The morning came too soon; Ryan awoke in the Celadon hotel as groggy as King Bob after a tourney. But he had to go get that badge (the plot must go on), so up he got. He got dressed, ate himself some room service 'assorted fruit' (it was mediocre) and set out for Erika's grass gym. The teal-haired boy had a plan - roast Erika's Pokémon like ants with a magnifying glass (source: HZ 1) with his new Charizard. Ryan, like any good Pokémon Master, knew grass Pokémon were weak against fire types. And I've got the best fire type there is.
Logan was still asleep on his own bed, and Ryan left him where he was. Ain't nobody got time to wake up that rando. Ryan stumbled out into the new day, which was quite too bright for him. It was merely 10 o'clock, but it was as cold as miserable as my professor named Terrence Elliot (may he not rest in pieces). He is a terrible sapien, who didn't even give the Beatles more than five minutes of lecture time, but I digress.
Ryan stepped outside and saw that around him, there was a farmer's market in full bloom. He hated such things. Buying organic fruit for exorbitant prices was not his favorite activity in the world. It ranked just above cleaning the kitty litter box in his best friend's house.
The streets were as crowded as Lu Xun's mind. Men and women, Pokémon trainers and their Pokémon companions, travelers and miscreants all crowded around wooden stalls, exchanging Poké Dollars and organic food like a bunch of veritable vexations. Ryan had to be swallowed whole and spit out again before he came to the end of the farmer's market, where one last stand stood in all its ramshackle glory. It looked like a 20 year old chicken coop that hadn't been used in 19 years. This stand was manned by a woman he recognized; an older, lumpy female. Let's call her Jenny (she has no relation to any officer, which makes this even more confusing). She was sitting behind a small wooden stand with piles of jackfruit for sale. Ryan's belly grumbled. I like me some jackfruit.
"Yo Jenny," Ryan said. He was a balla, as she well knew. She was the mother of all of his old friends back in Boston, Kanto. "Gimme sommadat jackfruit jafeel me?"
"It's really sticky!" she cautioned. "I have known you since you were a small child Ryan, be careful."
"I like getting my fingers sticky," the boy reminded her, and he bought an entire 47 lbs. fruit for a mere 160 Poké Dollars.
"Have you seen my own perfect child… Quinny?" She cleared her throat. "He is one of the best people; he went to UC Berkeley. Tell him to come home soon because I need him to unload the dishwasher."
"I'll keep an eye out for him," Ryan promised. He was about to leave when he remembered something."Oh, has Quinny become a master gardener like he promised he would?"
Jenny was looking at her phone, playing Candy Crush and not paying attention. Fine, be that way. Maybe I won't weed whack your backyard anymore. He placed the spiked fruit in his backpack and continued on towards the gym. Gotta save the sixth best fruit in the world for my celebratory feast after I destroy Erika.
He made his way over to the hulking, greenhouse-wannabe building, which had a sign on it that read: 'Out of order, contact the supervisor'. "Who's the supervisor?!" Ryan yelled angrily. "Come on, I need this badge!"
He looked around and saw that no one else was paying attention to the gym or him. This is just like season one of the Pokémon anime all over again. So Ryan did the only thing he could do - he went to the Poké Center to kill time. Invariably, this allows certain plot points to develop, otherwise this would have been a terrible idea. Ryan went to the Poké Center like he was on a field trip in third grade where his dad bought him an ice cream,but didn't buy any for any of the other kids he was driving, which made this all pretty awkward. As Ryan rested his Pokémon, he browsed the Poké Center's inventory, which was legit af. They had all sorts of TMs, most of which were useless and overpriced as a pair of hello kitty panties. But Ryan saw one TM that he liked - a Hyper Beam. Lordy, lordy, he thought. That's just what I need for NaVorro and Myrrah and Aegon too! Practically my whole team needs this move!
So he bought it, he did. It made Ryan nearly broke to purchase such an expensive move, but he didn't care. He was always living on the edge. He was like a cannibal hobo, riding those Lionel Trains. He had just given three of his Pokémon a move they would use in the upcoming Indigo League; that made it worth it. The boy looked at the canister he had purchased and read the instructions: 'To teach a Pokémon this move, simply spray them in the face for at least five seconds. They'll understand soon enough.'
That made sense. Ryan returned to Nurse Joy, who looked fine as a bottle of merlot (I mean orange juice), and requested his Pokés. She gave them to him after a nice succ. Ryan took Aegon, Myrrah, and NaVorro out of their fresh, shiny balls then and there and sprayed them all in the face with the Hyper Beam TM.
"There, now everyone knows Hyper Beam!" Ryan shrieked.
"Aharhaahahahahahah!" Aegon grumbled, semi-lucidly.
"Squeakalalka!" Myrrah added in a dazed tone.
"Grhmmpph!" NaVorro snorted with a tremendous amount of consciousness, given the circumstances.
It was a beautiful cacophony of noise, which Ryan understood as well as he did the nuances of Liebermann's melodic fancies in Op. 29, No 1. "Great job everyone, now you know Hyper Beam! It's the best move ever! I will need you guys to be able to use this one during the Indigo League," he told them, patting the three on the head before returning them into their balls. He didn't wait to hear what they thought about learning the new move; that would waste an insane amount of space in this already-packed chapter.
Ryan bought a sandwich of peanut butter and honey and sat in that Poké Center until high noon, at which time he returned to the dusty streets of Celadon City. He wondered if Logan had woken up yet, but felt too lazy to go back to the hotel to check. Outside, he found the endless squabble of the farmer's market still going on into the wee hours of the noon, as if it were a Green Day concert. It nearly made him sick. This is such a non-wonderful mess.
Ryan decided to pass the time by going into a side building, which was called 'Thousand Cranes'. Once inside, Ryan saw the place was a rustic building, to be sure, wrought of bamboo wood, old as a mummer's farce. The very air seemed to be thick with dust. Ryan walked up to the podium in the center of the room, where an old Chinese man stood, yelling 'Cartwright!'.
"Hello, what is this placed?" asked the boy known as Ryan.
"Thousand Cranes, Cartwright four!" the man bellowed, fingering his ear and nearly collapsing on the crimson rug. "P-please… go on, don't bother me, I am poor man of little fame."
"Oh okay," Ryan said, pushing his way forward past the apparently dying man. He thought he'd seen that man somewhere before, but he couldn't think of where.
In the next room were a series of paper doors, painted with ink in delicate strokes, rendering flowers and lilypads and even vagabonds in the WC in their forms. Ryan took the first door forward and soon found himself in a circle of hominids - three men and four women. A regally-robed woman sat at the center of the group, preparing tea, while the other six sat around her in a circle, still as the dawn. They all wore kimonos and looked as if they were about to drink some kool-aid.
Ryan took his seat next to a middle-aged woman who wore a kimono with a patterning of 99 red cranes. That made Ryan feel nice. He took a misshapen cup and gave her a wink (he really wanted to take her back to his hotel room, but I digress); the woman didn't even look at Ryan, but was sipping her tea like a hypnotized spectre. That doesn't surprise me, Ryan thought sadly. My hair could start a bowl cut fad, and the state of my attire's pretty sad.
They drank tea in silence as the woman in the center of the room poured it with utter indifference and slowness, akin to a Slowpoke dipping its tail in a fountain hoping to evolve into a Slowbro. It was as sad as it was desolate in its beauty. That is to say, Ryan thought the woman with 99 cranes 'round her neck was prettier than even the Nurse Joy in Pewter City. But he couldn't say anything since fancy time was happening. The tea server was really serious about what she was doing, and when she finally poured Ryan his cup, he took it, drank it, and thought it was unbelievably mediocre.
Afterwards, as everyone filed out in stiff silence, Ryan confronted the woman with 99 cranes on her kimono, who didn't look a day past fifty years old. "Nice tea," he said.
"Yes, it was exquisite…" the woman said distantly. She brought a robed hand to her mouth and yawned dramatically. "It reminds me of home."
You wouldn't happen to have a big dark patch of skin hidden somewhere on your body, would you? "Well, if you need a home tonight, my room number is 102 in the Celadon Hotel," Ryan said hopefully.
The woman laughed and walked off. He took out and waved the golden chicken bone he had won from an eccentric old man in the last chapter, hoping that would interest the woman, but alas, it did not. Curses, he thought. She was almost in me, like a dancer who is tiny.
But Ryan knew it was going to be alright, even if he was on a sinking ship. He was never the short knife and never dull mind; Ryan had always been somewhere in between. As such, he'd never been good enough, or bad enough for anyone. That made him cry a long time. The woman was getting away, and Ryan was going to cry himself a river, when he saw her making her way to the Celadon Gym. She walked right up to it without care and opened the door, taking the 'Out of order' sign off, just like that.
Ryan's jaw dropped. He wondered, is that Erika? If that is, she's nice as all heck. He ran over to the gym preparing to make his way inside when a man came running out from the bushes. Old was he, and clothed in camouflage with binoculars around his neck (which reminded Ryan of a giraffe's). He had a mustache that would have looked more at home on the face of a thirteen year old boy, and he was scratching his chin as if to ponder the sun and stars and their relation to psychoneuroquanta.
"Nice girls inside," he laughed, elbowing Ryan as the boy walked past. "This gym's got all the hotties."
"Uh, sure man, whatever you say."
"Say, you wouldn't want to dress up as a girl for me, and sneak in and let me in, would you?"
"Why would I do that?"
"I wanna get inside!" the crotchety old man laughed lustily. "Wanna see me some of them girls! Woohoo! But they banned me… if you pretended to be Gym Leader Erika and let me in…"
"Dude, she's an old woman. No way I can pull that off." Ryan did like dressing up as girls, but only on the weekends and only when Gym Badges were not on the line.
"Aw shucks."
"It's okay," Ryan said, trying to comfort the lecherous man. "I'm sure you'll die before you get inside there. You're really old."
And with that, Ryan ran into the building. Inside the stench of perfume pervaded, as thick as his daddy's mustache. There were greenhouses and gardens, overflowing with flowers and pepper plants. It would have made Ryan's best friend, the aforementioned Quinny, cry with tears of habanero. Ryan felt a little less than indifferent at the sight of all the plants. I just want to win this badge, he thought.
As he was walking through the greenhouse, watching Oddishes, Bulbasaurs, and Bellsprouts dance in and out of the mist of falling water and perfume swimming through the air, he came upon a girl standing in his way. She blocked the path to the room beyond and wore a dress of orange and white, a pink bow in her blonde hair, and had a meek look on her face. When Ryan tried to pass her, she looked up at him, drew a Poké Ball, and shouted:
"If you want to face Gym Leader Erika, you'll have to get past me first!"
"Come on, I'm here to battle her, not you!"
"Most gyms have all sorts of lackeys! We're like cockroaches!" the girl declared with fervent yelps. "Battle me, or turn back now! If you hope to beat the Gym Leader, you should have no trouble with me!"
I won't. "Fine. How many Pokémon?"
"Two Pokémon apiece!" the girl cried. "A battle to the end!"
Ryan sighed and took out Aegon's ball. Let's just get this over with. "Go Aegon!"
"I'm known as Beauty around these parts," the girl insisted, and Ryan didn't really think that was an apt name. She looked alright, but she was no woman in a 99 red cranes kimono. "Go Oddish!"
"Go Aegon!"
"Poison Powder!" Beauty squealed.
"Earthquake," Ryan ordered his Charizard.
Aegon, who was a higher level, went first and rocked that Oddish's world. But he didn't rock it enough, for when the ground stopped shaking, the Oddish popped up like an annoying weed and shot its Poison Powder at Aegon. The cursed, tricksy powder hit the fire Pokémon in the face, causing him to growl.
"Aegon the Charizard has become poisoned!" Dex told Ryan.
"Oh no! Come on! Did you really have to use a cheap trick?"
Beauty shrugged.
"Ugh, okay Aegon, use Fire Blast."
"Rawahahahawr!" Aegon screamed, warming up his inner fire before blasting the little plant thing with a hurricane of cleansing dragonflame. When the smoke cleared, the Oddish had collapsed; Ryan saw the swirly eyes on its face and knew it had fainted.
"Score one for Ryan, the greatest Pokémon Master ever!" the teal-haired boy shouted with glee.
"Raa…" Aegon agreed, though the poison was continuing to affect him.
"Very well. Go Gloom!"
"Okay this time Aegon, don't let her use a move. I need you to be alright to face Erika, okay?"
"Mwrahaha!" the Charizard shrieked. His confidence made Ryan feel good. His next blast of fire made Ryan feel even better, especially when he saw the Gloom fall over, roasted to a crisp.
"You beat me!" Beauty complained, falling to the ground, her legs splayed in an impossibly cute manner. She looked like she was going to cry, and before Ryan could say anything, she threw a bunch of Poké Dollars at him as well as a canister that read 'Mega Drain' and ran off.
"That was weird," Ryan said. He picked up the TM canister and looked it over. "Hey, I could give this to Spectre… But that'll have to wait until after I get my badge!"
Aegon barked and returned to his ball. Ryan saw a few other girls standing around the greenhouse as he moved further into the Gym, but he never got within their lines of sight, so as to not trigger them to walk forward several steps and challenge him to a fight. He'd learned this lesson in the Cinnabar Island Gym.
Eventually, Ryan came to the end of the room, where he saw a woman standing in front of a mess of vines, holding a watering jug in her hand. Next to her stood a Gloom, humming tunelessly. The light of the sun was coming in through the great window panes in front of the woman, silhouetting her against the wild green. It was hot in that room, as humid as a summer spent in North Carolina. But even in the blinding light, Ryan could make out the red dancing cranes lining Erika's kimono. That was her, he knew. He drew Aegon's ball and stepped forward to face his opponent.
"Erika!" Ryan's voice echoed throughout the greenhouse. "I'm here to challenge you for a Rainbow Badge!"
"Oh, another challenger already?" the woman said lazily, turning around. Water was still spilling out of her watering jug, giving the floor moss some much-needed rain.
"That's right." Ryan raised his Poké Ball, preparing to throw it. "Can we get this over with, please?"
"As you wish," the woman yawned, moving as slowly as a Slowbro dipped in molasses. "Three on three, how does that sound to you?"
"Sounds fine," Ryan replied.
"Good," the woman spoke, her eyes fluttering as if she was trying to stay awake. At once, she beheld Ryan and remembered him. "Hey… you're the boy from the tea ceremony."
"That's right." He took out the golden chicken bone again and waved it at her hopefully.
She snorted and unhooked a Poké Ball from her belt. "You were quite sure of yourself before. Let's see how well you do in a battle. Tangela, I choose you!"
"Aegon, win this one for me!"
The Charizard and Tangela materialized in front of their trainers, ready to square off.
"Tangela, the Vine Pokémon. Its identity is obscured by masses of thick, blue vines. The vines are said to never stop growing," good, faithful Dexy droned.
"Thanks, but I don't think those vines are gonna save it," Ryan boasted, ignoring his Charizard's poisoned state. "Fire Blast, buddy!"
Aegon obeyed, bathing the little mess of blue vines in his super effective fire. Suffice to say, fire beats grass any day, and soon Tangela was charred as black as spinach anytime Ryan tried to cook it.
Erika yawned noisily. "Impressive. Your Charizard knows a good move. Now go, Weepinbell!"
Aegon let out a cry of pain as the poison ravaged his body. Ryan grit his teeth. Just a little more, he urged his Pokémon. Just have to beat two more and I'll take you to the Poké Center, I promise. Out of the ball came Erika's Weepinbell, another grass Pokémon, another one destined to be destroyed by Aegon's flames.
Ryan was getting bored of using the same attack over and over again, though. He wasn't a spammer, not like Robbie and Xiao Bao. So, abandoning reason for madness, Ryan shouted, "Hyper Beam! Show that Weepinbell your new move, buddy!"
"Rawr!" Aegon roared, taking to the sky as he charged up his attack.
"Wrap him when he returns," Erika said calmly to her Weepinbell. "Do not let him escape."
The Hyper Beam shone from Aegon's nose like a flashlight. The fire Pokémon circled in the skies, charging up his new attack, before shooting at the Weepinbell like a bullet. Just before Aegon reached his quarry, he released his white energy, coving the poor grass Pokémon entirely. Triumphantly, Aegon landed in front of Ryan and crossed his arms in satisfaction.
But Weepinbell was not destroyed, even though it was very much injured. It limped out of the smoke and rushed at Aegon, taking him unaware. Though the Charizard struggled, he could not get out of the vine grip of the cursed grass Pokémon. It wrapped him once, and he screamed from the damage and the ravages of poison; again this happened; when the third wrap came, Aegon fainted after the poisonous damage rippled through his body. He collapsed, and Ryan returned him to his Poké Ball.
The boy reached for a Poké Ball and yelled, "Abra, it's your turn!" But there was no Poké Ball that had an Abra inside it, he realized after he went searching through his bag. Abra is gone. Emotion came flooding to Ryan again, and he was briefly lost in thought. Trying to clear his thoughts, Ryan picked up the first Poké Ball he found and threw it. Out came NaVorro, the leal Tauros.
"Blizzard, buddy!" There was distress in the boy's voice, a sense of fear that he tried to swallow away. NaVorro stamped his feet and covered the already-weakened Weepinbell in a frosty surprise, forcing Erika to recall it.
"Okay Gloom, it's your turn," the woman said in her dreamy voice. The Pokémon at her side squealed and jumped forward, ready to battle.
"Blizzard again!"
NaVorro wrapped the Gloom in a mess of ice spikes, snow, and foul winds. Gloom was a steadfast Pokémon though, stronger than Erika's other two, and it weathered that storm. When the snow winds cleared, Gloom shook the ice off its leaves and ran at NaVorro. When it reached him, it shot a powder from its head-flower, which covered NaVorro and made him collapse, fast asleep.
"Sleep Powder," Dex counseled. "Your Tauros has fallen asleep wise master."
"Dang!" Ryan recalled NaVorro and threw another ball - this one contained the devious and tricksy Spectre, Ryan's Haunter. "Thunderbolt, Spectre. Come on boy, don't fail me this time!" You were supposed to win me my Marsh Badge, Ryan thought, and you failed. Now win me a Rainbow Badge to make up for last time.
"Haunter, haunt!"
"Sleep Powder again!" Erika commanded her Pokémon.
It was no use. Haunter was faster, as had been all of Ryan's Pokémon. He knew what that meant. Mine are higher levels… and yet she still took out two of them, including a Charizard. She's really good. Haunter bounced casually over to the Gloom, began to laugh maniacally as he looked down on the helpless plant Pokémon, and just when it tried to shoot its Sleep Powder at him, he conjured a Thunderbolt between his hands and effortlessly threw it at his foe. Gloom shrieked as it was electrocuted and singed, and a moment later, it fell over, defeated.
"Yeesssssssssssssss!" Ryan screamed, punching the sky. "That's seven!"
Erika yawned, bringing dancing red cranes to her mouth. She returned her Gloom to its ball and walked over to Ryan, taking something out of her pocket as she made the arduous journey. When she reached him, she presented a rainbow-colored Rainbow Badge to him in her palm. "I concede defeat. You are remarkably strong. I must confer you the Rainbow Badge," she said, and Ryan took what he had won from her hand. "I wish you good fortune in the battles to come," she said. "Your Pokémon use a variety of TMs, is that correct?"
Ryan nodded, not looking at her. He was enthralled by the beauty of his seventh badge.
"That is quite clever. You will do well in the Indigo League if you make it that far. Good luck."
"Thanks!" Ryan beamed. He took out his little badge booklet and placed the Rainbow Badge just to the right of the Marsh Badge. He looked over the seven shiny pins he had won; it all looked remarkably cohesive. That was his entire journey right there, showing all that he had accomplished. But there was yet one open space, one badge he had not earned: Viridian City's, he thought. And once again, Ryan was reminded of Kelly, and how long ago she had been in this position herself, when she had left the group. She's been training her Pokémon for weeks. He gulped, thinking about the magnitude of her head start. He wouldn't be getting his Earth Badge for a few more days at least. I'm months behind her, he thought glumly. If we fought today, she'd beat me as easily as a Zapdos would a Krabby.
Erika was still standing there, staring at Ryan, as if she had just said something. "Oh," he said at last. "Sorry, I got distracted."
"It's okay," she replied, yawning deeply. "The perfume… it has always made it difficult for me to concentrate."
"Well I better get going," Ryan told Erika. "I still have one more badge to get!"
"You better hurry," she cautioned. "The Indigo League starts in ten days."
"Ten days?!" Ryan's heart nearly stopped. "Are you kidding?"
"Nope," she smiled. "I'd run if I were you. The road back to Viridian City from here is long and treacherous."
Ryan nodded, his eyes wide with fright, his forehead slick with sweat. Like a madman, he dashed out of the Celadon City Gym. There's no time to spare. I have to get to Viridian City as soon as possible!
It was perhaps 5 o'clock when Ryan returned to the streets, where most of the fruit and vegetable venders were beginning to pack up and leave for the day. The crowds perusing the streets were not as large as they had been before. Thus, Ryan could get a good look down the streets, and that was how he found Logan, who was purchasing a few items from a food stand. When Ryan came upon him and tapped him on the shoulder, Logan jumped and dropped the fresh eggs he had bought, splattering them all over the cobbled streets.
He must've thought I was a ghost. Ryan grinned. Logan spun around yelling, "Hey, what's the big idea…?!" Ryan hushed that sass mouth up real good when he showed the boy his new Rainbow Badge. "Wow, does that mean you have seven badges now?" Logan asked.
"Yep," replied Ryan. "Just gotta go to Viridian City, and that's it. The Indigo League's in ten days, so we should get going. Are you ready?"
"Yeeeeeeah…" Logan said, stepping gingerly over the broken eggs. "Just let me get a few more things."
"Why?"
"Fry!" Logan said with a sinister grin. "I'm going to make us scrambled eggs tomorrow morning!"
"Okay weirdo, but you do know that tomorrow we're going back into the forest, right? Who eats scrambled eggs while camping?"
"I do!" Logan proclaimed. "Because I just saw Gordon Ramsay's video on how to make them!"
"Oh okay. Well in that case, carry on."
As Ryan watched Logan go crazy buying chives and butter and crème fraîche, something caught his eye. When he looked across the street, he couldn't believe it. No way, he thought. That's a human Snorlax if I ever saw one. Indeed it was: approaching Ryan, the boy could see, was the jovial Rahul, as large as Chris Christie (Rahul's favorite politician in Ryan's estimation), followed by Alex, the noblest trainer in all of Kanto, whose face was bowed and focused on the 3DS he held between his grubby little paws.
"Yo Ryan!" Rahul was smiling, and his goatee made him look much older than the 17 year old boy he actually was. He was as slick as a Seel on ice. "Long time no see."
"Rahul!" Ryan went running over to him but didn't hug him because that would be weird. "I thought we missed each other."
"No way," Rahul retorted. "We only got here yesterday. See?" He took out his own Rainbow Badge, and a quick 'you show me yours and I'll show you mine' unfolded. Once it was over, Rahul said, "So I guess that means we're going to Viridian now."
"Yep," said Ryan. "Erika told me we only have 10 days before the start of the Indigo League, so we better hurry."
"Alright, and didja miss me?" spoke Alex in that deep voice of his. He didn't even look up, so entransed with his game was he.
"Yeah, nice to see you again Alex."
"He just got Fire Emblem: Fates. So he's kind of busy, and by kind of, I mean all he does is play that game now," Rahul told Ryan.
"Oh okay. So what have you guys been up to since we split up?"
Rahul looked at the sky, trying to remember. "Hmm… well, we stopped by a friend's house to play Halo."
"We usually do that when we're together," Alex explained.
"And you got the Soul Badge, right?"
"Oh yeah, Koga was a piece of cake," Rahul said, licking his lips. And to think once upon a time, long ago, I struggled so much with that gym.
"Cool, so are you guys ready to leave?"
"No way," Rahul said calmly, slapping his belly and stroking his goatee.
"Why not?"
"Derny Sandcastle's giving a speech here tomorrow. I want to watch it."
Ryan was more than a little confused. "Uh… who?"
"He's running for president," Alex muttered.
"Yeah, he's the best! #Feelthesandbetweenyourlegs," Rahul smiled. He took out his phone and pointed at the screen. "He's the best. Look, I've posted 419 emotional documentaries about him on my Facebook wall!"
"I'm sure that would be very annoying to anyone who's friends with you."
Rahul shrugged. "I'm just speaking the #truth! If we don't elect Derny Sandcastle, the world is just going to stay as corrupt as it always is! Hilaryous Rodhammius is just another corrupt politician. We can't let her become the president of Kanto!" Rahul raised his sonic screwdriver to the sky. "I swear by the old gods and the new that I will never be cruel, nor cowardly, never give up, and never give in. We have to support Derny Sandcastle! He is the #1 My Little Ponyta fan! He promised me not only free rainbows and free tuition for Smogon University, but he swore he's going to give everyone a free Meowth once he's elected! Think about all the money you'll get, Ryan… from now on those big corporations won't be able to treat you like a slave anymore! Down with capitalism! Up with Marxism-Leninism! None of this is fantasy; Derny's making my fantasies real!"
"I've always wanted a Meowth!" Ryan said carelessly. "How you like me now?!"
"He's going to take all of the Meowths from Silph Co. and other big businesses and give them to all the poor and hardworking people, because it's time this country took care of its poor and its downtrodden and no more Wall Street corruption! Pay Days for everyone!" Rahul screamed like Howard of House Dean.
"Alright, that'll do," Ryan said. "I get that you like that guy but no one else cares."
"How dare you?!" Rahul yelled dramatically. "Derny Sandcastle is the future for Kanto! Without him we're doomed! Either you're with me or you're my enemy!"
"Oh my sweet summer child…" Ryan said, shaking his head and folding his arms. "Only a Sith deals in absolutes."
Alex played his game, perhaps oblivious to Rahul's diatribe, perhaps not. He didn't give off any sort of opinion either way.
"Look Rahul, it's time we blow this joint. You gonna join us or not?"
Rahul was glued to his phone. "I just posted two more emotional documentaries about how Derny's journey is as inspirational as a 1000 year old horoscope. It's so moving. I cry everytime. Oh and I also had to post a new status for every city he's lost, because clearly he can only lose when there's voter fraud."
If Rahul really was a commie, he'd share those rolls of blubber he has with the rest of us, not to mention his goatee. I want a goatee like that.
At that moment, Logan, his hands full of groceries from the farmer's market, came running over. "Hey, what's going on Ryan?"
"Oh yeah," Ryan said, grabbing Logan's shoulder and jerking him forward, into the group (and nearly making him drop his eggs again, but thankfully he didn't otherwise this chapter would be even longer). "So this is Logan. He's been traveling with me for a little more than a week now."
"Are you another trainer?" Alex asked, briefly looking up from the game he was playing.
"Um no… not really. Well I was at first, but I wasn't very good at being one!" Logan laughed nervously. "So I decided that instead I want to be a Pokémon Breeder!"
"Aaaaawesome!" Rahul said with that cheeky smirk of his that is so common on a Facebook photo of this guy. What a guy. "Derny needs plenty of breeders in his government to help redistribute more Pokémon to all people! Join him and vote for Derny Sandcastle this coming Tuesday!" Rahul said like a well-oiled drone (although that's kind of overselling his abilities).
"That's enough," Ryan growled. "I don't care about this Derny Sandcastle dude or the four hundred Facebook posts you make about him. Just shut up!"
Out from his Poké Ball came Spectre with such suddenness that Rahul did not have time to react. "Use Hypnosis on him," Ryan ordered. "I don't want him to say another thing about ol' Derny for the rest of our journey!"
"Haunter haunt!"
A moment later, Rahul fell like a sack of pennies, look at him go!
"Great," Alex sighed. "Now who's going to carry him?"
"I have just the Pokémon!" Ryan smiled, taking another ball out of his bag.
And so, as the day wore on and evening fast approached, the four trainers left Celadon City, making their way towards Viridian City. The only road back would lead them back through Saffron City and Pewter City, but there wasn't time for that. If I look back, I am lost, Ryan knew, so forward he went. And, consequently, that meant that the group would be taking their shortcut to Viridian City through the deep and dark and mysterious and perhaps dangerous Viridian Forest once again. I hope we don't see Dr. Kaku and his Growlithe again…
On they went, Ryan leading them, Logan just behind, rambling on about the restaurant-quality scrambled eggs he was going to make in the morning. Then came Alex, his face an inch from his 3DS as he played Fire Emblem: Fates as if there was no tomorrow. Ryan was happy that Alex at least had a hobby in his life now. And finally, snoring loudly from atop the back of NaVorro, was Rahul. Ryan liked him this way. There was no jive talk, no Doctor Who references, and no politics, because those kinds of discussions just make everyone uncomfortable. I'm glad we avoided that kind of stuff in this chapter so far.
But most of all, Ryan was happy because once, long ago, Rahul had complained that Tauros was not a useful Pokémon. He didn't use the one that Ash had given him as a gift. Well what do have to say about that now? NaVorro was the only one capable of carrying such a load; without him, the sleeping Rahul would have been surely left in the street where he lay, inevitably to cause traffic for days to come until someone appeared with a Poké Flute to wake the sleeping beast. But Rahul won't know that NaVorro saved him, Ryan thought sadly.
As they continued on, Ryan couldn't help but think about how annoying Rahul had become. He hoped Rahul wouldn't be like this when he woke up in the morning; he hoped Rahul wouldn't act like such a fool anymore, to borrow a term from Alex's vocabulary. Rahul's favorite movie is Pacific Rim, Ryan reflected. I guess it's no surprise that he's fallen in love with Derny Sandcastle after all. But hopefully we won't have to hear anymore about that.