Chapter 11

Seriously. How? I have like no frame of reference. I got most of my friends thanks to being Mari's little brother.

I went to the drawing board and fiddled out a notebook from my desk and grabbed a pen.

Well, if I want to do this, I should try to plan something out.

I spent the next day brainstorming ideas. In bed, during school, and on the bus ride home, I kept thinking about what I could change about myself

After lots of erasing, ripped pages, and shaking my pen so the ink came down, I narrowed my options to three sheets out in front of me.

They were labeled each of them plan A to C respectively.

Plan A revolved around changing into someone more like Mari and Hero. They both could fix things, so if I was more like them, I could get everyone back together again. The simplest sounding one, but Mari and Hero were both, to say, higher beings. In all senses of the word really, because despite my fervent prayers, the reality is that I'll never be as tall as Hero.

Plan B was to leave small parcels for Kel and Aubrey to find. They'd have small things inside like candy or toys. Eventually, they'll get curious about who has been leaving them stuff, and then they'll be on the lookout for their mysterious benefactor. One day, they'll catch me doing it and then we'll be a group again.

Though I didn't really know how to do it without being caught. And I need to somehow make sure it's Kel and Aubrey who get the bags instead of some random person or a squirrel.

Plan C involved wearing clothes similar to their new friends. If I looked like them, maybe they'll notice and bring me into their group. I could integrate back and rekindle the friendship.

I had some money lying around that I could use to buy clothes and other accessories, but the main limiting factor of this plan would be my fashion sense. If I do it wrong or try too hard, I'll look just like Mikhael, or as he makes everyone call him, 'the Maverick'.

His guts are impressive, but the second-hand shame I get from watching him fail to pick up any girls at the fountain were already too much for me.

Out of the three, plan A is the most ready.

Heck, I could start right now.

I should start it right now.

So how would I be more like Mari or Hero?

Well, for one, I should start being a bit more organized. I looked around and my room has slowly devolved from respectable to a battlefield of stuffed animals. With Mari not around, there's no one to make me keep my room tidy.

I ran my finger across my bookshelf and looked at my gray finger. The growing layer of dust on everything should probably be dusted.

Maybe there's something in Mari's desk that will help clean up. I'm usually not one to snoop around Mari's stuff, but it's not like she has anything bad to hide nor is she using any of it right now.

Heck, if she was here, she'd definitely let me sift through her desk for cleaning materials.

I pulled open a drawer and shuffled through her desk for a duster or some other cleaning implement. Even though everything was lain out very neatly, it made it a pain to get to all the stuff in the back. I pulled out folder after file until something slid out and fell onto the floor.

Shoot. Hopefully it wasn't stained or crumpled.

The heck is this? By my feet, I found a calendar with red marks littered all over it. And it was dated for, this year? Why would Mari keep a calender in her desk? We have a perfectly good one in the kitchen.

I flipped to the cover of the calender and in a horrific pink glitter-pen, the calender was titled "Days Sunny had a nightmare and I got to hug him to sleep!"

The smiley face plastered to the side stared into my soul.

I flipped through the months and red check-marks were plastered all throughout the calendar.

…

Oh god.

I'm starting to realize that I may be too dependent on Mari.

Looking through the calendar, I've fallen asleep with my older sister far more than what a normal high schooler ever should.

It's not like I didn't know I was too old for it, but… I never knew it was this bad.

If anyone saw this, I think I'd have to kill them. Mari already told them I fall asleep in her bed, but they probably assumed that was back in the past when I was younger! If they knew how long it's been going on…

In my defense, the rate of which it happened lessened as the months passed by! It decreased from thrice every week in January to only once a week by July!

Then I flipped to August and saw red check marks fill almost every box.

Oh. I want to die.

It was due to a mixture of my fear of Mari leaving, and her own insistence that I could fall asleep next to her, that this cursed item was born.

My dark history has been dated and kept in mint condition with red ink.

My brain screamed to burn it and the entire room until the offending piece of paper became a pile of ash.

But if I did that… when Mari gets back, she'll know I did something to it and through that, that I snooped around her stuff.

She'd probably get angry after that.

Not even the wildest bookie will give odds against me and an angry Mari. Maybe they'll give odds if she'll leave bones behind.

I put back the 12 page horror-story back into Mari's desk.

Wait. If she had a calendar for this year…

What about the other years?

I dug through Mari's desk and behind a manila folder, found something that'll replace my nightmares for the foreseeable future.

Stacked neatly upon one another, were three more calendars just like the first.

My already broken spirit just split into a million different pieces.

The only solace is that no one has seen this yet.

Yet.

I desperately wracked my brain for any way to get rid of this without horribly perishing to the wrath of Mari, but I kept coming up blank.

My brain looked for every possible angle and for every possible solution, until I reached an epiphany.

If I can't see them, maybe they'll stop existing!

The whatever-the-hecks I had in my hand went back into Mari's desk.

I saw nothing, touched nothing, and despaired at nothing.

The only thing I'll bring with me is my vague sense of dread.

Well, my first attempt at this was definitely a bust for some absolutely unknown reason.

Would I discover more horrific aspects of my life as I tried to change?

I heard the shuffling of paws across the floorboard and Mewo walked through the door. I picked him up into my arms and pet him as I thought about all my faults and things I had to change to be more like Hero or Mari. I had a lot of them, but at least I didn't have the fault of 'being bad at petting animals'. Mewo purred in agreement.

*Ding-dong*

That's the doorbell. The mailman usually comes around this time. I shelved what I was thinking and let Mewo run off.

The mailman hands me the letters if I got to the door on time, but I guess I was late. I opened the door and no one was there, instead the mailman left a package on the doorstep.

I checked the delivery label, and, it was addressed to me?

What could it be?

I brought the package inside and ripped off the tape covering the cardboard cover.

Surrounded by packing peanuts and bubble wrap was a parcel wrapped in brown paper and a letter.

The handwriting on the letter clued me into the sender. There's only one person I know that curls their u's like that! It's Basil!

I tore open the top of the letter and a crisp parchment fell into my hand.

Dear Sunny,

Hi Sunny! Your last letter was so fun to read! I wish I could be there, but I guess I'll have to settle for your letter.

But on a super great fantastic other note, my grandma is getting better! I talked to the doctor that's been taking care of her, and they say that she's been showing a lot of improvement!

I think my daily visits have really been helping her! Even if all I talk about are flowers and the books I've been reading. And I recently found something new about my day to say to her.

Could you believe this, I managed to make some friends in the last two weeks. They're not as great at listening like you and everyone else in Faraway are, but they read as much as I do! I was super surprised when I found out they read all the same things I do!

And I know you're wondering just what I sent, right? Well, if you haven't opened the package yet, do so now! I bought it as soon as I saw it when I passed by it at a store. I wanted to save it for a Christmas, but I have no idea how long it'll take for the package to get there, so think of it as a early Christmas gift.

I tore through the brown paper like Mewo dug through catnip, and I found the treasure underneath. An untitled book the size of football revealed itself.

Of course Basil got me a book. I flipped it to a random page and strangely enough, it was empty.

The heck? Did they forget to print words onto this book?

I checked the letter to see if Basil knew anything about this.

Well? How is it? Do you like it? It's a photo album for you! I don't really know the next time I could visit Faraway and meet everyone, but when I do, I hope you'll fill out the book for me. When I come over, we can both open each of our books and compare all the different things we've done over the year!

Don't worry if any pictures you take come out bad, it's all about the memories you made while taking it!

And don't have to worry about sending a Christmas present back! I just wanted to give you a gift! Your letters are pretty much presents for me all year around!

All in all, I'm doing well, so you don't have to worry about me. Though I can't wait for your next letter.

From, Basil

P.S. I copied some photos since a photo album without any photos is just too sad. They're packaged in with the photo album! And if you look on the back of each one, there's a surprise!

What the heck, Basil managed to make friends on his own? I mean, good for him, but his growth… surprised me.

Basil managed to change. I felt proud that he did it, but I couldn't help but feel a little jealous.

I checked the wrapping once again and found a stack of photos neatly bundled up with a paper clip.

Memories and occasions over the past decades were in my hands.

For each picture, a different experience. Each one washed over my head as I let the nostalgia and the small tidbits I could remember overwhelmed me.

Pictures from the time we all went camping during spring, birthdays over the summer, slumber parties we've had over the fall, and cozy snow days during the winter.

In each photo, we were all smiling.

Basil said something about a surprise on the back of the photos.

I flipped over a photo of all six of us lined up in front of the wall of our high school.

'Today's the first day of our new high school! I'm so excited! A little nervous too, but Mari and Hero are here to help! And believe it or not, we all have the same classes! It's a miracle!'

Oh, I remember this now. On the first day, I almost overslept but Mari woke me up. I spent the entire night before with jitters from excitement.

In retrospect, I can't believe I was that excited for high school. It was just a bigger middle school.

I read more notes Basil made over the years that had gone by, from small events that I almost forgot, to memories I could remember like it was yesterday.

Things were so different now. The contrast between the memories and reality struck me through like a knife.

Basil really sent me something great.

Something warm fell onto my cheeks. I tried to rub it off with my hand, but more kept falling onto my palm.

Was I crying?

Why was I crying? The pictures made me so happy, but I feel like sobbing. Shouldn't these feelings cancel out?

I couldn't understand what I felt. I felt like I could smile, but my tears flowed all the same. I wouldn't be able to put it into words if I ever tried to describe what it felt like.

It's the first time in my life that I ever experienced this weeping that brought me joy.

Are they the same? Would they feel the same way I did? This emotion I could barely describe.

We all went through these memories together. If they meant even a portion of what they meant to me, then they'd have to feel the same emotions I did.

My tears stopped.

What did they feel?

Even if we all haven't spoken in some time, even if we've fought, we're still friends. The photos in my hands proves it.

Even though there's still so many things about me that could be better and things I don't know, that has to be true.

The photo of a picnic by a lake popped into my hands.

I remember this day.

It was the day I almost drowned.

I was never very good at swimming.

In the depths of the water, as the lake overtook every inch of my body, I didn't resist and let the water overtake me.

Mari had to save me. And she cried so much afterwards.

We never went to the lake much after that.

But should I have kicked? Shouldn't I have fought to keep afloat?

I tried to give up again. To let everything wash away from me and to sink in the water without moving another muscle.

This was the same thing, wasn't it? I'm no good at talking to people and no good at swimming, so instead of kicking and flailing about, I let myself drown.

I read the back of the photo from that day.

'This was supposed to be a fun picnic, but later on, Sunny almost drowned. It's only thanks to Mari that he didn't, but I was closer to the lake than her. I should've jumped in too…'

Basil regrets this? And he kept this photo all the same.

He really shouldn't have. I let myself drown.

And I need to get myself out.

I need to kick…

I need to swim.

I need to move!

I can't keep running away from them with excuses that they'll hate me more if I did anything!

Stop worrying about how they view you and swallow your fears and blame! Because if I can accept them, then hopefully, they'll accept me back.

They won't hate me if I fail.

They won't tell me to leave.

We've been through too much of that.

Things and people change. But our friendship will last even if we change too.

There's been too many years, too many conversations, too many moments shared that our bond could break just because of one fight.

The crystallization of everything lain beautifully in my hands.

I let everything that weighed on me blow away in a single breath. Jealousies, who wronged who, missing pieces of our friendship.

None of that mattered.

The only thing that did, was what I had to do.

I grabbed each of the three plans and tore them into scraps. They weren't going to help me do this.

Those indirect methods aren't going to change anything.

Despite the cautious parts of me screaming that I should prepare, that I need to raise my odds, I wouldn't put off what I was going to do next.

Let's go.

Actually, there's one thing I should do first.

I picked out paper, pen and an envelope. If I'm really going to change, then the least I should do is to tell the whole truth to my closest friend half a country away.