I assumed others had noticed my empty ring finger, but no one had commented. I wasn't sure how to start a conversation about it with Daryl that didn't send him running, so I waited for things to progress naturally, despite my almost constant sexual frustration lately.

In the meantime, we'd started taking in new folks to the prison. Some of the Woodbury people, who had never known about the Governor's true nature, were now living in the woods, helpless, so we cleared out more cell blocks and moved them in. Daryl spent a lot of time away from the prison hunting and was usually the one to bring people back after finding them on the road. It was good to have lots of help with the farming, keeping watch, reinforcing the fences, and the restoration of the rest of the prison that needed to happen, but sometimes I missed the days when it was just our original group.

I had healed physically fairly well, but the psychological scars extended beyond nightmares. I had a hard time being alone with any men who weren't Daryl, Herschel, Rick, or Glenn and my anxiety progressed to a full-blown panic attack one night when two Woodbury men ended up alone with me in the kitchen during dinner cleanup. Thankfully Carol walked in and recognized what was happening right as I was starting to hyperventilate, and was able to clear them out without too many questions. She called for Herschel, who tried to help me breathe through it, but it took a long time for me to calm down.

The group never treated me like I was damaged though, just stepped in to make sure I didn't get into situations I couldn't handle and helped me work through it when I started to get overwhelmed. They were able to see that, despite the trauma, I was still capable and confident in my abilities. I was busy from dawn until dusk managing the day-to-day operations of the property, a leadership role I'd taken on after lengthy discussions with Rick.

We had planted the yards with crops, which were coming along nicely under Herschel and Maggie's direction. Daryl had found a couple of milk goats and a buck, so we had milk and were experimenting with making cheese. Rick had found a litter of piglets with their mother in an abandoned farm and brought them back, and Daryl regularly brought back fresh meat from his hunting trips so we were able to get enough food on the table for everyone to have at least one good meal each day. Carol did a fabulous job keeping folks busy on laundry and cleaning duty, and between the two of us we'd set up an airtight chore schedule that kept everything in order.

The only downside to having so much to organize was that people were constantly asking me to make decisions, explain things to them, tell them what to do next, or weigh in on a discussion. I loved it most of the time, and I felt like I was finally doing something I was good at, but by the end of the day, I just wanted to stop thinking. I flopped down on the bed one night next to Daryl in exhaustion, groaning, and threw my arm over my face.

"If one more person asks me a question, I'm going to scream" I muttered. "I need to just . . . need to not be in charge for two seconds." Daryl shifted, and then said, an edge of humor in his voice. "Hmm. Ya want me to boss you around?"

I wasn't quite ready for the rush of arousal that came with those words. I had found myself more and more turned on around Daryl lately, as the attack from the Governor faded, and my attraction to him grew, but the thought of his gravelly voice giving me orders in bed hardened my nipples immediately, and I could feel myself getting wet.

I inhaled shakily, not wanting to scare him off. "Sure, you can run things in here," I said, trying unsuccessfully to keep my voice light. "Just don't tell anyone I like being bossed around, or they'll never listen to me again." Daryl's voice dropped slightly. "Fine," he said huskily. "From now on yer in here by 9:00 unless you've got watch. No socks in bed. And you sleep against the wall."

I nodded, knowing Daryl could tell even though it was dark. "Okay." I slipped off my socks, and Daryl climbed over me so I was against the wall. The fabric of my shirt rubbed against my nipples, and I bit my lip. My core ached, and I didn't know how I was going to lie next to him all night without touching him.

I wasn't sure if Daryl felt the sexual tension as well, but he didn't pull me against him like normal, and after a moment he stood up. "Gonna take a piss" he muttered and left the cell. I quickly slipped my fingers under my waistband and down into the slick heat between my legs. My clit was throbbing, and I circled it quickly, twisting my nipple with my other hand. It didn't take long before I felt my orgasm build, and took myself over the edge as fast as possible, worried Daryl would come back too soon. He took his time in the bathroom though, and I had a chance to come down from my climax and wipe my sticky fingers on the sheet in between the mattress and the wall.

Daryl slid back into bed and shifted me closer to him in our usual position. I could smell sex on my fingers, but if he could he didn't indicate it, and after a few moments I relaxed and drifted to sleep.

I was writing out the menus for the next few days and making a list of things we needed the next afternoon when one of the newcomers approached me on the picnic tables outside. "Are you Ana?" he asked. When I nodded he continued, "I'm Ben, and those are my kids over there, Julie and Sam." He was well-built and handsome, with a wide smile and deep brown eyes that I was sure had won over more than a few hearts.

"It's nice to meet you Ben," I said with a smile, looking back at my list. "I hope you guys are settling in okay." "Oh yes," he said fervently. "We are so thankful to have a place here after being on the road. And you are just doing an incredible job keeping everything going like this."

"Well, it's a group effort," I responded, and he shook his head. "No. I mean, yes, everyone pitches in but you're definitely the brains behind the operation and it's really impressive. Carol mentioned that you're a lawyer?"

I laughed, "I used to be. Not something that really matters these days."

"I don't know," he said. "I think who we used to be is important. I worked for an investment company in Manhattan and not a day goes by that I don't think about that life. I'm trying to hold on to the person I was, even in the midst of this horror."

I shrugged, "I'm not sure we all have that luxury though. You guys were at Woodbury, right? That means you were pretty protected. Some of us spent most of the past year on the road."

"You're right," he sighed. "And I didn't mean it as a criticism. I just really admire what you're doing, and I think it's okay to remember who we were and try to hold onto part of that, especially when we're living in a community like this."

I nodded. "Maybe you're right," I said. "We're all just trying to figure this out and I'm not sure there's any one correct answer."

Ben caught up with me again at dinner, dropping down in the seat across from me. Daryl and Rick were deep in conversation on my right, and Ben leaned in to talk over the din. "So, have you ever been to New York?"

I was caught off guard and laughed uncomfortably. "Wow. Yeah, I just hadn't thought about that in ages. I've been a few times, actually."

"Yes!" Ben smiled at me across the table. "I figured you'd been there at some point." He pressed me for details on what I'd done, and when he found out I'd seen some shows on Broadway he gushed about all his favorites and asked me which ones I'd seen, restaurants I'd been to, people I knew. The conversation was somewhat surreal, and not entirely enjoyable for me. I felt like that life was a distant memory, and I couldn't see why it mattered whether I'd seen Wicked with the original cast or not. As soon as I could, I excused myself to oversee dinner cleanup and tried to forget about it.

I was supposed to be on watch with Daryl for the first shift of the night, but Michonne showed up in his place and said he'd asked her to take over for him without giving a reason. I didn't know Michonne well yet, but she reminded me of Daryl in some ways - cautious, intimidating, and closed off, but fiercely loyal; intelligent, and perceptive once you were trusted. I told her about the odd conversation with Ben and she nudged me teasingly. "Sounds like flirting to me," she said.

I wrinkled my nose. "Um, no. At least, I don't think so? Actually, I have no idea. I was married for 14 years and then the world ended, so I'm not really tuned into the norms of mating rituals." She laughed softly. "Well, I'm pretty sure it's flirting. But he's obviously barking up the wrong tree if so. I mean, you aren't exactly available, right?"

I shook my head. "Well, I'm definitely not interested. But I don't really consider myself married anymore."

Michonne turned to face me. "That wasn't what I was talking about. Aren't you and Dixon . . . something?"

I didn't know how to answer. "Not anything that's defined. I'd like to be but, for lack of a less cliche phrase, 'it's complicated'. I still want to go back to Oregon if this ever ends, to try and find my family. And Daryl promised my husband and kids he'd get me back there. I think the fact that he did that makes him think that it would be wrong to have some kind of relationship with me beyond friends. Or maybe I'm reading it all wrong - he's not exactly forthcoming with his feelings."

Michonne snorted, "You don't say?" After a moment she pressed, "But you are more than friends, right? I mean, I'm pretty sure you share a cell."

"Yeah," I admitted. "I've slept next to him for months, and it's hard to sleep if he's gone. But that's it - just sleep. In some ways, though, I think that's almost more intimate than a hookup or something for him. It's pretty vulnerable to totally relax around someone, at least if you're a guarded person like Daryl."

Michonne nodded, and I wondered if she was the same way. "Well for the record, I hope you figure it out. Dixon can piss me off sometimes but he's a good guy and he deserves some happiness. Plus, getting laid regularly would probably make him less of a cranky bastard."

I walked up the stairs after my shift and found Daryl was sleeping in his old perch. I hoped it wasn't because of the night before, but figured I'd survive one night on my own, even if I had to deal with a few nightmares, and I could talk to him about it the next day. He was probably getting up early to hunt and needed his sleep anyway.