Chapter 62: A Relaxing Date

Ranma glared over at the boy across from her. Itagaki Daisuke was shorter than she was, which was something she wasn't used to (as a girl). What was really getting to her, though, was the way the boy had ordered a chocolate parfait for himself when they'd arrived at the ice cream parlour. The waitress hadn't said anything. Nor had Kousaku. Or anyone else.

Were guys really allowed to have parfaits all this time? And her father had just lied to her?

She should say something.

But Kousaku and Itagaki were constantly talking. There was no good way to get into the conversation. Sure, she could just interrupt, but she was trying to seem like Kousaku's girlfriend. He probably wouldn't date that pushy of a girl, right? He seemed like the type to like delicate girls...

"Saotome-chan?" Itagaki asked.

But that was definitely the end of whatever he was saying.

Ranma blinked. "Huh? Ya? Wut?"

"I asked: 'whaddya like 'bout Kousaku, Saotome-kun?'," the short boy said.

"Oh. Uhhh..." Ranma began, her eyes glancing to the boy in question.

What did he have going for him?

"His country charm is cute? And, um... he's nice?"

Why was Kousaku giving her that face? She was trying, darn it! She didn't expect to have a question like that sprung on her.

"He's... 'nice'?" Itagaki replied, staring at her with raised eyebrows.

"Umm... I'm bad at this sorta stuff," Ranma muttered. "He's bulkin' up nicely, though. I can say that much. His Kyushu accent is pretty cute, too. Always thought those sounded real masculine."

"Really?" Itagaki asked, leaning across the table.

"Ain't you datin' Setsu?" Kousaku replied, leaning forward himself and sliding an arm between Ranma and Daisuke.

Ranma picked up her own parfait, to prevent it being knocked about. There was still a little ice cream left at the bottom of this one.

"I... well, that doesn't mean I can't like compliments from a cute girl," the short boy countered, crossing his arms in a huff. "I still ain't convinced you two are actu'lly a couple."

"Well, we are," Kousaku replied. "Right... sweetie?"

"Hrm?" Ranma asked, her mouth full of the last remnants of her parfait. "Mhrm! Mhrm!"

"She's very food motivated," Daisuke said, glancing at Kousaku.

"I mean, yeah. But she's gorgeous. She's worth the cost of the food," Kousaku replied, still assertively holding himself half over the table.

"Does that mean we can go to Hibiya Park? I heard there's a crepe vendor there from some girls at school, and I wanna try one," Ranma said.

Kousaku lost his grip on the table, slipping from his perched position to sprawl over Ranma's lap.

"You just finished your parfait!" he said, still sprawled across her lap while gesturing at the empty glass in her hands.

"I burn a lotta calories with kenpo," Ranma replied.

She wondered why Itagaki was blushing so much.

Hibari held on to Shampoo for dear life as they zipped through Toshima-ku, swerving around cars as they went. She was fairly certain Shampoo would have fit in on a highway at these speeds, and wondered how in the world the other girl could peddle so fast.

"I would roof hop as a shortcut, but that would maybe not be so pleasant while you are still on your period. Lots of bouncing," Shampoo shouted over her shoulder.

"Appreciated," Hibari replied, ignoring the lurching feeling that hit her as they rounded a corner.

A police siren began to ring behind them. Hibari wasn't concerned about that. Shampoo had already lost two other cop cars thus far.

Ranma had her crepe. She'd bought a simple one. Just bananas, strawberry, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce. Her eyes had kept glancing at the more expensive options, but then Kousaku had kept glancing at his wallet, and she'd gotten the picture. Still, even this basic crepe was tasty.

"Looks like a good park fer a couple a' love birds like you too," Daisuke said as the trio walked along.

"How so?" Kousaku asked.

The short boy gestured down a nearby path.

"Ohhh..." Kousaku said, palling a little.

Ranma decided to turn as well, taking a break from her crepe to see what had shocked Kousaku so. She saw there were lots of couples. Kissing couples.

She joined Kousaku in going pale.

"You two gonna kiss to prove yer love, then?" Daisuke asked.

"I've got a crepe t' finish," Ranma replied sharply.

"Yer half done already," Itagaki countered.

"I'm startin' t' get a little full, though. The second half'll take longer," Ranma replied.

"Y-yeah. An' then she'll have banana breath," Kousaku added.

Both Ranma and Daisuke stared at him for that one.

"I... I'm not a fan of bananas?" Kousaku offered.

"News t'me. Yer childhood best friend," Daisuke replied.

"I am a man a' many hidden depths," Kousaku said, crossing his arms with a huff.

Ranma buried her face in her free palm. At least the embarrassment offered a good cover for why she wasn't eating.

So, it turned out that Shampoo's idea of taking a shortcut through Chiyoda-cho, effectively through the grounds of the Imperial Palace was not exactly what one would call a good idea. She wasn't sure if the path was generally private, for pedestrians only, or had a speed limit of less than 60km/h, but the fact that she'd broken between one and three of those rules meant she'd been having to dodge police as she tried to get through the obnoxiously large Imperial estate.

She took a hard left as she realised the gate ahead of her was closed. She was trying to keep this ride gentle for her poor girlfriend, but these obnoxious men just did not understand.

After a bit more swerving and some doubling back she spotted a gate that hadn't closed quite yet. Pushing to her maximum speed, she slipped through and, calling out 'sorry' to Hibari, she hopped the small outer fence just past it.

Hibari's grip tightened a bit as they landed, but not by much. So Shampoo assumed the landing hadn't been too bad.

The truth was that Hibari wasn't sure if there was any way to hold on tighter than she was already doing. Her mind was filled with the conviction she and Shampoo were going to be deported for crimes against the Imperial Family after that little joyride.

"Which way should we turn now?" Shampoo asked, while dodging more guards and police.

"Just go! Any direction but left," Hibari replied.

Unfortunately, due to the various yelling guards, some of whom had megaphones, Shampoo did not quite hear the whole reply. As such she swerved left, using an embankment as a ramp to get around a final gatehouse. Landing with a thump, she looked out at a swarm of police cars, lights flashing. Due to the rough landing, she'd lost inertia, and was left skidding to a halt, staring in confusion.

"I said not left!" Hibari shouted.

"How are there so many police so fast?" Shampoo asked.

"Because that building," Hibari said, pointing a finger at the triangular building just to their left, "is the Metropolitan Police Department's headquarters."

"Oh," Shampoo said.

"We're doomed," Hibari muttered.

"Nah, I have one trick left," Shampoo said, pointing the handlebars towards the canal beside them.

Just as a few of the police at the front of the blockade of police began to move cautiously forward, realising the two suspects were unarmed, Shampoo shot off towards the water. By the time they hit the moat the tires were spinning fast enough to push off the surface tension of the water, letting the pair zip along the surface with a wake behind them.

They managed to make it a few hundred metres before the collected swarm of police overcame their schock and began to give chase, sirens blaring.

"What's all that racket?" Ranma asked, pausing just as she and Kousaku approached a bench.

"I don't know. Maybe we should investigate?" Kousaku offered.

"Quit stallin'. You two are kissing to prove your love, darn it!" Daisuke hissed, pushing Kousaku over and forcing him to sit on the bench.

"You bein' all pushy really ruins the romantic mood," Ranma protested.

"It's just a kiss. If ya've been datin' a while it should be nothin'!" Daisuke countered.

Ranma let out a sigh, but sat beside Kousaku. He glanced at her lips, before a shiver ran down his back.

"Can we at least have a little space?" Kousaku asked, turning to Daisuke.

The short boy shrugged his arms in annoyance. "Alright, fine. Whatever."

After Daisuke headed across the path, to lean against a tree and stare at them, Kousaku turned back to Ranma.

"Since yer in girl mode right now, this isn't... y'know? Right?" he whispered.

"Isn't what?" Ranma whispered back.

"...gay?"

Ranma let out a long and tired sigh, before hissing her sharp (but quiet) reply. "I have two girlfriends even when I'm a girl. One of those girlfriends turns into a boy. I've had a crush on a boy who's totally a boy. Gay ain't scary, alright, Sakamoto?"

"Uh... oh. Okay," Kousaku muttered.

"There's a metro entrance over there!" Hibari shouted. "We can lose them down there."

Shampoo nodded, swerving as every police car in Chiyoda-ku chased after them. She pulled into a skidding halt, Hibari hopping off the bike and running down the stairs before the bike had stopped. Shampoo picked the bike up with one hand and slid down the handrail. Reaching the fare gates the pair hopped over, to the protest of the few people present, both staff and the general public.

"Waiting for the next train seems too slow," Shampoo said, running past an angry attendant and down the stairs.

"We won't. The Chiyoda Line runs on overhead power," Hibari said, pointing up at what looked to Shampoo like a rail running along the ceiling as they arrived at the platform level. "So we're safe to bike along the tunnel as long as we can stay ahead of the trains."

Shampoo nodded. "Come on then, let us go."

Hibari hopped back on the back of the bike as various people on the platform stared in confusion. There were several frightened gasps as they hopped down onto the rails and took off down into the tunnel.

"Maybe I should chew some gum, so I don't have banana breath?" Ranma offered.

Kousaku nodded. "That would-"

"JUST KISS ALREADY!" Daisuke shouted from across the path.

"Oh, uh... I mean, I guess," Ranma muttered, turning back to Kousaku.

Kisses were supposed to be important. Only shared with someone you loved. How was she supposed to just give Kousaku one?

She took a deep breath. She'd just have to apologise to Hibari and Shampoo later. She turned, slowly moving towards Kousaku's lips with her own, her eyes closed as she pretended she'd be kissing Shui.

"Wait, is that Lum?" Kousaku shouted.

Ranma spun around to look where he was pointing, before blinking to herself. She turned back to Kousaku, now judging him even worse than before.

"Lum? That's your go to celebrity distraction?" Ranma asked.

"I-uh... it was the first name that popped into my head," Kousaku muttered, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"I can't believe I actually looked," Daisuke groaned. "Quit with pretendin' one a' Takahashi Rumiko's babes are going to interrupt ya and just kiss her already!"

"Ok, ok," Kousaku muttered, turning back to Ranma. He could do this. Ranma was a girl. It wasn't really ga-

"AIREN!" a voice shouted, before Kousaku found himself tackled with the force of a truck moving at highway speeds, being completely launched off the bench.

As he regained his senses, he realised Shampoo was grasped onto him.

"What is airen doing with that hussy again?" Shampoo asked. "You are Shampoo's boyfriend. You promised not to kiss her."

Kousaku blinked... What was going on?

"Let go of him, you bimbo!" another girl shouted. Hibari. "He's mine!"

"Aiyah! Oozora! How you get here so fast?" Shampoo asked, playing up her accent.

"Unlike you, I know this city like the back of my hand. Even with the false directions you gave, I was able to track down this farce of a date as soon as I realised you were trying to trick me," Hibari declared.

Ranma's attention whipped back and forth between both her fiancees, confused. Was she going crazy or were they... Hibari winked at her. A glance at Shampoo got another wink.

Oh.

"You two homewreckers!" Ranma shouted, hopping to her feet. "You just can't handle that he was finally going to choose me!"

"Pheh, if he was really going to choose you he'd have kissed you already!" Hibari countered. "Clearly he still hasn't made up his mind."

"Airen is very indecisive, but Shampoo can take the lead fine," the Chinese girl said, rubbing her face against Kousaku's chest.

The tanned boy was still utterly lost, but very overwhelmed by the softness of Shampoo against him. That and fearful of her muscles if he did anything to upset her. Staying frozen in shock therefore felt like the most efficient response.

"What's going on!?" Daisuke shouted.

"These two are homewreckers, like I said?" Ranma replied.

"He promised to marry me when we met that fateful summer," Hibari said, placing her hands on her heart and closing her eyes.

"He gave traditional marriage proposal of a pumpkin to Shampoo last engagement day. That takes precedence over any previous proposals."

"Kou-chan is going to marry me. It's a three generation old promise between our families," Ranma countered.

Shampoo hopped to her feet, marching over to poke an accusatory finger at Ranma as she shouted a silly counterargument. Ranma let out an overly dramatic protest to that. Hibari stepped forward with an even more over the top proclamation of fated love. The trio kept bouncing absurd claims between them as the two boys stared on in confusion.

"S-so ya got yerself three girlfriends?" Daisuke asked, glancing to the still prone Kousaku.

The boy stared at the trio a moment longer before turning to Daisuke. "Uh... yes. Well, er, it's, um, obviously it's complicated. I'm not really allow ta-"

"This is all very cute, and it's nice to see the girls are such good friends of yours, but we can drop the games," a cool voice said.

Kousaku scrambled to his feet, staring in fear at Nabiki. Had he missed a blackmail payment of some sort? What had he done to make her show up? Why was she going to ruin everything?

Was that a genuine smile on her face?

Oh gods. He was dead.

Nabiki walked over to him, the eyes of the three girls (who were frozen in a tableau of pulling at each other's clothes) and Daisuke were all locked on her. Nabiki took Kousaku's hands into her own. She then leaned in and kissed him. A quick peck on the lips, but enough to get gasps from the audience.

"He and I are dating. I just got upset when I heard about the 'getting a girlfriend' bet, and maybe said I was dumping him," Nabiki explained to Daisuke. "So Ranma and the others decided to try to help cover for him. But... I forgive him. So the act can end."

Kousaku stared at her, confused, but relieved. His brain, overwhelmed by everything, determined the only logical course of action was to faint. He had a smile on his face, though.

"Ok. That I believe," Daisuke replied.

"Wait, you didn't believe us?" Hibari asked, still holding her grip on Shampoo's shirt.

"Three beautiful girls fightin' over a dork like Kousaku? Dis ain't Kimagure Orange Road. She's already outta his league," Itagaki said, pointing a thumb to Nabiki. "But I can tell she knows it and uses it to make him grovel. So it makes a bit a' sense."

"That's fair," Ranma replied.

"I am curious why you three were so willin' ta help, though," the short boy asked.

"Kousaku an' I are friends, and these two are my girlfriends who didn't want me kissin' some guy," Ranma replied.

"... Girlfriends as in, uh, platonic, or..." Itagaki asked.

Shampoo and Hibari leaned in to kiss Ranma's cheeks.

"Romantic," the trio said.

"Oh... I'm glad I ain't on the market in Tokyo, den, if guys here have ta compete with lesbians as gorgeous as you three," Itagaki said.

"It's quite difficult," a boy said, emerging from the bushes.

"I gave up a while ago," another boy replied.

Kousaku blinked himself back awake, the shock of the two new arrivals managing to wake him up. "Hiroshi? Daisuke? When did you two get here?"

"I was here the whole time?" Itagaki replied.

"Not you, me," the other Daisuke said.

"They've been followin' us since Tokyo Station," Ranma replied. "I guess they're jealous friends."

"Mhm. I wanted to know about this other Daisuke you knew," Daisuke said.

"Wait, ya replaced me with a new Daisuke?" Daisuke added.

"This is going to give me a headache," Kousaku groaned.

The rest of Itagaki Daisuke's visit was peaceful enough. The Wakaba trio left for ice cream soon after Nabiki arrived. Hiroshi and Daisuke were firmly terrified of Nabiki and beat a quick retreat. Itagaki Daisuke had the actual reason he was visiting Tokyo to deal with after a short bit of general catching up, and hurried off on his subway to visit his aunt in Edogawa-ku.

This left Kousaku and Nabiki alone on the subway back to Furinkan. Kousaku sat in nervous silence.

"You're cute, you've got muscles, and you know how to listen to orders," Nabiki said. "You could do with beefing up a bit more, but you're acceptable as a boyfriend."

"So what was the bit about charging for the date before?" Kousaku asked.

"I made an honest mistake. It's rare, but I'm not a god. I can make errors. I thought Akane had a crush on you, but was being stubborn and needed a little prompting. Turns out she didn't," Nabiki explained.

He nodded.

"So... what do you want me to do now that we're dating?" Kousaku asked.

"What you normally do when you're around me, mostly. Just more carrying stuff and fetching stuff, since you'll be around me more. Oh, and work on bulking up a little. Especially around the glutes," Nabiki replied with a grin.

Kousaku blushed, but nodded.

The police reviewed the tapes again, but they didn't make any sense. The person pedaling the bicycle (through the tunnels of the Chiyoda line) switched from female to male and back again at each station.

"The tapes were tampered with... they're useless," the chief inspector groaned, massaging the bridge of his nose.

"It's a good thing the Emperor was visiting Kyoto today, but... heads are going to roll, aren't they?" the detective to his left asked.

"Probably..." the chief inspector muttered.

Well, he had been with the force long enough to get a good pension. He should probably step up to take the blame.

Akane ran through her last kata of the evening as Nabiki watched quietly. She made no effort to speed up the process for her sister's sake. Nabiki was patient. She could wait.

Akane reached the end and bowed to the front of the dojo. She then turned to her sister.

"Yes?"

"I said I wanted to know more about those two things you said," Nabiki replied. "So let's start with what seems the simpler part: you said Kousaku isn't your type. That seems to imply you know what your type is."

Akane shrugged. "Pretty simple. Too many guys see girls as a potential 'conquest', to sleep with and then dump like litter. Or as divine goddesses to be kept on a pedestal and worshipped, that aren't allowed to be merely human. Or a disturbing mixture of both... Kousaku definitely seems like the pedestal type."

Nabiki nodded. "Being worshipped sounds nice to me."

"That's for you, then. But what I want is to be seen as a person. I have flaws and I have dreams, and I'm going to make mistakes," Akane said, grabbing her water bottle.

"That's it?" Nabiki asked, as Akane took a drink. "Nothing about physical appearance or anything?"

Akane coughed on the last bit of her water. "Pardon?"

"We're talking hypotheticals. Surely there's a bit more you'd like from your ideal guy?"

"I... well, sure. But it's not really important," Akane said, wiping some sweat off with her towel.

"Indulge me. Maybe I can go hunting for your perfect guy. Even if point number one might be tricky."

"Er, well... I'd like him to be athletic. Probably a martial artist? Someone who can go jogging with me and the like. And... Medium-well, for a guy, long hair, I guess? Doesn't need to be super long, but at least shoulder length sounds nice. Hmm... gentle features, I think? A soft smile. Not fully bishonen, but on that softer end. Then... I guess I like darker hair?" Akane said. "... is that enough?"

"Mhm. I could work with that... though, if you want to go after Saotome you'll have to negotiate with Hibari and Shampoo," Nabiki replied with a smirk.

"What."

"You totally described Ranma?"

"No I didn't? I described Dr. Tofu with dark-" Akane clasped a hand over her mouth as her cheeks went red.

"Akane. Sis. I knew about your crush on Tofu. Kasumi knows about it. Heck, dad knows about it, and he doesn't know anything," Nabiki replied. "We all thought it was very cute, like any crush on a sensei."

Akane muttered something she wasn't even sure the meaning of in reply, before finally getting something audible out. "I also forget that Ranma can be a boy most of the time. So, no. She's not what I was thinking of..."

Nabiki nodded. She was still pretty sure that Ranma was the best fit she'd seen, but there was another question to ask.

"What about saying that Kousaku thinks you're something you're not?"

Akane blushed once again, sitting down and seeming to try to shrink into herself. "I, well... I'm not totally sure if I'm a girl or not?"

Nabiki blinked. "You're thinking of going team boy? After hating boys for so long?"

"I... well, not quite. I've been talking with... well, a couple of people. Ranma is both. Someone else I know doesn't really care and is living as a guy because sexism is a hassle to work around. And... and... I don't know. I don't like the box I felt forced in to try to make people think I was a girl for so long. But I don't know if that means I want to be a boy. Maybe, if Ranma can be both, I can be neither? Or... or maybe I'm just annoyed with sexist stereotypes and overthinking things. I don't know. But, I... I want to see how it feels to stop trying to be a girl? And just... just try to be me instead?"

Akane stared up at her sister, and saw only an unreadable expressions. She was beginning to worry that she'd gone a bridge too far. That Nabiki was going to call her a freak. Suddenly her mind shot back to her own reaction to finding out about Ranma and she was hit with a wave of nausea about her reaction then.

She was a hypocrite, wasn't she?

"Technically the winter gym tracksuits are unisex and part of the school approved clothing list," Nabiki said, breaking the silence. "You could go to class in one of those and not get in trouble."

Akane blinked. "I... I guess that's true. Th-thank you."

"No worries. You're family, however you decide to live," Nabiki said.

She'd seen how things were between Hibari and Tsubame. She had no interest in turning her relationship with Akane into anything close to that.

Plus, she kind of liked the idea of seeing how everyone was going to react.