"Okay, once more from the top. 3… 2… 1…" And the piano began to play. Slow, gentle notes echoed throughout the room. A break came, and the piano began anew, with a renewed pace playing a jaunty tune. It was perfect.
I listened for the notes that came right before my entrance. There was one measure left.
I readied the bow of my violin, took a breath, and played. It was okay, I could do this.
Notes hummed out into the air, as I followed along the sheet music I had read oh so many times today.
I always start out fine. Every note was hit, each movement of my arm was deliberate, and I was able to play out each sound in proper time. I practiced this part so many times, for so many nights, My ears were perked as I focused on the piano. If I didn't, it would leave me behind.
Eventually, I slip up. Maybe I played the note half a measure too high, maybe I was late by a quarter of a second, maybe I held down the string just a centimeter too low. It's a small mistake, nothing I should worry about. I've made these kinds of small mistakes all day and I just needed to play through them.
But… I could hear laughter somewhere. A small snort that should've been impossible to hear with all the music that filled the room.
Can't you see that I'm trying my best!
But that small mistake slowly snowballs into something more and more. I'm late on the next note. I play the note incorrectly. The rest of my music just spirals into further disarray. I try to focus again, but I already lost where I was supposed to be. The next C note sounds too sharp, and I winced. My arms started to ache and my fingers hurt.
But the music reminded me that there was something more urgent. Even after practicing for so long, I couldn't remember the next part.
Desperately, I tried to find where I am on the sheet music, but I was so lost. I listened to the piano and noticed that I had to turn the page four seconds ago.
My hand snapped forward, and I tried moving to the next sheet. However, my hand hit the rest of the other music sheets, and they fluttered all over the floor. I heard another impossible-to-hear snort. There was a pit in my stomach.
The music didn't stop. I kept playing by memory. I sounded awful. I made mistake after mistake after mistake.
The piano was still absolutely perfect.
It made no mistakes. It was like nothing could ever mess it up. Between me and the beautiful tones, I heard a horrible dissonance. That made it so much worse.
I pressed the bow deep into my violin as I continued to play. My mind screamed at me as I worked through the pain in my fingertips and worked to keep myself from crying. It sounds awful, and it's all because of me.
Why wasn't I good enough, why doesn't she stop for me, I hate this, I should've never taken lessons, why doesn't she notice, I'm miserable, I just want to hangout, this isn't fun, I want to cry, it's hard to breathe, my fingers will fall off if I keep playing, why do I have to play…
I desperately tried to keep it all down, to just keep playing, but then…
Something snapped.
The piano stopped.
Mari was saying something, but I didn't want to hear what she had to say. Her words entered my ears nonetheless.
"Sunny, are you okay? You're not hurt, are you?" she said.
Now? You're worried now?! I was about to say something, but I had to open my eyes to face Mari, and I saw what she was actually worried about.
The strings on my violin had split. My violin looked like a broken spider web.
"Do we have any spare strings around the house?"
"No." I lied. I had a set at the bottom of my toy box. "I'll buy some tomorrow at Hobbeez." The hobby store carried music items as well.
"Tomorrow?" Mari's head shot towards the window. "Oh shoot, it's this late already?"
The stars were high in the sky, and the moon towered above them all.
"Yeah, we'll have to stop for today." Mari pushed down the piano key coverings. "School ends early tomorrow, so let's practice when we both get back. Don't worry, we'll get it down before the recital."
I doubt it. I'm just going to keep messing up and keep failing. I don't even want to look at my violin.
And you want to practice as soon as we get home? Well, looks like I won't be running back home tomorrow. It'll probably be a slow crawl, as if I forgot how to walk.
"Oh, you don't have to buy the violin strings, Sunny. I'll go buy them for you." How much does she want to practice?!
"It's fine." No. Mari would head straight home if she bought them, and then there would be nothing to delay her.
I needed an excuse. Something to just delay the practice for ANY reason whatsoever.
"I don't remember the name of the strings I use. I know how they look like though."
"Shoot. I guess you'll have to buy them then." Mari sighed. She picked up my music sheets that had fallen on the ground. She straightened them against a warrant chair and handed them back to me.
I restrained myself as I gently took the pages back. I wanted to tear up the pages in my hands. But all I could do was aggressively fold the corners back and forth.
"Well, I'll leave some money on the kitchen table tomorrow morning, so don't forget it, lil' bro." said Mari as she shook her hands. She told me they were wrist stretches. She was always super punctual about stretching. "I'm going to get something to eat, you want some Sunny?"
I shook my head. The queasy feeling in my stomach wouldn't go away, and I didn't think I could eat anything at all.
"Oh right, good practice Sunny." she said as she walked out the door.
What. What? How was that in any way… WHAT?! That has to be sarcasm, right?! But before I could manage to say anything, Mari walked into the kitchen.
I needed to say something, anything, but I could barely manage a coherent thought anymore. The rest of the night was a blur. I couldn't think. My head was on fire.
I didn't know whether to cry or scream.