I woke up the next morning to lips being pressed against my forehead. I smiled and opened my eyes, but immediately shut them due to the intruding light. I groaned and I heard Jake chuckle next to me.
"Bells, I gotta get going," Jacob whispered.
"Ummk, bye," I said as I turned, over mumbling into my pillow.
"Call me when you're ready, I love you Bells."
"Love you too."
About 3 hours later I woke up feeling achy and gross. I had luckily slept off most of my hangover and I still felt nasty. I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror and winced. Ugh, my make-up, my hair. I look like I was spun around in a fucking tornato. I stripped off my clothes and headed for the shower. After that I left significantly better, but I took some more advil just in case. Now that Jake had left, I was back in my spiral.
Where is my phone? Shit! Fucking! Mother fucking shit! I'm a dumbass. I jumped up and went over to the place where I had thrown my phone. It was completely shattered beyond repair. I chucked it in the garbage and went over to my couch. God it still smelled like sex in here. I got up and opened the windows and decided I should clean and steam the couch. After I did that I picked up my shit and walked out the door.
I went grocery shopping at this small market place locally owned by a nice old woman. She was ringing up my items and we were just making normal chit chat, until she caught me off guard.
"Are you alright dear, you looked far off?"
"Yeah, I'm ok. Just a rough night."
"You know my daughter's friend is a licensed therapist and she is pretty affordable." I was taken aback by her honesty. How could everyone see right through me that easily?
"Umm, that might be nice. Do you have her contact information," I asked not able to look her in the eyes.
"Of course love." She took out a pen and paper and started writing down her email and phone number. When she was finished she handed it to me.
"Thank you," I mumbled.
"No problem, if you ever need to call someone my number is on there as well. Please do not hesitate, you are not alone," she said in a caring voice. I nodded, paid, and walked out the door with my things.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of bronze. A very familiar color. I turned in that direction, but the street was empty. I walked back to my studio to put my things alway. I had a sudden motivation to clean what I could in the small space. I took my sheets and clothes down to the laundromat, as well as cleaned my bathroom, vacuum, and clean my tiny kitchen. I was completely exhausted and passed out on the couch in the late afternoon.
When I woke up it was dark outside, but I still needed to change my laundry, so I walked down the street to the laundromat. As I walked I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being watched. Maybe I do need to call that therapist. Once I was done with that I brought everything back to my room and into its rightful place. I was feeling more organized and settled. I crawled into bed and fell into a restless sleep.
Over the next few weeks my life fell into routine again, I was trying to stay more organized and that seemed to be helping with my stress level. It had been about a month since I had seen Jacob and I was finally feeling ready to call him. I was at work, so I could use my work phone and I knew his number by heart. I dialed his cell and he answered on the 3rd ring.
"Hello," I heard his husky voice through the phone and it was comforting.
"Jake, it's me Bella,"
"Bells? How are you! Oh thank god you called, I missed you so much."
"I missed you too Jake, I was just calling to check in. How is everything?"
"It honestly could be better, Dads really sick and Doc doesn't know if he's gonna make it," I heard him sniffle on the other line.
"Oh no Jake, I'm so sorry Jake. Please tell him I said hi." An overwhelming feeling of sadness crashed over me like a wave and I started sobbing uncontrollably.
"Bells? Bells are you ok?"
"Yes, I'm fine. Give me a sec," I paused, "could I talk to him?"
"I'm sure he would love that, but doctor C has him sedated," he mumbled. Doctor C? C as in Cullen? No way Jake wouldn't.
"I'm really sorry Jake, please keep me updated."
"Of course Bells, so how are you?"
"I'm ok. You know I've been thinking about therapy, do you think that shit works,"I asked feeling kinda stupid.
"Yeah, I think so. That's great to hear, I think you should go for it."
"I might send her an email."
"That's awesome, hey look I'll come up and visit when I can, but I'll keep checking in with you."
"Sounds great Jake, talk to you later!" I ended the call and set the phone down. I was working on picking up some extra hour, so I could buy a new one, but until then, here I am. When I got off work, I went straight home, feeling exhausted and dead on my feet. I set my stuff down and threw myself into bed.
The next day I woke feeling awful. I slept till about noon,I had a headache, I was sore, and I felt sick to my stomach, so called in sick to work and made myself soup and grilled cheese, wolfing it down in minutes. I was actually hungry enough to make myself a second one. I took a shower and went back to bed.
The next couple of weeks were that on repeat, except for I learned to just go to work anyways. I thought nothing of it, just something my body was going through, so I made sure to drink lots of water and get as much sleep as I could.
I was working late one night, just returning books to their rightful shelves, when a fast blur caught my eye. I whipped my head, so fast my head spun. I clutched the shelf next to me to balance myself. I suddenly felt extremely ill. Covering my mouth I booked it to the bathroom where I threw up everything I had eaten for dinner in the toilet. I could've sworn I felt a pair of cool hands on my back, but at this point I was being downright delusional.