Chapter 89

Promptly at 2:00p.m. Edith arrived at the surgery, ready to upgrade her paper. Louisa popped head around the door, "I'm going for my nap. I'll set the alarm so that I don't sleep too long. 'Afternoon Edith." She gave a brief greeting to the visitor and left them to it.

Martin immediately set to work by pointing out some duplications and other possible areas where it could be better expressed.

Edith agreed with some of his points but argued that she needed to impress certain people and that what she'd written, "flowed" better.

"Yes, but the paper will be published to a wider community. Surely you want it to read as good as it could do, and not clutter it up with jargon which doesn't add to the authority?"

"Perhaps, but I have to impress my target audience first, as I'm relying on them to make sure my future work receives proper funding."

They discussed the paper some more and then Martin said, "You've quoted George Richard's work, but haven't credited him in your references. You need to amend that."

"Haven't I? I was sure I hadn't missed anyone out. Thanks for pointing that out."

Eventually they couldn't find any more corrections and Martin told her he didn't have any time left. He wished her well, and pretty much ushered her swiftly to the door.

"Well goodbye, Ellingham. I may see you around and about. Best wishes to Louise." With that she went out to her car and drove away. She was not in a very happy frame of mind. Ellingham had not exhibited any signs of wanting to renew their relationship, and indeed, seemed totally wrapped up in that country bumpkin he'd married.

Meanwhile Louisa had set the alarm and was laid down on the bed trying unsuccessfully to get to sleep. However, her thoughts were churning round in her mind. The arrival of Edith with her svelte body and London chic had thoroughly ruffled Louisa's equanimity.

She tossed and turned for more than half an hour before giving in and going downstairs. Deciding to take a walk along the cliff path, she left an explanatory note for Martin on the kitchen table and set off.

The day was pleasantly sunny, but not overpoweringly so. Looking out into the bay she could see several fishing boats coming back into the harbour. Hopefully with full catches on board. She thought about going down to Eric's in the morning to get some fresh fish.

She sat on the bench, strategically placed on the cliff-top to give walkers a place to rest along their hiking route. Her mind was in turmoil over her reaction to Martin's comments this morning on the dangers of getting fat by eating unsuitable foods. "What was the matter with him? Why was he always mentioning her size? She was seven months pregnant, of course she was bigger!"

Then there was his dog-in-the-manger attitude to the Quiz Night fiasco with Danny. The more she thought through things the unhappier she became.

"Louisa." Martin's quiet voice made her jump as she'd not heard him approach.

"You found my note, then?"

He spread his arms, "As you can see. May I sit down with you?"

Louisa shrugged but moved across the bench to give him space. He sat and then he too, looked across to the harbour. He contemplated the quiet scene and felt something approaching an inner peace. With the fresh sea air, the rural scene spread beneath him, he was glad he'd chosen to come and be a GP here. He was married to a beautiful woman, who was carrying his child! Something he'd never envisioned for his life.

"Er, Louisa. You seemed upset this morning when I cautioned you about the effects of too many fats and calories. I was expressing my concern for your welfare. That is all."

With this statement Louisa's pent-up emotions exploded. "Indeed, Martin? It seems to me that you are becoming more and more controlling in this relationship! Don't do this, don't do that! I'm beginning to feel suffocated. Haven't we just spent two weeks having a great time on holiday? Didn't I fully express my love for you the other night? What do I get? 'Don't you think you are getting fat enough, Louisa. Piling on more weight will be harder for you to lose!'

"You seem to be criticising everything I do! Terms such as; do you think going to a pub is a good idea? Ignoring my schoolfriend Geoff when we were at the theatre. Sneering at my friends in Portwenn. I feel you are denigrating me when you do that!"

To say Martin was shocked at this outpouring of feelings, was an understatement. "But, but that has never been my intention! I simply want to take as much care for you as I can. I am a doctor, after all!"

Louisa went on, "When we married, I agreed to be your wife and partner. That is, I agreed to be an equal partner, not some junior to be told what I can and can't do! I love you Martin but your attitude at times, is positively Victorian! You know how much I eat, as you prepare the majority of the meals. All optimally nutritious, of course. Once a week I have a sweet treat with a cup of tea and I have a chat to Joan. That does not count as over-eating in any way, shape or form!"

"With the advent of the smart, thin Edith back into your life, I feel undermined and distinctly second class."

Martin had spent the majority of his working life safely cocooned from emotional outbursts from distraught females as, other than Edith who was as indifferent as he was, he had no real appreciation of their thoughts, fears and hopes.

He slumped back on the seat and his head went down. He fought to understand what had just happened. She was obviously very upset with him, but the reason why just didn't occur to him. He was only trying to do his best. He hadn't considered the effect that his words would have on a female who was already suffering a crisis of confidence in her own appearance, much less to seemingly, have it rammed down her throat at every opportunity.

"Shall we go back to the cottage, Louisa? You've been out for some time now."

Louisa sighed. He just doesn't get it, she thought. Perhaps if I don't mention it for a while, he'll gradually work it out. She got to her feet and said, "Come on, then."

They ambled back to Fern Cottage and Louisa went to sit on the couch. "Would you like a drink, Louisa?" Martin asked.

"Just a glass of water, thanks."

He got two glasses of water, handing one to her before sitting with his own at the kitchen table. He watched her and tried to suss out just what it was that was so upsetting to her. In the end he decided he should perhaps go and talk to Joan. She might have a better understanding of the situation.

"Ah, I'm going out to fill the car up. Do you need anything?"

Louisa just shook her head and picked up her book. "I'll read for a bit. It's too early for tea."

He left, then called in to the garage to tank up. A bunch of flowers took his gaze and he bought those as well. "Perhaps these will cheer her up," he thought.

He went into the farmhouse and was glad to see Joan sat at the table reading the local weekly paper. "Martin! Is everything alright? Has anything happened with Louisa?" she gasped.

"No, no, no Auntie Joan. Physically she is fine. However I am struggling to understand what I did wrong this morning? Later this afternoon Edith came and I helped her with her paper and then she left. When I went to see where Louisa was, I found a note saying she hadn't been able to sleep and so had taken herself for a walk along the cliff path."

"I went up there and found her sat on the bench. When I asked her what the matter was, she just exploded at me! Calling me a control freak. I tried to explain I was looking after her welfare, but she ignored me and went on a diatribe of my apparent faults. Really Auntie Joan, I don't understand?"

Joan looked at him. He seemed so woebegone and she could see that he was genuinely clueless. "Martin you are a very, very good doctor providing you are dealing with things which are tangible and within your sphere of expertise. When it comes to understanding emotions and their effects on different people, you are woefully ignorant. Thanks in no small part, to your parents."

"Louisa is not a logical person. Her emotions play a large part in her thinking. Try putting yourself in her shoes for a minute. There you are pregnant and knowing that the baby inside you will get bigger as time goes on."

Martin interrupted, "But that is what happens. It's part of the process."

"Yes, at some level Louisa understands that, but when she looks at herself in the mirror, she sees a fat person. Totally unlike how she thinks of herself normally. She finds this extremely stressful, as her appearance is important to her. You obsessing about biscuits or cake only reinforce these negative thoughts. She thinks you find her unattractive because of her weight gain. Now, do you see?"

Martin sat back. He just didn't really understand the logic behind the emotions which Louisa was displaying.

"Haven't you ever had any male patients come in and complain about their wife's constant mood swings? This can be especially evident when they are pregnant or going through the menopause. Their hormones are all over the place! Surely as a doctor you know this?"

The realisation came to Martin and Joan could see he was extrapolating the information she'd just given him.

"Are you saying this is just a feature of pregnancy, and therefore not really about me?"

"No Martin, it is about pregnancy hormones, but a great deal of it is about you. Always stressing the negative aspects of a situation instead of easing the fears being displayed."

"Of course, I blame your parents, who never had a good word to say about you and who belittled most of your achievements. Don't fall into the same trap with Louisa. Praise her good qualities and reinforce the fact that you love her. If you don't, you'll only add to her current lack of self-confidence."

"Louisa's had to live with the condemnation of her father's actions and has battled hard to overcome the negative attitudes to herself, as a consequence. She wants to be liked for herself, not as someone's idealised version of what a woman should be."

"You on the other hand, give the impression of being impervious to insults and criticism, but the fact that you are here means you are just as vulnerable."

Martin thought about what Joan had said. Looking back he realised how demeaning some of his comments must have seemed to Louisa. When he made them, he had no idea of their impact on a woman who was already in an emotional condition.

"Thanks Auntie Joan. I think I see what you mean. I'll try and do better from now on."

Martin took his leave of her and went back to the surgery.