Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Reasons Why I Hate James Potter
1. He always runs his fingers through his hair
2. He is ugly inside and out
3. He is mean to Severus
4. He just likes annoying me and it's just a game to him
The sun shined brightly through the sparse clouds. The birds chirped their beautiful songs in the trees. Lily laid on the soft grass, her eyes closed shut, as she enjoyed a break from her studies. It was peaceful outside as the other students relaxed and chatted amongst themselves, mostly keeping to their own groups. Lily did not have a care in the world. That is, until an annoying buzzing sound came right up to her ears.
During the first few seconds, Lily tried to ignore the noise, thinking it was a bee or a random insect that would just go away soon. Her eyes were still closed, but she squinted trying to concentrate on relaxing. However, the droning noise simply got louder and louder and closer and closer. With great frustration, Lily opened her eyes to the glint of a beating snitch flying right in front of her face.
Knowing full well who the snitch belonged to, Lily ignored its persistent beating wings and gathered her books and backpack to begin preparing her trek back to her dormitory. The snitch continued to follow her. It would fly right by her ear with its annoying buzzing and as soon as she turned her head, it would dash away and show up at her other ear.
It was just as annoying as its owner.
She had made her way up the large hill she was resting at and was met with the sight of the four marauders watching her with their ever-mischievous eyes.
The snitch still hummed in her ears.
Without giving it another thought, Lily reached out with rapid reflexes and grabbed the snitch with the hand that was not holding her books. The four boys jumped back in shock at Lily's talent. She maintained eye contact with them, her fury prominent in her green eyes as the four imbeciles had distracted from her stress-free time.
Lily had planned to take the snitch, throw it on the ground, and stomp it to oblivion to teach him a lesson, but the slip of paper that was currently crumpled in her hands distracted her. While she unhooked the paper from the golden orb, the snitch used that moment to escape her clutches and fly back to its owner. James grabbed the snitch easily and shoved it in his pocket, waiting for Lily to read the note he had sent her.
Rolling her eyes, Lily unraveled the message and read it in her head.
Miss Evans, will you go out with me?
YES: Smile
NO: Do a backflip
Yours truly,
James Potter
Tilting her head, her glare still persisting, Lily prepped her arms, reaching for the sky, before performing a perfect backflip to the surprise of her onlookers.
"Does that answer your question?" Lily asked with mock sweetness as she shoved past the marauders. She tried to hide her smile, rolling her eyes as she listened to the marauders as they joked around and shoved James, teasing him into oblivion.
She sure was glad her mum and dad forced her to take gymnastics as a young girl.
Her respect for the marauders grew tremendously after the past year. After learning about what they did every month for their friend, she knew that deep down, they were good people. They weren't the worst…but they were still pretty annoying. However, she had grown to enjoy their annoying-ness more and she had become slightly less irritated by it (just a little). She would never actually tell them that though.
Before she could make it to the girls' dormitory, she heard the sound of footsteps behind her and, "Red!"
Turning around, Lily was met with Sirius chasing after her like a dog off his leash. "Black," she said, "to what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Can we talk?" Sirius looked at her, his expression bordering grim.
When Sirius didn't smile and when he wasn't surrounded by his posse, Lily knew there must be something wrong. "Sure," she agreed.
"Alone?" Sirius asked.
Now Lily's curiosity was piqued. He didn't want the marauders to see him and Lily wanted to know why. Allowing Sirius to lead the way, the two of them went to the Room of Requirement.
Once they were settled on comfy couches, sitting across from each other, Lily asked, "What is it?"
"We're in our fourth year…"
"Brilliant observation."
Sirius looked at her with a slight twinge of exasperation. "We're in our fourth year and You-Know-Who's has started recruiting followers our age."
"I'm sorry, I'm really not interested," she joked.
"Merlin, Lily. I'm not fucking around here."
"Then tell me what you want! Stop beating around the bush." Lily didn't understand why Sirius was coming to her in the first place.
"Snape."
Lily froze completely. As the shock wore off she asked, "What about him?"
"I know the Dark Lord recruited him."
"Then you know more than me." She swallowed roughly, trying with all her might to believe the boy to be wrong. She knew Black and Potter hated Severus with everything they had, but to accuse him of siding with Voldemort was on a whole other level.
Sirius shook his head and looked down, defeated. "It's… it's not even about him."
Lily leaned forward, a look of concern blooming on her face. "What is it then, Sirius?" she asked kindly.
Rubbing his face wearily, he looked at her. "My little brother. He's, uh…" Sirius let out a huff of breath, "Well, he's a little impressionable. He's always done what my parents wanted. He always wants to fit in and—"
"You're scared he might join Voldemort's—" Lily ignored Sirius's reflex wince and finished, "—growing army."
"Regulus listens to Snape. For some reason, he looks up to the guy and Reg is just a year younger and he probably hasn't been recruited yet and I figured if you could talk to Snape and get him to convince Reg not to join… maybe…"
Lily looked at him with sad eyes. "Maybe what?"
"Maybe he can be saved." The desperation was clear on his face.
Lily stood up from her couch and walked to Sirius's, sitting herself right next to him. She held his hand and gripped it in her own. "Have you considered talking to him yourself? He's your little brother. You two might have completely different beliefs, but deep down, I'm sure he still looks up to you."
Sirius looked at Lily, his hand still in hers. "You don't understand, Red. He hates me. Ever since I got into Gryffindor, my parents made sure that my little brother only knows Sirius Black: blood traitor and coward."
"I know I don't have to tell you this, but you are not a traitor or a coward in any way and I understand more than you think. See, I have an older sister." Lily looked ahead, her eyes almost glazing over. "Petunia. She hates me. Ever since I got my letter to Hogwarts and she didn't. Even if she does hate me, I don't think there is anything she could do that could ever make me hate her." Lily looked at Sirius and smiled sadly. "That's the magic of older siblings."
"We've got pretty screwed up families, huh?" Sirius leaned back on the couch.
Lily followed, having her head lean against Sirius's shoulder. "Ain't that the truth." After a moment of comfortable silence, Lily said, "I'll talk to Snape, but I don't know how much help I can be."
"Thanks, Red."
"Of course." Lily considered the boy curiously. "Have you had the chance to talk to Potter about this?"
"About my brother?" Sirius shook his head. "No. I don't want to get James wound up in this in case it backfires."
"Oh, but I'm free game?" Lily poked his arm playfully.
"What's Snape gonna do to you?" Sirius shot back. "Hex you?"
"Touché."
"Besides, James has other things to worry about, I don't want to bother him with this."
"What other things?" Lily asked curiously.
"None of your business," Sirius retorted.
"That's rich."
Sirius sighed and admitted, "It's not my place to say."
Lily crossed her arms. "Fine."
"You can't actually be mad at me!" Sirius said in disbelief.
"I'm not."
"That's what all girls say when they are mad," he reasoned.
"You have all women figured out, don't you?" Lily said sarcastically.
"You're unbelievable." Sirius rolled his eyes. "I can't believe Prongs actually has a thing for you."
"Luckily for you, I don't have a thing for him, so your boyfriend's all yours."
Sirius hesitated for a moment before meeting Lily's eyes. "You're still gonna help me with my little brother, right?"
"Course." Lily smirked.
Sirius smiled and gave her a quick kiss on the temple before leaving the room. "You're the best, Red."
"And don't you forget it, Black."
Lily shook her head fondly at the boy. They could argue back and forth and make up the next second because they both knew the fight meant nothing. It was like two siblings fighting relentlessly. Back and forth, the fight would get intense as insults and even fists and random objects would be hurled across rooms, but then two minutes later, they would end up on the couch next to each other talking about the latest gossip or getting food together as if the fight never happened.
They both had pretty screwed up siblings, so in a way, they found some normalcy in each other.
She still had her backpack with her and since she didn't get to finish her work after her break was cut short by the need to do a backflip, Lily decided to get some work done while she was alone in the Room of Requirement.
Studiously working, Lily managed to get quite a bit done. A paper on the development of the revealing charm was completed, an analysis of the advantages and disadvantages of Felix Felicis was drafted, and a worksheet on Arithmancy was stared at blankly because Lily did not understand it at all.
The rumbling of her stomach took her out of her studying and Lily realized that she hadn't had dinner yet. There were no clocks, so Lily hoped with everything in her that she wasn't too late for dinner.
Quickly stuffing all her notes into her bag and opening the exit to the Room of Requirement, Lily took one step out before—
"Evans."
Lily nearly had a heart attack right then and there. "Merlin! What the actual bloody—"
"Don't you 'merlin' me." James squinted his eyes as he looked furiously at her. "I've been waiting here for hours."
Lily rolled her eyes as she kept walking. "I hope you realize how creepy you sound."
James took a few quick strides forward until he reached her and wasn't awkwardly trailing behind her anymore. "You and Padfoot walked into the Room of Requirement and then he left and then you didn't leave."
"Thank you for summarizing my life for me."
"What were you two doing… together?"
"Why don't you ask him?" Lily shot back.
"He didn't even tell me he was going to talk to you, I doubt he would tell me why." James ran a hand through his hair and with the other, he ran his thumb up and down a thick piece of parchment.
"Why would you think I would tell you what we were doing?"
"Is Sirius okay?" James grabbed her wrist and stopped her from walking any further. "That's all I want to know. I don't care if you two are making out or are having a secret affair… I mean, I do care and I would hate that, but you don't have to tell me that, I suppose, because it's none of my business and I don't want to be that person that stalks their best friend and the love of—"
"James!" Lily interrupted quickly. "Sirius is fine. You don't have to worry."
"Then why is he coming to you and not to his friends?" James asked, his head dropping to the floor and his eyebrows crinkling together in a way that Lily couldn't deny looked absolutely adorable. Or maybe it was the way he was so concerned about his best friend that was absolutely adorable. No. James Potter was not absolutely adorable. Well... okay, maybe he was slightly adorable.
"There are some things in life that require a woman's touch," Lily replied, in an attempt to sound mysterious.
James looked up so quickly it gave Lily whiplash and she watched as his eyes widened comically. "You touched him?"
"No!" Lily exclaimed, completely appalled. "I meant a woman's expertise! Like guidance and advice."
"Advice on what?"
"Life," she stated vaguely.
"Life?"
"Life."
"Oh, come on, Evans." James rolled his eyes.
"What can I say, Potter?" Lily continued her walk to the dining hall. "Sometimes a woman just has this deep understanding of life. An intuition, if you will. They have this beautiful vision of the world and their words can be so powerful and— oh, goddamn it!"
"Now those are some powerful words. Well done, woman."
"The dining hall is empty." Lily pouted.
"Yeah, no shit. It's past midnight."
"I didn't get any dinner."
"At least it isn't my fault this time," James joked. Lily remembered her first year when the two of them had detention together and had to work past dinner.
"I suppose I was a little dramatic as an eleven year old," Lily reminisced.
"A little?"
"Oh, sod off. I was well justified in my anger and I was hungry!" Lily's stomach growled loudly to prove her point. She crossed her arms around her stomach in embarrassment, but James just laughed it off.
"I did tell you I knew a place where we could get food."
Lily bit her lower lip, contemplating whether she was willing to risk spending more time James Potter in exchange for food, but the rumbling in her stomach answered the question for her. "Alright, let's go."
James looked at her like an overeager puppy, or she supposed, an overeager deer. "Really?"
"Let's go before I change my mind."
"Now that's the attitude I love." James opened up the blank parchment and Lily curiously peeked forward. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."
"Excuse me?" Lily asked.
"I'm talking to the paper," James replied. Soon enough, lines started forming on the pages and Lily watched in fascination as a map of Hogwarts came into full view.
"That's amazing." She couldn't keep her eyes of the page. "You can even see the people."
"It's great when you're trying to avoid prefects." James grinned at her cheekily. "Speaking of, Amos Diggory is headed this way now. Let's go before we get caught."
The two of them raced down the hall and into one of the crevices of the castle. James examined the map again to make sure the coast was clear. Lily studied the map again. "How do you know so many secret passages?" she asked curiously.
"My mum and dad told me before I left for my first year and they learned it from their parents and them from their parents and on and on. So Remus, Sirius, Peter, and I decided to make a map of all the passages that we can pass down to our kids instead of just telling them. Plus, we found a few more of our own when we would go on adventures."
"This is some advanced magic." Lily could hardly believe that four kids had done something like this. "Hold on," she realized, "the Room of Requirement isn't on it."
James nodded as he closed the map and began walking towards their destination. "Yeah, it had some powerful cloaking spells on it making it unplottable. Every time we added it, we would blink and it would disappear."
"Hmm. I suppose your kids would have to find that place all on their own." Lily looked at him and grinned.
"Can't spoil them with all the answers now, can we?" James's eyes twinkled. "We have to let them go out on their own adventures once in a while."
"Of course. How else do we build up their character if we don't let them get at least one detention every week?" she said sarcastically.
"I'm glad you and I are on the same track of how we're gonna raise our kid," he joked off-handedly as he checked the map one last time before making a turn.
"Hilarious."
"And we're here," James announced proudly as he stood in front of a portrait of fruits.
"As hungry as I am, I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat a painting."
"We can eat anything we want where we're going," James said as he tickled the pear in the picture.
The painting opened up and Lily was amazed to see a magnificent kitchen inside. "So this is where all the food comes from."
"It has to come from somewhere."
"I just never imagined… wow. It's so clean and there are so many pots and pans."
"That's what you focus on?" James couldn't help but smile at Lily's child-like wonder.
"You're right." Lily turned to face him. "So where's the food?"
At that moment, about half a dozen house elves came barreling towards them, ready to feed them whatever their hearts desired. Having never met a house elf before, Lily was quite shocked. "You…you all make the food?" she asked curiously.
"Of course!" One house elf squeaked. "Whatever you want."
"You work here? Where do you live?" Lily had never seen them at Hogwarts.
"We serve the castle, ma'am," the house elf answered.
"Serve?" Lily questioned. "Like servants? Do you get paid?"
"Paid?" Another house elf asked. There was some chattering amongst the elves as they looked at each other in confusion.
"Evans…" James trailed off, trying to find the right words to say. "They like working."
"Like working? For free?" Lily's voice seemed to get higher and higher. "Who likes working for free? This isn't right!"
"That's just how it's been."
Lily looked at him appalled. "Do you have house elves?"
James looked at her skittishly. "Well… you see…"
"Oh merlin, you do!"
"We treat them well. They're not abused or anything," James retorted in defense of his family's actions.
"People abuse their house elves?" Lily screeched.
At this moment, the house elves quietly skittered back, away from the red-haired witch. James looked at them sympathetically. "It's getting late. You all can go to bed," he addressed the elves. "We can take care of the food and clean-up. Thank you."
The house-elves protested a little, insisting that they help and cook, but at Lily's incessant glare (towards James, of course), they conceded and went to their beds.
James pinched his nose and closed his eyes. "Look, Evans. If house elves wanted to be free, they would ask and we'd give them a piece of clothing and they can go. My family doesn't enslave house elves and work them to the bone. It's their choice to work for us and I'm pretty sure you can say the same thing about Hogwarts. You really think Dumbledore would keep these house elves here if they didn't want to work here?"
Lily pouted her lips as she thought about it. "It still doesn't seem fair that they don't get paid or anything. I would never want to own anyone that can think and speak just like us. It just doesn't seem right."
"Okay." James relented. "So we'll make our own food." He began rummaging through the cupboards looking for something to snack on.
"I meant in general. Like in life."
"Alright, we'll never own a house elf. We'll do everything on our own."
Lily ignored the fact that he said 'we' like they would be sharing a home and said, "Like washing dishes and doing the laundry and—"
"Ugh, sounds so tedious." James crinkled his nose in disgust.
"I can't believe you've never washed dishes." Lily leaned against the counter. "You are so spoiled."
"Like old milk, baby." James winked.
"Okay." she laughed. "That is not something to wink over and be proud of. You're so creepy."
"I think you mean to say 'crepe-y.'" James punned. An idea struck him "Wanna make crepes?"
"Nah." Lily pursed her lips. "I'm not in the mood for crepes tonight."
James gasped dramatically. "Not in the mood for crepes? You're such a weird-dough!"
"Are you just gonna keep insulting me? What am I dough-ing here again?"
"I donut know."
"Nice," Lily complimented his off-the-cuff pun.
"We all know my puns are superior." James puffed out his chest.
"You're puns may be good, but my cooking is exceptional and far superior than anything you have to offer. You ain't got muffin on me," Lily countered.
"Oh, really?"
"You bread-ter believe it," Lily sang.
"Oo, that was good, I have to admit… I almost cracker-ed up on that one. But my cooking skills are not to be challenged. My cooking skills are egg-cellent."
"I'm sorry, what cooking skill? Don't the house elves do it for you?" Lily raised her eyebrow.
"My mom loves cooking so she does it as much as she can." James cleared his throat and fidgeted a little, before shaking his head and continuing, "But, uh, before Hogwarts, I was a pretty lonely kid who hung out with house elves most of the time so… you could say I learned some pretty neat tricks over the years. I'll have you know, I have never burned my house down."
"Again, that just doesn't sound like something you should be proud of. It just kinda sounds sad."
"You're sad." James stuck his tongue out. "Fine, if you think your cooking is better than mine, let's put it to the test," he challenged.
"Alright," Lily agreed. "You cook a dish and I cook a dish and we see who the cooking champion is. Deal?"
"Deal." James stuck out his hand and shook it with Lily's. "Should we seal it with a kiss?"
"In your dreams, Potter." She walked past him to one side of the kitchen, looking for ingredients for her recipe.
"Pretty please with a cherry on top?"
"Nope."
"Can we at least taco about it?"
"Okay we can talk about it." Lily paused for a second. "Nope."
"You didn't say no to kissing me last year."
Lily paused in her searching. "I thought we agreed to never talk about that ever again."
"I kept my end of the deal… even though it was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Remus, Peter, even Sirius doesn't know about our kiss, but there is no one here except us, so why can't we talk about it?"
Lily ignored him and continued measuring out her ingredients. Following her example, James went to his side of the kitchen and took out his own ingredients to make his dish.
"You can't ignore me forever, Evans. Just talk to me. Why can't we talk about the kiss? I just want to taaaaalk," James sang.
"Because it's embarrassing!" Lily slammed a bag of flour on the counter causing a giant puff to fly into the air. "It's embarrassing and I just want to forget it ever happened."
"It was embarrassing to kiss me?" James asked. His voice sounded timid and almost hurt.
Lily sighed, turning away from him and staring at the stove. "It was embarrassing because you won and I let you win."
"Won what?"
"I was your plaything in a game and when you kissed me, all the fight I had put up against the game… it just… I just..." Lily cleared her throat. "Can we— Can we just make our dishes? I still haven't had dinner yet, you know."
James nodded, still confused by Lily's words. "Yeah, sure."
They worked in silence for about a half an hour. The only sounds were the sizzling of the stove top and the chopping of a cutting board.
Lily decided to go for classic chocolate chip cookies. They were easy to make and a delicious snack to much on (even before sticking it in the oven to bake).
As she stuck her batch in the oven, Lily smirked to herself. Potter was definitely going to eat his words today. All pun intended.
As she pulled the fresh-baked, warm circles of heaven on earth out of the heat, Lily couldn't help but admire her work. While she plated her masterpiece, she glanced at James to see how he was doing in the competition.
Lily quietly crept behind him and peeked over his shoulder to watch him at work. His glasses were fogged up in the heat of the stovetop and his arm stirred the pot vigorously as he glared at the pan; things were not looking good for James Potter.
"What are you making?" she asked, close by his ear.
James jumped at the sound of her voice so close and as his arm jerked, the spoon he used to mix the concoction sent ingredients splashing in every direction. "Merlin, women! Don't sneak up on me like that!"
"Sneak up on you?" Lily giggled at his dramatic reaction. "I just wanted to know what you were making. I'm done with mine."
She held out her plate of cookies and allowed James to take one. She watched as he took a large bite out of the dessert and chewed. He frowned. "Damn, it actually tastes good. I was hoping yours would turn out as badly as mine did."
"Now that's the sound of good sportsmanship. Alright, I want to try yours now." Lily grabbed a tasting spoon from one of the drawers and tried to grab a spoonful of whatever liquid mush James was brewing up.
"Ehm," James said squeamishly. "I think it's better if you don't. Let's just say you win. The whole thing is taking too long to make."
"Oh come on now," Lily whined. "At least let me try some of it. Is it supposed to be so… watery?"
"Nope."
"Please can I try it?" Lily asked, batting her eyelashes.
"Nope."
"Please?"
"Nuh-uh."
"Pleeeease?"
"Evans, you're baking me crazy!" James exclaimed in exasperation. "This is for your own good!"
"It's not gonna kill me, Potter! Is it somewhat digestible?"
James took a ladle full of his food and watched as it dripped out in a rather slimy fashion. "I suppose if you had low standards."
"Well, I am spending the night in an underground kitchen with James Potter, so I suppose my standards aren't very much higher than below Troll." Lily grinned cheekily.
"Spending the night with me is at least an Exceeds Expectations," James protested. At Lily's look he lowered the grade. "Alright, Acceptable?"
"Well…"
"I am at least an Acceptable!" James said firmly. "I refuse to go any lower."
"James Potter, I am actually having fun tonight, so you have definitely Exceeded my Expectations. Congratulations, you passed your OWLs."
She rolled her eyes as James fist-pumped into the air and rejoiced at the news that Lily enjoyed spending time with him. While he was distracted, Lily took a spoonful of the mixture James made and had a taste.
The flavor was strange at first. James definitely did not know the measurements of his recipe and threw everything together all haphazardly, but the taste was still there. It was…
"Treacle tart," James said, running a hand through his hair restlessly. "Your—"
"My favorite." Lily could feel the sticky taste of the dessert on her lips. As she licked the bottom of her lips nervously, James couldn't help follow the movement and watch as her tongue flicked the golden brew. "With a hint of ginger."
"Just the way you like it." James averted his gaze and tried not to think of her lips…or kissing…or kissing her lips.
Lily put the spoon down next to the pot and leaned her palms on the edge of the counter as she leaned back and forth. He remembered.
The two of them stood there in awkward silence.
James was the first to break the lull. "What you said when I asked why you didn't want to talk about our kiss last year." He shuffled his feet, trying to look anywhere but at Lily. "I don't see you as a plaything, Lily. I don't see you as a prize at the end of a game. I swear, I'm not playing a game with you."
Lily looked at him hesitantly, her fingers pulling and adjusting at her clothes, just so she had something to do. "James…"
"When I ask you out— every time I ask you out, I mean it. I mean it with my whole heart and it hurts… it breaks my heart every time you say no and I genuinely like you, Evans. Sometimes…" James softly laughed to himself. "Most times, I'm sure I love you."
"You don't, Potter."
James head snapped up to lock in with hers.
She shook her head. "You don't love me. We're just kids. We're not supposed to know what love is."
"We are kids and maybe we don't understand love fully, but with whatever I do understand, I know I completely love you, Lily Evans."
"You love how I look and you think I'm attractive to you and-and-and when you— ehm, if you ever date me, you'll get bored of me and leave me and find the next girl who wouldn't fall for the charm of the great Marauder, James Potter. You like that I'm hard to get."
"I do love how you look, Evans," James agreed.
Heart beating faster, she looked at him calculatingly and crossed her hands over her chest. James, however, was not finished. "But I also love your passion. I love how you care for other people. I love how you aren't afraid to stand up for what you believe in. I love how you dot your 'I's'. I love how you crinkle your nose when you're confused. I love how you always find time to sit under a tree and read. I love how you love."
Lily was struck speechless.
"So yes, Lily Evans," James announced. "You are a beautiful sight to behold and you sure as hell are hard to get, but it's not just a game to me. And I know eventually you'll see that. But until then, I just have to do whatever I can to win you over. And I will."
Lily opened her mouth to say something. To say anything. But she couldn't find the words. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know how it was possible for a fourteen year old boy to be so open about his feelings. She definitely did not feel as strongly as James did about her. She doubted she felt this strong about anything in her life ever.
James loved.
He loved strongly. He loved powerfully.
Lily wished she could do the same.
Before she could say anything, to both their surprises, the oven next to them suddenly burst into flames.
James and Lily jumped back in shock, watching as the flames grew higher and higher.
Not knowing what else to do, James quickly removed his shirt and started beating at the flames hoping to put it out. Lily shook her head, finally coming to her senses and ran to the other side of the kitchen where her wand was. Grabbing the magical stick as fast as she could, Lily raced back and did and yelled, "Aguamenti!" allowing water to smother the fire out.
The flames were gone as fast as they had appeared.
Stepping away from the oven, James panted rapidly as he shook the water out of his ear (he was a little wet from Lily's water charm accidentally dousing him as well).
"So," Lily said, slightly out of breath, herself. "You said you've never burned your house down, huh?"
"Okay," James relented while he examined the burnt and smoky remains of his shirt. "I may have burned some parts of my house accidentally, one or two times. But in my defense, this is the first time I've ever used this fire machine."
"An oven?" Lily asked. She realized that James grew up in a family that probably used magic to heat up their food like normal wizards.
Using the shirt as an oven mitt, James reached into the oven and pulled out the black, burnt remnant of what was once the pie crust for the treacle tart. "I forgot that was in there," he muttered mostly to himself. "I thought it would be easy enough to use, since muggles do it all the time. Didn't realize it would blow up in my face."
He was hoping to impress her with his knowledge of muggle culture, but that, too, blew up in his face.
He took the inedible crust and threw it in the garbage along with his now unwearable shirt. When he turned back to look at her sheepishly ready to apologize, he noticed Lily had an unreadable expression on her face. A mix of shock and something he couldn't quite place.
"What is it?" he asked, almost tempted to cross his hands over his chest, by the way Lily was staring at him.
Without thinking, Lily walked forward and placed her hands on James's chest. He looked at her in complete bewilderment. He had no idea what she was doing or what she was thinking, until her hands started moving. Her fingers began to trace the lines of his chest, falling on the three ragged reddish-pink lines that stretched across his abdomen.
"Sirius told me he gave you a healing potion the morning after and that the rest of the scar healed up," she muttered, her fingers slowly dragging across his chest.
"Most of it did, but since I didn't take it right after I got the scratch, a little bit of it stayed. Hey, at least it serves as a reminder to never… uhm…" James trailed off, forgetting which lie he told Lily about how he got the scratch.
"Fall on a pole playing Quidditch," Lily reminded him.
James uncomfortably scratched the back of his head. "Right."
"I'm sorry I didn't know the best way to treat you." Lily frowned as she felt the bump of the ugly mark left by the night of the full moon. "I wish you didn't have the scar."
James caught Lily's hand on his chest and wrapped his bigger ones around hers, stilling her motion. "It's not your fault, Evans. You did the best you could and it probably would have been much worse if you hadn't bandaged me up."
"I know how to treat you now," Lily said earnestly as she looked up at him, their hands still clasped together. "After your mishap, I read every magical book I could on healing and magical maladies. I think that was what inspired me to want to become a healer, like my mom, except she was a muggle nurse so not really, but you get the point."
"Maybe I should get hurt more often if it inspires such great epiphanies in you," James playfully quipped.
Lily smiled and shook her head. "Don't even think about it, James Potter. I don't think you realized how stressed you made me when I saw you all bloody and wounded like that!"
"You sure didn't seem stressed. You looked like you had everything under control."
"I probably seemed like that because you were in so much pain and you couldn't think straight."
"Or you just have the makings of a great healer," James countered.
They paused for a split second and looked at each other. "Probably both," they said at the same time and burst out laughing.
The two of them stayed up late into the night, eating Lily's batch of cookies and sharing stories of their different cooking disasters. Each story got crazier and crazier, as both Lily and James tried to top the others' story with a wilder one of their own. They made each other laugh until tears ran down their faces. Lily could honestly say it was one of the best nights of her life.
She went to bed in the early morning while the sun was just starting to rise. She rarely stayed up to such an hour, but whenever James was around, it felt like time flew by and she didn't even notice.
When she woke up, it was the middle of the day and she knew she had a job to do. Remembering Sirius's favor, Lily got out of bed, brushed her teeth, and prepared for the day and her talk with a certain Slytherin.
She couldn't help but tap her fingers rapidly against the fabric of her clothes as she walked through the halls of the castle. Her nervousness confused her. She was friends with Severus. Sure they hadn't spoken in a while, but friends stayed friends forever. She didn't understand why she was feeling so nauseous and uncertain.
She used to feel like she knew Severus inside and out, but now, she had no idea who he was or where he stood.
Entering the empty Potions classroom, Lily was met with the familiar site of Severus experimenting on his new techniques in the Potions field, jotting down some notes in his book every minute or so.
Lily knocked lightly on the door-frame letting the dark-haired boy know she was near. Severus looked up at the sound, surprised to see his best friend there.
"Lily," Severus hesitated for a second. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to see my best friend." Lily grinned as she took a seat across from him and his cauldron, but she couldn't help the haunting feeling that her smile wasn't genuine… that she was putting on a show.
"It's been a while," Severus observed quietly. "I thought you didn't want to… I thought we…"
"I miss you, Sev," Lily confessed, and she meant what she said with her whole heart.
Severus nodded. "I miss you too."
"So, um, I've been hearing things," she began cautiously, not really knowing the right way to ease him into the conversation.
His face darkened immediately. "What? From Potter and Black?"
"I've heard that you've been recruited to join Voldemort's army." Lily paused at Severus's flinch. "Everyone says there is a war brewing and that people in our year have been joining. Is that true?"
Severus looked at her, swallowing nervously, and Lily knew immediately it was.
It may have been a while, but Lily could read Severus like a book. She knew when he was hiding something, which, before they joined Hogwarts, was very rare. Now it felt like he always had something to hide from her.
"I don't think I'm going to join," Severus uttered slowly, enunciating each word.
Lily raised her eyebrows. "You think?"
"I won't, Lily. I won't," he confirmed determinedly, his eyes falling downwards as he absentmindedly began doodling on the edge of his textbook.
"What about Regulus Black?" Lily asked.
Severus's eyes shot up to meet hers and he crinkled his eyebrows in confusion. "What about him?"
"I know he's younger than us, but he is a pure blood and probably more important to Voldemort," Lily theorized. "Has he been recruited as well?"
Severus let out a disbelieving huff of breath as he heard his best friend interrogate him for information about one of his worst enemy's brother. "I can't believe this."
"What?" Lily questioned.
"When you came to me, I thought we were going to… I don't know… be friends again."
"We are friends, Severus."
"You know what I mean. Friends like the way we used to be."
"It can't be the way it used to be and you know it. Not when you come and hang out with me for one second and turn around the next to be with a group that calls me 'mudblood' behind my back and to my face."
Severus didn't deny that his group of Slytherin friends was not the most ideal. "I would never call you that though."
"You don't stop them either."
"I have to survive. I have three more years with them and I live in close quarters to them. I have to be around them. I don't have a choice."
"You do have a choice, Sev. You just have to make the right one."
"The right one will get me killed," Severus snarled.
"So what?" Lily glared right back at him. "Are you going to join his army then? Are you going to kill the muggleborns like Voldemort envisioned? Are you going to kill me?"
Severus immediately recoiled at her words. "I would never."
When Lily saw the hurt and shock in his eyes, she cooled down. "I know you wouldn't. I'm sorry."
Severus looked at her sadly. "I'm sorry too."
"Regulus, he has a choice too and Sirius is scared he won't make the right decision. Has he been recruited already?"
Severus shook his head. "I don't know." He looked deep in thought as he turned his gaze on her. "He most likely has with fanatic parents like the Blacks."
"I know this is a big ask, but can you… can you talk to him? Let him know that he doesn't have to do this?"
"Lily," Severus said hesitantly so as to not anger her again. "With a family like his, I don't think he has a choice."
"Sirius had a choice."
"And look where that got him. Kicked out by his family, living with the Potters'."
"He… he is?" Lily was shocked to hear that. She knew that Sirius sometimes spent the summers with the Potters, but she didn't know that he was officially living with them. She couldn't help but once again admire the strength of the friendship built by the Marauders. They truly would do anything for each other... and James was in the center of it all.
Severus studied her reaction strangely, not knowing what to make of it. "Regulus wouldn't have anyone like that, like Potter, to turn to. If he refused the Dark Lord's wishes, he would be kicked to the streets or worse, and probably more likely, he would be killed, whether it be by the Dark Lord, himself, or even his parents."
"Sirius would help him," Lily stated confidently. "I know he would. They may fight and have their differences, but in the end, they are brothers and brothers look out for one another." Lily looked at Severus imploringly. "Sirius still cares for his little brother. Will you tell him that? Will you let him know that he doesn't have to be like the others?"
There was a few seconds of silence before Severus finally admitted, "He's a good kid. Regulus." Severus chuckled, mostly to himself. "Wouldn't even hurt a house elf."
"So you'll talk to him?" Lily asked gently, reaching out to hold her best friend's hand.
He hesitated for a second before nodding, his hand relaxing in hers. "For you."
Lily smiled softly. "I love you, Sev."
She didn't understand why Severus looked like she had just stabbed him in the heart. Why there was such a weight behind his eyes. "I love you too, Lily."
Dear Journal,
I don't think I understand love. Is there something wrong with me?
The way James feels love is… powerful. I don't think I've ever felt like that about anything.
I've told people I loved them, don't get me wrong. I've told my parents I loved them because they're my family. I've told Sev I loved him because he's my best friend. But the way James described it… his love could overcome anything. I wish I had that power. I wish I could love freely like that. I just don't know if that's possible for me. I feel like a heartless monster for saying that.
I always thought it was just a game to him. Like it was a game of tag. James chased after me and my affections and I ran away from it. But every year, I am scared that I'm getting closer and closer to being caught. James would catch up to me and say, "Tag, you're it" and suddenly, he's lost all interest and I become the lonely girl going after the unattainable Potter, the king of the school.
What if I'm not letting myself feel anything so I don't have to worry about that future? What if I'm protecting myself from heartbreak?
Sure, it's not a game to him now, but what if he gets sick of me? What if he realizes there really is nothing to love about Lily Evans and that the thrill of the chase was what he was after?
If he catches me, then I would become "it." Being "it" meant doing the work and bearing the rejection. I don't think my heart could take it.
But what if it's too late? What if he's already caught me? And now I have all these weird… feelings…
No, I can't think like that.
Fine. So maybe it's not a game to James.
—4—.—I-t-'-s—j-u-s-t—a—g-a-m-e—t-o—h-i-m—
The thing is, I have soooo many other reasons why James can't be my boyfriend. I mean, for one, his hair is craaaazy and his face is… ugh…
And, and and…and Severus! He's a bully and he's mean to Severus. That is why James and I can never happen.
Suck it, love! Not that I love James or hate love or anything. You know what, it's getting late and I'm kinda just babbling now so I think I'm just gonna stop writing now.
Love (but not too much)…or better yet…
Like,
Lily Evans
She wanted a love that could save the world. She was just too scared to reach for it.
Author's Note: Little did she know, her love would soon save the whole Wizarding world.
Thank you so much for the reviews. I even got a review on one of my other fics that told me to update this one lol! That made my day!
I know some of you might not like Snape and don't understand why Lily still wants to be friends with him, but it is hard to lose a friend, even if they have done horrible things. This will be explored more in the next chapter seeing as the next reason is all about Snape. Also, I know Lily's first and second reasons are about his looks, but this was written by a first year and she is trying to convince herself that she doesn't like James like that even though we (and Lily) all know that James is a cutie-pie. Obviously, James and Lily are endgame so don't worry!
I hope you guys liked this chapter!