Ice Queen
Disclaimer: I don't own 'Twilight'. All recognisable characters, content or locations belong to their respective owners. No copyright infringement intended.
Summary: Cool, calm and collected. Aloof and unattainable. Bella Swan is a self-proclaimed ice queen, but sooner than she would care to admit, Quil Ateara somehow finds his way under her skin, into her bed… and into her heart. AU. Snapshots.
Rating: T for language and mild adult themes. Some violence, too.
Author: tlyxor1.
Ice Queen
Chapter One: Rain
She wonders when it became a game to them, and she, the prize.
It hurts, in a way, to think that all she is to them is an object, something to test their brass, to succeed or fail.
Do they get points for creativity?
"Come on, baby, it'll be fun."
She blinks heavy lidded eyes in his direction, shakes her head once, and walks away. The glow of the fire lights her way, but no one watches her leave. She's alone, after all, and no one cares.
Her heart hurts just a little bit more.
As she walks home, and the rain starts to fall, she remembers days gone by, and silently cries for the girl she used to be. She longs for those days, unjaded by the world, sweet and impressionable, but those days have passed, and she's all that's left of the girl who used to be, little Bells Swan, with the world at her fingertips and joy in her heart.
"Hey, are you alright?"
She comes to a stop in the rain, turns, and Quil Ateara is there, built like a brick shithouse, but expression boyish, kind and concerned, a throwback to the days she loves and hates. he's older now, of course - they both are - and she wonders why he's there.
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"You're walking alone in the rain," he justifies, opens up the umbrella he holds at his side, and raises it over her head.
She thinks it's a lost cause, because they both look like drowned rats, but the gesture is sweet.
It nearly makes her smile.
"Let me walk you home?" He requests. He appears so earnest, and she can't find it in herself to refuse.
And so he walks her to her lonely home, and for a moment, Bella can't bring herself to care that it's probably just a game to him - just like it is to everyone else.
After all, when is it not just a game?
It always is. It always will be.
For the time being, however, she's not alone.
Chapter Two: Clown
The next time she crosses paths with Quil Ateara, it's in school, in the cesspit that is the cafeteria, as she tries to make sense of her Pre-Calculus homework.
She hates Maths. Despises it, even, and can't understand the subject for the life of her. Somehow, though, she's managed to wrangle a B+ average from her teacher, and she's determined to keep it.
"Are you okay?"
She glances at him, her eyebrows furrowed, and answers, "You seem to ask me that a lot."
Twice isn't a lot by any stretch of the imagination, but it's odd. Generally, guys take a while to try again. In fact, she's almost come to predict when each individual will next strike, and inevitably, strike out.
It's almost funny, except it's not. Not in the slightest.
"Because it matters," he says simply, shrugs, and looks over her work. "You got Question 3 wrong."
She recalls then that he's practically a genius, even if he hides it behind his class clown facade. She's almost tempted to ask him to help her. Except she doesn't, because that means letting them in, and letting them win too.
And that just can't happen. She won't let it.
"Thanks," she acknowledges, and erases her answer. "And I'm alright."
"Good," he acknowledges, hesitates for a moment, and walks away. He leaves a confused girl in his wake.
He's nothing like what she's come to expect from her male peers. Far from it, actually, because although he flirts outrageously, and girls practically swoon at his feet, he does nothing more than that, and he's never broken anyone's heart. He seems to enjoy making them feel beautiful though, and she thinks he's a nice guy because of it.
It's disconcerting, and she does not enjoy change. She remembers, though, that he made no move last time they spoke, and she wonders what that means.
Does it mean anything?
Chapter Three: Hope
Sometimes it feels like she's been waiting forever. It's irrational, she knows, because her father's been dead for years, but all the same, she can't bring herself to stop. Instead, she finds herself at the beach once again, settles near the shore, and casts her gaze over the horizon.
And so she waits.
She imagines her father's dinghy, imagines it appear on the horizon, imagines him finally come home.
And yet, the sun goes down, and like all the weekends before this one, he doesn't come, and a another part of her dies a little bit inside.
Maybe it's her hope.
"Are you alright?"
She doesn't need to look to know who it is. He's the only one who ever asks her that anymore. She's pretty sure everyone else thinks she's an emotionless husk, and little Bells Swan, that girl she used to be, died a long time ago. She doesn't blame them. In truth, sometimes she wishes she had.
"I'm alright," she answers, because there's nothing else to say.
"Do you come here often?"
"Every weekend," she answers, and he's silent for a long time.
"Have you found what you're looking for?"
She turns to him then, and there's understanding, and grief, in his gaze. Her smile, in turn, is so very sad, because she wishes he doesn't - understand, that is.
Her sigh is weary, her voice is desolate. "No."
He reaches out a hand to - to do what, Bella doesn't know - but he drops it halfway there, and the emptiness she feels is all-encompassing.
"I'm sorry."
A twitch of her lips. perhaps another empty smile. "Me too."
Chapter Four: Stars
The next time he approaches her, it's night time, the sky is clear, and she's sprawled out across a blanket on First Beach. She stares up at the sky overhead, wrapped securely in another flannel blanket, and he approaches her from the bonfire farther down the shore.
She's supposed to be there too, because it's one of those seasonal events hosted by the council, but she finds the events miserable, and avoids them when she can. Billy, the Chief, is soft enough to let her get away with it, but she doubts she'll be allowed to for much longer.
Eventually, her responsibility in the tribe will catch up to her, but for now, it's not something she dwells on, and instead, she stares up at the stars, and seeks out the constellations she's had memorised for years.
"Are you alright?"
She almost smiles. "Yeah."
He's quiet for a time, and she hears him shift in the pebbled sand. "Can I join you?"
She nods, shifts over on her blanket, and watches as he settles himself in the space she's vacated. He's sans t-shirt again, and in the iridescent light of the harvest moon, his skin almost glows. He radiates heats too, and she wonders idly if he's sick, but then he is talking, and the thought leaves as soon as it's come.
"See those stars there?"
She follows his finger, squints her gaze, and nods. He grins, all teeth and boyish charm, and without conscious thought, she finds herself smiling in return. "What about them?" She queries.
"It's a penis."
She blinks, unsure if she's just heard him right, looks back at the stars, and laughs. She can't remember the last time she has, but it's freeing, and when she looks back at him, his smile has changed, something soft, and sweet, that silences her mirth, but doesn't erase her own smile. Instead, something dances inside her belly, and despite herself, she likes it.
It makes her feel alive.
Ice Queen
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. All recognisable characters, content or locations belong to their respective owners. No copyright infringement intended.
Chapter Five: Wolf
She learns of the wolves purely by chance. It's dusk, she's on the beach, and her thoughts are a million miles away, but movement on the cliffs catches her eyes. She watches as a lumbering, lupine form appears from the underbrush, and her eyes widen, disbelieving, as that form shifts, and in it's place, there is a man.
She feels a little bit faint, and despite the fact that he's naked as the day he was born, she just can't stop staring.
He notices her then, and she wonders if she's about to die, but then he's jogging - or running - and she's too dumbstruck to get up and run the hell away.
Imagine her surprise when the person turns out to be Paul Lahote, la Push's resident badass, among other things.
She can only stare at him like a dumbass, and she wonders if this is all some sort of demented dream cooked up from her grandfather's moonshine.
She's only grateful he put on pants before he thought to approach her.
"What did you see, Swan?"
She points up at the cliff, and back at her classmate, and concludes, "I think I'm high."
Paul snorts, laughs, and shakes his head. "No, Swan, you're not."
And so she learns. Wolves, shape shifters like in the legends, to fend off cold ones - vampires - and she's certain her life will never be the same again.
How can it?
There are a lot of wolves in the pack, apparently. Sam Uley, Jared Cameron, Jacob Black, Quil Ateara, Embry Call, Collin Littlesea and Brady Fuller, Seth and Leah Clearwater.
"No steroids, then?" She almost wishes that's the case.
Paul's smile is uncharacteristically sympathetic. "No steroids, Birdy."
"Right," she acknowledges, and turns her gaze to the horizon. She has a lot to digest, and Paul leaves her to her thoughts. As he disappears into the tree line though, she wonders if she's truly alone.
Upon consideration, it is probably unlikely. In any case, it's the last thing on her mind.
Chapter Six: Trust
He walks her home, and she feels safe. He's a protector, after all, and inside her heart, she knows Quil won't harm a hair on her head. Not if he can help it, in any case.
Briefly, Emily Uley's scar ravaged features flit across her mind's eye, but the reminder doesn't last.
"Are you alright?" Quill enquires.
She tips her head up, meets his dark eyes with her own, and smiles. "I'm alright. Are you?"
Quill looks slightly startled, but as soon as the expression comes, it goes, and his own smile is wide. "I'm awesome, B."
"Good," she acknowledges.
They make the remainder of the walk in companionable silence. She thinks about Quil, about his companionship, and she wonders when he snuck his way past some of her walls.
She wonders why she doesn't try to push him away. She hasn't let anyone else in, after all.
Then again, she reminds herself, hesitating upon her porch, no one else is Quil Ateara IV.
"Did you want to come in?"
As she meets his gaze, stunned and humbled, her own flashing with determination, perhaps even challenge, Bella smiles. She does this, of course, because she trusts Quil Ateara, and people like him - people she trusts - are few and far between.
Bella likes to keep them close - just in case.
And maybe, she ponders, she wants to protect Quil Ateara, too.