in 14 hours (almost straight). Actually, we're secluded in the mountains with not a lot to do but right. We've also done the entire layout fo the next three chapter and already written half of chapter 21. We're on fire.
We hope you enjoyed it. Thank you so much for your kind words and all of your reviews. You're all so amazing, wlysm. Here's our Tumblr : agarariddle-andhernachos
Lots of love,
-DDM's Managers
PS : We've been asked about the cast we picture, we've just reblogged on our Tumblr the yearbook with all the fancast.