I woke up on soft cushions and a cool hand pressed on my forehead. My eyes snapped open and the cold on my forehead was snatched away quickly. My head spun when I sat up and I felt nauseous and sick again. I put my head in my hands and groaned. I stayed like that for a few moments and then started to remember things from the previous hour.
My hands slid down my face and landed in my lap, but instead of looking around my living area, my eyes were met with dark familiar eyes. My heart started pounding again and I was automatically filled with so much rage I could feel my face getting red and tears forming in my eyes.
"What the fuck are you doing here," I screamed, jumping to my feet.
"Get out now!" I started crying like a crazy person. Edward. Edward was here in front of me, looking like he would cry if he could.
"Bella please," he begged in the voice I missed with every fiber of my being.
"No," I cried and I started hitting him. I knew it would only give me bruises, but I didn't care. He deserved it and so much worse.
"I can't believe you have the nerve to show up here! Do you even know what you did to me," I yelled, throwing a nearby book at him. He took each blow and allowed me to get my anger out. I started sobbing with such hysteria that I collapsed to the floor. His arms caught me and sat me back down on the couch.
"Don't touch me," I said, getting my breathing under control. He immediately took his arms away and I curled myself into a fetal position. He gingerly sat next to me on the couch and took a deep breath that I knew he didn't need. I knew we needed to talk, but I didn't want him here, or even in my life. It's not that I don't love him, I don't trust him with myself anymore. He was careless enough to break me in the worst way.
"What do you want from me," I asked in a timid voice, raising my eyes to meet his.
"I want to talk, you deserve an explanation as to why I made the decision that I did," he said staring at me intensely. I felt like we were having a staring contest and I wasn't going to back down.
"I deserve more than you ever gave me," I tried to say fiercely, but my voice cracked. I put me head in between my head and tried to get my sudden dizziness to go away.
"You have no idea how much I agree with you love, " he said through gritted teeth.
"Don't call me love, you lost that right."
"I know. Forgive me. I want to explain, will you let me," he asked calmly. I nodded and he continued.
"I only left to keep you safe, it was the lesser of two evils for me. Either I could turn you into a monster, such as myself, and take away your life and your future, or I could leave and give you a chance at a happy human life. Obviously, we both know I chose the latter."
"Why didn't I get a say in MY future. Don't you think I had a right to know why. We could have talked about it and chose together, but you left me out. I'm really tired of people thinking they know what's best for me. I know I'm young, but that doesn't mean that I can't make decisions," I finished.
"Bella, you are too young to know what you will want in 5 years let alone 20. I could have taken your life away from you. You couldn't have kids or stay with your family, I could not make you make that decision," he claimed. I brushed when he mentioned kids, but I don't think he noticed.
"Like hell! I make my own decisions with my head and my body! It's not yours, therefore naturally, you don't get a say!"
"Bella, I know now what I did was wrong and I freaked out a couple weeks ago and realized what I did. I thought about it from every perspective except for yours," he looked down at his hands, "I love you and I can't express how sorry I am."
"Please don't say that to me. I don't want to hear that right now. My life is a complete shit show right now and you are just going to blow everything up more," I said. I was getting hungry, so I got up and went to my small kitchen, to make myself a sandwich. He followed me and sat in one of the kitchen chairs.
"Why do you live here," he asked curiously.
"Because unlike you, I don't have parents that can afford the fucking moon. I just wanted to get out of Forks," I said continuing to make my sandwich and refusing to look at him.
"Did something happen with Charlie?"
"No, I just didn't like being there and it wasn't healthy for me," I explained getting a bit impatient.
"And this is healthy for you," he asked. I knew he wasn't trying to be rude, but it was coming off the wrong way.
"I really don't think that is any of your business."
"I'm just trying to understand Bella," he whispered. I had finished my sandwich and had plated it.
"Why?! Why do you care," I said, taking an aggressive bite of my sandwich.
"I already told you, I lo…"
"No! What did I say about that word," I interrupted him.
"Sorry! I won't do it again I promise."
"I think you should leave." I said looking at his face. A horrified expression was now on his face and he looked like he was in so much pain I actually got worried.
"Please Bella. I swear I'll stop asking questions, just let me stay with you. I'm not asking you to forgive me today, but I can't go anywhere without you." I had never seen someone in so much pain, he looked so desperate and almost sick, but that wasn't what got me. Some sick, broken part of me still loves him and I don't think I could watch him leave again and be ok.
"Fine, but stay on the couch please." I knew that if he slept in my bad I wouldn't be able to resist be able to resist touching him and that could lead to me doing something very stupid.
"Of course. Thank you," he said sincerely. He walked over to the couch and sat down. A book caught his eye and he picked it up and showed it to me.
"Do you mind," he asked, holding up my copy of Wuthering Heights.
"Of course not," I replied.
"Um, I need to shower, so I'll be back in a sec," I said, turning red and trucking a piece of hair behind my ear. He nodded now looking fully absorbed in the book. I had finished my sandwich, so I washed my dishes and took off toward the shower.
I used my shower time to get myself pulled together. Did I still want him after everything he put me through? How did I know he wasn't just going to leave me again? I had many questions, but my number one was, how in the mother fucking hell was I supposed to tell him I am pregnant with Jacob Black's baby.