27 years ago
When Number Five teleported to the past, he knew all the risks of what could have happened. Time travelling was a toss of a coin, he could ended up just in the same moment before Vanya pulled the trigger, or the second before Luther locked her up, or three thousand years before they were even born. At this point however, he didn't care. He didn't care as he needed to go, he needed to try. The moment the gunshot broke through the silence of his deafness, he knew he needed to go back and stop this somehow. Anywhere would be better than right here.
Time travelling as amazing and magnificent it sounded when he was young, fucking sucked.
He ended up on the floor coughing. Teleporting could be exhausting and even painful if he did it too many times, but time travelling was worse, so much worse even if he only did it once.
He tried to get up slowly his fingers digging into the carpet under him. He was inside a room...
Vanya's lifeless face flashed through his eyes but he shook his head.
No, no, focus! It doesn't matter! You time travelled! She's not dead! She's not dead yet! You can still save her!
'Who're you?' asked a small child voice causing Five to froze for a second before he rose his head and found a little child in a long white nighty looking at him from the doorway of their lounge. Holy shit! He travelled back, but to what time? He house felt different.
His eyes widened as the girl walked closer. She looked about three or four years old and so incredibly small, but he recognized her. He recognized the little thing instantly.
'Vanya,' he said and the little girl titled her head smiling a bit.
'Hi.'
He wanted to cry. He wanted to reach out of her and cry like a baby, but instead he closed his eyes trying to calm himself down. The last thing he needed was to freak her out and cause her to scream for Pogo or dad or a nanny.
He opened his eyes startled a bit that the girl was now directly in front of him looking at him, her eyes sparkling with curiosity and wonder. Something he never saw in Vanya's eyes before. Probably because this was before their father's cruel words, and ignorance and before he broke her spirit and before Five himself left and made her just so broken knowing everyone always left or rejected her.
'Hi,' he said softly hearing his own voice was weak.
The little girl smiled at him before she rose her little hand and touched his cheek right under where he assumed he had a bruise from the fight.
'Are you hurt?' she asked in hushed voice looking at the bruise, 'Nanny says we have to say if we're hurt.'
'No,' he said and shook his head and whispered back at her, 'I'm...alright.'
He had to clench his fist so he wouldn't start crying. She was fucking four years old and still so caring and just so Vanya like even if she was still just Number Seven it broke his heart all over again.
Vanya looked away before she skipped a bit finding interested in a lamp next to him as she started to turn it on and off.
Five tried to get a hold of himself.
He travelled back, but he travelled too far. Vanya was only a child and so were the rest of them, but this was good, this meant he would have to go somewhere to the future maybe just a bit...maybe just a little bit so he would change the equation on his wall when he was thirteen and make himself not jump to the future and get stuck, so he wouldn't leave her. If he didn't leave her everything would be different.
'Seven,' he heard another whisper come from the doorway. He froze in place as Vanya turned on the light and he recognized his four year old self in the doorway frowning at him.
Five looked over at Seven who smiled at his younger self before she turned to him and pointed at his younger self, 'That's Five, we're married and we're playing hide and seek but don't tell the nanny.'
His eyes widened because he definitely did not remember that.
'M-married?' he repeated the word slowly.
Vanya nodded and gave him a smile while younger Five continued to frown at him, but he didn't look embarrassed by it.
'Yes, she's my wife,' he said and nodded as if he was making a point.
Five didn't know what to think about it or if he should. Somewhere in the absolute back of his mind, he remembered the nanny reading them some fairytales before father forbid it, and he remembered someone was talking about how princesses and princes married each other, but he just thought that was Luther and Allison. Jesus, just how long has he been crushing on Vanya?
'Okay,' he said and watched as his younger self started to walk toward them frowning at him before he took Vanya's hand and tried to make her step away from him, 'Who're you?'
Of course even as a kid he was a suspicious and protective of Vanya little shit.
'James,' he said automatically knowing if it wasn't for the situation and the pain of witnessing the woman you love die, he would probably smirk at the personal joke.
'What do you want?' asked his younger self clearly not happy about Vanya having a new friend. Not that he blame him. This sort of behaviour was something he definitely expected from himself and couldn't help, but find it as universal karma that he had to deal with himself. Gosh, he really could be a little annoying shit couldn't he?
Vanya pulled at his younger self's hand, 'Don't be mean.'
Five swallowed a bit feeling the pain on his side getting worse. He couldn't stay here. Reginald would never believe him and even so he would only suppress Vanya's powers as usual. Not to mention if the commission came looking for him, which they will, they would find two Number Fives in this timeline without a problem. That were the sort of anomalies they hunted for sport. He couldn't let his younger self get hurt or worse killed or he would be erased as well.
He motioned for the two to come closer and watched as his younger self came unwillingly only because Vanya pulled his hand. Gosh, could it be that ever though she was so young and he looked so different she recognized him, or could she feel he meant no harm even if he looked like this? Could it be that somehow they always trusted themselves like this? Recognized each other like this even trough time? Were close like this even if they met for the first time in a way?
He carefully put both of his hands on each other them and looked from one to another. He knew nothing he would say at this moment would have any real meaning in the future since he himself couldn't remember sneaking up with Vanya to play when they were this little.
'Take care of each other, okay?' he told them before he got up.
'Where are you going?' asked his younger self.
'To the future,' he smirked before he teleported again this time changing the equations a bit.
17 years ago
He took a couple of deep breaths. It still fucking sucked but at least he didn't collapses like before. He looked around recognizing his own room during the day. He peaked outside to the hallway. The whole house appeared silent. Where was everybody? He needed to find out what year it was.
He quickly started to look through his room until he noticed his walls. He was working on time travelling equations, so he had to be at least twelve or older. He was close, but not yet at the end which meant it was before he jumped maybe a week mostly two.
He got out of his room only to catch a glimpse of Vanya slowly walking into her own room. His feet moved on his own as he rushed after her the pain from his wound forgotten for a moment.
She was sitting on her bed starting out of the window.
'Vanya,' he breathed out. She didn't even look at him. It didn't matter. She was alive. She was still alive and here now. She was still breathing, no bullet wound or blood. She was right here in front of him.
Five rushed toward her and pulled her into an embrace but she was like a doll not responding.
He leaned away and put his hands on her cheeks, 'Vanya? Vanya...'
Her eyes were so distant. He closed his eyes feeling the anger run through him. He remembered now. This was after their father caught them sharing a bed and forced her to take more pills making her into a zombie. This was why he wanted to time travel. He wanted to go see a happier future for them and then change the past so their father wouldn't find them, so Luther wouldn't rat them out.
'Number Five,' whispered Vanya her voice without any emotion like it was just an shallow echo of her real voice which always made his day just because he could hear her and knew she was there with him, always by his side.
'I'll fix this. I promise. I'll fix it,' he told her, but she didn't even blink just watched him her eyes so...lost and unfocused.
He leaned toward her and pressed a desperate kiss to her forehead. He would fix all of it. He promised himself. Despite everything inside him rioting against it, he let go of her and walked out of the room. He couldn't stay. Despite how desperately he wanted to take her away and throw out her pills, he knew if he did so, his younger self who was still here would try to find her, there was no doubt about that.
Five left her room knowing she probably didn't even move from the bed before he rushed back to his own. He went over the series of formulas on his wall. He needed to find the mistake he made which caused him to end up in 2019. He only meant to do three jumps to August 2002 to December 2002 and then to May 2003 and then come back, but he made an error and ended up in April 2019 instead. Over the long and painful decades there, he even came to realization of what was the mistake, but his powers refused to be working in the wasteland correctly so he couldn't go back until much later.
His eyes scared his handwriting until they stopped and he was left utterly confused.
This...isn't possible.
He watched his own handwriting knowing he could see it with his own eyes, but still found it hard to believe.
He didn't make a mistake. All was correct, all was calculated correctly, then why didn't it work like it should have?
He ran his fingers though his hair ready to pull it out because how was this possible? What happened?
He swallowed hard trying to calm down and reminded himself he only had God knew how much time before his younger self and the rest of his siblings would return from their mission.
Still, it made no sense, how could he get stuck if he didn't make a mistake, how could he...
He froze in place...because he made a mistake later...
His eyes fell on the number 29 which he later incorrectly assumed it was 58. Why or how he came to the conclusion that 29 was supposed to be 58 he couldn't remember, because he didn't make that conclusion. Someone else made it for him.
He felt sick not just from the wounds and pain, but from the realization that as impossible as it sounded, someone purposely changed his equations to make a mistake which caused him to end up stuck in the apocalypse, which Vanya caused. For a brief moment he thought if it wasn't just a prank by one of his brother or perhaps their father or maybe even the commission just trying to fuck him over, until he realized he would notice if the numbers weren't in his hand writing. He always noticed everything.
Five understood now, that it was his future self just as he was now which had to make the mistake so that he would go to the future try and stop the apocalypse and try and stop Vanya.
He punched the headboard of his bed.
'Fuck!'
This was terrible, a disaster even. What was he supposed to do now? He was supposed to stop himself from going to the future so he would stay with Vanya, but now...how could he? If he never time travel commission would caught on to it, not to mention who was to say he would reconnect with Vanya if he was just a thirteen year old kid scared of their father shipping her off to England?
Ridiculous really.
He chuckled in desperation.
He couldn't even trust himself.
Fuck it all.
He grabbed the pen and turned the 29 into 58 before he stepped away, before he would change his mind and cause even more problems.
Vanya felt guilty for trapping him in the hell of her creation, but the true was he personally send himself there, and he would do it gladly all over again if it meant he had a shot at saving her.
The things we do for love...
He heard voices and footsteps approaching quickly. He didn't have time to waist. He focused once again feeling that he was getting tired each other before he time travelled once more.
17 years ago – new timeline
Five time travelled seven seconds into the moment he knew he time jumped for the first time in his life. The day, the moment he ran away and got stuck in the future.
He was surprised to say the least when he saw Vanya in front of him covering her eyes as the light from the time travelling must have blinded her for a moment.
'V-vanya,' he said feeling his voice so much weaker now. Time travelling so many times was incredibly tiring and he felt like passing out, but the moment he saw her alive, safe and finally not numb from those fucking meds, knowing that this was where he was staying, that he was not going anywhere until he fucking fix it. He just lost it...
Vanya opened her mouth like she wanted to ask something, but he cut her off by pulling her into a tight hug almost collapsing on top of her. He wanted to pure all his desperation and joy that he had her there in his arms alive into the hug knowing he was probably scaring her since he never hugged her like this before.
'Five,' she breathed his name against his shoulder as she hesitantly put her arms around him.
He knew they didn't use to hug. He knew this. He knew he was probably freaking her out more than anything, but fuck he couldn't just deal with any of that now. She was here, and he was not leaving her. Hell, he wasn't letting her out of his sight for the next fifty or more years because he was in no way letting anything happen to her ever again.
The pain hit him in full wave.
I love you...
'W-what happened to you?' she asked so confused. Her voice so sweet, and concerned and just so young. She was a child, but she was here and she was alive and not a zombie influenced by her pills, and he just lost her and he had to control himself around her past selves, but not this one, because this wasn't a past self. This was Vanya, the one and the only and the present one, and he was not letting her go no matter what.
'Number Five! Number Seven! This behaviour is inexcusable. Come inside at once!' said their father as he walked outside.
Five felt Vanya shiver in his arms, but he couldn't let her go. He couldn't let her leave him again.
'If you must leave-'
'-I told you I won't ever-'
'-don't ever leave without a goodbye.'
She made him promise, but she was the one who left without one in the end, just shooting herself making sure he wouldn't see her, wouldn't stop her. His ridiculously caring and brave Vanya.
'Please,' whispered Five pressed even closer against her. He couldn't let her go...
'Please, come with me...let's go away...please Vanya-'
'Number Seven, step away from Number Five immediately,' said her father his voice cruel and dominant, but Vanya didn't break the embrace, she didn't move away or push him away. She remained in his arms even if she flinched every time their father spoke.
'NUMBER SEVEN!'
Five wanted to tell him to shut the fuck up already, but he felt Vanya's arms tightened around him before she nodded against his shoulder. It was all the confirmation he needed before he teleported with her to the other side of the street knowing their father would not have time to catch them for now.
She let out a gasp trying to catch her breath apparently holding onto Five for dear life for a moment. She must have been in shock as his past version never did such a thing such a thing with her.
'Five, did you just teleported with me?' she asked her voice showing signs she was stunned and in awe from the experience and he felt the stabbing pain in his heart return as he remembered how he first time travelled with her.
'Admit it, there's a bit of a thrill to have yourself be pushed like that through such a small space.'
'Say that I'm right.'
'You're a control freak, that's what you are.'
He painfully remembered their flirtation in the attic.
'There's a motel near. It will take him a while to find us,' mumbled Five against her before he finally allowed himself to let her go. He had to hold himself together. She was here, wasn't she? Even if she didn't remember anything about their past or her future did it even matter? It didn't for him. All that mattered was that she was alive and safe and he could protect her now. He would protect her now with his life, and he will save her.
He started to limp toward what she assumed was the direction of the mentioned motel.
'Five,' she called rushing after him, 'please stop. Look at me,' she took his hand which finally made him pause and look at her hand for a moment before he looked up at her face.
She's here and she's still Vanya...
'Are you really here?' he asked a small, the smallest part of him, still needing to ask, if it wasn't just his mind playing tricks on him. If maybe he didn't just go inside from the fucking feeling of having your heart burnt out of your chest after watching the woman you love die on the ground. He wasn't sure anymore. He wasn't sure about anything. He time travelled and signed himself up to a live in hell literally, he lost her and now he was here in his thirteen year old body surrounded by their thirteen year old siblings and he had no idea if he made the right decision or not, but fuck it he needed to be with her at least for a while alone. Just with her.
She furiously nodded, 'Of course. You can see me can't you? You can feel me, right?' she asked and squeezed his hand.
His eyes moved to their hands. He could feel her, and touch her so she had to be here. She had to be alive.
'I suppose...Klaus used to say dead don't feel like anything. You can't touch the dead,' he tried to apply logical reasoning to his fears and madness.
He watched her hands. They were here. They were alive. He had time...gosh, he had so much time. He could fix it. He could save her. She was alive. She was here and alive and so painfully young, but she was here.
She wasn't dead anymore. There wasn't blood coming out of her head anymore. She wasn't crying anymore. She wasn't...
'You were so cold...'
Her hand landed on his shoulder, 'Five, focus for a moment, alright?' her voice was soft.
'We'll get to the motel and talk,' she suggested and brought him back to the moment.
'You will come with me,' he asked and she nodded, 'Of course, lead the way?'
He spotted the front desk unattended at their arrival and teleported to snatch the key from one of the rooms.
He got her in feeling the pain from his side spreading and the affecting his vision. He was feeling dizzy. How long was it since he broke his stitches? He was sure it was during the explosion when they fell to the ground with Vanya or maybe after the shooting...
He pushed closed all the curtains in the room with his head spinning now. He wouldn't last much longer.
No, no, he had to. He had to fix himself. He didn't just made himself jump to the wasteland to suffer for decades for nothing. He didn't just do that to faint in a motel room.
'Five, seriously, what's wrong?' she asked worried. She sounded so worried, he couldn't fully see her face clearly as he was getting more and more tired, but he could hear it in her sweet teenage voice. She was so young...
I love you...
'It's nothing. Don't bother with it. Just-just please...don't leave,' he said and closed his eyes his lips twisting in a pained expression as the pain once again shot through him. He was freaking her out. He was freaking himself out, because he felt...he felt...
Her voice came as if from a distance...why? Did she go somewhere? Did she leave...?
'I'm not leaving, but Five...you don't look so good. Maybe...maybe mom or Pogo if not dad-'
'Don't tell anyone. Just...let's stay here...just for a while,' he spoke not sure where he was anymore as the while room went dark. He needed to lay down for a bit.
'I-I just need a moment to think and rest and then I'll be good,' he said and nodded several times or so he thought.
'Five?' asked Vanya. Oh...sweet thirteen year old Vanya always looking so corned and caring and loving. How could he not see this sooner? How could he be such an idiot and fell for Monocle's threats and leave her like this? How?!
'It's nothing-,' he said before the dark consumed him completely.
17 years ago- old timeline
Five felt excited. He knew he was being ridiculous and maybe even causing suspicious with his knee bouncing during dinner and the way Diego kept looking over at him raising his eyebrows at him, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't keep it inside him. Not really. He read about the alignment of the planets in one of the books which predicted the next one starting this week. He wanted to see it. His first thought was to tell Vanya and ask her if she wanted to come with him.
As he prepared for it, he figured he could ask their siblings as well. They started to sneak out together to go to Griddy's so maybe it would be the nice thing to do to ask them, but the more he thought about it, the less he liked the thought of all of them being there.
He wanted…he sort of only wanted Vanya to be there with him. He knew he was spending time with her, a lot, more than with the rest of his family, but he just…the whole thing felt pretty special as it only happened once every decade or so, and he felt he wanted to share it only with her. Then again it made sense since he liked her to most from all his siblings and spent the most time with her, even sharing a bed with her.
So he decided to only ask her to come in the end. He liked the thought far more, and he would just sneak out with his siblings next time to make up for it. He felt buzzed with excitement.
He waited the appropriate amount of time before the lights went off and everyone including the adults went to sleep before he poked Vanya who also fell asleep, awake.
Vanya groaned as she felt Five poking at her shoulder, 'What?'
'Come on, we're going out for an adventure, remember?' he said and couldn't help a smirk form on his lips. He wanted to see how would she react and what would she say and just…he wanted to show her.
'What?' she asked so sleepy. He almost felt bad that he woke her up, but he really wanted to show her.
'Something extraordinary?' he hinted and she closed her eyes momentarily sinking back into sleep before he violently shoved the covers away from her, 'Get up before I make you.'
She opened her eyes again and sat up. He knew that would work.
'Should I get dressed?' she asked slowly before she yawned.
'Only if you don't want to get hypothermia,' he told her honestly.
She groaned again and went to her wardrobe as Five teleported to his room to change before he reappeared and went to her window.
'Whoa, what are you doing?' she went to stop him as he pushed it up all the way.
'It will be safer than going down the stairs. I don't want others to see us,' he clarified, and looked down making sure no one was around to see them there either.
'Is something the matter? I thought you didn't mind going out with others,' she said something like worry in her voice.
'Hm?' he asked one foot already out of the window, 'Yeah, no, I like it. It's hilarious to watch food competitions between Luther and Diego and then bet who will throw up first, but this…I just wanted to show it just to you,' he said and frowned a bit stopping in his movement as he realized something. This was something he wanted. He didn't know if she did. Maybe she thought they were spending too much time together and wanted some alone time. It didn't even occur to him. He was so caught up with just wanting to show her his new toy that he didn't even consider her feelings or that maybe she was his most liked from the house, but he wasn't hers.
'Unless, you don't want to,' he said slowly giving her the option of making her own choice, but Vanya must have catch the small worry in his voice that she actually wouldn't want to go with him because she offered him her best smile, 'Don't be silly. Of course, I do, I just thought something was wrong.'
He was satisfied with her answer before he looked down and said, 'Alright, I need you to trust me and be very very careful, alright?' he asked knowing that this wasn't the usual thing Vanya was used to. She didn't have physical exercise the way they did so she probably wasn't quick on reflexes or physical shape.
'If I fall and break something, I blame you,' she told him as he was out of the window, 'If you fall and break something, I will run away and join the circus because dad would probably kill me.'
'For breaking the rules sure,' she said nonchalant, but the thought cause him to shiver before he reminded himself he wouldn't let her. He would catch her of course.
'For getting you hurt,' he said seeing that she followed his steps carefully making sure she stepped exactly where he did.
'I don't think dad would care enough for that, but it would be very mean of you to cause my injury and run away on me,' she told him as they slowly moved through the wall.
Five easily jumped over the empty space to the drain waiting for. This was the worst part because Vanya had to literally jump the two steps to the drain to be able to get down.
He could see she hesitated and he didn't blame her, she was literally going to jump on the second floor with no hand holding or step. Now that they were actually here he felt his own confidence shaking a bit.
'Hey, it's alright,' he spoke suddenly and rose his brows as he asked, 'You trust me, right?'
He didn't even get an answer before Vanya jumped toward him and the drain.
Now he could see, she wouldn't make it so he quickly jumped as well dragging her to the drain by her shoulder smashing her body against it and keeping his over hers to make sure she wouldn't fall down since she wasn't holding any of the metallic bars on the drain in the moment. He was keeping her in place for a couple of felt sick to his stomach as he realized what just happened, she jumped and almost fell down because of him. Suddenly he wasn't confident about it at all.
Neither of them move for a good while as Five was trying to calm himself.
She's fine. You caught her, and she's fine.
But I'm not…
He wasn't. She almost fell because of him. He didn't even consider that she would, but seeing her was very scary. If he was slower, if his reflexes weren't so good, if he waited a second longer...
Fuck
'Move your foot to the left there is a small metallic bar,' said Five his voice sounding a bit off even to himself as he felt the fear consuming his heart.
'Are you okay?' he whispered into her ear after he felt her foot find the bar to step on.
She pressed her head against the drain, her voice a bit shaken, 'Yeah….no.'
He chuckled a bit from the stress of the situation his hand brushing her back maybe to calm himself more than to calm her.
'Don't worry. We'll go through the door on the way back.' No way in hell he was ever doing something as dangerous as this with her again.
She nodded just as he took her hand and put it on another metallic bar. He shifted a bit against her before he put her other hand in place.
'I'm gonna climb down first. Don't let go, until you feel both feet are steadily on one of the bars, alright?' he asked his voice still edgy.
He patted her back a bit awkwardly as she nodded. He wished he didn't have to let her go at all, but there was no other way for them to get down so he did making sure he would stay close in case she lost a bar and God forbid fell.
'Are you alright?' asked Five and she nodded before looking at him once they were down. She could have fallen. He was such a colossal idiot. He got so excited, he put her life in danger. He felt so disappointed in himself more than ever. Not even father's harsh words ever made him feel like this.
She took his hand into hers, probably seeing in his eyes how upset he was about it all, 'I'm fine. Thanks for keeping me safe.'
His eyes softened, the fear fading away, but he was still a bit tense as he nodded and pointed to the backyard.
There was a large blanket on the grass. She didn't let his hand go and neither did he hers as he walked her toward it.
He laid down, and she followed his lead lying upside down from him. His heart was still racing a bit too fast.
'Today is the first day of the clustering,' said Five suddenly while looking up feeling a bit better now that they were here safe and sound watching the sky, 'What's that?'
'The alignment of the planets. Last time it occurred was in 1997,' he explained to her, 'Oh, so we can see them?'
He pointed each of the planet naming them, 'Five of them at least. Venus, Mars, Saturn, Jupiter, and Mercury.'
He felt her snuggle into the blanket a bit as Five proceeded to tell her about his knowledge of astronomy and the sighting. She was always a good listener.
'It feels strange doesn't it?' she asked suddenly surprising even herself after a moment of silence on both ends.
'What does?' he asked curious. He was always curious after one of his theories or lectures about what she wanted to say. Something he just wished they could talk for hours discussing their ideas and hopes and dreams. Just lay together somewhere and talk just the two of them. Sometimes, it was enough. He didn't need to be clever than the others, or time travel, or beat up bad guys, and get rewards, sometimes just being close to Vanya and talking to her in hushed voices was enough to make him feel good about life…happy even. Other times however, it felt like nothing could satisfy him, and he was going nowhere always in the same circles.
'Well, we're here right now just so insignificant compare to the larger picture, to the whole planet, to the universe. If something happened and we would die the world would just keep on spinning like nothing happened. Like someone could just invent the cure for cancer and yet in the universe it wouldn't even make a different,' she said and he felt like she knocked the air out of his lungs. It was something he was worried about at times too, now more than ever after the old man once again shot him down. He had been working on his equations for months and months, he wanted to achieve greatness, he wanted to prove himself to his father, to the world to everyone…but mostly to himself. He wanted to achieve something worth remembering him for. Not just as number Five, one of the Umbrella Academy, but something of his own. His own.
'Something it scares me as well,' he found himself confessing. There were moments just like this one, where he felt so small almost pocketsize and vulnerable and the only person he felt he could be with like this, was with her.
'What does?' she echoed his previous question with her hand finding his behind his head and pulling it from under him to grip.
'That…I will never achieve anything which will matter,' he said his voice strange, sadder, almost lonely. He felt a bit lonely in that moment. He wondered if people felt like that too…
She leaned on her side to look at his profile, he could sense her gaze, 'How come? Five, you're the most incredibly person I know. I can't imagine you not achieving something great and magnificent.'
He turned his head to look at her. They were upside down, it felt weird to see her like this. He had the strangest urge to lean forward and kiss her again just like they did all those weeks ago. He pushed it away and thought about the answer.
'Dad says I'm an idiot when I talk about my theories,' he confessed changing the course of his thoughts. She looked surprised by his confession, which made sense, he knew he acted like an overconfident knowitall jerk at times.
'Dad says a lot of things. He also thinks I'm a useless tool and yet you told me I'm not. He can't be wrong about one and but right about the other one, now can he?' she asked him logically and watched as an upside down smile pulled at his face. He felt like he only ever smiled like this for her.
'You're starting to show,' he said and tickled her cheek a bit with his fingers. Her skin was so soft, 'I'm being a bad influence on you.'
She grinned, 'Maybe you're starting to show. All this anxiety. Careful or dad will make you make my pills.'
They watched each other for a moment before she spoke, 'I know dad says hurtful things, but don't let them get you. You're Number Five. You're…the most brilliant person I know.'
His fingers stoke her cheek again. Maybe it was the illusion of the light from the stars, but he thought she was blushing, 'You really think so?'
'Of course. That's why you're my favourite.'
Oh, now he was positive he was the one blushing. She really said that. He felt the knot in his stomach tightening as he watched her like this. Sometimes he felt so strange around her, nervous and intense, but…he was starting to actually like the feeling.
'You're my favourite too,' he confessed and she giggled in that way which made the knot flip inside his stomach. It was a decision without further thinking as he rolled toward her and pressed an upside down kiss to her forehead.
'Oh,' she let out a bit startled, but he couldn't meet her eyes and rolled on his back again.
He wondered if he should have apologized but felt her fingers touch the side of his face and smiled a bit. He still felt embarrassed not sure what came over him, but also glad he did it. It felt nice. Everything with her felt...nice.
'Wake up,' was the first thing Five heard as he opened his eyes seeing Vanya looking at him with the dim blue sky behind her.
His eyes widened as he realized what just happened. They overslept on the grass outside of the house.
'Crap,' he mumbled under his breath. He felt cold and soak from sleeping like this. Well, shit.
They needed to pack the blanket and get back into the house. This time they used the window on the bottom floor and then up the stairs. They had to be quick to get ready as the alarm got on and presentable during breakfast even when Vanya's hair was a mess. They easily dodged Klaus's comment about Vanya's hair and went on with their day. He couldn't help, but remain the good mood until the rest of it even if he slept in soak clothes. It was worth it and from the way Vanya sighed and crawled closer to him during the night the smile never leaving her face even after she fell asleep, it was worth it to her as well.
Now
'Five?'
'Yes, Vanya?'
'If you must leave-'
'-I told you I won't ever-'
'-don't ever leave without a goodbye.'
Why didn't you safe me, Five?
Five sat up gasping for air as he broke free from the tortures dream which showed him everything from their confessions to Vanya's accusation.
'Vanya,' he said looking all over the place, his eyes adjusting to the room he was in. He needed to see her. It was just a dream, right? She was here...right? She had to be...He needed her...
Vanya...
'Five-Five, it's me. I'm here,' said a voice. It sounded like her but different, younger. Why did it sound so young? For a moment, he couldn't remember until he suddenly saw her in front of him as if she appeared out of air.
He blinked at her for a couple of moments before he put his hands covered in dried blood on her cheeks. She was warm which meant she wasn't dead, 'You're here. You're alive.'
'Of course,' she said so lightly, so casually. She was too young. She didn't re-live through all those things. She didn't understand them...she didn't understand him and his struggles and sorrows.
He let his hands fall from her face to and looked around trying to calculate the situation at hand, 'What happened? I fainted?'
She nodded, 'Yeah.'
He looked at his shirt which was unbuttoned before he pushed it open to look at his wound.
'You stitched me up again?' he asked surprised and confused which made Vanya want to laugh apparently. Still, she was thirteen, a child, and she stitched him up and did a quite decent job at it too from the looks of it.
'Yeah, I saw mom do it like a million of times after your missions so I just...I don't know. It was like a reflex. You said people in traumatic situations either shut down or the adrenaline kicks in and they find a way to solve the problem. I guess I did the second one.'
He didn't remember telling her that, but it was years since he last saw thirteen year old Vanya, so it was possible.
She giggled, 'Not bad for a first timer.'
She let out that sound again. That sound of joy, a giggle which always made his stomach tight in a knot and flipping. It was a magical sound, he used to be so nervous by it, not knowing why was he feeling the way he was when he heard it, but now he knew. Now he knew.
He loved her.
Gosh, he loved her so much...
He loved her since he was a kid, and then he loved her in that hellish places, and then he loved her when commission stripped him off the last bits of his humanity he had left, and then he loved her when he came back and he was in the wrong body, and he loved her when she died in his arms and now he loved her when she was too young. He just...love her so much...he wasn't good with emotions. He full on sucked at them. He didn't let people know what he was feeling, in the apocalypse it was just him and with Dolores there was only so much he dared himself to feel and tell her, with the commission feelings were a burden. The only person he ever dared to see inside him, see him, see all of him, was Vanya...and he loved her completely and stupidly and he let her die.
His hand was on her cheek suddenly and she blushed under his intense look.
'Uh, F-five?' her voice sounded different, almost the same as when she was older.
'I love you,' he said and her eyes widened as the shock fell upon her.
'Wh-'
'I love you, more than I love myself, and I know that you don't understand it yet. You're so young now, but I love you,' he said knowing he was probably scarying and confusing her and maybe ruining any chance they might have in the future, but he needed all so desperate to say it to her at least once. At least once while she was here with him and could hear him... 'I always loved you and I always will,' he said with confidence. Even if he fucked everything up, even if he was wrong about every single decision in his life, this is what he knew. He knew it with all his heart, body and mind. If people had souls he could feel it even there. He knew it in his past, present and future self. He had completely and without a doubt or a chance out of it, fallen in love with her. Everything she did, everything she said, everything she was. She was the first thought in the morning, and the last thought in the night before he went to sleep, and almost every thought or dream in between. She was a constant figure in his mind.
Vanya blinked looking so lost and confused by his confession it was enough to break that stupidly hurt heart of his all over again. How? How was it fair that he got to love someone so much it filled him so profoundly with love and then have it ripped from his fingers and throw back mocking him into his face like this? Was he truly such a terrible monster that he deserved this? What about Vanya? What could the sweetest and most caring creature on this fuckedup planet do that she deserved to be linked to his drama to his karma or whatever the hell this purgatory was?
'I...I love you too,' she said slowly sounding a bit unsure.
'You don't understand what that means yet,' he said knowing he caught her off guard and causing her to frown a bit annoyed. He could always read her so easily right now. She didn't understand what she was saying. He knew she loved him as well. Just like him, she was a victim of this from the start, but she didn't understand it yet. For now it was a childish crush at best, nothing compare to the intense and maddening feeling of belonging, possessiveness and hurt he felt for her every second he was breathing.
He looked away before he took a deep breath and let his hands fall from her face. Before she could say anything to him he continued, 'Listen to me very carefully alright?' he asked. He didn't have time for confessions and dwelling on his complicated situation. He had a new mission now, a goal, to save her and protect her, and he needed to put the time he had left in good use.
'There is something which is going on. Something bad and you have to trust me, do you trust me?' he asked carefully.
'Always,' she said in a heartbeat and it was like someone stabbed him again.
She took his hand again, 'Five?'
He shook his head fighting away the pain and losing.
'That's not important right now. The only thing which is important is that you do as I tell you. First do not take two pills. Don't tell dad, take one and the second hide, alright?'
She blinked.
'Alright?' he asked his voice very demanding and a bit scary. He knew, but he needed her to do as he said.
Vanya nodded, 'Alright.'
'Good,' he nodded too squeezing her hand reassuringly, 'Second, under any circumstances what so ever do you speak or get close to anyone named Leonard...,' suddenly he stopped talking blinking several times...
WHAT THE FUCK?
Panic rose inside. He couldn't remember his name. How was that possible? The son of a bitch kidnapped Vanya and wanted to use her against them. He fucking took her and he...he knew his name, but now it was like it wasn't even there, the memory completely lost to him.
'What? Five, what is it? Who shouldn't I talk to?' her voice brought him back from the tranze.
'I...I can't remember his name,' said Five slowly after a moment. He let go of her hand before his eyes widened and realization hit him.
Could he be any more of a complete failure?
'I'm an idiot. Jesus fuck, I'm such an idiot!' he snapped causing Vanya to flinch.
He looked over the room, 'I need something to write to a notebook, a piece of paper anything.'
He was a moron. He was an idiot. How? How could he have missed it? How could he have not think this into his plans? Simple, because he was a moron apparently there was only one brain cell in the family, and he was not using it right now.
When Vanya handed him the pen and paper he immediately started to write down his formulas. He already had a bad feeling about it, but he needed to be sure before he would fully take in the situation, 'F-five?'
'Can't talk, I need to figure this out first,' he said not looking at her.
He didn't know how much time has passed as he was writing down his thoughts before they would slip away as well, 'I will go try to get us some food alright?'
'No!' he suddenly snapped looking up at her, the mere thought of her leaving causing his heart to break ever more. He couldn't leave her out of his sight. Not now at least. Not now when he felt like he would choke if she wasn't in the room with him, with her pink cheeks and raising and falling chest and beating heart.
'You can't leave me. Don't leave me...please.'
Vanya opened her mouth to say something. Maybe argue, but something stopped her. He knew he was a mess. He knew that. But he couldn't help it. He needed her close now more than ever.
She sat back down on the bed this time next to him, and put her head against his shoulder and he felt his whole body relaxing. She was near him and breathing. That was good, very good. He started to write again focusing on his task.
'I'm such an idiot, I will never fail to amaze myself,' he said after what felt like hours looking at the paper.
Vanya rose her head from his shoulder, 'Why?'
'Because I didn't just time travel, I completely changed the timeline which already happened which is causing me to forget the previous timeline. I thought that I time travelled in my old body so I wouldn't be affected by it, but this isn't my old body, it's my thirteen year old body which I got when I time travelled to 2019. The reason I didn't lose my memories then was because I wasn't at 2019 before not the first time at least.'
'You lost me completely,' said Vanya shaking her head.
He turned fully toward her.
'Careful,' she said minding his stitches.
'Vanya, I need a notebook. I need to write things down before I forget the timeline which already happened, but didn't happen yet,' he said concerned.
'What will happen if you forget?' she asked slowly.
'I...I don't know. Best case scenario is I will simply go back to the mentality of my thirteen year old else before I first time travelled to the future.'
'And worst?' she asked looking paler now, her eyes filled with worry all over again.
'I will forget everything...everything at all,' he said and Vanya swallowed hard.
He waited for her to process the new information knowing it was so much to handle for a thirteen year old.
'H-How old are you?' she asked, 'You said this is your thirteen year old body, but not your old one?'
He hesitated before he said, 'Fifty-eight.'
Vanya watched him for a moment before she crooked one eyebrow at him, 'Ah, so do I get to call you grandpa now?'
The shock on his face lasted for good two seconds before he chuckled and covered his face. This was...this was insane. She just... she just accepted it. Just like that. He just accepted him with her heart open and her smile warmed like it was the easiest thing in the world...
He sobbed.
'I'm sorry, it was a joke-,' she started to apologize.
He pulled his hands from his face and shook his head a small tear rolling down his cheek, 'It's nothing, I'm sorry. I...I need a notebook. I need to write everything down before it will be erased from my memory.'
Vanya nodded, 'Alright.'
He grabbed her hand again, 'I-I know this is all too much, and too fast, but...I really need you to trust me...I can't...I can't do this without you.'
She was looking into his eyes for the longest of times, before she said with confidence which surprised him, 'I trust you, Five.'
You trust me?
Always...
He pulled her into a crushing hug, feeling relief wash over him because no matter which version of Vanya she was she trusted him without a doubt and he loved her even more for it.
The door despite being locked was suddenly broke open causing Vanya to jump from the bed and Five to kneel up to see who was the intruder.
Luther walked inside the room with his mask on before he looked to the corridor, 'Found them.'
Fucking family
To say that he went home kicking and screaming was an understatement of the century. He practically went for all violent acts except biting. There had to be a line of course. Monocle dragged him with the help of his siblings into the medical room. It became worse when he couldn't see Vanya anymore. He knew he must have gone mad because he knew he was in the past so she had to be there, but not seeing her caused a reaction he couldn't control. He was screaming like a maniac for her with Pogo trying to hold him down.
He didn't hear him. He didn't hear father or Grace. He didn't hear as if he was deaf again which only brought the worse memories out.
'VANYA! No! I WANT TO SEE HER! Pleeeease let me see her! I need to see her!' He was repeating over and over again while crying like a little child.
Once she finally entered the room it was like a switch went off inside him.
He reached his hand for her, 'Vanya...Vanya Vanya please, don't...don't leave me again...,' he kept on repeating his voice softer this time, no more screaming as his eyes kept on hers.
He needed her close. He needed her by his side. He needed her. He needed her. He needed her. He needed her. He needed her. He needed her. He needed her.
I love you...
His mind was playing tricks on him. He didn't know what was happening until he felt her by his side. He was so tired. He just wanted to sleep next to her to know she was there alive and with him.
'I'm here, Five. I'm always here,' she told him quietly.
I'm always waiting...
I will always come back...
The last thing he saw before the sleep took over was her face as it should be. As he always saw her face when they were apart or together. She was his first and last thought, always.
I love you more than I love myself...
And a gunfire ruptured through the silence...shattering his mind and soul.
Five woke up with those two things sunk into his concessions, the confession he didn't hear properly and the sound of the gunshot.
He looked down at his hands, his hands which weren't strong enough to protect her. He pushed his fingers against his palms as hard as he could wishing that if he hurt his hands enough it would be enough punishment to get rid of this pain he felt inside...
I love you...
She's gone, Five...
He pierced his eyes against his fists now determinate to make them hurt. Anything but the pain inside even though if he was completely honest he wanted that pain as well. He wanted to remember it, feel it, know that this was his own doing because he was an idiot and pathetic loser who couldn't safe the one person he loved.
Suddenly seemingly out of nowhere a pair of small hands reached out and dug their fingers under his, his fists slowly opening them.
He watched the hands. They were just as small as his own maybe even small, soft but demanding that he stop hurting himself.
Five's heart speeded up as he looked up only to find Vanya looking down at him.
Thirteen year old, alive and well Vanya. Vanya, who he left in the house as he rushed toward the unknown adventure of time travelling without her. Vanya who still had so much hope and life and possibilities behind her doe brown eyes. Vanya, who still could be anything she wanted if she chose it to be. Vanya, who he could still save.
He felt her fingers softly stroke the skin on his hands as her soft eyes were looking at him with such care and fondness.
He was such a blind child. How could he not see how much she cared for him? How could this right here and now could not have been enough to make him stay? But that was the whole problem, wasn't it? He was a child, a selfish and foolish child, who knew nothing and wanted to know it all. He didn't understand what it meant to care for so much and that without that person nothing would make sense again. He didn't understand the pain and devastation of losing someone he cared for, loved.
'You're here,' he said terrified of breaking the peacefulness of the moment, but needed to hear her voice.
She nodded, a small smile tugged on her lips, 'Yeah.'
He looked around. The outside light was so dim in the medical room.
'Is it evening or-'
'Morning, I think before four. Sun is going to start rising soon,' she explained. God, he hadn't heard her tiny child voice in decades. It made his heart crack even more than it did before.
'Dad let you stay?' he asked not sure if what he remembered from yesterday could be trusted. He came back and needed to get her away from the house, from Monocle, from everything. He needed to be alone with her for a moment, so he teleported/kidnapped her away and then he was pretty sure he must have been in delirium because he thought she stitched him up then said she loved him and then Luther and the others found them.
Vanya nodded, 'Yes, he said that if it would stop us from throwing such melodramatic and childish tantrums we could stay for undecided amount of time.'
Five chuckled breathlessly, 'I guess we were that bad, ha?'
'It was pretty bad. I was a bit scared myself from all the screaming,' she admitted her hands still holding his, 'My own...not just yours.'
He nodded slowly before she sighed, 'Alright, we have some things to cover.'
Five blinked not letting her go as she tried to pull away. He felt like he couldn't let her go even if she would still be in the room. He just couldn't...
'Hey, hey, it's okay. But I promised you to find you a notebook to write everything down, remember?' she asked her voice soft and reasonable.
He nodded. He knew this, but he just...
He felt like he couldn't let her go. Just for a few moments he rose her hands over his to weight them out. To memorize the feeling of her tiny hands inside his even if just for a moment.
Once he looked back up at her, he nodded, 'If it's inside the house it doesn't count.'
Vanya blinked, and it was like someone stabbed him. She didn't understood their little inside joke, because it wasn't hers, it was thirty year old Vanya who he left dead somewhere in the future timeline which was slowly erasing itself from his mind.
He let her go feeling devastated, 'I'll be here.'
She got out from the bed before she stopped in the doorway, 'What does it mean? That inside the house it doesn't counts?'
He looked at her. Could he tell her? Could he put all of that on her little thirteen year old shoulders? He already told her too much by trying to explain the timelines situation as well as telling her he loved her. Gosh, could he be any more of an imbecil? She was a kid and he was an old perv who was freaking her the hell out probably.
'It means that we can leave each other without a goodbye if it's inside the house or under five minutes. It doesn't count as leaving,' he explained knowing it would mean nothing to her because she didn't experience his absence and abandonment the way thirty year old Vanya did and he hoped she never would.
'Good, I like that, because the last time you left the house you left without one too,' she said but it was mostly teasing than hurt. She gave him a short smile before she was gone from the view leaving him with his conflicted feelings and thoughts.
She handed him the notebook and pen once she came back. He immediately grabbed her hands noticing the dried blood under her fingernails. It felt wrong. It wasn't right. Vanya was alive and unharmed here and she shouldn't have blood on herself. He reached for the needle on the tool desk next to them and before Vanya could ask he reached with it under her nails carefully cleaning the blood out.
She let him do so without a single word, but watching as he methodically cleaned the blood out. He never wanted Vanya to have blood on her hands or anywhere else again or he might lose it.
He let her hand go and threw the needle to the nearby trash. They shared a quick look, her eyes were so warm and so young. It felt him with pain but also with hope. He could do this...He could save her...
He reached for the notebook and pen and this time he started to write. All of it, all which was still inside his mind slowly fading away. How much did he already forgotten? What if he forgot something important like how the Handler could manipulate him? Or how Vanya's powers were linked to her emotions? Or something as important as that? What if he already forgot all of it?
He tried to write down as much as he could knowing he was from time to time jumping from one event to another and knowing it would in retrospective be a bit hard to follow.
The first time he stopped writing was when he reached the whole Commission is the most fucked up agency on the planet and the Handler is the least trustful person on earth. It was then that he realized he never got to ask Vanya what did the bitch say to her to cause her to lose so much hope and to…to actually…
He looked up startled realizing that he didn't know how much time had passed but that he was now alone in the medical room. There was a plate with food left near him, but he ignored it and got out of the bed feeling his body literally crying from every move. He felt so sore and hurt like he was run over by a truck at least five times.
Groaning he came out of the room only to be greeted by Ben, 'Hi, are you alright? How do you feel?'
He was momentarily frozen in place. Ben…the only one of his brothers who wasn't in the future. Ben who he still have a chance to save just like the rest of them, just like Vanya.
He couldn't form a single word so he just nodded.
Ben looked at him so confused and concerned before he said, 'Uh, Vanya has practice now, but I can go get her, if you want?'
Five closed his eyes feeling the pain was over him in a new more brutal way, 'Please.'
'I'll be right back,' said Ben and ran to the direction of the stairs while Five was left with his hand pressed against the nearest wall for support. He felt like crying.
Ben...
He had to make sure Ben would survive this time. He had to try his hardest at that his brother would survive and live in the future with them.
His legs gave up on him and he collapsed to the ground. He couldn't breathe. He could taste the ash inside his lungs and it burn making it impossible to get the oxygen inside.
He felt something warm touch his face and hand and his eyes flew open seeing thirteen year old Vanya looking at him, 'Hey, are you alright? Five? Talk to me?'
She was alive...good...she was alive...and she was there with him and not dead lying on ground with a bullet wound in her head.
Good...
He closed his eyes trying to catch his breath or learn how to breath again at this point feeling her fingers slowly stroked his cheek. The touch was the same, the feeling it brought into his stomach was the same, thirteen year old or thirty she was still Vanya.
He opened his eyes. He was still so tired. He wanted nothing more than to lay in bed and sleep until the pain inside him finally passed, but he knew he couldn't.
He started to get up with Vanya's help and back to the medical room. Grace came afterwards asking if he was alright, checking his vitals and stitches before she turned to Vanya and offered her a smile, 'You did very well, my dear. Maybe you could be a doctor one day.'
'No,' he said feeling like the exhaustion will take a hold on him again, but he pushed it away.
'She's going to be a first chair in the Icarus.'
He could see the surprise look on Vanya's face before she smiled at him a bit making sure Grace who was recording their every move wouldn't see it even if now it was completely pointless since it was clear their father knew the full extent of their relationship.
When Grace put her hand on his shoulder, he looked up at her confused. He was never particularly close to their mother. Over the seemingly endless line of their nannies, she just felt like another to fill the blank spot as the female parent. He supposed he liked her fair enough until he saw what happened to the drawings they made for Vanya, even if that must have been mostly their father's doing. Yet, years before he went to the future and when he came back, she didn't hold as important meaning to him as the rest of his siblings or Vanya did.
'Try to rest a bit more, alright dear?' she asked her hand actually warm on his skin making it feel almost motherly.
'Thank you,' he said avoiding a name as he wasn't sure he would call her Grace or mom in that moment.
She stroke Vanya's head before she walked out.
Five motioned for Vanya to come close, 'I already have something written down but I need to continue. There are a lot of things I need to write down before I forget. I already feel like I'm losing it all.'
Vanya nodded slowly as she sat down next to him, 'Do...do you think you will forget everything? Even things which are happening right now?'
Five frowned a bit, he didn't want to worry her more than he already have, but he was alone on this and just like always he felt like she was the most trusted person to confess and vent to, 'I don't know. I can't remember the motel room properly, but that might be the blood loss and sleep deprivation so I don't know.'
Vanya nodded before she looked at the notebook, 'Will you let me read it?'
He hesitated. He wished he had more time to think it through, but as he saw Grace and Ben realize he couldn't remember how the rest of his siblings looked when they were thirty. He could picture their figures, and heights and hair, but the faces were all blurry and not really there like it was all a dream. He was positive at that point that if he wasn't stitched, he himself would have assumed it was a nightmare as well.
'One day, when you're a bit older,' he said and saw the frown which appeared on her face, 'But-'
'I'm sorry, but you're too young for some things, and I don't want you to be controlled by things which didn't happen yet and might not happen at all,' he tried to explain as best as he could without sounding arrogant or like a jerk.
'You trust me, right?' he asked and she nodded but there was also a bit of defiance in her eyes, 'Of course, but it feels upsetting that you hold the key to my future and can look at it, while I can't.'
'I'm not doing it to hurt you, Vanya, and for me it isn't the future it's just the past which will never happen again. I just need it so I don't make the same mistakes I already did. I just need it to...,' he stopped talking cutting off the rest of his words...to save you.
Vanya's face softened a bit as she looked lost in thoughts for a moment, 'Five, when you appeared, you sounded so...strange. Like you were sad.'
Her voice sounded so small yet firm, 'You said a bunch of things and it feels like...like...did I...die in the future?'
He looked away feeling he was losing his breath again. He started to shake his head feeling the tears trying to find their way out of his eyes.
No, no, no, no!
I don't want to hurt anyone. They're going to make me do it, aren't they? They're going to make me cause the apocalypse over and over again until I just do. Five, I can't hurt you. Five, I-I-I...I love you...I love you more than...I love you more than I love myself, do you understand?
He felt like throwing up, his brain wouldn't stop showing him the image of her bleeding out on the ground.
'Hey, hey, come on, Five, breath please,' he heard her soft voice trying to get it into his head that she was alive. That that did not happen, and he would forbidden it from every happening again. He felt her take his hands again looking so worried about him. Always worrying about him. Always leaving peanut butter sandwiches with marshmallows and lights on for him, always making sure he slept well, always making him breakfast and coffee, always telling him he wasn't a bad person for killing for the commission, always accepting him having to leave her, always telling him she loved him and felt the same way for him and kissing him making him the happiest person under the sun only to put a bullet into her head because she wanted to fucking save the world and his ass, something which was supposed to be his job, not her responsibility. Just always so fucking...brilliant and amazing and Vanya.
He grabbed her by the shoulder and pressed himself against her chest like a little boy. She didn't even tense this time, just put her hands into his hair softly stroking him accepting it, him and keeping his close.
I love you...
He remained like that for a while knowing it wouldn't last. It couldn't last he as he needed to keep going.
'April the 1st 2019,' he mumbled after he calmed down a bit.
'That's when the apocalypse happens. That's when you...yeah,' he said and looked up her. He couldn't force himself to say the word die out loud to her, but he needed her to know. This he needed her to know, 'And I'm going to stop it, and save you.'
Her eyes were on his. He was expecting fear or shock, but she was only looking at him with love and devotion like always.
'I believe you,' she whispered and if it was even possible he fell in love with her a little bit more in that moment.
He looked back the notebook before she nodded and stepped away. He returned to his writing realizing he already forgot who the Handler was
He needed to hurry and write everything down.
I love you...
Five woke up to someone moving his pillow. He groaned a bit.
'Oh, no, please, God, no. Where is it?' he heard a soft whisper next to his head.
Five opened his eyes feeling a headache coming over him, 'Good morning.'
His whole body hurt especially his side. It took him a couple of moments before he remembered that he was stitched twice. Oh, so strange. He rarely got hurt on missions, at least this seriously and now he was stitched like on an autopsy.
'Five, it's gone,' said Vanya worried her eyes all panicked as she stopped moving around for a moment.
He sat up felling the pain spreading through his body. Gosh, that hurt...why did it hurt so much? Oh right the stitches...
'What is?' he asked trying to put together his thoughts. Why did he have stitches again? His head hurt a lot.
Vanya opened her mouth before she closed it shocked. She looked very pale.
'You...you don't remember?'
'Remember what?' he asked massaging his temples to ease the headache, 'What happened the other day?!'
He looked over at her confused before he started to think, 'I confronted father about time travelling he said no...but I ran anyway,' he said remembering.
'And then?' she demanded her voice an octave higher than usual.
He thought about it. He came back, they were in the motel talking, then they were here talking. Everything felt blurry like in a dream or under a fog. Strange...
'We were in the motel and then here. I...I don't know. I remember that we were there, but I feel like I don't remember why.'
Vanya sat down on the other bed with a loud noise, 'You already forgot.'
'Forgot what?'
'Five, you went to the future and but when you came back you weren't yourself. You were an old man inside of your this body. You said you were fifty-eight,' she said and he raised his eyebrows ready to call bluff on her before he did remember that he said it and she joked he was an old man. It was strange. It didn't feel like his own thoughts, more like he was watching a TV show with actors playing the part or reading a book with an unreliable narrator telling the story. You heard the words, but didn't know what the characters were thinking.
'Oh...,' he said trying to piece together what else he could find in his mind.
'It's terrible and someone took it,' said Vanya standing up again and pulling the pillow from under his head causing him almost to fall down, 'hey, watch it.'
He frowned, 'What is gone?'
'The notebook. You wrote there all day yesterday so you would know what happened in the future. You needed to write it all down because you knew you would forget,' she said. Alright, he did not remember that part.
'Oh,' he said his headache worsening.
'Here,' said Vanya and leaned into her sock to pull out a folded paper, 'I hid it when Luther and father came to the motel.'
She handed the letter to him, 'You wrote it after you realized you forgot someone's name.'
He opened it recognizing his handwriting. He definitely wrote his formulas which meant she was telling the truth. He did time travelled to 2019 and then to the past 1993 and twice to 2002 inside a body which only aged back to his thirteen self when he first time travelled.
'All the memory was erased. Everything between my first and last jump,' he said before he looked up at her worried now as well. He lost decades of memories. This didn't feel right. He apparently had a reason to write it all down.
'It's worse,' she told him, 'You wrote it all down because you said in 2019 there will be an apocalypse and we had to be prepared to stop it.'
Five frowned, 'You think father took the journal? Or one of our siblings?'
'I don't know, but I woke up and it wasn't here.'
'Did I tell you anything?' he asked feeling scared now, 'At least the date?'
'April the 1st 2019,' she said and he looked back down at the paper cursing under his breath before he smirked showing more confident than he felt, 'It doesn't matter.'
'It doesn't?'
'No,' he shook his head, 'We have years to figure it out and stop it. We will search the house and find the notebook and then figure out how to prevent it.'
Vanya watched him standing close to him. She took his and into hers, 'I trust you.' It felt like she said that a lot over the last few days.
'Good, because if I told you I will definitely need your help to do it,' he told her and watched her face soften a bit, the wrinkle of worry smoothing itself.
When her hand touched his face he was momentarily caught off guard as it was weeks since they were allowed to be like this together and alone after being caught sharing a bed. She was so numbed by the pills it was impossible to communicate with her even if he was too afraid father would sent her away.
'You looked so different with all those memories,' she told him her eyes sad now, 'You looked hurt...very hurt, Five.'
Five blinked. He couldn't remember that. Any of that. What could possibly happen to him in the future? He got wounded so it must have not been the nicest thing.
'Promise me you won't time travel again,' she said suddenly catching him off guard, 'Whatever happened. It wasn't fun, Five. It was devastating for you. I could see it...it was like the light went out behind your eyes.'
He watched her silently not sure what to say. He couldn't remember what he felt to appear that way, but she was looking at him like this and touching him so softly, it had to be really serious. He must have seriously scared her.
He found himself nodding, not sure if he would keep the promise but in that moment feeling like would and should, 'I promise not to time travel again for now.'
Vanya didn't look happy about it, but then she leaned down and kissed his cheek the spot on fire after she pulled away with determination inside her eyes which he remembered were so numb, 'Good. Don't break it.'
I won't.
A.N: Hey there, this was long as hell. It was not supposed to be so long. I re-edit this chapter like four times before I got this. I had to put like five more pages into the next chapter because it got incredibly long and I don't even know how? How I ask you? :D Anyway, thank you for the feedback and support you have been great :) so far and make it a pleasure to continue this story. I hope you will like this chapter as well and tell me something about what you think.
Enjoy