A vivid set of green eyes glared at Nick through the gloom; the seemingly disembodied entity flitted back and forth over several paces in agitation. Closer and closer, they approached his position in the meadow. Barks and guttural snarling began to echo across at him. Nick knew he was close to the end here. But he loathed this so much.
Karma must truly despise me to sentence such a punishment.
Strong hind legs propelled him towards the being on all fours. Nick could never control the fear that he felt in this place; the tears that would pour forth from his eyes. If his savage state at the museum hadn't been so vivid, he would have believed that this was some kind of digital simulation. Unfortunately, it was all too real for Nicholas Wilde.
The tears were a testament to that. Nick ran harder until the adversary cleared in his vision. An identical fox. Himself. The fur of the savage fox was matted, patches ripped out in places, covered in patchy-dried mud. And, his muzzle was saturated in the deepest shade of crimson from a recent kill. The visual sent the worst bolt of fear and dread through Nick every time he saw it. The stench of blood churned his guts as it tainted his nostrils. It was her gore painted across the savage's muzzle. It set a wildfire of rage loose within him.
"Nick!" The choked whisper echoed in his head.
The two foxes clashed together with an audible thwack that reverberated around the meadow. Nick could feel teeth in his hind leg as he latched onto the side of the savage todd's neck, yelping helplessly in pain all the while. He could taste two types of blood in his maw before he began to whip his head back and forth to tear the skin of his adversary. The fear started to rise in his chest, anticipation of the next step. As soon as the savage fox yelped, the area was plunged into darkness and Nick fell, howling, into the abyss.
It is a terrible thing for the mind to have a mechanism that makes you feel like you are falling while in REM sleep. The thrashing fear of a sudden death is a horribly shocking experience; in a place where you assume things are supposed to be relaxing and reassuring for you. Nick came out of it every time whining and yowling as he thrashed against the bed that he laid in. The room was permeated by the smell of fear and sweat as his fur clung damply to his lean frame. His breathing rattled and gasped forth as he sat up quickly, clutching the sheets to center himself in his newfound state of consciousness. Nick began to realize that someone was knocking on his door earnestly; his ears angling to the sound to confirm it.
"Fuck." He said quietly, glancing up at the ceiling.
Once everything came together, the todd grabbed his shirt and threw it on to answer the mammal at his door. He didn't bother to button it up as he made it way out of his room and across the living quarters. Flicking the dead-bolt to the unlocked position with a claw, he opened the door. The clock over the stove glared a 3:13 AM notice from across the kitchen. Nick sighed but let a heavy smile set on his muzzle as he looked down at Tracy Hudson, the red squirrel landlord, who returned a sad smile of her own.
"Miss Tracy. Come on in." Nick said, standing aside for the smaller mammal's entry.
As usual, the female waited for Nick to turn his back before hunching down and leaping on top of his head. Tracy laughed as she caught ahold of one of his triangular ears in her small paws. The todd closed the door with an admonishing chuckle.
"You know… If I had a girlfriend or a mate, she'd be pretty miffed that you hang all over those." Nick said as he walked over to the dining room table and sat down.
Red squirrels were highly territorial, so it never seemed to bother Tracy one bit to emphasize that the building was her domain but that she would take care of all her tenants ferociously. Tracy had gone as far as moving Nick and another tenant around, after his first bouts of PTSD-induced nightmares cropped up, so that he was directly across from her own flat. Nick had always been grateful for her help and in awe of her tenacity.
"Well, Mister Doritos," Tracy said matter-of-factly, giving one of his ears a hug before hopping down onto the tabletop to take a small seat that he had bought for her. "If you had a girlfriend, I'd tell her to stick her complaints up her nose."
The todd scoffed and rubbed his muzzle a bit.
"And, how are you supposed to get a boyfriend if you're always smelling like sweaty fox?" He asked, poking her chest gently. "Hm?"
The doe squirrel released a chittering laugh before winking. "Don't worry about that. I get laid more than enough for the both of us." Tracy bragged happily.
"Too much information, darling…"
Tracy laughed a little more before watching the exhausted todd closely. Nick Wilde's appearances were literally night and day since the Nighthowler Case. Right now, he looked like a sore ragamuffin and during the day, he would be immaculate. Even she knew that it was all cover to keep other mammals off his back about things. The diminutive female couldn't help the frown that fell on her muzzle.
"How's counseling going, Nicholas?" Tracy inquired.
"I'm supplementing more time playing music and gave up the second shrink meeting to try something new. It has helped with knocking down the day-drifting." Nick explained the new routine. "I still see the docs once every two-weeks for the night terrors. Sorry if I woke you, by the way…"
"I just got back from a date that I was on, Nicholas. You didn't wake me up." She said, patting his paw gently.
"Oh-ho! Out and about, getting squirrelly, huh?" Nick said as he waggled his eyebrows.
Tracy laughed and shook her head. "I'm going to ignore that kittish deflection attempt."
Nick couldn't help another chuckle before the smile melted away from his muzzle. Tracy's ear flickered as she stared at the fox intently. It was slightly unnerving.
"How is Missus Martin doing?" Nick asked finally.
He watched as the doe flinched a little. Jacqueline Martin was a younger rabbit tenant living upstairs from Nick. The poor female had lost her mate in a car accident some time before Nick and Judy had first met. Nick had never gotten to meet Peter Martin: only his mate and their four kits since he had moved in.
"They're having troubles sleeping still…" Tracy admitted.
"Have you lost any more tenants?" He asked warily.
The squirrel nodded smally, raising to couple of digits on her paw to indicate how many. Nick's ears pinned back in frustration at himself. He had lived on and off the streets long enough to know the importance of finances and he knew that his issues were costing Tracy.
"You have to let me know if she's makes any suggestion of having to leave, Trace. I know she can't afford anything better right now and similarly priced living spaces aren't in good neighborhoods. They also aren't local to the school those kits go to." Nick informed his friend.
"You can't do that to yourself, Nick. The city owes you as much as they do Miss Hopps, and you know it." Tracy huffed. "I'd put you up here for free, you know that."
"I know finances, though. You're taking a hard-enough hit as it stands. I'll leave before I see that family end up somewhere near Happy Town or some other shithole." Nick said harshly. "And, I won't take anything from you for nothing. You know that."
"Nicholas…" Tracy began. "I have a place down the road that I can put you up in. It's a house that would allow for more privacy and still allow you to stay near the precinct."
Nick couldn't help but let a sad chuckle. "I can't afford that place." He admitted sincerely.
"There's nobody you can go in on it with? It's got two bedrooms and a convertible office." The doe explained.
"Nobody that I wouldn't spook or who works in the local area and could see the justification." He laughed.
"And, what about the illustrious Judy Hopps?" Tracy said suggestively, raising a brow. She watched as Nick's tail flicked happily at the thought despite himself. "Oh, you lady killer, you…"
That made Nick balk a bit, smiling awkwardly and shaking his head. "Let's both agree that that is the poorest description of my flirtatious nature considering all that happened, huh?" He said in embarrassment. "But I'll think about asking her. Thank you for the offer."
Tracy stood up and ran up the todd's arm to climb on his head.
"You're a good fox, Nicholas. Don't ever think otherwise. Now, escort your fair landlord to her door, please." Tracy ordered.
Nick couldn't help but laugh at her antics and the prompt tickling his received to his ear. He stood up and batted at the squirrel playfully before pushing his chair in.
"Onward, faithful stud!" She said from above, no doubt pointing towards the door.
The todd sighed in mock annoyance, walking over to the door and out of his apartment. He promptly opened Tracy's door for her and felt her hop down to the knob, and then to the floor. Tracy turned around and waved at Nick happily.
"Thank you, Nicholas. For everything." She said heartfeltly. "If you need anything, you come get me immediately."
"Of course, Miss Tracy. Thank you." Nick said, waving before carefully closing the door.
Once back inside of his apartment, Nick took stock of his refrigerator and making himself some breakfast. Once his omelet was finished, he walked into his room with the plate and flipped on the light. Calmly, though not without a frown, he ate his breakfast and surveyed the mess that was his bed. He had shredded another pillow in his fitful bout of sleep and the covers were strewn about. One he finished his omelet, he set the plate in the kitchen sink and removed his shirt.
Nick went into the bathroom to find that he was covered in little bits of foam that had come from the pillow. The fur on one side of his muzzle was matted against his jawline and jutting out at odd angles across his frame.
"Well, bud. If you don't look like the definition of what a 'mess' is then I don't know what one is." Nick chided himself.
He decided to clean up before working on the room. Turning on the water to the shower, he quietly stripped down to his fur and closed the shower door behind him as he stepped under the pulse of the water. The warmth seeped into his fur and permeated his body as Nick released a sigh of relaxed contentment.
Luckily for the todd, Chief Bogo had given the pair the day off due to a glut of overtime that they had racked up over the last two-weeks on a smuggling case. The influx of new officers to P1 meant that the shift could be covered by other FTOs than Judy. Bogo would never say it outright, but Nick knew that he was concerned for the pair after the museum. Only after an otherworldly amount of work had been accomplished would he give out off-time to his officers. So, it wasn't as if Karma had it entirely out for Nick, by his accounting. Judy pulled down the most mammal-hours of the department, with McHorn and Fangmeyer following up closely. It meant that their partners were offered reprieves more often than others. A balance of dedication to work and fairness between all the officers if you will.
It meant that today, Nick could relax to a degree. Neither Nick nor Judy were expected back in the bullpen until Monday morning. The todd only wished that he could get a better sleeping routine going for himself. The doctors had said that there were medications that could be given to him for the nightmares, but Nick was extremely wary of narcotics of any kind. He had witnessed enough mammals be harmed in his time from both legal and illegal narcotics use. Nick knew that it wasn't likely going to be the case that he would be able to take anything heavy, for a short period of time, and subsequently have a high-rate of success. He had outright refused even having the conversation with the doctors about it. The other issue was what was and wasn't allowed to that end due to his job. It was an inevitability that Nick would have to speak to Chief Bogo about.
After washing his coat thoroughly, Nick shut the water off and stepped out into the fur-dryer with a towel. The mornings were starting to become crisp as the fall rolled in. Colder in the morning, but still a little too warm in the evenings for the todd's liking. While Nick liked the natural seasons, he preferred the cooler of the months. He might have liked the summer more if he had excuses to visit the beach around the Riverside ZTA stop. Or, even Dead End. A little more bustling, but the water was warmer. Riverside was closer due to his proximity to the Acacia Street line in Acorn Heights.
Finally, Nick stepped out of the fur-dryer and rubbed any residual water out of his coat while searching for his brush. Quickly, but soundly, the todd made himself ready for the day and threw some clothes on. Once Nick had pocketed his everyday carry items, including a custom inside-the-waistband Kydex holster for his tranq sidearm and an appendix holster for his stungun, which both went in his waistband before his belt was ratcheted down a bit. Nick slipped his clip-on badge to the front of his belt and promptly left the apartment. He would clean up later.
A little after 5:00 AM, he reached the local coffee shop at the corner of Acacia. Whenever the todd had been in this part of Savanna Central, he always stopped in at Kendra's Coffee. It was somewhat of a waypoint before he either went into Sahara Square. The atmosphere was pleasant, and the employees were kind. Nick grinned softly as he used his sly abilities to sneak into the shop and lean up against the fridge near the front display case. He watched as Kendra Oliveira hustled around the recently opened shop and listened to her three employees bantered in the back room. Suddenly, the jaguar looked around: having obviously sensed or smelled the presence of an unknown mammal on the premises. She finally found the fox grinning cheekily from around the corner.
"Nick Wilde, you sneak!" Kendra said loudly. "You nearly gave me a heart-attack."
The todd started chuckling and thrust himself off the fridge so that he could give his order properly. Not that it was entirely necessary, Kendra and her dayshift manager Angela Dyess knew exactly what he always ordered.
"Can we go easy on the blueberry creamer today, Kendra? Please?" Nick asked.
"Not before I get an apology, dumbass!" The jaguar said loudly, her annoyance was a feint and she played it well with a paw over her heart.
Nick, seeing through it and smiling, played along. "I apologize that my outstandingly foxy appearance startled such a fair lady as yourself, Miss Kendra." He said smartly.
The snort that Kendra made prompted a laugh from Nick. She rolled her eyes and began working on his usual order.
"Angela fills that visual foxiness quota just fine, thank you." She replied before letting her voice soften. "Going a little strong on this one, Nick."
The todd merely hummed his confirmation at Kendra's observation. Nick was preoccupied with the birds flying around outside of the building, but his ear flickered at the sound of claw-tips quietly clattering on the floor. He gazed over to find Angela Dyess stepping out from the backroom. The vixen was a rather fluffy marble fox with an impressively sleek and gray-tinged white coat. The result of a color mutation in red foxes, or so Nick had read when he was a kit. The vixen's lips curled back in a kind and happy grin at the todd as her ears shot up high and forward. He smiled a little and gave a polite nod.
"Good morning, Nicholas! How are you?" Angela greeted him jovially.
"I'm fine, thank you." Nick said, never failing to notice how happy it made her to see him in the shop. "How are you?"
"I'm happy that it's Friday!" The vixen tittered, prodding her boss's leg in a semi-antagonistic manner. "The boss-lady has two new kits to train for the weekends! Are you working?"
You can tell she's a bit younger. She was raised well for a fox. There's a lot of optimism in this city for her because of it, Nick thought to himself.
"I'm always working." He replied, keeping an air of levity mixed with the mystery.
The russet todd was happy for her in that regard, though he was no fool. Nick could tell that Angela had eyes for him and it was certainly flattering, to say the least. It was one of the reasons why he was merely cordial with her and that was subset to why he only ever flirted with females that weren't interested in the todd. For whatever reasons. There were females that Nick got on like a house on fire with, but they were usually older or not of his species. The "safe ones to test the waters with", he would tell himself in his youth. For instance, there was a pleasant dynamic with Kendra, but she wasn't one for interspecies relations. On the other paw, Tracy would not have minded that aspect: if not for the fact that the differences in size classes precluded sexual relations. And, that mattered to her as much as Nick knew it would for him in the eventuality. Those were the first two groups of females. There were others, of course, that fit those two classes. But strong friendships were built firmly on those understandings.
The females were certainly not dim to Nick's learning curve comprehensions in his youth nor his confirmations that the tactics still actually held tact these days. He had known Kendra for nearly two-decades, but only known Tracy since after graduating POST, respectively. The third tier of females, and understandings, were that those with some level of purity – undefiled by the city – should be left alone. Thus, Nick would not ruin Angela's current perspective of life by being a metaphorical viewport to the seedy underbelly of what the city actually was. The todd would spare her of that. Angela would find a fine young todd soon enough and would possibly never know of how dark things once had been.
The things that already stained Nick.
The fourth tier of females, and understanding for Nicholas, could be argued as a muddling of the third. The former con-artist had become a law enforcement officer. A class of mammal that confirmed the realities of life. But, subsequently and more specifically, the city of Zootopia as a whole.
Heh… Nick chuckled mentally, taking the offered coffee from Kendra after paying her.
"Thank you."
The "muddling"… Well, Judy Hopps fit in that third tier of Zootopian residents by technical definitions. But, she was also a law-enforcement officer. Nick had watched as more and more of the understanding of the underworld was drilled into her since his graduation. The todd didn't know if the doe was alright with interspecies relations or not. It did not change the fact that Nick had grown to respect her deeply.
It also did not change the fact that Nick had fallen in love with Judy Hopps shortly thereafter.
Now if only Karma would quit treating you like a personal kink in the femdom category on Pawhub… The Cynic laughed harshly.
"I'll see you ladies later. Thank you." Nick called out, waving over his shoulder before he walked outside.
The wry smile on Nick's muzzle was born of the Cynic's comment and not kindness to the coffeeshop employees, and certainly not out of concern for his next meeting. The todd did not want to seem rude. He was just distracted.
After his paws carried him several blocks, the coffee was drained from the to-go cup until the cup was pitched into a trashcan in the plaza. It had certainly been a strong cup of Joe and he was thankful for that. Nick couldn't help as his ears flicked around to take in all the sounds. He ignored the whispers of recognition while focusing on any potential threats in the area until he made it to the door.
The sly and sneaky nature in him returned with a vengeance. Desk Officer Benjamin Clawhauser wasn't paying attention due to his new Gazelle memorabilia that he had picked up at the recent concert. Nick promptly hustled over to the stairwell to dart upstairs without being seen by the officer successfully. As soon as he made it to the Chief's door, he rapped his knuckles against it firmly.
"Enter!" Bogo hollered from within.
Nick hopped up to jerk the door handle down; grateful that the Chief had switched out the original knob for something that the smaller mammals of the department could leverage. He rounded the edge and shut it promptly before turning to face his boss. The large water buffalo eyed the todd with a look of surprise and concern. After all, Officer Nick Wilde didn't usually volunteer to come up and see him.
"Good morning, Wilde." Bogo said after Nick had hopped up into the available chair forward of his desk.
"Good morning, Sir." He replied in kind.
"Must be pretty serious for you to be here on your day off." Bogo commented, looking the fox over. "How are you doing?"
"I'm alright. I just had something that I needed to run by you, is all." Nick explained shortly.
"I'm sure it has nothing to do with the massive amount of body glitter that exploded out of Officer Snarlov's locker the other day?" The water buffalo said firmly, trying to see if there was a tell from the todd.
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Sir." Nick chuckled softly.
"Mhmm…" Bogo huffed. "What's on your mind?"
"I need to ask about a possible prescription that I might like to try." Nick said warily.
"For the nightmares."
Nick had to give it to the gruff pain-in-the-ass. He missed nothing and todd merely nodded.
"Are they becoming a problem, Wilde?"
"I'm concerned that the effects will soon prove to be… adverse… in respects to day-to-day operations, Sir." Nick admitted. "I've tried to avoid this topic with the doctors for a long time, but the lack of meaningful sleep is starting to take a toll."
"The doctors did mention that you vehemently refused Prazosin." Bogo confirmed. "As long as you have a 'script for it and no serious emotional responses come from its use, there's no problem with it, Wilde. What are you thinking, though?"
Nick sighed audibly. The action felt like it took all the energy out of him and forced him to sit back against the chair tiredly.
"I'd like to request permission to have a short trial dose issued so that I have a readily available choice in the matter, Chief. Two-weeks' worth, I'm thinking."
Bogo sat back in his own chair while considering the option for a moment. His brow furrowed in pensive thought.
"Have you considered also using some of your PTO or vacation days, as well?"
"I'd like to hold off on that until I see how the medication works, Sir. I have considered it, though." Nick nodded his head again. "That's an extreme last-resort and I'd like to leave it that way right now."
"I'll call your doctor at General and update your counselor now then. You take the prescribed dosage over the next two-weeks. We'll revisit the idea of time-off after that period. Sound fair?" Bogo explained, leaning back forward to plant his elbows on the desk. A resolute gesture from the buffalo despite it looking like he was praying due to the lack of digits. The message was conveyed regardless.
"It does, Chief. Thank you."
"Good. You should be able to go straight to the pharmacy at the General Hospital without having to see the doc. They'll know the initial dosage, I would imagine. We'll consult Monday morning after rollcall to see if you will continue or if there are issues before pressing on with it." Bogo ordered sternly. "Get some rest, Wilde, and get out of my office."
Nick chuckled and hopped off the seat easily. "I knew I was growing on you, Chief. Thanks."
"Akin to mange if you keep up the pranks." Bogo growled. "I'll have your tail if the cleaning crew claims any more OT due to glitter!"
Nick couldn't help the barking laugh that came from his deep within his chest. He threw a lazy salute to the Chief of Police before leaving the office. The todd hustled his way down the stairs and out of the building just as he had come in. On the down-low. Nobody was any the wiser to his presence due to it being not too long after rollcall had come to its conclusion.
It took a little over thirty-minutes to get to the hospital. Nick decided to save himself the time and just went to the pharmacy. The todd did run into his doctor and they spoke briefly on the subject. Once he had the prescription, he decided that it was time for breakfast. He slowly meandered back to Kendra's. And, another coffee. Shortly after 9:00 AM, he arrived quietly again.
"Thank you for using the door properly this time, Nick!" Kendra called, looking up as the bell rang from the door handle.
"You act like I came in through the basement window earlier." Nick said with a laugh.
"The usual, Nick?" Angela called out.
Nick had walked down to the furthest low-backed booth in the shop as he usually did.
"Please, Miss Angela. And another coffee." He replied as loudly.
There were a couple of other patrons in the shop, both at the high-top bar near the display case. Law enforcement training added on to what Nick learned in his conmammal days. The todd made assessments on mammals so that he knew if he was marked. It was so that he didn't get shot in the back or tranqed by either a miffed business partner or a criminal. The two weren't a threat by Nick's assessment. Kendra brought his second coffee over shortly after, as Nick heard the bell tinkling against the door handle, but he didn't look up yet to do a mental canvas of the newcomer. As it turned out, he didn't have to.
"Nick!" A voice emanated towards them. "Hi, Kendra!"
The todd looked up to see Judy jogging over to his table as Kendra threw a finger up at Angela for the doe's usual drink.
"Morning, Carrots." Nick replied with a smile.
"Good morning, Judy. Got the usual coming right up." Kendra said, leaving Nick to the bubbly gray bunny.
The doe hopped onto the seat across from the todd and smiled politely. Nick could tell that Judy had forced herself to settle down a bit. Her demeanor was reserved. Slightly harder to read, but still kind. Nick could tell by her ears; they were raised by not completely erect and it seemed like it was purposefully reserved for her.
"I went over to your place, but Tracy said that you had gone out." Judy said softly.
Nick couldn't help as an appreciative smile overtook his muzzle before he could take a drink. The inner parts of his ears grew hot as he tried not to look at Judy: who was intently staring at him.
"I had to meet with the Chief this morning about a prescription." Nick said plainly, taking another sip of his coffee. "I needed to make sure that it wouldn't be an issue on the job before submitting the question. I'm sorry that you missed me."
"It's fine, Slick. I'm just glad that you aren't in trouble for the glitter prank." Judy said, breaking out into a fit of giggles.
"Officer Hopps," Nick said admonishingly. "I most assuredly have no idea what you're referring to."
Judy threw her paws over her mouth as she continued to titter at the todd's antics.
"I'm sure you don't, sly fox," She finally managed, pausing to straighten-up uncomfortably. "Anyhow. Is the medication for sleep?"
Nick's ears pinned back immediately, and his mind went into damage control on that issue. He simply could not hide much from Judy like he had success doing before. The todd could keep his emotions better in-check when it was a conversation had with other officers in earshot. The lie or deflection had to hold with them, after all. Sometimes it was convincing enough to Judy, as well.
"No. It's supposedly used to suppress PTSD-induced nightmares. Prazosin, I think Doc called it. Two-week supply, one a night, weekend trial before reporting to Chief Bogo. Then, I either chase or cut bait after Sunday night." Nick stated, explaining everything.
"What else did the doctor say?" Judy asked, looking at him expectantly.
There was hope and concern written all over the doe's muzzle. It was quite endearing, indeed. Nick wanted to see that smile again.
"Doc said that it might help my blood pressure." The todd replied, smiling.
The wise-ass comment brought that smile of hers forth, as well as making Judy laugh again. It was so nice to hear. Nick noticed that Angela was bringing two plates of food over to them. Judy didn't have to look around. She could watch Nick's reactions and hear the approach of another mammal. Because the todd did not look concerned, Judy knew that it was likely their food being brought up.
"Here you go, guys. Thanks for being patient." Angela said jovially.
The marbled vixen paid close attention to the patrons' reactions. Nicholas gave her a polite nod before looking back out the window in careful contemplation. Judy, on the other paw, gave a verbal thanks and then began watching the todd intently. The vixen was young, but she could see that something was transpiring amongst the two. Quietly, Angela made her way from the table to attend to the other customers.
"That little vixen is interested in you." Judy whispered across the table at Nick.
The todd turned from the window to stare at Judy with a smile barely tugging at the corner of his lips.
"I promise that I knew before you did." He replied wryly.
"You're not interested?" Judy asked, her ears standing tall as she tried to work on her salad.
"Angela's a little younger than you, she didn't grow up like I did, and there's no sense in tainting her with that history. With the things that I've witnessed." The todd explained casually.
Judy was surprised to hear the undertones of seriousness and severity in Nick's words. It wasn't a tinge in the words that made them heavy. It was the past and him knowing things already. Maybe it was a relationship that never made it off the ground. It might have been couple of strong potential relationships that had been deflected by Nick's conning days, as well.
"You could always not say anything about those days?" Judy asked.
Nick looked up past the eggs that he was about to beginning chowing down on, having already been munching on a bit of bug-bacon in the interim.
"There's too much curiosity in her; y'know, from being ten-years younger and all…" Nick began, taking the fork-full before continuing. "I could say nothing, but she'd meet someone who knew me from then or from now that knew more. Like yourself, for instance. Then questions would arise, and a decision would have to be made…"
The doe watched as Nick took on his inner monologuing persona while chewing through his eggs quickly.
"Do I explain it to her and extinguish the light in her to some degree? Or… Do I roll the dice, lie about it all, and see where it gets me down the road?" Nick explained, raising each paw as if they were bowls on a beam scale. "The honest answer is that there's no real difference in the two choices, Carrots. Both choices require a lie to be told. Namely Option-A. What is your past if the actuality, of what was, is no longer supposed to be?"
Well, the salad was certainly interesting in her eyes. Judy had been staring at it for a minute or two so that she could process the wisdom behind the words. She certainly didn't want to see anybody get hurt to such an extent. But it meant that Nick was sacrificing a possibility at happiness. That was the conundrum.
"Because my furry-red backside certainly didn't just appear into existence suddenly. That's for sure." Nick finalized with a laugh.
The todd chowed down a little faster while Judy was thinking. He couldn't read her perfectly, but there was an issue. She was thinking hard, which meant her nose was twitching again. Nick could not help but feel a strong urge to reach out and poke it softly. The adorableness of the scene before him was… well, it was damned adorable. He pulled out another card to ease the urge back in his chest.
"You are absolutely, positively the cutest thing on the planet right now." He muttered pointedly, purposefully trying to draw Judy's ire.
Twitching… Stopped. Ears, snap! Eyes, pinched at the corners. On a scale of Perturbed to Volatile, we'll call it a four – Frustrated.
"You're still owed for last night and you want to keep pushing buttons, Slick?" Judy said, trying to bring some heat into her voice. And failing, as Nick saw it.
"Oh! I'm sorry. I forgot to do my Jack Savage and yell 'mission accomplished' like in Ghost Protocol." Nick said dramatically, earning him an even more stern glare as he flat-palm slammed an imaginary red button, before grunting loudly with one final, fisted slam on the table. "Nngh!"
Karma save me, I might die… But she's laughing…
Nick watched as Judy's eyes closed, the laughter overtaking her features as she could remember the movie well enough. The fox took in the sight of her high, twitching ears. The flash of those adorable pearly bucked teeth as the doe tried to bite on her lower lip to stifle the cutest of squeaks and giggles from pouring out. Her paws somewhere between trying to cover her mouth and nose and wiping down her face in mock frustration. Judy eventually began wiping the humor-filled tears from the corners of her eyes before resuming her salad.
The todd, on the other paw, could not halt the elevation in his heartbeat or how the tip of his tail whipped around happily. And, fortunately, outside of Judy's view.
Who needs blood pressure medication when somebody like this sit's in front of you? His inner version of Hope implied firmly.
"Anyway," Nick continued after drinking more of his coffee. "Angela will find a young todd that matches her Ki better than I ever could. It is what she deserves: as polite and kind as that vixen is."
Judy looked up at Nick and nodded her understanding wordlessly so that she could polish off her salad as the todd began working on his pancakes. The carrot juice was wonderful in her early morning routine.
"I was wondering, Nick. Is it alright if I come with you to your next meet at the bar?" Judy eventually asked, taking her time with her wording.
There was no hiding the look of surprise on his face and Nick knew it. He had been around the adorable lil' bunny for too long, after all.
"I thought the music was a little concerning for you, Fluff." Nick reminded the doe of her comments.
The young doe fidgeted in her seat a bit, embarrassed that she could not meet Nick's eyes and knowing full well that he was staring right at her.
"It just reminds me of my screw-up is all." Judy mumbled.
"You know better than that, Fluff. There were those who hated prey already. You weren't going to change that even if you had run the conference clean. There were others who were stirred the wrong way by what you had said. Those preds saw what you did to rectify the situation and they became allies again. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't run into a predator who wants me to thank you for the efforts that you put in." Nick explained while he finished off his plate, licking his teeth in the process. "Don't dwell on what you've repented for. You've done wonderful things."
"You helped with all of that, too." Judy said pointedly, aiming her fork in his direction.
The gray doe watched as the todd withdrew his Aviators, flicked them open to rest them on in front of his eyes, and leaned back with his arms along the backrest. The absolute smuggest of grins plastered on his maw all the while.
"You know me, Carrots. I'm just here to smash stereotypes and be the foxiest of Reds on television." He chuckled. "After all, someone keeps spreading rumors that I'm hunting for the cover of Precinct 1's fabled exotic calendar. For ZPD-eyes only. I didn't know such a thing existed, so I might as well make a qualifying lap in case the organizers call."
Judy guffawed at Nick's peacocking; watching as he puffed out his chest and ran his paw over the top of his head. Those triangular ears pinned back aggressively, emphasizing his attractiveness in a lascivious manner.
"Is that so, Officer Wilde?" Judy asked in between her laughter.
The fox lowered his glasses enough to peer over the rim, eyeing Judy as she had decided to play along with his ego-inflating nature. It certainly sent a shiver up her spine as Judy noticed.
"I certainly hope it isn't you, Officer Hopps," Nick growled playfully. "The long-con is to obtain my owed percentage. On top of permanently becoming the poster-mammal of the ZPD…"
"Nicholas Wilde, you are absolutely incorrigible. You just remember how strategic you are in your endeavors." Judy commented seriously.
The todd finally removed his shades and laughed at her response. Judy had finally finished her salad while Nick was coming up on the dregs of his coffee. He almost ordered another but felt the prescription in his pocket as he checked for his wallet instead. He didn't want to be up longer due to a high caffeination.
"Leaving the semi-joking topics behind. You're more than welcome to come out. We won't be doing anything until Thursday, though. I just want to let you know that last night's set wasn't what most would consider as 'the dark stuff'." Nick said, bringing the topic back and his paws up to do air-quotes on the last bit.
Judy's nose twitched a bit before she nodded her head. One of her ears was lopped forward as she carefully kneaded the tender skin.
"You're fine as long as it's helping and you aren't hurting anybody, Nick." She agreed. Nick didn't miss the doe become shy again. "I would still love to see you play more. If that's alright."
"Of course. The guys won't mind and I'm certainly not going to shut you out." He replied with a kind smile. Of course, Nick wanted her to be there.
Nick noticed that the two patrons, who had been sitting in, had left earlier in their long conversation. The location was quiet without anybody else there. It was pleasant for him, to say the least, and the todd wasn't eager to leave. Between it being his day off and Judy's new look of contemplation, he was content right there in that booth.
"The music does help, right?" Judy asked, learning how to broach things plainly as Nick had said.
"It's the playing of the instruments that helps specifically. It has helped during the lulls while on patrol. I've been thinking more about playing the guitar or the drums as opposed to thinking back to being trapped in my own mind down there." The todd answered, taking a drink of water that had been left for him earlier.
"But, not the dreams." Judy commented.
"No. Not the dreams."
"And, you're worried about the medication?" She asked with a tilted head.
"Of course. I don't want a dependency to form. It may not work at all, which I also fear. It could exacerbate the issues that I'm already having."
Judy looked up at Nick with concern written on her muzzle; frowning deeply as her ears laid down against her back as she rang her paws uncomfortably.
"I can stay and keep watch over you, Nick. I owe you as much as you feel you owe me, you know." She said firmly.
The todd smiled a bit. He scratched a small itch behind his ear while contemplating it. He knew she would eventually arrive here after hearing that he was going to test out some medication. She was tenacious like that. Nick was confident that while Judy had a concern for his possible eviction that she didn't completely grasp how bad it was. The todd certainly did not want to frighten her further, but Judy would keep pushing. So, he had to make it clear while his tail bristled and whipped a bit in discomfort.
"Do you remember the sounds that I made, Fluff?"
Nick watched for the response closely. There was the twitch of the nose, of course, but the nervous giggle that softly poured out surprised him. The doe nodded without a word.
"After the first couple of complaints rolled in… Awfully specific descriptions accompanying them, mind you… I set up a video camera one night to gauge how bad it was compared to what I remembered." Nick explained, laying his paws flat on the table as the todd let his gaze bore into the doe. It was a visual emphasis of the point. "If you feared it then. If you still periodically think back on it and find yourself frightened… What happens when I sleep, it's as bad as it was then."
Judy's eyes had gone wide for a moment, but as the realization overtook her clearly Nick watched as a look of determination became firmly cemented on her complexion.
"I can stand it. You won't hurt me, dumb fox."
"I'm not going to argue with you, Jude. You're just going to have to promise that if it gets to be more than what you can handle mentally that you'll leave. Don't stick around and let your mind begin to torture yourself." Nick said with a bit of heat in his voice.
"You're not going to fight me on this?" She asked in surprise.
"Puh-lease… You're obviously not above stalking. If I fought you on this, you'd eventually talk yourself into some convoluted mindset that suddenly made it alright to enter a premise, without permission, with the spare key that you have." Nick teased with a laugh, leaning back in his seat a bit.
"I didn't stalk you!" Judy huffed loudly.
"The bird-dogging and stakeouts weren't authorized by Chief Bogo, Officer Hopps." Nick said, continuing to poke a bit. "Like I said, though. I'm not mad. Don't worry about it."
The todd laughed a bit more as Judy looked at the table, muttering at him while her ears lit up in a blush. He was right, of course. With another deep huff, the doe resorted to being kittish and stuck her tongue out at the todd. After recomposing herself, Judy sat up properly.
"Have the doctors found anything new on the Serum, Nick?"
He shrugged a bit. "Yes and no. It was potent stuff. The docs determined that over the due course of time, it would have worn off. However, they couldn't extrapolate how long or what cost would have been brought forth by being savage that long. Would you remain a prisoner in a dissolving prison until you broke free? Would you disappear with the receding confines and leave nothing but a shell behind? Or would the savage disposition eventually snuff your consciousness out and take full control?" Nick explained the situation, slowly gesticulating the weight of the options with his paws.
That was what startled Judy the worst. The doe could feel that it was not the pit or the trauma that each of them were facing in their own unique ways… It was the realization that, had it not been for an antiserum being quickly concocted, Nick would potentially have been lost permanently. That even the most stringent of efforts to mend his mind would not have been enough. Judy's most cherished friend could have easily slipped away into a dark abyss without so much as a goodbye. She had to bite her lip to choke back the tears that were threatening to overtake her eyes.
Judy watched as Nick looked around. It looked as if he was making sure that nobody was near enough to be eavesdropping on their conversation. The todd turned back to see the tears in his eyes and frowned sadly before lowering his voice.
"The next bit must stay secret for now, Fluff. It's quite serious." Nick said quietly. Judy gave him a firm and serious nod in reply, looking around and using her ears to make one final assessment before nodding again for the todd to begin. "It was easy for us to miss in the scheme of things. But, after having been through it and witnessing it before that, it's clear. There was a reason that Bellwether's goons made it so potent. It didn't even click for me, later, when you told me the backstory of your mother's incident. It didn't click before that when I was looking at the missing mammal posters…"
Judy became impatient with the todd for a moment, hissing out his name urgently. "Nick!"
The fox shook his head in contemplation.
"The serum isn't genetics specific, Fluff." Nick finally muttered. "And, only in the last week did that click in the minds of researchers and doctors, despite all the time they'd been working with the victims post-MMC. They're just realizing that if Doug had been delinquent in his aim or management of his rifle, or if Bellwether had missed me and hit you… They just now figured out that no portion of mammals is exempt from the rules of the Nighthowler."
Judy's pupils had to have dilatated in realization of what Nick was telling her.
"Cheese and crackers." She cursed slowly before the unease grew into anger. "Who knows? Why isn't it being made public?"
"The researchers now, for sure. Bellwether's goons had to have. Whoever we didn't scoop up in the castle raid, maybe…"
"But, why hasn't anything been said?" Judy said harshly, eyes narrowing at Nick.
"Remember what I said about minding the actual threats yesterday? Well, this is where the conspiracy theory of my own muddles my rule…" Nick muttered in embarrassment. "Someone could be holding back on purpose. Maybe the city council knows. Maybe just the new mayor. Maybe Bogo. Even if he doesn't, Buffalo Butt is smart enough to have figured it out himself, I think… But, without past incident records, like with what happened to Terry? You'd have to test it to prove it. And, no mammal is going to volunteer to be that guinea pig, if you'll excuse the phrasing. If it's a conspiracy, then it's better to keep it quiet and let the discontent between pred and prey fester all over again."
"Serendipity…" Judy whispered.
"That's just my mind in it, Judy. I don't mean to worry you. Maybe it's nothing. Maybe the mammals, who need to know, do and they're formulating a proper notification for the public that could be out in a week. Because they're good mammals. Who knows…? Most of the researchers were prey. It might just be my cautious side coming up with the worst-case scenarios. I've always been wary of trusting mammals that I don't know; you know that." Nick finalized warily. He was already starting to become exhausted just from thinking about the concern.
"What if you're right, Nick?" Judy asked urgently.
"The powers-that-be in that scenario can afford to sit back and let Zootopia stir itself. We could stir the pot in the opposite ourselves, but we wouldn't be able to prove anything. Nothing except that we figured it out and are threats to the 'plan'. The only bit of protection we would have then is that we said something, and if we turned up dead that it would prove it. Assuming that it was discovered that we had been killed… Too late for us, though." Nick muttered bitterly. "We certainly can't backchannel the warning. We don't know who we can trust if that plan is in motion. I don't think we have any choice but to act normal and somewhat dim, and watch to see what happens… We can't just go running down the dark hallway blind."
If Nick had been in a better mood at that point, he would have laughed at the fact that Judy was again about to catch air with how fast her nose was twitching. The storm of uncertainty within the doe was the vastest that Nick had ever seen within her because she realized that there was nothing they could do yet. The understand conflicted harshly with her strong desire to protect before anything could happen. There was no proof. It was a logical fear if you asked the right questions regarding the origin story of Bellwether's discovery and understanding of the Nighthowler properties.
How did the sheep find out about it?
Was Bellwether, in fact, not the mastermind of it, but only a terror cell leader in a far greater network of assholes?
That first one, Nick knew, would shed light on a great many answers to questions not even conjured yet.
"Nick… We need to be careful," Judy whispered, looking around somewhat fearfully. "We need to stick close to each other until we hear something more."
The whiplash that Nick received from Judy's emotional state was severe. He knew she was right, but it wasn't what the todd expected to hear.
"We just have to act normal. Dim, like I said. Give nobody the idea that we might be clued in. If this is all crap, then we're going to feel stupid having been so standoffish with everyone we consider close… They taught us in the Academy to trust our gut, though. I sincerely hope I'm wrong about this." The fox conceded, rubbing his paws together nervously. "It would have been better to not say anything… You're the one that I chose to trust, and I am not going to hide anything from you anymore."
Nick felt as Judy reached across and grabbed his paw firmly. He brought his eyes up to investigate her amethyst-shaded ones properly. The beautiful gray doe had a tinged of fear in them, but an air of confidence surrounded her.
"So, then. What else do you have to do today?" Judy asked firmly. "It's the weekend, which means movie nights like usual. If we're going to keep up appearances, after all."
"I need to go shopping if you want me to cook again." Nick said, offering the information that he was short on prey food presently.
"I was thinking that it's a cheat week and we binge on pizza." Judy deflected the idea with a smile.
"Fine, but I'm ordering this time," Nick countered with a teasing grin. "Stupid buffalo-ranch carrot pizza…"
Judy balked at the memory of forgetting to order a half-and-half one time. Nick had quite gallantly powered through eating the "oddly" tasting pie, but he had wanted the fried cricket and with extra cheese, and the todd was polite to remind her every chance he was able with a smarmy grin.
"Heh… I apologized for that…" Judy said with an embarrassed giggle. "I'll swing by Bokbuster and pick up some movies then."
"Let me go clean up the pad and you can swing by whenever you're done with the errands, then." Nick said with a smile.
He watched as Judy happily nodded and they both stepped out of the booth after Nick paid the bill. Properly leaving more than enough to cover it and the tip. The fox guided the smaller doe out of the shop with a polite wave to the staff before they parted ways.