Chapter 14

Visiting Dreams

The colors in my life have turned dark

Somehow everything in my house looks different

The floorboards threaten to swallow me

The second I step onto their unsupported surfaces

My curtains blowing in the wind look heavy

The walls and the ceiling have no separation

They just blend into each other, creating a prison

This prison on a plot of land, it gives me no comfort

I walk outside in the morning and it's still dark

I walk outside during the afternoon, the clouds cover the sun

I walk during the evening and I stumble over my feet

Neighbors mean nothing when you don't see them,

Friends mean nothing when they don't understand,

Family means everything that you can't express

I'm looking with my mind,

My heart too has become dark

I suddenly see the faults that I didn't want to admit to

My value drops, longing takes over

And suddenly life seems so much better elsewhere

I can't see the day, and I only sleep at night

I am no longer awake.

"How many times do I have to apologize before you're satisfied?" asked a disgruntled Molly, struggling to sit up in her bed. It was 2 am and Jin had just went to bed, checking up on her one last time before deciding that her condition no longer needed supervision for the night. At that time, Finn had popped out from behind the curtain and started demanding answers and an apology. It had drove him practically nuts having to stay quiet in her room all day since she was either sleeping or had people visiting the rest of the time. As far as he was concerned, he should've been the first one to see Molly or even talk to her. Sometimes being a sprite that only a select few people could see was very inconvenient.

"Until you mean it. I don't think you understand just how worried you had me. I found the near empty pill bottles in the cupboard, which you lied about by the way, and then when I came down to the docks I find out that you almost drowned and were unconscious in the clinic!" Finn said, his voice cracking at the end. He sniffled and turned away to compose himself again.

Molly looked down at her lap, her hands fiddling with the bed sheets in guilt.

"I…I know. I'm sorry that I've worried you so much. I…didn't really make the best choices, did I?" Molly said, chuckling a little to try and lighten the mood. It didn't work. Finn just glared back at her in response.

"I'm sorry! I mean it. Truly, I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I was feeling that bad, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about taking those pills and I'm sorry that I went out even though I was sick. I was irresponsible and I promise it won't happen again."

Finn sighed and sat down by her feet on the bed.

"Do you know what I'm most upset about?" he asked her. Molly shook her head. "It's that you didn't tell me. Don't you trust me enough? Don't you think that I want to help you? I'm your friend Molly, we do everything together and yet you couldn't confide in me when you were having a hard time. How do you think that makes me feel? It's like my feelings have been betrayed when I think we're such good friends but then you just act like I'm a stranger."

"That wasn't my intention at all, Finn. I…look, I don't open up to many people. I don't like showing my weak side, I don't like relying on others and I don't like talking about my problems. For the longest time I've handled everything on my own. It means a lot when you say that you'll be there for me and when you offer your help, it's just…I'm not used to it. But, from now on I'll try to talk to you more about what's bothering me, if…if it's okay?"

Finn pursed his lips and then jumped over to Molly's side and hugged her tight. "Of course, what do you think I've been saying all of this time? I'm your friend Molly, I'll always listen to you."

Molly's lip trembled and a sob escaped. She leaned forward and buried her face in the bed sheets and started crying. Everything had finally caught up to her, all of the emotions from the last 24 hours including the stress and pain from the last week, she let it all out, finally falling asleep around 4 am with Finn right by her side.

The next day when Molly was woken up by Jin pulling the curtains open and letting the mid-afternoon sun brusquely hit her eyes, her nighttime let-out of emotions was clearly being displayed by her puffy eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. Jin looked at her, sighed and lightly ruffled her hair. Molly, surprised by the rare show of affection by him blushed slightly and avoided his gaze. She didn't like letting other people know when she had been crying and it made it worse that she didn't even known Jin that well. After doing a routine check he made her take some nutrient supplements and asked if she felt well enough for visitors.

"Visitors? Why, is someone here?" she asked, trying to peek around the corner into the waiting room.

"Yes, and you won't see them out there. I wouldn't let them in because they were making too much of a ruckus. They've been waiting outside since eight this morning." Jin said, pulling her curtains back so that her room was exposed to the rest of the clinic.

Molly groaned. By that description she had pretty good guess as to who it was and she didn't know if she was up for the barrage of questions that was sure to come.

"Should I let them in or not?" asked Jin again.

"Can I…wash up first? My hair is still matted from the salt water, you know…" she said, trying and failing to run her hands through her hair. She especially wanted to get her face back to a more presentable state. The last thing she wanted was people asking if she had been crying.

Jin nodded and pointed to the bathroom, saying that Kathy brought some clothes from her house among other things early this morning and that they were laying neatly by the door. Molly silently thanked Kathy for her quick thinking and swung her legs over the bed preparing to stand up. Not remembering that she had been laying down mostly asleep for over a day, Molly hopped off of the bed only to have her legs give out an instant later and send her flying into the wall head-first. Luckily, Jin had seen and anticipated this so he was able to catch her before her head went crashing into the wall.

"You would think that someone still recovering from a near-death experience wouldn't try to jump out of their hospital bed after laying down for a straight 24 hours but you've proved me wrong," Jin said, bringing her upright again with little difficulty. Molly blushed and thanked him, taking a tentative step while still holding onto his sleeve.

"I'll help you to the bathroom, I don't want to be held responsible for your poor lack of judgment," he said, wrapping his arm around her hip while simultaneously bringing her arm up around his shoulders. At this Molly blushed even more and tried to persuade them that she was perfectly capable of walking to the bathroom by herself but she could have been talking to the wall for all of the good it did because he just kept dragging her until they reached the door, which he flung open and proceeded to guide her to the edge of the bathtub.

She sat down, glaring up at him as he went to get her bags and brought them back in.

"I trust you don't need any help getting in the bathtub?" Jin said in his professional tenor.

"No I don't, and I didn't need any help getting to it either but now that I'm here I can handle things by myself thank you very much," said Molly, standing up and, being careful not to stumble, walked over to the door and shut it before he could say anything else.

She heard him say that he'd check on her in half an hour if she wasn't out by then and said nothing. She did, however, carefully walk back to the bath and turn on the shower, deciding that she'd had enough of being submerged in water to last her a good while. Plus, if she was to take a bath she very much doubted she would make it out within the half hour time limit. Bathes were always a longer activity.

About halfway through her shower she heard a disturbance from out in the clinic, as if someone had thrown the door open and let it bang against the wall. Then she heard Irene start shouting something and another voice shouting back. The male voice was extremely familiar and as it got closer to the bathroom Molly sighed and rolled her eyes, recognizing who it was at last.

"Where's Molly?! I've been waiting for hours but Jin won't let me in. Why not? Is she in that bad of a condition that she can't have visitors? Let me see her, please!"

"Calm down, she's fine. Jin wouldn't let you in because Molly has been asleep, and you would've been too loud. Kind of like right now. Quiet down, this is a clinic you know," said Irene. Her annoyance was clearly audible in her voice but that did nothing to deter the obtrusive visitor. If anything it made him more determined.

"No one else is here, who cares if I'm loud? I'm only being loud because you won't let me see her! Molly? Molly where are you?"

Molly heard the visitor walking into her room, curtains being pulled and then, as the footsteps started getting louder and louder, she started panicking. He wouldn't open the door would he? She peeked around the shower curtain, looking at the door and saw the doorknob start to jiggle. Molly pulled the curtains back and reflexively covered herself up. She locked the door…didn't she? Thankfully the lock was never tested because she heard a smacking noise and a loud "Ow!" following after.

"What do you think you're doing!? That is a bathroom, you can't just open the door when it's closed. Get out, get out now, you're only causing trouble!"

"No, no, I'm sorry. Look, I didn't know it was a bathroom. Just let me stay in the waiting room? Please! I'll behave, I promise!"

"Don't worry Irene, I'll look after him," came another voice.

"Oh, Bo, when did you come in? Well…she should be out soon and as long as you're here…I do need to get some orders called in…alright, but you're not allowed to leave the waiting room and if you're too loud again it's out the door for you both. Understand?"

Both boys said yes and Molly heard them walk away and, assumed they sat down.

She let out a sigh of relief and quickly finished. She didn't know whether she was up for a conversation or not but she thought that her half an hour was almost up and it didn't do any good to keep them waiting. Might as well get it over with sooner rather than later.

So, with that mindset she got herself dressed and cracked open the door, peeking out into the waiting room. But, before she could even register anything the door was pushed past her, narrowly missing her nose, and she was grabbed by the wrist and brought into a hug. When she protested and tried to push away she was only hugged tighter.

"Luke! I…can't breathe!" she managed to choke out but it wasn't until Jin came in from the other room and roughly grabbed Luke by the back of his shirt that he actually let go.

"What do you think you're doing? She's a recovering patient for Goddess' sake. This is exactly why I didn't want to let you in…"

"Aw come on doc, its fine, let me go," Luke said, trying to pull away. Molly, meanwhile, was trying to catch her breath, Bo patting her on the back.

"Molly, are you alright?" Bo asked, and Luke stopped struggling, his attention now entirely on her.

Molly straightened and managed a smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. I think Luke's hug did more damage than almost drowning," she said, laughing a bit awkwardly at the end. Bo, Luke and Jin all stared at her levelly, not amused. "Too soon?" she asked, trying to be aloof.

Jin sighed and let go of Luke, coming over and taking the bag of shower items and clothes from Molly's hand. "I'll put these in the closet in the hall. You look like you're okay to get to your bed now, so I'll leave you with your visitors. But I don't want you leaving or doing any sort of physical activity. Just go lay down and I'll be in to do some tests in a few hours."

Molly thanked him and, without looking at Luke, walked to her bed and settled down pulling a blanket over herself. She didn't want to look into Luke's face and see how worried he was. She already felt guilty enough as it was.

"Molly."

"…yes?" she replied, looking at a point over his shoulder.

"I didn't get to see you until today and now you won't even look me in the eyes? What kind of treatment is that, huh?" Luke said sadly.

Molly bit her lip and slowly turned to meet his eyes. He and Bo were frowning, both gripping their hands in their laps and leaning forward on the edge of her bed.

"You don't want to talk to us?" Bo asked.

"That's not it," she said, also leaning forward. "You know it's not…it's just…I don't know what to say."

"Are you okay?" Luke asked in a flat voice.

They stared at each other for a second before she responded. "Yes. I'm okay."

Luke searched her face and then collapsed forward on the bed, grabbing the back of his head, not making a sound. Molly, concerned, touched his shoulder and could feel him lightly shaking. She felt horrible, worrying him to this point but at the same time she felt such warmth, knowing that he cared about her this much. Normally, it would have just troubled her more but after everything she'd been feeling lately, just knowing that someone cared about her this much was an undeniable comfort.

Luke slowly reclined again, covering his face and letting out a shaky, "That's good."

Molly smiled, a bit sadly, and looked over at Bo, expecting an exasperated face in response to Luke's reaction but was surprised to see that his eyes were watery. She opened her mouth to say something, what she didn't know, but Bo just chuckled, wiped his eyes and said sorry.

"Why're you apologizing?" Molly asked in disbelief. She should be saying she was sorry, they were making her feel horrible here.

"Haha, sorry Molly, it's just...Luke and I said we weren't going to get all worked up but here we are…Sorry, we're probably making you feel worse. You've already been through a lot, you don't need us being all…anxious and stuff."

"No, no it's not…I mean, I feel bad, really bad that I made you feel this way but…it kind of makes me happy too, knowing how much you care…but I am sorry. I'm sorry," she said quickly. Molly wasn't used to honestly expressing her feelings and she felt like she was being extremely sappy here.

Luke could see how embarrassed Molly was and chuckled. Thankfully, she wasn't being sullen and didn't seem that sick. Tired, yes. Luke could tell that she was pretty tired but other than that, she seemed fine.

"I wish you would've been more careful but now all that I really care about is that you're alright, you don't need to apologize anymore," he said seriously, Bo nodding his head in agreement.

Molly shrugged and kind of twitched her head, not really knowing how to respond. Then, Luke reached over and lightly smacked her on the head.

"Hey, what was that for?" she asked, rubbing where he had hit her.

"Stop making that look, it's annoying," he responded, his mouth twitching, trying not to smile.

"Well, excuse me," she said, sneering at him instead. Luke laughed and tried to smack her head again but she blocked him and called out to Bo for help. The three of them struggled for little while, laughing together until Irene walked in and told them all to be quiet. When she saw how disheveled Molly looked, she ordered Luke and Bo out saying that she needed to rest, not to roughhouse.

Luke and Bo started to complain but after Molly said that she actually was pretty tired and wanted to lay down for a bit, they got up and left, telling her that they'd bring her some sweets the next time they came to visit. She thanked them, very appreciative because the clinic food, while tasty, didn't have any sugar at all in it. She would have Finn bring her back food but she thought that that would lead to some difficult questions if Jin and Irene started to ask where she got it from.

Speaking of Finn, she thought he should be getting back soon. Molly had sent him to go check on the farm right after she had woken up that morning. Finn had stayed by her side while she cried through the night, and although she couldn't tell him why she was so upset he didn't ask any questions, somehow knowing that she still wasn't ready. Molly didn't know when she would be ready to tell anyone, but she felt that she would need to soon…letting everything out helped but it was only temporary.

She was scared. She couldn't quite remember those few minutes before she fell into the ocean or right after. What she could only came in flashes: Toby's hand on her shoulder, his worried eyes looking back at her, Paolo tying the boat to the docks, the noise from the town when they came in, Gill pointing up at the mountains and Chase, smoking outside of the Brass Bar...

Thinking about it, she remembered Chase being there when she was resuscitated by Jin. She couldn't really remember it much but she was sure she saw him. It didn't make that much sense though because how she remembered him wasn't at all like the Chase she knew. Tight-faced, white-lipped and wide-eyed. That panicked face really didn't suit him at all. Was it because of her? Molly never really thought that her and Chase were that close, at least not so close for him to act like that when she was in danger. If anything had happened to Chase…well, what would she have done? Would she have acted the same? She didn't really know, perhaps she would have, but for Chase to have acted like that towards her? She wouldn't have thought it likely.

But then again, it surprised her when Chase visited last night, too. He came right after Gill, which she still wasn't sure if it was a dream or not. Gill? Coming to visit her? Granted, he was just there to drop off her documents from Town Hall but he stayed and even apologized. She sighed…Molly had been determined to dislike Gill but after that how could she stay angry with him? Add to that the conversation she and Chase had last night and she didn't know what to think.

Molly stared at the ceiling as Gill left and Jin came in to take her blood pressure and heart rate. While Jin was busy looking at some papers she closed her eyes and let a tear escape, feeling it make its way down her cheek to drop onto the sheets. She wished she wouldn't have woken up so soon. Waking up was hard, especially after having such a nice dream.

She remembered every part of it and every detail. Molly was walking down her road in the city. Everything was the same as she had left it; post office on the left, her favorite park just 200 meters down the road and the small bakery that was owned by her friend's family just opposite. She was walking back to their house, taking in the scenes. After she arrived, her mom greeted her from the living room and as she walked further in she saw her father in the kitchen, making dinner.

He turned around and smiled at her, "Welcome home, Molly."

'Dad? Where have you been?' was what she wanted to say but instead, "what's for dinner?" came out and he replied that it was a breakfast for dinner kind of day and that he was making her favorite – cinnamon French toast. Then he said that Angela and Bryant should be there anytime and, almost on cue, the front door opened and they walked in, smiling and holding hands.

"Molly! It feels like we haven't seen each other in a while, huh?" Bryant said, grabbing her and pulling her in for a bear hug. She laughed and then went to hug her sister, who couldn't stop smiling. When Molly asked her why, Angela brought out some small black-and-white photos from her purse and said loudly that she was pregnant.

The entire family congratulated her and they sat down for dinner, eating and laughing, just like they used to. After they finished, her and Angela gathered the dishes and went to start washing them in the sink. They started to wash the dishes but then Angela stopped her suddenly.

"Molly? Why are you crying?"

Molly reached up to touch her cheeks but couldn't feel anything there. "I'm not crying Angela, what are you talking about?"

"But you are, I can see your tears. Why are you crying?"

At that point Molly felt very confused. Why would she be crying? When she turned around to talk to her mother she wasn't in her house anymore but in her farmhouse, lying in her bed. She blinked and then suddenly realized that someone was holding her hand and, oddly enough, the one that was holding her hand was none other than Chase. He had the same face that he had earlier when she had just caught a small glimpse of him at the docks. But soon his face changed and he was smiling.

"What do you want to do today?" he asked her.

Molly was confused but her mouth moved nonetheless and she heard herself answer, "How about we make a pie and go on a picnic? It's supposed to be warm today."

"That sounds perfect. Our pies always turn out the best," he replied, standing up but still holding her hand.

"They do, don't they?" she said, smiling back. She sighed and closed her eyes, "I'm so glad I met you."

Chase leaned over and kissed her forehead, "Me too." She felt his hand temporarily tighten in hers and then slip away.

At that point Gill's voice interrupted her dream and she woke up to hear him talking to her. After he left Chase had come walking in, hands in pockets with the smell of smoke lingering on his clothes. Jin was disapproving, not wanting anyone to visit her at that moment but Molly had insisted that she was okay and that a few minutes should be fine. Jin had made a sound of dissatisfaction but left anyways.

Chase sat down without a word, not looking at her.

She snorted, amused. Chase was almost acting shy, either that or guilty. Both of which he wouldn't and shouldn't have been feeling.

"Usually the visitor is the one that wants to talk, not sit there silently," she said.

Chase shrugged and finally looked at her, "I guess you're right."

He ran his fingers through his hair, which was already messy and then rubbed the back of his neck. Molly observed him silently, wondering why he was acting so nervous. He looked at her again and she raised her eyebrows in a silent question.

"Well…are you alright?" he asked finally.

"Well, I'm not dead, am I?" she asked, trying to be humorous but instead it came out in her normal voice. "Not that I want to be," she stammered after.

Chase stared hard at her. "No, you're not dead. But you could have been."

Something in his face made Molly's heart start beating rapidly. It was as if he saw through her and could hear her real thoughts. But he couldn't possibly know that she had given up in the end; that she had wanted to die.

"I know. I…know." It was the only thing she could think of to say and the both of them started when they heard a door close upstairs, probably Jin coming down to tell Chase to leave and check on Molly again.

She looked over to Chase and told him to tell Kathy that she was alright now and to not worry. He had nodded and stood up. It was then when she looked at him that he leaned forward for just a second, as if he was going to say something. She noticed his hand reach out too but then he stuffed it in his pockets and looked away.

"I'm glad you're okay," he said gruffly and walked out of the clinic without a backwards glance. Molly blinked a couple of times, very confused and wondering what that was just about. Jin had been taking her pulse and mentioned it was unusually fast and so she was told to lay back down. Molly blushed and turned away, not wanting to think about why her heart had been beating so fast.

The rest of the day passed in a blur of visitors and various states of emotion ranging from Kathy bursting into tears as soon as she saw Molly to Craig and Ruth coming with their children and telling Molly in equally bland voices that her fields were properly being taken care of. She had thought that Craig would have been very upset about the arrangement but didn't seem that way. She thanked them and when Cain came in to tell her about her animals she asked him if she could enter Raven in the animal festival. That's when Jin came in and told her that she wouldn't be discharged for another four days at least and wouldn't be able to attend the festival.

At that, Molly became quite upset and, although she asked Cain if Raven could still compete without her there, he said that all participants had to be present at the time of the contest. She pursed her lips, dissatisfied and he patted her sympathetically on the shoulder.

"Sorry kid, but there's always next year, right?" he said. Molly nodded, trying not to seem that upset but ended up sulking for the rest of the day. Kathy and others like Luke, Bo, Toby and his family along with most of the other residents came often during the rest of that week. The only people that she didn't see again were Gill and Chase. She shouldn't have expected them to, but after that first night she thought that maybe something had changed between them. However, she must have been mistaken.

The day after the Animal Festival, which would have been very boring if Finn hadn't of stayed behind since it was just her, Jin and Irene at the clinic, the latter two being mostly preoccupied with whatever it was medics had to deal with, Molly was finally discharged. She sat through a long lecture from Jin and then Irene, telling her to take care of herself and that if she ever felt that tired again to come straight to the clinic.

She thanked them, truly grateful for all of the help that they gave her and left feeling very happy that she was finally able to return home. Thankfully it was before 8 am so she didn't meet anyone on her way out and was able to go straight home without being forced to converse. Her animals were already out grazing in the yard and after a quick greeting to each of them, she opened the door, unpacked and then went back outside to go lay in the sun.

Finn landed on her stomach and asked her if she was happy to be home.

"You don't even know how relieved I am to be out of that place. Jin ad Irene are nice people but being around them for so long…I don't even know how many conversations about the health-effects of herbs I had to engage in."

"That's true. And I'm really glad you're back home too, it was so boring by myself when I came to check on things. It's just not the same without you around," Finn said, rolling around and smiling at her.

She laughed, content, laying there on the ground, her flowers waving at her in the wind.

"I'll have a lot of thank-you gifts to prepare this week though," she said. "But at least it's the end of the spring crop season and I won't have anything to take care of for a few days."

"Yeah, you got a long vacation!"

"Right, well I wish I wouldn't have gotten it the way that I did though," she said, frowning.

"Oh, well, no…I didn't mean it like that."

Molly laughed. "I know you didn't. You're right though…it was needed."

"Now what?" Finn asked. Molly wondered the same thing. Will things return to the way that they were before?

"I guess…I'll go and reserve the summer seeds soon and keep saving up to buy another plot of land and expand the barn…right?" she asked, uncertainly. That's what she was doing before and her goals haven't changed.

"Yeah…I guess so, huh?" Finn said, sitting up and looking out towards the road. "But before that I think you'll have to deal with some visitors."

"Huh?" Molly said, sitting up and looking at what Finn was pointing to. Who she saw walking up the pathway surprised her almost as much as Chase and Gill coming to visit that one night.

"Molly! It's been too long. We were wondering why you hadn't called lately only to find out that you almost drowned. I won't mention how upset I was to hear about it from mom first instead of you but we can save that for later. For now, just get up and come hug us!"

It seemed like Angela and her mom had come for a visit.