"I was a fighter, a governor, a NAVY seal!" Jesse Ventura declared randomly as he threw his Pokeball. Out from it popped a Primeape, ready for battle. It was squat and round like a cheese puff, and Ryan thought it reminded him of Jesse himself, minus, of course, the hair. Poor Jesse had but a few tattered strands of blond hair growing out of the back of his head like bleached moss.

"Yeah mayne," Charlie responded. "I think Pokesmash is the best game ever."

"Oh, okay. He's not lame," whispered Alex, to himself. "Pokesmash is the best game ever and no one can have any other opinion about it."

Charlie threw his Pokeball, and out from it sprung a new Pokemon - not his Dragonmaster, but another, more noble Pokemon: it was Farfetch'd, the simplest, most excellent Pokemon in the whole world. Seeing it brought a tear to Ryan's eye; he had never seen such a beautiful beast before. In its hand, it held a leek, and that got Rahul's stomach a-rumbling. He clapped his hands furiously, and out from the bushes came two women running frantically. They each held a plate of crisp-tender roast duck with cherry-rosemary sauce. Rahul began to dig into the plates without even a plastic fork, so hungry was he. Cherry-rosemary sauce went flying in all directions, and Alex and Ryan had to run away from him to get out of the blast radius. Once they were clear, Ryan pulled out lil Dexy and pointed it at Charlie's Pokemon.

"Farfetch'd, the Wild Duck Pokemon," Ryan's Pokedex stated. "Lives where reedy plants grow. They are rarely seen, so it's thought their numbers are decreasing. It is the Pokemon all gentlemen and scholars use in battle." Ryan was in awe. He thought he was a gentleman (though he had no idea what a scholar was). He wanted such an amazing Pokemon for himself. Alas, that would mean going out into the tall grass to try to find one, and such a task seemed so tedious that Ryan nearly fell over right then and there.

"Bulk up, now!" roared Jesse, who was not listening. His hair waved about like it was seaweed in a hurricane.

Primeape obeyed and his began to bounce around like a popcorn kernel in the microwave. When he was done, Primeape stood a wee bit taller and a good deal thicker - his muscles were as thick as Rahul's neck, almost. He looked like a fearsome beast. Ryan pointed his Pokedex at this Pokemon, and Dex droned: "Primape, the Pig Monkey Pokemon. It stops being angry only when nobody else is around. To view this moment is very difficult."

Charlie smirked. "Swords dance, Annihilator!"

"Heh, well I'll tell ya, it's time for a Hyper Beam, eh?" Jesse thundered. His Primeape grunted and then shot its Hyper Beam at the Farfetch'd. Luckily for the readers, of whom the old Zerg is king, this attack missed.

"Alright man, whatever you want," Charlie responded, a look of annoyance clear on his face. "But if you won't respect the sanctity of a Farfetch'd Swords Dance setup…"

"Ha!" Jesse bellowed. "I know that's just another HAARP conspiracy! They're controlling the weather man. Mind control! Think again, ha!"

"Yeah, that sounds great," Charlie said. "Jet fuel can't melt steel beams. I learned that in my biological anthropology class."

This declaration shocked Jesse to his core. He began to shake like a willow tree with Parkinson's. Then, he began to grunt and howl like a feral Ponyta in heat. Primeape took this as his instruction to shoot another Hyper Beam. This time, the attack missed again and hit a nearby tree, causing it to burst into flames. Ryan, and Alex had to fling themselves out of the way, hailing curses and breadcrumbs at the Primeape who had as poor an aim as a stormtrooper in A New Hope. Rahul, meanwhile, did not move, for he was busy eating. No matter how loudly Alex and Ryan tried to yell at him, he did not look up. It appeared like he was ignoring them, but he was really probably just in a food frenzy. Ryan scowled and pulled out his Pokeball with Thurnax in it.

Throwing the ball, Ryan shouted, "Thurnax, use surf!"

Ryan's Dragonair was a good, loyal Pokemon, and she rode that wave right into the forest, putting the fire right out.

Ryan and Alex ran over to Rahul. "Yo, Rahul, why didn't you move? There was a fire!"

Rahul looked up, his face and wifebeater covered in dark sauce, his beady little eyes shining like black diamonds. "Oh, I didn't hear you," he said with a shrug, and then went back to eating.

Up ahead, the battle continued. "Swords Dance," shouted Charlie, proudly.

He was not going to give into Jesse's insanity. He was going to maintain his honor. Farfetch'd, being the noble, simple Pokemon it is, could break under such pressure. This Charlie knew, and this Alex, who was watching with the intensity of a dude who once locked himself out of his own dorm room, knew too.

"The government did 911," Jesse said, trying to break Charlie's will, but that just made the boy in the white t-shirt laugh and nod his head.

Professor Chris Mercer, who is my teacher and decided to spend half of our last class showing us a 911 conspiracy video for no other reason than to show that he's clinically insane, suddenly burst out of the bushes and gave two thumbs up. This comforted Jesse "the body" Ventura, and he was able to regain his composure. "Do another Hyper Beam. And, heh, I'll tell ya, if this one misses too, Lyndon Johnson definitely killed JFK."

The Hyper Beam missed.

"I knew it," Charlie declared. "The second shooter at the grassy knoll definitely wasn't your Primeape, mayne."

'Why, I otta…" Jesse stammered. "Heh, alright. I was a fighter, a governor, a NAVY seal. Come on, Primeape, Hyper Beam this stupid bird back to the Bilderberg secret underground headquarters!"

"Swords Dance," Charlie responded, calmly.

The Hyper Beam missed again. It was so shocking that Rahul squealed like a stuck pig.

"Okay, Annihilator, it's time for a Fly attack," Charlie shouted.

"Wait, I gotta get another Hyper Beam in here," Jesse protested. But it was too late. The next Hyper Beam missed, and the Farfetch'd took to the air, cawing and screaming and flying so very high.

"Man, that's a brave bird," Ryan said to himself. "I bet he's as high as a kite by now."

Rahul wiped his fingers on his wifebeater and raised his Sonic Screwdriver to the sky. "This is almost as epic as Doctor Who Season 7 Episode 14!"

"Gruhh, do one last Hyper Beam, I'll tell ya!" Jesse hollered in desperation.

Then, Farfetch'd came flying down again. And before Jesse could so much as yell "the government!", Farfetch'd crashed into Primeape, knocking it unconscious in one fell swoop. The furry Pokemon fell to the ground, dazed, causing Jesse to recall it. "Dang government trying control our minds," Jesse protested. "Heh, alright, let's see how you deal with this. This guy's a fighter just like me!" Jesse "the body" Ventura spat proudly. He flung another Pokeball, and out from it came a Sandslash.

Charlie was unimpressed. "Fly!" he shouted.

Farfetch'd, thus undamaged, and nobler for his beautiful setup, began to soar into the sky. This time, he flew so close to Jesse as he went that the former governor got spooked and ran off into the forest.

"I'm off the grid!" Jesse screamed. "No internet out here, no way man. The government can't track me now! I live in the Baja! Ah, the Baja! Get your drones away from me! I'm not ready to die! I ain't got time to bleed!"

Annihilator kept on his path towards the Sandslash, who began to tremble as it saw the opponent approach. Jesse saw this and wet himself. Streams of water flowed down his dark jeans and into the soil below, watering the parched ground of the Viridian Forest with the official release of a former governor, fighter, and NAVY seal. Jesse grunted and slapped his stomach. "I went off the grid so that the drones wouldn't watch me! They can't catch me! Not if they can't see me, ha!"

And with that, Jesse Ventura, the puissant man who once pretended he was a NAVY seal, disappeared into Viridian Forest, never to be seen again. His poor Sandslash was left to stand there, without anyone having told him what move to do. So he did nothing.

Annihilator crashed into the Sandslash, knocking it over and dazing both of them. With no longer a master to guide him, the Sandslash ran over to the nearest tree and began to cower behind it.

"Hey!" Ryan said, running up to the Pokemon. "You can't just leave your Pokemon here!" he shouted into the forest. There was no response. The drone, better known as the noble and honorable Annihilator, seemed to have scared off Jesse. Alas, his Sandslash had been left behind. When it saw Ryan, it recoiled, expecting another blow to come down upon it.

Rahul and Alex came running over too. "Hey, did that guy seriously leave his Pokemon behind?" Rahul asked.

"That Farfetch'd must've really frightened him," Alex answered.

"Yeah…" said Ryan, looking down at the injured Sandslash. "What kind of guy just leaves his Pokemon behind? That should never happen. Your Pokemon should be your buddies! You gotta take care of them, no matter what!"

"I think he was on some mind control," Charlie pointed out, walking over to them. He stopped, glancing up at Alex, first. "Sup whiny face."

"Oh, okay," Alex said, flustered. He almost busted out the yo-yos he was so confused.

Charlie continued walking until he came across Rahul. "Oh hey, mayne," he said to the big man. "Nice goatee."

"Never cruel nor cowardly. Never give up. Never give in!" Rahul said, almost in reflex.

"Haha, yeah, Doctor Who, I get it," Charlie said. "Great show."

And then he came upon Ryan, who stood over the injured Sandslash that had once belonged to Jesse Ventura. "I know you," Ryan said, as Charlie came up to him. "You're on those wanted posters. You defeated all those bug catchers, and you're on the run! There's a big reward for whoever catches you! Why don't you just give yourself up?"

"Haha, good one!" Charlie smiled sarcastically and pointed at Ryan as if to acknowledge the latter's keen awareness. "I'm sure you're a great trainer. Catch me if you can."

"Is that all you have to say?" asked Ryan. He was a bit flustered himself, but at the same time, he took a Pokeball out of his pocket. Abra, who was perched on his shoulder, jeered at Charlie rambunctiously. Thurnax, who was still out of her Pokeball, eyed the white-shirted trainer with suspicion and growled. "I'll defeat you myself if I have to! You aren't getting away again!"

"I'm sure you're really good, but I've got a debate to get to. Bob Odenkirk is the judge, so I can't miss this. He's no David Cross, but he's aight." With that, Charlie jumped on Dragonmaster, his patient Porygon, who had been at his side the entire time. Within a heartbeat, the white-and-pink blur that was the two of them disappeared off into the forest, in the opposite direction that Jesse Ventura had gone.

"Curses," Ryan shouted, raising his fist to the sky. "Debating nuclear proliferation doesn't matter!"

"Alright," said Alex. "Brb shower." And thus, Alex too disappeared into the forest, though Ryan knew he would come back soon.

"So what should we do with this Sandslash?" Ryan asked Rahul.

Rahul shrugged. He wiped his hand on his sauce-crusted wifebeater. "We're nearly to Pewter City, right? Let's take him to the PokeCenter and leave him there."

Ryan scowled. "You're just saying that because you want to see another Nurse Joy."

Rahul's face lit up like Snoop Dogg on Christmas Eve. "A-are… you serious?!" there was annoyance in his voice, and a grin upon his face. "Come on Ryan, don't mess with my game. Seriously."

"Alright Rahul, whatever you say," Ryan conceded. He looked at Rahul's goatee and noticed it was in fine form, and that was enough to make him acquiesce.

"Well, go on, catch it," Rahul told him.

"No you."

"Are you serious?!" Rahul said in that booming, droll voice of his. He thrust his hands into the air and shook his head violently.

"Fine."

Ryan jumped back, took one of his father's Ultra Balls out of his bag, ran his fingers through his hair, did a little spin move, and then threw the ball at Sandslash. "Gotta catch 'em all! I wanna be the very best there ever was!"

That made Rahul start humming tunelessly to himself.

The Pokeball went flying through the air like a Pokeball in flight. It hit the Sandslash dead on the nose, causing it to fly back and scream in confusion. At once, a red light enveloped the creature and it was sucked into the ball. At that very moment, Rahul sprung forward, with a deliberate look on his face. He ran over to the Pokeball and covered it in a clear liquid with a little tube he was holding in his hand. When he was done, Rahul stepped back grinning.

"Crazy glue," he declared. "There's no way that Sandslash is getting out."

"But, uh, Rahul, how am I supposed to get it out when I want to?"

Rahul's grin turned upside down and he began to mutter to himself. Though they had captured a Sandslash, formerly the leal servant of one Jesse Ventura, it appeared the Pokemon was well and truly trapped inside its Pokeball. But that would be a problem for another episode, Ryan knew.

"I guess we should get going to Pewter City, right, buddy?" Ryan asked Abra, who was snoozing on his shoulder. The words brought Abra to conscious, and he seemed completely displeased with being thrust back into the real world.

"Abra, brah, brah!" Abra whined. "Abra!"

"Neeieieieie!" Thurnax squealed from Ryan's side enthusiastically.

"Yeah!" Ryan said happily. "We're off to Pewter City for my fourth badge!"

It had been a long time since Ryan had gotten his last badge - dare I say seven chapters, which in a story that is only 16 chapters long is quite the long time - but alas, it appeared like he was on a collision course with Pewter City, and nothing could stop that. Barring some miraculous turn of events, it appeared Ryan would indeed be getting his fourth Gym Badge quite soon. Rahul, who was a great trainer and an even greater guy, who only sometimes answered when you Facebook message him because I'm sure he's very busy with many important things, had not a Pewter City badge either. So it was good fortune that the two were traveling together. It was their destiny, surely, to get this next badge before this chapter ends.

It was night when they reached the stony enclave known as Pewter City. The streets were abandoned, and a cool breeze was blowing through the town. Ryan, Alex, and Rahul strode in together, and looked around. Off into the distance, they could see the lights of the Pewter City Gym. Closer by was the PokeCenter, which was also adorned in what appeared to be old Christmas lights. It was cold, and they all began to shiver. Clumps of snow lay around the buildings and on their roofs, and judging by the dark sky, it looked like it might snow again.

"We should find a place to sleep," Alex said.

"Isn't the gym still open?" Ryan asked.

Rahul frowned. "Let's go see. Come on Alex, I don't want to stay here. Look at this place - it's all rocky and cold and miserable. Let's get out of here as soon as we can."

"Alright, whatever," said Alex.

And so they went off, but as they passed by the PokeCenter, Ryan told them he needed to tend to Jesse's Sandslash.

"If the gym's open, you go first, alright Rahul?" he said.

"Yeah, fine, fine," Rahul replied, and off he went with Alex into the night.

Inside, Ryan was greeted by a Chansey who whisked him over to a Nurse Joy standing at the counter. The pink-haired woman looked a lot like a nurse Ryan had seen in another PokeCenter. It was almost like they were sisters, the resemblance was so uncanny.

"May I help you?" she asked in a sweet voice.

"Yeah," replied Ryan, fumbling for Sandslash's Pokeball in his bag. Nurse Joy continued to stare and smile at him, and that made Ryan's ears go red. He thought she looked mighty pretty in that nurse outfit of hers… "Uh, yeah, here it is!" he said, a little too loudly.

Nurse Joy took the Pokeball and tilted her head, a look of puzzlement clear upon her face. "Um, what is this stuff all over the ball?"

"Oh yeah, that's crazy glue… my friend put it on. I-I was wondering if you could get it off for me."

Nurse Joy giggled. "Of course, I'll get one of our Chanseys on it at once!" She stood up straight and laughed, throwing the ball behind here, where a Chansey was waiting to catch it. "And is this your Pokemon, mister?"

"Nope," said Ryan. "There was the old bald guy who it belonged to, but after he lost the battle he ran off without taking his Pokemon with him."

"Oh no, that's terrible! What kind of trainer would do that to his Pokemon?"

"I know… he doesn't know it's here, either, so I'm not sure what to do with it."

"Well," Nurse Joy began, "we'll keep the Pokemon overnight, and if its owner shows up, we'll give it back to them."

"But what if he never comes?"

"Well… in that case, we'll keep his Pokemon here until he does!"

Ryan looked down and thought of Thurnax, the Dragonair he had found abandoned. He wondered if her owner was out there looking for her even now. Probably not, he thought. Otherwise, they wouldn't have abandoned Thurnax in the first place…

And yet, there was also Abra, Ryan's first and favorite Pokemon. That had been his father's Pokemon, one he had never asked his father if he could take. I wonder if dad's mad about that. He didn't know. I should call home and see what's up… maybe after I get my next badge. Maybe if Dad hears I've gotten four badges, he'll be proud of me.

Ryan looked up at Nurse Joy and nodded goodbye, before walking out into the brisk night air. He knew Jesse would never come back for that Sandslash, and it would be forced to stay in that cramped little Pokeball for years, at least. That was no way to live. On the one hand, he knew it wasn't his Pokemon to take, but on the other…

"Huh, what was that?!" Ryan shouted, his voice echoing down the empty streets. His breath frosted the air. Above him, there was a pink light hovering distantly in the sky. It was so dark that not even the moon was out. A few lights in the town made things a little lighter, but still, it was nigh black as pitch. It made that floating pink light all the more apparent.

Ryan pointed his Pokedex at the light, thinking wildly that he might be seeing a Pokemon, though there was no Pokemon he knew of that could float and generate pink light. "There is no data," the Pokedex replied. "No Pokemon is in range."

"Huh? Then what is that thing?" Ryan watched the pink dot for a few more seconds. As he walked down the road to the Pewter City Gym, his eyes on the sky, Ryan saw the pink light suddenly fade away into nothing. Just like that it was gone. "Weird," he said to himself. "I must be seeing things."

Ryan passed by a building that a sign told him was called the "Pewter City Museum". He found it somewhat odd that though the building had a "CLOSED" sign on its front door, there were still a few lights on in the second story. Even so, such a sight did not concern the trainer, and he continued on his walk.

As the teal-haired boy approached the Pewter City Gym, Ryan noticed an old man sitting on a nicely-polished slab of rock to his left. He had a long, spiky brown beard and wore a red beanie pulled so far down his face that the boy could not even see the man's eyes. He sat in what appeared to be a meditation pose, and Ryan would have mistaken him for a statue had the man not spoken just then.

""Pewter City is grey... the color of stone. This town has always been famous for stone."

"Huh?!" Ryan jumped back in shock. "What are you talking about, old man?"

"The name's Flint. And I'm not that old."

"Yeah, okay."

"You goin' in the gym?" Ryan nodded. "Don't tell me you plan on challenging Forrest, the Pewter City gym leader."

"Of course I do!" Ryan's voice rang with confidence.

Flint began to laugh a flinty laugh. "Hahaha... you'll beat him? Hahaha… that's a good one."

Ryan's face went red. "What's the big deal? He's just another gym leader. I've already beaten three of them!" He reached into his pocket and pulled out the little booklet he was keeping his Gym Badges in. "See?"

"Hahaha…" Flint continued to laugh quietly to himself. "You're confident now, but just wait until Forrest beats your Pikachu. Then you'll come crawling back to me and beg me to help you."

"What are you talking about? I don't have a Pikachu."

At that Flint stood up straight and grimaced. "O-oh… in that case, well you can go on in." He then reached for something and produced a small rock with a pricetag on it. "By the way, do you want to buy any of my merchandise?"

"You sell rocks?" Ryan's eyes narrowed in disbelief.

"They're Pewter City souvenirs. Wanna buy some?"

"Uh, no thanks, man!" Ryan said, before running off into the Pewter City Gym. "Man that guy was weird!" he whispered to himself as he ran. "This whole place is creepy. Rahul was right. We should get out of here as soon as we can!"

And with that, Ryan went sprinting to the Pewter City Gym, where Rahul was surely battling Forrest for a Boulder Badge. And soon, Ryan knew, so would he.