All four of us now sat in the Deans office, heads bowed down in shame and dried blood still covering my knuckles. Haru now held a wad of paper towel to his bleeding nose and Wyatt had an ice pack resting where I had punched him on the cheek bone, a swollen bruise now forming. I actually wasn't sure why they had brought Dmitri down as well, seeing as he hadn't actually done anything other than stand there like an idiot.

My stomach churned at the thought of what had happened merely moments ago… I had hit Wyatt, I had hurt him. The one person I vowed to protect.

Dean Nakamura cleared his throat.

"I assume the four of you are already aware that fighting is absolutely not tolerated at this school." He stated, appearing more annoyed at the fact that he would now need to fill out paperwork than angry we had gotten into a scuffle. "Kai, your case manager has been notified and will be here shortly. As for the rest of you, I've contacted your parents. Haru, you've been warned in the past about your behavior toward other students and Dmitri, you already have a violation for physical violence."

"I'm not saying anything until I have a parent or lawyer present." Haru humphed, slouching in his chair like a toddler forced to sit in time out. What a spoiled brat.

"This isn't Kai's fault." Wyatt intervened, flinching slightly at the need to move his face in order to talk. "Haru was harassing me and he hit Kai first, he was just defending himself. He was trying to protect me."

I wasn't sure I had ever felt this level of guilt before… I was such an idiot thinking I could get in the middle of them, thinking that fighting would solve anything. If Tyson had ever tried something like that I would have scolded him immediately, saying that it was better to be the bigger person than to resort to such childish antics.

"We will be checking the cameras in order to figure out what happened."

Haru gave a slight chuckle, eyeing me as thought he suddenly had some sort of upper hand in the situation.

"Well, if you're going to be checking the cameras I hope you also plan on punishing these two queers for sneaking off into each others rooms all the time. I'm sure it will be easy enough to prove. If anything I was trying to make them follow the rules." He was attempting to look intimidating but currently half his face was covered in bloody towels. "It does say in the student handbook that relationships with other students are prohibited, along with being in each others dorm rooms."

While I was in the process of controlling my temper so that I didn't hit him again, Ono-San barged into the room, both startling and glaring at me angrily.

Was this anything like what it felt like to have a parent who was disappointed in you?

"You three!" She yelled pointing toward the other bodies occupying the confide space. "If your parents aren't here, go sit in the waiting area, now!" She marched to the desk, attempting to shoo them away as quickly as she could.

"Let Wyatt stay." I blurted out, taking hold of his arm as he was in the process of standing up.

"This isn't up for negotiation."

"If you want me to talk at all, let him stay. I'm not saying anything without him, I don't want him alone with those two idiots."

"Kai, do you have any idea how much trouble you're in? You just assaulted someone!"

"He hit me first!"

Wyatt clearly didn't know what he was supposed to do in this situation, looking back and form from me and the door and debating if he should stay or leave. I was still holding him by the arm, not wanting him anywhere near Haru and Dmitri without someone watching them.

Taking a deep breath, Ono-San attempted to regain her composure and stay calm. I understood that she probably had a lot of work to do and that I wasn't her only case, but she couldn't just blame me for what happened.

She sat down, pinching the bridge of her nose so that her glasses were pushed up onto her hand.

"What happened?" She asked without opening her eyes.

I looked at Wyatt, who was now blushing slightly. It didn't feel right to tell someone else his personal business, if he didn't want anyone know that Haru had been harassing him I couldn't just tell everyone anyway.

Thankfully he chose to explain that part for me.

"Haru was trying to intimidate me." He said quietly. "He had gotten in my face and was being threatening. Kai wasn't trying to fight him, he just wanted him to go away. When he wasn't paying attention Haru punched him in the face. That was when Kai jumped him."

"You weren't a part of this fight, then?" Dean Nakamura asked, an eyebrow raised in suspicion.

"No, Kai was defending me."

"Then would you mind telling me how you got hurt?"

Shamefully he lowered his head, which was ridiculous because he had nothing to be ashamed of. I was the one who got caught up in myself. I was the one who hit him.

"I lost control of myself..." I admitted begrudgingly. "Wyatt pulled me off of Haru but I couldn't pull myself back right away. I punched him." I didn't even attempt to hide my shame, if anything I wanted them to know I felt terrible about it.

I had wrapped myself up in my legs again, a habit I was trying to break since my father had mentioned I had always done the same as a child. "It was an accident. I would never hurt Wyatt on purpose."

Wyatt sat down now, setting a hand on top of my knee.

"It's alright." He whispered to me.

Regardless of our explanations, Dean Nakamura still decided it would be best to pull the surveillance footage and force us to watch it. Nice to know he was coming up with new forms of torture for the students to endure. If just the knowledge that I had hit Wyatt was enough to make me feel sick, having to watch myself in that state of anger turning around with no thought process and driving my fist right into his face put me in agony.

"Smithwright," The Dean said calmly after turning the tape off. "You're free to leave. You may tell Dmitri he's free to go as well. Have Haru come back to the room, though."

Wyatt didn't argue with him, instead walking through the door and leaving me here to face the consequences of my own actions. We sat in silence until Haru came back into the room.

"You're both suspended from the facilities the rest of Winter Break." He informed us. "You may come back next Monday for classes and in all honesty you should be grateful this happened during your week off; any other time and your grades would be suffering."

Fuck… what did that mean for me? It's not like I had anywhere else to go, I was a ward of the state.

Haru sulked, still refusing to speak until he had a lawyer present. The guy was acting like he had just committed a war crime or something... that or he was embarrassed that he had picked a fight and lost.

For the second time since my case opened up I had to walk shamefully away with Ono-San as she lead me out into her car and back to the county clerk station. After seeing the video her anger toward me seemed to die down, realizing that I wasn't lying when I said I hadn't started the fight and clearly able to tell I had remorse.

"I'll make a few phone calls." She said quietly while we drove. "We can get you put in emergency placement for the time being and figure it out from there. I'm going to speak to family resources and see if due to the circumstances they would allow me to write up a crisis plan in order to temporarily have you housed with your father."

I might not have been the smartest, but I knew better than to argue with her about my father right now. I had already caused enough trouble for one day and in all honesty it would be best to stay on her good side for the time being. I could always speak to Family Resources about not wanting to be placed with him when I saw them tomorrow.

As of right now, this is what my life was. One event after the other that I had zero control over slowly taking over my life.

All I could do was take it day by day…

I hadn't understood what Ono-San had meant in the car when she said I would be put on an emergency placement plan, and I definitely didn't know that orphanages were still a thing or that I had the ability to be sent to one.

"It's not an orphanage, Kai," She had told me. "It's a group home."

What the hell was the difference?

I hadn't even been able to tell Wyatt what was happening to me and I didn't have a phone to call him or a computer to send an email. For all he knew he would never see me again, assuming he would even want to see me again. I would understand if he didn't.

For tonight I was brought to a large building that from the outside I assumed was a homeless shelter. There were no individual rooms like there were at school, instead just rows of bunk beds like you might see in an American military movie and instead of a cafeteria we were expected to either get food ourselves or spend meal times next door at a local soup kitchen.

Suddenly foster care didn't sound that bad.

"How long will I have to stay here?" I asked.

"Hopefully only until morning, then we can start working on a temporary placement plan."

Had I been alone I probably would have broke down.

If I had a phone I probably would have called Tyson, that was how desperate I felt at this point. It was like the first world championship all over again, I tried and tried with everything I had inside myself to get ahead. I worked my ass off and watched myself slowly improve throughout the months until I was finally at a place of comfort, believing that I was making it to the top. Then just as I had nearly every time I battled Tyson I was thrown off of the pedestal and back to the bottom, wondering if there was any point in starting over again if I was doomed to fail. Always a part of the winning team but never truly the champion.

There were other kids here of varying ages, some quite a bit younger than me sleeping in beds with older siblings, refusing to separate, some appearing to be just about to age out of the system. Unlike at school all of the kids seemed to have a mutual respect for each other, working together on things like chores and bedtime routines even though there were only maybe seven of them total.

It was the exact opposite of how I was raised.

Deciding against speaking to anyone and risking accidentally making a friend, I instead chose to just go to sleep, finding an empty bed and laying toward the wall, keeping myself confined as not to draw myself any attention.

Complaining about this place would just make me look like a spoiled brat. I was staying here for maybe twelve hours, compared to the kids who were deemed as not eligible for foster care and instead waited their days out here while new adults came and went, interviewing for the adoption process and then getting scared away due to their trauma and circumstances, I had nothing to complain about.

My problems were mediocre.

I was just an over dramatic jerk.

No wonder no one wanted me…

Ono-San had come for me early the next morning just as we finished up breakfast, taking me away from the hell hole I hadn't successfully been able to fall asleep in and bringing me back to her office. My eyes were heavy and I hadn't had any caffeine. I would have taken a coffee if someone offered it and I hated coffee.

"Rough night?" She asked, noticing my discomfort.

"I just didn't sleep well."

Short, sweet, to the point. She was used to my answers by now.

"I'm concerned about talking to you about what's going to happen this week when you haven't slept well, you don't have the greatest temper when you're fully awake, let alone when you're not awake at all." Was she actually trying to joke around with me? After all these months did she seriously not know me at all? "Your father has been granted crisis for the time being."

"I don't know what that means."

"He will not have custody over you or rights to you, but you will be allowed to temporarily live with him for a short period of time until you can go back to school. We have a plan written out that he's signed stating that your under his roof and he's expected to take care of you, but we are more or less the ones who actually have the final say in everything."

"I don't want to stay with him."

"Would you rather stay at the group home?"

I shut my mouth, remembering that I was significantly better off that any of those kids. I was being a spoiled brat again.

"How long of a drive is it going to be?" I asked quietly, arms folded to my chest as I followed her back out to her car. I wasn't even sure what we had come to this building for in the first place, all she did was grab some papers and then bring me right back on the road.

"About two hours. Feel free to sleep if you'd like."

I was now under the impression that she would prefer that over listening to me complain the entire drive, not to mention I was exhausted and could really use the rest.

Leaning my head on the gap that separated the door from the car seat, I closed my eyes, hoping it wouldn't take me too long to nod off.

The warmth of the fireplace enveloped me, eyes heavy as I lay cuddled into my mothers chest. Our home was small and confined, meaning it wasn't too difficult to heat up during the cold nights. My father was on the floor tending the fire one last time before bed. Although night time could be rough, we tended to make do just fine, accustomed to the harshness of the Russian winters. Seeing as right now it was almost spring we were going to be alright. After all, my father and I had lived here our entire lives, we didn't know much else outside of the cold.

"It's past your bedtime." My mother smiled at me, brushing my hair back gently. "How about we go get your pajamas on and brush your teeth?"

"I'm not tired." I yawned. As a child staying up past your bedtime was a rare prize you sought after no matter how exhausted you were. Staying up made you feel like an adult; mature.

"We're going to visit your grandfather tomorrow, remember?" She spoke gently, standing up without removing me from her arms. "You don't want to be tired and cranky."

"I can help Papa with the fire." I attempted to protest, realistically too exhausted to put up much of a fight.

"Not until you're five." She reminded me. Her smile gave me a sense of safety on top of the feeling of being held like a toddler, cradled gently as she brought me into my bedroom.

Our home had never been much to look at, the scratched up wooden floors could use replacing but instead were hidden under a rug, and the lights were dim. My mother was the one who talked my father into accepting the invitation to my grandfathers mansion, not shielding me from the conversation they had regarding our finances. If he was willing to help us, we could use the money.

"He wants me to reconsider taking over his company." My father had said. "I know it. I don't want to have this argument with him again."

"He already cut you off financially, he can't do you any more harm at this point. Besides, it would be nice for Kai to get to know his grandfather, he was only ten months old last time he saw him, and he's family."

My mother had been one of those people who always saw the good in everyone, never afraid to dance with the devil.

"I can get dressed myself." I reminded her stubbornly, causing her to giggle quietly and kiss my forehead before setting me down on my feet.

"I know," She said. "You remind me every day, just like you remind me that you can tie your shoes and brush your teeth."

My stubborn streak wasn't something I had developed while in The Abbey, it was a trait I had always had and something I likely inherited from my father. Still, once the night came and sleep was finding its way into my body, I always settled; allowing her to wrap me in a blanket and lay me down in my bed, the weight of her body next to me and her hand running gently through my hair.

"Goodnight, Mama..."

She always lay in bed with me until I fell asleep; sometimes telling me a story, usually singing to me.

I remember the singing…

Spi, mladenec moj prekrasnyj,

Bajuški-baju,

Tiho smotrit mesjac jasnyj,

V kolybel' tvoju.

Stanu skazyvat' ja skazki,

Pesenku spoju;

Ty ž dremli, zakryvši glazki,

Bajuški-baju.

Bajuški-baju.

I normally slept before she finished…

Shout out to the anime Girls und Panzer for introducing me to the song Cossack Lullaby and a few other random songs that still pop onto my playlist from time to time. I actually got a little emotional writing this… it also was not the easiest thing in the world to translate as I am unfamiliar with the Russian alphabet.

Hey, who doesn't like a challenge?