After so many trauma porn chapters I can finally present you guys with some light fluff to enjoy! I had so much fun writing this chapter, I think it's one of my favorites! I really hope you guys enjoy it.

Kai is a tad OOC during some parts, but hey, that's part of growing up and figuring yourself out, right?

Once more I found myself forced onto the couch of a shrink who I had no plans on opening up to, internally more broken than I had been during the last night at my fathers house. If I had pills at my disposal, I'd have taken them all… no part of me doubted that.

"So can you tell me what happened?" She asked gently.

I shook my head.

"I don't remember."

It was the truth, I remembered the flashback but I had no idea what was happening within the outside world during that time, I had been trapped in my head for an undisclosed time frame. I couldn't understand why it was suddenly all coming back to me against my will. I didn't want the memories to come back.

"Do you want to remember?"

"No."

I could never tell from her expression what it was that she was feeling, which I suppose is something one would have to learn when giving therapy. She always seemed to use small sentences, waiting for me to take over the conversation and talk.

"How's your arm?" She asked.

"It's fine."

The area tingled and was sensitive to the heat of the water when I showered, but overall it was what it represented that truly stung. I was accustomed to the markings that took up bits of my flesh, meaning that it had been years since I had ever truly paid them any sort of attention. Suddenly I had taken notice of them, brushing my fingers over the discolored skin that never quite seemed to match the rest of my complexion.

They weren't all burn scars, some of them coming from the slice of a switchblade brushed against my skin. My goal was to leave this place without revealing much about what had happened, hoping if I didn't talk about it I might be able to forget once again.

"How are things going with Wyatt since your outburst?" She asked. "Have you spoken to him yet?"

"No." I shook my head.

"I understand that you don't want to talk to me, but I'm going to need more information in order to get you back in school, explain to Dean Nakamura that what you had was a normal PTSD episode and that so long as you stick to counseling you aren't any sort of threat. You've caused physical harm to him twice now, though-"

"I know that." I dug my nails into my jeans with everything I could. "I fucked up. I know I did, but I can make it better, I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to keep him safe."

"You two have hit a rough patch?"

"I can fix it. I want to apologize to him. I need… to apologize to him. I can make sure that it doesn't happen again."

A part of me still felt like being here was a bad idea, that being kicked out of school was the only for sure way that I could keep Wyatt safe from me and everyone else in my life who may come for him.

"You aren't abusive, Kai. I think it's important for you to know that."

"I get it, okay!?" I snapped. "I know I'm the reason Wyatt got hurt, I don't need any more reminders of that!"

"Kai-"

"I'm the reason Wyatt is hurt! I'm the reason my father doesn't want me and I'm the reason my mother died!" There were tears blurring my vision now, temporarily blinding me while I snapped, everything I was keeping inside now erupting from the surface. "I should have been with her, I could have done something." My voice was cracking harshly as I wrapped my arms around my head and neck, shielding myself as much as I could.

"What could you have done, though?" She asked gently. "You were only a little boy."

"I don't know! I could have tried, I should have tried. I could have protected her, protected my little sister. My grandfather wouldn't have left me to die with them, if I were there they would have been okay! If I wasn't there Wyatt would be okay!"

"There isn't any way for you to know that."

"They needed me there! He didn't!"

"Kai… in life we are given only so much that we can control. You are not responsible for your grandfathers actions, you are not responsible for the abuse you endured when you were a child and you are not responsible for what happened to your mother. I know it might feel like you could have done something, but you're thinking with the mindset of a young adult, using the knowledge you have now to plot how you could have saved them… knowledge that a six year old child cannot possibly possess. You did not get angry and hit Wyatt the way that your grandfather used to hit you, the trance that you fell into brought you into a fight or flight reflex where you believed yourself to be in danger. You had no control over your actions. I know it might seem like you always need to be in control, but you need to accept that there are parts of your trauma responses where you are powerless."

I could no longer hear her voice speaking to me, at some point she had transformed into Wyatt, morphing together until he became the one who comforted me. I was watching myself from the corner of the room, my own body shrinking slowly until I had once again become that sad and scared little boy.

"I should have- I could have helped."

"How?"

"I don't know."

She stopped speaking, allowing me to take the time that I needed in order to cry. I had opened up to Wyatt, I had told him my story and yet I had never taken any of it in myself. I had never looked that little boy who I had once been in the eyes and blamed him, and now that I wanted to, I couldn't. The protection that I felt for Riku had overlapped itself and now shielded not only him, but the child who a part of me still was.

It wasn't my fault.

I looked into my own large eyes and repeated it again and again.

It wasn't my fault.

"I want to get better..." I said quietly, sniffling as I attempted to take in enough air through my clogged nose. "I don't think I can do that like this, though..."

Therapy was not my answer. Telling my story and answering questions was not what was going to help me. The only way I would ever make it out of the walls I had built within my head would be to take them apart brick by brick and the only person who could help me do that was myself, the child who I had long ago decided was not worthy of the life I had made myself.

"Can you explain?" She asked.

"I need to figure out who I am, not through questions and answers but by looking inside myself." I brushed the tears on the sleeve of my shirt. "I need people who understand what I've been through, not someone who just went to school to learn about it." I blushed slightly. "No offense."

"None taken."

"I have great friends, I don't know what I did to deserve them, but I have them. They care about me, they understand some of my experiences." I thought through the concept of reaching out to Tala, deciding that at the end of the day that wasn't what either of us needed. He had his own way of coping and it wasn't my job to open those wounds back up. "Those are the relationships that I've been neglecting."

"How are those relationships at the moment?"

"I owe a lot apologies," I sulked. "I think they'll forgive me, though. Like I said, I have some really great friends."

She was smiling at me, her notebook now closed and pen nestled behind her ear.

"It's against my protocol to say this, Kai, but I'm very proud of you."

I smiled.

I knew what I had to do.

Xxx

I didn't go back to school right away, instead taking the bus back from downtown and walking toward the beachfront. My hands were pocketed with the note I had been given stating that I should be allowed to continue attending classes with my peers along with a prescription I was told I could present to Ono-San, if I felt comfortable, which would get me a high dose anxiety medication that I could take if I ever felt myself experiencing a panic attack. She had recommended I begin an anti-psychotic as well, but accepted my refusal without pushing it.

I didn't want to change who I was, it had taken me too long to accept it.

Pulling my hood down, I brushed my bangs back into their usual position and out of my eyes, sighing in an attempt to relieve the churning sensation filling the pit of my stomach as I walked into the backyard of Tyson's family's dojo. I could hear everyone talking among one another, some of it drown out by Maxie's giggling.

"Kai!" Tyson called, his confused expression from not expecting me turning into a wide grin rather quickly. "What are you doing here? I thought you still have another two weeks of school?"

Two and a half, actually.

"I'm off today." I neglected to give the reason, none of that involved my motivation for being here now and it didn't calm my nerves that continued to creep up on me.

"Well we weren't planning on practicing until this evening, but I guess you've always been the one to keep us on our game."

I was surprised he hadn't mentioned my clothing choices, normally pointing out if I was ever out of tournament uniform even if it was only to practice. Maybe they did look confused about it, I honestly wasn't sure, I couldn't bring myself to actually look at any of them.

"Hey," I heard Max remark. "You alright?"

I wasn't alright, I was terrified.

"I didn't come here to battle." I admitted. I hadn't even brought my blade with me. "I just… wanted to see you guys."

"Well that's not a sentence I ever thought I'd here." Tyson giggled playfully.

Still, none of them mocked me or anything like that, allowing me into their social circle with no questions asked. I wasn't sure what they were currently discussing; Max seemed to be acting out a scene from a television show and Kenny was asking Rei questions about his home life. He had apparently begun teaching some of the village kids a few battle strategies.

"So long as you didn't knock your girlfriend up." Tyson laughed, causing both Rei and Max to blush uncomfortably and for the latter to glare at him.

"Uh… definitely not." Rei said awkwardly.

I suddenly found my thoughts wandering in a strange direction, meaning that I was now wondering if Rei's old school village elders permitted birth control or if they just weren't having sex yet.

"Tyson, for goodness sake..." Hillary sighed, covering her face with her hand.

"Max," Kenny thankfully changed the topic. "How's your family doing? How old is Charlotte now?"

He looked uncomfortable, either from what Tyson had said or from having to talk about his home life. We didn't question Max often, instead seeing the obvious signs that he didn't have what one would call a typical upbringing. In a way I understood, I wasn't the product of a teen parent but I understood the strange feeling of being replaced by a younger sibling.

Still it must be odd to have a younger sibling that your parents are actually at the proper age to have now.

I guess none of us were typical.

"She's nine months old." He said while fidgeting with his fingers. "Crawling now."

"She looks just like you."

"No." He disagreed. "She looks like her mom."

I had seen photographs of her before and couldn't help but disagree. Charlotte did look predominantly Caucasian, but her thick mess of blonde hair was much darker than that of Max and their mother and she had cheeks that took up too much of her face to really make out specific features.

Actually, this entire conversation was uncomfortable, as though they suddenly felt like they had to ask everyone about their personal life as soon as I showed up instead of just talking and goofing around the way they had been before.

It made it easier to pretend I shouldn't break the tension, wondering if I could use it as an excuse to go back to school without getting into my entire reason for being here in the first place.

"I actually came here because I wanted to talk to all of you." I eventually admitted awkwardly, refusing to bring my eyes back up from the ground where I continued to watch myself kick dirt up for no particular reason.

Their conversation paused, I was pretty confident that I had never told any of them I wanted to talk to them at any point in our entire friendship.

"What's up?" Tyson asked, taking a seat next to me before fixing his ponytail. They all looked at me with concern, as though I was about to tell them I was dying or needed an organ transplant. I think they could sense the tension I was putting in the air through my obvious discomfort.

"It's just… I know I distance myself from you guys a lot. I'm trying to be better about that, trying to maybe let people in a bit more." I wasn't really sure where to start.

"You've always been a private person." Max shrugged. "I get that."

"I should have asked for help a long time ago." None of them responded, allowing me to keep talking without an excuse to stop. "When my grandfather was arrested, I mean… I should have told you guys the state had taken custody of me."

"What are you talking about?" Max asked.

Fuck… I was so bad at this… I had completely forgotten that Max and Rei didn't know the reason behind my being in boarding school in the first place. I don't think they even realized my grandfather had been the one to raise me.

"My mom died when I was six." I explained, "And my father left a few years later. My grandfather was the one to raise me after leaving The Abbey and because I didn't have any family in Japan that I knew of there wasn't anywhere for me to go when he was arrested."

"Hang on… You're in foster care?"

I blushed.

"Not exactly. I'm in custody but I'm allowed to board, so I more or less take care of myself. My case worker wants me to live with my dad during the summer since we found out he lives in Japan with my step mom and half brother, Riku."

"Kai," Rei added on, "Why didn't you tell us any of this?"

"Tyson knew." I admitted. "I didn't want any of you to feel pity for me or think that I needed help. I… I don't really know how to reach out to people, or how to be a good friend..."

"So you have a little brother? Have you met him?"

"Yeah. I stayed at my dad's for a week when I got suspended. I mean, I had met him before that, I've been having supervised visitations with my father and he usually brings him." Pause. "I got into a fight… that's why I was suspended. I'm okay, though. I've had Wyatt, I haven't been alone." I was completely rambling, unable to stay within the same topic for more than just a few sentences. I wasn't going to cry, though. That was one one thing I absolutely would not allow of myself. "If I didn't, I'm not sure how I would have gotten through everything this year."

"Your girlfriend?" Rei asked.

"No." I didn't mean to snap at him, it's not like he was accustomed to English names, there was no real reason for him to assume Wyatt was a boy.

"You broke up?" His voice had dropped ever so slightly, like he was anticipating for this to be the part I was getting at, that I had a girlfriend and we had broken up and that was why I was so miserable.

"I don't have a girlfriend, Rei." I said with my fists gripping my pants tightly. "I never had a girlfriend, Wyatt isn't a girl." I lifted my head up, hoping they couldn't see the shame my face held. "You guys..." I took a deep breath. "I'm gay."

At that very moment, every bit of awkward discomfort I felt seemed to completely dissolve away, leaving me feeling like an enormous weight had been lifted from my shoulders, only this time I hadn't hidden it inside of a scarf.

I said it.

I said it, and the world didn't end.

For what felt like an eternity, none of them spoke, not until Kenny reached into his pocket and handed Hillary a small amount of yen.

"Thank you." She said smugly.

"Um..." I raised an eyebrow. "What was that?"

"I just lost a bet." Kenny admitted, face now a light shade of pink.

"I already knew." Tyson shrugged.

"I had a feeling..." Max admitted. "It doesn't change how we feel about you, though. You're our friend, nothing is going to change that." There was an odd amount of shame in his eyes. "Everyone has secrets, but it's not our job to decide when those secrets need to come out." He blushed. "Pun not intended, I swear."

Rei was just staring at me, the gears in his head slowly turning while he contemplated what I had just said. Did he even know what it meant?

My mind was pulled away from the look on his face by Max and Tyson hugging me, pushing their weight onto me until I fell backward from my seated position and onto my back.

"We're proud of you." Tyson said, ruffling my hair like a child.

It wasn't just them.

I was proud of me too.

Xxx

I had begun walking back to school with more of a spring in my step than usual, my anxiety suddenly relaxed and no longer weighing my body down. It wasn't until I remembered my reasoning for leaving school in the first place that reality veered its ugly head, a lump hitting the pit of my stomach as I thought about Wyatt.

I needed to see him, to apologize for what I had done, explain myself.

Walking into the building and through the hallways I was met with utter silence. Everyone was staring at me, whispering to those around them and looking as though I would attack at any time.

Attempting to ignore them as best I could, I made my way up the stairs and toward Wyatt's dorm room, knocking cautiously and calling out to him.

"Wyatt?" I said. "It's me… can I come in? I'm really sorry..."

It only took him seconds to open the door, rushing into the hallway where I stood and wrapping his arms around me tightly.

"You scared the absolute hell out of me!" He said, cheeks stained with the lines of his tears. "You looked like you were possessed."

I pulled both of us back into his dorm and closed the door. I didn't want to talk about this in the middle of the hallway.

"Wyatt, I'm so sorry..." I mumbled, holding onto him tightly. "I don't know what happened, the radiator burned me and I just blacked out."

It was mostly true, I had no memory of what had happened but I wasn't sure if blacking out was the correct word. It had been like I had entered a dream, the line between reality and my own head blurred to the point where I had truly believed that I was still eight years old and being tortured on the street. It had felt so real.

"You were speaking Russian, so I don't know what you were saying, but you were screaming it… You just started shrieking like you were being tortured. I tried to get you to stop but I think you thought I was going to hurt you."

He was holding the cuffs of his long sleeves down, squeezed into the palms of his hands.

"I attacked you." I stated. I had already known it, but it didn't feel real.

"No! You were trying to protect yourself, you were trying to get away. If I had let you go you wouldn't have gone after anyone. It was my fault for touching you in the first place."

"Let me see."

I held out my hand, his face darkening into a deep blush as he questioned whether showing me was a good idea or not. Eventually he obliged, allowing me to take his arm and roll his sleeve up.

The two welts were swollen, marked with the bruised indentations of my own teeth embedded deeply into his flesh. It looked as though the skin was millimeters from being punctured, meaning I had been extremely close to drawing blood.

"I really am alright." He continued. "I didn't need a shot or stitches or anything like that. All they did was clean the area off and offer me a pain med but I didn't take it. They didn't offer anything strong enough where I could have any fun with it." He attempted to laugh awkwardly, deciding at the last minute that the joke was in bad taste. "I've never seen that level of fear in a persons eyes before..." He said sadly. "It was like you thought you were going to die."

"I'm really sorry..."

"You shouldn't be. You weren't in control of your actions."

I didn't like it when people told me that, it sounded too much like an excuse, like a line abusers used in order to explain their actions.

I had to remember that little boy I had been again…

I could blame myself all I wanted, but I couldn't blame him…

Now, allowing silence to fill the room was rather calming, causing me to slowly go back to the relaxed state that I had been in before entering his dorm.

I still felt terrible, but my anxiety was improving, the weight was gone. I didn't fully understand it but it truly felt as though it was gone and all it had actually taken was for me to utter those two stupid words that I had been repeatedly refusing to say.

"I told my team..." I mumbled quietly, hoping the change of topic didn't come too out of nowhere.

"About what happened?"

"That I'm gay..." My stomach tingled in minor embarrassment, I still didn't really like using that word, I didn't like feeling like my preference needed some sort of label. At the end of the day I was still me.

Wyatt didn't say anything, instead smiling widely and wrapping his arms around me before kissing my lips in a clumsy way. His weight toppled me over and onto my back.

"Holy shit, Kai!" He giggled. "That's huge!"

"Dude, don't say that so loud behind a closed door..." I smirked.

We were laying down, embraced tightly within each other. Taking only a moment to separate, a moment where we looked deeply at one another, we moved our faces closer before resting our lips together once more, tongues slipping into our parted lips.

It had been awhile since we made out…

"Is it bad that you coming out to your friends turns me on?"

Clearly he suddenly felt better.

"I mean, a little..."

It wasn't just him, the kissing and heavy petting had turned me on too and he was likely fully aware of it from the tent I was currently pitching. I was in the moment now, allowing my subconscious to take control and unsure of what I was going to do or say.

"Hey, I'm not the only one enjoying this." He giggled, unbuttoning my pants and slipping me out of them. "I've never actually seen your cock before. I kept it in your pants last time."

I wasn't sure what his plan was. Was he going to suck it? Should I do it to him too?

Without fully processing what I was about to say, it came out… something I had not expected from myself.

"Wyatt..." I said quietly. "Have sex with me..."

He paused immediately, taking his hands off of me and scooting back.

"Hang on, what?" He said.

I was blushing deeply… was he really going to make me say it a second time?

"I want you to be my first..."

Clearly I had completely ruined the mood, Wyatt now stopping everything he had been doing and instead laying down next to me, cupping my cheek in the same hand he just held my dick in. Nice.

"Kai..." He said. "You aren't ready."

"I am." I didn't want to sound like I was pleading, but this is what I wanted. "You have condoms, right?"

"No, I mean..." He was blushing. "We haven't really fooled around in that way. It takes… prep work."

I felt like I was in a middle school sex ed class, all the tension in the air both erotic and extremely awkward.

"Oh..." I answered. "I didn't think about that."

He pulled me into him tightly, nuzzling his cheek to mine.

"Hey, don't be embarrassed, if it makes you feel any better you just gave me at least a month of wanking material just by asking."

He hugged me tightly, planting a kiss on my cheek and moving his hand into mine, our fingers now interlacing. Would it be awkward to ask to leave if nothing was going to happen so that I could at least go jack off…?

My body felt more relaxed every moment that I spent with him, my anxiety had been calming, I had been staying in the moment.

If he would have me, I was ready…