Now
Once again when Five woke up Vanya was already dressed and taking care of her things before leaving for her rehearsals. He went to bed even sooner than yesterday, but he still felt like he overslept. The bed, and the fact that it felt like 'old times' was maybe helping him sleep, but in no way was it working in his favor when it came to the apocalypse business.
Gosh, what was it with waking up so late?
He had six days to stop the apocalypse. Six! And what he assumed would be his key lead turned out to be all but useless. He needed to give maximum effort to it today and freaking do something about it. He didn't have time to waste.
He walked into the living room stopping in track as he noticed how nicely and comfortable Dolores looked on Vanya's couch with a greenish sweater on top of her blouse. He could tell his silent companion liked it and Vanya because of the gesture. Despite how poorly life treated her, Vanya was always a kind soul and good person.
'I thought she looked cold,' said Vanya, completely serious as she was putting on a jacket. Five couldn't help but smirk, appreciating the sentiment Vanya had for the only companion he had in the post-apocalypse world.
'Thank you. She looks lovely,' he said and nodded at her.
She went to the door before she stopped and turned around as if she remembered something. She then went to a small mug on her bookcase and pulled out a key from it, 'Here. So you don't have to climb like a criminal.' It was a spear key to her apartment.
'I wouldn't climb,' he said, looking almost offended as he gazed at the silver key.
She was still holding it out for him, her arm stretched toward him offering the small silver item.
He watched it for the longest of time wondering if maybe her arm wasn't getting soar. He couldn't take his eyes off the little thing in her hand. It made him feel strange. He couldn't explain it, but he felt incredibly nervous for some reason. This was her apartment, her life, her world, and he left her, hurt her by leaving. She didn't have almost any contact with her shitty childhood, that nightmarish house or their superhero complex family, yet here she was giving him a freaking key into her life although he represented everything she left behind, tried to run away from and yet she was giving him a key willingly with a stretched arm. He couldn't decide whether she was greedy for punishment like a masochist was for more pain, or maybe she looked past all the pain and just wanted him in her life. He knew he wasn't the worst of his siblings. He supposed he treated her better than the rest of them, but still, he knew he was a prick, but, hey, at least he tried. At least he had the guts to admit who he was and well...try for her.
'You don't...,' she said suddenly hesitated and awkward before she went to pull her hand back taking his silence and the lack of acceptance as rejection which she was all too familiar with over the years. He could see it in her eyes.
He grabbed her wrist with one quick move and took the small key from her still opened palm, 'Thank you, Vanya.' It wasn't as hard to say it as he expected even if it pinched him a bit. He wasn't good with words, but with the way Vanya smiled at him looking ridiculously pleased with herself, he couldn't be the worst with them either. Her ridiculous attitude warmed him up inside for some reason and made him feel a tiny hint of nervousness in his stomach that he couldn't explain. Weird. Maybe he just wanted to see her happy. It felt good to make someone happy. It felt good to make Vanya happy. She deserved it the most.
She shook her head and went to the door, 'I will see you later?' It was obviously a question.
He nodded, 'Yes.'
'Good,' she said before she left. She really did look...happier? Lighter? Calmer? He couldn't decide but she did look better. Better than the almost lifeless shell he saw when he first came back. Better than what their father dearest made of her.
He looked back at the small key in his hand. A key to her apartment as if she already accepted him to live with her there. Well, since most of his siblings didn't normally live in the house either it wouldn't be the worst idea to live with her. It obviously helped him to sleep next to her, his mind probably remembering the times they did it when they were kids, when everything was so much easier.
He gritted his teeth a bit realizing once again how everything could have been different if only he stayed. If only he waited until he got better at it. Hell, if only he stopped after the first jump, maybe it was only a year or two in the future. Anything would have been better than what actually happened.
He put the key into his pocket.
No. If he didn't see the future he wouldn't know about the apocalypse and he wouldn't even have a shot to stop it.
Five packed Dolores and got out of the apartment with a disapproving look at the door. Vanya needed to get better locks. He knew she was an experienced adult, but he also knew that when it came to taking care of herself she just lacked the ability to do some things. Like buying and eating proper food, her locks, her sleeping habits and letting strangers into her apartment. This all came from the negligence she received as a child from their father. They were all messed up because of him. A + parenting right there.
His mind then went to the apocalypse and the eye. It wasn't made yet, but there still had to be something he could do about it. He had to figure out who would buy it. It was his only lead at the moment.
As he passed the liquor store he realized he hadn't properly drank since he came home. If Dolores wasn't in his backpack, she would surely tell him he drank a lot. She always did. He was about to go in, when he noticed the window right next to it and got a different idea.
After a few hours of following the doctor around, he came to the conclusion that he was hiding something. The man looked too nervous to just be living the life of a modest citizen. Something was going on, and Five was sure he was going to get to the bottom of it.
Currently Five was standing by a phone booth next to his van waiting for someone to answer, 'Hello, I would like to leave a message for Ms. Hargreeves.'
'I'm sorry, who?'
He barely held himself not to bark at the woman on the other end of the phone, 'Vanya Hargreeves, violinist.'
'Oh, yes, sorry I didn't hear you properly. What would be the message, please?' at least the woman had enough tact to sound genuinely sorry.
'Tell her to meet me at Crosby's street for lunch,' Five told her simply as he watched people pass his parked van on the street.
'Of course, may I ask who is calling?'
Five thought about it for a moment before he smirked, 'Her brother, James.'
17 years ago
It had been a month since Five was in his prison with no escape. So far he managed to bury all his siblings, make camp, find Dolores and fail every single time he tried to get back home. Luckily, he was a determinate overconfident prick as Luther often pointed out, so of course, he was not giving up. He was gathering everything together making sure he would survive and find a way back home. Back to his family.
He buried them not far from the Academy, or what was left of it. During his daily rounds for food, water and anything useful, he always stopped by to visit, pay his respect and promise to find a way to save them.
He knew he just needed to get back home and all would be alright. His mind often drifted back to those two siblings he didn't find, Vanya and Ben. He felt like punching himself every time he thought about Vanya's crushed look realizing he never said goodbye to her. He never even fucking explained what happened and why could they no longer be in the same bed at night. He wondered if maybe she wasn't with their siblings because dad did send her away. If he wanted to get rid of her so badly and kept her only to control Five, it would make sense.
He felt sick at the thought. He felt sick at the thought that he would find her too. He knew he was tense every time he found a new body with brown hair. He still carried a small irrational hope that maybe Vanya survived all of this. Somewhere, in some underground shelter. Hope was a terrible thing.
He found a library the other day and went to go over the books which were not ruined yet. He took them and in the hours he took to rest he read them, getting familiar with the new world he wasn't a part of, that had ended. Everything felt strange, like he was reading about a different earth and different species. Maybe he was just too young to understand yet.
It was on the third day that he spotted the last three letters of their surname and ordinary on one of the books. He grabbed it with his shaky hands reading and re-reading the title and name over and over again.
Vanya's book.
He didn't even bother returning back to his shelter that day or look for more supplies. Instead he sat down right there looking at the cover and the title and her name for what felt like an hour. On the cover was teen Vanya playing the violin. It was almost like yesterday that he would pass her room and see her stand in the smallest room imaginable in the house and play. She would feel his stare and look up smiling ever so slightly and he would wink at her before he would be gone.
He finally turned the book around only to find a grown up Vanya with that slight small smile of hers looking back at him. She looked…she looked so…she was older, but she was Vanya.
It was the first time he had cried over the month he had been in this post-apocalypse world. He simply pulled the book to his chest and cried like a little kid as if she was there, being hugged to his chest. Since he came and found Dolores, it was the first time he felt utterly desperate and hopeless as the sudden realization hit him that he had been gone and Vanya grew up without him. He only now realized that all of his siblings grew up and had lives and it was possible that they had new families and real world jobs and lived their lives away from all of the chaos and drama of their dad's house and yet they were all gone now. They were all dead now.
He cried for what felt like more hours before it got dark and he just decided to sleep there on the ground in the dark and cold, holding onto the book for dear life since it was the only connection he had left with Vanya.
Now
Stakeouts were officially the most boring events imaginable. He was seriously close to just kidnap the man and torture him because this was proving to be so dull he wanted to scream. He needed to direct his attention to something else. He asked Vanya to come for lunch so what took her so long? He was suspecting that maybe the lady from the concert hall didn't even pass her his message.
Maybe you could have picked her up. It's quite a walk from the concert hall to here, said Dolores and he turned around a bit. Her voice was as always almost melodic.
'If I picked her up, I would have to leave and the person who would get the eye could slip,' he explained to her again.
I like Vanya. She's very nice and sweet like you said.
'Yeah, she's good,' he said, eyeing the people passing by.
You missed her a lot when we were there, do you remember?
'Of course, I remember I missed her every day,' he said and shook his head feeling like he could smell ash again remembering how he found all of his siblings and then found out what happened to Ben, but not once found any clue about what happened to Vanya.
You should tell her.
'She knows,' he said.
Suddenly, he was really smelling ash and burned things as he watched some kids play in front of him. He loosened his tie a bit feeling that it was becoming very hot in the stupid van. He needed more air. And then like someone turned on a switch, he could see the ashes falling down from the sky now. It was everywhere, even in the van.
'No,' he said quietly.
It's still better to hear it. She told you she missed you many times and...Five are you alright?
'I-I can't breathe,' he barely let out, trying to close his eyes and open so the ashes would be gone. It wasn't real. It wasn't really there. He wasn't really there, he was here now. The apocalypse hasn't happened yet. He still had time. They still had time.
'Dolores, I-I can't,' he shuttered trying to concentrate on something other than the smell of ash.
Dolores was silent now.
He was gritting the wheel tightly trying to focus on his breathing. The last thing he needed now was a panic attack. He had to focus. He needed to calm the fuck down and not smell ash and smoke everywhere or see his dead sibling and ruins and everything. He needed not to see any of it. He needed to calm the hell down. What the fuck was wrong with him anyway? He was with the Commission for so long and never once did he have an incident like this? Why now? Why?
Suddenly the door opened and he saw Vanya with the calm look on her face enter, 'You know, if Mom would have picked James for you the day we were getting names, it would have saved us all a lot of trouble. Dad looked like he was going to get a heart attack when you started to argue with him that you didn't want a name.'
She got inside to the passenger seat and immediately looked at his hands on the steering wheel.
She opened her mouth probably to ask, but seeing that he gripped it even tighter she bit back the question and turned around to look at the rest of the van, 'You took Dolores for a field trip today? Good call, it's very nice today. Quite warm. Maybe the sweater was too much.'
He felt himself relaxing a bit at the sound of her voice just talking pointlessly, but calmly. She was doing it on purpose. He knew she wasn't a chatty person.
He swallowed a bit, feeling his breathing return to normal, 'Yes, as lovely as your apartment is. We needed a change of scenery.'
Vanya shot him a look, 'Well, you try to survive on a musician's salary.'
'I suppose daddy dearest wasn't very keen on giving money after the little stunt you pulled with the book,' he said letting go of the wheel all together feeling his fingers hurt a bit, but the pain was actually welcoming for once grounding him to be sure that he was here with Vanya and not somewhere in the world of misery and loneliness.
'I never took any. He tried a couple of times to offer me some, but I just didn't take it. It wasn't right,' she said and shrugged her shoulders, 'I didn't want it.'
He nodded, 'Wise choice.'
Five gave her a bag with a hamburger inside. She wasn't picky, but he really did not expect her to be. They ate in silence. If she wanted to know what he was doing she didn't ask. She looked like she understood that he would tell her what he could and do what he had to save them. She was the least complicated of all his siblings.
He watched her for a moment before he pulled out a key and handed it to her. For a moment he once again caught the look of disappointment and acceptance like she was used to people rejecting her so often she didn't even have the strength to look sad about it for too long.
However, then she blinked confused at the key seeing that it looked different than the one she gave him and actually took the key from his palm before she chuckled, 'You changed my locks?'
'You needed a better lock,' he told her as a matter of fact, 'People are terrible creatures.'
Vanya gave him a look, 'Like you would know. You lived without them for so long.'
It wasn't meant to hurt him, but it did pinch him a bit. Still, when he looked over at her and saw that smile of hers again, he didn't have it in him to be mean and show her what he felt.
'You changed my locks,' she said again, this time it wasn't a question. Their eyes met and she rolled her eyes at him. It was annoyance and rudeness, which he didn't expect from her, but enjoyed it all the more as a sign of small rebellions she was capable of, 'You're such a control freak, Five.'
'What? I beg your pardon,' he said with exaggerated offense, all the while still smirking, 'It's perfectly reasonable that I want you to live in a safe apartment.'
'You changed my locks that's so dominate and you wear shorts,' she said and pointed at his uniform as if the thought of a child with shorts trying to be a man in the house was incredibly stupid and amusing.
'Yeah, well try turning into thirteen. My old suit doesn't exactly fit,' he argued before he turned to look back in front of him.
He could tell she was watching him and smiling. This was the longest he saw her do so since he was back. It was nice. He wanted to look back at her to memorize it, but also felt like he didn't want to see it. He didn't want to ruin it. He was a bit nervous that she would freak out about the locks, but this was manageable. She wasn't upset. Honestly, he didn't really know what possessed him, but when he actually passed the window with keys and locks it just came to him. His mind drifted back to the guy who showed up yesterday.
Leonard
Yes, Five would gladly admit he was a very judgmental person. Not in the way that he expected the worst in people, but in the way that he liked to think he could smell a rat for miles, and this guy just reeked rat. It was the way he was so overly happy and calm with both of their presence stepping into her apartment with confidence he shouldn't have when he goes into Vanya's apartment. And the way he reached out for her violin without her consent? Unacceptable in Five's mind! He didn't like the guy. He looked and acted nice, but he didn't like him. He wondered if he should bring the man up to Vanya since apparently he would come for more lessons which was even weirder. What 30 something guy decides to learn violin? Five didn't like the thought of the man being with Vanya, and although it caused him to lose even more time yesterday, he felt better knowing he was hiding in the hallway during their whole lesson waiting for him to leave without harming her. He knew it was irrational, but Vanya was his. She was the closest person he had, and he just got her back. He knew she probably survived adult life without a problem before he showed up, but seeing a situation like that made him feel unsettling and it was impossible not to act upon it.
He turned to her and she was still smiling when she said, 'You changed my locks.'
They chuckled at each other just as the door on Vanya side opened, and she got startled by Luther and Klaus looking at them surprised.
'Hi,' said the woman quietly as their brothers looked confused with her being there in the first place.
Five frowned immediately sensing the atmosphere in the van changing with their arrival. It wasn't light and warm anymore, 'What the hell are you two doing here?'
'I should get back to work,' said Vanya, suddenly turning to him and Five groaned, 'You don't have to leave just becau...'
'I will see you later. Uh, bye, take care,' she said to her brothers, walking away awkwardly just as Luther and Klaus got inside the van.
Five felt grumpy, 'Nobody asked you to come.'
'Well, of course, now that you're back all you need is Vanya as usual,' said Klaus as he started to scavenge through the back of the van.
Five full on frowned at him, 'What the heck are you talking about?'
Klaus grabbed Dolores looking at her with appreciation, 'Like you don't know. Back in the day, the brilliant Number Five was far too good for anyone except our precious, pure Vanya. I wondered what went on between the two of you behind closed doors. Do kiss and tell please.'
Five throws a bottle of water at him, 'Shut up.'
'That's enough. We came to talk,' said Luther in his I am the leader voice and explained the situation with mom.
Him and Luther were arguing about him coming back to the academy to deal with mom when all of the sudden Klaus let out, 'Did I ever tell you about the time I waxed my ass with chocolate pudding?'
Maybe from all of his siblings Klaus was the least one he understood. They told him to leave the van.
'Go get Vanya,' he told Luther as he was about to leave the van as well, seeing that Five would not come with him.
'What? You want a family meeting? Decision making? She speaks for me. Whatever she says, it's what I would go with,' he told him, not daring to look at him, grateful that Klaus wasn't here to make another comment.
Luther stopped in his tracks, probably stunned from his answer, 'Oh, you're serious.'
Five set his jaw and turned to him with an angry face before giving him a forced smile, 'Yes, very.'
Luther looked confused, 'Why? She's…. she's not…she can't…'
'She's ordinary?', Five mocked him, 'Newsflash, you don't need to have powers to make a good decision.'
He took in a long breath, 'Also apart from the rest of my family which apparently shares one brain cell and has to take turns to use it, Vanya actually thinks for herself, so whatever she decides she has my full trust.'
Luther watched him for a moment looking like he was about to say something before he closed the door loudly and left. Five could only guess if he would go after Vanya now or call her.
17 years ago
You can't go on like this, you know that, right? Asked Dolores one afternoon.
'I'm doing fine.'
He heard her let out a deep sigh, and he later realized it was a universal female noise to signal to the male that he was being an idiot.
Read the damn book, Five.
He turned around to look at her. He was eating a can of beans for dinner now. It was almost a week since he found Vanya's book and he only carried it around everywhere and looked at her photo on the back. He didn't dare to read it yet. He was terrified. Terrified of what her life was without him.
He was scared their dad ruined her even more than before and he wasn't there to help her, to protect her like he promised he would. He was afraid their siblings were mean to her, showing her over and over again that she was ordinary and not a part of the family. And if his darkest thoughts got out, he was afraid that she did break free and found love and happiness while he was rotting here.
Don't you wish for her to have a happy life?
He didn't reply because of course he wished for her to have a happy family life. He wished for her to have everything she ever wanted and more because if there was one person in the world who actually deserved it, it was her. He just wished that he was there to see her get it.
Come on, she would want you to read it.
He picked up the book looking at her photo again. She would want him to read it. He had no doubt in his mind that he would be the first person who she would ask to read it.
He sat down again, the can forgotten and opened. After the first page he closed it for a moment to calm down because the way she wrote it, he could easily picture her on his bed when they were thirteen talking to him about something. He could hear her voice telling him her story through the book and it was hard. It was hard to hear her voice knowing she was gone, but he still followed through, picking the book again and continuing. Very soon he found himself smiling and actually laughing about it. She was good. She was really good. The story itself was gloomy. No salvation for their little family. No happy ending for Vanya except that she was finally out of the house.
He read it and then re-read it and then just thought about it for hours and hours and hours. He pictured himself leaving with her. Out of the house to the real world. What would he have been? Vanya was a musician, no question there, but what about him?
Maybe a scientist? You're very clever.
He smirked at his companion.
Or maybe something completely different.
'Yeah, maybe.'
They would have had a nice life, a good life. Just the two of them if their siblings were not interested, and they would have been happy. They would have been happy, like those days when they shared a bed together, or when he listened to her play, or she listened to his ramblings about time traveling, and everything else. They would have been happy again.
Now
Several hours passed after that. It was dark and raining outside and the good doctor was still at work. Someone was quite a workaholic, or maybe screwing the assistant.
Five sighed. It was getting late. He briefly thought about what went down in the house and what happened with mom.
You should give Vanya a call. Maybe she made dinner. She will be very disappointed if you don't show up, said his companion in a motherly tone.
Five sighed, 'It's fine. She knows I have work to do. She will understand.'
If that is so, why do you keep on checking the watch so anxiously? Perhaps worried about how late you are?
He shot her a look, 'Vanya is a big girl, and this is something I have to do. I-I will make it up to her with like million dinners and lunches after the treat is eliminated. I'll be living with her.'
Oh.
Five frowned, 'What oh? She gave me a key.'
Nothing, but a key usually means you can come and go. Not that you can stay.
He was about to snap at her, 'What does that suppose...'
The door suddenly opened and a very wet Vanya came inside, 'Good, you're still here.'
He blinked, confused, noticing the violin case that she put next to her feet.
'Weren't you home yet?'
She shook her head looking in front of her, 'Didn't have time. So how did it go? Any luck with the doc?'
'Nothing yet,' he said and turned to the front as well before he returned his gaze at her, 'What happened in the house?'
'Disagreements as usual and well someone came to the house. Some guys in giant masks,' she said and Five froze in his place before he realized that Vanya was hiding her face from him.
He leaned over to her seat and without a single word grabbed her chin moving her head to face him.
'It's nothing,' she said all too quickly as she must have seen the murderous look on his face.
'You're bleeding.'
'No, it's dried blood,' she argued, which made Five touch the bleeding cut on her forehead earning a shove and hiss from the woman. He showed her his fingers with a small trace of blood to prove his case.
Before she could say it wasn't a big deal which would be so Vanyalike, Five teleported to the back of the truck pulling out a first aid kit.
'You're being ridiculous,' said Vanya.
'Ridiculous?! I don't think there is anything ridiculous with being worried and angry that you got hurt,' he said and pulled her into the back not with force but firmly so she knew she had to come.
She sat down next to Dolores of course and looked down at her, 'See, control freak.'
Like I don't know, dear.
'Stop ganging up on me, you two,' he said a bit more harshly than intended, seeing how shocked Vanya looked by the outburst. He demanded that she tell him what happened while he took care of the cut and put a patch over it. Before this, Five liked to think of himself as being a very well composed person. He could be very pragmatic, strategic, analytic and very reasonable about situations and how to act or handle them. However, while listening to Vanya's story about how Cha-cha and Hazel came into his house and hurt his siblings he felt only two things, anger and guilt. He was angry that somehow he created enough clues for those two idiots to find him. He was angry that he wasn't even there to properly handle them. And he was even angrier that they had gotten lucky and hurt Vanya who he sent into the house in his place. He also felt guilty because he sent her there and he wasn't there to protect her and because she got hurt in the first place only because of him. Because of him running away from the Commission, because of him running away in the future.
'I'm sorry,' he said, not particularly explaining what for, but Vanya took his hands into her. They were a bit cold from the rain which made him realize she was still in wet clothes. The van did not have a thermostat.
'It's alright. I mean Diego and Allison were also quite angry. I was upset about them being angry too, but now I know it's just because they care. I know you care too,' she told him with such confidence he suddenly felt like the shy one out of the two of them.
He looked at his small hands in hers. The fun thing was that Vanya's hands weren't much bigger than his either. She was the shortest and most petite of all of his siblings.
He moved his palms to be holding her hands and squeezed them, 'I'm so glad you're okay. Well, apart from that,' he said, nodding at her forehead.
She gave him a soft smile, 'I'm fine, really.' Yeah, like he could accept that after her freaking out the last two times she saw him with blood. Not to mention he could defend himself just fine, she on the other hand couldn't.
'Please don't take this the wrong way,' he said as he let her hands go and moved to the corner of the van where he dug out a blanket, 'But please do not go to the house anymore,' he put the blanket over her shoulders tucking her a bit, 'Those psychos know where it is and could come back, alright?'
Vanya let out a long sigh but ultimately agreed and gave Five the relief he so desperately needed in that moment.
'Also are you sure you didn't lose anything there? ID? Wallet? Keys? Something which could help them find where you live?' he asked and Vanya shook her head before she frowned and actually started to browse through her bag and wallet and Five already knew what it meant.
'What's missing?'
Vanya looked confused, 'The key, but that doesn't make sense. I swear I had it when I left the house, I could feel it in my pocket and oh...'
She suddenly nodded to herself and smiled, 'It's fine. I must have left it at Leonard's.'
Five full on frowned feeling that he was growing upset again, the relief forgotten, 'Leonard's?'
'Uh, after I left here I realized I was close to his shop so I decided to stop there. He's my student from the other day...'
'I know who he is,' Five cut her off, still not looking okay with the new information.
'So you went with him after you left here and then before you came here again?' he asked very slowly, pronouncing each word.
Vanya shot him a weird look. He knew he was being a bit well… crazy about the whole thing, but for some reason the idea of Vanya being alone with that guy didn't sit right in his stomach. He did not like the man.
'Yes, I….,' she shook her head, 'It's stupid actually.'
'Tell me,' he said and Vanya looked at him, 'He asked me to dinner the other day and I declined since well, I don't know, and today we talked a bit in his shop and after what happened in the house I just decided to tell him that I will go to dinner with him sometimes. '
Five watched her for a moment seeing how she got all nervous talking about it and felt like growling before he smiled, 'My dear Vanya, do you have a concussion?'
She gave him a look, 'Really Five?'
'How many fingers am I holding up?' he asked and raised his hand.
'Four and a thumb,' she said like a smartass and if he wasn't so upset about everything that happened he would find it charming.
'Then why would you want to go anywhere with that man? He's a creep.'
Vanya looked confused, 'Leonard? Why? He was really sweet to me,' she said and sounded a bit hurt that he accused the man of such a thing. Five gritted his teeth. He knew the guy was fishy, but he sort of understood that if he was nice to Vanya she wanted to believe he was a good guy. Sort of understood.
'Exactly he looked too nice and he was too pushy in your apartment. People are never so pushy when it comes to being in someone else's apartment.'
'Five...'
'No, listen to me! I have a very bad feeling about this man,' said Five, 'I-I would feel better if you did not go to dinner with him. He's not good for you.'
Vanya sighed looking resigned, 'Then who is? And how would you know? You haven't seen me in seventeen years. You don't know me, Five. Not when it comes to relationships and what kind of person is good for me.'
Five felt genuinely hurt by the statement. Yes, he knew he wasn't around her growing up, trust him, he knew it better than anyone, but it was not true that he didn't know her.
'That's where you are very wrong. I do know you. I know the girl, who used to practice the violin for five hours straight because she loved it so much, who is now the woman who is a violinist in a concert hall. I know the girl who loves to reread her favorite books, from Russian authors for the tenth time and still be intrigued with them, and the woman who has every copy of those said books she already read like ten times in her library, clearly still reading them. I know the girl who's so nice and pure and sweet and honest and the woman who is all of that as well. I know the girl who was my only best friend in the world and the woman who still is. I know the girl who I have been thinking nonstop, every day for the last forty-five years and the woman I still haven't been able to get out of my mind even when she is right here in front of me.'
He wanted to tell her all of this, he really did, but somehow it all got stuck inside his mouth not being able to let it out for some reason. He felt tongue tied which wasn't something that happened to him a lot.
Instead Five looked away and put his hands into his pockets, 'I'm sorry if I offended you, but I just feel like that weirdo is not a good match for you. I would feel better if you didn't pursue it. I don't see it ending on a positive note.'
Seeing the strange look of defeat in Vanya's eyes, hurt him more than if she would have slapped him, but if she needed it to open her eyes and see that this guy was not for her, so be it. Still, Five had to look away; the pain in her eyes was too much for him to bear.
She looked away as she pulled the blanket over her shoulders a bit more, 'How long are you going to stay today?'
Five shrugged his shoulders, 'I don't know I'm still waiting...' Just then the doctor finally came out of the building and Five teleported to the front seat and urged Vanya to 'Buckle up.'
The girl got to the seat next to him and put on a seatbelt.
They waited parked by his apartment now in silence. Five tried to tell Vanya that she could go home and rest, but he was afraid. He was afraid to let her out of his sight, feeling that she was still cross with him for what he said about Leonard. Maybe she didn't look angry or even was, but he knew he crossed a line, which wasn't supposed to be crossed.
'Were you in many relationships before?' he asked, not sure if it was even his place to ask when he just knocked her down with Leonard like that. Maybe he was just tired from sitting in a van all day.
Vanya who was snuggled on the seat beside him, looked over at him, 'If you can even call them relationships. I was in three.'
'What happened?' he asked, hoping to sound casual like he just wanted to make conversation.
He felt Vanya looking over at him before she said, 'I tried to give them too much and they couldn't handle it. I like to pressure people too much I guess. That or I just isolate myself from them completely.'
When you live in a house like their childhood home with a man who knocks you down every single moment of your life, your self-esteem isn't great. The fact that Vanya was marked by the cruelty of their father was proof enough by her life that was very hard even now as an adult woman.
He could tell she really isolated herself from people. No friends, no boyfriends. She was just as alone as she was when they were kids, simply assuming no one cared enough. He could feel it from every page of her book, feeling even worse about the fact that she had to face all of that alone. He wished he could say Leonard was a good guy. He wished he could tell her that he thought he was a good man and she should accept his offers, but how could he? He didn't feel okay with it. In fact he felt almost sick to his stomach at the thought that Vanya would be alone with the man.
She sighed, 'I guess that's why I hoped I could spend some time with Leonard? To prove to myself that I didn't? When I was a kid I could blame it on Dad, but if I'm still doing it then it's on me,' she said, in such a sad tone that it caused him to flinch.
'Where did that come from?'
'The other day in the house...'
'Allison or Diego?' asked Five, almost feeling like this was something their siblings would have said.
'Allison,' said Vanya and nodded, 'But she has a point.'
'It's not like we can shake all the torture dad put us through. Yours even worse than most of ours,' said Five and reached his hand to touch hers for a moment.
He saw the corner of her lips rose in the smallest smile.
'Yes, but we're adults now. I even went to a psychologist. It still didn't help,' she shrugged her shoulders, 'I don't know.'
Five watched her for a moment before he said, 'Well, you never isolated yourself from me. You joke and laugh and share things with me without a problem.'
Vanya leaned her head against the chair to look at him as she spoke, her voice caring fondness he noted she only showed, so clearly without anxiousness only when she spoke to him. Whenever she was caring to others he could tell she was worried. Worried of rejection and if they would understand her caring. Not with him. With him, she felt honest, brave, herself.
'That's because you're Five. You're you...everything was always easier with you.'
He watched her for a moment, their fingers linked while sitting in the dark van parked outside the doctor's house.
He thought back to what Luther said to him today.
'Did I ever...did I ever make you feel bad about yourself? When I was a kid-hell even now, I tend to make people feel like I'm better than them. Did I ever do that to you?'
Vanya smirked a bit. Just a little bit, but Five had to admit it was a pretty damn smirk, 'Luther or Diego?'
He closed his eyes and chuckled, 'Luther.'
'I think you're confident in your skills which isn't something I can really relate to,' she said, 'Maybe even overconfident and a bit of a jerk at times, but you never made me feel like that.'
The smirk turned to a soft smile, the one that warmed his heart when he saw it because despite the age, Vanya's soft smile was still the same. It was still hers. The small smile he saw on the cover of her book, the only thing which made him connect with her in the same way.
'In fact it made me feel special that someone like you liked to be around someone like me. It made me feel worthy of something,' she told him and it caused him to feel the strange uneasiness inside his stomach he felt a few times around her now.
He opened his mouth only to close it and then opened it again, 'Same here...uh...because if someone so good and kind thought that I was worth hanging around with, I couldn't be such a huge prick.'
She giggled at that and he felt like his heart stopped. He heard her chuckle and let out very short and quiet laughs which could also pass for chuckles, but this was a full on girly giggle and it was magical.
He felt warm in his face all of the sudden and he let go of her hand. He was probably too hot now. Yeah, that should be it.
His hands returned to the steering wheel and before he turned around he saw the small amusement behind Vanya's brown eyes.
He couldn't help but feel the nervousness in his stomach again, and also feel a bit embarrassed to act like that over something so trivial as her giggle.
The lights in the doctor's windows were out for almost an hour now.
'Let's go home,' he said, finally letting his body accept that he was tired. Vanya closed her eyes, 'Okay.'
A.N: Whoa, uh, this is embarrassing, but thank you to all of you for your incredibly positive view of the story and support because holy shit I did not expect people to like it so much and now I am so happy you do and you write reviews, add to favourites, follow and just read the story all together. I hope you liked this chapter as well. It got a bit longer. Anyway, thank you for all your thoughts and support and just everything Oh, uh, next chapter will be up sometime next week but I am not sure which day yet.