Good Ol' Fashioned Razzmatazz Chapter 4:
Liberty Courts Disobedience
Between reading books, procuring food so I didn't starve to death, appeasing Lenny's many demands, and trying desperately to keep clean with just a lake— life was way too hard. My hands were freezing against the chilling river water, and the fact that I was washing chiffon in such a rough way would ruin the fabric for good. And it was such beautiful frills too!
"How do you wash clothes without a washing machine?!" I grumbled, throwing my wet skirt away in frustration.
Lenny was curled up against the tree branch above me in a mildly sunny spot, taking in the light's heat and relaxing like a big old betrayer.
"Hunt a bear, wear itsss fur and you won't have thisss issue."
"No Lenny, I'm not some barbarian! I'm a fucking refined lady with refined tastes and a kickass sense of fashion! Clothes represent the person! It expresses the soul!"
"Humansss should learn to ssshed their ssskin. Keepsss it glowing and new," Lenny preened
"That's gross on so many levels," I said, only to receive an agitated hiss from the snake.
"It's you humans who are grosss. Keeping the sssame ssskin all year round. Disssgusssting!"
I moved to make a remark when I thought about and realised yeah dead skin was kind of gross. Lenny actually had a point with that one.
"Back to the topic though. How the fuck do you wash clothes without a washing machine?!"
I would have continued my grumbling as I dunked my beautiful clothes in the river, but I was startled by the sudden presence of a vampire next to me. I definitely didn't yelp, nor did I fall back unceremoniously...
"What are you doing child?"
I threw my clothes away in frustration and shot the vampire a rather heated glare. "Washing my clothes apparently!"
"Why would you— oh yes, muggle methods," he said distastefully.
"Well how else did you think I would get by with no food, electricity or running water?" I asked with an exasperated huff.
"I have lived so long with magic sometimes I forget the sheer inconvenience living without it entails," the vampire hummed. "How do those muggles do it?"
"First of all the more you say 'muggle', the more stupid it sounds. Secondly my clothes are being ruined!"
"Fine child, come along. It is time to teach you some magic, so you won't be so pathetic," he said with a click of his tongue, flipping his cape around dramatically as he turned.
I followed behind him, reluctantly admiring his natural flare for dramatics. At least we had that in common.
As it turned out magic required this pesky little thing called a wand, which I did not possess and which Orpheus deemed me too immature to wield. Never mind the fact that I was an adult, how did he expect me to learn magic without doing it?! Still, the theory lessons were useful, if not a little grating considering I felt an unhealthy amount of jealousy watching him use actual magic while I made pretend with a stick I found on the floor.
"So is magic just saying some words and doing a wand flick? Does that mean I could say a random word, flick my wand and then WAZZAH a new spell is formed?" I asked, plopping my forearm on the table as I chewed my pencil.
Orpheus slapped the pencil out of my mouth and sent me a withering look. I raised a brow and smirked, and he seemed to bristle back into his seat, folding his arms like a particularly irritated teacher.
"It's not something to play so casually with, although in some sense you are correct. Try something like that however, and you'll more than likely lose an eye or turn yourself permanently into the toad you are inside."
"Hey!"
He sent me a cocky look before continuing on. "Magic is embedded with your will and channelled through something physical, whether that be spoken, or written words, an object itself, or your body itself. For magic to work, the words have to have meaning, and belief. You can't simply say a word and wave a wand and expect results. You have to specifically consider meaning, movement, and the shape of the universe itself. Unless you're somehow capable of diving these three things yourself, I would suggest you leave spell making to master wizards who know their craft."
"So you're saying there is a way," I said.
"Yes, but did you choose to selectively ignore everything else I said?" he said, tapping his quill impatiently on the book in front of him.
"Learning is only fun if it's for a purpose."
"And once again we are back to the reason why you won't be allowed a wand," he noted.
"I'll have you know I'm technically an adult."
If I was a bird, my feathers would be entirely ruffled right now, because the disbelief in Orpheus's eyes were maddening. I wanted to rip my hair out in frustration. Stupid, tiny, fragile little body!
"Anyway," he continued on dismissively, "What schools often tend to leave out is that to a creative mind, magic has innumerable possibilities, but only when paired with outside skills. Wizards and Witches often find themselves using magic as a crutch, when it should be a tool."
I yawned and then found myself getting whacked on the head with the textbook as Orpheus grovelled down at me.
"Look, let's skip all this boring pre-banter banter and get to the good stuff. Let me test out some magic on your wand already."
Orpheus rubbed the bridge of his nose, and his face turned inward like a dried prune before he took a moment to gather himself into a more passive appearance. As far as it went, he still looked like a prickly old goat—a handsome prickly old goat. Then he clicked his fingers and faster than a blink of an eye, a mass of grey and skin summoned itself on top of the table. I startled backwards, falling off my chair from the sudden fright, only to look up and see the most curious thing. There before me was a creature with the biggest blue eyes, and ears so long they seemed to have a mind of their own. I shuffled back onto my feet looking at the house-elf in wonder. It was the first time I'd seen one.
"This is Gibs. He'll take care of you and supervise you from now on," Orpheus said.
"A real elf!" I said, rushing to shake the elf's hand.
"Oh Gibs is uncertain of what to do right now Master Lestoat!"
Orpheus put a hand on my face and pushed me away from the elf, to which I mumbled my protests. "Gibs is not here for your enjoyment, he's here for work, so do not interact with him unless there is something you need."
There was something so incredibly wrong about that, that my brain almost instantly shut off. I looked up at Orpheus aghast, and then at the elf again, noting the rags he was wearing, the callouses on his fingers, the way he dipped his head down as if he was unused to looking up at the world around him with a thought for himself. It was so wrong, so incredibly unnatural, that all my excitement died in that moment, left with a bitter taste in my mouth, and a sense that I'd just stuck my hand in a pile of dung.
"Orpheus... he's a slave?" I asked, looking between the two.
"Don't be foolish child. They enjoy their lives and are made for this work."
They enjoyed it... I didn't know what to say to that. I paused and turned to Lenny who didn't seem to have an opinion or another. He simply curled himself on the chair and slept. I turned back to Gibs who seemed to almost shrink into the background and then when I felt the urge to say something again, I couldn't. My mouth felt dry.
"Well then, do study those simple spells, and read the theoretical manuscripts behind it too. No use in knowing something without knowing why it does it," he said, before he grabbed his port key and whisked himself away.
I stopped and turned back to where Gibs was, but he'd disappeared. For a moment I wondered if I should call him for work just so that I could talk to him, but it was as if the words had left me. I felt uneasy and terrible all at once and for no reason at all!
"Lenny, I'm going back out alone," I called out, grabbing my coat.
"Finally sssome peaccce and quieet," he said, eyes still closed.
I shook my head in exasperation and walked outside into the quiet of the forest. I needed some time to think.
It was later that night when I was reading my book, finding myself once again distracted by thoughts of the house-elf, that I broke. I finished my shuffling and stood up, slamming the book down.
"Gibs are you there?!"
The house-elf popped right next to me, making me yelp and hop away in fright.
"What does Master Arete want Gibs to do?" the elf asked.
"First of all, stop this whole 'Master' business. I want to know something Gibs. Do you just wait around, or do you have a spell to know when I'm calling?" I asked.
Gibs looked befuddled for a moment, and then scratched his chin. "U-um... it's like instincts missus. We just know."
"You just know?" I asked, narrowing my eyes. "And you don't find that suspicious at all?"
"N-not really. Gibs has never thought about it before! Is the missus angry?!" he squeaked.
"No! Just curious is all... and the name's Arete, Gibs. Don't you think it's weird you keep referring to yourself in the 3rd person?"
Gibs was looking around startled suddenly, his hands wrung together, and he bounced on the heels of his feet as if to run. I paused in my interrogation and pursed my lips tightly. I wasn't helping, not at all, and that bothered me.
"Does the missus want Gibs to do anything for her?" he asked, desperation in his eyes.
There was a million things I could ask for that would make living in this cabin a whole lot easier. There was fire that needed to be kindled, food that needed to be cooked, candles that needed to be restored and relit. There was the matter of my clothes too, which I desperately wanted back to cleanliness. I refrained from asking for any of that. It was flat out wrong, because I wasn't even asking, even if I did it in a well-meaning way.
"If you want, that is— do you want to come out with me?" I asked.
"Would I?" he asked back, as if suddenly he wasn't so sure. "What the Missus wants I'll do!"
"I don't care either way," I pressed.
Gibs pulled at his ears now in distress and rushed to pat his shoulders to calm him down. Stressed out by the action he jumped away onto the table and then seemed to vibrate with even more nervous energy as he whined in realisation of his action.
"Ohh Gibs didn't mean to run away! Gibs is sorry!"
"Hey, hey it's ok Gibs! If you feel uncomfortable, running away is a good thing," I said, taking a step back to give him some space.
"Really?" he asked, slowly letting go of his ears and looking me in the eye for the first time.
"Of course. If you don't want to be around someone, then it's best not to be around them. I'm sorry if I came onto you really hard," I apologised.
"Weaaaakling. He'ssss sssscared of you," Lenny said, turning his head in disgust.
I huffed at Lenny. "I'll have you know I'm very scary!"
Lenny did the closest thing to a scoff a snake could before going back to sleep. Gibs craned his neck up finally as if to look between me and Lenny.
"The missus is a Parcel Tongue?" he asked.
"Yup, but let's not dwell on that," I replied.
I sat back on the couch behind me and felt oddly out of my depth. Sure waking up practically to find out my consciences had been hibernating for a couple of years was a shock, but to also realise that I was in a fictional story was bordering insanity. Then the potential idea of being part of some important bloodline didn't elude me. This world I'd landed myself into was already too much to take in. Meeting the other species of intelligent beings coexisting this new world was insane, but true insanity was admitting that these worlds were all connected somehow.
"Is the missus ok?" Gibs asked.
I realised suddenly that he was by my side, hand on my knee, with the most wide-eyed sincere look of concern. I smiled at him as brightly as I could, although I wasn't sure how to take the gesture.
"Of course I'm ok! Never been better! I'm going out for that walk now," I said.
I didn't ask if he was coming, or even look at him. Instead I gave him one last smile before making my way out, opening the door only to wait for a moment, and to my pleasant surprise Gibs scurried after me. I grinned. It would be good to have some company for once.
Despite the chill in the air, the sun was up and shining, cascading a glittering light from the canopy above, and the forest seemed to be chirping with life. I did miss humanity, if only the people I played music with often, but it was easy to see the sheer awesomeness of nature that my aunty often spoke about.
"You know what song really picks the mood right now?" I asked Gibs
"Gib's isn't sure what missus is thinking at all!"
"That's because I'm a master of enigma!" I said, doing the jazz hands with a wild flourish.
"Really?" Gibs asked in awe.
"Not really… some saying about women or another that I've bloody forgotten… hmm where was I going with this—ah yes! The song for this mood. Have you heard Take me Home, Country Roads by John Denver?"
"Gib's hasn't heard of such a song missus! What roads takes missus home?" he asked. "Hmm maybe death?" I laughed.
"No missus shouldn't die!"
"Everyone dies Gibs, just a matter of when, where and how. Now how was it… that I died? Knowing me I either died doing something awesome or something stupid. Anyway, the song! Yes, nothing better to do work to than some good music. I don't have a guitar right now, so you'll have to settle for my voice."
And so I sang as I began collecting the firewood we needed for the night. I didn't have to ask Gibs for him to help, but it would have honestly been fine if he hadn't done anything either. We worked together, mostly with me chatting about my entire life story to him. It would probably sound like the wild imaginations of a child, but Gibs took me at my word.
"You's father was a terrible man!"
"Indeed, the worst kind of man! A real douchebag! I was wasted on him. I mean look at me, I have it all, the manners, the intelligence, the patience and not to mention my good fucking gorgeous looks! You'd wonder how I inherited it all from that loser cunt-face motherfucker!"
I would have kept walking but for some reason Gib's had stopped behind me. I turned around and he blinked owlishly my way, mouth agape. I nearly chuckled when I realised, he'd probably been scared out of his wits by my explicit language. I did have beautiful vocabulary.
"What's got your panties in a twist? Don't want to come home?" I asked.
"Home?" he asked.
"Country road, take me home, to the place I belooong, tiny cabin, in a forest, down the road, country road~" I sang chuckling at the end of my hasty reprise.
Gibs jumped after me, this time with a smile of his own, and not behind me but right next to me. I decided that I very, very much liked him. I nearly wiped a tear from my eye. To think I'd get to meet an elf! A real elf! He was pretty cool too!
I was very tempted to ask Gibs to help clean my clothes, but just because something was easy, didn't make it right. Besides, I enjoyed the challenge, and I felt like being a bit rebellious right now anyway. Orpheus was a hard task master, never waiting a moment before dropping of his next set of notes for me to study, and rarely repeating himself in his instruction. In short, he was a bore.
I didn't enjoy studying. Who did? It was tedious, and my mind often wandered to more inane distractions, and sometimes when I was studying my numbers and notes turned into random doodles of my thoughts—but the point was, that I did try. I just wasn't capable of the same amount of focus I could usually discipline myself into. I felt more flitty and side-tracked than ever before and it took me a while to realise it was my body's childish instincts, and that my attention span was just not where it was before when I'd been able to wire my brain to study more and harder.
It was by the end of the week that I gave up. Learning magic theory was too much effort without any real motivation. I didn't have an irritatingly douchey and all-around terrible father to motivate me out of borderline poverty. Damn… I really missed his bitch ass face. I missed my friends…
"Yeah, no fucking way!"
I shot up from the ground, startling both Lenny and Gibs as I slapped my cheeks hard. I wasn't going to turn into an angsty teen so soon! I was only 6 years old dammit! It was too early to be getting pimples and mood swings!
"Whatsss wrong?" Lenny asked, curling down from the tree he was sleeping in.
"This!" I said, holding up my book. "I'm studying all day, and the rest of the time I'm going out to find food! This is bullshit! If I'm going to work for a rich vampire daddy, I expect plumbing and a roof over my head and tonnes and tonnes of pastries!"
"You have berriesss," Lenny pointed out.
"Um Gibs can make Arete a pie?" Gibs added.
"No Gibs, you don't have to make me anything remember," I said.
"But Gibs wants to," he said eagerly nodding his head.
I pursed my lips. Goddamn I wanted that pie, but I also didn't want to make him my slave. I was about to tell him no when he disappeared out of the blue. I wasn't envious of his ability to teleport… no way. I turned to Lenny.
"Good ol' Edward Cullen isn't going to come by anytime soon. It's been long enough since I've been missing, and I have clothes that make me not look like a homeless bum, so I guess we can take a trip to the city," I suggested.
"To the sssity," Lenny asked.
"Yup, pack your things my man!"
"Sssnaakes don't need usseelesss thingsss," Lenny replied before curling back on the eaves to sleep.
I rolled my eyes before I took out my bag and packed some necessities. It would be about a day's trip to the city. Orpheus wouldn't be back until next week anyway. I needed to talk to some normal humans to regain my sanity, and if I could steal some pastries while I was there then it was a bonus.
I waited for Gibs to come back first of course. He had a apple-pie in hand, and I sent it a longing look. I should refuse it! I stretched my hand out and felt my mouth water, but I let out a long groan and pulled back.
"What's wrong Missus? You don't like the look of the pie?!" Gibbs asked.
"No! It looks soo good… but… Gibs my man," I said putting an arm around his shoulder, "has anyone told you that it's wrong to force someone to do something? I'm not your master. No one has a right to control what you do."
Gibs looked like he was floundering for words. I scratched my cheeks sheepishly. Yeah, I made things awkward, but tip-toeing around it wasn't getting the point across. Gibs and I stood there in uneasy silence until he shoved the pie into my hand, startling me.
"Gibs wasn't asked to make you pie. You said no and Gibs made it anyway, because… Gibs likes you."
I felt a genuine smile take my face as I beamed at the elf. I felt a little lighter at his admission. I put the pie down and took him in a hug.
"That's right Gibs, no one should ever be your master but yourself," I said, fist bumping his chest. He let out a nervous laugh at that. "Well no better way to find yourself than a good ol' road trip!"
"Wait we can't go! Master Orpheus said we must stay in the Cabin," Gibs protested in distress.
"Come on Gibs, you're going to listen to an ancient skeleton who's allergic to garlic when you're a badass wizard who can cast wandless spells? Seems kinda boring," I teased.
Gibs pulled his ears down and looked around in distress. "Ouuuh… Gibs will be noticed amongst the humans."
"I'm sure you'll look just like a kid if I put a hoodie on you."
"Gibs is a house-elf! House-elves can't wear Wizard clothes."
I rolled my eyes. "Well if we're being technical here it's muggle clothes… which by the way, why 'muggle'? Wizards need to find less stupid sounding words."
Gibbs 'oohhed' and 'ahhhhed', pulling his ears dramatically while I went to grab Lenny. The poor elf was probably going through an existential crisis. While I had grown fond of the elf, he was his own man. I couldn't make his decisions for him. He was going to have to choose freedom for himself, because the only person chaining him down was himself.
What people liked to call slaves, I called prisoners. No one owned you. They could bind you down financially, put chains around your neck, and suffocate you under their feet, but you weren't theirs. You were always your own… unless you willingly gave yourself to someone else. That was the only true slave in the world, someone who didn't value their own freedom.
"You look ssaaad," Lenny noted. "Human weaknesss is amussing."
"It is, isn't it," I chuckled as I looked back at Gibs, and I faltered. "It's pathetic isn't it. Just like how you don't have opposable thumbs."
Lenny tightened his length around my neck as my laugh turned into choking. I pulled him out, gasping for air, half breathless with amusement, and another part of me somewhat terrified even if he wasn't choking me too hard.
"Take it baaack!"
"Ok, ok! I take it back! Let me breathe," I laughed.
"Sssnaakess are sssuperior in every way. I will show you one day human child," he vowed.
"Sure thing Lenny… and it looks like someone is coming along for the ride."
I grinned as I turned back to see Gibs running my way, looking like a nervous wreck. I clapped his back proudly, standing tall and giving him a thumbs up.
"I knew you'd rise to the occasion Gibs. You're showing some seriously cool character right now!"
"Gibs is terrified not cool!"
"Nah, what you just did there, was the coolest thing I'd ever seen."
I meant that whole heartedly. Gibs looked at me and he smiled a panicky smile, but his back straightened up a bit more. His big blue eyes had the look of someone alive. I took his hands and led him besides me.
"Want to learn some songs for the road? We can duet," I grinned.
Gibs nodded eagerly. Yeah, this trip was going to be fun! It was time to get back to civilisation for a while!
A/N
Wow, took forever to write this chapter. Got too much on my plate so this story being a slow update is an unfortunate side-effect of that :') Don't worry though, I'm not giving up on this story. It will continue, no matter how slow!
Next chapter: the crazy child, racist snake, and anxiety ridden elf go into town and uncover a mystery that runs deeper than it seems. Also one garlic allergic skeleton realises he's fucked up hard. XD