Warning: Major Character Death
Now
Five walked to the medical room. His side still hurt, and he was positive if he made too quick movements he would surely break his stitches. He hoped he wouldn't have a reason too.
'Hey,' he said quietly, 'How do you feel?'
Allison nodded at him sitting up a bit, 'Good. Better. What about you?' she asked nodding at his side and visible limp as he walked.
He nodded, 'It's manageable. You know she didn't mean it. The powers-'
'I know. She doesn't know how to control them yet. I honestly don't blame her. It's my fault. I rumoured her and then I pushed her-'
'You rumoured her?' he asked shocked by the new information.
'Not today, but when we were kids and she still used her powers. Dad made me rumour her to think that she was ordinary. I didn't remember until now,' said his sister shaking her head.
'I can't decide whether he really hated her so much or just didn't care what those words would do to her,' Allison looked away thinking.
Five took a moment to run his mind over the new facts, 'Why didn't he just tell to rumour her that she didn't have powers?'
Allison shrugged her shoulders, 'I don't know.'
Five thought about it. It would be most logical to do just that. Rumour Vanya to believe she didn't have powers of her own instead of making her feel like she was plain and worthless. Then again, Vanya's powers were connected with her emotions along with the pills Hargreeves wanted to achieve total neutralization of her emotions so that she wouldn't accidentally use her powers at all.
If the man was here he would most likely spit at his face. For all his high and mighty talk about control, and how anything could be learned he just gave up on Vanya believing her powers could not be control, or contained.
Idiot
He never saw them as human being with thoughts, strengths and emotions. He never understood them as such. Vanya just like all of them is not just her powers, she's a person. A person who needs to be trained and thought how to deal with suppressed emotions and powers.
'Did you want to talk about something? Something else?' asked Allison suddenly breaking his train of thoughts and pulling him from his mind palace.
'What?'
'Vanya said you wanted to talk to me about something,' said Allison slowly.
It took Five about a second to realize what was happening.
'Shit,' he breathed out before he teleported downstairs and rushed to the lounge. Vanya wasn't there.
'Damn it,' he rushed outside to the main hall, 'Vanya?! Vanya where are you?'
His shouts brought Diego and Klaus from the kitchen, 'What the fuck are you yelling for?'
'Vanya,' groaned Five before he ran over to the next room desperately trying to find her. Where was she? Where could she have gone?
His mind ran wild. She wouldn't go outside she was too afraid to hurt anyone. She had to be somewhere in the house, but why did she want him out of the sight. A terrible feeling of something bad happening spread through his whole body making his blood run cold.
No, she wouldn't...hurt herself...
'Van-'
'You don't need to yell,' said Luther suddenly from upstairs, 'I...I know where she is.'
Five teleported closer to him feeling a momentary relief, 'Where?! Tell me now!'
'Calm down. She...she told me not to tell you. She doesn't want you to stop her. She's...she's not in control,' said Luther struggling with words. Five heard Klaus and Diego coming closer.
Five smirked at him tensely knowing he probably looked like a psychopath, 'Number One, I'm going to ask you just one more time. Where. Is. Vanya?'
Luther shook his head slowly, 'I told, she doesn't want you to know.'
Five went to punch him but this time Luther blocked his fist, 'Don't do this.'
'TELL ME WHERE SHE IS!'
'Damn it, Five. Don't you get it? You're not helping her! You're literally acting like this was not a big deal when in fact this a freaking huge deal. Vanya could cause the apocalypse and you're not seeing it because you're in too deep. You care about her too much and its affecting your judgement-'
Five grabbed him by the jacket and pulled him toward his face making Luther stumble a bit from having to lean that far.
'Listen to me. I swear to God. Either you tell me where the hell she is or I will personally castrate you, and we both know I can-'
'Alright, we need to calm down,' cut in Klaus, 'Just tell us where Vanya is so we can talk to her. She's just freaking out.'
Luther shoved Five away almost causing him to fall backwards. Five cursed himself for having this young body for disadvantage.
'Hey, knock it off. You know he's been shot,' said Diego, but Five barked at him, 'Stay out of this.'
'No, I'm not telling it. I'm sorry I know this is like backstabbing you again, but I have to do it. She hurt Allison, destroyed the room, kill Peabo-'
Five suddenly lowered his voice to the coldest level Luther ever heard him say, 'Again?'
Luther blinked confused, 'What?'
'You said again. Backstabbing you again. Why again?' asked Five coldly watching the change of expression on Luther's face as he realized his mistake.
'I-I just...nothing,' he lied unconvincingly.
'Jesus, you suck at lying too,' said Klaus, but Five ignored him stepping closer to Luther, 'I don't know which one of the family is using the universal brain cell around here today, but I suggest you use it right now and explain.'
Luther opened and closed his mouth before he looked over at Klaus and Diego probably for support, but didn't get any.
He finally sighed and spoke, 'I...I know...I know you and Vanya used to...sneak into each other's room at night.'
'Ooooh,' let out Klaus and Five shot him a glare which shut him up for a moment.
He turned back to Luther. He didn't want to discuss this with his brothers, but wanted to know where the hell Vanya was and if this would help so be it.
'So what?'
'Allison and I we used to...sneak out too and just hang out in night. Once...once dad caught us, and he was pissed. He started to tell me how he wouldn't let us practise anymore together, and how he would make us change rooms so we would be away from each other and just...terrible stuff.'
He closed his eyes pain visible on his face. Five hated where this all was heading. He could already see the answer in his mind, but a part of him, a naive part of him which wouldn't die even after years of loneliness in a wasteland and years of calculative cold-blooded murders wanted him to believe he was wrong. He was almost positive that part was Vanya's doing that was still alive inside him.
'I remembered how Ben got off practise two times because he ratted out Klaus-'
'Which I forgave you by the way,' mumbled Klaus under his breath, but Five still caught it although he didn't have time to process it in that moment.
'So I...I told dad-'
'You fucking piece of shit,' said Five very slowly his voice making Luther flinch. He looked at him finally. He saw something he never saw in Five's eyes before at least not directed to him. Hate. Pure hate. It was something so intense and disgusting Luther took a step back feeling for the first time truly unsafe in his brother's presence even if he was bigger and physically stronger than him. He only now understood how dangerous Five could have been, and he threatened the one person who was important to him in that moment.
'You...do you have any idea what you did?' asked Five slowly shaking his head.
'I'm sorry, Five-'
'Dad said he would send her away? Do you understand that? I was standing in front of him in his office while he said he would pack her and sent away like it was no big deal, somewhere of to a boarding school! I would have never seen her again! He made me never talk to her or step foot into her room because I was terrified he would just sent her away! Do you even understand what you did? I wanted to time travel to stop him from finding out! I got stuck in a fucking deserted future all alone for decades because you fucking told him! And now? Now you just won't tell me where she is? Fucking asshole!'
'I was a kid. I was a kid and dad told me the same thing about Allison. What would you have made me do?' asked Luther.
'Not be a piece of shit for starters,' said Five and Luther desperately shook his head.
'Five…I needed Allison. I still need her-'
Five shook his head as well letting out a humourless chuckle. This was just brilliant. Fucking brilliant, really.
'You know even when dad was threatening me that he would sent Vanya away and I would have promised him to shot down the moon, just so he wouldn't, it didn't even cross my mind to rat you guys out and I knew about the stupid tent upstairs for months!'
'Five-I-'
'I guess, it just proves how much different we all are,' said Five, 'We were both kids, Luther, but I fucking own all the shit I did. Clearly you can't,' said Five before he teleported back to the lounge grabbing Hargreeves's journal. He quickly flipped over the section of containment in Vanya's notes. He didn't need Luther to tell him shit. He would just find her on his own. He knew her well. Even if she managed to trick him. He knew her very well enough to know that she only wanted to keep them all safe. Whatever it took. Even if it hurt her in the process that much he knew, but he didn't think she would hurt him as well. He didn't think she would do something which would bring him so much pain.
Five heard a pesky voice inside his mind tell him that this was what happened when people got close to each other. It sounded awfully too much like Handler.
He found the notes about locking her up in an isolated cell build just for her to suppress her powers. His mind remembered the strange door father had taken Vanya through and didn't come back until much later. He clenched his hands into fists and teleported to it. It took him a moment to remember how to open it, but once he did he stepped into the elevator and went downstairs.
He tried to calm down. He really did, but he was so freaking pissed. He was pissed at Luther, at himself, at Vanya.
Five didn't even realize it until his hand collided with the wall of the elevator and the pain shooting through him that he lost it like that.
He looked at the damage on his knuckles. They were bleeding a bit.
He took in a deep breath trying to calm down as he got out of the elevator. He was an idiot. He was a fucking idiot, but what else could he do? He cared for Vanya. He cared for her so much it made him insane. He wanted to keep her safe, and he knew that if she let him they could figure it out. If only she let him help her and not push him away just like she always did. He paused for a moment knowing he couldn't blame it on her that much. How else should she react or feel? She thought she would cause the apocalypse, all her life she was proved that people never stayed only left and worst of all that she was no one. Not good enough, worthless, ordinary. Nothing special about her. She told him she didn't trust herself that she couldn't, and he dismissed it by telling her to trust him, but he didn't even consider her feeling. The only time he ever lost control over his powers was when he couldn't come back to her, and it terrified him and made him feel like a failure. Vanya's powers could break down walls and hurt people. How could he compare with her? How could understand what she was going through? He was such an arrogant prick, he didn't deserve her…
Yet, because he was that kind of a person, he wouldn't leave her. Maybe someone would give her time and space to deal with it on her own, but not him. Never him.
He just couldn't.
If she was supposed to cause the apocalypse he had to stop it, stop her powers from doing so, so they could have a future together, a better one, the best one.
Hope always scared him. In the future, hope was literally tore from his fingers as he tried to hold it together. He didn't try to reach for into he met with her again. She gave him hope. She was his hope for a brand new day.
He got to the large metallic door before he teleported inside in a flash, he found a large container made of steel with little to no light inside it.
Fucking bastard. You're lucky you're dead.
He felt the anger returning as he remembered Vanya's startled cries as she was having nightmares about rooms in the dark with no sound or person inside. If his father were here, Five would probably kill him just for that alone. What kind of monster does this to a child? What kind of an animal adopts a bunch of perfectly fine kids and turns them into these reckless assholes filled with anxiety and mental and emotional issues?
When he jumped inside he found Vanya sitting by the door in silence. He couldn't see her face, or hear her sobs, but she looked more broken then he ever saw her.
He wished he have done better by her…
'Why won't you trust me?' he asked half expecting to scare her with his presence, but she didn't even flinch just kept sitting there not moving. He knew he should have been gentle with her, but he couldn't. He needed to let it out. He needed to let her know, that this was no okay, that they didn't just spent the last seven days building their trust for her to decide he wasn't good enough for it.
He was upset. Did she honestly think he wasn't? Was she kidding him? He was a stone cold killer, one of the commission's finest, a pragmatic to the bone. The man with the plan, always. And when it came to her he was losing control just like she was. She might have been losing control over her new found powers which were roaring inside her, but fuck, he was losing control over everything inside him over her. He couldn't think, or breath or look at her and not feeling like a puddle of emotional mess because she was just so…Vanya.
He buried himself in Monocle's notes hoping he would find a way to help her, safe her from those depressing and consuming feelings she had to deal with. He hoped to save the world, but first and always he wanted to safe her.
'Do you not believe in me? Do you think I would let anything happen to you? How could you do this? I thought you left,' he said feeling the anger inside slipping from under his fingers out to the open, 'I thought someone took you. I fucking thought you were gone. I told you I wouldn't' leave you and yet you left? Without a goodbye?' he was almost shouting, but in this bizarre cage there was no echo. It would creep even him out if he wasn't so upset right now.
'DAMN IT, LOOK AT ME!' he snapped at her.
The woman very slowly rose her head to look at him, 'I meant to destroy the world. It's all I was ever meant to do.'
The complete lack of strength behind her eyes caused him to almost step back. She looked so…broken down. He never saw her like this. Not even after their father's harsh words, or when Allison rumoured her to the closet, or when she was taking a higher dosage of those stupid pills, or when he met her in her dull and cold life lacking any warmth, she never looked so broken, emotionless, just…gone.
'Don't say that. You don't know that. I'm here now-'
'Dad knew it too. That was why he locked me in here, that was why he never trained me…that's why he made sure I would never connect with you,' she said her voice so empty. She looked exhausted, defeated almost…dead and he wanted nothing more than to shake her and show her that she was still alive.
'Don't say that,' he said gritting his teeth in anger ready to shout at her again.
'He didn't' want to make it too hard for you to kill me if you ever needed to…'
Five was sure that if she slapped him it would hurt less than those words. How…how could she say that? How?!
She looked down at her hands, 'The Handler came…the woman.'
He froze feeling like he couldn't breath again, tasting the ash in the air.
'What…'
'She came and told me…well basically that this was planned since the day I was born and there was nothing to stop it. I was always meant to kill the world and you were always meant to be stuck in the ruins of what I did,' she looked back at him, 'She told me that there was nothing anyone could do to stop it, and offered me to…to join her? The commission? She said it was the only way for me to survive.'
Five watched her in silence. It was impossible for him to open his mouth in that moment. Doubt creeped into his mind.
Doubt that maybe…perhaps…
He closed his eyes painfully. Bravery was overrated. Bravery could get you lost in time without the person you cared for years to come….
But bravery could also get you to come home to that person.
He opened his eyes, 'But you didn't take it.'
She shook her head for the first time a small spark of emotion, even if it was sadness crossed her face 'How could I?' her voice shook with the gravity of her agony.
'How could I accept it and kill all of you? Even if that is the only thing I'm good for I-I- can't. I…I rather die with you than live without you, don't you know?'
'I know!' he yelled inside the silent cage.
He closed his eyes the emotions and agonizing depression of the whole situation wrecking him inside the same way it must be killing her, 'I…I know.'
They were both left in silence after that. Sometimes their silence was comforting, sometimes it was awkward, sometimes it was soul killing.
Right now, their silence was full of unspoken, of deeds undone, of confessions to secret love, and of wonders not expressed. Our truth was hidden in our silence, hers and his.
18 years ago
They were twelve years old when he nudged her a bit during their free time on a Sunday and told her to put on a jacket and scarf and meet him outside. He couldn't remember now why didn't he want their other siblings to join them as he carefully lead her out on the street and down the sidewalk to the movie theater.
She kept on looking behind them as if she half expected their father, or one of their sibling or Pogo to show up and demand that they return. Fortunately, nobody showed up and they continued to walk. He knew she was curious about how did he know where to go, but he was planning this for a while now.
They stopped in front of the large building. There weren't many people around so he walked with her to the back of the building and teleported inside to open the door for her.
They snuck in to the back seats and in the dark watched the movie in front of them. They had been to the movies before with their father as a present for good results during practice, but never just the two of them. Five couldn't later remember what the movie was about or what its name was, he just remembered how it felt to be in the darkness of the theater with no one watching, or expecting anything from them just sitting in the dark listening to Seven's breathing next to him and occasionally feeling her shift or bump into his elbow. She was never so vivid before.
'Are you alright?' he asked in a whisper. She turned around to face him and nodded smiling a little bit. No, Seven didn't smile a lot and when she did she tried to hide them with her hair or looking away making it even rarer. The movie ended and it was time to return to the real world. Still, with the way Seven spun around on the sidewalk her arms spread wide and her hair titled to the back looking at the sky, looking happier than he ever seen he would never regret it.
They came inside and no one noticed that they were even gone. It was like their little secret adventure.
'We should try this again sometimes,' she whispered as they were about to separate to get ready for the dinner.
He smirked at her and watched her skip away just before their father called her number and asked if she took her pills. It was then seeing how her mood change back to almost robotic behaviour that he understood what the pills were really doing do her.
That night Number Five thought about what would Seven be like if she didn't take her pills. She must have been a delight to be around with.
Now
Vanya was seated down against the door with her head on her knees not looking at him. It had been a couple of hours that they decided that she had to stay inside her cage until the pills would start to work again and the threat of the apocalypse would pass. That was the plan for now. She would take her pills to bury her powers at least until the treat was over and they could figure out what to do next. He saw how ruined she was by staying in there which apparently was something their father dearest was working on for a while, so there was little to no decision than to stay there with her.
Five was looking at her sitting opposite from her wishing he was a better person to help her somehow and not be so useless. When he came back all he wanted was to protect her and their family, he was…sure of himself that somehow he would return and fix everything, do everything right only to end up almost fucking it up completely.
He almost wished the Handler, that bitch, would show up again so he could rip her head off. She was such a fucking….bitch. She tried to manipulate Vanya the same way she always tried to manipulate him to work for her. It only made him be certain that this did not have to be the end of things. The handler only came because she was desperate which meant that there was a large chance the apocalypse could be avoided all together. She tried to get Vanya to believe she was going to cause their doom, but only managed to convince her to do whatever it took not to.
Perhaps, he would take her before he would choke the life out of her venomous eyes.
'Five,' said Vanya quietly all of the sudden. Every sound sounded so strange in the cage.
He looked over at her, 'Yes?'
'Remember when you took me to the movies?' she looked up. Her eyes were all swollen from the crying. She brushed her face several times while talking, 'It was before mom gave us names. We snuck out and you got us in without tickets and we just watched it there in the dark without anyone looking at us or knowing who we were.'
She shifted her gaze to him, 'Do you remember?'
He nodded remembering the event she was referring to, 'Yes, you were worried someone would find out and come get us, but then no one did. No one even noticed.'
Vanya nodded, 'Until that day I used to think you hated me.'
He frowned at her words confused, 'Why? I never did anything to you.'
Vanya gave him a tragic smile which made him want to punch himself for causing this to her, 'But you always looked like you didn't want to be around me. You always had this look when I talked like you were annoyed with me. All of you did actually. Most of the time anyway.'
He felt a pain shot him through his heart a bit at how small she looked while saying that. They were a really shitty family to her.
'I'm sorry. I-I…I didn't know,' he lied because it was true he used to think she was needy and desperate for them to play and talk with her, but really she was just so lonely. He couldn't process that she was different than them and wished to be a part of their group when all he wanted was work on his skills and abilities. He didn't have the space inside his mind and life to care about her the way she should have been cared about. He was a very selfish child.
'I'm sorry, Vanya.'
She shook her head like she dismissed what he was doing to her a long time ago, 'That's not why I said it…Five, why did you take me to the movies that day?'
He didn't move. He just sat there looking into her brown eyes slowly clearing from the crying.
He wished she wouldn't look at him the way she was. He wished she would look away because under the pressure of those brown eyes of hers he felt compelled to tell her the truth that he couldn't voice before. He was almost sixty years old, and he was raised with her as brother and sister and he was stuck in his thirteen year old self and she was the cause of the apocalypse and he…he was just so tired from all the hell around them.
Five closed his eyes and shook his head before chuckling in pure desperation, 'Because you're my favorite. I-I like you the most.'
She opened her mouth and in that moment he wished she wouldn't say anything. He prayed she wouldn't ask anything. He hoped she would just accept it and leave it because if he was to say one more word he would probably say something far more worse than the apocalypse. Something which would rip their family apart even more than all of what they have been through.
But Vanya didn't say anything. She closed her mouth again and looked away and Five couldn't help but felt angry that his prayers had been answered all of the sudden. Maybe he was in the cage far too long with her, but he owned it to her not to be a selfish prick and wait with her for the pills to start to work.
'I think,' she started softly, 'I think the first time was when we kissed.'
He looked up at her with his eyes wide and his heartbeat speeding up, 'What?'
She looked back at him and stood up all of the sudden, 'I think….the first time I actually…,' she didn't say those words, but with how she pointed at between herself and then him it was so painfully obvious what she meant, 'was when we kissed when we were kids.'
He wanted to run. He wanted to teleport out of there and run. Why the hell she was going into that now?
He would have rather bite a bullet again then face this now. Jesus. What was she doing?
'Do you remember?' she asked and he stood up shaking his head, 'Don't.'
Of course he remembered. He remembered everything all too well.
'And then you…when you started to listen to my playing,' she said and took a step closer. He barely contained himself not to jump away from her because right now she was far more terrifying then when she couldn't control her powers.
'And then when I had nightmares and you…,' she stopped just a half of a step away from him. If she moved a bit she would crash into him and he wasn't sure what that would do if she did.
'You held me,' she mumbled a bit quieter this time looking into his eyes and making it impossible for him to look away.
'And then you left,' she closed her eyes finally allowing him to break from the spell and leave if he wanted to, but he stood still feeling like he couldn't move.
'D-do you think that if you didn't…the world would be less…crazy?' she looked at him again.
'Do you think that if you stayed here or came back sooner that…that this wouldn't happen? That I wouldn't be so…broken?' she asked and started to snob again which he couldn't take anymore.
He grabbed her arms and shook her, 'You're not broken. You just need to learn control. I can fix this. I will teach you.'
I can fix you, and you can fix me and maybe we can be happy after that. Maybe we can finally be happy.
She blinked a bit. Her face starting to carry that numbness he hated to see on her so much.
Vanya touched his chest, 'Five, you're shaking.'
She was right, he was shaking. While she was probably being numbed down by the pills he was literally starting to want to crawl out of his skin.
He let her go and took a step back, but she immediately took his hand, 'Please don't leave.'
'I'm not,' he said and griped her hand tighter as he looked away. The room was starting to make him feel anxious like a tiger in the cage.
She stepped closer toward him and he looked at her again. She was so short. All his siblings looked tall and grownup, but she still looked like the same little girl whose name he was calling for a week nonstop hoping to find her somewhere still alive in the post-apocalypse world.
When her hand slipped out from his, he felt the lack of the touch immediately. Her hands touched his face, and he let out a desperate choked sound. Her hands, so caring and delicate just like her herself. She always cared so much and the world just kept on hurting her, tearing her apart and causing bad things to happen to her….and by proxy to him as well. Because nothing hurt him more than her being in pain and having a sad life.
He opened his eyes and looked at her. She was just so…Vanya.
He was tired. He was exhausted really. He wanted everything to just end already. He wanted it to be all over so he could…what?
'Five?' she asked his name sounding so gentle from her lips like he wasn't a killer, an asshole, a jerk who left all alone and still kept on making mistakes one by one even though he promised to her and himself he wouldn't leave, wouldn't hurt her, wouldn't….
'Vanya…I…I,' he felt like he was about to throw up. Why was it so hard? Why couldn't he just say it? She just confessed didn't she? She just told him she felt the same way he did since they were kids. She just…why couldn't he?
'It's okay-'
-no it's not! His mind screamed at him. He loved her and he couldn't bring his mouth to cooperate and freaking say it.
It was a lost battle, so he did the only thing he could. He was never good with words, but actions spoke louder than them anyway.
He grabbed her by the elbow front of her sweater and just pulled her toward him capturing his lips with hers, in an almost bruising kiss ever. It was nothing like the kisses before. It was almost violent not like how he ever wanted to kiss her, but he couldn't help it. He was just so desperate for her, for all of this, for them, for the time they lost, for more time they could have. He just…he was starving for her since the moment he shut those fucking door at her face when Hargreeves said he couldn't be with her anymore.
He felt the startled breath against his lips, but it only made him pull her closer and kiss her harder not giving her a chance to run or push him away because fuck it he was so done with all that bullshit for now.
He kissed her like he was attacking her. Like a first punch starting the fight. There wasn't anything delicate with the way he let his lips push against hers, consuming the kiss like it was a delicious meal. It felt like a rhapsody for his soul to be able to do so after all this time, after all of those emotions, feelings and cravings just pilling up inside him ready to finally burst in what was probably the most sensual experience of his life which was just a whole new level of sad and pathetic, but he didn't care. He couldn't bring himself to think or care about anything else than his lips feverishly move against hers starving for her warm, closeness, taste. Starving insatiably for her.
When they broke the kiss, he felt how she was trembling, her breaths almost pants as she opened her eyes and let go of his face, 'Five, this…we can't-'
'Don't,' he barked at her shutting her up completely, 'Don't say we can't because I will probably punch through that wall if you do.'
Vanya shook her head. She looked like she would cry again. He hated it. He hated himself for doing that, for loving the feeling of her lips against his, for loving her.
'Damn it, don't!' he snapped as she opened her eyes again.
She cradled his head between her hands again so profoundly. He wanted to melt into her touch just so he would have imprinted the feeling of her hands on his body forever.
'Five, this is insane. You're in a body of a thirteen year old and-and-'
'So wait for me,' he said suddenly and she lost the ability to speak for a few moments as the words literally knocked the air out of her.
He looked upset before, but now he was standing still and tall and confident almost smug the way he always was.
'Wait for me. This body is thirteen so what two more years, three? If you will feel better that it's legal than five years or eight. I've been stuck in the post-apocalypse world for decades and you were here without me for seventeen years. What's a few more?' he shrugged before he actually smiled at her. No grin, or smirk to die for, just smiled.
For the first time since they left the bed the morning before he felt in peace.
'Wait for me.'
Vanya didn't reply. She couldn't. She literally couldn't speak, and just stared at him…and didn't know what to say. Not one word. He just told her…he just told her to wait? How? How could he say it so casually? How was that humanly possible? He wondered if she felt like she was going to suffocate from all the pressure while he just stood there smiling her as if this was not a big deal.
Because it wasn't. He finally understood it…it wasn't a big deal at all. It was him and it was her and he loved her. That was all. That was all there was and all that mattered and it was enough.
He took a step closer and took her hand again, 'Don't do that. Don't over-think it more than it has to be. In couple of hours threat of the apocalypse will be over, I will train you. I will help you gain control and then,' he shrugged his shoulders, 'We can do whatever we want.'
'Five,' she said and took a few pieces of her hair pulling it a bit with his fingers looking how it curled around them and then bounced as he let go, 'Where do you want to go? Somewhere warm? Or cold? We can go anywhere.'
'But I-'
'We will just take some times to help you learn control. Then we can come back. You will continue in Icarus or find a new place and you will be first chair and have your first real concert,' he put his hand against her cheek feeling the dry tears still there, 'Where to do you want to go?'
'I don't know,' she said before she chuckled a bit. It was a good sign. Chuckling meant she was starting to feel things even with the pills. Chuckling meant she wasn't completely opposite to his offer.
'What do you have in mind? Somewhere without too many people? You tell me, you always like to be in charge and right after all.'
'I don't always like to be in charge and I am always right.'
She raised her brows at him, she looked a bit more relaxed now, 'You changed me locks. You're such a control freak, and you know it.'
He bit the inside of his mouth. He wanted to kiss her again just for that alone.
'Yeah, I like that. I like that a lot. How about a nice cabin in the woods? Just the two of us. You could train all day long without hurting anyone, and play the violin for me, and then just…live and we could come back and be there with the others, who could come visit-minus Luther. He pissed me off earlier,' said Five earning an actual giggle out of her.
'I love that,' he said immediately and she blinked a bit confused, but smiling. Gosh, she was smiling.
'Love what?'
'That sound you make when you giggle. It literally makes it hard for me to breath sometimes,' he said not even stumbling against his words. Yeah, he could do this. He wanted this. This was easy. Fuck. This was so easy how could he ever think it wasn't?
Vanya looked so stunned by this before she put her hand against his on her cheek and closed her eyes, 'Maybe we could stay forever. In the cabin…just the two of us. Oh, but Dolores,' she opened her eyes again.
'We have to bring her as well. Come to think of it we left her all alone at my place.'
He tried not to smile. He really did, but with her looking at him like this and thinking of Dolores of all the people, it was impossible not to.
'Yeah?'
She nodded.
'So you would wait eight years?' she asked after a while raising a brow at him teasingly.
He chuckled. He had a feeling he would regret those eight years especially since this body already started to hit puberty.
'I would wait forever for you,' he said and honest to God or whatever the hell was in charge, he meant it. He was done having her wait for him. Just done with all of that shit.
Vanya watched him for a moment before she shrugged her shoulder, 'Okay-'
Before she could finish the word, the metallic door the cage exploded sending them to the ground and armed men pulled out a machine creating a high pinched sound so loud it made Five's ears bleed.
His ears were ringing, whether it was the sound from the explosion or from the machine he wasn't sure.
All he knew was Vanya pushed him into a sitting position telling him something, but he couldn't hear her. His eyes only saw the way her lips moved.
He shook his head and brushed her cheek seeing the blood on the side of her face. The room was shaking again. Her pills didn't work yet.
He didn't hear it but he felt the shot near them in the air, and pushed her down stroking her hair briefly. He wasn't sure if she heard him or not because he himself couldn't hear it, but he did try to say it before he teleported and knocked down the nearest shooter in black.
I love you
17 year ago
'Get out!' Five heard Allison's yelp from the hallway.
He teleported outside only to see Vanya quickly rushing away as the door to Allison's room shut with a loud slam.
'Number Three, what have I said about slamming the door!' they all heard their father from the other hallway.
Five rolled his eyes and looked at Vanya as she was walking from the direction of their sister's room.
'What happened there?' he asked.
Vanya shrugged her shoulders, 'Nothing?'
He titled his head. He knew by now that Vanya was a very bad liar. She always got all nervous and shifty and couldn't come up with a good excuse for the love of God.
'Want to try that again?' he grinned at her and she sighed. She was also very quick to give up, 'Promise you won't tell it to anyone. I don't want Allison to be mean to me again.'
'I think that's not possible. She's always mean to you.'
'Five.'
'Alright, I won't tell I got it from you,' he said as he raised his hand and she shoved him a bit, 'Okay, alright, I don't tell to anyone.'
Vanya lightened up a bit before she looked away looking quite embarrassed, 'I saw...Allison and Luther...kiss.'
Five blinked, 'Oh.'
'Oh?'
He shrugged his shoulders, 'It's not that big of a deal. I saw them kiss a few times myself.'
Her eyes widened, 'What?'
He walked into his room, 'They're not very subtle in locking the door, you know.'
Vanya walked inside and closed the door, 'Does father know?'
'I doubt that he cares, but then again I notice he tries to break them apart a bit more than usual,' he said and walked to his bed where he stood up and started to write another one of his formulas consumed by his work again.
Vanya watched him for a moment before she went to his chair and sat down looking around his room and trying to figure out how much clean space he had left.
'Do you ever think about it?' she asked sounding very nervous which wasn't unusual. Even if they were closer now than before Vanya was a very nervous almost to the point of anxious person.
'About what?' he asked still writing trying not to lose his train of thoughts.
'Kissing?' her voice sounded a bit strange. Not nervous, but not normal either.
'Not really,' he said and continued to work.
'What do you think it's like?'
'Very unhygienic and wet,' he said as his eyes didn't leave wall and his writing.
She was quiet for a moment, 'Maybe not.'
'Or maybe not,' he allowed himself to agree with her. He never kissed anyone to know for sure of course. He would allow the benefit of the doubt if he didn't know something for sure.
'Do you ever think about trying it out?'
'Not really.'
'Oh,' she said sounding a bit strange before he heard an undeniable smile in her voice, 'Did you just write the same formula twice?'
He stopped writing and looked at his walls properly. He did actually.
Strange.
Five turned around only to find Vanya trying to hide her smile behind her hair again. Alright, maybe, just maybe, like one second in like a month his eyes land on her lips and his mind just create this little thought as a bubble wondering if they are just as soft as they look like before it bursts and he thinks about something else. And that is a big maybe.
He swallowed a bit, 'It's supposed to be that way.'
Vanya nodded, but it was clear she was the one who now thought he was the bad liar.
'If you say so.'
He gritted his teeth a bit before he jumped from the bed. He didn't like if people saw him weak, not even her, not yet at least. It would take a while for him to open up even to her.
'So what? You want to try it?' he asked trying to sound more confident than he felt.
Suddenly her smile was gone and she looked nervous again, 'Oh, why?'
'I don't know. You kept bringing it up,' he said feeling a bit frustrated if she rejected him.
'I'm just curious,' she said and stood up.
He crossed his arms, 'Well, then consider it a way to satisfy your curiosity.'
She looked like she was the one thinking now and for a moment he thought she would say no. Five was surprised how unsettling the thought of her rejecting him made him feel.
Strange indeed.
'Alright,' she said finally and Five was impressed how confident she sounded when she looked like she wanted to run out of the room any moment now.
'Alright,' he agreed, but nothing happened as they both remained standing there looking unsure at each other.
Vanya shook her head and took a step closer, 'We should probably...,' she pointed between the two of them and Five nodded taking a step closer to her as well, 'Yes, of course.'
They stopped in front of each other looking at each other without a single word for a couple of moments before Five thought it was embarrassing enough and leaned toward her nearly kissing her on the nose before he successfully landed on her lips.
What do you know? They're very soft.
He leaned away from her but didn't step back just looking at her and waiting for a reaction. It was just a small brush of one person's lips to another. He supposed they were nicely soft and his stomach did that strange flip it sometimes did, but this time it wasn't so unpleased, but it wasn't anything ground breaking.
'It was nice,' said Vanya and when she touched her lips Five felt a bit...well he couldn't explain it. Proud and worried mixed all together inside his stomach making him feel warm on the face and a bit dizzy but in a good way? It was very hard to explain really.
'Yes, it wasn't bad,' he tried to stay neutral knowing he failed.
Vanya looked at him again and let her fingers leave her lips. She almost reached out and touched his but she stopped herself and opened her mouth as if to ask or say something when she just leaned closer and kissed him again.
His hands were left uselessly by his sides as the kiss lasted a couple of moments before she leaned away and smiled, 'It's nice. I think I will like kissing.'
His eyes were on hers for a couple of moments before he found his voice and nodded, 'Yeah, it's...it's nice.'
Nice. Didn't. Even. Come. Close
He smiled at her a bit. Not smirk or grin as he usually does but actually smiled. They never talk about it afterwards. Although now it was definitely more than one second that he looked over at her lips and thought about kissing her. Not that he would admit it to anyone.
Now
One moment the house was being torn apart by Vanya and in the next a gunshot ripped all the noises into silence or in Five's case through the silence of his deafness to actual hear things around him.
He got up from under the man with the gun and looked around. He saw Diego helping up Mom and Allison getting up. Who he didn't saw was Vanya...at least not at first.
'Oh my God,' he heard Klaus cried out, 'What did you? Vanya, what did you do?' he cried like a little boy looking at something. Five's head snapped to the direction he was looking at, but he couldn't see her there. Why was his brother screaming at an empty space?
He didn't understand and his head hurt. Did his stitches broke? His side hurt like hell now.
He continued to limp. Where was she? Where the hell was she? His legs were shaking but he walked a bit further to where she was standing before only to find her on the ground now.
'V-van-,' he rushed to her kneeling next o her and touching her face, 'Vanya?'
She was so pale now almost white. Why was she so white?
His fingers brushed over some sticky liquid.
Despite how observant he was it took him a moment to see the gun in her right hand and the blood coming from the side of her head.
No...
She...
She shot herself.
'Oh my God, oh my god...she-she,' he heard Klaus mumbling to himself as the others slowly started to circle them around, but all he could see or focus on was her dead woman in his arms.
'Vanya?' he spoke her name quietly everything coming into his mind all at once.
I don't want to hurt anyone. They're going to make me do it, aren't they? They're going to make me cause the apocalypse over and over again until I just do. Five, I can't hurt you. Five, I-I-I...I love you...I love you more than...I love you more than I love myself, do you understand?
Now he realized what she said to him. He couldn't hear her, but she said...she said...and he said...
I love you
...
Just trust me.
Always.
...
'So you would wait eight years?'
'I would wait forever for you.'
...
'Maybe we could stay forever. In the cabin…just the two of us.'
...
'You're leaving.'
…
'You changed my locks?'
'You're a control freak, that's what you are.'
...
'Just something nice you said to me the other day.'
'Oh? Do tell, I want to know what will earn me a smile like that again.'
...
'I...I need you close. I always need you close.'
'I need you close too.'
...
'Five?'
'Yes, Vanya?'
'If you must leave-'
'-I told you I won't ever-'
'-don't ever leave without a goodbye.'
...
I love you
He thought there was nothing more which could hurt him anymore. He thought nothing was worse than loneliness he felt in the apocalypse or the emptiness which the commission left inside him after they made him a killer, but this...this was without a doubt the worst pain he ever felt in his entire life. The pain of holding someone you love with all your soul, mind and body dead in your arms.
He brushed her hair a bit remembering how it used to tickle him when they slept in the same bed. It still was so soft.
'Five,' he heard Diego telling him something, but he couldn't take his eyes off of her as if he was half expecting her to wake up any moment and wanted him to be the first thing she would see. Always wanting to be the first person she would see in the morning.
'Five, s-s-she's gone,' stuttered his brother.
When he put his hand on Five's shoulder he jerked it away and finally let her go standing up, 'No... She's not. Not yet...'
'Five,' started Luther, but he full on ignored him and instead he closed his eyes gathering all his strength for what he was about to do. The pain from his side was pushed away as well as the one from his head.
When he was younger he wanted to go to the future. He wanted to know what the future held for them in store. He wanted to visit future first and then go to the past to stop their father from catching him and Vanya in the bedroom.
Now he had a different idea, a better one. He would just go yes, but not the future. No, he would go somewhere much better, where he would be able to change all of this.
To save her. To heal her. To teach her.
'Five, please,' he heard Diego again, but he ignored him as well and pushed the tears which were gathering in his eyes as far away as possible before he finally let himself jump.
I love you... I love you more than I love myself too, Vanya.
To be continue...
A.N: Yeah, now you probably hate me. Sorry for this, but to be completely honest this was what I wanted to put here since the beginning of the story. I applied the warning on Ao3 and everything. I would have warned you, but spoilers? Still, I felt awful writing about this even if it was my idea and made sense for where I wanted to take the story.
As for Five, I wanted to leave the impression to be shock or denial in his case before the actual meltdown since he will indeed time travel to safe her. Again sorry. I am so evil.
As for Vanya with the way things happened in this story I just felt that she would be the first person who would take it upon herself to try and protect everyone. I wanted her to be sort of a tragic hero/victim of this story since in canon she was tragic victim/villain.
Next chapter probably until Friday or Saturday. Maybe sooner, but no promises as always :(
I also updated The Touch so you can have something warm and fluffy to read after this.
Also I don't know if this won't be a mistake but I will start another story which was spoiled here already. It will be called The Cabin. So far I have the prologue but if you read this chapter you pretty much can guess what will it be about. I'm obsessed with F/V ship right now so I need to express my feeling and love for them much as possible until S02 :D
Again sorry don't hate me and enjoy if that is even possible...gosh, I'm such a terrible person :(