A Very Merry Extraterrestrial Christmas at Castle's

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: No Vorlags were hurt in the making of this fanfic. Rating: K Time: Christmas time.

As soon as Kate turned onto Broome Street, her heart started beating faster. There, in front of Castle's building were three police cars and the unmistakable figure of Captain Victoria Gates. Kate ran the rest of the way.

"What's the problem, Captain?"

Gates turned to stare at her.

"For once it appears that Mr. Castle isn't responsible for the disaster that's taken place on his doorstep."

Kate felt that the way she used the word appears meant that Gates still expected to find Castle at the bottom of whatever this was.

"What exactly has happened, sir?"

"It involves Officer Ann Hastings. She's something of a protégé of yours, isn't she?"

Again, Kate felt that Gates meant that Ann was an accomplice of hers. But Kate just smiled.

"Yes, she is. She's quite a good officer. But what happened?"

"Perhaps you should ask her yourself."

Gates led the way to Ann's patrol car. She was sitting in the passenger seat with her feet on the pavement with an FDNY paramedic talking to her.

"Well?" Gates said.

"Lady, I done the breathalyzer on her three times. She's as sober as they come. I can draw some blood for a drug test, but based on my experience, she ain't on anything."

"I'm a captain in the NYPD and you will address me as Sir or Captain."

The paramedic smiled.

"And I'm a FDNY paramedic with sixteen days to go to retirement, Sweetie."

Kate spoke before Gates could go ballistic.

"Ann, what happened?"

"I was bringing back the notes you gave me for the detective's exam." Ann tapped a thick three ring binder on the seat next to her. "When I got out of the car, I heard something in the alley, like trash cans being banged around and something that sounded like growling. So I went to investigate. And there they were."

"What?" Kate asked.

"Three giant wolves. Huge, at least seven feet tall."

Kate had a sinking feeling she knew who Ann had seen, but couldn't let anyone know.

"Ann, wolves that were seven feet high would be the size of horses. Big horses."

"They were standing up."

"I've seen dogs and other animals stand on their hind legs. I'm sure…"

"They were wearing clothing." Ann said, interrupting Kate.

"Clothing?" Now Kate knew who it was.

"Sandals, khaki shorts, aloha shirts and Panama hats. And they had glasses in their hands…paws…whatever."

"The alley smelled of alcohol when I arrived." Gates said, glaring at the paramedic.

The paramedic held out the breathalyzer.

"You wanna do my job, Babe?"

Gates gritted her teeth.

"I'm asking sergeant McCoy to take Officer Hastings for observation at a psychiatric facility."

"I'm not crazy! I didn't hallucinate this." Ann yelled.

"Ann, you should go quietly. I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks, Beckett."

"What exactly are you doing here, Detective?" Gates demanded.

"Mr. Castle asked me to have dinner with him and his family." Kate said, which was true, but ignored the fact that she was living with Castle. "And I asked Officer Hastings to drop my notes off here."

Kate went upstairs to the loft and threw open the door.

"I know you're in here. Come out now or else. Now!"

Rick poked his head out of his office.

"Beckett, I swear, I didn't do it, and I'll never do it again. And if I did do it, it was a mistake. All my fault. Um, what's wrong."

"Not you, Castle." She barked.

"Detective Beckett?" Alexis said from the top of the stairs. "Is something wrong?"

"Yes, but you're not the wrongdoer. Now, drop the cloaks of invisibility now!"

And there suddenly appeared in the living room three seven foot tall wolflike beings, dressed as Ann had said, in sandals, shorts, aloha shirts and Panama hats. They were not wolves, of course, but Vorlags from the far off planet Vorlag.

"Hello dere, Dee-tective Beckett. An' how is youse?" said Buggsy.

"I'm angry, that's how I am. Three furry troublemakers have caused a good friend of mine to be taken to a psychiatric hospital because she saw you three in the alley outside. What were you doing there?"

"We come ta visit youse. Our little buddy, Curly, has da transporter, jus' like on youses Star Trek up an' runnin'. He was jus' a little off in our destination."

"And now, because of you, I have a friend and a very good police officer in trouble. Gates will make sure this is noted when Ann Hastings is considered for a detective's shield."

"We could drop by da precinct an' 'splain t'ings." Muggsy said, from his position hiding behind Buggsy. Puggsy was hiding behind Muggsy. The Vorlags knew what pissing off Kate Beckett would get them.

"You think that'll work?" Kate yelled.

"Kate, I have a cunning plan." Rick said.

"It had better be good."

Charlie Dobson usually didn't like chick flicks or rom-coms, but the one they had just seen was okay. Plus being with Diana Colter made it all worthwhile. He had just slipped his arm around her waist when they were stopped by something. The something was three huge, oddly dressed wolves.

"Hello dere." Said one. "If youses enjoyed dat movie, den youses is gonna love Surfing Werewolves Beach Party Blast, comin' ta a theater near youses. In da meantime, have a margarita ice cream float on us."

Each was given a plastic cup with the logo Surfing Werewolves Beach Party Blast. Then the wolves ran down an alley and disappeared.

"Not bad." Charlie said, sipping the float.

Andrea Collins hated doctors. She hadn't lived into her eighties by listening to those quacks. And their prices were outrageous. The cost of a simple pair of glasses was obscene. She did admit that her vision might be a little bad, but she knew her way around her own neighborhood.

Suddenly, a large dog blocked her way. She hated all kinds of animals.

"Get away from me, you mangy mutt." She said as she swung her cane.

At least one bystander got a photo of her chasing three oddly dressed wolves into an alley. He sold it to a local TV station.

Carlotta Dwyer was furious at the police officer.

"What do you mean they'd be hard to identify? I gave you a perfect description of the hooligans."

"Sure, lady." Said Sergeant Kowalski. "But once they take their costumes off, what do they look like?"

"I expect action on this and not a bureaucratic run around. They offered my little Jamie a drink of margarita, which is an alcoholic beverage. My Jamie is too young to be drinking alcohol. He never will. I'll see to that."

Little Jamie, all six feet, two inches and two hundred and twenty pounds of him smiled at the sergeant's partner. She was a hot chick for a cop. If he could only get his mom away so he could talk to her and go to a bar. But, that wasn't likely to happen.

Kate checked in with Captain Gates the next morning.

"It looks like the case of the felonious wolves has been solved, Sir."

"Not really, Detective. Whoever this movie company is, they have no permit for what they did. And Tory Ellis can't track the company down. But, it's not a homicide, or even a felony. Don't you have work to do?"

"Yes, Sir."

Kate was happy that Ann Hastings was no longer considered a psych case as she went back to Castle's loft late that afternoon.

When she opened the door, the place was quiet. She checked Castle's office, but he wasn't there. She wondered if he might be taking a nap and went to the bedroom. There, instead of Castle, she found a large furry form under the covers.

"Buggsy? What are you doing in Castle's bed?"

Buggsy opened one eye.

"I wuz sleepin', but I guess it's time ta git up. Could youse leave. I aint got anything on but me boxer shorts."

Kate, having no desire to see a nearly naked Vorlag, quickly left.

Soon, Muggsy and Puggsy, who had borrowed the guest room were downstairs, dressed in their usual attire: Dark suits with black shirts and white ties and a fedora pulled down over their foreheads.

Then Rick and Alexis came in.

"We were just doing some Christmas shopping." He said, holding out a shopping bag. "Now if you'll excuse us, we need to hide these."

Once Rick and Alexis were back, Kate questioned the three Vorlags.

"Just what are you three guys doing here anyway?"

"It's Christmas. Ever since dat nice hooman, John Crichton, told us all about Christmas, it's been a big holiday on Vorlag. We have two or tree a year, it's so popular." Said Buggsy.

"An' we thought, hows about spendin' Christmas wid our friends Rick Castle an' his fambly. An' da lovely Dee-tective Beckett, o' course."

"That could be kind of a problem, guys." Rick said. "Alexis and I and Kate know about you, but my mom will be here for Christmas and Kate's dad, Jim, who usually goes upstate to his cabin to be alone at Christmas will be here as well."

"Dat's great." Said Puggsy. "An' we gots lots o' neat presents fer everybody. Youses'll love 'em."

"Neat presents?" Castle said, suddenly interested. "You mean like the real, functional light sabers that Curly gave to Kate, that she pretended was evidence in a secret government case?"

"If dat's what floats youses boat."

"Castle…" Kate began.

"Well, you guys have been a big help to some friends of mine, and your buddy, Sam Spade Vorlag, helped bring down a serial killer. I don't see why we can't add you to the …"

"Dad!" Alexis said. "Are you sure about this?"

"Of course, I am, Pumpkin. We'll have a nice Christmas with the Vorlags."

"Um, we sorta said to Don Voleone, an' Don Squeaky, dat dey could come, too. An' our buddy, Curly, since he's makin' most o' youses presents. We'll jist need sumpin fer yer ma and her dad. Oh, and Curly's brothers can't come. Moe is a bartender, a really prestigious job on Vorlag, so he'll be woikin', an' Larry is an accountant fer Don Vorleone. He's getting' ready fer tax season."

"Excuse me." Kate said. "The three brothers are Larry, Moe and Curly?"

"Dat's right. Why?"

"Just curious."

All too quickly, it was Christmas Eve at Castle's loft. Rick, Alexis and Kate were there as well as their extraterrestrial guests.

Don Vorleone, known as the Vorlagfather, was in the ice cream business. Now, you might think that would be a genteel and peaceable profession. However, the Don sold his wares in the Scarren Empire, which, luckily for humans, is on the other side of the galaxy. The Scarrens are a fierce and aggressive race. This is because the Scarrens are unable to control their bodily temperatures and when the heat gets to be too much, they become angry and aggressive. However, when a Scarren warrior "gets cold", to use the current slang, they become sluggish and peaceful. The Scarren Empire absolutely prohibits the importation of ice cream. We remember what happened with prohibitions, right?

Don Vorleone's strong right paw and consigliere, was Don Squeaky. He is a huge and intimidating fellow, but don't underestimate his intelligence.

Muggsy, Buggsy, and Puggsy, known as Da Boyz, were the finest ice cream, er, salesvorlags in the Don's organization.

Last was Curly, a brilliant teenage Vorlag who had decided to build the many wonderful items of technology that humans had discovered, such as the transporter, the cloak of invisibility, cloaking for spaceships, force fields, tractor beams, and many other things, including a robotic Seven of Nine. Although he had corrected the design flaw, he had been persuaded not to build a full scale Death Star. Blowing up planets was not cool.

Don Vorleone had thought to tell young Curly that these devices were not real, but merely human movie magic. But, he thought, who knows when you might need someone to whip up a functional Death Star?

TBC