I've decided to split this chapter up into two so that I can finally give you guys an update! I know it's not like me to move this slow and I apologize for the time it's taken me to get it finished. I've been incredibly busy with summer ending and getting everything set up for my school year job!
Thanks a ton for all my readers and reviewers! You guys are awesome and I never in a million years thought that I would write this much of a story that people actually want to read! I love being able to introduce others to my love of these two boys!
I stood silently in the shower, letting the water run down my hair and body and letting the thin layer of steam fill the room. My head was pounding and my stomach was still in knots from the night before, causing me to wonder if I would even be able to eat anything without being sick.
I didn't want Wyatt to see my regret… to sense the shame I felt in remembering the details of our night together. It would be easy to hide the fact that I had pierced my navel in my less than sober state, but the fact that everyone had come back and listened outside the door until we had finished made it nearly impossible to deny what we had been doing together.
What he had been doing to me…
As ashamed as I felt, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Every movement that he made had left me squirming in his grasp and begging for more.
Was I ever going to be able to succeed in making him feel as good as he made me feel? What was our next step as a couple supposed to be now? He knew that I wanted to have sex, but based on our conversation the other night there was no way he would think I was ready. Besides, I wasn't… I didn't have much experience in that department outside of some light exploring we had done and I didn't really have anyone who I could ask.
I wanted to know, though…
Was it going to hurt? Would I like it?
A gentle pulsing made it's way into my crotch as I thought about it, a both positive and negative aspect regarding my current train of unclean thoughts I couldn't seem to get away from.
In other words: I had turned myself on.
Shamefully, I thought about the silicone sex toy I had been given at the porn shop, aware that there were other things I could use it for besides just practicing my oral sex skills.
Of course, I would need to decide on one or the other, seeing that if I used it for anything else there was absolutely no way I was going to try putting it in my mouth.
Turning off the water, I grabbed a towel off the rack and made an attempt to relax my mind, hoping I could get rid of my unwanted boner before going back into the common area of our hotel room.
Patting my body down while silently staring at myself in the mirror and wishing the Japanese side of my genes had made enough room to give me a more adequate amount of body hair (I had pubic hair, but not much else) I took a brush to my bangs and changed clothes, deciding on keeping it simple today with a loose fitting tank top and cargo shorts before opening the bathroom door, towel now draped over my hair.
"Hey." Wyatt said, smiling sadly at me before handing me a whipped cream filled cup that matched the one he was drinking from. "I got Starbucks."
"I don't really drink coffee." I responded, regretting saying so the moment the words left my lips. He had gone out of his way to do something nice for me, the least I could do was appreciate the effort and say thank you.
"I've seen the amount of sugar you put in tea, you'll like this."
Bringing the straw to my lips I sipped at the mix of coffee and flavored syrups, taken slightly aback by the fact that I actually really liked it, not that I would say it tasted much like coffee.
Touching a pointed finger to his own cup, he scooped up a dollop of whipped cream and touched it to my nose, smiling sweetly before bringing his face to mine and licking it off before nuzzling his head to my shoulder.
"Where are we going today, again?" I asked, rubbing a bit of extra sleep from my eyes and letting out a small yawn. "I wanna take a nap when we get back..."
Avery had come up behind Wyatt, grabbing one of the coffees from the tray he had set on the bedside table.
"We didn't come on this field trip for you to take a nap." He said with a roll of the eyes. "We're meeting up with our class at the temples today for the history tour and then we had talked about going to the hot springs."
I cringed slightly at the idea.
"Can I pass on the hot springs?" I asked. "I overheat easily."
"You can do what you want." He shrugged. "Just don't expect the rest of us to do it with you."
Clearly Avery was also feeling the negative side effects of our mild drug bender last night, a tad snippier than he normally was when I spoke to him.
Wyatt touched a hand to my shoulder.
"I can stay behind with you." He said. "I don't mind, I went to the hot springs last year, it wasn't anything special."
"You just wanna give Kai another blow job." Avery snorted, rolling his eyes in an obvious fashion.
My face flushed at the mention of it. I didn't want what had happened last night to be a part of this weekends conversations.
"Avery, fuck off. You've never even gotten a hand job." Wyatt shot back at him.
"Have so."
"Your mom needing to wash your junk when you were a baby doesn't count."
Deciding to step in before their normally playful banter crossed the line, I took Wyatt by the arm and pulled him onto the patio, pulling out my pack of cigarettes and handing him one.
"Take a break." I scolded gently before lighting my own.
"He's being an asshole."
"He's Avery, he's always an asshole."
Filling my lungs with nicotine, I held the smoke for a few seconds before blowing it out my nose, appreciating the calming sensation that smoking had come to give me.
To be honest, I didn't want to quit. I enjoyed it too much.
"I'm sorry." Wyatt sighed. "I'm still not really feeling myself."
"I'm not either." I wanted to do something that would make him feel better, going over non-sexual scenarios in my head with our limited time and finances. "I missed your birthday last month." I reminded him. "Let me take you out."
He perked up instantly.
"You mean like on a date?"
I nodded.
"A proper one. We can go somewhere nice."
He was blushing now, something that was less common to see on him than it was on me.
"I would love that." He said shyly, putting out his cigarette and taking hold of the hand that I wasn't using for mine. "I've never actually been on a date before."
"You haven't?" He had caught me by surprise with his words, unable to help but assume he was experienced in all aspects of relationships and not just sex.
"You don't need to act to surprised." He giggled, nudging me playfully. "I don't have your natural good looks."
"I've never been on one either." I stated, figuring that should be obvious. "And you're plenty good looking; you're cute."
"Puppies are cute, you're hot."
"You have a nice body, you have hair at least."
I looked down at my feet when I spoke, hoping to cover my face with my bangs before remembering I still had a towel hanging off of my head.
"You have body hair." He said, raising a confused eyebrow.
"I look like I shave my legs."
"If you had hairy legs, you would shave then."
He made a valid point, there wasn't much point in wishing for hair that I would shave off if I had the opportunity, but it didn't stop my insecurity.
"Can you grow facial hair yet?" I asked.
"No even a little." He patted a hand to his smooth cheek. "Smooth as a babies bottom."
I smiled, letting out a slight chuckle that I tried to hide.
"I can't either, but I always just assumed it was because I'm half Japanese."
"I think it's just because you're a teenager." He laughed. "Since when are you insecure about body hair?"
I thought back on some of the things that happened last night, mostly regarding the way that people who didn't know me had spoken to me. I wasn't sure Wyatt had even noticed.
"I kept being mistaken for a girl yesterday..." I admitted. "Do you think I dress too feminine?"
"You have a unique style." He admitted, not giving me what I would call a straight answer. "Do you get a lot of your clothes from the women's section?"
"I wouldn't say a lot." I shrugged. "I'm slender, though. Men's clothes are baggy on me."
"You've gained some weight in the past month, your muscles are more defined."
"I'm still too skinny."
The truth was, I would be self conscious no matter what. I didn't like what I saw when I looked in the mirror and I wasn't exactly sure why. Recently I had found myself wishing I had inherited my mothers lilac hair, not always enjoying how much I stood out in a crowd.
Finishing my cigarette, I walked back inside the hotel room, taking a minute to finish patting my head at least somewhat dry before deciding on pulling my bangs back and into a small bun.
"You look cute." Wyatt smirked when I walked back out.
"I look stupid."
My hair wasn't long enough to fully pull back, meaning that I had strays that hung out in different directions, causing it to look like I hadn't even bothered to brush my hair at all.
"I think the molly is giving you an identity crisis."
"I think an identity crisis is giving me an identity crisis." I pouted.
Slipping my shoes on, I grabbed the cup of iced coffee and walked out the door with everyone, sipping at it while pretending it wasn't one of the greatest things I had ever drank.
Xxx
My feet were sore when we made it back to the hotel, leaving the classmates we didn't care about behind and finally able to have the remainder of the day to ourselves.
Avery, Emile and Henri had gone down to the hot springs and I didn't know or care what Dmitri's current plan was. Wyatt and I planned on going off on our own so if he wanted to just have the room to himself right now might be his only chance.
Standing in front of the full length mirror that hung to the bathroom door, I made a poor attempt to fix my mangled mess of hair, hoping that I could do so without needing to take another shower. I tried pulling it back tightly but no matter what angles I used it was impossible to get every strand into the same hair tie, meaning I eventually had to settle on pulling part of my bangs back and leaving the others be, causing a small mess of baby hairs to fall back and over my forehead.
I had also realized that the only formal looking clothing I had brought with me was intended for school purposes, meaning that I was forced to wear a long sleeved button up with a sweater vest, causing me to look even more like a tool than I already did, (even when I pushed the sleeves up as far as they would go) and since I hadn't brought a tie with me my entire ensemble looked incomplete.
In other words, I looked like a huge dork.
"Are you almost done changing?" Wyatt called from the other end of the door, startling me.
I sighed.
"Yeah..." I let out, opening the door while silently hating that I had chosen to go all day without being able to hide my face behind bangs.
He was staring at me while I exited the bathroom, blushing slightly under a shy smirk.
"You look really nice." He said quietly.
"I look like an idiot."
Wyatt had dressed more casual than I did, wearing a green short sleeved shirt, the two small buttons on the neck line left open and exposing the tiniest amount of his chest.
"I'm sorry I'm under dressed." He shrugged. "I didn't really plan on doing anything fancy."
"You look great." I interrupted.
He always looked great.
Approaching me, he pulled me in for a hug, kissing me lightly on the cheek.
"Are you wearing cologne?" He asked when he pulled back, causing me to blush uncontrollably.
"I just wanted to do something a little different today." I shrugged. "I don't really know how to take someone on a date."
The truth was that I was about as out of my realm as possible… I wasn't good at being romantic and everything about going on a date with him made me incredibly uncomfortable. Was I too dressed up? Did I stand out too much?
Moving to my side, Wyatt took me by the arm, walking with me out of the room with out elbows interlocked.
I couldn't help but notice that he kept staring at me, eventually asking him if there was a reason for it. Did I have something stuck in my teeth?
"I've just never seen you put this much effort into being romantic." He smirked, leaning into my shoulder as we made our way through the hotel and out the door. The sun was beginning to set just slightly, meaning we should have about two hours of daylight left.
"Am I trying too hard?" I asked shamefully.
"Not at all. I think the effort is sweet, that's all."
The word effort was what I would call loosely defined in this situation, I hadn't bothered actually finding a restaurant to go to and had no idea where I was even going to start. It was hard to tell from the outside if something was too fancy or not fancy enough.
"Did you guys go out to eat at all last year?" I asked, focusing on the sounds of our footsteps while we walked. "Do you remember any restaurants sticking out at you?"
"There's a food cart around here somewhere that makes great fried rice, we also got corn on a stick there and I think Avery got a fried squid or something… you don't eat meat, right?"
The comment actually caught me by surprise. I hadn't realized that anyone had noticed I tended to avoid animal products, not that I would actually call myself a vegetarian, I didn't expect anyone to make accommodations for me or anything like that.
"I more meant somewhere with seating." I responded.
"We didn't go anywhere fancy or anything like that, so I wouldn't really know. Didn't your dad live right outside Tokyo when you first started seeing him again? You could call him and ask."
I cringed fairly audibly. My father was just about the last person who I wanted to ask for help with anything, let alone for help on a date. I wasn't even sure how he would feel when it came to details about my dating life… for one thing he seemed taken aback that I had a boyfriend; yet on another he seemed to have some sort of hunch regarding my preference for men by the time I was no more than a small child, not to mention the fact that part of his reason for agreeing to send me to The Abbey in the first place was based on a hope that I could be pushed away from that preference.
"I don't really like talking to my dad." I shrugged.
"You don't have to forgive him, but you could at least attempt to see the effort he's been putting in. From some of the stories you've told me you seem to have inherited a lot of his qualities."
"How do you mean?"
"Fear of rejection; avoiding relationships instead of opening up." He paused. "They aren't necessarily bad traits, you can't always hide behind them, though."
"I'm nothing like him."
"At the end of the day, he's still your father. All of the positive memories you have from back when you were a family involve him as well, he's awkward around you from the sounds of it, but he hardly knows you as the person you are now. The child he left behind doesn't exist anymore, you're all grown up, and that's the person he's trying to get to know."
"I don't want to talk about this right now..."
I wasn't going to yell at him or have any sort of outburst, not when I had tried so hard to leave my comfort zone just for him, but this was the absolute last conversation that I wanted to be having.
"Just call him and ask for advice on where to eat. You don't need to meet up with him or make small talk or any of that stuff, just ask a simple question and let him help you with it, then you can hang up."
My mind was stuck on the first thing he had said to me… Did he really think that I was like my dad…?
"I don't know…" I grumbled.
Slipping a hand into my pocket, I pulled my phone out and looked at it as though I had never seen it before.
"Calling him for something is the first step in you two figuring your relationship out." He sighed sadly. "We have no idea how it would end if you were put into foster care… I don't want to lose touch with you…"
"You won't."
"You don't know that. What if they don't send you back here next year? What if you end up in a foster home far away and they want you to attend a public school? I might never see you."
It seemed like his interest in my relationship with my father was based on more than just restaurants; clearly he had been thinking about this for a long time.
"Would you really feel better if I called him?" I asked quietly.
He didn't respond audibly, simply nodding his head while we walked, not looking me in the eye anymore.
Stopping my foot steps, I opened my phone and pulled his contact information up, clicking on it and holding the phone up to my ear.
One ring.
Two rings.
Three rings…
Just as I had begun accepting that he wouldn't take the call, I was greeted by the sound of his voice on the other end.
"Kai?" He asked, clearly recognizing my contact information.
"Yeah, it's me… I…" How was I even supposed to explain this? I had never so much as texted him back let alone called him. "I have a question. Is this a bad time?"
"No, of course not. I can always take time for you… son."
Was it so much to ask that he just call me by my name? He was the one who had given it to me in the first place.
Actually he had mentioned that my mother named me, but still.
"Um… My classmates and I are in the city."
"In Tokyo?"
"Yeah. Shibuya, to be exact."
"Sounds like a good time, are you enjoying yourself?"
"I'm fine, but we're trying to find someplace to eat. Somewhere on the nicer side." I decided to leave out the part where I was on a date, hoping Wyatt would understand that it wasn't really his business. "I wanted to know if you knew anywhere."
He paused for a moment on the other end of the phone, thinking before answering.
"There are lots of noodle shops around, mostly near the stations, otherwise Kitsune has nice dishes but they're known more for their alcohol selection than for their food per say." Another pause set in. "You've been staying away from alcohol, right? I don't think I need to remind you that you aren't old enough to be drinking."
Honestly, my alcohol intake should be the least of his worries.
"Yeah." I lied. "We're just looking for a place to get food, that's all."
"Are you with your friend? The boy you sometimes talk about, I mean."
I cringed slightly at the awkward way he spoke. My father knew that Wyatt was my boyfriend; there was no point in beating around the bush about it.
"I'm with Wyatt, yes…"
"Well," He cleared his throat, "I hope I was able to help at least somewhat."
"Yeah… thanks..."
"Have a good time, malysh."
I hung up, hoping to wipe the awkward conversation from my brain as quickly as possible.
"Well that wasn't awkward at all." I shuttered. "He did accidentally give me the name of a place known for their alcohol though."
The statement seemed to perk Wyatt up immediately.
"No complaints from me there." He giggled. "Do you think you're okay to drink again? You seemed pretty sick last night."
"How about we just agree to no drugs tonight?" I smirked, elbowing him playfully. The truth was, I still didn't feel even close to back to normal from our small bender. I was struggling to keep myself out of my own head and the shame of what we had been caught doing hung over me.
"Deal when it comes to the hard drugs but I'm not putting the bong away." He giggled.
Pressing his chest to mine, he hugged me tightly, causing a natural response of pulling our bodies together to happen. His skin felt warm on mine and caused the all too familiar sensation back into my chest, our hearts beating together in unison.
I had told him I loved him.
I did love him.
"Hopefully this place isn't too hard to find." I stated as soon as we pulled apart, looking around the clusters of brightly lit buildings that mushed together in a fancy and yet clumsy way. I couldn't help but wonder who designed them, they were beautiful and pulled your eyes in immediately.
"What's it called?" He asked.
"Kitsune, he said."
Pulling a city map out of his pocket, he took a moment to scan the area with his eyes, drawing an invisible line with his finger until landing on the correct building.
"Found it." He smiled. "It's not far from here at all."
Folding the map back up, he pocketed it, taking hold of my hand and walking with me eagerly through the city. "Honestly, I feel kind of bad that I gave you a bit of an alcohol dependency." He joked. "You didn't drink or smoke before you came here."
"I didn't do drugs either." I shrugged.
"It's not like we do anything hardcore. Not usually, at least."
"Your friends called you a pill popper once. They said you had a habit your freshman year."
"My pills are prescribed to me, but Japanese isn't my first language and staying at a Japanese school takes getting accustomed to, you must have at least some idea of what I mean." He smirked playfully at me while we continued walking.
"You take pills?"
"Adderall, but I'm supposed to. I abused a bit my freshman year but I've always been a straight A student, I had a hard time handling myself last year."
"When you were dating Haru?"
"Kai, I told you I don't want to talk about that."
I paused, deciding carefully on my next words. I was treading on territory he had made it clear wasn't my business and he wasn't wrong in telling me so.
"Has he always treated you that way?" I asked. "I know he's gotten physical with you before… did he hurt you?"
He didn't answer, making it clear that the conversation was making him uncomfortable. We were supposed to be having a good time together.
Squeezing his hand tightly, I allowed the silence to overtake our conversation, walking until we hit the correct building.
"I think this is it." I chimed in, opening the large and heavy door before walking in. The interior was incredibly over crowded, leaving us nowhere to sit down and wait. Instead we had to stand within the cluster of other guests until greeted by a worker who asked our names and how many of us there would be.
"It's only the two of us." I told her, causing her to type something on the oversize computer that sat in front of her.
"There's gonna be about an hour and a half wait." She stated.
Rolling my eyes, I looked over at Wyatt and shrugged. We could handle a wait if there was anywhere around us where we could sit, but currently we were shoulder to shoulder with who knew how many other people, even the bar was completely filled up.
"What do you think?" I asked. "My dad said that there are some noodle shops nearby as well."
He gave a deep sigh while he thought, the wheels in his head turning while figuring out what we were supposed to do now. Honestly, I should have known better than to come here without any sort of reservation. I was such a fucking ditz…
"Honestly?" Wyatt said after a moment. "I really just wanna go back to the food cart from last year."
"Aren't we a little dressed up for that?"
He shrugged.
"Does it matter?"
Thinking it over for a moment, I smiled slightly and sighed. To be completely honest we had done stranger things together.
"I guess not." I said, taking him by the hand and walking out the door once more.
Xxx
The food cart Wyatt had been talking about wasn't hard to find. Actually it was closer to the hotel than any of the other restaurants we had looked at were.
Now grinning from ear to ear, Wyatt excitedly handed money over for a large grill cooked cob of corn, taking one for himself and another for me and then smothering both with a mix of butter and soy sauce before handing one to me.
I had to admit… street food was damn good.
"Hey Prep School boys!" A voice shouted out to us, causing me to remove my teeth from the hot cob of corn and throw my head over both shoulders in an attempt to find where it was coming from.
After only a moment two hands grabbed me by the shoulders from the bench we sat at.
"Tyson…?" I responded with a raise of the eyebrow.
"And Max!" The blond waved from behind him before shoving a large orange lollipop back into his cheek.
"What are you guys doing here?" Tyson asked me. "We had to follow you for a few minutes to figure out if it was really you or not, I've never seen you with your hair pulled back before."
"You've been following us?"
I was still caught off guard by what was happening, looking from the both of them back to Wyatt, who shrugged his shoulders while happily continuing to deep throat the ear of corn.
"You didn't answer my question. What are you two doing here?"
"Field trip," Wyatt answered for me.
"We're here with Max's dad, he has a delivery to make and decided to get a hotel room, Max invited me along."
"He's with Charlotte right now." Max chimed in. "He let us go and grab a bite to eat, though."
"Do you guys have a time you're supposed to be back?" Wyatt asked. "You should come back to the hotel with us and hang out."
That sounded like an absolutely terrible idea…
"I'll have to call my dad and see if she can watch Charlotte for a little bit longer." Max said with a happy shrug.
"Why do you need to ask him to watch her?" Tyson chimed in confused. "She's his kid, she's not your responsibility."
He blushed slightly, ignoring him and grabbing his phone out of his pocket.
"Just give me a minute, it should be fine."
He stepped back for some privacy, causing Tyson to bring his attention back to Wyatt and me.
"We aren't interrupting, are we?" He asked. He seemed to suddenly notice I was overdressed for being at a food stand.
"I mean, kind of."
Wyatt nudged me.
"It's not a big deal at all, we were gonna go out to eat but the restaurant was too crowded. We came here instead; I think the rest of our group is still at the hot springs but they should be back soon."
I had begun wondering to myself if this was my fault for bringing up Haru too much… maybe he was trying to get back at me for making him uncomfortable by making me uncomfortable too.
Just as I began standing up, Max sprinted back over to us, now with more of a spring in his step.
"My dad says it's fine for us to hang out." He smiled. "We just can't stay out too late since we don't know the city very well."
Actually, I probably trusted Max more than anyone else to be able to navigate the area. The town he lived in with his dad was small but he was accustomed to the city life of New York when he was with his mother. Currently Wyatt was outstretching a hand, reintroducing himself from their last encounter.
"We met once before." He said. "I'm Wyatt Smithwright, Kai's friend, we go to school together."
"Where are you from?" Max asked immediately. Wyatt's accent was American, but Max seemed to be able to pinpoint specifics on his location as well.
"I was born in California." He explained, "We've lived in Aspen, Colorado for the past few years, though. My parents are real estate agents and tend to drag us wherever the money is."
He asked Max questions about New York, explaining that he had never been there before and trying to compare it to his city upbringing in California, leaving Tyson and I to follow awkwardly behind him.
Pocketing his hands, Tyson gave me a small smirk.
"Sorry for interrupting your date." He said.
Rolling my eyes for dramatic effect, I ignored him, allowing us to fall back into the silence as we made our way slowly back to the hotel.
Nothing about today had worked out…
Welcome to my damn life.