WARNINGS: Language, Mild Panic Attack Symptoms

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Chapter Ten: The Other Side

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"Sure you're ready for this?" The Doctor asked, towering over me, bright blue eyes peering into mine.

I glanced down at the familiar gold medallion he was holding, fear settling in my gut like a rock. "No."

We were standing in a field, well, it was a field now, but had once been an ancient village. What had once been walls had been worn down into crumbled heaps, leaving behind only the outline of the bases of the buildings.

We were on Earth, somewhere in Africa; exactly where, I didn't know. The Doctor had said that it was important we weren't interrupted and could control the factor of the environment, but wanted to stay on Earth. Something about 'human natural habitat' or whatever. I had been too freaked out by the notion of going back into the Otherside to understand what he was talking about.

"It's all right,"The Doctor said gently, putting the metal medallion over my head. "Just a quick hop, explore a bit, and report back."

"But last time I saw it, I forgot," I protested, staring up at him unhappily.

"Last time you were in the middle of a stressful situation." He explained. "Lots of stuff goin' on in that little human head of yours. Life and death stuff. Your brain saw something it couldn't compute right away so it stashed it away to be processed later when you weren't so overwhelmed by everythin' else. Shouldn't have that problem this time."

A whine bubbled up in my throat, but the Doctor didn't seem to notice. He was too busy setting up the silver tripod-like sensors that he had pulled out from a storage closet in the TARDIS. He set them up in a row, three of them, all in a line in front of the blue box.

"Right, just a quick run. Pop in, take a quick look around, and come straight back," he continued, oblivious to my distress. "Wanna take it slow. I'm not sure how exposure to the rim dimensions will affect human physiology."

"I thought you said I could survive it?" My voice squeaked in a manner that would've been embarrassing if I hadn't been so terrified. "Am I gonna dissolve? Dissolve like the anthropologist?"

"Nah, don't think so," He plugged a cord that ran from inside the TARDIS into one of the tripods. "But even if you are resistant to the molecular destabilization, no human's ever done this before. Don't wanna take any chances. Few minutes in, followed by a full checkup. Should be fine, though."

"What if it doesn't work?" I whined, staring at the medallion in my hand.

"Then it doesn't work. We shove it into a box on a shelf and go off to see the Red Iristuciztationial Blockade Parade in the year four thousand an' twenty two. Supposed to be fantastic. Been plannin' on going for ages but never got around to it."

He bounded back up to my side and I couldn't help but grin a little at his goofy smile.

"But what if it works going in, but doesn't coming out?" Panic settled back in, even more powerful than before, wiping my sorry attempt at a smile off my face. "What happens if I can't get back out?"

"It'll be alright, I promise." The Doctor rested his hands on both of my shoulders and fixed me with his intense gaze. "If you can get in, you can get back out. This is all trial and error, anyway. Stitchin' is a sort of art… fine craft… that originated on Galli…" He dropped his hands and turned away quickly. "It's important. Passed down from generation to generation." He turned back, a pleasant mask plastered to his face, though his smile didn't quite reach his eyes. "Master to apprentice. Sort of sacred, or it used to be… millenia ago. Specially taught to specific pupils that are resistant to the molecular destabilization. And not to me."

"So in other words, neither of us has any idea what we're doing?" I sighed. "Stitching?"

He waved a hand dismissively. "We'll get more into that later." He shoved his hands in his coat pockets defensively. "An' I'm not entirely clueless! Been readin' up on it. Got the basics down at least. Books're just a bit vague, though. Guess they didn't want to give up all their secrets."

"Trial and error," I sighed, staring back at the medallion. God, I wished I had thrown it away at that hotel in London.

"Exactly," the Doctor confirmed cheerfully. "But that's why we're all the way out here. No one around to get in the way, an' if you do accidentally tear a hole in the fabric of reality, no one is around to notice." He patted one of the tripods affectionately. "That's what these are for. They detect spreading tears and keep them contained to this area. Just until you get a feel for the manipulator. Not to mention they ward off… well…" He tugged at his ear nervously. "Well… doesn't matter. Ready?"

I shrugged, palming the medallion anxiously. 'No' wasn't exactly an option, was it?

"Alright then, like I showed you," the Doctor prompted.

I pressed my thumb firmly on the center jewel. Apparently the medallion was psychic, which was honestly the least surprising thing I'd heard in the last few days, and linked to the user: me. This way, I could send the medallion… extradimensional manipulator… mental commands.

According to the Doctor, there weren't actually specific commands… you just sort of… wanted it to do whatever it was it did. Impulse and urges… those are the words the Doctor used. As indecisive as I was, it was probably a good thing.

So, that's what I did. I mentally willed the thing to… I don't know… do it's thing and... let me into the outer dimensions…?

Well, I really didn't want it to... though apparently my true desires didn't interfere, because the medallion began humming in my hand, usually cold metal becoming warm to the touch.

Though my feet didn't leave the ground, I felt a jerk somewhere behind my navel and felt the sensation of being pulled forward. But instead of being pulled through the empty space and warm air that had been in front of me, it was like being ripped through a thick tangle of extremely tough spider webs. Sticky and rough.

Then I was in the open air again.

Except it didn't feel like air. Not really. Thick like extremely hot and humid air, except cold.

I opened my eyes and was greeted by the sight of the strange place I'd seen before.

Dark, bluish light illuminated the area, seemingly coming from everywhere, embroidered by deep, impenetrable shadows, surrounded by a wispy, fog that felt… sort of… alive.

But other than the ambiance, I was standing in the exact same spot I had been. The Doctor - or the grey mass that was vaguely Doctor shaped - was standing a few paces away. Like the natives I'd seen in the dome, he was blank and slightly see-through. No face, no hair, no leather jacket, just a blank grey shape. Sort of like a clothless mannequin or a computer program person that hadn't been given any details yet.

I reached out to him hesitantly with a trembling hand. My hand went through his arm almost like he wasn't there, only catching briefly, like he was made out of something slightly denser than the surrounding atmosphere.

I turned my attention away from the Doctor and gazed around the area with a sort of disturbed and frightened wonder.

Even though I was standing in the middle of an ancient village - it's walls having been worn down by centuries of rain and blown away as particles in the wind - I could see the ghosts of the buildings.

The structures weren't anywhere near solid, barely distinguishable from the rest of the fog. Thin outlines of the had-been.

Then it came to my attention that the fog wasn't fog at all.

It was people.

They mixed together indeterminately, but I could see them, weaving their own path around the people that had been in the village at the exact same time as them and going straight through the ones that occupied the same space before or after. Everyone that had ever walked through the village were there for me to see.

I shuddered and squinted, trying to pick out individuals. It wasn't entirely easy to see in this place. Not only was it dark and, well, foggy with the echoes of the long dead, but everything seemed slightly out of focus unless I was looking directly at it.

A glance back over at the Doctor's mostly solid 'present-time echo' confirmed that the blurriness wasn't just because all the shapes were distorting together to make them more difficult to see. Although everything seemed eerily still, the place gave the vague impression of vibrating. I shuddered again. Weird.

Then something else caught my eye. There, off to the side, was an impenetrable grey wall of… mist? It definitely wasn't wood or stone or anything solid. But I couldn't see through it. Just a mass of… nothing.

Nothing.

It was the end.

Edge of the universe.

I wasn't really sure how I knew that, but the way the wall made my skin prickle and caused the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end made me sure of it. I gazed up, looking for the top of the wall. There wasn't one. It just stretched up and up and up until it vanished into the night dark sky. The edge of everything.

And it was only thirty meters away. I started walking towards it for a better look, when suddenly I found myself at the edge of the clearing I had been in, no closer to the wall than I had been before. I turned to look back at the Doctor to see he was almost a football field length away, pacing back and forth in front of the TARDIS. He'd said to not go far, not stay in too long.

I started walking back, casting glances over my shoulder every few steps to look at the edge. It always stayed the exact same distance away, a foreboding, looming presence, everywhere and nowhere at the exact same time.

When I made it back to where the Doctor was, I was struck by the sight of the TARDIS. Unlike everything else in this peculiar realm, it was solid. My hand brushed against the wood, but didn't go through it. The wood was freezing, as if I were touching a textured block of ice. I shivered in response. Everything was so cold here. The regular world, on the other side, had been so warm.

Movement caught my eye. The Doctor was pacing again. As much as I hadn't wanted to come here, now that I didn't seem to be in any immediate danger, I was hesitant to leave. There was still so much to check out.

The Doctor-shape looked at his wrist, seemingly to check his watch.

Okay, time to go back.

I reached up to my neck to thumb the red jewel again. In theory, I should be able to get out the same way I got in.

The manipulator hummed in my hand, but nothing happened.

White hot panic flashed through my body. Back. I wanted to go back. It was neat here and I wanted to explore, but I wanted to get back to the other side, the side that I belonged on. I mean, it might not be my universe, but I wanted to be there more than I wanted to be here. I looked around fearfully. I was alone here. I didn't want to be alone again. I didn't want to die here, alone and empty while the Doctor…

A familiar jerk sourced around my navel jerked me back through the interdimensional spider webs, effectively cutting off the beginning of a panic attack.

Hot sunlight washed against my face. I breathed a sigh of relief and opened my eyes.

The Doctor turned around from where he had been pacing, froze at the sight of me, and bounded over, a relieved grin stretching from ear to ear.

"Alright?" He asked, shoving the sonic in my face and scanning me while he peered into my eyes worriedly.

"Yeah, fine, I think," I answered, squinting against the sonic's blue light.

The Doctor stopped scanning and put the screwdriver down. "Well?"

I shook my head thoughtfully. "Weird."

Suddenly he snatched up my hand and started dragging me into the TARDIS, saying, "Tell me about it when we get to the Medbay. Come on. I wanna give you a once over before anythin' else."

"The TARDIS has a Medbay?" I squeaked, almost tripping over the stair that led into a corridor I hadn't been down yet.

"Course it does!" He scoffed. "There's a swimmin' pool and a golf course. Why wouldn't there be a Medbay?"

"I dunno. Golf course?"

The Doctor let go of my hand when we entered an extremely white, sterile looking room. I paused for a second to take it in. It looked like the inside of a futuristic doctor's office. I wrinkled my nose. Smelled like one too.

"Come on, stop dawdlin'" the Doctor ordered from where he was digging through a drawer. "Up on that table there."

I spotted the table, which looked like any other doctor's office table, minus the annoying paper they usually had on top. Much to my annoyance, I had to use the stool sitting on the floor in front of it in order to clamber up onto the padded table. I would never get used to being this short.

By the time I got situated, Doctor 'The Doctor' had strode back over with a variety of scanner-things, which he laid out on the table beside me before scanning my forehead with one of them.

"What was it like?" He asked after a moment. Although he seemed focused on the scanny-thing, his eyes were glittering with enthusiasm. "Just think about it. You've just been to a place that no one else'll be able to see. Someplace I'll never be able to go. Imagine that! Almost nine 'undred years old and' seven hundred years of time and space and' that's somethin' I'll never see. Go on then."

His excitement was contagious. I found myself babbling out what I had seen to him just like he did when he was fired up about something. The Doctor listened intently as I recounted the experience, making sure to explain the shadow-ghost people and the end of the universe. He stayed quiet until I'd finished, switching between medical instruments, absorbing while he worked.

"See, when we move through the universe, we leave footprints," the Doctor explained. "Not like footprints in the mud, but full-body imprints in the fabric of reality, which would explain these 'ghosts' you saw. That's why I appeared more solid than the others. Think about it. Multi-dimensional indentations. When you set foot in a place, just for a moment, even after centuries have passed, the universe will still bear your mark on it." A soft smile spread across his face and his eyes got misty. "That's fantastic, that is."

"Poetic," I agreed warmly. "Why was the TARDIS solid?"

"She's a multidimensional machine. That and she's old. Mind if I take some cell samples?" The Doctor picked up a large cigar lighter looking thing and a small pack of disinfectant wipes.

I stared at the device skeptically for a second before nodding my consent. "Uh… sure?"

He smiled. "Fantastic. Just roll up your sleeve, please."

I rolled up the sleeve of the thin long sleeved sweater I was wearing and the Doctor cleaned his hands with the wipes before doing the same to a spot on my upper arm.

"The TARDIS is the best ship in the universe," the Doctor continued as he cleaned my arm and fiddled with the cell-sampler thingy. "That's why no one can get in without a key. She's solid, through every dimension, so eVen advanced civilizations and particle weapons can't get in or damage her."

I tensed when the cold device pressed against my arm. There was a slight stinging sensation, but it wasn't as bad as a needle.

"The older the object, the more solid it is." The Doctor added. He removed the cell collector and plugged it into a slot in a nearby screen, which displayed what must've been my vital signs. "Like a heavier person leaving a deeper footprint. You can also make deeper prints the longer you stand in one spot, like sinking into the mud over time." The Doctor smiled and I smiled back.

"What's the verdict, Dr. Doctor, am I clean?" I asked playfully, happy he was in a good mood.

"Cellular energy seems a bit low, but no cause for alarm, so long as we keep an eye on it." The Doctor wiped the place on my arm again and began rolling my sleeve back down. "But other than that, you're in perfect health."

Then he froze, having reached my wrist.

"What?" I asked, startled by his sudden change in demeanor.

He didn't answer, just pushed my sleeve back away from my wrist and shifted my thick bracelet aside, revealing the bruise hidden beneath.

The Doctor blanched. I had been on the TARDIS less than a week, but the bruise, which had been a disgusting shade of purple, had already faded to green. In another day or so, it would vanish altogether.

Damn it. I had been hiding it for a reason.

The Doctor remained quiet for a few long moments. Despite his hands being rough and calloused, his fingers brushed over the afflicted skin with surprising tenderness. He looked up slowly, face pale and drawn.

"Why didn't you say anything about this?" He asked hoarsely, blue eyes cloudy and unfocused.

"It's not a big deal," I shrugged. It really wasn't. I'd had worse bruises from playing with my brothers. They definitely had gotten worse ones from playing with me.

"But I did this," he murmured, returning his attention to my wrist. He looked so devastated that I was sure my heart was about to break.

"It's nothing. Really," I insisted. "Just a little bruise."

"Call this little?" He asked bitterly, going back to stroking the damaged skin lightly. Then, to my surprise, this dark, intense version of the Doctor leaned down and pressed his lips softly against the bruise.

I wasn't sure why, but this sweet, simple gesture caught me completely off guard, making me emotional to the point of tears. I took a quick breath to steady myself and chewed at the inside of my lip. He was being affectionate, so why was that upsetting?

The Doctor released my wrist and lifted his hands up to my face, where he then brushed aside my hair and examined the side of my neck. The memory of his hand closing roughly around my throat flashed through my head, but this time he was gentle, checking for more bruises.

Thankfully, the only bruises that had developed there had been small, just at the spots where his fingers had dug into my flesh. But they had been barely-there anyway and had vanished almost as quickly as they appeared.

"I'm sorry," the Doctor whispered, lowering his hands to his sides. "I am. I really, really am."

"I know," I said firmly. "It's okay. I mean it. It happens."

The Doctor nodded slowly but didn't look convinced. He just stood there, staring at the ground, looking defeated. He looked so miserable… I couldn't just let it slide.

"Oh, come here," I commanded, gently. I was taller than I usually was, sitting up on the table, almost tall enough to be face to face with the comparatively giant of a Time Lord. So it was easy to reach out, wrap my arms around his neck, and pull him into a warm hug.

The Doctor tensed, seemingly surprised, but gingerly wrapped his own arms around my back.

It was a loose, uncertain hug, and I was about to let go. But then I realized the Doctor was trembling. Just the slightest indiscriminate tremor, but I felt it through his leather-clad shoulders all the same. It was enough to worry me and, oddly enough, encourage me to tighten my grip on him instead of letting him go.

After a few long moments, my arms started to ache with effort. I was about to give up and release him from the embrace that was rapidly turning awkward, when he finally reacted.

The Doctor's grip tightened into something that was nothing short of a bear hug. A tiny, pleased squeak forced its way out of my throat as the Doctor's strong arms crushed me into him while he buried his face into my neck. I responded by re-tightening my own hold on him and burrowing my face into his shoulder.

I'd forgotten how nice hugs could be. Not 'hurry come on we almost died' hugs, but warm 'just because we can' hugs. I hadn't really liked hugs in my old body, preferring not to be touched. This one was apparently more suited to contact. I hadn't exactly had the chance to experiment with this kind of physical contact over the past year and half, effectively being a hermit and all.

The Doctor's back hitched slightly as he took in a shaky breath. I nuzzled the Doctor's shoulder, breathing him in and rubbing soothing circles on his back, smiling when I felt some of the tension melt away as he relaxed into the embrace.

He smelled great, too. Like leather, of course, but having your face in a leather jacket tended to have that effect. But beyond that, was a sweet, spicy scent that distinctly reminded me of something. Chai tea, that was it. The Doctor smelled almost exactly like a chai tea latte.

I stifled a giggle. It was a strange thing for a 'tough-guy' time travelling alien to smell like, but it suited him in more ways than I could imagine. Sweet and spicy, that was the Doctor.

After a few more blissful moments of this, the Doctor let go and took a step back. My heart fluttered at the sight of his soft, puppyish smile. Seeing him really smile now made me realize how many of his smiles were fake. His fake ones were too wide, too broad, and showed too much teeth, which concerned me a bit, as that encompassed a lot of the goofy smiles that I liked. But his real ones were thinner, showed less teeth, but did something different to his eyes that said he was actually feeling happy.

I grinned back and opened my mouth to say something, but was interrupted when the entire room suddenly decided to lurch to the side.

A startled squawk ripped from my throat as I found myself flung off the medical table and onto the floor. Miraculously, I didn't hit my head or break anything.

"What the hell?" I gasped, nursing my elbow.

"Oh, Medbay Gravitational Localizers. Just somethin' else to fix," the Doctor groaned from where he was sprawled on the floor.

"What's that?" I complained, trying to pick myself up, which proved to be difficult considering the room was heaving.

"Stops the Medbay from lurchin' like that." He made it to his knees, gazing around the room with irritated surprise. "It'd be 'orrible if that happened if someone was being treated for a serious injury!"

"What does that have to do with this?" I landed hard on my butt as the floor practically shifted under my feet.

"Somethin's wrong!" The Doctor cried, leaping back to his feet. "Come on, console room!"

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