Disclaimer: I do not own South Park or any of the following characters.
NEVER HAVE I EVER
They guys had just begun to gather in a circle on the floor of Cartman's basement, at Clyde's suggestion of playing "Never Have I Ever." Everyone was prepared—solo cup of PBR in-hand—when Butters predictably asked, "How do you play?"
"Okay, so, it's like this..." Cartman said, plopping down between Kyle and Kenny; allowing himself the honor of explaining the rules of the game, as well as taking the first turn (he thought it best to teach by example). "...I say, 'Never, have I ever,' and then follow up with something I've never done. If anyone in the room has done it, they have to take a drink. So, never, have I ever..." Everyone waited as he tried to think of something that he'd specifically never done. "Um..."
"Well...?" Kyle pressed.
"Shut up, Kahl. I'm trying to think... Um... Uhhhhh—"
"Well, I'll take my turn, while you think," he said. "Never, have I ever, eaten twelve tacos in one sitting." Cartman furrowed his eyebrows at Kyle, taking a swig of his drink. Unsurprisingly, Clyde followed suit. "And that's how the game is played." Kyle directed his attention to Butters.
"Neat-o! Can I go next?"
"Sure."
"Never, have I ever... Um..." Butters tapped his knuckles together. "Oh, I know...! Never, have I ever, killed someone!" Everyone narrowed their eyes at Butters, with the exception of a certain someone.
"You have to ask more realistic questions," Kyle explained. "You can't just name something that obviously nobody's done."
"Oh..."
"I mean, who would..." Kyle trailed off, as Cartman took another sip of beer. "Yeah, right... When have you ever murdered anyone?"
"Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to, Kahl."
"Whatever... Who's next?"
"Never, have I ever, had a threesum," Clyde admitted. All eyes were on Kenny before he even took a sip.
"This game sucks," Stan complained. "I'm not getting wasted."
"That's 'cause you're not experienced enough," Kenny explained in a bragging tone, insisting he go next. "Never, have I ever... had sex with someone of the same gender."
Tweek and Craig, were the only ones to drink, but Kenny noticed the twitch of Cartman's hand—the sound of ice tapping against glass—and had to repress a smirk.
"Stan's right, this is boring," Clyde said. "Why are we playing this?"
"It was your idea," Craig reminded him.
"Oh, yeah."