Chapter 28: Dining Room Panic!

Exams were finished. School was out for the next month. And Hibari was staring at her ceiling while her stereo played some Ippu-Do. It wasn't like she had anything better to do right now, with Ranma still absent. At least Ranma had figured out the Parlay and was expecting to drop the challenge against Chardin any day now.

But Hibari couldn't do anything. She really didn't like feeling powerless.

"Miss Hibari," Seiji's gruff voice called out from the doorway.

"Yeah? What's up Seiji?"

"There's a man here to see you. He says it's important."

Hibari sighed as she pulled herself out of bed. "Alright. Do you know who he is?"

"He said he is Shampoo's father."

Hibari stopped on the threshold between her bedroom (which had been repaired of all bullet holes) and the hallway, and turned around to head back to bed.

"Y-young miss! He was very apologetic. He says he wants to explain things," Seiji added desperately. He knew Hibari could be a bit stubborn at times.

Hibari stopped and let out a sigh. "Well... I didn't really have any other plans. Alright. Let's see what he has to say."

Hibari followed Seiji down to one of the side buildings of the complex. It was a smaller one room building. Nearly a shed really. It was generally used for intimidation or interrogation. She found Shampoo's father seated beside the short chabudai table. The man looked quite forlorn.

Hibari sat herself across from him, while Seiji sat to one side. He had checked the man for weapons, but after stories about what Mousse could smuggle about he wasn't going to leave this man alone with Hibari.

The man took a moment to compose himself before bowing to Hibari. "I wish to apologise for the trouble my family has caused you. And yet, I must also beg you aid."

"Really? And why should we help?" Hibari asked.

The man sat back up, but kept his eyes on the table between them. "My daughter... she's been acting withdrawn these past couple of weeks. She's normal such a cheerful girl, and yet now she barely eats and almost never leaves her room... you and Saotome are the only people here she's ever considered her friends. Perhaps the only ones she's ever truly considered friends."

"That friendship was based entirely on a lie," Hibari countered flatly. She didn't like that it took a bit of effort to maintain her flat tone. She had considered Shui a friend, and knowing that Shui had been Shampoo... well, it confused her sympathy a little.

"I know... It was my grandmother's idea. Shampoo had wanted to tell you both right away. She hoped it would be a dramatic enough show of her love to win you two... but my grandmother has grown perhaps a bit too fond of intrigue in her old age and wanted to try two strategies at once."

"Shampoo also tried to kill both Ranma and me," Hibari added, as much to convince herself as anything.

"I believe it is custom within your family's circles to remove fingers from those who fail to repay debts and give apologies. A tradition started to weaken warriors who had offended. There are many in my village who would consider that an unspeakable punishment," the man said softly.

Hibari felt herself struggling to justify herself in the matter, trying to distance traditions in her 'culture' from those in Shampoo's. Yet to her surprise the man did not push that accusation, and instead produced a cloth, onto which he placed his hand.

"I couldn't bring a knife in this situation, but... I am prepared to submit to your traditions if that is the apology you need."

"Woah! Woah! No! No chopping off fingers!" Hibari shouted, both to Shampoo's father and to Seiji (who had been headed towards the door, no doubt to call Sabu over to perform the yubitsume). "I'll go talk to Shampoo, and no one will lose any body parts. Sound good?"

Shampoo's father breathed a sigh of relief. "That's certainly a better option in my books."

Entering by the service door to the Neko Hanten, Hibari and Brush (which is what Hibari had learned was the name of Shampoo's father) were surprised to see a happy looking male form Shampoo pulling food out from a refrigerator. Hibari shot a glance at Brush, and found him looking utterly baffled.

"Tongzhi Hibari! Was just about to go visit. Have good news!" Shampoo announced.

"Good news?" Hibari asked, quite confused.

Shampoo nodded happily. "Was studying Cologne's texts. Learned how to do Cat's Tongue. Now tongzhi Hibari and Ranma not need to worry. Am just Shui now."

"W-what?" Hibari stuttered.

"Tongzhi not like Shampoo, but are friends with Shui. So... if make no Shampoo, only Shui, then we all good. Yes?"

Brush rushed forward to the dining area, and began shouting in Mandarin. A raspy and ancient voice shouted back. Moments later Cologne hopped into the kitchen and bounded over to Shui.

"You used the Cat's Tongue on yourself? Why, Shampoo?" the old woman asked, her usual confidence giving way to genuine concern and compassion.

"Am Shui now. Give up old life if that is what future spouses need."

"Shampoo, don't do that to yourself," Hibari said, moving forward. "You can't... we might have been upset, but this..."

"Is already done," Shui replied flatly.

Hibari felt her heart drop, and did the only thing she could do: grab Shui into a hug. "No, no, no... We'll fix this."

"You say this bad and must be fixed, but also hug Shui while have only ever hated Shampoo," Shui replied.

Hibari let go and backed away a step. "Shampoo, you did sort of give a bad first impression, but let's try again, shall we? I can't make promises for Ranma, but I'll try to be your friend at least. We put any murder attempts and marriage schemes behind us, focus on friendship? And I mean friendship with the real you."

"Well, fixing this will take some time," Cologne said. "I was telling the truth when I said that only a phoenix pill can undo the cat's tongue... and the only way to get one of those in this country will be when the Jusenkyo Merchant returns near the end of the month."

Shui took a confident pose. "If tongzhi Ranma could do it, so can I."

"Well... Ranma might be going girl full time," Hibari replied (filled with a confidence Ranma certainly didn't feel on the matter).

"Really? Then I must be like this. There supposed to be husband," Shui said with a simple matter-of-fact tone.

"Shampoo, I said no more murder or marriage schemes," Hibari replied flatly.

Shui pouted for a moment before letting out a sigh. "Fine. Can still call tongzhi cute, yes?"

"That I will allow," Hibari replied with a smirk. Her face quickly grew serious though. "But seriously, it's not going to be easy for you to be stuck like this a month. Ranma and I can handle it thanks to growing up with it, but you're diving in the deep end. I'm going to have to give you a crash course on certain things..."

"Already understand a bit, like how one use urinal... but more information good," Shui said.

«It's good to see them patching things up. Your strategy worked, grandson,» Cologne whispered to Brush in Mandarin.

«My child's own actions helped. I really must wonder though... could she really end up a husband?» he replied quietly.

«I think at this stage we should give up making assumptions,» the old woman whispered back.

Picolet Chardin had been told by one of the servant girls that there were two men waiting for him in their hall of mirrors. He wasn't sure which servant girl, but that was the point. If you looked at servants you were doing it wrong.

She had sounded vaguely more scared than usual, but it was hard to tell. Those local girls they hired all seemed so overwhelmed by his charming masculinity.

Still, he felt it best to steel himself before opening the ornate oversized doors. He wanted to appear perfectly calm.

Confident that was the air he gave Chardin pushed the door open. The sight he found shattered his resolve in an instant.

There were two men, both dressed in suits, yet somehow able to look more thuggish for their fine dress. The larger one had a physique Chardin would expect from a particularly heavily built yeti. The.. less large one was still a well built man with strong square features. Both were wearing dark sunglasses that gave them an aura of menace.

But the worst thing was the larger one had lifted the Chardin's genuine Coysevox bust and was examining the bottom of it.

"How much do you think this thing's worth?" Seiji asked Sabu, having apparently not noticed Chardin's entrance.

"I dunno. Probably more than I make in a year though. Put it back before you drop it," Sabu replied coolly, before turning to Picolet. "Yo. You're Chardin, right?"

"I... I am indeed. Picolet Chardin II. Master of Martial Arts Dining. And you two are?" Chardin replied, sounding far more nervous than he'd hoped. The ogre of a man still hadn't put the bust down...

"We're a couple of concerned citizens," Sabu replied coolly. "You see, our boss has taken an interest in the... Saotome you're currently hosting. And the little challenge you two are going to have. Specifically, our boss wants to make sure everything's all fair and proper, y'know?"

"We Chardin's are always proper," Picolet replied, watching nervously as Seiji finally put down the antique bust. Only to set his eyes on the 1690 Rouen porcelain. Picolet found himself biting into his knuckle as the thug picked up the 300 year old French produced fine china.

"Lotsa antiques and such here," Seiji muttered as he lightly tossed the Rouen porcelain to take a look at the bottom. "Probably ensured though, right?"

Chardin nodded nervously.

"Don't be so casual, Seiji. Antiques like these are worth more than the money insurance companies would pay. Nah... if something tragic befell this place, like say a fire, it would be devastating. Right, Chardin?" Sabu said.

"O-of course," the Frenchman replied.

"Luckily the Chardins look smart. They don't take needless risks to their estate by doing anything risky, like, say... appointin' a biased judge to a martial arts match. Or other things that could upset people with extensive knowledge of how to commit arson," Sabu explained.

"Honhon, no..." Chardin laughed awkwardly. "We'd be happy to have you find a referee."

"Ah. How very kind. Seiji, thank the man," Sabu replied, gesturing towards Picolet.

"You're too nice, Mister Chardin," Seiji said, marching menacingly towards the blond. Before bowing and handing him the Rouen porcelain.

"Seiji, Mister is English, not French," Sabu stated as the two showed themselves out.

"Heh, oops. I'm not good at those foreign languages," Seiji replied with a nervous laugh.

Chardin watched in terror as they left, afraid to move a muscle, lest he drop the priceless antique he was holding.

"Qu'est-ce que j'ai juste fait?" he whispered to himself.

It was here at last. The final competition between Chardin and Ran(ma). It was being hosted at the Wakaba school gymnasium, and, despite classes being out of the summer, had drawn the majority of the student body.

Chardin himself had been seated at the oversized dining table in the centre of the room as everyone filed in, holding himself aloof to all the energy surrounding him. After watching him run through his pre-dining mouth exercises, most of the audience were quite terrified. Nervously one of the school's daring reporters approached him, a microphone in hand.

"Er... Ch-Chardin-san, I'm with the Wakaba Daily, and I was wondering-"

Chardin's response to swallow the microphone whole as soon as it approached his face broke the reporters train of thought.

"Y-you're going to have to pay for that."

Chardin gave him a judgmental once over. "Hmph, if tu did not want it eaten, zen you should not have brought it so close to mon bouche. It shall go on ze bill for the meal. Ze lozer shall pay."

The student reporter stormed off, hoping that he wasn't going to be left with the bill.

Things were going much better for Hibari. Everyone wanted to place bets on this competition, to the point that her stall was nearly overwhelmed. The only thing keeping everyone orderly was the watchful eye of her father, who sat not too far away. His cold gaze (directed more at Hibari, and the miniskirt she was wearing, than the crowd) kept the betting cowed into behaving.

"Alright, and that was 1 400 yen on Chardin? Done... Huh, you think Shampoo is going to interrupt? 500 yen on that? Okay... And you're-Oh! Akane," Hibari said as her new acquaintance popped out of the crowd. "I didn't know you were coming. Is your whole family here, or just you?"

"The whole family," Akane replied, while Hibari tried to balance the conversation with taking more bets. "Nabiki and I want to see Ran wipe the smug look off that guy's face."

"Haha, me too," Hibari replied. Glares and yelling from the betting pool caused her to shoot them an angry look. "Just because I want Ran to win doesn't mean the betting is rigged!"

"Where's her brother?" Akane asked, once protests died down a bit.

"Her... Yeah, well, he's too nervous. Can't bear to sit in the audience and just watch," Hibari replied awkwardly. It was so hard to keep Ranma from seeming like a bad sibling.

"Wait, brother? I didn't know-" someone there to make a bet began to ask.

Hibari however had pulled out a megaphone, to slightly deafen all those present as she shouted out "Betting is almost closed! 5 minutes until all bets are locked!"

Akane noticed as a rush of students appeared. "I think I'll leave you too it!"

The youngest Tendo then hurried back to where her family were seated. She let out a sigh of relief when she realised Happosai had wandered off. Akane quietly sat down beside Nabiki, getting ready to wait.

"I should have come earlier," Nabiki muttered. "If I'd known Oozora was running a betting pool... I could have offered to help out for a cut."

"Now Nabiki, I'm not sure that's wise. She is Yakuza, do you really want to risk getting mixed up in something like that?" Kasumi asked.

The middle sister shrugged. "Akane's being pretty chummy with her."

"I'm not going to get near her cash flow," Akane protested. "That's the dangerous thing."

Soun sat in stoic silence. The master had run off to annoy Genma, and he was going to enjoy the break. Even if his daughters were apparently plotting to get tangled up with Yakuza... just as his best friend had.

He'd worry about that later.

Genma had been sitting quietly with Seiji, keeping an eye on Madame St. Paul as she stewed over not being allowed to referee. That was until Happosai showed up (preceded by shrieks from a number of Wakaba's female students after he groped and harassed them).

"Genma, I'm quite disappointed in you," the shrivelled old man announced.

"M-master Happosai... what a pleasure to see you. T-Tendo-kun told me you were doing well," the part time panda replied nervously.

"I was fine, but now I've learned you didn't trust me. I must say that I am wounded. Why would you hide that you had a daughter from your own sensei?"

"I... pardon?" Genma asked, taken aback by the question.

"Don't play ignorant. I already heard everything from Tendo's lovely girls."

"Soun didn't explain it? I... I suppose we were rather drunk when I told him," Genma replied, half to himself.

Happosai's reply was interrupted by the main doors opening, as Ranma, Sabu, and the guest referee were led in alongside a number of servants carrying platters.

"I'm very offended you didn't tell me about her, Genma... she's gorgeous. A little skinny, but still, nice curves nonetheless!" Happosai declared before turning to bound over.

Ranma was climbing the stairs to the centre stage when the shrivelled grandmaster attached himself directly to the redhead's bust.

"Little Ran! It's been too long!" Happosai announced, deciding to pretend he'd known this girl.

Ranma shrieked, too shocked for a moment to respond. Sabu however had been expecting this and drew his Katana to point towards Happosai's head. Ranma was locked in awkward tension, the blade also being just a few centimetres from the pigtailed girl's bust.

"What is with everyone? I drop out of society for 14 years and suddenly everyone is pulling weapons on each other over the slightest issue," Happosai said, glaring at the blade. "But I don't care. With that metal corset around her midsection this is barely any fun. Eat a bit more young girl, and then you would be perfect!"

Happosai then bounded away.

In the direction of the girls' change room. (Of course.)

"Ah... well, with that, erm, interruption out of the way, let us begin," the guest referee announced. He was obviously European, and dressed in a manner that seemed fitting of a FIFA referee (only with pants rather than shorts). "I am Stijn van der Westhuizen, of the Dutch Martial Arts Dining Federation, Orient Division. This match is between Picolet Chardin and Saotome Ran. Whichever contestant clears all of his or her plates first shall be counted the winner. Time penalties shall be applied for undignified manners. There are of course more rules, but I don't want to bore the audience, as both parties are already aware of these rules."

There had been some whispers of confusion in the crowd at Ranma being introduced as Ran, bu silence descended as the referee raised his hand. «One. Two. Three. Go!»

The two contestants dove into the food before them with nearly inhuman speed. As the audience struggled to keep track of movements, Chardin realised he was definitely eating more than intended. Glancing over at Ran's plates he realised he was losing the competition.

'Ah, but there is one weakness for all those who follow the parlay technique,' he thought to himself as he deftly flipped a plate into his mouth as a shield. 'You shall tire, my petite amour, and then I shall win by default!'

"Undignified behaviour, 30 second penalty to Chardin," the referee announced.

Shocked, Picolet dropped his shield and turned to argue with the referee. "How dare you! Do you realise who I am!?"

"Placing the china in your mouth is a violation of etiquette rules," Stijn replied curtly. "Your family name isn't as important as etiquette."

Chardin's jaw dropped in shock. He'd never heard such absurdity! He was also quite shocked as the audience started cheering.

"Did you see that? A whole turkey, and he barely noticed it go in!"

"Go Ra...Ran!"

Chardin realised that in his shock he'd opened himself to an attack by Ran. Chardin realised protest was useless and chose to initiate a parlay of his own. Unfortunately Ranma's mouth was such a small target that even Chardin's efforts to stretch his mouth out of the way left the two of them roughly equal.

Ranma was beginning to feel the pangs of hunger as the competition went on. A stalemate would be Chardin's game. Unless... it would be playing dirty, but that was core to Anything Goes, wasn't it? The redhead wore a mischievous smirk while launching a potato across the table. Not at Chardin's mouth, but rather his forehead.

The Frenchman winced as the tuber bounced off his forehead.

"Messy eating penalty. 10 seconds," the referee called.

"Now wait... just un moment! That was.. Clearly the... work of my opponent!" Chardin protested awkwardly as Ranma launched food into the blond's open mouth.

"It hit your face. A proper diner can intercept any food headed their way," the Dutchman countered.

"I am trying... not to... eat her... food!" Chardin shot back, yet more of Ranma's dishes being emptied his way as he argued with the judge.

"Etiquette stands above all else," Stijn stated flatly.

Chardin was prepared to argue the point more when a meatball slapped into his forehead, leaving a patch of sauce. "She IS clearly juste using zis as a food fight!"

"Which is allowed. It is on you to provide adequate defense. This is martial arts dining. It is a food fight. So... 10 second penalty again."

Furious, Chardin turned to his red haired opponent and began wildly flinging food in Ranma's general direction. Obviously two could play at that game. Ranma intercepted the majority of Chardin's and launched them back to Chardin's plates. One tomato bounced off Ranma's cheek, but the redhead made no effort to protest the ten second penalty the referee called for. It just meant a need to be 10 seconds faster.

Ranma's speed was starting to waver as hunger weakened the redhead. Teetering on the brink, Ranma worried about collapse.

'Just the effort to keep my mouth closed to Chardin can't make me eat anything is getting tiring," Ranma thought. Until the lightbulb went off. 'Wait, why am I not eating anything?'

Ranma's mouth fell open, and the redhead began to eat as much as possible. One hand was focused on directing Chardin's assault into Ranma's mouth, while the other sent food on Ranma's own plate across the table to Chardin's side.

Picolet found himself confused at Ranma's tactic, and took a brief pause to understand what level of deception was clearly involved; a pause that allowed Chardin to watch as the last bit of food on Ranma's plates vanished, zipping across to one of Chardin's plates almost too fast to see.

'"Saotome wins!" the referee announced, to the cheering of much of the crowd.

Picolet's jaw dropped to the ground. It took him a moment or two to regain some level of composure. "V-very well, madame. You win. The engagement in null and void."

Grumpily, Chardin tossed the key to Ranma's corset over to the redhead.

As the Frenchman stood up and stormed out of the gymnasium (Madame St. Paul close behind) a wave of students flooded to Hibari, demanding their winnings.

Hibari sat quietly on Ranma's bed, waiting for the pigtailed cutie to come up from the bath. Cleaning under where the corset had been was obviously a logical priority. Of course a secondary reason Ranma would have wanted a bath simply didn't occur to Hibari until her handsome black haired fiancé walked into the room. Wearing only a towel over the shoulders and a pair of track pants Hibari could certainly see the weight Ranma had lost. But that barely registered.

"You're in boy form?" Hibari asked.

Ranma smiled weakly and sat down beside Hibari. "Yeah. While I was stuck with that corset... it took a couple days, but I was squirmin' almost as bad as I was with the cat's tongue. I-I'm such a mess ain't I? Can't even figure out somethin' as basic as if I'm a guy or a girl. I really appreciate your patience, but still... sorry 'bout all this."

Hibari gave Ranma a warm smile and pulled the handsome boy into a hug. "It's not always such an easy thing to figure out. It took me a couple years once I started thinking about it."

"A couple years when ya were, like, 6. I'm sixteen. I'm basically an adult..."

Hibari put her hand on Ranma's chin and turned the dark haired boy to face her. "Ranma, don't compare yourself to my journey. I have 3 sisters. One of whom loved to dress me up for tea parties when I was little. And I had the chance to feel jealousy over how they got dolls to play with, and I didn't. You didn't have anything like that to get the ball rolling."

"I guess that's true," Ranma replied quietly, pulling Hibari into a hug. "Thanks."

The two just sat there in silence for a few minutes. Enjoying one another's company. Both had things they knew needed saying, but right now they just wanted to enjoy the other's presence.

Ranma slowly realised there was one thing worth saying. "The guest referee was your doing, wasn't it?"

Hibari looked up at him and smiled. "Mmmaybe. At the very least I got the ball rolling. You do represent an important investment for daddy, so it didn't take much to convince him to find a friendly referee."

"He wasn't bribed or anythin', was he?"

Hibari gave Ranma a hurt look before giving an overdramatic reply. "I'm shocked you would suspect my honest and upstanding family of such a shady move. We are an honourable and law abiding house."

Hibari kept up her shocked look, and Ranma an apologetic look, for a few seconds. Then both burst into laughter.

"Pfft... but no. We didn't do anything like that. Knew you'd value your honour in combat too much," Hibari replied.

"Thanks. Again," Ranma replied with a smile.

The pair locked eyes, and found themselves slowly sliding forward for a kiss. As their lips were mere centimetres apart... Ranma's stomach growled loudly.

Hibari shot him a lidded glare. "Way to ruin the mood."

"Ah shush it. I'll eat later," Ranma countered, before leaning in and kissing Hibari anyway.