The older you get, the more secrets you keep – Yuki Judai realized this around the end of his first year in university. As children, we cannot help but want to share every little bit about our lives with others, but as we get older, in one way or another we learn to keep certain things to ourselves.
The adults in this word all keep a trove of secrets; and he was accumulating his own, one by one.
One of them was that he had his first kiss on September 19th, a Thursday, at around 5:50PM, in the Tabletop Games club room at Neo Domino Polytechnic University, with his senior, club president, friend (?) Fudo Yusei. This in itself was not a big deal, but Judai had always assumed that whenever he had his first kiss, he would immediately go around bragging about it to his friends like all the other kids around him did.
This, however, was sealed between them the moment it took place.
Because this first kiss was kept secret, however, it presented a conundrum for Judai. Picture this: it was after school in building B, in the Tabletop Games club room (so named, but in recent years they have been mainly playing a trading card game called Duel Monsters). Everyone had left, except for Judai and the president. They sat side by side at the large table in the center of the room, the glow of dusk casting orange stripes through the windowsill onto the wooden surface. Yusei tore open a booster pack, and Judai leaned in as his senior looked through the content, trying to discern the texts and illustrations beneath the holographic sheen.
"Not bad," remarked Yusei, "although most of these would work better in other decks than mine."
"I'll take that Miracle Fusion then, if you don't mind." Judai giggled as he picked out the card from Yusei's hand, and he let him. "That being said, why didn't you open it while the others were still here? I'm sure they'd be happy to trade with you."
"I figured," Yusei looked at him, and Judai was suddenly aware that he was leaning in too close. "But I always feel like I'm a little extra lucky when you're next to me."
"That's-" but Judai shut himself up. Yusei was the type of person who smiled with his eyes more than the rest of his face, so Judai could see that he was smiling even when Yusei's face drew close and their lips met. And then, of course, he closed his eyes as their kiss deepened, Yusei's hands on the back of his neck and around his waist. He effortlessly pulled Judai onto his lap, and by the time he opened his eyes again Yusei was already unbuttoning his shirt and leaving marks on his collarbone.
Because it was the only thing he could think to do in this position, Judai ground his hips down, the friction in their crotches making Yusei grunt. With one arm he swept the trading cards to the edge of the table and with the other he picked Judai up and lay him down on top. Judai hastily opened Yusei's pant button and fly, then pulled out his hard penis and stroked it gently. Yusei exhaled and for a second just stood there staring down at him with a glint of ferocity that made Judai shiver, then bent down to kiss him deeply and reach a hand into Judai's pants as well. Yusei rocked his hips back and forth so that their tips are brushing as they pleasured each other in that tiny club room, on a late afternoon after everyone has left.
Judai feels his orgasm creeping up from the pit of his stomach, so he used longer, faster strokes; he bit his lips to keep himself from moaning, but Yusei forced his mouth open with his tongue. He came to Yusei's tongue licking his ear, and a few seconds later, Yusei shuddered and released on his abdomen as well.
They stayed at the table for a bit more. Yusei brushed Judai's messy brown hair to the side and planted a kiss on his forehead, then reached for the tissue box to clean them up. After this, Judai liked to snuggle up against Yusei while the afterglow wore off until they, too, packed up and went home.
The conundrum was this: since Judai had not told anyone that he and Yusei kissed, he also could not tell anyone that they had been doing much more beyond kissing. And because them kissing and going second (and third) bases remained secrets, he could not confide in his friends this question which had been bothering him day in, day out: Why haven't we gone all the way yet?
Sometimes, when he was talking to his closest friends about completely unrelated topics, the urge would rise to start ranting that his sex life was at a standstill, that they had been doing all kinds of stuff in all kinds of places for months now, and he didn't know why neither of them was taking the initiative, and at this point he was afraid there might be a serious reason and he'd be insensitive to ask. Especially with Asuka, because she was one of the smartest people he knew, Judai sometimes had to pinch himself so that he wouldn't accidentally blurt out all of this. Instead of answers he knew he would get nothing but more and more question: You what? With whom? Since when? How did it start? Wait, you did WHAT in our club room? So on and so forth.
Keeping secrets is really troublesome.
It's not like there was never an opportunity to do it, but finals were not a good time to be worrying about getting laid. Unfortunately, finals also gave Judai an excuse to come over to Yusei's place more often. The cruel joke that was mandatory credits in Physics had given him a beating this whole semester and with the upcoming exam taking up 30% of his total grade looming in the horizon, Judai begged rather than asked Yusei to help tutor him, for real this time, he swore he would not get distracted and pull out his cards and ask for a duel.
"You did really well today." Yusei placed a steaming mug of hot chocolate on the coffee table and sat down on the floor next to him. Judai slumped on top of the pile of notes and reference books taking up almost the entire surface. He sighed, blowing eraser dust across the pages. It was already dark, and would probably start snowing later this week – these days if they stayed back on campus to make out, the sun would already be long gone by the time they were done, and anyway there was no such time to waste.
"I still don't feel like I completely get the kinetic and potential energy thing. And I still have the entire astrodynamics module to review. I'm so screwed."
"The astrodynamics section is only a small extra module at the end, so it won't be on the exam much. Don't worry, just keep working on solving these basic problems, and you'll be sure to score a passing grade." Yusei patted him on the head and he closed his eyes, allowing himself to relax into this touch. Judai reacheed for the mug and took a sip.
"Thanks," he blew the steam floating off the hot liquid, "I don't know what I'd do without you."
"You're smart and very hard working, I'm sure you would've understood everything even if somebody else were to help you study."
Judai huffed. He placed the mug back, pushed Yusei against the side of his bed, then straddled him:
"What if I wasn't talking about studying?"
Yusei chuckled and Judai kissed him. His tongue tasted bittersweet of chocolate; Yusei was not a big fan of sweets but he kissed back like he wanted to devour him. Soon his hands snaked up Judai's shirt, his fingers running down the spine and, fuck, Judai just now remembered that he had been really, really horny all week because Yusei also had his own finals to worry about, and they hadn't had the time to be together in private like this. The air in his dorm room was somewhat chilly, so, when their warm bodies pressed flush against each other like this, it was hard to think of anything but wanting more and more.
Hence, Judai was already painfully hard by the time Yusei pushed him down onto his bed and climbed on top of him. His nipples were erect from the cold. Yusei pushed his shirt all the way to his chin and sucked on them, his hands pulling down Judai's sweatpants. Judai whimpered. He ran his fingers through Yusei's dark hair when he kissed him all over and eventually placed his lips at the base of Judai's cock.
Before Judai could brace himself, Yusei swallowed him all the way to the back of his throat. He lost all strength in his legs, the pillow crumbled from the grip of his fingers. Yusei's lips slid up and down, his tongue teased the sweet spot near his tip every now and then; all the while, Judai alternated between biting the back of his hand to keep himself from screaming and breathily calling his name. When they had that first kiss, Judai was still under the impression that Yusei was the type to be reserved and stoic in his displays of affection. But every time they had a moment alone Judai would get swept away by all the surprising ways Yusei made his heart race and stars explode behind his eyelids. It surprised him, or course, but delighted him even more.
He caught Judai staring at him. Their gazes locked and he slowly drew his head up, leaving his tongue barely touching, a trail of saliva mixed with precum dripping down Judai's thigh, and this sight alone was enough to push him right to the edge, so that when Yusei took him in mouth again, Judai's body seized and he ejaculated into Yusei's mouth, who swallowed all of it and held him down while he trembled from the orgasm.
Even as he was coming down from this climax, Judai again remembered that he had been craving something else from Yusei, or rather, his body alerted him that it was the perfect time for it right now. Judai glanced at Yusei's bulge in his pants and the arousal returned in a heartbeat even though he just came.
Yusei was smiling at him in that tender way he always did. He always took these moments right after he made Judai come to admire that glow radiate from Judai's face. Judai pulled him in for another kiss, then, with his heart pounding against his rib cage, he grabbed Yusei's hand and placed his fingers at his entrance.
"Senpai," Judai's voice was shaky, and so was his hand "that wasn't enough… Please, I want more…"
Yusei froze..
Then he stammered. Then he looked away, his ears so flushed that it looked as though he had a fever. Then he hopped off the bed:
"I didn't realize it was already this late! Sorry, I have to meet with my robotics team to finalize our code for submission, our deadline's in a couple of weeks and we still have a lot to work on."
Before taking off, he gave Judai a peck on the cheek:
"Try to get plenty of rest before your exams, don't overwork yourself, okay? Feel free to stay as long as you want and lock up when you leave. I will probably have to work overnight again, but I'll message you when I'm done." And then he disappeared behind the door.
"Well, now I'm officially pissed." Judai muttered.
On the last day of their final exams it snowed heavily, but that did not put a damper on the outing that the Tabletop Games club rewarded themselves.
"I can't believe you guys dragged me all around town in this cold, and right after I just barely survived my finals too!" Sho collapsed at the table as soon as the group found their seats in the crowded izakaya. Judai flopped down next to him and immediately reached for the menu:
"What are you saying? It's because we survived finals that we gotta party! How long has it been since we all went to the game store and karaoke?"
"Still, do we have to do it all in one day?" Sho continued his complaint, but he perked up to glance at the food items. "I don't have the stamina to match you brutes."
Asuka, who took a seat on the other side of Judai, handed the menus to the rest of the table:
"I agree, it was a bit overboard. But finishing our first year of university is worthy of celebration, isn't it?" She winked at her classmates.
"Wow, look who's in a good mood today. Hey everyone, since Asuka got accepted into her dream internship and is over the moon about it, today's drinks are on her!" Judai loudly announced to Crow and Jack, who sat down opposite them, and everybody cheered (except for Jack, who stated that he needed nothing be paid for him). She rolled her eyes but smiled regardless.
Sho, Judai, and her had been friends since high school, and they were also the only freshmen in the club. Even though college life was much different from their school days, somehow or other they have managed to keep their friendship going strong. When Judai and Sho miraculously passed the entrance exam to Neo Domino Polytechnic, she was worried that they would become friendly strangers as their worlds expanded and each of them had more important things to worry about than a trading card game they used to play together. However, Asuka found herself not only staying good friends with them but also making new friends with the same interests. Most importantly, it still felt natural for them to talk about their problems with each other – a kind of trust that is not easy to build, especially as one ages – and for that, she was grateful.
Once they finished ordering, that is to say, Sho and Asuka managed to convince Judai and Crow that they didn't need to order five of every type of skewers on the menu plus a large pot of oden, Sho resumed the conversation:
"Say, bro, where's the President? Is he really not coming today?"
"Hmm? Why'd you ask me?" Judai pretended to be unfazed, even though he barely managed to swallow his water without coughing.
"Well, aren't you guys always together? I mean, I'm pretty sure you come over to his place every day."
"You're overexaggerating!" He waved his hand. "He's just been helping me study for finals a few times a week this past month."
"Wow, you got Fudo-senpai to tutor you? How lucky! Isn't he pretty busy though?" Asuka flipped her long, brown heir behind her shoulder and leaned her elbow on the table. She had, of course, already noticed that Judai and Yusei were always the last to leave the club room at the end of the day. It wasn't hard to imagine two of the biggest Duel Monsters nerds in the world having a lot to talk to each other, so she never thought much of this.
"I guess he's busy today, too. Who knows. I haven't seen him since last Friday."
This time Judai was telling the truth. Although they talked over the phone and messages, Yusei had been practically living in the robotics lab except to attend his exams. Unlike Judai, who only came to school to sleep through most of his classes and hang out with other duelists, Yusei had a lot on his plate. Not only in the Engineering department but throughout the whole school he was known as one of the most brilliant students they'd had in decades, consistently making the Dean's List and winning one award after another. There were rumors that he had received internship offers from the top technology agencies around the world and many prestigious universities were keeping PhD positions open for him. Compared to Judai, Yusei belonged to a completely different world, and even though he tried not to worry about the future, he knew that after graduation, Yusei would have a very different set of life choices laid out in front of him.
"Alright, a toast to the end of a hard-working semester!" Judai shook off this thought tugging at his heart and raised his beer glass, golden and sloshing with creamy foam on top. Everybody followed his lead. Their classes clink, a collective "Kanpai!" rang through the noisy restaurant, even though Jack was quick to throw a jab in between:
"I'm not sure some of us were hard-working at all."
They laughed and joked and ate and drank and for a moment all was merry.
A couple drinks in, Asuka's phone vibrated. She excused herself, but Crow didn't seem to notice who was listening to his overly detailed explanation of the aerodynamics of different types of plane coatings. She waited for him to finish before speaking:
"Excuse me, is it okay if a friend of mine join us? She is an alum of our school and just finished work nearby."
"Your friend works until this late?" Sho blinked through his tiny spectacles, his cheeks a tiny bit flushed underneath the wire rims from the alcohol. Asuka nodded:
"Yes, she's actually a researcher at that company that offered me the internship. She's a great person and also plays Duel Monsters so I think we'll really get along!"
"For sure! The more the merrier, right? We definitely can use a bit more gender balance over 'ere." Crow raised his glass and clinked it loudly with Judai, and both of their glasses spilled a little bit from the impact. Jack glared at them and Sho took that as a signal to keep an eye on their drinking. Being a lightweight himself, Sho had refrained from drinking too much so far but his roommate had a tendency to get carried away at gatherings like this. Right now, Judai was definitely a little bit past the point of tipsy. But it was hard to cut Judai off when he seemed to be relaxed and cheerful than Sho has seen him in months. Those finals must have been especially hard on him, he pondered, taking another sip of plum juice.
As for Asuka, she thought nothing of standing up and leaving for the bathroom at the back of the izakaya. She also taook her time returning after receiving her friend's text saying "I'm here."
By the end of the night, Sho and her would have the following exchange:
"Tenjoin A. [2017.12.21|1:03AM] Sho-kun, I think I messed up big time."
"Marufuji S. [2017.12.21|1:07AM] Me too...T-T"
But that was already tomorrow, and today's story was still unfolding at the small but bustling izakaya nestled between a rice cracker shop and a secondhand bookstore, approximately five hundred meters away from the station. The story was unfolding when Asuka returned to her group at their table and spotted her friend Aki already seated between Crow and...the club President?
"Senpai?" She called out to her friend, who had her back turned to her. Aki turned around and immediately stood up to give her a hug.
"Asuka-chan! How are you doing?"
"Very good, and you? I'm so glad you're joining us!"
Asuka returned to her seat and Aki followed to sit next to her. All of a sudden Asuka noticed that the table was awfully quiet. Everybody was looking everywhere but each other, and when she turned back to Aki she was met with an awkward smile.
"President, you're here too!" She addressed Yusei. "I thought you couldn't make it today."
Yusei, who was taking off his heavy biker jacket dotted with flakes of white snow, nodded in their direction.
"We finally finished testing and I ran into Aki on my way here, so we came together."
"Oh my! You two know each other?"
"Yep, and me and Jack too, because we were actually friends back when she was still at our school!" Crow chimed in. Yusei added:
"She transferred to a different school after our second year, so you guys don't know about her, but she also used to be a member of our club."
Asuka clasped her hands together:
"What a coincidence! I got to talking with her because my professor knew I was applying to the company where she works. Senpai has given me so much guidance with the internship."
"Please, I haven't done much at all." Aki chuckled and places a hand on her shoulder. The scent of roses wafted through the air every time she moves and cut through the stench of smoke and alcohol. "I'm really glad to hear that the club has gained so many kouhais, back when I was there it was just us four and another person. It's a pleasure to meet all of you."
The waitress brought another round of drinks to the table, and finally the tension dissolved as they toasted and drank again. Due to his nervousness around Aki's presence and the unending flow of conversation, Sho forgot that he was set out to keep watch on Judai, and before he knew it, his roommate had turned into a slobbering mess of a blackout drunk next to him. Judai reached for the bottle of soju but Sho snatched it away:
"Bro, enough already, you still need to get home after this!"
"Hmmm?" Judai was struggling to keep himself upright, but he stubbornly leaned on the table to try to grab it from his hand. "No worries, hic- it's a celebration…"
"Seriously…" Sho groaned.
"I'll take care of him." Yusei sat down on the other side of Judai. He gently pulled the hammered freshman up and guided his head to rest on his shoulder.
"Senpai~~~~" Judai spread his arms and wrapped them around Yusei's neck, too far gone to remember that the rest of the club, plus a guest were still right there. "You came to, hic, rescue me? I was getting kinda lonely you know heh heh heh…"
Sho wanted to die from the secondhand embarrassment. He wanted to tell Judai to quit it, don't you remember how strict President is? He's gonna yell at you! Or worse! Glare at you with those cold steel eyes! But against his expectations, Yusei smiled bemusedly as he cradles Judai's face:
"Yes, yes, I am here, so please try not to pass out so soon. You still have to tell me how well you did in Physics today."
Not knowing what to make of this, Sho did what everyone does when they feel awkward at a social gathering: check his phone.
"Oh no! It's already this late?" He exclaimed. This prompted Asuka to look at her wristwatch:
"You're right, it's already close to midnight! Time sure flies when we have a lot to talk about."
"What's the rush? You're done with finals right?" Crow, also hopelessly drunk, waved his chopsticks in the air. "Let's party all the way 'til morning!"
"Sorry, but I still have to go to school tomorrow to submit my progress report." Sho reached for his coat. "Besides…I don't think my bro here can take any more." He glanced at Judai, who had now passed out on top of Yusei. Jack abruptly stood up:
"The kid's right, we should head home. You too, Crow, you've drunk way too much already!"
So despite Crow's weak protests, they called for the check and began gathering their stuff.
"It's a good thing we're pretty close to the dorms." Asuka puts on her gloves, then paused. "Wait, Izayoi-senpai, you live far away, don't you? When does the train stop running?"
Aki held up her cell phone:
"Half an hour ago. But it's okay, I'll call a taxi. I just had so much fun that I totally forgot!"
"Yusei, did you bring your motorbike today?" Jack suggested. Yusei was still sitting on the floor, trying to put Judai's jacket on him. He glanced at the unconscious boy in his arms:
"Yes, but…"
"We'll get him home." Sho volunteered. "It's dangerous to take a passed-out person on the back of a motorbike anyway."
Yusei hesitated for another second, then nodded.
"Alright, sorry to trouble you."
Judai woke up in his bed, still wearing the same clothes. He glanced at the clock. 12:38AM. His head was spinning and it was hard to move without feeling like passing out again, but he felt awfully thirsty and nauseated at the same time.
"Bro, you're up?" At the sound of Sho's voice and footsteps, hee turned to see his roommate hand him a glass of water and some pills. "How do you feel? Here, take this, it'll help with your hangover."
"Nghhhh…" Despite the awful sensations, Judai forced himself to sit up and took the medicine along with the entire glass of water in one go. He squinted at Sho through blurry eyes:
"How did I get home?"
"I took turns with Asuka to carry you. Atlas-senpai also had to bring Crow-senpai back. Man, he was cranky!"
"What about Yusei?"
"Yusei? Oh, you mean President? He took Izayoi-senpai home because her last train already left."
"I see."
Judai hugged his knees. Then he wrapped his arms tighter around himself. Then tears started to stream down his face. All of this happened in a span of twenty seconds, so when Sho placed the glass back on the table and returned his attention to Judai, he yelped:
"Wh-what's wrong, Bro? Do you feel sick?"
"Sniff No…" Judai wiped his face with his sleeve but it only makes a bigger mess, so he buried his face between his knee, letting the tears soak through his jeans.
Sho sat down on the bed next to him.
"Did something happen? I don't know if I can help with anything, but you can tell me if it's bothering you."
Another few seconds of silence punctuated by sniffles, then Judai spoke softly:
"Say, what do you think about Izayoi-senpai?"
"I think she's...nice?" Replied Sho, cautiously.
"She's pretty, isn't she? They do look good together, you were right."
"Wait, wait, what do you mean 'you were right?' What did you say to him?" Asuka interrupted Sho. It was noon the next day, and Judai was still out cold, his blanket tangled around his legs and his stomach wide open. Sho was on the phone sitting on his bed on the other side of the room, recounting the events the night before with her.
"Oh, right, you weren't there when it happened. You see, when Izayoi-senpai arrived, it was actually President who led her in. So I thought he might have brought his girlfriend, because they'd make a nice looking couple. That's what I told them a little bit after they sat down."
He heard nothing but a long, heavy sign on the other end
"Look, I didn't know! I thought they had a weird reaction to that but since everyone just moved on I didn't think anymore of it!"
"Well, whatever, so what did Judai say next?"
"He started to tell me some weird stuff, it went something like this:"
"You know, I actually had my first kiss a while ago." Judai lay down onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. He noted that their room had too much blue light, and it was hurting his eyes.
"You did WHAT? With WHOM? Where and when?" Sho exclaimed, and Judai laughsed
"Ahh, that was such a relief. I'm not very good at keeping secrets, so this is so much easier. Well, I guess now I can tell you this too: we've been intimate a lot of times, but we still haven't had sex yet. And I was beginning to think that it's something wrong with me."
Sho felt his ears burn up with embarrassment, and he had hundreds of questions to ask, but watching Judai, whom he respected with all his heart, looking worn down and battered like this prompted him to push them all aside aside.
"So that's why you've been feeling down? Your relationship ran into problems?"
"It's not that it ran into problems," Judai covered his eyes with his forearm to shield his burning eyes. He knew he was still slurring a bit, but he had been thinking these thoughts for so long that they flowed out of his mouth like a per-recorded conversation, "rather, it's been going so smoothly that I forgot how different we are, and that things might not work out no matter how hard I try."
Sho did not know what to say to this, for he knew not what in the hell Judai was talking about. Too much data was missing, and it was frustrating him to feel that he was unable to help. He approached carefully:
"Do you...like this person?"
Judai peered at him from under his hand:
"Yes. A lot."
"Well then, isn't that enough? Since you two have been doing…stuff… they must also like you a lot. Isn't that enough to feel reassured?"
As soon as he finished the sentence Sho became conscious of how naive he sounds, but Judai's mind was preoccupied with something else.
Does Yusei like me? He pondered, his brain shrouded in a mist. Hold on, he has never told me his feelings, nor did I. Not even when we kissed for the first time. We were just by ourselves in that club room, and the atmosphere was right, and it just…happened. The we just kept going from there. What even is our relationship? Is this why he can't do it with me? Because he actually doesn't like me at all? I got complacent because I assumed he a least liked doing all that with me, but...
Tears filled up in his eyes and poured like waterfalls again. His nostrils clogged and he struggled a little to breathe while sobs welled up from his chest.
"I'm such an idiot." Judai told Sho. or maybe he was just talking to himself at this point. Sho was freaking out to see Judai crying even harder than before and went to fetch the tissue box. "I'm such an idiot, no wonder he wouldn't look this way. Of course it couldn't have been me…"
"Listen, try to drink some more water and go to sleep." Sho handed him the tissue, which Judai grabbed and blew his nose into it. "I don't know what's going on, but I think you'll feel a little better when you wake up."
"You're right...thanks." Judai smiled and in the next moment he was out again like a light.
When Judai woke up again, he pretended to be asleep for another while, because out of the corner of his eyes he saw Yusei's silhouette by his bed. He sat perfectly still, like a statue, his glasses reflecting lines of text scrolling down his screen. The curtains were drawn over the window, so the blue light from the laptop made him glow in the darkened room, from the tall bridge of his nose to the shadow that his jawline cast over his neck to his long fingers moving swiftly over the keyboard. In Judai's chest something like the feeling he'd get when he watched the sun rise over a lush, green valley arose and overwhelmed the anguish idling inside of him, and he wondered if he pretended to sleep forever, would Yusei stay right where he was, however long it would take for him to wake up?
Actually, he could not get up, because he began recalling all the things he said and thought last night, and he couldn't bear to face Yusei with such petty feelings in his heart. His eyes were still stinging from the dried tears but he just wanted to keep lying there watching Yusei until the sun came down again.
Eventually, however, his bladder won the battle and he stirred. Yusei immediately came to him and kneeled beside the bed:
"You're awake? How do you feel?"
"...Awful." He pushed the blanket off and tumbled toward the bathroom. Yusei quickly caught him:
"Easy now. I made some food, take a shower then come eat."
Judai let the stream of hot water wash over him. His body ached all over, especially his stomach. The scent of soap soothed his head, but it also contrasted with the nasty aftertaste in his mouth. Outside, he could hear the sound of bowls and plates clinking, and the microwave oven beeping.
"This is bad." He mumbled, half-heartedly punching the tiled shower wall. "I'm seriously head over heels in love with him."
Pan-fried salmon. Stir-fried eggplants. Sweet rolled eggs. Salad. Pickles. Steaming hot miso soup with wakame. A glass of salted lemonade as hangover remedy. As Judai filled his starving belly, Yusei watches him intently, with a subtle softness in his expressions.
"What is it?" Judai asked.
"What?"
"You're staring."
"Oh, sorry, I was just really worried about you. Are you sure you feel alright?"
Judai lifted the bowl of soup and takes a big sip, then sighed with satisfaction:
"It's delicious! Thank you."
While doing the dishes, Yusei felt Judai's arms warp around him and his head rested on his shoulder. The scent of his shampoo beckoned Yusei to instinctively lean into him. His embrace tightened. He said nothing.
"Do you have any plans for the winter break?" Yusei's breath laced through Judai's wet hair.
"You know I haven't had time to think about that." Judai whined, even though his feet began rocking back and forth in anticipation of what Yusei would say next.
"Well, make sure to keep Christmas and New Year's Eve free."
"Why?"
"You'll find out then."
Judai nuzzled his face into Yusei's back, feeling the firmness of his muscles and the valley of his spine. Yusei didn't use cologne or perfume, but Judai still couldn't get enough of the combined scent of his sweat and the lingering hint of body wash. When he spoke it spread throughout Yusei's skin like waves in the ocean:
"What about today?"
Yusei turned off the water and wiped his hand on a towel. Wordlessly he turned around, picked Judai up, and sat him down on the kitchen counter.
"What about today?" His hands found the curve on Judai's waist. He stopped mere inches away, the last syllables bounce off his tongue teasingly. He knew it drove Judai crazy when he talked like that, and he knew it was unfair, but he couldn't help it.
Judai traced his finger along Yusei's lips and gazes into his deep, blue eyes:
"I was thinking, yesterday…"
Riiiiiinggggggg
They both jumped. The counter vibrated from Yusei's phone, and he glances it, annoyed, but picked up anyway.
"Sorry, just a second. Hello?"
Judai seems unfazed, although his hands retreated to rest on the counter top. He couldn't hear the other end of the conversation but they said something that made Yusei's eyes go wide:
"The processor? Who did? How? Well, shouldn't we have a spare?" He pinched the bridge of his nose and shifted his weight to the other foot. "Okay, I get it, I'll be right there. Tell them to go take a breather. And DON'T touch anything else!"
Yusei hanged up and for a moment said nothing, merely sighed a long, long sigh while he looked down to the ground. Judai prepared himself for the news:
"I'm so sorry. They somehow managed to destroy the command center of our machine. It's months of work to program it and I TOLD them we needed to make a backup but…" Another exasperated sight. "Anyway, I need to go. Will you be okay?"
"Yeah, don't worry about me." Judai smiled and kissed Yusei on the forehead. "Your team needs you. Go and rescue them."
Yusei hugged him tight enough to lift him off the counter and onto the ground:
"Really, I'm sorry, I will make it up to you." They shared a deep kiss, then Yusei gathered his belongings, put on his jacket, and headed for the door. Just as he was about to reach for the handle, Sho opened the door and all but jumped at the sight of Yusei at the doorway.
"Oh, h-hi President. You came to visit?"
"Hi Marufuji-kun. Yes, I was just checking on your roommate, but I need to go now. Let's talk another time, see you!"
The door shut behind him, Sho greeted Judai, who was still standing in the kitchen area with his face looking like a crumpled origami piece:
"Bro, you're finally up! How are you feeling?"
"I'm totally fine, I told you I can hold my alcohol." Judai beamed, even though it was clear his facial muscles were straining to deliver this cheerfulness.
"You...don't look 'totally fine' though…" Sho commented, feeling unsure, but then decided to press: "Did something happen with the President?"
"What? No! He just came to check on me and had to leave due to an emergency." Judai waved his hand dismissively. He walked to the stove and grabbed a mug. "Want some coffee?"
It wouldn't be until three days later that Yusei finally emerged from the vortex that was his lab. In the future, when Yusei Fudo has become a widely respected Computational Engineer, a magazine interviewer will ask him: "What's the biggest challenge you have ever faced in your career?" and he will reply: "I can't help but recall that time one of my teammates in university managed to destroy our core processor, when we had only two weeks left to hand in our prototype."
But that, again, is well into the future. Presently, a little after midday of December 24th, Yusei Fudo was barely able to stand due to sleeplessness, his back sore from hours upon hours hunched over the soldering table, and on either side of his nose was a red mark that the lab goggles have imprinted onto his skin. He was also knocking on a dorm room door, with more haste and force than he normally would.
The door opened and Yusei didn't even bother to hide his disappointment when it was Sho who answered.
"Oh, hi President. What's up?"
"Hey Marufuji, is Judai home?" He was a little out of breath and steaming in his jacket, even though it was freezing outside.
"Bro? No, he's been out since early morning."
"What? Where did he go?"
"I don't really know." Sho shifted nervously. "I asked him if he had any plans for Christmas Eve, and he said he was going on an adventure."
"Adventure?"
"Yes, I asked him if he was going alone, but he didn't tell me. Although it looks like he packed an overnight bag?" Sho offered hopefully, and panicked when Yusei appeared even more distraught than before and slinked down on the ground.
"Uh-uhm, President? Did something happen?"
"No, nothing…"
Yusei sat there, obstructing the hallway while he thought. Analyzing facts and possibilities was hard, however, when thoughts and emotions were racing around in his head. Most of which were self-blaming.
"Hey, Asuka-chan?" Yusei didn't notice Sho pulling out his phone and dialing a number. "He's here. Yes. What should I do? But I don't want to mess up anymore… Yes, you're right. Yes. I will. Thanks."
Sho kneeled down to Yusei: "Hey, President, I don't know if it's my place to say this, but… I have a feeling he wants you to come find him."
Yusei snapped his head up:
"How?"
"I'm not sure, but maybe if you hear this you'll know where to find him."
Let us take our mind off this scene for a moment and pay attention to another important event that took place two days ago, which Sho was currently recounting, although in a much more concise manner.
Two days ago, Judai, Sho, and Asuka went to see a new movie together. Afterwards, they took a little stroll through the park and picked as bench to sit down and chat. When Judai left to buy them drinks from the vending machine nearby, Asuka leaned into Sho and discreetly asked:
"How has he been?"
"He's been completely normal." Sho replied after glancing at Judai to make sure he couldn't hear them. "I don't think we need to worry too much."
"I see." Asuka sighed. "But it's not actually him that I'm the most worried about. It's the President."
"How so?"
"Well, I know this can just mean nothing, but…" Asuka cleared her throat. "Apparently they used to date."
"Who? President and-?"
"Yes, that's what Crow-senpai told me. But they broke up because she wanted to focus on her career. So maybe she still has feelings for him."
"And you think President might still have feelings for her?"
"I don't know! I saw them at the cafe outside the lab." She fiddled with her thumbs with a sad look. "I think...at least Izayoi-senpai has that intention. And Yusei senpai doesn't seem too put off by it."
"How do you know?"
"It's a girl's intuition, I suppose."
"This blows," Sho puffed his cheeks, "Bro would be so heartbroken."
"Why would I be heartbroken?"
Judai pressed the cans of drinks on their cheeks and they yelled.
"B-bro! You heard me?"
"Yeah."
"Since when?"
"Shortly before the "intention" part." Judai smirked bemusedly. Asuka and Sho blushed.
"Judai! I know it's not my place to butt in, but-"
"You're wrong."
Asuka glanced at Sho, who also looked at her, then turned back to Judai:
"What do you mean?"
"You're wrong. How I feel about this will not be determined by how Yusei feels about me. Even if he doesn't like me, I would still like him. Even if he likes somebody else, that won't change the fact that I like him."
Sho scratched and pinched at his blue hair:
"I'm sorry…for not realizing sooner. We're always together but for some reason I never knew how you felt. I hurt you with my words."
"Me too, Judai, I shouldn't have…"
"No, guys. I want to say 'thank you.'" Judai took his seat in the empty space left on one end of the bench, next to Sho. He popped open his drink and flashed one of his signature smile.
"Thank us? For what?"
"Thank you for hearing me out, even though it must be difficult to understand. I was holding on to that secret and it was tiring me out, it's just not my thing, you know? But I was able to tell you my troubles and it made me feel much better. I would still be doubting myself if I didn't."
Judai clenched his grip around the aluminum can and suddenly the tone of his voice became solemn:
"Even if...even if Yusei-senpai hates me, I still won't give up on him. Because I believe in him and I believe in myself. I'll always give him one more chance, then one more chance, then however many chances it takes, to fall for me!"
Asuka stood up, her brows furrowed in concern:
"But, Judai, that's…"
"Oh no," Judai hid behind his hands and cowered, "I said it myself, but that was so embarrassing! Ugh! But I meant what I said."
Sho giggled and placed his hand on Judai's arm:
"We know, Bro. It wouldn't be you, otherwise."
Yusei stared at Sho, perplexed.
"President? Does that...give you any clue?"
Yusei bit on his finger, deep in thought for a split moment, then abruptly stood up.
"I think I know." He had already marched a few steps down the hallway when he answered. "Thanks." Then he took off sprinting, the thumping of his boots quickly receding into the distance.
"You're welcome!" Sho shouted after him. He fidgeted nervously at the door for another moment, then retreated back into their apartment.
By the time Yusei reached the beach on the island, the sun had already disappeared behind the horizon, only its warm, pale glow tinted the sky like a bruise. Winter swelled in the clouds, promising snowflakes amid cold winds. It was off-season for this touristy town, so business was dead. The few food stalls planted in the sand with their rolled-down metal screen doors glowed in the dying light. In the distance the water front glimmered, unperturbed by the waves that broke into the shore carrying white foams. And above this scenery, with his back turned to Yusei and his face towards the sea, the light absorbed into his figure, like a spore sucking in the moonlight in a night forest, was Judai.
He heard Yusei but he didn't turn around until Yusei came to stand next to him. The ocean surface turned into sparks of flames when reflected in his brown eyes. The wind blew their hair to and fro. Yusei noticed Judai was not wearing a scarf or gloves.
"How did you know I wanted to take you here?"
"Maybe I shouldn't have, but…" Judai placed a finger over his lips. "I saw you booking the room."
Even in this overwhelmingly warm glow, he could see how flushed Yusei got.
"Sorry…I know we haven't been able to spend much time together, and yet…"
"Don't worry." Judai pressed his lips together, maybe smiling, maybe not. "It was my fault for expecting more…I know I don't stand a chance."
"What?" Yusei abruptly stepped in front of him. "Judai, I love you! I know it was my fault…"
"No, it wasn't your fault." Judai voice cracked. "That's the problem, it's not your fault that things just don't work out; it's not my fault either. Sometimes it's nobody's fault. In life some choices are just easier than others."
"So are you saying that it's better to make the easy choice just because it's easy?"
Judai said nothing. Yusei grabbed his face:
"Tell me, do you think you're the difficult choice? Because it's so easy for me to choose you every day. I made the wrong choice in not telling you, but nothing I have done with you is out of impulse or a lie." He swallowed with difficulty. "I couldn't go all the way with you, because...I was afraid of figuring out how you truly felt. I don't want you to just do it with someone you're not in love with. I know it's stupid! Bur...I don't want to be the source of your regret."
Tears streamed down Judai's face. They wet the palm of Yusei's gloves. It felt warm yet offered little comfort to the chilling fear grasping at Yusei's heart.
"I didn't know you were capable of being afraid. After all, aren't you everybody's hero, always rushing to their rescue?" Judai tried to avert his eyes once again, but Yusei wouldn't let him:
"I'm not!" His breath, urgent and sincere, painted the frigid air with white mist. Judai felt his fingers shaking against his cheeks and it stabbed him too. "I'm just a human! But I've always admired how brave and straightforward you are. It's one of the things that made me fall in love with you. So if you have something to say about me, don't just say it to other people. Please say it directly to my face! And remember that no matter what you say, I'm not giving up on you."
Judai bit his lower lips and quivered. Then he unceremoniously dropped his face into Yusei's chest.
"Damn it, why do you always say everything so seriously? I'm dying from embarrassment here, jeez…"
"I-" Yusei was interrupted by a kiss. The wind swirled through the gap between them, but he didn't feel cold. Not anymore. Judai's hair tickled his face.
"The hotel's not far from here, is it?" He licked his lips innocently.
Yusei nodded.
"Don't worry about that." Judai pulled off the condom that Yusei was putting on his fingers. "I've made preparations…"
Yusei choked.
"You didn't know if we would meet...but you prepared yourself?"
"I know! I'm pathetic aren't I?" Judai exclaimed and hid his bright-red face with his arms. Yusei pushed them apart and looked into Judai's eyes:
"Not pathetic...But you'd better not rile me up anymore than you already did, otherwise I don't know what I will do."
Where did he learn to talk like this?! If any of the club members hear the things he says sometimes they will pass out from shock! Judai thought but did not say this out loud. He lifts his hips to let Yusei pull both his pants and his underwear off, and gasped when he felt a warm, wet tongue pressing against his entrance and swirling around.
"W-wait!"
Yusei poured a hefty amount of lube on Judai:
"Sorry, I can't let you run away from me again." His finger slowly entered his hole. "It was my mistake to hesitate last time, I won't leave you any room to doubt this again."
The first finger moved comfortably, so he inserted his second. Judai's hands grabbed the bed sheet. Why does it feel good already? Yusei was not only stretching him but taking his time to explore and touch everywhere inside of him. He felt more naked than he ever had been. When those fingers moved faster, it makes more and more obscene sounds, and they make Judai softer and wetter, until, finally, Yusei's third finger slid in. The cramping feeling halted his breath, but the amount of fluids helped them move with ease.
"I think I'm ready." Judai grabbed Yusei's hands when he felt the spark.
"...Okay."
Yusei took off his shirt and unbuttoned his pants. Judai shuddered at his figure, seeing strength in his muscles and imagining that strength used on him. With his lubed fingers Yusei stroked himself. Judai reacheed down to touch him, and guided him towards the entrance. Yusei's cock slowly slid in; he stared at the place they were joining as if he needed to see it to believe it. Judai took a deep breath, trying to accommodate all of Yusei's girth and length. Even when Yusei was staying still, his insides awee already tingling.
When he was in all the way, Yusei let out the breath he had been holding. Inside of Judai was warm and wet and throbbing, and fit oh so perfectly, as if it had waited to welcome him for so long. Wanting to make this last, Yusei pulled out then pushed in slowly. But when Judai reacted to his every move with moans and contracted his muscles, it tempted Yusei to push his limits, to see if Judai could take all that he had to give. He licked Judai's nipples and planted plenty of love marks all over. He couldn't stop staring at Judai's toned abdomen and the way his abs shift under pale skin every time Yusei hit that spot near the front, his pink, pulsing entrance where Yusei's dick kept appearing then disappearing, his fingers shaking, clinging to the white pillow, and his eyes, watery and glazed, telling Yusei without words that he felt so, so good.
Yusei touched the tip of Judai's cock and smeared his precum around. Judai bucked his hips up, even though he begged when Yusei began stroking him:
"Don't, it feels weird...feels too good...I'm gonna cum!"
"Let me see it. Let me see you come." Yusei bent down to kiss Judai, their tongues haphazardly caressing each other. He pinned Judai down by the back of his legs and pounded into him. Unable to escape, Judai let out his erratic moans into the damp air of the hotel room. They had left the light on, he realized; but he didn't have the time to worry about how he looked, because every time Yusei rubbed against that that spot that made him see sparks and stroked his cock, the pleasure built up like a looming avalanche. His whimpered got louder and more frequent, until his toes curled and his semen shot up, reaching as far as his cheeks. His cries echoed between the walls and hung in the thick, damp air of the room.
Judai was still trying to catch his breath when Yusei flipped him around and kneeled behind him. He pulled Judai's hips up and pressed his way back in.
"Sorry, just a little more…" He groaned when Judai's warmth embraced him again. This time he went right back into a fast and deep rhythm, and Judai bit down hard on his forearm. The tip of his cock was rubbing against the bed sheet, and it was almost too much, but in this position Yusei is hitting a whole different spot and he didn't want to let go of this feeling. Yusei's hot breath lingered on his ears, mingled with breathy calls of his name.
"Judai...Ahnn...Judai…I'm gonna come, too..." Then Yusei's hands gripped Judai's hips tightly. Judai felt him pulsing and warm liquid oozing out inside of him. He stroked himself a few more times and came again, this time without ejaculation. His spasms of ecstasy squeezed Yusei's semen out and it dripped onto the sheets, staining the pure white linen.
They remained like that for a few more breaths, and even as he was floating through his own afterglow Yusei held onto Judai and planted small kisses all along the boy's neck. Judai rolled over:
"At least," splayed out on the sheets and covered in both of their cum, Judai grinned at him, "that was worth the wait."
Yusei laughed and pulled him in close.
"If you still have the energy to joke, surely you're ready for round two."
"What? Wait!-"
"When I saw how determined you were, it encouraged me too." Asuka placed her teacup onto the saucer with a clink. "So I gave a Christmas present to Izayoi-senpai and told her my true feelings." The rare winter sunshine pierced through the window of the cafe. She felt safe talking at a normal volume, shrouded in the hum and chatter of many other customers.
"...And?" Sho leaned over the table in anticipation. Asuka turned away and blushed:
"I guess I have a chance!"
"Hey, I knew you could do it!" Judai pumped his fist in the air.
"What about you Bro? What did you and President do on Christmas?"
He scratched his ear and grinned:
"Not telling! Well, maybe I will tell you someday."
"Tell them what?" Out of nowhere, Yusei was standing right next to him. Judai jumped, but before he could even say hi, Yusei lifted his chin and kissed him deeply.
"What are you doing?" When Judai broke free, his face was red like a tomato.
"Greeting kiss."
"That's not- Why did you do that?"
"Because I wanted to." Yusei replied in all seriousness, the implication being that that was all the explanation Judai was going to get. Judai made his best effort to look anywhere but in the direction of his friends, who had turned into stone in the background of this rom-com scene.
"What kind of reason is that? What if somebody sees?"
"What if they see?" The steely glint in Yusei's eyes was unflinching. "I told you, no more secrets. I don't want us to have any more misunderstandings." He took the empty chair next to Judai and laced their fingers on the tabletop: "Is that okay with you?"
Judai gulped and nodded bashfully.
"...Yeah, I agree, no more secrets."
"Although," Sho interrupted, "come to think of it, I don't really want to know what you were up to on Christmas anymore."