He began to imagine things in his mind. He wasn't sure if they were dreams or memories or hallucinations, but at least it meant that the pain wasn't so overwhelming that his brain was dying. Instead, it appeared his mind was becoming almost overactive in order to counter the agony.
He felt a new presence and a surge of joy flowed through him, helping once more to push back the pain. Finn. While he and Rey had settled on Yavin almost eight years ago, Finn and Rose had stayed on Kashyyyk with the small but still strong Resistance. Poe had left the militia in the capable hands of General Xylia Tico, Finn and Rose's second child, who had not only grown up with the Resistance, but had undergone training with Rey to help hone her moderate Force abilities. While Finn and Rose considered themselves 'retired' as well, they had found that they were comfortable on Kashyyyk.
He soon felt another surge of pain and knew that Rey had left; he felt no annoyance, knowing she had probably been at his bedside for hours, but he did find himself a bit lost, realizing how much her presence had been bolstering him. He focused on Finn's Force energy. While not nearly as strong as Rey, his power was still potent and Poe felt his heartrate decrease again as the pain eased a bit. Wait. His heart? He could feel his heartbeat! He focused on it, relieved to find even a tiny bit of hope that he was moving forward through this ordeal. One day at a time. Or week. Or month. He had no clue how much time had already passed.
Rey wasn't gone long, and he soon settled back into her beloved warmth. He could tell Finn stayed with her for a time and was grateful. This couldn't be easy for her; she would need the support of her friends, and Finn was to this day her best friend. The two would always share something that he would never be able to experience, and he had long ago come to terms with that. He just had to remind himself that he and Rey also had their own private story, one where any jealousy had long ago been defeated. Somehow, his brain immediately focused on the memory of that time…
XXX
"He's happy you're here," Rey told Finn softly after she returned from her break. She had walked from the clinic to their house and back, a good 5 kilometers round trip, but the exercise had done her good. She felt refreshed and ready to continue with her vigil.
"You can read his mind?" Finn asked, truly curious.
"No," she told him. "The venom is still blocking me there. But I can feel his emotions. He knows we're here and he knows he's safe."
Finn nodded, then asked, "How's Jagger?"
Rey snorted a laugh. "Being a typical teenager in the throes of guilt," she said. "He'll be fine, especially once his grandpapa wakes up." She looked at him. "How's Xylia?"
This time it was Finn who laughed. "Terrified," he told her. "Not only is she worried about Uncle Poe because she loves him, but she's having panic attacks about not having him to get advice from when she has a problem."
"Has she forgotten that you were once a General in the Resistance, too?"
"Dads don't count," he huffed.
Rey laughed. They talked for a while, and Rey happily soaked up the energy she felt coming from her friend. She understood why he and Rose had decided to stay on Kashyyyk, but she missed him.
After he left, promising to return later, she once again settled close to her husband, letting her mind roam. For some reason she was remembering a day long ago, and she wondered briefly if it was her connection to Poe that brought that day to mind, if he was remembering it, too.
It was the day of Poe's fortieth birthday. They were living on Kolbe at the time, the planet that Rey had been marooned on a few years earlier. The children that had come from Exegol had been fully integrated into Rey's school, and her third child, Samuel, was almost a year old. Suralinda and several of the other Resistance pilots had determined that Poe needed a huge party to celebrate his milestone birthday. Rey had actually gone on a short trip to Naboo with Rose and Jess just so she could find a dress to wear to the party; she was not a fan of dressing up, but she wanted to 'knock Poe's flight suit off.' She had never really worried about how quiet Poe was in the days leading up to the party, but things took a major turn once it arrived.
She had stepped out from the fresher in the new dress, a bit self-conscious but excited to see Poe's reaction. It was a beautiful turquoise color, and while the skirt was long, the dress was form-fitting and had a slit in the side that went far up her leg and the front plunged daringly low. She had never worn anything like it. However, Poe's reaction was not what she had been expecting.
"What the hell is that?" His eyes were wide and angry when he saw her.
Rey immediately felt hurt and embarrassed. "What do you mean?" she asked in a rather small voice.
"Gods, Rey," he told her, his brows furrowed. "You might as well just wear body paint. You'd be exposing a lot less!"
Her defenses kicked in. "Well, I love it."
He shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Well, it's not like we're going to be there long, anyway."
"Why do you say that?" Rey asked, aghast. "It's your party."
"One I didn't have any say over," he complained. "Let's get this over with."
She took his arm, even though he hadn't proffered it, and they left the house to walk across the grounds to the mess hall. Once there, they made their entrance, all smiles, and then Poe extracted himself from her and wandered over to several of the new pilots to talk. Rey tried not to let the hurt grow. Instead, she headed toward the other side of the room, putting on another fake smile as she got several compliments on the dress. She eyed her husband from time to time, dismayed to realize he had closed himself off from the Force and therefore from her.
After a while, someone started playing music and the center of the mess became a dance floor. Rey had never really liked to dance, but she expected Poe to eventually make his way over to her and ask. As time went on and he didn't, Rey became uneasy. Should she go to him? She still wasn't too sure on the protocol for events like this. She was saved from making any decisions when Beau asked her to dance. From there, one person after another kept her busy on the floor, and she found herself having at least a little bit of fun, though none of her partners were who she wanted. When Levi Kaye asked her onto the floor, she almost pleaded exhaustion, but she agreed. The young pilot was a recent addition to the Resistance, though he had flown with the New Republic for a few years. He had, in fact, been one of Poe's students when her husband had taught on Naboo for a year and had fought with them during the war with the Traagmol. Blonde and blue-eyed, the man was handsome, charming, and cocky, just like another pilot she knew. Though they had not met in person before he joined the Resistance, they had flown together in the battle above Naboo. His wit had her laughing within seconds.
The absolute anger and pain she felt coming through the Force caught her off guard. She knew exactly who it was coming from, and she searched the room frantically.
"Are you okay?" Levi asked as she stopped in her tracks.
Her eyes finally found him. His intense gaze caught hers from across the room and immediately she could feel him close himself off again, aware he had dropped his defenses by her look. He turned and stalked away. She looked at Levi. "I'm sorry. I have to go." She turned and headed to where she had last seen Poe.
Lama Spen suddenly stepped in front of Rey. She was the mother of one of Rey's students and she was a chatterbox. Rey stopped short and tried her best to keep her temper as the Talortai started praising her and gushing about how happy her son was to be Rey's student. Rey was trying her best to come up with something to say that would allow her to leave the conversation without being rude when Rose suddenly appeared.
"Lama!" the tiny woman said as she touched the Talortai's arm, bringing her attention away from Rey. Rose winked at her friend. "I have a question for you."
Rey hid her smile and nodded at them both as she went around them. As she made her way across the room, Finn came alongside her. "What's wrong?"
"I don't know," she told him honestly. "But whatever it is, it's personal." She looked at Finn with huge eyes.
Finn nodded and lightly squeezed her shoulder. "Let me know if you need anything."
Rey nodded her thanks, then continued on after her husband. She knew he had left the building, and she hoped that she could find him. She slightly regretted teaching him how to hide himself in the Force. She decided to head for home and start there, and was greatly relieved when she walked in and heard him. The babies were all staying with one of her student's family for the night, and both BB-8 and D-O were powered down at their charging stations, so it was quiet other than the shuffling noises in the bedroom.
She rushed in, only to find Poe absorbed in a datapad as he searched through the closet, almost as if he was doing inventory on their clothing.
"What the hell is going on?" she demanded without any preamble.
He glanced at her, his expression casually indifferent on the outside, but she could see the anxiety underneath. "I was thinking. We were talking a while back about maybe making Tatooine the next base for the Resistance. Knowing how much you adore the desert," his voice was viciously sarcastic, "and thinking that maybe we shouldn't move the Exegol kids again so soon, you should probably keep the school here on Kolbe."
Rey stood still, stunned by his words. "You want to separate the school and the base?"
He shrugged. "How many potential students have you lost because their guardians didn't want them to be associated with a military operation?" he asked. "The kids can stay here; Shaina will be starting training soon, anyway. But they can come to me whenever and for however long you want." His manner was still casual, but she could see the intensity in his eyes, even though he wasn't meeting her gaze.
"You want to separate from me?" Rey's voice was weak. Her heart squeezed in her chest.
He stopped moving suddenly in front of the vanity, his reflection in the mirror finally looking at her. "It's time, don't you think?"
"Time?" Rey's voice wobbled. "As if you expected it all along?" she challenged, her tone stronger. "Did the vows at our wedding mean nothing to you?"
He winced, looking away from her and staring at himself in the mirror. His jaw was tight and she saw him swallow. "Rey, you're not even thirty, yet," he said softly. "How am I supposed to keep up with you?"
Suddenly, it all made sense. "Is that what this is?" she seethed. "You think you're getting old?"
He turned to look at her. "When I hurt my back two weeks ago, I could barely get out of bed! You know I was never a fan of our age difference," he groused. "You would be so much happier with someone like Kaye. You two looked great together."
Rey wanted to laugh at him, but she knew he was serious. This was really bothering him. So, she let anger take over. "I've never known you to be so lacking in confidence as to be jealous, Poe Dameron," she growled. "Here I was, so looking forward to this night, because I wanted to show the whole galaxy how much I loved my husband. I even bought this damn dress just for him, imagined dancing with him while I wore it. And what do I get?" she paused, watching as he lifted his chin. "Some scared boy who's worried about grey hair and wrinkles."
She marched up to him and his spine stiffened. "I love you," she said firmly. "I love you more now than the day we married, grey hair and laugh lines and bad back and all." She watched as he closed his eyes and lowered his head, and she let her forehead drop down to touch his. "You know what I see when I look at you?" she whispered, then waited for him to open his eyes. "I see the most handsome, kind, charming, funny, sexy, best pilot in the galaxy. And I will never regret making him mine." She paused. "Do you regret making me yours?"
He immediately shook his head, the movement making her head move along with his. "Never," he whispered back. "Never."
"Then trust me when I tell you that I am in this until the end."
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes again, then he nodded, the movement making Rey smile as her head bobbed with his. She lifted her head and stepped back. He opened his eyes and looked her up and down.
"For the record, that dress looks kriffing amazing on you."
She grinned. "I'm glad you like it. Now you can help me take it off."
He shook his head. "Not yet," he told her, and she saw the familiar cocky grin form. "I owe you a dance."
"You owe me more than that, Dameron," she shot back.
Rey smiled as she recalled the rest of that night. It had been nothing short of spectacular as Poe set out to prove his back was indeed healed. It was the last time their age difference had been an issue. And it was the last time jealousy had ever come between them.
She lifted her head and looked at Poe, wondering if he was remembering the same thing she was. They often shared dreams when connected through the Force. She hoped so, because while their shared years had been full of trials and tribulations, they had always overcome them. And she wanted him to have faith that the same would be true now.
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