I woke up a few hours later and listened to Daryl breathing in the dark. After weeks of feeling nothing but misery it was like my body had thrown all that off and moved into a phase of intense arousal. Or maybe it was because Daryl hadn't touched me in so long, all of that had built up without me realizing it.

In any case, I couldn't keep my hands still and they slid down his hips, close to where I wanted to touch him. I pressed kisses to his chest and flicked my tongue over his nipples, feeling them tighten. His hips jerked and rocked into my hand for a minute before he pulled me away. "Stop, baby," he murmured, "Y'don need to."

"I want you," I whispered. "All of you. I want you inside me so much it hurts." I didn't want to play games with him, and hide how I felt anymore. If we were going to be together, we had to rebuild some of the trust we'd had before and the only way to do that was through honesty.

"Fuck," he muttered against my lips, but he let go of my hand so I could stroke him again, and rolled over on top of me. I could see his eyes searching mine, even in the darkness, but I didn't quite know what he was looking for. He bent to suck gently on my nipples, drawing a stuttering breath from my lips, and then tugged off his boxers with one hand, and pressed himself against me, sliding against my slick thighs.

I lifted my hips toward him, but he pushed them down gently and cupped my cheek with his hand, tracing my lower lip with his thumb. "I do love you" he said raggedly, "even if I can't tell you most a the time." He pushed into me with that, and dropped his head to the crook of my neck with a groan, stilling his hips to get control. I whimpered at the sensation, and his unexpected declaration. It had been so long that I could feel myself stretching slightly to accommodate him, and every nerve ending felt like it was vibrating with need.

I ran my hands through his messy hair as he began to thrust, slowly at first, head still against my neck. A few tears slid from my eyes and I was glad he wasn't looking at me. I knew it had taken a lot for him to say those words, which I was sure he'd been taught were a sign of weakness, and I didn't want to freak him out by overreacting. By the time he pulled back to look at me, I'd wiped them away and pushed myself up with my hands so I could kiss him hungrily.

"I love you too" I said, tugging his lower lip with my teeth. "So much." He pulled me up so he was sitting back and I was in his lap, letting me ride him and take control, which he'd never done before. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, feeling him move deep within me, taking me higher and higher, and then dropped down to his chest and he rolled us back over so he could take control.

"Jesus, you're beautiful," he panted, picking up the pace and sucking at the spot where my shoulder and neck met "You should be naked all the time. Just stay here in bed, forever." I laughed breathlessly, and met his thrusts, riding the building pressure of my orgasm until it finally broke and I could feel my walls clamp around him, pulling him into his climax.

"I think I will", I said breathlessly after he collapsed to lie next to me. "You can just bring me food and water and orgasms and I'll never need anything else." A half smile played around his lips and he kissed the space between my breasts, and then my stomach. He rested his forehead there, for a minute, and I ran my hands through his hair, saying a brief prayer that he'd learn to love the baby too someday.

After a moment he laid back down next to me, and took a deep breath, clearly needing to say something difficult. "I wanna tell you . . . ya said somethin' that night 'bout how I don' let ya go down on me but I let that girl . . ." I tried not to tense up too much and nodded, turning slightly toward him. "Back before," he continued haltingly, "sometimes I'd meet someone pretty nice, who was just kinda stuck in a shitty life like me, and we'd hook up for a while. Nothin' serious, but more than just a one-night thing. But when that wasn' happenin', and I just wanted more than my own hand, I'd go to a bar, buy some trashy girl some drinks and have her blow me in the alley without returnin' the favor, like a fuckin' asshole. That's . . . I hate thinkin' about that an' I don' want ya doin' it."

I was quiet for a bit, processing that. "But it wouldn't be like that, with us. You go down on me all the time, and it would just be letting me reciprocate and make you feel good. Maybe it wouldn't remind you of that, once we did it a few times."

He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, pulling me closer. "Maybe. Don' wanna try it anytime soon though. Got enough to deal with, without more a my shitty past." I kissed his chest, relaxing into him for a few more hours of sleep, and let it go for now.