Chapter 15
Arizona returned to work trying to keep her mind from thinking about the bloods. She knew she was fairly fertile, the fact it had only taken one simple cycle of IVF to get pregnant had proven that.
The time after her attack was a blur, and she honestly couldn't remember if she had been given the morning after pill after or not. She guessed she would have as part of her sexual assault screen she had been given a cocktail of drugs, but it was 4 days after her initial attack, which meant the pill wouldn't have been as effective, even if she had been given the pill, also she had vomited so much those initial days after the attack she couldn't be sure it hadn't come straight out undigested. She patted her stomach trying to work out if it felt swollen or distended.
Entering the OR she put her personal life to one side, Sarah and her baby deserved a fully focused surgeon.
Finishing Arizona noticed Amelia lurking outside, she had Natasha with her. Her heart dropped as she stood in the scrub room savouring her last few moments without knowing whatever was so bad Amelia felt her therapist needed to be there. Gathering her courage Arizona opened the door.
"My office is closer" Arizona offered by way of greeting allowing the other 2 to follow her.
Arriving at her office Arizona sank onto the sofa,
"Just say it, whatever is wrong just say it" Arizona begged, her imagination spinning wilder ideas.
"You're pregnant" Amelia said, Arizona felt her world end, she was carrying his baby. His eyes came to her mind as she imagined a mini him. She felt hands on her arms, voices speaking around her.
"Breath Arizona, deep breaths" a soothing voice spoke, Arizona fought to get herself under control, finally letting Amelia coach her out of it.
"I'll write you a script for anti-emetics and prenatal vitamins" Amelia promised, "I'll bring it here and I'll sort your afternoon surgeries" she offered as well, Arizona nodded her permission. Amelia was right there was no way she could return to the OR today. Amelia excused herself to go cancel the surgeries and get the meds.
Natasha sat down on the chair opposite, allowing Arizona silence to process.
"What if I can't love them" Arizona voiced, "What if it looks like him? What if it hurts me?"
"You have options" Natasha reminded her client.
"I can't abort them" Arizona protectively placed a hand across her stomach in horror. She felt lost in her emotions but at the suggestion knew she would be having this baby. She had lost 2 children one to miscarriage and was losing another shortly to New York, this one she would protect.
"There is adoption" Natasha offered
"I can't, its mine, this is my baby" Arizona decided,
"Okay, how do you feel about that?"
They finished the session an hour later, Arizona checked the time, if she left now, she could collect Sofia from school, and they could go get ice cream. With only a few nights over the next two weeks with her daughter Arizona was determined to make every day special. She could worry about everything else when Sofia left.
"Mommy" Sofia said surprised as she noticed her car in the queue, she was meant to go to day care.
"Hey goose, I thought I'd leave work early and we could go and get ice cream"
Sofia didn't need asking twice, ice cream was much better than day care.
They arrived at the ice cream place each picking a flavour, Sofia chocolate, Arizona salted caramel.
"Mommy, we go to New York soon, and I get my own room and we can go to lots of shows and there is a shop with a Ferris wheel in" Sofia gushed excitedly, Arizona bit back tears, her daughter was excited to leave her, still she couldn't show it.
"You're going to have a great time goose, and you can call me whenever you want" Arizona said sounding a lot more excited than she felt. Sofia's face fell
"But Mommy you're coming to" she explained, Arizona shook her head no, "Mamma said we were all moving,"
"Just you, Mamma and Penny" Arizona explained,
"But I don't wanna move without you" Sofia cried, "Why can't you come too?" she asked,
"Because my job is here, and my friends and my leg doctor but you will have a great time" Arizona justified.
"But I don't want to go anymore" Sofia sulked, "I miss you lots and it's so far."
"I know goose, but if you don't go your Mamma will miss you" Arizona explained, wishing she could just agree to her daughter staying here.
"But your sad lots" Sofia pointed out her brown eyes meeting Arizona's "And I make you happy, and help your bad dreams"
"I know, but I'm happy when you and Mamma are happy, so I need you to go to New York and make sure Mamma is happy, can you do that?" Arizona begged, Sofia said nothing just looking really sad.
"But what if you get a bad dream again?" Sofia asked, Arizona sighed, trying to convince her daughter to move away when it was the last thing she wanted.
"I have people here Sof, don't worry about me" she said, feeling the intense pain in her chest as she physically felt her heart break. She hugged her daughter tightly hoping her false reassurances had worked. Truthfully she was broken, everyone left her eventually, even Sofia.
"I don't wanna go" Sofia sulked,
"Please Sof, let's just enjoy our ice cream" Arizona begged, she was too exhausted, for this especially after the bombshell of today.
"But Mommy," Sofia pouted, "I wanna stay with you" she begged, Arizona nodded, that's what she wanted to more than anything. She was fighting every instinct she had not to pick Sofia up and run, far away.
"I know baby, and I want you to stay so bad" Arizona replied, "Just remember I love you so much, more than anything, more than anyone." She promised, hugging her again,
"I love you too Mommy" Sofia cried, "Love you more than anything"
"Okay," Arizona pulled herself together remembering they were in a public area, "Hey goose, do you fancy going home, watching some Disney movies and eating pizza" Arizona offered. Sofia nodded.
On the drive home the questions continued, "Will Zola be in New York?"
"No sweetie Zola will be in Seattle with her Mommy" Arizona replied,
"How come Zola gets to stay with her mommy?" Sofia protested, Arizona took a deep breath, this was really hard to explain without making Callie seem like the bad guy, even if she was the one ripping the family apart.
"Because Zola's mommy lives in Seattle, your Mamma is going to live in New York with Penny, and Mamma would miss you a lot if you stayed here"
"But she has Penny to keep her company," Sofia protested, "Who do you have Mommy?" she asked sadly,
"I have Amelia, Miranda and Richard" Arizona listed, "And April and Alex, I have lots of friends I'm going to be fine, all Mamma will know in New York is Penny and you"
"But I'll miss you" Sofia pouted again,
"I know, I'm going to miss you, but I can visit lots and lots" Arizona hoped. She didn't think Callie would keep Sofia away from her, but she'd never thought Callie would sink so low to hire a private investigator either.
At home Arizona and Sofia changed into pyjama's putting on frozen and ordering pizza. After the pizza Arizona put on Disney's greatest hits and had a dance party just the 2 of them. Exhausted they shared a bath before Arizona read Sofia a story putting her to bed. With her daughter asleep Arizona sat watching her sleep trying to memorise everything about her. With her pregnancy she knew her time flying cross country would be limited and without talking to Callie, she was unsure how much she'd allow Sofia to fly to Seattle unaccompanied.
She didn't want to talk to Callie, but she knew she had to at least try to be civil to her ex-wife no matter how much they had hurt each other, for Sofia's sake.
Still with Sofia asleep she could focus on the big revelation, she was pregnant. Slipping out of her daughter's room Arizona stood in her room removing her top studying her stomach, did it seem more swollen? She was 8-9 weeks pregnant; her baby would be about 1.6cm long, and had a jawbone, nose and tiny mouth. Her stomach still looked flat, with no evidence of the tiny life it now held inside.
She woke up as normal with Sofia curled into her, she recalled her nightmare, screaming then her daughter there soothing her. Tearfully she stroked her sleeping daughter's hair, how was she going to cope not seeing her for months at a time? Checking the clock, she saw the alarm was about to go off, it was time to get up and face the day.
Arizona was working in her office when the phone rang,
"Doctor Robbins" she answered,
"Hello Doctor Robbins, its Detective Long, I have news on your case can I come and see you?" he asked,
"Sure, I'm in my office today its 4th floor at Grey Sloan"
"1500?" he asked, she checked her schedule,
"That works" he hung up, Arizona dropping her phone her hands trembling at the thought of discussing her case at work. Picking her phone back up she texted Amelia asking if she could be there, when she got no reply, she braved walking to the surgical board seeing Amelia names against an 8-hour neuro procedure that had just started. Callie approached her
"I just wanted to let you know we have our flights booked," she said pretending to study the board, Arizona sighed deeply,
"I can't not talk about this, not today" she replied exhausted, all her emotional energy was focused on the police detective visiting, and finding out she was pregnant, she couldn't open the custody case emotions today.
"Oh" Callie appeared hurt. "I mean I just wanted to give you the date, to prepare you and talk Arizona, I'm worried about you" she said trying to reach out offering comfort.
Too tired to engage further Arizona walked away, not sure whether to laugh or cry, Callie was worried about her. After everything she had put her through, she was worried. Instead of fighting Arizona left, going via the coffee cart getting a coffee and a doughnut. Her clothes were getting baggy, but she felt so nauseous eating, Natasha said it was a sign of anxiety and it was normal.
She rounded again before returning to her office to await Detective Long. He arrived with officer Casey,
"Hello Doctor Robbins" he greeted sitting down in the visitor's chair,
"Arizona please, how can I help?"
"We have news about your case,"
"Okay" Arizona steadied herself he appeared nervous like he was going to deliver bad news.
"You may know there were signs that Graham Maddox had become mentally unwell, so we had him assessed by a psychologist, they decided he needed admission for treatment of psychosis. He was admitted to Springfield mental hospital for treatment and further tests. Unfortunately, whilst there he got hold of a blade and this morning, he was found dead in his cell"
"He is dead?" Arizona repeated struggling to believe it, Long nodded, unsure if she would be happy, sad or angry. This was a work colleague, someone she had respected, but they had kidnapped her put her through hell, there would be no justice, but no trial. Likely it would be a mix of all 3.
"Is there anyone you want us to call?" Casey offered.
"No, thank you for letting me know" Arizona stood showing them out, glad they'd both come in civilian attire, locking the door when they left, falling to the floor, her whole body felt numb. Nothing felt attached to her, she couldn't feel her legs, her arms and then the rest of her body. Trapped she lay on the floor tears streaming down her face as her mind followed her body and shut down.
Sorry i had to write in pregnancy and Callie will find out soon, next up Bailey and Sofia confront Callie