Chapter 38: A Princess and a Capulet

Ukyo was dressed. The door was right there. But opening it... facing Ranma again after what happened on the beach.. that was too much. It had been a spur of the moment decision made from desperation. And it may have just ruined everything.

"What the heck was I thinking?" Ukyo sighed, head banging against the frame of the door.

Months of intensive therapy would reveal it largely stemmed from abandonment issues sparked by Ukyo's father's constant efforts to get rid of his child. Learning he'd been willing to give up his Yatai to be free of fatherhood had led to some very repressed trauma.

Unfortunately Ukyo had not, at this point, been to any therapy, and was unlikely to in the foreseeable future. This, of course, was another in a long line of poor decisions Ukyo had made on top of the core issues of having a terrible father.

Akane glanced over at Kousaku as they walked to school, feeling a bit worried about him. He'd shown up the previous evening, dropped off by a mummy of a woman, with his face severely sunburnt and signs of what Kasumi had said was acute dehydration. A worried trip to Dr. Tofu's had revealed that Kasumi's assessment had been fairly accurate, but the doctor was fairly certain some rest and a good amount of fluids would be enough.

"You should have stayed at home, you know," Akane said as they neared the gates to Furinkan High School.

"Meh, I keep missing days thanks to that old creep. I need to be here as much as possible," Kousaku replied, his voice a bit raspy.

Akane shrugged and kept walking. The boy being a fool wasn't her job to fix.

"Tendo! Face me in the arena of love!"

"Seriously, Kuno? How many months have I been beating you up? Can't you accept I hate your guts?" Akane shouted as she handed her book bag to Kousaku.

Akane shifted into a loose fighting stance, something she'd adopted from her new sparring partners, and waited for Kuno to strike. As he'd been doing lately, Kuno took a rapid jab as his opener. Akane swerved to the side, before dropping to attempt a leg sweep. Kuno stepped back, barely dodging, and tried to move with another strike. Akane however had the momentum and pushed into him with a flurry of punches to the gut. She kept pressing him, remaining too close for effective bokuto strikes, until he tripped on a bit of uneven ground. As he wobbled towards falling, Akane knocked his feet from under him with a quick kick to the ankle, before pulling his bokuto from his hands.

"You lost! For the... I don't know, it has to be close to the 100th time! Gah!" Akane shouted, snapping yet another of Kuno's bokuto's in her rage.

"'Tis merely the 73rd time, fair Akane," Tatewaki protested.

"I! Don't! Care!"

With that Akane turned back to Kousaku, grabbed her bag, and stormed into the school building. The sunburnt boy was left scrambling to keep up with her, mostly because he found it embarrassing to get left behind.

Upon reaching the classroom the pair were met by several boys in strange costumes. Akane braced for a fight, until she realised there were two girls in the group as well.

"Tendo-kun! We need your help! Furinkan's hosting the Nerima High School Theatrics Festival this month, and we need you to play the lead!" one of the boys (dressed as Godzilla) declared.

Akane's eye twitched slightly as she shoved her way through them. "No! It's not happening!"

"But we've all talked about it, and you're definitely the best choice!" another boy (this one dressed as a traditional Kabuki actor) said.

"Never!" Akane shouted, storming over to flop in her seat.

"What play is it anyhow?" Kousaku asked a girl in a sheep costume.

"Romeo and Juliet," the girl replied.

"I played Romeo ONE TIME in grade school and I'll never live it down, huh!?" Akane bellowed, grabbing the Godzilla boy by the collar.

"Y-you played Ro-er, but we w-wanted you to be Juliet," the boy stammered.

"Juliet," Akane said, almost more as a gasp than speaking. Her eyes glazed over with a look of joy. Suddenly she leapt on her desk and gave a theatrical pose of lamentation.

"'What's in a name? that which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet;

So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,

Retain that dear perfection which he owes

Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,

And for that name which is no part of thee

Take all myself."

"Never fear, mine Juliet! It is I, your Romeo, with roses in tow!" Kuno declared, bursting into the room with an oversized bouquet of red roses in his arms.

Amazingly, Akane seemed oblivious and continued to recite lines from the play.

"Hey, w-who said y-you'd be Romeo?" a pale and ghoulish lad asked, emerging from a shadowy corner of the classroom Kousaku had somehow never noticed before.

"Is it not obvious? I am the most qualified at this school," Kuno replied. "As a noble samurai, I doth be perfect for the part."

"W-well, I want to try out for the part too!" Gosunkugi countered, turning to the club members. "Let me audition!"

"Nay, the part is decided!" Kuno shouted. "The rosy lips of Akane shall be mine!"

"What? N-never. I'll be... I'll be the one to kiss her!" Gosunkugi rasped, trying to sign his name onto a script.

"I... I'll try for the part too!" Kousaku shouted, drawing surprised stares from all (apart for Akane, who was still lost in the joy of being cast as Juliet). Kuno he knew would ruin the play, and Gosunkugi had always seemed creepy around Akane. Maybe he couldn't protect her in a fight, but he could try to help where he could.

"Thou?" Kuno asked, drawing a new bokuto to point at Kousaku. "What giveth thou the right, sunburnt rogue that doth already slumber in the home of beauteous Akane?"

"W-well, it's an open audition, right?" Kousaku asked, looking up nervously at the tall kendoist. "And... I think doing a play could be fun?"

"Um, well, we can do some readings as auditions at lunch?" the kabuki dressed drama club member offered.

"Nay! This shalt be decided upon the correct field of battle: the stage itself! Prepare thyselves, cads, next week it shall be I, Kuno Tatewaki, Blue Thunder of Furinkan, who kisseth fair Akane!"

"On stage?" the Godzilla boy whispered to the kabuki one.

"I guess it'll be interesting at least," the kabuki boy sighed. They were going to lose, weren't they?

"So, you want to kiss me?" Akane asked, pointing an angry finger at Kousaku when he was about to start his stretches before after school training in the dojo.

"I...what? No. It was those jerks being creeps. I didn't want to let them ruin the play for you, so I hoped I could stop them. Th-they didn't seem like they'd audition well, so I thought it would be easy to keep them out," Kousaku explained, trying to stay calm as Akane glared at him. "I didn't think Kuno'd decide to turn the play into chaos like that."

"Well, I'm not kissing you," Akane snapped at him. He wasn't anywhere near as bad as Kuno, but Akane worried he was thinking this was a long game of earning her trust, and that his motives were the same. He was a boy after all.

Hibari was listening to a bit of The Plastics between morning classes on her cassette player, lounging in her seat, when she noticed a few nervous students not from her class gathering around her desk. Pausing the music, she slipped her headphones off.

"Can I help you guys?"

"The regional theatrical festival is coming up, and we need a lead actress for our play," the one boy explained, before dropping into a humbling bow. "Please, accept the part, so that our school can win."

"What's the play?" Hibari asked.

"Sleeping Beauty," another boy replied, handing her a script.

"Is the part of the prince decided yet?" Hibari asked as she began to flip through the script.

"No, not yet. We figure we'll get a lot of applicants once you're announced as the princess though," a girl explained.

"Hm... I'll accept on two conditions: 1) you let me do some editing on this script, the dialogue is a little stiff at points, plus the dragon would be almost impossible, and 2) Ranma plays the prince."

"Huh, wut?" Ranma asked, looking up from his doodlings.

"Saotome? Does he have any acting experience?" the first boy asked.

"Shouldn't ya have somebody tall playing the leading man?" Shiina asked, having been eavesdropping rather obviously.

"Leave me in charge of training him," Hibari replied, ignoring Shiina entirely. "I'm not changing my position."

The drama club members turned and formed a huddle. After a few moments of discussion they turned around and nodded.

"Very well, we accept," the first boy said. "Ranma can play the part."

"Wait, what am I doin'?" Ranma asked, still not sure what was happening.

Shui quietly gathered school books and other supplies at the end of the day, preparing to head back to the Neko Hanten, grab a shower, and then have a long evening of waitressing. Hibari and Ranma had been dragged off by the drama club, so the walk would be quieter than usual. Well, that was the plan, until Shui sensed something brush against her hair and turned to find Rie there.

"Can I help you?" Shui asked.

"I, uh... no, I'm okay," Rie replied nervously, trying to shrink behind her books. "Um, since Ranma and Hibari are busy, did you want to walk home together?"

"I suppose," Shui said with a shrug. "You not have work at Ucchan's?"

"No... I can't go and work for a guy who'd treat a girl the way Ukyo was treating Ranma at the beach. Or, well, I guess how he treats Ranma might not be how he'd treat a girl exactly, but I think he thinks of Ranma as a girl? I... either way, it was wrong," Rie explained, obviously deciding to ignore the complications she'd not yet worked out.

Shui just nodded. It was certainly a learning experience to see how upset the whole affair had made Ranma and Hibari. To the Nujiezu any tool was allowed in the battle of courtship. To ignore an option was seen as weakness, or at best lack of enthusiasm. Yet here, the use of magic to rewrite someone's emotions was viewed with horror and... it made some sense to Shui. Thinking about if Mousse had succeeded left an unpleasant taste in Shui's mouth.

"It certainly was not best option for spatula boy to choose," Shui replied, realising Rie was hoping for a conversation.

Rie stared for Shui after that reply, seemingly look for something. What, Shui couldn't tell, but it led to another awkward silence.

"So, what are you going to do for the night if not working?" Shui asked, trying to be friendly.

"Hmm, well, I'm a little bit hungry right now, and I've never actually had the chance to go to your family's restaurant. So, I guess I'll follow you and grab a bite to eat?"

"Sounds good. Is usually quiet at this time."

Rie replied with a smile that Shui wasn't quite sure how to read. The pair engaged in some light small talk on the rest of the walk, mostly concerning upcoming tests or assignments. All the while, Shui felt like Rie had some sort of ulterior motive, but couldn't work out what.

"Well, we here now. I have work to do in back, but was good to talk," Shui said, before hurrying off towards the back area.

The cursed girl went to the kitchen, hurried past Cologne, grabbed a waitress' uniform, and slipped into the washroom for a quick change. Cologne could run the restaurant alone outside of meal rushes, which meant there were no part timers around who Shampoo needed to keep from seeing her change. There was one other person in the back, but he was currently in a kennel meowing pathetically.

"Mousse, stop that," Shampoo said, shooting an angry glare at the black cat as she walked across the kitchen. "You're not getting out just from sad meowing."

As Mousse sighed and curled up to take a nap Shampoo hurried out into the main restaurant area. Luckily Rie was still going through her menu, so she wouldn't have a bad impression of the restaurant's service. The girl was a friend of Shampoo's airen, and therefore deserved good treatment. Also.. sort of a friend of Shampoo's? Or, more accurately, Shui's? At least Shampoo hoped that it was going to grow to be a friendship.

"You need any help?" Shampoo asked.

"I think I'll try the hot and sour noodles?" Rie said, while giving that same odd smile.

"Of course," Shampoo replied, wondering just what was going on with that girl.

Rie kept smiling as she watched Shampoo head back to the kitchen. That little flower petal she'd stuck in Shui's hair was still there in Shampoo's. Her suspicions were correct. What she'd do with that information, she had no idea, but she had it.

Ranma looked the script over after Hibari handed it to him. "Huh, this is pretty good. Too bad Shiina and Kaori are gonna probably start improvisin' ta make us look bad though."

"Hopefully they'll keep their nonsense to back stage," Hibari replied, pouting a bit.

"Still, thanks fer thinkin' I can play the prince. It's a big part, and I ain't done much actin'."

"Well, you learn quick. And I wouldn't want to have to do a kissing scene with anyone else."

"K-kissin' scene?" Ranma yelped, flipping to the back of the script. "A proper kiss in a school play... heh, h-how many people'll be in the audience?"

"I'm not sure. Probably at least a hundred," Hibari replied.

Ranma felt like sweating a little, nervous about something so boldly romantic in front of a crowd that big.

Akane hurried down to answer the door. Glancing at the clock she realised it was probably Hibari and Ran. She'd gotten so sucked into studying her lines for the play she'd almost forgotten about their weekly training session.

Sliding open the front door she was greeted by the pair of smiling redheads.

"Hey there, Akane," Ran said. "Before we start, we've gotta apologise, but there's some stuff we need to work on, so we'll have ta call the session short. Just an hour, max."

"No worries! I have something I need to work on for school too," Akane replied, smiling happily.

The trio set off for the dojo, Hibari having arrived in casual workout clothes to save having to change. Akane, for her part, had been lounging in shorts and a t-shirt already. And Ran never bothered to change.

After some quick stretching and warming up, Ran started to lead the other two through a quick kata. However, Akane remained firmly behind the pace. After the kata wrapped up Akane waved off Ranma and Hibari's concerns that she was a bit distracted, insisting she was fine to spar.

The others accepted it, leading to Hibari and Akane going up, giving a bow, and starting their sparring session. Akane was down to a Judo throw by Hibari within thirty seconds.

"Okay. You're super distracted," Hibari said as she helped Akane up. "No way should I have gotten you with a throw."

"Heh, I guess you're right. I'm just so excited about the play coming up," Akane replied, a distracted smile spreading across her face.

"Ooh, you're doing a play too? Is it for the regional comp-of course it's for that, Furinkan's hosting," Hibari said, lightly smacking her head when the realisation hit.

"Which play are you guys doing?" Akane asked.

"Sleepin' Beauty," Ran replied. "Hibari's playin' the princess and I-er... well, Ranma's playin' the prince."

"Oh, that's so romantic," Akane said, turning to Hibari. "Since he's your fiancé, are you two going to really kiss?"

"Oh definitely," Hibari replied, sending bedroom eyes Ran's way, which caused the other girl to blush.

Akane noticed that, and couldn't understand it.

"What play are you guys doin'?" Ran asked, trying to get past the blushing.

"Romeo and Juliet," Akane replied happily. "And I get to play Juliet this time. It's wonderful."

"This time? Who'dya play last time?"

Akane's smile twitched a bit. "I... it's rather embarrassing, but... they made me play Romeo. Ah, but that's in the past."

To Hibari that was it: enough for her to feel confident about her theory on Akane. Which meant it was definitely time to tell Akane about Ranma... and herself, if she was being honest. As much as she never wanted to have to reveal that to anyone, if Akane was really the same then there was no need to worry.

"Yeah, I'm so sorry you guys, but I just can't focus on anything but the play right now," Akane said. "Let's meet up first thing after the performances though, how does that sound?"

"Oh, sure," Ran replied.

"I-uh, okay," Hibari added. It was fair. They could bring it up after the play. It was only a week.

"This joint is bigger than I thought," Ranma muttered, looking around the Furinkan auditorium.

Decorations were up, with posters for various school plays. The seating seemed ready for at least two, maybe three hundred people. The back stage meanwhile was a mess of actors in various costumes, props of all sorts, and judges checking for student IDs.

"And we get to close the show, it's great," Hibari added, sliding into her pink and blue Sleeping Beauty dress.

"Wait, we're goin' last? Great... I wanted ta get it over with," Ranma sighed.

"Hibari! It's good to see you!" Akane's voice rang out.

She looked quite cute in her Juliet dress, smiling away as she walked over. Hibari and Ranma both waved. Akane was a bit confused at Ranma's feminine wave, but reasoned that being around all the Oozora girls and Ran maybe he'd picked up on some habits. Honestly, maybe he wouldn't be too bad, at least as boys went, with that many girls to teach him how to act.

"Nervous?" Hibari asked as Akane grew closer.

"Quite. The play's probably going to be a disaster whatever I do. I thought Kuno meant they'd compete by having each Romeo candidate do a scene, but apparently he and Gosunkugi are planning a free-for-all," Akane sighed.

"Yeesh, that stinks," Ranma replied in a quite feminine tone, forgetting for the moment which form he was in thanks to nerves about the play, and going for what was normal around Akane.

"I, er, yes. It's going to be a headache," Akane said, wondering why the boy was acting so odd.

Across the backstage area, two tall teens had met up, easily spotting the other's poofy hair over the shorter crowd.

"Yo, Tatewaki," Shiina said with a friendly and casual wave.

"Ah, Makoto. Come for some last minute kendo lessons?" Kuno asked, glancing at the sword at the other lad's hip.

"Huh? Nah. This is a European fairy tale. So I think I'm just supposed to swing it about all chaotic like, y'know?"

"Western swordsmanship may lack the calm of Kendo, but there is still technique," Kuno replied coolly.

"Eh, it's just a play. I'll improvise. Bigger plan is to get a water gun or two ready. Hoping to embarrass Saotome today. I can't stand the idea of having to watch him kiss Hibari, that gender flipping little... whatever he is."

Akane tried a calming breathing exercise to center herself as she stood on the balcony. Beginning the famous soliloquy she silently thought to herself 'let the chaos begin'.

"Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?"

"I am here fair Aka-er, Juliet!" Kuno announced, hurrying onto stage with some sort of paper maché horse around his midsection and Sasuke clamping coconuts behind him.

Akane grimaced and tried to improvise a logical reply from the script.

"What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night; So stumblest on my counsel?"

"Your Romeo, of course!" Kuno replied.

The audience began to murmur in confusion as Akane struggled with the desire to chuck something at Tatewaki's head.

"Don't believe him. I'm your Romeo," Gosunkugi announced, appearing suddenly from the stone wall behind Akane. He'd done a remarkably good job painting the stone texture onto himself. "I... I could prove with a kiss! I... oh I actually said it. I'm talking to Akane."

As Gosunkugi happily hugged himself and began a little dance he tripped and fell off of the balcony... onto Tatewaki's head.

"Yay! A kiss!" someone in the crowd cried out.

Suddenly a chant emerged demanding a kiss.

"I ain't kissing either of those two!" Akane bellowed.

The crowd began to boo.

"Kiss neither, dear saint, if either thee dislike," Kousaku said as smoothly as he could while hopping on stage, tied up in ropes.

"How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?" Akane replied, thrilled to have someone following the script a bit. And honestly wondering where he'd been, Kousaku had been missing all morning.

"With love's light wings did I-yeap!" Kousaku yelped as Kuno took a swing at him. Luckily the kendoist hit only rope, freeing Kousaku's limbs.

"Knave! It is I that be the truest Romeo! Stand and fight me, villain!"

"To such a greeting: villain am I none; Therefore farewell; I see thou know'st me not," Kousaku yelped as he made a break towards the other end of the stage.

"C'mon! Fight him!" the crowd jeered.

"Romeo's a lover, not a fighter!" Kousaku yelped as he rolled away from a strike. Quietly, surprised the dodge worked, he muttered: "Huh, the training's really paying off."

Akane watched and wondered if she should intervene. Kousaku could only run for so long, and he could stand up to Kuno for even less time. Glancing around, she tried to find a sword. Or something that could play the role well enough...

Suddenly Ranma ran onto the stage in his Prince Phillip costume, prop sword drawn. "Capulet rogue, invading-"

"Montague!" Hibari's voice shouted from offstage.

"Er, sorry. Montague rogue, invading our rose garden! Stand and fight me Romeo!" Ranma tried again, pointing the sword at Kuno.

The tall kendoist smirked and turned smirked. "Another who wouldst keep me from my fair Juliet? Have at ye!"

In a few long paces, Kuno had crossed the stage and swung at Ranma, who dodged to the side. The pigtailed martial artist knew his prop sword was no match for his foes bokuto, and made no attempt to parry. Instead he stomped on the taller boy's foot, causing Kuno to yelp in pain.

"Honourless cur! I shalt have thine head!"

Ranma zipped and dodged around his tall foe, kicking Kuno in the rear and sending him flying off stage.

"Get back here intruder!" Ranma yelled, giving chase.

Across the stage, Kousaku had been staring in shock and his sudden salvation. Only coming to his senses as Ranma ran behind the curtain, turned, and pointed up to Akane to remind the other boy.

"Oh, right!" Kousaku blurted, before turning to climb of the vine decorated rope ladder dangling from the balcony.

"Oh Romeo," Akane said softly as he reached the top.

"Juliet, thou...thou art as radiant as the sun," Kousaku said, trying to piece together functional lines from the play. "Would ... wouldst thou accept mine oath of love?"

"Romeo, Do not swear at all; Or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self, Which is the god of my idolatry; And I'll believe thee."

"Kiss her!" an audience member shouted.

"Th-there's no kiss in this scene!" Akane shouted, Kousaku giving a similar (but quieter) protest.

"Boo! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" the audience cheered.

"What do we do?" Kousaku whispered.

"I guess I can fake it for the play. Put your hand on my cheek, place your thumb over my lip, and kiss that," Akane answered in her own sharp whisper. "It's how the pros do it. Well, that or tape, but I didn't bring any. Just make sure no one sees."

Kousaku nodded. "Oh, sweet Juliet, let this pilgrim find shelter on you warm and rosy lips."

He did as told, sliding his hand to her cheek and moving his body just enough to block the view of his thumb covering her lip. Still nervous, he moved forward, trying to give Akane the most innocent and pathetic expression he could manage.

The crowd, for their part went wild, convinced it was a real kiss.

"Good work you guys," Ranma cheered as Kousaku and Akane stepped off stage. "From the cheering, I think you might win the competition."

"Heh... yeah. If you excuse me, I'm going to go ask Nabiki to fake my death so Kuno doesn't murder me, thinking I really kissed Akane," Kousaku muttered as he wandered off.

As the lights came on, Ranma sat in the middle of the stage, covered in stage chains and his mouth gagged. Standing haughtily above him was Kaori in her Maleficent costume, Shiina was to her side in a green and black tunic, while a number of other actors stood around in haphazard 'goblin' armour.

"Ohoho, what's wrong prince? Aren't you happy with your destiny? You get to be your true love's hero, waking her from an accursed slumber," Kaori gestured and a curtain raised, showing a blonde Hibari apparently sleeping peacefully. "That's right, the peasant girl you fell for and the princess to whom you were betrothed as a boy were one an the same. And you'll be the one to wake her... in a hundred years!"

As Kaori laughed, two of the 'goblins' rushed forward and placed a fake grey beard and long ragged grey wig onto Ranma.

"A little something to help you get into the mindset," Kaori said, taking a pause to laugh. "Won't the princess be thrilled by the sight of her true love, looking so dashing after a hundred years in the dungeon? You'll certainly be trim."

With that, Kaori sauntered off stage, as the 'goblins' danced around poking Ranma with prop spears. Shiina to the side, doing his best to seem in charge, his height certainly helping.

"There's no way I'd wait a hundred years in these cheap chains," Ranma declared, pushing to stand.

The prop chains proved stronger than expected, and Ranma realised they were in fact not props. Gritting his teeth, he pushed harder, straining his muscles until the chains popped loose from their anchor points and then fell loose. The goblins stepped back nervously, and Shiina found himself sweating a little. He'd expected part one of the plan to hold Ranma a bit longer.

Ranma ripped off the wig and beard, before grabbing the spear from one of the nervous goblins. "Who's ready to fight me, hell spawn?"

The goblins screeched and dropped their weapons, fleeing off stage. Leaving Shiina to stand alone, his sword drawn.

"Heh, so you've still got fight left in you prince. Good thing the witch gave me a little magic potion to keep you behaving."

"Magic potion?" Ranma asked, glancing over to see if Hibari could explain this.

Shiina smirked and produced a water pistol. "One splash of this and you won't be a prince anymore, pal. Can't wake the princess up then."

For a moment Ranma wanted to laugh and ignore the threat. Then he remembered Akane was in the audience, and how he and Hibari had agreed the secret needed to be brought up in a controlled manner. Suddenly things were a little more complicated.

"You'll have to hit me for it to work," Ranma replied, charing in with his spear, hoping to knock the water pistol out of Shiina's hand.

The tall boxer dodged aside, thankful for the speed that training with Kuno had given him. He responded with a spray of water, which Ranma side stepped. The pigtailed teen used the momentum to twirl in an efficient circle and bring the prop spear swinging at Shiina with alarming speed. The boxer yelped and stumbled back, attempting another spray of water. Due to momentum, Ranma nearly stumbled into that one. It was only some last second arm flailing that held him back out of the spray.

"I wanna see what the potion does!" an audience member called out.

"Is it acid? The prince looks pretty scared."

"I ain't scared!" Ranma shouted. "J-just a little concerned. I... I got a princess ta save and can't take any risks for her sake!"

"Will it turn you into a frog?"

"How would they do that on stage?"

"Be quiet and watch!" Ranma shouted, before realising Shiina was taking another shot.

The pigtailed teen smirked, easily dodging this time from a subtle ready stance. This was followed by a graceful leap, landing briefly on Shiina's outstretched arm, to make him drop the water pistol, before bounding onto the boxer's head.

"Still gonna try an' fight me, dark night?" Ranma asked, sitting on the balls of his feet and pushing into Shiina's scalp with all his weight.

"It's knight! And I'm not going to let you kiss her in front of all these people!" Shiina shouted, swinging his prop sword at Ranma.

Ranma gave a smirk and leapt back ever so slightly. As he was dropping to behind the taller boy, he gave a double kick into Shiina's back, sending the lanky boxer stumbling forward offstage.

"Now ta wake the princess," Ranma announced, turning and heading towards Hibari.

"I think not, prince," Kaori announced, walking on stage with a rope attached to something above in her hand.

"More magic potions, witch-y face?" Ranma asked.

"It's the most effective option," the aubrun haired girl replied. "So, are you going to back down and let the snotty princess sleep or-Gyah!"

Koari's shout was due to Ranma chucking the prop spear at her. She ducked the best she could, but it proved close enough to remove her hat. Unfortunately for Ranma, Kaori did not let go of the rope as she ducked, and the pull initiated a veritable Rube Goldberg machine of buckets and pulleys above.

Ranma began to dodge, let out surprised gasps at the truly chaotic rush of water, like some sort of backwards game of whack-a-mole. Still it wasn't enough to really threaten him... and then he saw the bucket begin to pour above where Hibari was 'sleeping'. Not wanting to have her dress and wig ruined by the water, Ranma leapt over, grabbed his fiancée, and leapt back before the water splashed down.

The audience cheered for once.

"N-now ta wake her with true l-love's first kiss," Ranma mumbled, looking down at Hibari in his arms.

"Yes! Another kiss!" the crowd cheered.

Ranma looked up at them, finally noticing just how overflowing the auditorium was. Kissing in front of all those people.

"What's wrong?" Hibari whispered.

"There's like three hundred people watchin'... I got a little stage fright," Ranma whispered back. "Y'know I prefer a more private settin' fer romance."

"Just get close, I can take the lead."

Ranma swallowed nervously, glancing up at the crowd once more. Then he shut his eyes and went forward. As he felt Hibari's soft breath on his lips he froze up again, but apparently that was close enough for Hibari. He felt her lips on his, then suddenly her arms around his neck.

In the play the kiss broke a spell on the princess, but in reality, as Hibari broke the kiss, Ranma felt like the spell had been lifted from him instead. The part time boy looked down at Hibari, smiled, and went in for a second, more passionate, kiss.

Needless to say, the crowd was loving it.

"Great work Hibari!" Akane called out as Hibari and Ranma stepped off stage. "I think you guys won. That was certainly quite the kissing. Acting can't compare to an actual couple."

"Kaori and Shiina managed to mess things up less than we'd worried," Ranma said as the pair approached.

"We should go out for something... I'd say drinks, but I think Ranma's a little too baby-faced to get in a bar," Hibari added.

"Hey! I ain't that baby faced."

"We could go get burgers," Akane offered, used to Hibari's unique views on legality by this point. "Let's go find Ran and head off."

"Er, I..." Ranma stuttered, turning to Hibari hoping for help.

"It might be a little hard to find her right now. I'm sure we can get her to join us at the burger place though," Hibari offred. They just had to get Akane someone a bit quieter so they could discuss the issue with the delicacy it required.

"If you need aid, I shall give mine humble assistance, as apology for growing distracted and missing your kiss, beauteous Akane," Kuno announced, strolling up to the group.

"Er, Kuno, you really don't have to," Akane replied, hoping she could lose him quickly.

"Nay, I must give recompense. I need only ask one question: what does this 'Ran' look like? Perhaps-"

It was then that Hibari noticed the wannabe samurai was holding a plastic water bottle in one hand. At that point everything seemed to crawl to slow motion. As he'd spoken he'd squeezed the bottle, and now the water was splashing out towards Ranma. As it was coming from behind, Ranma wasn't aware until anything was wrong until the look of fright on Hibari's face. And then the water hit. All the instant redhead could do was was lift a hand to bury her face into out of annoyance.

"-like so?" Kuno said, finishing his sentence.

Akane stared at Ranma in shock. "I... Ran? But that was... and you're... Why were you dressed up as your brother? And... and kissing Hibari?"

Ranma sighed. "I don't have a brother. I'm an only child."

Akane's confusion only grew. "Th-then... why do you pretend to be a boy? And how do you manage to look that much taller?"

"It's kind of complicated," Hibari said, trying to improvise up an excuse that would buy them the necessary time to take the conversation delicately. "You see, she-"

"Hibari, it's too late," Ranma said. "We just gotta do it now, like pullin' off a bandage. Akane, I was born a guy. When I was in China I picked up this curse that turns me inta a girl with cold water."

"Y-y-you're a guy!?" Akane shouted, catching the attention of everyone in the backstage area. "I... I trusted you! I nearly took a bath with you! That's why you liked grappling practice so much, wasn't it!?"

"Wait, what? What's grapplin' gotta do with how I was born?" Ranma asked, looking to Hibari in confusion.

"Physical proximity," Hibari replied flatly. This was all falling apart...

"And you! You knew! You just let me make a fool of myself. I thought we were friends," Akane shouted, now struggling to hold back tears. "But I was just the butt of some weird joke between you two."

"It ain't a joke. I wanted ta try livin' as a girl, at least part time," Ranma said, subconsciously moving in front of Hibari to protect the taller girl.

"Living as a girl part time? What the heck does that mean? You're a boy or you're a girl! That's just how the world works!" Akane shot back.

"I thought you'd be a bit more understanding, all things considered," Hibari countered.

"All things...What? That I used to be a tomboy? That's totally different from being some kind of... some kind of sex swapping freak!" Akane hissed, tears now rolling down her cheeks as she turned and ran.

"Freak?" Hibari muttered, watching Akane run. Her eye twitched slightly, as she decided that maybe it wasn't that big of a loss then.

"Ah, the innocent heart of a maiden, so easily shattered. Yet... 'twas better it happen now than later," Kuno said, smirking confidently to himself. "I could not stand back casually and watch thine perverse game around my love."

"Pretty soon ya won't be able ta stand period," Ranma said coldly, a dark aura forming around her. Suddenly the redhead spun. "Tenshin Amaguriken!"

The barrage of dozens of punches slammed into Kuno's stomach in the space of a second, causing the kendoist to double over in pain. This lead to a roundhouse kick to the face that sent him stumbling onto the floor.

Still seething with rage, Ranma moved to pounce her foe, when a hand grabbed her arm and stopped her.

"It's not worth it, Ranma," Hibari said softly. "Let's just cut our losses and leave."

Kousaku was walking back to his room with a glass of orange juice in hand when he heard crying. It was coming from Akane's room. He was a little confused, as he'd expected her to head out for an after party (unlike his own hiding from Kuno strategy), and decided to go see what was going on.

Kousaku softly knocked on her door. "Are you okay?"

He heard Akane stomp over to the door and began to worry about his safety. However, her face was covered in tears and run makeup while her expression was clearly more sorrow than anger.

"She was a boy. I thought her and Hibari were my friends, but it was all some game. I bet they wanted to see how long it would take me to clue in. The probably laughed every time they left that I still hadn't realised it."

"Wh-who was a boy?" Kousaku asked, trying to ignore the obvious answer.

"Ran," Akane said softly as she turned away. "She was Ranma."

Kousaku dropped his glass and took on a thousand metre stare. "Ran was a boy. I asked a guy out on a date..."