The next morning Daryl moved back to his tent, and I went to join the group gathered around Rick and Shane, ready to get started searching. I couldn't believe my ears when I realized they were headed to the gun range rather than back out to look for Sophia. It appeared that they intended to leave the responsibility of finding her to Daryl, and if he wasn't able to go, they were all going to take a day off. I said as much, but Shane insisted that we needed to make time to teach the group how to defend themselves and Rick didn't argue, just suggested Shane swing by a housing development afterward to check.

I had no interest in shooting, and figured I'd go find the spot where Daryl found Sophia's doll. I wasn't thrilled at the idea of going by myself, but we had only seen a couple of walkers when we were out before, and I could have gotten away from them if Daryl hadn't wanted me to practice killing them. I grabbed a map, water bottle, and granola bar from my tent, and peeked my head into Daryl's to get better directions on where he found the doll. He showed me on my map but pulled it back when I tried to take it from him, eyes lingering on my bruised knuckles.

"Andrea came to see me this mornin'. Said she was sorry. She got a black eye somehow." I busied myself putting my food and water in my backpack. "Oh? Glad she apologized." I willed my blush to cool before looking up at Daryl again, but he didn't say anything more, and handed me back the map. "Be careful. Make sure you all know the plan before you head off." I didn't tell him it was just me, and I hoped I'd be back before he found out.

The woods were as peaceful as ever, and I found my thoughts wandering to the possibility of just living out there. If I ever got back home, I didn't know if I could go back to living in town around lots of people. I was naturally an introvert and needed a lot of down time between social events. This whole experience was like a never-ending social event, with bonus violence and trauma and I was going to need a lifetime to recover from it.

I found my way to the creek using my map and the compass and was more than a little proud of myself for learning how to navigate the woods. I looked for any signs of Sophia and found the spot where Daryl had slid down the steep ridge. He must have found the doll nearby, but I didn't see anything else. I was sure Daryl would have found something to track if he was there, but I just didn't have his eyes.

I was bent over looking at the soft dirt next to the creek, trying to decide if it had been disturbed recently, when I heard the rasping of a walker behind me, and found myself jerked off balance by my hair yet again as I spun around. A loose jaw full of rotting teeth hovered just above my head as I lay on my back and I pushed at its neck to keep it from getting close enough to bite me. I hardly had time to think before swinging my knife toward its head, sinking it deep into the skull. The walker collapsed on top of me, oozing thick sticky blood and gore onto my shirt and face. I shoved it off me and splashed water from the creek onto my face to wash it clean, hands shaking.

I made my way back toward the farm, stopping periodically to get my bearings and call for Sophia. I felt remarkably calm, and a little proud that I'd dealt with a walker on my own, without a gun, and without falling apart. Daryl had said that Carol would need to change, but it was true for me too. I knew I could handle mental challenges, but my body was getting stronger and allowing me to deal with the physical ones as well, and I was learning to be emotionally tougher when necessary, which felt good. If I was going to survive and get home eventually, I couldn't start crying every time I had to take out a walker.

I arrived back at the farm at the same time as Shane and Andrea, who had obviously hooked up somewhere. Glenn was nowhere to be found, and Dale was talking to Shane about something. I figured it was as good a time as any to smooth things over with Andrea; maybe she'd be in a better mood after a little sexual stress release. I found her in the RV and she turned as I entered, looking at me warily.

"I shouldn't have hit you," I began, standing in the doorway. "I was pissed, I'm still pissed, that you did something stupid and it got someone hurt, but I shouldn't have hit you. I'm sorry about that." Andrea nodded slowly. "Forgiven. And for the record, I apologized to Daryl and he doesn't seem too mad." "I know," I said. "Just don't do anything like that again and we'll be good." I smiled at Dale as I left, so he'd know I made good on my promise, and went to check on Daryl.

He was still in his tent, reading a book, and resting. He greeted me with a soft "hey" as I came in and sat down next to his cot. "I'm sorry, I didn't find anything out there," I said. "I tried to look for all the signs you showed me, but I couldn't tell what was walkers and what might have been Sophia. I found the spot where I think you got the doll, and I walked all around but didn't come up with anything more."

He raised himself up on his elbows and stared at the side of my head, tilting it slightly to get a better look. "What the fuck happened to your head?" he asked, and I raised a hand to feel what he was looking at. My scalp stung as I touched it and I came away with blood on my fingertips, realizing that the walker must have yanked some of my hair out by its roots when it pulled me down.

"Oh, it's fine, it barely hurts. I killed my first walker by myself though! It yanked my hair and pulled me down, just like the one at the campground, but I had my knife out and I got him." Daryl's face clouded over and he sat up on the cot. "Who were you with? Why didn' they kill it when it grabbed yer hair?"

I raised myself to my knees and tried to push Daryl back down on the cot. "Shhhh! It's fine, I'm okay and it wasn't anybody's fault. You need your rest." He shoved my hand away and stood up, swaying slightly. "Tell me. Who you. Were with." he gritted out and I sighed and sat back down on the ground. "I wasn't with anyone. The rest of the group went to the shooting range and I went out by myself to look. But I was careful and I had a compass and a map and I found my way just fine. There was just the one walker and I took care of it. It was good, actually, and I felt like I figured some stuff out about what I can handle."

I grabbed his hand and tried to tug him back down onto his cot but he jerked it away, unzipped the tent, and stomped outside. I followed warily, watching him pace back and forth before turning toward me to yell. "You went out alone? After I just almost died out there? What the fuck were you thinkin'? What the fuck good is it gonna do if you go out there to look and get fuckin' bit yerself? You think that's gonna help that little girl? You think that's gonna help me or, or anyone?"

I crossed my arms and waited for him to stop yelling before I responded quietly, "You can yell all you want Daryl, and I get why you're pissed but no one else was going to go look for her, and I couldn't just sit around here, or go shoot a fucking gun at some tin cans. I am fine. I'm not hurt, and I'm not apologizing."

I left before he could say anything else, and brushed past Glenn, Dale, and Carol before deciding I needed to take a walk to cool off. Rick and Lori were across the field and I didn't want to disturb them so I headed the other direction, careful not to go too far since the light was fading. I was just walking the fence line, trying to decide if I'd done anything wrong when I saw Shane coming toward me. He kept approaching when I stopped and came to lean against the fencepost next to me. I could feel the tension radiating off of him and I wondered if he'd seen Rick and Lori as well. Whatever was happening with the three of them was going to come to a head at some point and I hoped I wasn't around to see it.

"Why didn't you come to the shooting range today?" he said. "I think everyone in the group needs to learn how to defend themselves, and I'm a certified instructor. Now maybe you want to just hang out with Lori and Carol around camp and that's fine, but I know you're up in arms about 'gender roles', and if you want to do anything else I expect you to take the time to learn some real skills." I shook my head and turned away, knowing I wasn't in the mood to have this conversation with him, but he grabbed my shoulder and spun me back around. "Don't walk away when I'm talkin to you, ya hear? This ain't a joke and I'm not gonna put up with any attitude. You get on board with the group, or you leave, got it?"

I stepped away from him and yanked my arm from his grasp. "Take your hands off of me. I was out in the woods looking for Sophia today, and I had a weapon with me. I defended myself just fine when I ran into a walker, and I've got no interest in wasting ammo and creating a bunch of noise to draw more of them just so I can get good at shooting. I've shot a gun before and you're the last person I'd want help from if I ever have to do it again."

I started walking back to the house and Shane followed me. "I'm not finished with this conversation. I don't like your elitist attitude, and I don't like you hangin' out with Daryl. He's rubbing off on you and it's not good for the group." I spun around and took a step toward him, stopping him in his tracks. "I don't give a fuck what you think about me," I began in a low voice. "You don't know me, and you don't know Daryl. Stay. The fuck. Away. From me."

Shane wasn't one of those guys from the bar - he was a police officer who clearly cared about Lori and Carl - but he had become unhinged enough that the look in his eyes when I told him off scared me in the same way they had. He grabbed my wrists and pushed me against the fence post and I almost screamed, before telling myself that he wouldn't actually hurt me. He pushed his forearm against my chest so hard I thought there might be bruises in my back the next day and gripped my chin. "You need to watch yourself" he growled, "there ain't room for everyone in this group, and I sure as hell ain't leaving."

"Let go of me or I'll scream," I said calmly but firmly, refusing to show him I was scared, and he relaxed his grip. I pulled away and left him in the dark while I headed to where Glenn and Dale were eating dinner, glad for the company for once.