Chapter 64: The Phantom Thief
Principal Kuno was going over his plans for tomorrow's mandatory canoeing practice (Polynesian style, of course) when there was a knock on his door.
"Come in," he called out, in English.
The door opened, and, to his surprise, instead of a staff member a student strolled in. The brunette moved like she owned the place, which both impressed and annoyed him.
"How can I help you, young miss?" he asked.
"The name is Tendo Nabiki, and I'm here to offer you a deal," the girl said.
He smiled, it growing into an ear to ear grin and then into an open laugh. He kept the laugh going long enough to be obnoxious. He wanted to remind this cocky little student who was in charge here.
"I appreciate your confidence, girly, but I'm not sure what you can negotiate with," he replied.
"My information network could help you maintain order and catch rule breakers, Jimmy-kun," the girl replied.
Principal Kuno blinked. He hoped his sunglasses had hidden that, but…
"How did you…?"
"Like I said, I have sources," Nabiki said, a smug grin akin to a victorious cat spreading across her lips. "I know everything that the students do, and most of what the staff get up to as well."
"What do you want on your end?" the Principal asked, hating that he was actually doing this.
"Freedom from your… extracurricular activities," the girl replied. "In exchange I'll let you know of any major cheating or similarly troublesome student activities."
He scratched his chin, before nodding. "Sure. Yeah. You and your sister were the biggest headaches last time. I accept."
"Thank you, Principal Jimmy!" Nabiki said, waving before slipping off into the hallway.
Kousaku was waiting for her, dutifully carrying her bag. He'd been a very obedient boyfriend so far, trying to bulk up with bigger weights and generally listening to her orders. Maybe it wasn't the healthiest dynamic, if you were to ask your average couples counselor, but he seemed to consider her affection worth it.
For instance, he turned into a blushing mess as she gave him a kiss on the cheek and thanked him for waiting.
"N-no worries, Nabi-chan," Kousaku said.
The pair started walking towards the exit, but Nabiki could tell Kousaku had something on his mind.
"Yen for your thoughts?" she asked as she pulled out her shoes.
"I was just wondering, with the given name 'Jimmy' does it end up being Western order, making him Jimmy Kuno?" Kousaku asked.
Nabiki took a moment to process that, staring at him as she did. "… no?"
Kousaku nodded. "Oh. Ok. I wasn't sure. People didn't really use western names in my hometown. I guess that's more common here?"
"Fair. Fair," Nabiki said.
They walked home quietly, Nabiki's mind busy with her plans for the evening. There wasn't much interesting gossip in the air, so she was letting her friends(/underlings) deal with the day's business. Instead she'd focus on homework, and then catch a few shows.
Well, she got her math homework done, but then Hibari and Ranma showed up. Ranma was in guy mode and wanted to spar with Kousaku a bit, while Hibari invited herself into Nabiki's room. Nabiki was a bit annoyed to find out the younger girl just wanted to chat about fashion and boys. And girls.
Nabiki generally gave the minimum she could get away with, one to keep her cards close to her chest and her poker face up. Hibari did seem to be starting to get the hint that Nabiki considered her a business partner more than a friend when there was a scream from the dojo. Kousaku's scream.
Nabiki hurried to the stairs, reasoning that a girlfriend should show at least some concern when she heard her boyfriend scream, even if she was sure Ranma wouldn't have seriously hurt him. Hibari made it to the dojo well before Nabiki (having taken the direct route out Nabiki's window), but still seemed as confused about what was before them as Nabiki felt. Kousaku was lying on the ground outside the dojo, having been thrown through a wall. Meanwhile, Akane was standing at the hole in the wall repeating incomprehensible rapid apologies to the unconscious boy.
"Akane, if you broke my boyfriend you owe me a new one," Nabiki said as Kousaku started to groan and sit up.
"What happened?" Hibari asked, turning to Ranma, who was standing beside Akane and looking rather unperturbed by everything.
"Akane here was wanting to spar with us. For gender reasons. But, uh, still has boobs," Ranma replied, making an unnecessary hand gesture to reinforce the last point, "and didn't like Kousaku's pin attempt resulting in his hand touching one of 'em."
"It was an accident!" Kousaku blurted, face beet red.
"IknowIknowIknow," Akane replied, just as red. "It was just instinct. I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry."
Nabiki pinched the bridge of her nose. "Akane, maybe stick to sparring with Ranma for now? If you're trying to push your gender norms?"
"I thought it might be like swimming, and you'd have to jump in the deep end to avoid drowning," Akane replied.
"What," Nabiki, Ranma, and Hibari replied in unison.
"You know? When you go swimming? If you don't jump in the deep end your body won't realise it needs to switch to water mode and when you breathe in the water you'll drown. Like the thing with frogs in hot water."
The un-concussed trio blinked and looked between each other, beginning to wonder if they hadn't just received a head injury similar to Kousaku's recent one.
"Little sibling," Nabiki said, pressing her hands together in a prayer gesture and pointing them to Akane, "No. Just… no."
"Yeah, you don't want to—" Hibari began, before the sound of a helicopter drew her attention.
Looking up, the assembled teens saw a large silver helicopter approaching. It passed over the Tendo home and stopped. The confusion of the teens increased when the door opened and a man began to descend on a rope. As he landed, Nabiki raised an eyebrow at the combination of an oversized red bow tie, white shirt, and blue suit.
"Huh, looks like we're getting a visit from Uncle Sam. Or… whatever the French equivalent is?" She muttered to herself, knowing she'd not be caught dead in such a tacky outfit.
"Is Sakamoto Kousaku here?" the pale man asked, shouting over the sound of the helicopter.
"Yes?" Kousaku replied, still visibly a bit out of it. "That's me?"
"Ah, good, good. Your uncle has sent me," the man announced.
"I have an uncle?" Kousaku asked.
The man nodded. "Indeed you do. Kaneda Kansuke! He's returned to Japan, and wants to reunite with his family."
"Kaneda… KANEDA KANSUKE!?" Nabiki shouted, swearing she could see an aura of yen signs floating around the butler. "The richest citizen of Japan?"
"The same," the butler replied simply.
"I have an uncle…" Kousaku muttered (barely audible over the sound of the helicopter).
"Please come with me," the butler said to Kousaku.
The short man, with a curled moustache and slicked down hair, stared at the four teens sitting on the couch across from him in the helicopter.
"Who are you three?" the man asked, pointing to the unexpected extra guests.
"Tendo Nabiki, Kousaku's girlfriend."
"Oozora Hibari, Nabiki's business partner."
"Saotome Ranma, Hibari's fiancé and bodyguard."
Kaneda Kansuke nodded, before turning to his butler. "And why did you let all of them on?"
"Tendo-san is very persuasive."
Kaneda nodded again, before turning back to Kousaku. "Well, all the same, it's good to see you, nephew!"
"Uhh… hi? I… I didn't know I had an uncle," Kousaku replied.
Kaneda nodded. "I suppose that's no surprise, your mother was quite young when I left for the States… and… it does break my heart to hear that she passed on while I was away."
"I'm sure she was sad she didn't get to see you again before the end," Kousaku replied with a weak smile.
A silence descended over the two of them. Kousaku had no idea what to say, and thinking about his mother still hurt.
"Ooh, we're going outside the city," Ranma said, looking out the window.
Hibari leaned across him to get her own view. "You're right! We're going out to the mountains."
Kaneda smiled. "Mhm. I rented a mansion in Nagano Prefecture. It's nice and secluded. A good place to relax with my nephew… and the tag-alongs, I suppose. Plenty of room for everyone! We should almost be there now."
Nabiki, curious about what sort of place they were going to stay, leaned over to a free window herself. She blinked at the size of the place, perched atop a hill and alone in the rolling foothills.
"That's certainly a mansion," she said, half wondering if it exceeded the meaning of the word with it's pure grandeur.
"Mhm. The locals call it the 'Sunset Mansion'. I suppose because the sunsets are beautiful from up on the hills," Kaneda said, still grinning away. "I was too excited to meet my nephew to listen to all the property manager's ramblings."
The teens remained similarly stunned as the helicopter landed, better giving a sense of the scale of the building. Nabiki was certain it was closer to a European estate or even a palace than a mansion. Walking up the steps, she was, however, concerned that the helicopter began taking off.
"It's rented by the hour. I didn't get rich by paying for assets I'm not using," Kaneda said with a chuckle.
Nabiki had to nod approvingly as the short man continued grinning. She could support that level of business acumen. The butler stepped forward, opening the door to let the teens in first. Kousaku made it the furthest, almost a metre and a half, when the sound of party crackers burst forth from both sides and the teens were showered in confetti and streamers. Enough of both to bury the four of them. After a moment they managed to dig their way back out, they were greeted by the sight of several women in swimsuits who called out a cheery 'Welcome young master Kousaku!'.
One of the women blinked, before adding: "And friends?"
"Seems my young nephew has a lovely and intelligent girlfriend," Kaneda said, climbing around the mountain of streamers.
"Aww… I was hoping to dig some gold," one of the young women muttered, crossing arms under an ample chest that emphasized her figure further.
"I… think we could find an opening in our relationship," Nabiki said, visibly enjoying the view.
"N-Nabiki!" Kousaku protested, face red.
"Ho-ho, quite the catch you got yourself there, Kousaku-ku—" Kaneda began, before an arrow hit him square in the forehead.
Kousaku's heart fell for a moment, convinced he'd lose his new family member before he even got to know him. Then he realised it was a suction cup tipped arrow with a note attached to it.
"Where did that come from?" Kousaku said, hopping to his feet and looking around.
"It was so fast, but… I think it came through that window!" one of the girls said.
"I'm pretty sure it was that one," Hibari countered, pointing to a window down the wall a little.
"Are you sure it didn't go through the door? That has to be the easiest shot?" Nabiki said.
Ranma hopped to his feet, a hand on his chin as he walked over to Kaneda's side (the short man making a cross eyed expression as he stared at the note tied to the arrow). Ranma leaned down, checking the various possible angles.
"Mhm. I would say that, of the three options, there's only one truth. Which is that the arrow came through that window, like Hibari said," Ranma declared, pointing dramatically. " 'cause it's got a tree outside it, and the butler's guardin' the door, so it's the only option."
"Got ourselves a real Sherlock for the Showa era here," Nabiki replied flatly. "Obviously there's 'only one truth'. How could you have two truths?"
"I dunno. Pops talks about the Theory of Relativity a lot," Ranma said with a shrug.
"That panda talks about theoretical physics?" Hibari asked.
"Yeah? I don't get it myself, but, 'pparently it's important for keepin' track a debts. Also something 'bout quantum uncertainty impactin' restaurant bills," Ranma explained.
"Ignoring that," Nabiki cut in, as she walked over to Kaneda and untied the note from the arrow (though leaving the arrow attached to Kaneda's head), she attempted to read it. Only to have to scrunch her face up in annoyance. "It think it's written in Morse Code? But… not Japanese."
The butler walked over, holding out a hand. Nabiki handed the note over.
The brightly dressed man read the note over. "Mhm. Yes. It's Morse Code. And in English."
"Obnoxious," Nabiki replied.
"It says, roughly: When the clock strikes for the first time and the last time, I shall take the thoughtful reptile from your collection. Sincerely, the Phantom Thief Mouse Kid," the Butler relayed.
"M-Mouse Kid!?" Kaneda asked, paling. "He's coming for one of my treasures?"
"Who? Mousse has a kid?" Ranma added.
"No. No. Mouse Kid," Hibari replied. "The Phantom Thief who's been taking US Media by storm! He's even done heists in France and Italy! His list of victims reads like a list of the richest people on Earth."
"Mhm. They say no security system can stop him. After twelve years in the business he's as sneaky as the rodent he's named after," Nabiki added.
"Twelve years in the business? I wonder how much longer he plans ta use the name 'Kid'," Ranma replied, growing deep in thought about that.
"He must be after the Thinking Crocodile!" Kaneda shouted, rushing off into the mansion.
The four teens and the butler hurried after him. Despite his short legs, Kaneda could move. When they finally caught him again, he was in a room filled with art and treasures. Nabiki found herself losing the ability to concentrate as she took in the sheer wealth that surrounded her. She was certain almost any piece in this room could set someone for life, and there were dozens of such pieces.
"It's kinda ugly," Ranma said, leaning in to look at the marble statue of a crocodile in a thinking pose that Kaneda was checking over.
"To you, perhaps!" Kaneda replied, crossing his arms. "As a mere philistine, you have no idea the difference between cheap junk and true art. I, however, have trained my eye to know this piece is worth tens of millions… but, yeah. It's ugly."
Hibari felt her eye twitch a little at the pointless reply. Ranma, however, was becoming incredibly pale as he thought about the risk of breaking anything in the room. Though, he also wondered about pocketing something small. There was so much stuff here, and, well he was Saotome Genma's child.
"Zero o'clock!" Kousaku announced, smacking his fist against his palm and making everyone else jump at the sudden noise. "Midnight. It's the first and last hour of the day. That must be when Mouse Kid is coming."
Kaneda nodded thoughtfully. "That makes—ow!"
The short man rubbed his forehead where the suction cup arrow had been attached, Nabiki having yanked it off.
"It was bothering me," she muttered, before turning to Kousaku. "I was thinking the same."
"That gives us… seven and a half hours to prepare," the butler said, checking his watch.
"Let's review the security system," Nabiki replied.
Soun looked out at the dinner table, and noticed there were just three of them right now.
"Um, Akane, do you know where Nabiki or Kousaku are?" he asked.
"Hmm?" Akane replied, before swallowing her sardine. "Oh, yeah. A helicopter came by to pick Kousaku up. Apparently he has an uncle that's loaded. Nabiki, Ranma, and Hibari left with him."
"Oh," Soun replied, nodding before returning to his meal.
He was halfway through chewing a mouthful of rice when he processed what Akane actually said. Forcing the mostly chewed rice down his throat and turning back to Akane. "What!?"
"I don't really have anything else to tell you. I figured Nabiki would have phoned by now with more details, but I guess the helicopter ride is longer than I expected," Akane replied.
"My little girl got on a random helicopter and no one told me!?' Soun asked, bursting into tears. "She's been kidnapped!"
"Don't worry, father. Between her, Ranma-kun, and Hibari-kun, I am certain they could either defeat, escape, or con anyone who tried to kidnap them," Kasumi replied.
Soun, however, was not convinced and continued wailing.
"So, you girls have proper clothes and stuff, right?" Ranma asked the still swimsuit clad girls, who were hard at work cleaning up the last of the confetti in the foyer.
"Mhm, yeah?" one said, pouring a dustpan out into a garbage can. "The change rooms are just on the other side of the mansion, and walking all the way over there and then coming back to clean seemed annoying."
"Ah, fair. Anyhow, with the whole 'Mouse Kid Heist' thing, the butler guy wants you all ready to go in the next half hour. Fewer people around to set off possible false alarms," Ranma replied.
"Hey! Dinner was supposed to be included," the girl who'd expressed interest in Kousaku earlier protested.
"Yeah! I'm starving! Let's go give that butler a piece of our mind!" another girl shouted.
"Maybe get dressed first, though," Ranma replied as a girl stormed past him.
She froze, before blushing. "True. True. Negotiating in a swimsuit is embarrassing."
"I'll finish cleaning. You girls fight for your right to food," Ranma said, fully supporting them.
The girls thanked him before running off. There wasn't much left to clean, so it didn't take long for Ranma to get the last little bit cleaned up. Nabiki walked in as he was carrying the garbage can back into a corner, and he called out to her.
"Shouldn't we be calling the police for help?" he asked.
Nabiki stared at him flatly. "Do you really think a rural prefecture like Nagano has police capable of capturing the Mouse Kid? He's escaped the FBI and Interpol… besides, Kousaku's uncle is Kaneda Kansuke. I want to impress him. Show him I'm worthy of getting in on the family fortune."
"I mean, I guess," Ranma muttered as Nabiki left. "I'd still bet the Nagano police are better equipped ta chase a phantom thief than four teenagers…"
Nabiki had left earshot before the final part, not that she'd have replied. She was hunting for a library. It didn't take too long to find it, and she was relieved to see it did indeed have newspapers. The first one was even splashed with a headline of Mouse Kid's latest heist, just what she was after. She wanted to know her enemy.
Finishing the first paper, she decided to hunt for another, to see what sort of other tricks Mouse Kid might be known to use. To her surprise, the next newspaper on the rack also had a Mouse Kid heist on the front page. As did the next one. And the one after that…
It was 11:30pm, and Kaneda Kansuke was back in the treasure room, the four teens assembled, as well as his butler. He noticed a large cage hanging from the ceiling above the Thinking Crocodile, and three tables tucked between pieces all around the statuette.
"So, what have you kids been up to?" he asked, whistling with admiration at the little set up.
"The cage is rigged to drop as soon as the remote control knives are told to cut the string," Hibari explained gesturing up at a series of toy cars and airplanes with knives tied to their wheels or propellers.
It did not look safe by any rational definition of the word.
"Each of us will hide under the tables set up around the room," Nabiki added, gesturing to the tables in question with tablecloths draped over them.
"Each table has its own remote control," Kousaku added. "So that as long as one of us can see what's happening we can stop Kid."
"Very thorough. Good work in the time limit, you kids," Kaneda replied, scratching his chin as he glanced up. "No way is Mouse Kid escaping this."
"It's almost twelve," Hibari said. "Last minute washroom runs, and then everyone get in position!"
Kousaku ran off, taking a couple of minutes to return. He slipped under a table with Nabiki, while Ranma and Hibari took the second, the butler and Kaneda under the third. Hibari made sure to check her watch, before taking advantage of the privacy to pepper Ranma with kisses. Ranma tried to keep her focused, but knew it was a lost cause while they still had more than a few minutes remaining.
The kisses slowed, however, as Hibari began to yawn. Across the way, Kousaku struggled to keep his eyes open. Nabiki passed out before he did. Hibari collapsed onto Ranma, snoring away, while Ranma lasted until nearly midnight itself to pass out.
"Well, they gave a decent attempt," the butler said, his voice muffled by a gas mask as he shut off the vent letting the knockout gas into the room.
"I had hoped Kousaku would do better, if he was going to be my heir," Kaneda added, his voice muffled by his own gas mask.
"What do we do now?" the butler asked, pulling on the dark kabuki inspired thief garb he and Kaneda had ready to conceal their identities.
"Steal the statue. Mouse Kid never fails, and I could use the insurance money to help recoup the losses on this recruitment effort," Kaneda replied after pulling on his face covering hood, walking over and grabbing the statue.
Kaneda and his butler made a break for the door, only to have the statuette fly out of his hands just before reaching it. Turning around, they were surprised to see Ranma standing on the table, the statuette flying back to him and landing in his arms.
"What!?" Kaneda yelped.
"Sorry, Kid, but you're not getting away that easily," Ranma replied. "See, as a master martial artist, I'm good at holdin' my breath. That knock-out gas wasn't runnin' long enough to make me more than a little drowsy."
He then produced the remote control he'd been given earlier and flipped a switch. The cage fell with a booming clang, while the doors to the room slammed shut.
"How?" Kaneda asked, head spinning about as he tried to connect the two events.
Nabiki and Hibari burst out from under their tables, both wearing smirks.
"Piano wire. We ran some simple pulleys to make sure the dropping cage closed the doors," Nabiki explained.
"And attached another bit of wire to the bottom of the statuette, with the other end tied around Ranma's wrist bracer," Hibari added, tugging on the part nearest Ranma's arm for emphasis.
"Huh. You kids are actually pretty clever. I'll give you that," Kaneda replied. "But Mouse Kid isn't so easily captured. There's more ways out of this room than the doors."
"True, but we can inform the world of your secret identity, Mouse Kid," Nabiki countered, walking over to the table Kaneda and his butler were supposed to be hiding under and pulling the tablecloth off to reveal their absence. "Or should I say, Kaneda Kansuke?"
"Ha! Cute! But have you checked the bedrooms? After we leave I'm sure you'll find the real Kaneda and his butler tied up and gagged, their identities having been stolen to make the thieving of Mouse Kid easier," Kaneda replied, happy to call the young woman's bluff.
"A nice alibi, Mouse Kid, but, as Ranma so cleverly said early today, there's one truth. And that one truth will prevail tonight for a simple reason: Hibari and Ranma are faster than you two," Nabiki countered.
"Faster than—" Kaneda began, only the two martial artists were already moving, having launched themselves across the room.
Kaneda and his butler both dropped smoke bombs before fleeing. The butler found himself pinned by Hibari all the same, having barely had time to move from where he'd dropped the smoke bomb.
Kaneda had been smarter, tucking and rolling to make a more agile escape. He produced a grappling gun and shot the skylight. The grappling hook found purchase in the metallic cross lattice of the skylight, pulling him to safety. Only to discover Ranma's exceptional jumping skills, as the teen launched himself past Kaneda and grabbed hold to hang from the skylight himself. He then dislodged the grappling hook with his free hand, holding it as Kaneda was pulled closer. Ranma smiled as the short thief dangled there from the hook he held, having been pulled up to the end of the rope.
"Funny meeting you here," Ranma said with a smirk.
"… ok. I surrender," Kaneda offered weakly. "What do you want?"
"Train Kousaku to be the new Mouse Kid," Nabiki shouted.
"What!?" Ranma and Kaneda yelled back in unified confusion.
"I like the finer things in life, and there's definitely an added romance to a phantom thief over a business mogul," Nabiki replied.
"Nabiki…" Ranma grumbled, letting himself fall back to the floor, holding Kaneda up so the short man wouldn't hurt himself on the landing.
"Ranma, you're marrying into a yakuza family. Can you really judge a phantom thief?" Hibari asked, dragging the butler over.
"I guess not, but, still. She's shameless," the pigtailed boy grumbled.
"Coming from you, that truly means something," Nabiki replied with a grin.
"Kousaku's not very good phantom thief material, though. Look at him. He's still sleeping," Kaneda complained as Ranma set him back down.
"So he's a deep sleeper," Nabiki countered with a shrug. "He knows how to follow orders, and he's been taking to the same martial art that Ranma does quite well."
Kaneda thought it over, scratching his head as he concentrated. "Hhhrrrrnnn… fine. I could do worse. And my knee has been acting up since that fall I had in Seattle. Alright. I'll train him as the new Mouse Kid."
It took Kousaku a bit to adjust to the news. His uncle wasn't just a business mogul, but a thief. Though Hibari was happy to ask him if there was truly a difference, insisting that all accruement of wealth by the capitalist class was arguably a form of theft from their workers. Kousaku wasn't sure he was willing to totally agree with that, but he could accept that lots of business owners cut corners on safety and environmental regulation, so were probably worse than an art thief who stole from the rich.
"And, I guess it will be fun to run around in a fancy suit and cape," Kousaku said, rubbing his chin as he sat at the breakfast table.
"Fancy suit and cape? Why would you wear that?" Kaneda asked.
"If you're gonna be a phantom thief, ya gotta wear a suit and cape. And a top hat. Leave an impression," Ranma said.
"It sounds impractical to me," Kaneda protested. "But… having a signature is important."
"I wonder if I could learn to throw roses, like the Kunos do. That's pretty stylish," Kousaku muttered to himself, before eating a bit of his omelet.
"Mhm. Very stylish. And you should totally wear a white outfit, since you're Mouse Kid, and mice are white. Also leans into the 'phantom' part of phantom thief," Ranma added, before grabbing a bowl of miso soup.
"White sounds impractical. Black is better for working at night," Kousaku countered.
"Mice are white," Ranma retorted.
"Pretty sure there's black mice," Kousaku replied.
"…most mice are brown," Kaneda muttered.
Rama stuck out his tongue. "Ew. No. A brown tuxedo is… yuck."
"I'll agree to that," Kousaku added.
"Boys, boys. Let's work on skills first and design outfits later, alright?" Nabiki said, taking a break from her own breakfast.
"Okay…" Ranma and Kousaku both muttered.