Chapter 12

Weeks seemed to be flying by lately, no doubt directly related to the countdown towards our midyear finals that was currently in the works; draining every ounce of life that we had until we had become more machine than human. We now ran on nothing but caffeine and cigarettes.

Papers and textbooks took up the library table space that had once been our area of solitude, overthrowing the typical conversations you'll find a midst a group of adolescent boys and replacing it with mathematics equations and historical documents of which we were expected to have memorized before winter break.

That was the thing about spending the vast majority of your childhood being home schooled- homework, tests, finals… it was all still a relatively foreign concept for me, now making its way into my life faster than an all you can eat buffet into Tyson's stomach.

On top of that I was also still being whispered about in the hallway on a regular basis and learning how to handle the typical antics of teen drama on top of puberty… I was having a growth spurt and my clothes were getting snug. I was taller than Wyatt now, though; so that was something.

To be honest, I had low expectations of myself when it came to test scores. I was currently maintaining a C average and that included me actually handing in homework assignments. I definitely seemed to do better with language and literature classes; I could even grasp a small conversation with Wyatt and Avery in English now, but that was mostly due to the fact that I knew all of the swear words and they seldom used much else. I had also come to the conclusion that Max cusses like a sailor when he thinks we can't understand him, which Wyatt claims is more of a New York thing than an individual quirk.

Piling my papers and text books together in an absent minded clutter I would lie to myself about organizing later, I stuffed everything in my messenger bag and threw it over my shoulder, waving off a silent goodbye and leaving before study was dismissed. It was Friday again, meaning I was expected to meet Ono-San in one of the meeting rooms and listen to her make another meaningless attempt to convince me it would be beneficial to have another supervised visitation with my father.

Throughout the past few weeks I had been waiting anxiously for her to mention my current profound internet fame but it appeared that she had never discovered the well known school blog or had made an elective decision to ignore it, both of which were fine with me.

She had recently mentioned that my attitude was improving, though, whatever that meant.

"Your time in school seems to have made a significant improvement regarding your social skills." She stated, a thin smile crossing her face. "Your teachers have mentioned that you display good behavior for the most part, you're staying out of trouble and it seems that you've even made some friends." I shrugged. Even at my worst I was always more of an introvert than a trouble maker. "Still I think it would be a good idea to discuss your reluctance to see your father again along with what happened to you last time you were there."

"Nothing happened." I stated. "I didn't want to be there and was forced to go anyway."

"Kai," She sighed, removing her glasses and cleaning them on her sleeve. "Your therapist believes that you might be a better candidate for a psychologist. She's worried about your repressed memory and disassociation, but to get to the bottom of your mental health concerns we need you to open up about the abuse during your childhood."

I said nothing. I could only have this conversation so many times before accepting that no one was going to listen to what I wanted to do regarding my own life.

Appearing to understand that I did not wish for the current conversation to continue, Ono-San excused me, allowing me to make the shameful walk back to my dorm room while attempting to ignore the quiet whispers and giggles that I still found my classmates making in my direction, silencing the normally noise filled hallways that I had become accustomed to. The current gossip surrounding my high school existence was directly related to my relationship with Wyatt and whether or not it was… well, a relationship. At this point I was just waiting for the inevitable news article regarding whether or not I was in the closet, a question I myself still didn't have an answer to and a magazine that I was confident I would someday find framed in Tyson's bedroom purely to mock me.

I wanted to lay down and take a nap. Actually I would have been okay with a coma at this point but a nap might have to suffice as I wasn't sure a coma would be seen as an acceptable excuse to miss finals.

Dropping my messenger bag by the door, I stripped and lay down on my bed while wishing I wasn't too proud to just kill myself and not have to deal with shit anymore. It had actually been awhile since I'd found myself this tired so early in the day and I wondered if I stayed in bed whether or not Wyatt would sign in for me at dinner.

I had a headache, something that had recently become a common part of my daily life; on top of that I was having a hard time staying warm since the weather was changing so drastically. Pulling a blanket over my head, I allowed the false darkness to drown me.

I was asleep within seconds.

I walked quietly down the long driveway, admiring the steel fence my father had opened with a pass code in order to drive the car through. I had never been to a building this large before, mostly just seeing them on television or when driving through the city. Now I walked hand in hand with my mother toward a large stoop adjacent to a door that I silently wondered the age of, the stained wood and metal knocker giving the appearance that most children would associate to belonging to a castle hundreds of years ago.

"Did you really grow up here?" My mother whispered to my father, pulling me alongside her as we made our way up the large number of steps.

"It's hard to believe, isn't it?" My father laughed.

Continuing to take in my unusual surroundings, I wrinkled my brow in confusion.

Was that where we were? At the house my father had grown up in? My parents had explained to me before we left our house that my grandfather was his dad, but I still wasn't sure I fully understood. The idea that my father had a life before me and was once a child was a concept I still didn't quite grasp.

Outside of a few neighborhood friends and their families I wasn't sure I had ever met any of my relatives. I had no brothers or sisters and neither did my parents. All I truly understood was the three of us and that we made up a family.

"Do you want to ring the doorbell?" My mother asked me. Shaking my head, I brought my face down low, keeping my bangs over my eyes and making an attempt to hide behind her. "You don't have to be shy." She said. "He's your grandfather, he's part of our family."

My father took the reigns and knocked loudly, startling me.

"My father hasn't seen you since you were a baby." He laughed, brushing my hair back. "I can imagine he'll be surprised to see how big you've gotten."

The door opened and we found ourselves face to face with a butler, an experience I wasn't accustomed to.

"Is this a house?" I asked, freezing in my tracks as my mother attempted to pull me inside. My father knelt down to where I was, placing a hand on my shoulder gently.

"It's a very big house, it's called a mansion. This is where I used to live when I was growing up."

It still didn't feel real to me. How come we didn't have a butler or a mansion or a big garden and iron fence? Pulling my mothers arm, I buried my face shyly.

"I don't wanna go in." I whined. Everything felt so intimidating, it was big, it echoed, it felt like the kind of place you would be sent if you got in trouble.

My mother paid me no mind, taking me under the arms and pulling me up onto her hip. I wrapped my arms around her neck and hid my face, mumbling a childish protest as I was carried inside.

I could hear the sound of adults greeting one another and felt a shift in weight as my parents sat down on a long leather couch, my mother placing me in her lap and pulling me into her chest.

"Kai, stop fussing." She told me gently, brushing her fingers through my hair. I had pulled my knees into my chest, hoping that somehow this would make me invisible, yet when I lifted my head I found myself eye to eye with an exceptionally tall man, long gray hair past his shoulders and a face stern and serious.

Although he looked directly at me, when he spoke it was to my father.

"How old is your boy now?" He asked.

"He'll be five this August, we've actually been looking into having him start school this year. He'll be a bit on the young side in regards to his classmates, but he's smart." My father wrapped his arm around my mothers shoulder. Misa has even been teaching him Japanese, they say that learning a second language comes easier when they're young and it would be nice for him to be able to communicate with her family as well."

My grandfather didn't seem to disagree, nodding his head calmly.

They spoke for a long time about schools, primarily about whether or not it would be best for me to attend a public or a private school, not that I knew the difference between the two.

Although it calmed my nerves for them to have a conversation as though I wasn't there, speaking about me while paying me near no attention, I soon found myself succumbing to boredom. After so much time listening to a conversation I didn't understand I felt my eyelids get heavy and was now struggling not to fall asleep. I had decided awhile ago that I was too old for naps and my parents had given up trying to overrule my protests.

It was then that my grandfather finally explained his reasoning for inviting us over. He had partnered up with a man named Boris and together they had developed a monastery for boys, working closely to develop mental and physical training regiments which he believed could guarantee powerful and successful men.

"You want to home school him, essentially?" My father asked, not sounding like he understood the conversation any better than I did.

"No, he would still have a teacher, but it wouldn't be a typical school environment. I could guarantee his safety from the mafia and monitor his abilities; if he's capable he could begin living in The Abbey with the other boys. Think of it like military school."

My parents seemed unsure of the opportunity, telling him that we would need to discuss it as a family before agreeing not to overstay our welcome and leaving.

Reverting back to my state of discomfort and shyness I held my mothers arm tightly, trying to persuade her to carry me again, something that I had also recently been protesting that I was too old for.

When she picked me up, wrapping my legs around her front so that I looked over her shoulder, I found myself once again face to face with my grandfather staring at me, judgment in his eyes.

Mumbling a quiet goodbye, I hid my face in my mothers neck, anxiously awaiting the feeling of being back in our own house where I didn't need to see him.

He gave me the creeps.

My head was pounding when I awoke and the blanket I was curled up in seemed to hurt my skin, which felt sensitive to the touch. Reluctantly I rolled over, the light of my clock easy to spot in the pitch black of night. It was nearly midnight, meaning I had slept for about six hours and was still exhausted.

Ignoring the feeling of being lightheaded, I got up, immediately regretting that decision as the air hit my bare skin.

It was fucking freezing in here, something that caught me off guard as I was normally one to run relatively warm. Honestly the only reason I didn't like winter was because I liked having something to complain about and the cold was an easy target.

I hadn't bothered telling anyone after classes were over that I was going to my room and I hadn't actually planned on going to sleep, meaning it was possible that someone had come looking for me at some point, likely getting no response when they knocked on my door.

Absentmindedly and still not exactly in a state that I would refer to as 'awake', I rummaged through my drawers, throwing on a pair of sweats and putting socks on before leaving the arctic tundra that was currently my dorm room.

The hallway was silent, giving off no indication that anyone was having a typical dorm party. Finals truly were something not of this earth. Quietly I walked over to Wyatt's dorm, knocking half assed before leaning my back against the wall for extra support.

It actually took me a moment to remember that most people weren't awoken from a dead sleep by a polite knock, and apparently in my current state I didn't even remotely care that I was waking him up.

I knocked harder, eventually resorting to kicking the door a few times with childish impatience.

I pressed my ear to it, hearing the awkward sound of muffled groans before a quiet cuss word.

Still, Wyatt got up and opened the door, looking me over in a state that made it clear he was not actually awake enough to remember this in the morning and that I would be dealing with the consequences of him waking up to find me in his bed.

Saying nothing, he rubbed one eye and yawned, allowing me into the room where I closed the door behind me and followed him to bed where he flopped onto his mattress in a similar way that I had six hours prior.

Apparently it wasn't only my dorm that was having trouble with the heating unit as his also felt exceptionally cold. My teeth were actually chattering as I lay down next to him, allowing my body to press against him for warmth. Someone must have fucked up the heating vent on our floor or something. That or I was getting sick.

I was pretty sure Wyatt had already fallen back asleep, increasing my confidence that he would have no memory of this in the morning and might throw a lamp at me.

Sighing deeply, I closed my eyes again.

I slept better when he was next to me… but still I found myself bound to endless nightmares, or in this case, dreams, that made me question my own doorway of forgotten memories.

If the dreams were to be believed, I would have been around five or six when I began going to The Abbey and possibly not much older when I began living there. It also didn't seem like my parents had ever been completely on board with the idea of The Abbey in the first place, causing me even more confusion regarding my fathers decision to leave me behind.

Wyatt wrapped his arm around me while he slept, leading me down the rabbit hole of how disgusted my grandfather would be to find me in the arms of another male. Still, I couldn't help but question what my parents would think regarding the relationship that still caused me deep confusion.

At the end of the day, my fears and uncertainties weren't caused by the fact that we were the same sex. I had closed myself off to the introverted world a long time ago and if you asked any of my teammates or friends they would simultaneously agree that I had little to no interest in spending time with others, always choosing solitude when the option was given to me. I never socialized when we stayed in hotels and found the times I had stayed at Tyson's house to be uncomfortable to say the least. Normally I locked myself in my hotel room or spent most of my time outside away from others, which was easy to do given that I was an early riser, a trait that worked in my favor as it meant that I was always able to shower before everyone else and was never caught in the center of the absolute hell that came with having to shower after Rei washed his hair and inevitably clogged the drain.

Now everything was different.

Now I didn't want to be alone…

I'm not sure if any of you actually like the flashbacks that I'm fully aware I suck at writing, but I must say writing Kai's point of view as a four year old was deliriously entertaining and I love making him a little fluff ball of cuteness. That is all.