AN: Thank you again for all your reviews and followers you guys are the best... I know I took it in a way nobody was expecting.. and I actually wrote it 3 different ways... maybe some day I'll share the alternate directions.
There are scenes missing from this chapter on purpose, you'll see a bit of a time jump. However some of the scenes that aren't here will be shown in Flashbacks in the next several chapters.
So buckle up and hang on... It's going to be a very emotional ride for our favorite Grey girls.
Derek watched Meredith closely as she processed what was just said to her.
She grew quiet and fell back in the chair. She ran her tongue over her teeth in her thought process.
"Meredith?" He asked carefully. "Say something."
"Shit…" She muttered.
If it weren't such a serious situation Derek would have laughed at her reaction. Instead he knelt in front of her placing his hands on her knees as he looked into her eyes. "Are you okay?"
Meredith glanced down the hall towards Lexie's room before looking back at Derek. "How bad is it?"
"It is not looking good." He admitted honestly.
"Do Lexie and I have some kind of curse that hangs over us?" She asked her husband. "Does the world enjoy knocking us on our asses, and then kicking us while we are down?" She shook her head in disbelief.
"It seem that way, doesn't it?" He asked, pulling her to feet before wrapping his arms around her and holding her closer.
"You said all hands on deck, I can't help...Nobody is going to let me help.. Technically they're my family.." She paused briefly as she thought it over. "Maybe with Molly I can help…"
Derek shook his head "No, not now Meredith. You're too connected to Lexie. This is personal to you."
Meredith exhaled "I know…"
"You're going to have to be the point of contact for Lexie." Derek reminded her gently. "Callie, Teddy and Cristina rushed into Molly's surgery, but not before prescribing a sedative for Lexie…"
Meredith crinkled her nose "I don't know, Derek. I don't know if I want to drug her."
"Callie and Mark think it's best for her…"
For some reason that comment annoyed her. "Oh, I am glad Callie and Mark know what's best for her."
Derek took a deep breath "Remember how Lexie handled the trauma of the shooting." He reminded his wife. "She didn't sleep for days...She's still recovering from being attacked. We can't risk her further injuring herself."
Logically it made sense, but she couldn't catch up with logically. "So what Lexie has no say?" She asked "I have no opinion?"
Derek inwardly sighed "We're hoping you can convince her to let her nurse give it to her."
Meredith crossed her arms over her chest "Because Callie and Mark think it's best? I mean Mark admitted her to the psych ward and bailed... Remember? I am the one that had to go and sit with her for 36 hours and monitor her."
"Callie is her doctor, who is trying to make sure that her body heals correctly, without needing more surgery." He reminded her gently "She had a fractured sternum, ribs and recovering from a ruptured Spleen...Which you know.. Any more trauma could set her healing back weeks."
Meredith exhaled. "I know…" and she did know that. Right now she felt powerless. She just wanted to have control of something. For herself as much as her sister. "It's a lot."
"I know" Derek nodded "I do…"
She let out a breath "I need to go and see for myself. I need to be prepared for the conversation I have to have with Lexie."
"Would you rather someone else talk to her? Is it too much for you?"
Meredith shook her head "No. I need to be the one to tell her."
Derek sighed "I am sorry…"
"I need to go get updated on Molly and Thatcher…" Meredith bit her lip. "I am assuming Kepner knows what is going on?"
Derek nodded "She does. She'll be a good distraction for her."
"Will you come with me?" Meredith asked, reaching for his hand.
"Like I was going to let you go, by yourself." He offered a small smile as he took her hand in his and held onto it tightly. "You're not alone, no matter what happens in the next few hours. You and Lexie are not alone."
"I'd really like to walk again." Lexie insisted on glancing to Arizona and April who had squeezed themselves into an oversized chair beside Lexie's bed trying with all their energy to engage Lexie in a movie. Yet the younger Grey was restless.
"Callie is going to let me go home." Lexie reminded them both.
"Tomorrow, Lexie." Arizona reminded her. "She's thinking about releasing you tomorrow."
Lexie groaned "Come on Arizona, I doubt he's still in the hospital. I am safe."
April and Arizona exchanged glances which did not go unnoticed by Lexie. "You're both acting weird…"
"We are not" April defended "You're just tired and restless, and may I add a little bit cranky Lexie."
Arizona shot April a look clearly telling the redhead to not call Lexie cranky. "You did have an eventful afternoon." Arizona added "I think it's best we stay here and watch the movie."
"I am tired of movies, and April is right... I AM cranky!" Lexie groaned, kicking the blankets off of her as she swung her legs over the side of her bed before easing herself into a standing position. The blood rushed instantly to her head. Reminding her that she was actually tired and weak, but she wasn't about to let that stop her. After reliving her story to Meredith. She couldn't get her brain to shut off. Every vivid detail was playing over and over again.
"Easy" April warned as she and Arizona both got up quickly to spot her.
"I am fine!" Lexie insisted on pulling away from them both holding her hands up. "I am tired of this room! I need to get out of this room, Arizona!"
April looked to Arizona trying to gauge what she thought. "One lap, this floor only." She bargained. "Meredith will kill me if something happens to you...I like having a place to live." She tried…"Fight me and I will insist on that chore chart…"
"You wouldn't…" Lexie dared.
April stood taller, placing her hands on her hips as she narrowed her eyes at Lexie. "Try me…"
Lexie groaned as she rolled her eyes "Fine.. One lap.. This floor only." she narrowed her eyes at April. "You're bossy."
Before Arizona or April could respond Lexie's door opened Meredith and Derek stepped in letting the door shut quietly behind them.
April and Arizona took one glance at her and just knew she was not coming in with great news of hope.
"Lexie, will do the walk in a little bit." Arizona encouraged as she moved to help her back in bed.
"What's wrong?" Lexie asked quietly as she pushed Arizona's hands away. While taking in her sister's appearance. She was pale, her eyes were red brimmed showing she had recently been crying.
"Something happened, and it's not going to be easy to hear, so I need you to let Robbins help you back in the bed. Please don't fight her." Meredith instructed.
Lexie reached for Arizona's arm this time and held onto her as they took a step back for the bed. April quickly moved wires out of the way while Arizona helped Lexie back into the bed. "We'll get that walk in later, I promise." She insisted
Lexie glanced at her and nodded "I am going to hold you to that."
"Or me to you" Arizona muttered to herself sensing what was about to play out. She was pretty sure in the next several hours it would be them pushing Lexie to get out of bed and not the other way round. She was already mentally preparing how to help the Grey sisters out.
"What is wrong?" Lexie repeated as Meredith came closer to the bed. Derek moving to stand behind her.
Meredith took a step closer to the bed. She shifted her weight not really knowing what to do with her body or where to stand. "I don't know how to tell you this…" Her voice cracked. She wanted to be brave for her sister. Yet she was still trying to process what just happened. "This is not going to come out well, and I apologize from the bottom of my heart, Lexie."
April shot Meredith a sympathetic look as she moved to the side of the room and took a seat on the cot while Arizona stood stationed by the head of Lexie's bed. Resting her hand on the top of the mattress.
Lexie leaned forward slightly wincing at the discomfort that brought her. "You're making me a little nervous.."
"There was an accident." Meredith started slowly as she made eye contact. "Molly was able to get here a little before she predicted to you, she must have gone and met up with Tha...dad...They were…."
Lexie inhaled quickly, almost afraid of what Meredith was going to say. "No, Meredith, whatever you're about to say, no...You're wrong…So just don't!"
"They were in the crosswalk on the way into the hospital." The older sister kept going while Lexie shook her head back and forth. Throwing up her hands up and out trying to get her sister to stop talking.
"Stop!" Lexie demanded "Meredith! Shut..up...!" Her body shook which caused her to gasp in pain and fall back into the bed.
"A car that was going too fast, went straight through the crosswalk, he didn't slow down." Meredith's tongue became dry. Her throat was closing in. She wanted to turn on her heels and run from the room. Run until she could run no longer. Derek's hand on her shoulder kept her planted in place.
"This isn't funny!" Lexie yelled as she got back up from the bed, shrugging off Arizona who tried to stop her.
Meredith winced slightly but kept going knowing she had to say it. "The car struck them…" Her eyes closed. She had no idea how she was supposed to tell Lexie what was about to come next. How her world was about to be forever changed again. How she was the one that was with their father when he took his last breath.
"No" Lexie snapped as she took a step towards Meredith not caring at the pain that ripped through her body.
"Lexie…" Derek tried to reach out for her but she pulled away from him.
"The injuries were too severe, they tried everything they could, but dad didn't…" Meredith's voice cracked as her hands shook. "I am so sorry, He didn't make it, Lex.."
The room felt cold and an uncomfortable silence fell over it for what felt like forever. While the two sisters stood inches apart locked in some sort of starring battle.
When all the air Lexie had in her body seemed to leave all at once. She dropped to her knees. Her hand extended in front of her as if she was trying to tell Meredith to stop or go away, but couldn't get the words out. Her mouth opened and closed several times. No sound came out.
Meredith stood frozen for a moment watching her sister closely as she crumbled on the ground. Bringing back a memory of the time Lexie found out Mark was moving on without her. How she'd dropped to the ground in front of Meredith in the woman's bathroom. Burying her face into the palm of her hands letting sobbing. She remembered standing there watching her fall apart in front of her that day. Not moving. Not knowing what to do, what to say. How to react. Not sure what her role was.
This time Meredith didn't stand frozen for long. She joined her sister on the ground wrapping an arm gently over Lexie's back. Resting her forehead on the small of Lexie's back. Almost using it as a shield closing her eyes as her own hot tears fell freely and quietly down her cheeks. She couldn't say anything.. She had no words.. So she just held on.
Derek, April and Arizona watched helplessly as the two sisters melted onto the floor together. Blonde and brown hair cascading around them making a protective wall as the younger one gave into gut wrenching sobs. While the elder sister's body racked with silent tears
"Molly?" Lexie finally managed to get out.
"Still in surgery" Derek answered from where he stood rocking his weight back and forth. Wanting to dive in and pick them both up. Yet at the same time knowing they needed this moment.
"Meredith…" April was the first to move as quickly crossed the room kneeling down placing her hand on Meredith's back strumming her fingers gently on her spine. "I am sorry to intrude, but she's bleeding." She pointed to Lexie.
Meredith pulled back and wiped her eyes quickly while Derek and Arizona moved in as well to help Meredith and Lexie up off the ground.
Sure enough blood was seeping through the front of Lexie's gown droplets landing on the ground beneath them. Most likely what caught April's eye.
"Is she okay?" She asked April who had already had the gown up by the time Derek had placed her on the bed.
"She popped her stitches open.." April answered quickly while applying pressure to the wound to stop the bleeding. Trying to hold it as firm as she could against Lexie's full body racking sobs. "She's going to be okay, I've got her."
"Derek, get her out of here for a minute." Arizona pushed as she pulled a tray of supplies over to April. One glance at the elder Grey and it looked like she was about to pass out and neither sister needed that.
"She's not calming down…: Meredith pushed against Derek as he tried to push her out the door, watching April struggle to keep pressure on the bleed. "She needs to calm down, she's going to hyperventilate….Lexie.. You have to take a deep breath."
"Derek" Arizona instructed more firmly as Lexie's sobs seem to intensify with Meredith's instructions to breathe. She was pretty sure Lexie was feeding off Meredith's own grief and anxiety.
"She's going to have to be sedated…" Meredith insisted as she pushed Derek harder as he tried to guide her towards the door. "You need to get her breathing under control. Now!"
"Meredith" Arizona called over Lexie's sobs. "Go check on Molly, let us take care of little Grey."
"Please" Lexie managed to get out. "Molly, please..Mer...Please."
Meredith looked torn for a brief moment before letting an exasperated sigh. "Okay...Please don't fight April and Arizona...please…"
Meredith was on her way to the OR that Molly was in when she looked up to see Teddy, Callie and Cristina walking down the hall together. Their lips drawn tightly. Not one of them was speaking.
Meredith took in their body language as the three of them stopped in front of them. Cristina's eyes met Meredith's.
"No" Meredith shook her head.
"Meredith" Teddy began.
"Damn it!" Meredith yelled as she turned and kicked the wall twice. "Damn it. Damn it. DAMN IT" She yelled as her hands flew up to her head. She gathered her some of her blonde hair in her hands as she held onto it while she began to pace.
"I am so sorry" Teddy's voice calm "We did everything we could."
"I am not telling her this time" Meredith finally spoke as she continued to pace hair still in her fingers as her hands rested on her head. "I am not breaking MY sister for a 3rd time in one day!"
"Meredith" Derek reached out for her.
"I am not telling her" Meredith repeated "I can't be the one that keeps breaking her.. Or I won't be able to be the one that helps her pick up the pieces."
"I'll tell her" Cristina offered.
"Or I can tell her" Derek added "I am her brother in law... it'll be okay Mer."
"I am sorry" Meredith pulled away from Derek before looking to Teddy, Cristina and Callie "I am sorry, I can't... I need to be alone for awhile." She gave Derek's hand a squeeze to let him know she'd be okay but she needed some space before she quickly ran down the hall away from her friends, her husband and her sister.
"What even is this?" Meredith asked, peeling back the tinfoil and sniffing some sort of unrecognizable casserole that had been handed to her.
Derek peered over her shoulder before reaching down and dipping one finger into it before bringing it to his mouth.
"That's not sanitary" Meredith crinkled her nose.
"Like anyone in this house is actually going to eat it, but it tastes like chicken" He shrugged, taking it from her and rewrapping it before tossing it into the fridge with fifteen other covered dishes.
"You know the one on the top left corner is a breakfast casserole, french toast" April said as she was sorting through casseroles and condolence cards taking notes for thank you cards. "It's really good. Maybe we should heat Lexie up some and send it up to her."
"Did anyone actually see Lexie eat today?" Jackson asked stealing a muffin from a basket and popping a bite into his mouth before quickly spitting it out into his hand making a face "But not that, that was awful."
April crinkled her nose in disgust "Jackson!"
"I am sorry, but nobody wants a fruit cake muffin." He grabbed a cookie from a different basket hoping to take the taste away. "But back to the important question" He stated around a mouthful of double chocolate chip cookie "Did anyone see Lexie eat today?"
"I did" Callie came into the kitchen carrying an empty tray. "Last of the cheese and crackers are gone, and the last of the well wishers just left" She told Meredith before her gaze went back to Jackson. "When I helped Little Grey with her hair this morning she had a mug of mint tea, a yogurt and one bite of maple bar along with her medication."
"That's not much" Jackson shook his head as worry filled his blue eyes.
"She's not eating much at all," April admitted. "I am worried. We need to get her to eat."
"Maybe Meredith should..." Mark started to say as Meredith slammed her hands on the counter causing everyone in the room to jump or wince.
"Maybe Meredith should give her some god damn space to grieve." The older Grey snapped "She just buried two people she loved dearly today. The last connections to her once picture perfect family childhood."
"We know" Derek tried as he placed his hand on Meredith's back hoping to calm down.
"Clearly you don't.."
"We are worried about her, Meredith," Jackson said calmly.
"You don't think I am?" Meredith asked "You don't think I see the broken girl upstairs? But today is not the day to push her.." She shook her head "Tomorrow we can start to push her to face her pain, but today.. We let her grieve however the hell she wants to do that! Tomorrow will come fast enough" She added, grabbing two water bottles from the fridge before storming up the stairs herself, angry clicks of her heels going up each step echoed down below.
"I am sorry" Derek apologized to everyone in the kitchen. "She's having a harder time with this than she's caring to admit."
"Well yeah" Callie nodded "Derek, we know. They were her family too. Even if she didn't know them well or want to know them...We know it goes deeper than Lexie being upset."
"Meredith believes it's her fault" Cristina stated from her corner in the kitchen where she popped a grape into her mouth. "Lexie thinks it's her fault...Neither of them are in the right mindset to think logically at the moment. Things are going to get a whole lot worse before they get better."
"Interesting" Arizona observed as she moved an empty platter to the sink to start washing it. "Why would Meredith think this is her fault? She wasn't even around when it happened."
"Born cursed" Cristina shrugged "Everyone she comes into contact with will suffer, or die or both."
"She doesn't actually believe that load of crap does she?" Alex asked, pulling out a case of beer taking one then holding it out as a silent offer to anyone.
"Right now" Cristina nodded "She does, but that's how she is choosing to grieve her dead father and sister."
"So what do we do to help?" April asked "Obviously not feed them….Have you seen how many casserole and muffin baskets we have…"
"When the father and sister of two doctors at the hospital they work at die, you get condolence muffins." Cristina shrugged "Condolence muffins for days... and the two people they are meant to condole want nothing to do with them. Such the conundrum of baked goods for funerals"
Meredith entered the attic room to find Lexie still wearing her dress and heels from the memorial service. Curled up on her bed. Her hands resting under her cheeks as her big brown sad eyes stared at some spot on the wall. Streaks of mascara trailing down her cheeks, but it seemed she was now all cried out.
After putting the water bottles on top of the dresser the older Grey kicked her heels off and moved to the bed she pulled Lexie's heels off, taking both pairs in her hands she crossed the room depositing the shoes into a waste bin with a loud thump.
Lexie didn't have to say anything for Meredith to know what she was thinking as she felt her sisters eyes on her. "What?" She asked a little more defensive then she meant. "Can you honestly tell me you want to wear those shoes again, I mean if you really wanted to you could climb your ass off your bed and go pull them out."
Lexie didn't respond but her eyes were still on Meredith.
"I'll buy you a new pair" Meredith added with a softer tone as she crossed the room grabbing a down comforter from the end of the bed, before climbing on the bed using the comforter she spread it over both of them before turning so her back was to Lexie mirroring the exact same position. Her eyes locked on an over sized candy cane peeking outside of a box. Maybe it was time to get a contractor to come in and convert the attic to an actual bedroom with a storage unit. So Lexie could have a proper bedroom and the Christmas decorations could be stored else where.
But Thatcher had a house, it was probably going to Lexie, so why would she need to continue to stay at Meredith's when she had her own house just a few miles away. Her heart sank thinking about her sister leaving. Derek at first had been against having the house full of displaced doctors from the hospital. He wanted it to be just him and Meredith, and yet he was the one that brought Lexie home and Meredith would admit it wasn't a move she loved. Though she had kept her home open for a reason and at the time Lexie fit that need. Now over a year later Meredith wasn't ready for the idea of Lexie to not be living under her roof. She enjoyed what Lexie brought to the house. How her laugh and nerdy ways and constant rambling made it feel more like home. How she had something normal for once. A sister.
Meredith let out a small sigh knowing that everything had just changed in a blink of an eye and she was worried that change would take her sister, that she just grew to love.