I loved him. I loved him with my whole heart, soul, and mind. I watched him retreat into the shadows as I felt my heart crumble in pain. He took everything I had with him with no remorse and left me with nothing. To say I was heartbroken would be an understatement. His abandonment brought up issues from my past that I didn't even know existed. It wasn't long after he left that Charlie stepped in, claiming it wasn't "normal" for me to be acting like this. I lost all of my friends and what little family I had left in fear of being hurt again. No one else would leave me simply because I didn't love anyone enough to care. I bounced around between therapists and doctors, many claiming I had severe depression and abandonment issues. They all said the same thing though. "Try and form a new friendship this week" or "How are you feeling since we last spoke." I don't fucking know lady pretty much the same, you never help, so just leave me alone. I never had a problem with it until now, about 1 year after he left. I was living in a shit hole studio apartment in Seattle, only leaving for work and groceries.

My dad gave up on me about a year ago when I moved out against his wishes. That was a really shitty day.

-Flashback-

"Bella you can't leave, you need to go to college and get an education," Charlie called out to me from the hall as I ran into my room to start packing. I didn't need a lot, just the essentials.

"Fuck that, I just want to get out of here! Why can't you just leave me alone, it's my choice," I said through my door as I finished packing my duffle bag.

"You're not ready Bells, please don't make the same mistakes I did."

"If I don't get out now I'm just gonna get stuck here like mom, now get out of my way!" I pushed passed him and he grabbed my arm in an attempt to stop me.

"Isabella please, if anything happened to you I couldn't live with myself," he whispered, not looking me in the eye.

"Let. Go," I shook off his hold and bolted for the front door.

"Please don't try to contact me," I said in a monotone voice. Not wanting to see his face I looked down and ran out the door, headed for my truck. I looked up when I heard my name called by a familiar, husky voice.

"Bella?" I narrowed my eyes at Jacob, who was leaning against my truck in a casual stance.

"God, you too! Leave me alone Jake, I've made up my mind, so don't even try."

"Bella, I'm not here to talk you out of going," he said calmly.

"Wait... What?" I stopped walking

"I'm here to ask you a question…" he responded, looking at his feet, suddenly nervous.

"I want to go with you Bellz…" My jaw dropped open.

"Jake you and I both know I need to do this on my own. I'm tired of always relying on someone and getting hurt because of it. It's not you. You know I love you Jake, but you can't come"

"Please Bella, it would be so good! We would be so good! I love you, I want to take care of you," he said, pushing off my truck and taking two long strides until he was standing only a couple inches away. He tentatively put his big arms around my waist and pulled me into a hug.

"I can't lose you Bellz, not like last time," he muttered into the skin of my neck. I hugged him back, but after a bit I loosened my hold on him, which only made him cling to me tighter.

"We were ten the last time I left, you didn't love me. Please let me go, you know I need this." He released her and the look in eyes was gut wrenching pain. I pulled myself away from his stare and quickly walked over to the drivers side and got in the cab. I didn't want to say goodbye. I looked at him with pleading eyes, begging him to understand, I started my truck, pulled out of my driveway and drove out of the town I once called my home.

-End flashback-

That was a long drive. I cried until I felt like I was all out of tears. After that night I lived in my truck for a couple weeks, searching for different jobs in the city. I had enough money in savings from my old job, to get me by. Finally, I landed myself a job as a library aide at a small public library in downtown Seattle. I was fully aware that gaining my full independence from Charlie would take some time, but with the little money I had I was able to afford a deposit for a shitty studio, a couple blocks from where I worked and I kept my car in the parking garage by the library, but I never used it just because I could walk everywhere. I was doing okay.

I was very clueless as to how to take care of myself, i knew I was depressed, but I couldn't afford any sort of treatment because I had no health insurance. I kept telling myself anywhere is better than there, anywhere is better than there.

I was getting ready for work today and just about to grab my bag from the small table I had in my "dining area" , when there was a buzzing from my back pocket. I took my phone out to identify the call, but it was unknown. I answered it.

"Hello, this is Isabella."

"Bells?" Anger coursed through me. Jake. I hung up the phone and slid to the floor, clutching my hair in fists in my hand. Sobs raked through me with physical pain. I was curled up in a ball on the floor crying uncontrollably, when my phone buzzed again. The unknown number again. I sat up and threw the phone at the wall, shattering it into pieces. My chest was heaving and I could control my breathing. I lay there for a couple minutes, letting my respiration return to normal, before I picked myself off the floor, gathered my stuff and trudged my way to work.

At the end of my shift I had every intention of getting completely wasted tonight. Before locking up, I went into the employee bathroom and applied some dark make-up in an attempt to make myself look older than 19. I didn't do this frequently, but when I did I went hard. Plus I didn't have work tomorrow, so I saw no problem with the idea. I walked out of the bathroom and locked up the library. Two blocks down I walked into the somewhat familiar store. I looked around and noticed the cashier smoking weed behind the counter.

"Makes my life easier," I mumbled to myself.

I picked up two bottles of vodka and walked to the cashier. He looked at me with hazy eyes and smiled. He rung me up without asking for my ID and let me go without a fuss.

"That fuck for the side effects of medical maijauana."