Chapter 8
Oh, You Say That Too?
One Week Earlier
A2 sat on the roots of the surrounding trees as she took in all the information that Weiss had just revealed. Needless to say, all of it was both unnerving and unbelievable.
"So…just to clarify…" she spoke. "You're telling me that this is the…third time the Earth has come under attack? First from these…Legion monsters, then second from the…Shades or Gestalts or whatever. And you're telling me all of the things that happened from those things were made possible by…magic?"
"In layman terms yes," Weiss replied.
"And that you fought against both the Legions and the Shades with your friend…Neir was it?"
"Well, the Shades, yes. The Legions I fought against during the days when I was still human, as a child soldier of the Hamilion Organization," Weiss clarified.
A2 sat in silence for a moment before speaking again. "Do you realize how ridiculous this sounds?"
"From your point of view yes," Weiss acknowledged. "Before the discovery of magic, mankind thought such a feat to be existing only in fantasy and folklore."
"How exactly does one 'discover' magic?" Three asked. She had been listening to the story that Weiss had told as well, and while she believed the majority of it more than A2 seemed to, there were a few parts that didn't add up? "Magic is everywhere."
"Penny for your thoughts," Weiss countered. "Do you know what the origin of magic is?"
Three opened her mouth to answer, but then found that words didn't come. As she thought about it…she really didn't know the answer. She remembered One tried to research into how magic came to be, but came up short around the year 800 or so. There was an academy in the late 80s of the 9th century that taught magic, but it was only how to use it. As for its origin, that's anyone's guess.
"I'll take your silence as a 'no,'" Weiss deduced.
"Well what about you?" A2 asked the floating tome. "If you know so much about the history of this planet, then do you how magic was discovered?"
"Sadly, no I don't," Weiss replied grimly. "Whatever transpired that let to humanity to discovering magic is something that happened long before I was born. I never had the chance to learn about the history of this world before then. Much of Earth's cultures and history was lost during the war against the Legions."
"Tch. Of fucking course," A2 grumbled. "Well if you can't prove anything to me, about that shit, then I've got no reason to believe you."
"Whoever said I didn't have proof?" Weiss retorted. The book's cover then suddenly opened up with a ruffle of fast moving pages. A brief flash of light happened, ending as soon as it started, and from it, four pages floated down. A2 grabbed two of them, while Three grabbed the remaining two.
"Project…Gestalt," Three read aloud.
"Yes," Weiss answered. "They very same experiment that I was unknowingly a candidate for."
"What the hell..." A2 whispered as she read her papers. "Devola and Popola were part of this?!"
Weiss turned to the worn out android. "I presume from your outburst that you are acquainted with the Devola and Popola units?"
"Well…sort of…I only met them once or twice in the Resistance camp," A2 responded. "Couple of oddballs there. Out of everyone in the camp, those two are the ones who stand out the most. And for whatever reason, at least from what I heard, they're not very well liked."
If Weiss were capable of it, his face would be expressing a thoughtful scowl. "Any reason why that may be?"
"Hell if I know," the roughed up gynoid replied. "But I heard a few people saying that…they…were the reason humanity was nearly extinct…?"
"Hmm…well, that perception is understandably confusing," Weiss replied. "I can see what would lead the other Androids to think that…but tell me, what do you think?"
"Me?" A2 scoffed. "I stopped giving a shit about fighting the 'good fight' ages ago. Whether or not those two were the cause for humanity's demise, it doesn't matter. Knowing won't bring them back."
"True," Weiss replied. "But would you really be content going the rest of your life without some sort of closure?"
A2 was about to say "no"…but then stopped herself just as she opened her mouth. To say that she wasn't at least a little bit curious would be a flat out lie. She may not have cared anymore, but there have been several times where she did wonder exactly what brought on their end.
"I can tell from your silence that you have thought about it at least once or twice," Weiss said.
"I am quite curious myself," Three chimed in, as she was still looking through the Project Gestalt papers. "The technology that was used to make these Gestalts possible sounds truly amazing."
"Ugh, fine!" A2 relented. "But you better not—"
SNAP!
A2 nearly jumped at the sound of a twig snapping. "Shit! How could I have gotten distracted so easily?"
"What was—" Three began, but then was immediately silenced by A2.
"Shh!" A2 shushed the purple-haired Intoner. "Don't make too much noise, or they'll hear us."
"…who will?" Weiss asked, whom would soon receive his answer in the form of a different female voice.
"Why did we get stuck with scouting crap?" a very irritated voice rang out. "Can't 2B and 9S take this? They're the experts when it comes to this anomaly shit."
"Because they're busy helping Popola and Devola with the human," a well composed and authoritive voice said. "And Jackass is currently investigating another anomaly in the desert. We're the only other androids available who know the most about these phenomena, and if it's another human like Sam, then all the more reason why we're the ones to look into it. The fewer androids know about this, the better."
"But…I thought humans were extinct…" a meek sounding voice spoke. "How…can Sam even be…well…here…"
There was a moment of silence that followed. A2 saw this as a good opportunity to see who was making all the noise. Weiss and Three followed behind as quietly as they could.
"Ugh, not them," A2 grumbled.
8B, 22B, and 64B. They were back.
"You know them?" Three asked.
"Not personally. They're just some grunts from YoRHa. Those particular three have been here once before looking for…stuff for something, I dunno what. I overheard they were getting things for…a lone human supposedly, but that's a load of bullshit. Three years later and nothing seems to have changed at YoRHa."
"Look, there's a whole lot about this that doesn't make sense," the leader, whom A2 identified as 8B spoke. "But the fact remains the boy in a coma is human. And we have proof that he is. A heart beat, arteries, actual body heat…and he's alive…and on earth…"
"Fuck…this whole ordeal is messing with my head…" 64B spoke rubbing her temples. "Look let's just get what we came here for so we can go ho—AUGH!"
TRIP!
WHUMP!
64B, not paying attention to her surroundings as she continued to walk, ended up tripping over two cardboard boxes full of…something…a whole bunch of things that the YoRHa androids, A2, Weiss, and Three had never seen before.
"Augh, fuck! What the hell?!" 64B cursed.
A2 couldn't help but snicker quietly. Three giggled a bit as well, finding the comedic moment quite humorous.
Needless to say, Battle Units were never really known to be aware of their surroundings when in a conversation. Though that was mostly just 64B.
"That…wasn't here before…was it…?" 22B inquired.
"I don't believe so…" 8B answered, not entirely sure herself.
A2 turned to look at Three with an accusing glare. "Seriously? You leave your shit out in the open like that?"
"Those do not belong to me, I assure you," Three replied. "I have never seen anything like those items or those containers in my life."
"…what? You've never seen cardboard before?" A2 asked incredulously.
"Card…board? Is that what those boxes are made out of? What kind of material is that?"
"It's mostly made out of paper," Weiss replied.
Now it was Three's turn to look incredulous. "That's paper?!"
"Shhhh!" A2 shushed the two irritating guests. If she was going to get caught, it wasn't going to be because of these two interlopers.
"'Sam's Game Consoles,'" 64B read aloud from one of the boxes. "' Touch without my knowledge or permission, and I'll kill you.' …ooookaaaaayyy…so this clearly belongs to the human boy that dropped in last week. If this note's anything to go by, he really does not want anyone touching this stuff…sooo…do we just leave it here?"
"For the Machines to possibly find?" 8B spoke with an incredulous edge in her voice. "Forget it. Sam can yell at us all he wants when he wakes up. Our priority is to safeguard both the human and anything that's related to him."
64B sighed. "Okay, fine. Not looking forward to when he wakes up then…PS2…PS3…PS4…Wii…Wii U…Switch…what the hell is this stuff?" The irritable battle android went through the items in the box, not having the slightest clue what any of them were. They didn't look like weapons. But then again, who knows what the Machines could repurpose them for?
"U-um…is that thing…some kind of monitor…?" 22B asked as she pointed to a large black…square thing on a built in stand sitting hear a tree with a pile of broken up wood that appeared to be either a table or a desk with shelves at one point. Miraculously enough, unlike the large pile of splintered wood, it had managed to stay intact from…whatever had brought it here. Same with the items in the box.
"Maybe…" 64B observed. "I sort of looks similar to the computer monitors and the TV set back at the Resistance camp…but…there's no possible way this is either of those…it's too big…and…much wider."
"Don't tell me we're going to take that too," 64B groaned.
"Do you want to disobey orders?" 8B asked incredulously.
"What 'orders?'" 64B countered. "YoRHa is bullshit, this war is bullshit, and so are our so-called 'orders!''
"Let me rephrase that then; do you want to give the Commander reason to suspect us of treason until we can figure out what to do in the future?"
64B just glared at her leader for a bit, but then relented with an exasperated sigh. "Alright fine. You win."
"Glad to know you continue to see reason, 64B."
"Don't patronize me. 22B, can you help me get the monitor thing?"
"U-umm, sure."
As 64B gathered up the boxes of strange items under her arms, 22B grabbed the large screen item.
"Okay, looks like that's it," 64B observed.
"Good. Let's get these things back to the resistance camp. Anemone can take it from there. Hopefully Jackass will be there when we get back, then we can compare notes."
64B sighed once again. "This whole thing makes zero sense..."
"Yes, so you've kept saying for the past several days," 8B said tiresomely.
"Because it hasn't made any sense for the past several days!" 64B exclaimed.
With that, the YoRHa Androids continued onwards to out of the woods. Only until their footsteps could no longer be heard did A2 breathe a sigh of relief.
"Thank God."
"So...care to inform me what that was about?" Weiss asked.
"Nothing really of importance," A2 replied. "Just some YoRHa lackeys that came here about at week ago looking for something for…fuck, I dunno, something human-related. Apparently they're convinced they found one that's still alive, which is a bunch of bullshit. No doubt another YoRHa trap."
"Hmm…I wouldn't be too sure…" Three said. "Their leader listed off some rather specific traits that this "boy" in question had to distinguish him as human."
"That's common knowledge," A2 asked. "All Androids possess knowledge of the general human body. Wouldn't make much sense to look like them if we didn't know a little bit about them."
"Common knowledge, perhaps," Weiss admitted. "However, knowing something, and seeing something are entirely two different things. Whatever it was they saw, it must have been real enough to be an actual human. Or a very convincing double."
"Yeah, an Android," A2 retorted.
"Do Androids generate body heat?"
A2 thought about this for a moment. "Generally, no. Unless we seriously over work ourselves. Or spend an extended time in the sun."
"Exposure to the heat of the sun is not the same as body…wait…where's our other companion?"
"Huh?"
Sure enough, when A2 looked over to her right…Three was nowhere to be seen.
"Ah—wh—where did—!"
Worried her cover would be blown in a matter of seconds, the rouge gynoid frantically looked around to find the purple clad Intoner.
Sure enough, after a few seconds, she was able to spot Three…whom was currently following the direction that the YoRHa Androids had gone.
"Wh—what is she—ugh, Goddamn it!"
A2 quickly and quietly left to pursue her new "friend" to make sure she doesn't compromise her.
Weiss sighed and perused the foul-mouthed humanoid. "I'm getting too old for this."
…
Present Day
A splitting headache.
That's what I woke up with the next day.
It felt like someone had shoved my head into a clasp for several hours, with an anvil on top of it.
So this is what a hangover feels like. Definitely a convincing fact to never drink again. Letting out a groan, I tried to force myself up out of bed, but with no luck.
"I told you that was gonna hit you in the morning," a husky female voice spoke into my ear.
…that was what woke me up for good. The warm breath from whoever was behind me scared the crap out of me to the point where I completely forgot that I was still missing my right arm and still had a sprained ankle. But I was immediately reminded when I failed to throw myself out of bed, and ended up throwing myself face first to the floor.
Again.
I really hoped this wasn't gonna be a thing.
I heard whoever was in bed with me lightly chuckle. "Y'know, I think I like you better with a hangover than I do with you drunk."
Failing to turn myself over, all I could do was attempt to respond. Which I failed at that as well.
"Damn, you really are a light weight," the voice said again. "Is this seriously your first hangover?"
It didn't take long, but I did manage to roll myself over, and then grabbed the side of the bed I was sleeping on to hoist myself up, soon to be greeted by the sight of…a really pretty girl with white hair, blazing crimson eyes, a bandage on her nose…aaaaaaand completely naked.
"Uh…uhhhhhhhhh…"
"For fuck sake," the girl said with an irritated tone. "Quit gawking. The amount of things you haven't done in your life is really starting to irritate me. You haven't gotten drunk before, you haven't fucked before—"
"Wait, what?!" I really hoped that last part wasn't what happened last night. "Did—did we—"
"Relax kid, you passed out way before anything happened," the girl replied. "Guys that can't handle their alcohol are a big turn off for me."
"Okay, one ouch, both physically and metaphorically, and two, if the whole one night stand shit didn't happen, why are you in my room?"
"Our room, dumbass. I sleep here too. You think the Resistance is a…shit what was that word…motle…motal…?"
Now it was my turn to chuckle. "Seriously? You don't know what a friggin' motel is? Now who's the dumbass?"
"Hey, up yours, lightweight virgin, I'm still learning all this future crap."
That last part confused me for a bit. "Wait, what do you mean…oooooohhhhhhh, right…" I had forgotten for a bit that I was stuck in the year 11,945 A.D. Damn, hangovers are brutal.
But…wait…"Hold on, you're from the past too?"
"Yeah," the girl replied. "Though apparently I'm much older than you."
"…wait….so…you're not an android?"
"Nope."
"You're human?"
"…well…sort of…"
"…huh?"
"Look, don't ask, I'm not really in the mood to explain. I've done that enough with Anemone and Jackass. Not that they believed most of it…"
"Uhhh…oooookaaaaayyy…" I wasn't really sure what she meant by that, but I decided not to pry. She was already in a pissed off mood, and I didn't feel like making worse by asking a question she didn't feel like answering. "Soooo….like how many years are we talking?"
"Well over a thousand, considering your year," the girl replied. "I don't remember the exact date…but I know it was some time in the 1020s."
"Ten tw…you're about two years shy of a thousand there….uhhhhhhhhh, who are you again? No, wait a minitue, what do you mean our room?!"
"One, I said some time in the 1020s, genius, two, it's Zero, and three, exactly what I mean by that. Your room is the only room available that's away from prying eyes."
I'd probably have a better time understanding those last two parts if I didn't have a pounding headache. "Wait so…does that mean you've been sleeping in the same bed as me for the past two weeks?"
"Oh, hell no," the girl named…Zero….oooookaaayyy…replied. "You got here a week before I did, and you crapped yourself the day I got here. I'm not sleeping with a guy who shits himself."
"I was…ow…in a fucking comma, you dumb bitch," I said, both irritated with my hangover, and with this girl's attitude. "You think people have any control over their bodily functions when that happens?!"
FWOOSH!
All of a sudden, I found myself face to face with a white sword that came out of nowhere into Zero's hand, as she pointed at me. "Watch your mouth, kid," Zero said, with a very threatening tone. "Otherwise I might sever your other arm."
"U-uh…I…uh…" This came totally out of left field for me, so I wasn't really sure how to react. Aside from being…kinda scared. A feeling that I suppose I should have familiar with by now, but this whole future post apocalyptic era was still completely surreal to me. So it hadn't really sunk in.
Zero then, to my surprise, laughed a bit as her sword vanished. "You're way too easy to mess with, kid."
I groaned both irritably. "I'm too hung over for this shit."
"Devola and Popola have go some…ass…sprain…something shit for that shit," Zero explained.
"Asprin…uhhh…what was your name again?"
"Zero!" said girl said, not even bothering trying to hide her irritation. "I literally told you that two minutes ag—rgh!" She didn't finish as she suddenly grit her teeth hard and held her right hand to her head. "Agh, fuck, what in the…rrrrgghh!"
I couldn't help but chuckle at how quickly this broad figuratively ended up biting her tongue. "Hahaha, okay, well, 'Zero,' assuming that's your real name, which I doubt, couple things. One, not unlike you apparently, for all that your feigning confidence was worth…"
Zero shot a glare at me. "Watch it, asshole." If looks could kill…
"I've got a hangover that's really starting to convince me that I should crawl back into bed, whether or not these sheets are even clean…"
"They are."
"And—shut up—and weather or not your bright and sunny ass is in it…"
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
"So—shut up—so excuuuuuuse me princess, if I'm having a hard time focusing on a conversation from three seconds ago, because I have a headache the size of Europe!"
"The fuck is 'Your-Rope?'"
"Sec—seriously, shut up."
"Make me, pansy-wuss."
"I—tha—you—rrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGG…second, as I was saying…Zero…seriously? That's what you decide to call yourself?"
"You got a problem with that?"
"Oh, no, no, nonono, not at all, badass name actually, it's just that, it's kinda, sorta, not really, well, original."
Zero looked at me with a bit of a blank expression on her face, no doubt trying (and failing) to understand the context of what I had just said. "What?"
"Heh, guess Mega Man X and Code Geass isn't a thing where you're from."
"What the hell is that?"
It was at that point, I got an awesome idea. Or, evil, depending on your perspective. "Oooohhhhh man, lemme tell ya, I've got a stockpile of stuff from the 21st cerntry to sh…uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhh…goddamn it…"
I had just remembered what happened to my bed. And if that was anything to go by…chances of the rest of my stuff surviving the trip here weren't that great.
"What?"
"Nothing," I sighed. "I just realized that I'm probably going to be ridiculously bored for however long I'm here."
"Tell me about it," Zero agreed. "I've tried going back out of the camp a few times to check out the ruins but Anemone is adamant that I don't. And Jackass seems to…sort of agree."
"Yeah, well, if there's more of those Machines out there, I'm none too eager to…wait, you want to go out there?"
"…to take out my confusion induced aggression…and aggression in general, on those machine things."
"Wouldn't recommend it."
"I can handle myself, kid. I've been in fights before."
"Is that why you have a swor—wait a minute, how did you pull that out of nowhere like that?"
"You're not gonna believe me if I tell you; no one else has."
"What, is it some crazy shit like magic?"
"….yeah kinda."
"…ugh…"
"…wait, that's it? You're not gonna question it?"
"I would…but my situation makes zero sense right now, so who am I to talk, and I'm too hung over to even form an argument or even care…"
"Good, cuz I don't wanna be responsible for giving you a black eye and then having to explain it to the Anemone and the twins."
"Is it wrong for me to wonder if you've been house broken as a kid?"
That…didn't really seem to sit too well with her. She gave me the harshest glare that would've given my mom a run for her money. "Okay, you what?!" Zero yelled.
But before she could continue, the door to my…ugh, our room opened up to reveal the red-head twins Devola and Popola walking in…without knocking.
"Okay, rise and shine, slee—whoa!" Devola was first walk in…and see both me and Zero naked.
"Oh my…!" Followed by Popola, whose face was turning just about as red as her hair.
"AUGH, JESUS!" Understandably freaked out by the sudden interruption, I scrambled to cover my…privates…which I had nothing to cover with, I had just realized. So I had to use my hands.
…ugh…fucking morning wood…and having three attractive girls in the same room really didn't help…
"…uhhhhhh…ooooookaaaaaaayyyy…" Devola spoke, not really attempting to make the situation any less awkward. "So…should we just…um…come back when you're done…fucking."
"Wh-hey, we weren't—!"
Zero chuckled. "Yeah, right. This guy can probably last with me about as long as he does with alcohol."
"Hey, you're not helping!"
"W-well…um…regardless…y-you…um…" Popola seemed like she was struggling to form a sentence…but she wouldn't…well…
"Please stop staring at me," I begged. I could literally feel my face heating up a thousand degrees.
"Popola, c'mon, it isn't like you haven't seen him naked before," Devola said to her twin.
"You what?!"
"Who do you think helped you change and clean up when you shit yourself?" Zero asked pointedly.
"Uuuuuuuuuuuugggghhhhh…kill me now…" I was really hoping I would die of embarrassment at this point.
"N-no!" Popola shouted defensively. "We won't do that!"
"He's not serious," Zero corrected. "He's just super embarrassed. It actually would be cute if it wasn't pathetic."
Cue internal screaming.
"Well…whatever you're doing…it's been nine hours so, it's gotta stop. Anemone wants to see you, so…make yourselves decent. We don't need you two attracting anymore attention than you already have," Devola explained.
"Wait, that's…the resistance leader, right?"
"Uhh…yeah…we told you that yesterday," Devola said. "Where the hell have you been?"
"He's hungover," Zero explained. "And…ugh…so am I…kinda…"
"Ouch," Devola commented.
"I told you drinking that much was not good for your condition, Sam," Popola said with a very worried expression on her face.
"Why…rgh…why didn't you talk me out of it?"
"We did," Devola said. "Several times. But Zero here basically dragged you away from us and gave you the strongest stuff in the camp. Said it was payback for her nose."
"Payback for…huh?"
"You broke my nose when you bashed me in the face with your head, ass," Zero said with much irritation in her voice.
"What?! Bullshit, when did that happen."
"When you were trying to run off, dumbass."
"When I was…wait I don't remember ever seeing…wait…" I did remember that I was grabbed from behind just as I was about to leave the camp, and then I head butted that person with the back of my head…and that it felt more like…an actual skull than metal… "Oooooooohhhhh…"
"Yeah, 'oh,' bitch," Zero cracked back.
"…sorry."
"How is your nose by the way, Zero?" Popola asked.
"Still sore sometimes, but other than that it's okay. I do kinda miss the whole regenerating thing with the flower, though."
"If half of that stuff you told us are true, you should be glad that it is gone," Devola commented.
"Whoa, whoa, what?" I interjected, confused as all hell about a few key details. "What the fuck are you guys talking about? Did I black out during the staff meeting? You can fucking regenerate?! Bullshit."
Zero sighed. "If I had a piece of gold for every time someone said that. And for the record, it's bullshit now, because I can't do it anymore. Which sucks for me."
"Sucks for you? At least you still have all your limbs attached."
"Better get used to it, kid."
"Uuuuuuuuuugh…" This woman, I was convinced, was going to drive me nuts. "Can I take a shower first. My breath smells like booze and I feel like I've been violated both mentally and physically. Ditto for my sanity."
"Sure," Popola said. "I've actually got a new set of clothes for you right here." She held up a set of…really ratty looking clothes…I guess that makes sense, considering where I am.
"Okay…but…where are the clothes I wore yesterday? I'm not walking to the shower in the nude."
Everyone pointed to the area behind me. I looked over…and saw my underwear, grey sweatpants…and blood stained, ruined, white tee shirt.
"Well," I sighed. "That's not coming out." But it was better than nothing.
What would be even better is if I had gotten used to the fact that I was missing my dominant arm. I once again stumbled as I tried to get myself up. Devola and Popola both quickly rushed to my side to help me up.
"You need to take it slow," Popola said, concern in her voice. "Your body is off balance and you still have the sprain."
"Yeah," I grunted in slight discomfort. "I noticed."
"We'll help you get your clothes on," Devola spoke. "Zero, can you help him to the showers?"
"If I have to," Zero grumbled.
"Wait, what? Why does she have to take me?" I asked pointedly. "Can't you just tell me where it is and I…oh…right…" Fucking sprain and balance.
"Yeah, I'm real happy about this too, numb nuts."
"It would also probably be a good idea for you to shower with him as well so he doesn't fall over," Popola added.
"Oh what the sweet crispy fuck?!" I exclaimed.
"Oh, you say that too?" Zero added.
…
AN: FINALLY. A lot of stuff happened the past few months in my life. I was going to make this chapter a bit longer, but I think fifteen pages is enough for now. Best not to make too much work for me.
Also, I was kinda busy with KH III and video editing some other stuff. Great game, buuuuuuuuuut the pacing of the narrative was…choppy at best. Hopefully that'll get fixed with the story expansion DLC. Also they got REALLY lazy with Arendelle. Honestly, I would've been content with waiting until Frozen II was made for it to come out. There probably would've been a lot more for Square to work with. Of course that would depend on what the sequel contains, which from what the trailer showed us, looks pretty interesting.
Also, Joker in Smash is…interesting. He plays a LOT differently than any other character in Smash Ultimate and does take some getting used to. But when his Persona activates…watch out. One additional fighter down…four more to go. Who's gonna be next, I wonder?
Also, who's excited for Endgame this weekend? Word of advice: STAY AWAY FROM DRINKS BEFORE THE FILM. It's gonna be three friggin hours long.
Anyways, I think now I'm gonna try to get another chapter out for Bass Battle Network DxD: Axess. So, sorry if not a whole lot happened in this chapter, but I like to make sure things are well developed in my stories. And that means taking the long road to things. It's going to be some time before we get to some things in cannon.
Until then, STAY TUNED