The first week of school was surprisingly uneventful. On campus everyone seemed to mind their own business, largely due to the staff who were normally present in the hallway. They honestly fascinated me… I couldn't understand why anyone would go out of their way to work with teenagers when they made it very clear that they hated them with every fiber of their being. Still, it was nice to have some sort of schedule to keep me up and moving and keep my classmates out of my personal space, even if it was only for a few hours. With assigned seating even Wyatt stayed out of my hair during the Japanese class we shared.
Study breaks on the other hand, seemed to follow their own set of rules, most of which were as long as we were quiet, the teachers, or prison guards as most of the students called them, didn't pay us too much attention. It was a silent free for all.
"Do you have any plans tonight?" Wyatt whispered to me over the top of his open display of text books and exam papers. I thought about lying and saying I was training, but being a big fan of the game I was certain he knew I wouldn't start truly training for another few months.
"How many times do I need to tell you that I don't care about Tea Shop Girl's boobs?" I asked, my eyes not leaving the book I was pretending to read.
"We aren't planning on leaving campus." He giggled, "We were just gonna go into the woods and have a fire. The weather is getting colder and we had been talking about starting up again once autumn hit."
Okay I'll admit, the stupidity of that statement got my attention.
"Wyatt, I know you said the night watch doesn't actually do their job, but a fire pit drawing up smoke in the woods right on campus seems like an idiotic idea even from your mouth."
He giggled. He was surprisingly resilient to my insults.
"Like I said," He continued, "We only do this during the autumn. There's a small number of rich assholes who pay money to hunt in the woods during the cooler seasons, no one has ever been caught and I'm not even sure many kids outside of us have attempted it. We've never run into anyone and there's usually maybe a dozen of us on a good day so it's not enough of a number to make anyone suspicious or for anyone to hear it through the grape vine. All we do is have a fire, drink too much and act like idiots. The only thing different will be the fire and the alcohol."
I raised an eyebrow at him.
"I'm assuming the fact that we aren't old enough to drink means nothing in this situation."
"We have our ways of getting what we need." He winked playfully. I wasn't sure if that was supposed to mean something inappropriate or if I was spending too many lunch breaks with these guys and their perverted jokes were starting to effect my trust issues.
"It's not really my kind of scene." I shrugged.
"You'll have a good time, I promise."
You know, you can say what you want about my personality, but for someone who was usually called an asshole I was beginning to realize how much of a tool I actually was. Next to my team it seemed like these guys who forced me to interact with them against my will were able to talk me into doing just about everything that I had no interest in due only to the fact that I had absolutely nothing better to do.
"I actually do need to go into town sometime soon." I said, changing the subject. "I have some supplies I need for classes."
The school, due to having an arrangement regarding my custody, was required to provide me with a small allowance for necessities, likely due to knowing that classes would expect me to provide my own supplies and knowing that I had absolutely no money at my current disposal.
Wyatt's face lit up as though I just said I was taking an exotic dance class and offered to show him my moves.
"I feel like I've been waiting forever for you to say that!" He yelled, immediately being scolded and given a morning detention for Saturday.
I smirked slightly at his misfortune.
As Wyatt silently cursed the prison guard, Avery made his way back to us with the book he had left to look for ages ago.
"Still no Emile or Henri?" He asked. "Do you think they're having sex in the stairway again?"
Wyatt giggled, some color filling his face when he noticed I was looking at him. Was he serious or joking?
"It's an inside joke." He said without me needing to ask. "They wander off together sometimes for a bit of alone time and whenever our classmates notice they say that they're having sex in the stairway. I'm pretty sure they've never actually done it."
Actually, I hadn't realized they were together. They aren't particularly romantic with each other.
"It's never gonna last." Avery stated, "Emile just wants a boyfriend. He tried hooking up with Wyatt last year after the whole thing with Haru."
Now a more genuine blush filled out Wyatt's face, putting an immediate stop to his childish giggles. If looks could kill I was quite sure Avery would currently be on fire.
Admittedly I thought about asking what had happened between him and Haru just to make him more uncomfortable, but I was concerned he might come under the impression that I cared, which I really didn't.
He quickly changed the subject.
"Kai wants to go downtown with us after school." He said. "He can come with us to get alcohol."
Now hold on I never agreed to that at all.
"Fuck yes!" Avery attempted, unsuccessfully, to shout quietly before getting scolded and also given a morning detention. At this rate I would at least have tomorrow morning to myself.
"We aren't old enough to drink." I reminded them. "Also if people actually are hunting in the woods in the campus wouldn't going out there in the middle of the night in the pitch black be dangerous? If I wanted to be shot I would have killed myself years ago."
Okay I'll admit that was dark even for me. This entire idea was stupid, even me agreeing to go into town with them was stupid. They were annoying and immature.
Wyatt looked sheepishly at me, cocking his head to the side and leaning into my shoulder.
"Please?" He asked in fake, childish innocent, completely unphased by the fact that I had just made a suicide joke. I pushed him off of me.
"I just have things I need to get."
He pouted at me, crossing his arms to his chest.
"You're no fun." He said. "But you're still coming to the bonfire with me tonight. Otherwise we aren't gonna help you get downtown."
I rolled my eyes, avoiding looking at him as much as I could. I had thought about informing him that if they did have a bonfire it would be after we had already gone into town, meaning that he had absolutely zero leverage on me.
"Look, study break is almost over and I'm supposed to visit the counselors office after school. I need to start getting ready to go..."
That wasn't entirely true. On Fridays I was supposed to meet with my case worker and tell her that everything is going fine and that I'm not suicidal or something like that, but as I'm looking to avoid the frenzy of inevitable gossip that I'll face if any of my classmates find out why I'm actually here, a little white lie is harmless.
Either way this would be a perfect time to get myself out of a conversation that involved the underage consumption of alcohol, I put my books and papers into my messenger bag and made my way to the door without them, slipping out just as the bell rang.
Ono-San sat quietly on a small stool, likely waiting for me to be the one to initiate conversation. She gave up after several seconds of silence.
"You've been staying out of trouble in school." She stated. "That's good. How are your grades?"
I shrugged at her, fidgeting with my thumbs and adverting my eyes more at my shoes than at her.
"I haven't been here long enough yet. They're still working on getting any work reports finished for me."
She nodded and scribbled something on the clip board she held in her lap.
"Are you making friends?"
"I don't want friends."
She looked at me curiously after that remark, raising an eyebrow and again writing some kind of note.
"Well," She continued. "You'll be happy to know that your case is beginning to move along, even if be a tad slowly. You have some medical reports from your BBA fitness exam that we were able to find, but it seems you never had family doctor during your time in Japan. We're working on getting your Russian medical information and we're continuing to search for a record regarding either of your parents whereabouts.
Wait, what?
My interest now peaked, I looked at her.
"My parents aren't in my life." I reminded her. "I haven't seen or heard from them since I was a little kid. If they wanted me in their lives they would have contacted me years ago. They knew how to find me."
Her shoulders dropped ever so slightly and I finally understood why some people referred to silence as awkward. A heavy tension had suddenly filled the room.
"Kai," Ono-San stated. "We our currently looking into whether or not both of your parents are living. We have a lead on where your father may be located but your mothers trail has essentially run cold. I want you to be prepared for the possibility of your mother being deceased."
A lump formed in the back of my throat and I felt a sudden weight hit the pit of my stomach while I silently admitted to myself that I had never thought about that possibility. I really didn't remember my mother and wasn't even sure when she had left. I thought it had been at the same time as my father did but now that I thought about it there was a possibility is had been before that. I assumed they were trying to gather information from my grandfather but I had learned from an early age not to ask questions about my parents.
"Is that something you would be able to figure out?" I asked shyly.
"We can look into death certificates but due to her last known whereabouts being in Moscow in the year 1997 we're going to have a difficult time tracing much more information."
1997. I would have been around six at that time. Was that the last time I saw her?
"My grandfather has ties to the Russian mafia throughout the 90s, have you been able to ask him about her?" My interest regarding this subject was fully peaked now.
"Your grandfather has been reluctant to work with us due to his criminal record. We're hoping that once he's sentenced we may be able to get more information out of him." She paused briefly. "Due to some information we've uncovered we believe it would be best for you to also be working with a therapist."
That was where she officially lost my interest.
"I don't want to see a therapist." I stated. "I should be able to decide that on my own."
"If you were an adult I would agree with you, but due to you being a minor and due to some concerns we have regarding both your case file and your anti-social tendencies we have the right to veto that decision. You'll report here every other Wednesday after your classes to an assigned counselor."
I was squeezing my fists hard enough that nearly all of the color had drained from them and I was struggling to control my breathing. This was all happening way too fast. Did I get a say in anything that would be happening to me? Was this how it was going to be until I turned 18? Everyone just gets to tell me what to do and I'm expected to accept it? This wasn't fair.
"I want to leave now…" I mumbled, my chest tightening.
"You're free to go back to your dorm." Ona-San said with a nod, not a shred of actual emotion in her voice. "We'll talk again next week."
I quickly grabbed my messenger bag and threw it over my shoulder, intentionally letting my bangs hang over my face so that no one could see me and I didn't have to look at them.
I needed to get out of this room. I needed to just get to my dorm and lock myself in where I could at least meditate for a moment and calm my composure, but the more seconds that went by the more I realized I didn't recognize any of the hallways anymore. I didn't remember where I was. I wasn't sure what floor I was on or what my dorm number was. Something was happening to me that I didn't recognize and for the first time since I got here I actually wanted Wyatt and his friends to find me. Someone needed to help me right now.
I walked. I didn't care which direction, I just walked without thought until I was inside of a different building.
Okay… I thought to myself when my eyes focused themselves on the entryway to the cafeteria. I at least know I'm in the right building. I'm on the second sophomore floor, I remembered.
"Kai?"
My vision was still a bit distorted when I turned around, trying to find who had called my name. Why was I so confused right now?
I hand rested on my shoulder, giving me a starting point to follow. I let my gaze fall, following the hand and arm until my eyes were able to figure out who they were attached to.
Henri and Emile were both with me now.
"Are you okay?" One of them asked, I didn't catch which one.
"I'm fine."
A sensation hit me suddenly like when you dream that your falling, a zap of electricity hitting me like a slap in the face.
As quickly as whatever just happened to me had started, it was now over. I was at school, it was Friday, I needed to go into town and grab a few things.
"Yeah," I repeated, more in control now. "I'm fine."
I looked to where Henri and Emile had been to find that I was no longer on the first floor and to find that Wyatt and Avery had joined us.
"Huh…?" Henri said, raising an eyebrow at me from one of the large couches.
"You asked me if I was okay." I reminded him. Had I been sitting this entire time and not realized it? "I'm alright. I just wasn't myself for a minute. I think the amount I had to study this week messed with my head a bit."
Why were they all looking at me?
"Yeah," Emile responded. "You already said that. You said it half an hour ago."
"Do you think you should go to the nurse?" Avery asked me while I attempted to remember when he and Wyatt got here. They were all being oddly quiet.
"I'm gonna lay down for a bit." I answered, walking to the elevator without giving any of them a chance to follow me. We could go into town tomorrow. We had plenty of weekend left.
With very little recollection of how long I was walking or if I was going the right way I was still able to make it back to my dorm room, closing the door behind me before the same lump fell into the back of my throat as when I was speaking to my case worker. My hands were shaking and I thought my legs might give out if I didn't sit down, meaning the floor would need to suffice. I focused on the heaviness of my breathing, trying to figure out how to slow down my thought process and relax myself.
I couldn't fight it anymore…
Reminding myself that I was alone and that no one would see me, I buried my face into my knees like a little kid.
Then I cried.