This is a very short (and somewhat abrupt) outtake from my multi-chapter story, which would fit anywhere between Chapters 4 and 5. It is not necessary to have read it for this to make sense: there is an ambush and a Musketeer gets badly burned; Captain Athos sits with him until he passes away. This is a dialogue between Athos and d'Artagnan during that time.

IV. BtWD Outtake: A Difficult Night

"Do not try to be like me, d'Artagnan," Athos said, clear surprise on his face as he turned to look at him, "Why would you possibly want to be like me?"

"Is that a serious question?"

Athos frowned, narrowed eyes drilling into the Gascon's earnest face. He had thought d'Artagnan's admiration of him was a thing left, as it should be, in the earlier days of their acquaintance; it was a big surprise to him that now, after all these years, he was hearing the same genuine sentiment from his friend.

"You taught me not to let my emotions control my head," d'Artagnan continued, his defiant gaze meeting Athos's searching one with the same fiery skill with which he would meet his mentor's sword when they sparred. "In retrospect, that's the best damn advice anyone has given me after my father."

A sad smile came unbidden to Athos's face, smoothing over the creases as he let his shoulders drop.

"I would have expected you to grow wiser in so many years."

If d'Artagnan was surprised that, it was merely a hint in his voice and not visible on his face. "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that you know me better than anyone in this world, bar Aramis and Porthos," Athos returned forcefully, facing the Gascon once again with a strong look. "Do not misunderstand me, I stand by what I taught you about controlling your emotions in a fight. I dare say it served you well, since you still carry that head on your shoulders, but d'Artagnan –" the hesitation lasted barely a moment before the words slipped out of his lips "—it is I who wishes to be more like you."

He only glimpsed at the totally bemused expression on d'Artagnan's face before averting his gaze, dropping it back to his hands which dangled from his knees by the wrists.

"I don't understand."

Athos sighed as he left aside his sword, then rubbed his face with both hands to abate the pressing need for sleep. "Do you not know why I don't have nearly as many friends as Porthos or Aramis does? Do you not know that if you weren't the stubborn mule that you are, those two would still be the only ones to call me their friend? Why do you think is that?"

"Because you prefer it that way."

"True; to a very good extent. But to an extent, only."

"I don't understand –"

"You, d'Artagnan, took my advice as you should have done. I told you to control your emotions in a fight, I never told you what to do with them outside the battlefield. Do you know why? Because you are one of the few people on this earth who knows how I deal with them – or fail to." Athos was surprised by the force with which the words came off his tongue, defying his intention to be stopped. "Look at me. What exactly do you think were Cormier's last thoughts of me? What comfort was I able to offer him on his deathbed?"

"What are you talking about – Athos, Cormier died peacefully –"

"Peaceful- he was in agony." Athos leaned towards the side, his face close to d'Artagnan's as he hissed the words through his teeth. "He was set ablaze in his sleep, and suffered for two days before he died. There is no peaceful dying, d'Artagnan, there are only swift deaths, if we are in luck.

"Do not," he put softly, once more, eyes boring into d'Artagnan's, "try to be like me."

"You're the one who first told me that I was more like you than I knew." Now d'Artagnan sounded more confused than argumentative.

Athos shook his head, exasperated. "For God's sake, boy, that was years ago."

"But I never forgot it. And in all these years we fought side by side – I saw it to be true and I rejoiced it. But I am not you, and–"

"My point exactly," Athos interrupted, eager to not miss the opportunity to regain control of the conversation. "You are better than me, d'Artagnan – much better - and I wouldn't have it any other way. When I said I wish to be more like you I meant that I- "

He stopped abruptly, as if pulling the reins of a horse to avoid trampling a child, as if skidding to a halt at the brink of a cliff he didn't dare jump. He licked his lips.

If only d'Artagnan could see the irony.

"What?"

Enough was enough. Athos rose to his feet even as d'Artagnan began to protest. "Athos!"

"Leave it. We'll talk later." He began making his way towards the tent.

"Fine, but we'll talk!" d'Artagnan called after him.

Yes, they would. Athos had never specified when or about what.