Seven days ago
Vanya never thought she was a very skillful or subtle person. She certainly wasn't one of her siblings who were taught since the age of eight how to get into a building or room without a single suspicion. When she saw Pogo that day, she was close to spilling her gut, but she pushed it down her throat like the morning pill for her anxiety and looked away reminding herself that it was important, and she couldn't make a mistake. She had to do her bed and try her hardest, and Five said there was nothing she couldn't achieve, which was a very bold and false thing to say considering she tried her hardest to climb a rope once and still couldn't do it. Not that she ever told him or any of her siblings about that embarrassing experience.
She would be much happier if Five was the one doing this, but with father, Grace or Pogo watching him 24/7 now it was impossible for him to get out of their sight for now. He was still on bed rest.
Father said he would return to his room and his normal schedule in a couple of days, but they didn't have time to spare. They had to find the notebook asap.
Vanya felt her heart beating like a drum as she snuck into Pogo's room while he was attending Five. They had it planned so that while the rest of their siblings would be at their routine practice in the gym with father and Grace would be preparing lunch. Five would call for Pogo with some excuse so she would have free access to his room. Although it sounded simple enough the moment she was actually inside Vanya felt doubts creep in. She really wasn't cut out for detective work. Who was she kidding? She couldn't do this.
She was ready to run out only to remember Five's eyes widen in pure fear whenever she wasn't around and the shot which kept on echoing in her mind even if she knew it was just a dream came to her mind, and she stopped in track.
Every now and then her fingers started to brush her hair more often as if they were still trying to find the entry wound, and she caught herself looking at her mirror reflex more often than not. What or who exactly she was looking for in it, she wasn't sure…
Slowly making sure to leave the door slightly ajar so she would hear if someone was coming, she started to look around. Despite the fact that her father didn't often allow her to be at practice, even as audience or help with the test, she knew basic information about what to do when looking for evidence. That along with Five's pointers proved to be quite enough as she snooped around Pogo's little room checking every shelve, drawer, corner, under the mattress or the secret box of Cuban cigars he had in the hole in the wall, but all in all no notebook.
Vanya sighed before she noticed a small piece of paper attached to the back of Pogo's nightstand. She easily pulled it out with her skinny and long fingers being just enough to reach the tiny crack between the wooden nightstand and the wall.
She couldn't help a small smile as she found a photo. Of all of them. She wasn't sure where did Pogo get it, but it was all of them about four or five years old lined up with a woman Vanya assumed was one of the nannies looking into the camera. They used to be so small and cute.
Vanya suddenly felt bad for suspecting Pogo, but as Five said no one could be trusted. She put the photo back on its original place before she sneaked out of the room making sure it looked like she was walking from a different direction like Five told her to.
On her way back to her room, she couldn't help, but envy a bit Pogo that he had such a memory of all of them. It was lately with Five losing his own memory that she started to realize how little did she remember about the time they were young or other moments mostly caused by the stupid pills.
She put her hand into the pocket of her blazer, the bottle felt sharp in her palm like it could cut her, hurt her. Somehow Vanya was starting to believe it.
She had to go on with her day before Five finally teleported into her room making sure he was in the corner behind the door where he said the camera in her room couldn't see him. She was honestly a bit surprised that she even had a camera in her room since she never thought she was important enough like the rest of them. Pogo didn't have one, but father put one in her room? Strange. Maybe it was just to make sure others wouldn't spend too much time with her. Even so he must have missed all those nights they snuck into each other's room then. Maybe he just didn't suspect anything.
Vanya offered him a small smile before she sat behind her desk her back to him so their father wouldn't see her talking. Five claimed the audio wasn't very good and unless someone was speaking really loud they wouldn't be heard.
'I guess you didn't find it then,' he said sounding a bit grumpy.
'No, I checked everywhere, but it wasn't there,' she assured him and tapped her fingers against the desk.
Five sighed, 'It's not like I didn't expect it. Even if Pogo did take it, he would only give it to father.'
'So we should go to his office then?' she asked worried. She much rather found the stupid notebook anywhere, but at their father's office.
'Yes, but not now. I have to still stay a bit in the medical room before they will let me back to my room and practices, then I will go snoop around. It was already too risky let you look in Pogo's,' he said sounding upset.
Vanya felt the need to roll her eyes at him, 'You're just grumpy because you're still on bed rest.'
'Of course, I'm grumpy because of that. I hate bed rest. I much rather do anything literally anything than lay in bed all day. It's so not productive at all,' he whined, and she let out a small giggle escape her lips before she covered her mouth.
'Sorry.'
Five didn't say anything, and she stood up making it look like she was walking to her dresser so she could look at him.
He was looking at her with his face a bit unreadable again, but his cheeks red. It made her mind go back into what he said in the motel.
'I love you, more than I love myself, and I know that you don't understand it yet. You're so young now, but I love you...'
She recalled his words and how she said it back even though they still felt a bit weird. Like how could something, a word, express the feeling of wanting to be close to someone and take care of them and for that someone to take care of you, or want to make that person happy because it makes you happy as well? She supposed by all the definition that was love, but she still felt like it didn't quite sit right on her tongue. Maybe because this was how she thought of it as wanting to be with Five, and for him to be happy and for them to always be close and have a good relationships. She didn't mind if they would sneak out or just stay together in the bedroom on the bed, or if they were talk together in the library about his theories or if he would listen to her play. She just wanted him to be around and she would be with him. This is how she understood why she loved him, but when Five...the Five who came from the future, the Five who was 58 years old inside his 13 year old body, said it, it sounded different. It wasn't like wanting to be with her, it was...so intense it scared her a bit and caught her off guard. The way he spoke with her, and tried to touch her all the time, hold her close and not let her out of his side like he was afraid she would disappear when he was the one who runaway, was just...so much more than her simple I love you too. It was almost cosmic, out of this world and infinity. She didn't understand such intensity or urgency yet, she was a child. She knew she would miss him terribly if he truly left, and she was still worried about his wellbeing and she wanted him to be safe and not hurting, but the other Five his I love you was just so heavy and yet light and said with such undeniable confidence like it was the most simplest thing in the world for him.
She felt a bit ashamed about it actually, that 58 year old Five poured his heart and soul into his confession and all she could muster was her blushing and childish responds. Ashamed that while his confession was like something infinity, heavy as the weight of the whole world, hers was barely a speck in the dust in comparison. It was a bit scary if she compared it and realized that one day in the future someone, Five, loved her so profoundly and completely like that with intensity which made her air touchable. It was scary to know someone loved you like that when you were just a thirteen year old child. She wondered if she was able to love him the same, so completely, with such weight, and everything in between when she was older. Right now she couldn't imagine it already feeling like her Five was taking enough space in her mind, heart and life how could he take any more?
Still, it was said and what was said once was done, so now Vanya had to live with the fact that in the future, maybe the future where they will stop the apocalypse, Five was in love with her in a way which made it hard to breath and yet like all was right in the world, while this number Five wasn't even able to say if he liked her or remember that she said in her own way I love you back.
That was why she didn't bring up what he said in the motel. He seemed to have had trouble remembering the exact words he used or what they talked about saying it was all a bit foggy and he needed her to catch him up to speed before he either said he remembered or hummed for her to continue because he was embarrassed to admit he didn't. It might have been that she purposely avoided the I love you since she still didn't know what it meant, and that this Five, or this version of Five did not say it, it was the other one who was now erased. It didn't feel right for her to put that pressure on him, even if she started to have ideas about the whole thing. Ideas she usually kept to herself until late at night when she was now all alone in her room in bed thinking it all over. Ideas about why they always wanted to be close, why their skin burn or went red when they touched each other, why they blushed more around each other, why they sometimes looked at each other a bit longer than the rest of them, or why did they sometimes felt this strange nervousness inside them stomachs whenever one of them smiled at each other. She knew she wasn't the only one who felt all those things. She could see how he sometimes touched her and kept his gaze on his hands on her skin or the fabric of her clothing like his brain was running over something which was making him incredibly confused. She knew he cared for her and maybe even loved her like she loved him, but he didn't come to those terms and discoveries yet, and she didn't want to pressure him with since she honestly didn't know what to do with it herself yet. She liked the way things were. They were still together, keeping each other close, sharing ideas and take care of one another. The touches were still a bit embarrassing as well as lingering looks or blushes, so why would she want to run it now with more awkwardness?
She simply decided to give him time to come to it on his own way. It would be smartest and natural way of things anyway.
'Are you alright? Maybe you should go lay down a bit,' said Vanya, and just like that his expression turned into a frustrated one, 'Not you too. I hate-'
'Alright,' she cut him off and started to sort out the clothes in her dresser, 'So what now?'
He sighed, 'If the others are in training and Pogo and Grace are not around, you may go check the others room, but only once I figure out how to turn off dad's cameras without him noticing. I will probably put them on loop or something so he would notice you're inside. If he has it we can't let him knowing we're looking for it, even if he most likely suspects it.'
Vanya watched him in silence before she nodded slowly and closed her drawer again so it wouldn't seem she was taking too long. She needed to start her violin practice, so it wouldn't be suspicious if father watched the recording of her.
She positioned herself when she noticed Five was still there looking at her. She blinked as if waiting for him to say something, but he just kept looking at her.
She started to play and he slide a bit down to sit in the corner. She smiled at him softly playing him his favourite Vivaldi.
Two days ago
Thirteen year old Vanya finished her violin piece with a sigh. She was usually thrilled that she could play often making her practice last longer even if it annoyed the hell out of some of her siblings. Today however she wished she could cut it shorter. She felt anxious to do something completely different, but based on her previous conversation with Five, she knew she couldn't spark suspicion.
Ah, if only she was more trained in this like her siblings in subtlety which was very much an important factor of their work. She felt that when Luther blinked at her confused this morning as they were waiting for their turn in to the bathroom, he had her all figured out. Like he could see right through her.
She couldn't miss the irony. She used to crave for her siblings attention, and now she wished they wouldn't even look at her because she felt all her secrets could be read off her face like an open book.
When she felt the familiar whistle of the wind, she immediately put her violin and bow into the case and run to close the door, 'Well?'
Five was sitting on her bed with his arms crossed, 'I didn't find it. I put the stupid recording on loop and check every single drawer which was unlocked.'
She sighed, 'So now we will have to get into the drawers which are locked. Sounds impossible.'
She could see the screws moving inside Five's head, 'Maybe not. He keeps a bunch of keys on the small chain in his pocket, right?'
Vanya grimaced, 'Yeah, the chain which he never leaves alone.'
'Only when he goes to bed. Remember when Ben had a nightmare and wasn't in control for a moment. He rushed from his bedroom in his pyjamas. The chain was not on him,' he told her and started to tap his finger against his knee thinking, 'I could go into his room and look for it after everyone's asleep.'
Vanya felt nervous all of the sudden, the mere thought of how dangerous it was, even more than what they were already doing made her anxious. Usually when she felt this was she was ordered to take an extra pill, but she remembered Five's first rule from before she lost his memories and forced herself to overcome the urge.
'I'm worried. You've never been to dad's room. You said teleporting to places you haven't saw before is tricky and if dad wakes up while you're there? He...there's no telling what he would do.'
Five nodded but she could already see that he made up his mind it the defiant look on his face, 'I know, but skipping dinner or extra training is little price to pay for finding that notebook.'
Vanya looked away for a moment, 'What if he sends me away?'
Five frowned at the idea, 'He won't. I told you, I won't let him.'
She closed her eyes. She wished she was so carefree and brave enough to believe Five's words, but the coldness in her father's eyes when he told her to come to office after Five was allowed to return to his room, hurt like physical pain sucking any intention of defying the man or giving him more reasons to get angry with them.
'Five, if he really decides that I should go...there won't be anything you can do to stop him,' she told him. He watched her for a moment, his jaw clenched before he teleported right in front of her startling her a bit.
He grabbed her wrist looking upset, 'Do you not trust me?'
She sighed. This was a sucker punch for her. Every time she felt like she wanted to argue or try to voice her opinion on the matter he would bring it up, like a universal leverage to get her on his side. She would be lying if she didn't say it pissed her off a bit that he was using it so carelessly to get what he wanted.
'It's not about that, and you know it-'
'I asked, do you not trust me?' he repeated, his eyes carrying fire.
Vanya watched the green-blue irises filled with so much confidence and strength they could carry the weight of the world. It would be so easy to believe there was nothing Five couldn't do, but this wasn't about him. This was about their father who made it very clear that he was watching them, and that if they ever disobeyed him like that again he would ruin them. Five thought the worst what could happen was that he would sent Vanya away to a boarding school, but since he asked her to his office, Vanya learned that there could be something worse. Far worse than leaving.
'Fine,' she said finally, 'But don't do it without a plan, a good plan, Five.'
He kept on frowning at her. It didn't fail his notice that she did not say she trusted him on this. She didn't, but she decided to go with it and hope for the best, knowing that if they found the notebook it would be worth it. However, if they didn't and father would send her away? Not so much...
Five days ago
Vanya felt sick to her stomach with anxiety as her father requested her presence in his office. She was finishing her studies along with the rest of her siblings minus Five and everyone looked at her at one point looking either curious or worried. They all knew a punishment was coming.
She was seated down in front of father's large desk as he was looking at her without a single word for a couple of moments. She felt herself growing small under his gaze as if she would all but disappear in a bit.
'Number Seven, tell me why do you think you're here?'
She bit the inside of her mouth waiting for him to maybe continue, but he was patiently waiting for her to speak.
She figured it would be worse if she stayed quiet, 'Because I misbehaved.'
'And how did you achieve that?' he asked leaning back against his chair. Vanya felt like puking. Ever since she could remember she always wanted to attention of her father. He so often ignored her; it made her hungry for his gaze or words even if they would bring her down. However, now, sitting here in front of him, she wished for nothing more than for him to stop looking at her like that.
'You told me to...step away from number Five and I didn't.'
'What else?' he asked and she closed her eyes, 'You told me-'
'Look at me when I am talking with you, Number Seven,' he cut her off and Vanya very slowly lifted her gaze at him as if it was the hardest thing imaginable.
'What else?' he repeated, his eyes were so inhumanly cold.
'You told me to leave the room when Five was screaming and I didn't,' she said.
'Speak up, Number Seven, I didn't hear you properly.'
She swallowed a bit before she said again, 'You told me to leave the room when Five was screaming and I didn't.'
'Louder,' said her father and she felt like crying for some reason, but she pushed it away and repeated, 'You told me to leave the room when Five was screaming and I didn't.'
'LOUDER!'
'You told me to leave the room when Five was screaming and I didn't!' she shouted now hearing a glass broke somewhere behind her.
She went to turn around when her father cut her off, 'You haven't been taking your pills, have you now? Another disobedience.'
'No,' she said quickly, 'I did. I always take one in the morning and one in the evening.'
'Take one now,' told her father.
Vanya blinked, 'But it's not even-'
'Don't make this worse for yourself. Take one now, Number Seven.'
She let her hand into her pocket to take a hold of the bottle. She remembered Five's first rule before he lost his memories, but one pill a day.
Her father watched her like a hawk as she dug it out and took one, the pill burning the throat as it slide inside.
'Open your mouth, show me your tongue,' he ordered and she obeyed feeling her stomach sinking with each minute.
'At least your stupidity knows limits, well done,' he said sarcastically and it was like he physically stabbed her with his words.
When he raised his hand toward her she felt genuine panic to sink in as she gave him to bottle, 'From now one you shall report to my office each day in the morning and evening for a pill, understood? I will personally see to it that you take them. Have I made myself clear, Number Seven?'
'Yes,' she said. She waited for a painfully long time in front of her father before she asked finally said, 'May I still stay with number Five in the medical room?' She knew it was bottom line stupid to ask anything right now, but she wanted to at least know where she stood.
'I don't see a point in that considering Number Five is no longer acting like a lunatic,' said her father before frowned, 'Am I to expect more displays of such behaviour, number Seven?'
She bit the inside of her mouth hard enough for it to hurt.
'I asked you a question.'
'No, Sir.'
'Then I believe we are done here,' he said and went to return to his seat with the bottle of pills still in his hands.
She waited knowing she couldn't leave until she was specifically told to, 'Dismissed.'
She couldn't walk faster to the door if she wanted to knowing their father did not approve running in his office, 'One more thing.'
Number Seven stopped by the door ready to cry. She wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of there and be saved from this misery, 'I believe we all saw the catastrophic recklessness caused by you and Number Five spending too much time together.'
No...
She kept looking at the door feeling the first tears rolling down her cheeks as she knew now he would tell her to stay away from him at all times. He would make her stay away from him or else he would make her leave the house. The only home and family she had.
'I don't need to tell you that it would be in your mutual benefit if you spent less time together. You serve as a great distraction for him and I can't have him distracted on missions. We wouldn't want anything bad happen to him, now would we? Unless of course this would prove too much of a task for you, and you would wish to be sent away. Perhaps to a school abroad?'
She shook her head knowing if she spoke he would hear her crying.
'Speak up, Number Seven.'
She quickly brush her tears into her sleeves before she turned around, her father wasn't even looking at her, his eyes glued to his research or whatever the hell he had in his hands.
'I-I won't,' she sobbed and closed her eyes to calm down a bit before she said, 'I won't bother Five anymore.'
She jerked back as her father shot her a look, but ultimately nodded shortly, 'Close the door on the way out.'
She couldn't get out of the room faster if she wanted to. Once she covered the door, her vision blurred completely as tears rolled down her cheeks.
She knew she should step away from the door, but she felt like her feet wouldn't listen as she was left there crying for what she wasn't even sure. It wasn't like he forbidden her completely to be with Five, but the way he said it all. She dread to think that he would sent her away, but she feared even more that he would hurt somehow Five. Because that was what it sounded like, right? She wasn't imagining it? He just...
'Hey, come here,' she heard and blinked. She couldn't see who was talking thought. Klaus?
She felt someone tug her arm and slowly led her away from the door, 'Trust me it's worse if he catches you in front of his office again.'
He sat her down to something comfy.
'What happened? Was he pissed because of Five?' asked Ben this time.
She nodded trying very hard not to cry, when she heard Allison, 'I heard a rumour that you calmed down and stopped crying for now.'
She hiccupped as the tears stopped all of a sudden like a switch went off. She hated when Allison did that, but she also felt like it was necessary now more than ever. She brushed her eyes into her sleeve before she looked up and found all her siblings looking down at her.
'What did he say?' Ben who was sitting next to her along with Klaus while Allison, Luther and Diego were standing looking down at her.
She shrugged her shoulders, 'The usual. That I'm distracting Five, and that he was upset because of our behaviour.'
'It sounded wo-worse than average,' said Diego looking a bit embarrassed and she realized he must have been listening.
She looked away, 'He said he would send me away...'
'Away where?' asked Ben sounding honestly worried.
Vanya closed her eyes, 'Some boarding school so I wouldn't distract Five and get him hurt again.'
'B-but,' Diego was frowning, 'But you said Five was hurt before he took you away.'
'How were you distracting him?' asked Allison sounding upset as well before she crossed her arms, 'This is so like him, he just thinks we should be these mindless robots with no voice just following orders like a pack of sheep or something. He's just so argh!'
Vanya blinked a bit confused by her sudden outburst and so were the others minus Luther who was giving her a look as if telling her something in secret, before he looked at Vanya, 'Just lay off of Five for a moment. Don't spent so much time together, and it will be fine. Dad will get over it. He always does. If...,' he sighed, 'if he really wanted to send you away he already would have.'
'Whoa, great pep talk oh dear leader,' said Klaus before he rolled his eyes and looked at Vanya, 'Just hung with Ben and I for a while. Lord knows he is not the best company.'
Ben shot him a look before he looked at her as well, 'Hey, speak for yourself, dumbass.'
Klaus waved a hand at him and Vanya nodded before she tugged her hair behind her ear again.
They seemed to start talking among themselves after that leaving Vanya to compose herself and her feelings a bit. She took a deep breath. She wouldn't cry because of the rumour, but she still felt shake about all of it.
It didn't take long for Grace to come to inform them about dinner.
She took her usual spot even though Five was still not allowed to eat with them. She didn't dare to raise her eyes from the plate worried she would catch father looking at her and cry again. He never did look at her directly during any meal time, but she feared him now more than ever.
She felt Ben touch her sleeve at one point which caused her to look at him. He didn't say anything and continued to eat. She was a bit confused by this until she realized she didn't even touch her food. She felt like she couldn't chew or swallow anything for that matter.
She still took the fork and knife and tried to cut the food in the smallest pieces imaginable just to seem like she was doing something before she ate a few.
One day ago
She still felt unsure about the whole idea. Sneaking into dad's office was tricky, but is room when he was asleep? That sounded like a plan for disaster and not a mission to stop the apocalypse. But honestly what else could they all do? It wasn't like the rest of their siblings would believe Five and her, but they weren't there. They didn't witness how broken Five was, and if he said there will be an apocalypse in 17 years which they had to stop, then they had to stop it.
Vanya and Five made sure they weren't seen together in the next couple of hours during studies or dinner avoiding any form of contact even knew both could feel each other presence and knew what it meant. They had a plan. Vanya doubted it was a good plan, but she doubted they whole idea so it might have been just the negative approach she was showing to the whole idea.
Also she had another dream last night which left her a bit confused. It wasn't like the one where she shot herself. It was a different about a woman who came to her in the scary dark room where she was usually all alone. For some reason the fact that the woman was there was worse than if she was alone. The woman made every hair on her skin stand up in fear. She was scared of her more than the dark or loneliness and that was saying something. It was like the woman had a dangerous aura around her. You didn't know who she was but it was obvious she was there to cause you harm in the worst way imaginable.
They waited until the lights went out before they started. Vanya patiently checked the watch strapped at her wrist, the one Five fetched her from somewhere, until it showed eleven o'clock.
She got out of her bed and walked to the hallway to the kitchen. She made it looked as casual as ever as she took out a glass from one of the shelves and put water into it when all of the sudden the back kitchen door opened on their own.
She very slowly turned around seemingly as if she was surprised and confused when she faced the door before she let out the most started and devastating scream she could produce. It wasn't just a scream of fear. It was like she put into it all the frustration, anger and pressure of the past few days, or maybe even years letting it all finally out into the open.
She stopped wailing like a banshee feeling a bit more relieved than she ever would have thought she would until she suddenly saw someone, a shadow of a man standing in the doorway.
The second scream, a real one, never came out as she immediately started to run up the stairs only to crash into Luther nearly stumbling back if he didn't catch her elbow, 'Hey-hey, what is it?'
Vanya was shocked. She looked back to the kitchen. This wasn't how it was supposed to be.
She caught father and Pogo rushing toward them along with the others.
'There was a man in the kitchen. The door opened and he...he was just there,' she said swallowing hard.
'Nonsense, the door is locked. No one could get inside-'
'He's there. He really is there,' she said her voice shaking. But that wasn't the plan...there wasn't supposed to be a man. It was supposed to be a trick. Five would teleport outside and open the door make it look like someone was there and she would scream that she saw someone, but there wasn't supposed to be anyone there!
'Number One, number Two check the kitchen,' ordered their father. Luther let her go as she still couldn't believe someone was actually in the kitchen.
'Number Seven,' said her father finally catching her attention as she raised her gaze at him. She partly expected him to call out on her bluff, but there was no way she could fake the shock and fear that well.
'The kitchen door is open,' called Luther from downstairs, 'But no one's there.'
'But he was...someone...some man,' she said confused and breathing hard as she thought if them man. He looked...like...he made her feel. She felt like throwing up for some reason. Her whole body felt like it was shaking over the idea of someone was actually there, but the fact that it was that man.
At last Five showed up. At first he must have assume it was all a part of their plan, but something in Vanya's face must have make it clear it wasn't. They weren't meant to show that they were close in front of their father, but Five was right in front of her with his eyes wide and worried.
'What happened?' he asked searching her face for answers.
'Someone came into the house,' she spoke her voice sounding strange even to her. She could feel her father's gaze on them the whole time. She should find the man being at the door lucky because with his cold observation, it was obvious that sold the whole lie, well now it was actually truth. But she didn't find a strange being in the kitchen lucky even more when he brought back the memory of her dream from last night. He felt...he felt almost the same way the woman did. Like pure danger which could rip her apart from the inside just like the woman did in her deam.
'The Umbrella Academy, scan the house. Report all suspicion activity. Number Seven remain here with Grace,' he told her and she felt a tiny bit better when Grace instantly took her hand, 'It's alright, my dear.'
The all went to scan the house while their father disappear somewhere with Pogo talking in hushed voices. It wasn't until later that it occur to her that he must have go to check the cameras. She wished knew if Five had enough time to find where father usually place the keys and get familiar with father's bedroom for next time. She felt her heart was still beating so fast as she thought about the man in the dark coat, who made every hair on the back of neck stand up. He looked...he looked so...he made her feel weird.
The terribly dream came back to her and Vanya had this urge to touch the side of her head. She knew it was ridiculous but if felt so real...it felt like it actually happened.
They all went back to beds an hour later. Their father said that there really was an intruder in the house, but that he left, dismissing all further questions and ordering them all to bed. He stopped Vanya on her way and made her take another pill, a third one that day. She felt tears in her eyes again, but she took it and showed him her mouth so he knew she swallowed it. She had to figure out a way not to do that anymore. Before he caught her with Five, she only should have take one, now two, and tonight three. She felt losing the touch with reality every time she took one and was afraid that if this went off she would be nothing but an empty shell. She didn't remember a variety of things from the time she was adjusting to the second pill and even more when she first started to take them. She needed to figure out a way to stop taking them without her father noticing.
Once she was in her room, she wanted to talk to Five or fall asleep before the pill would make her numb again and she would forget to sleep again like before. She wasn't sure what she wanted more.
She just had drifted off because when she opened her eyes next she found Five's looking back at her and jerked startled the numbness leaving her body a bit from the startle.
'It's okay, I put the cameras on loop,' he whispered at her. She wasn't sure if it was a dream or not, but she hummed in approval. She was just freaked out someone was in her room, she didn't even have time to think about cameras.
'I saw the footage. There was a man. He came into the kitchen and then left,' said Five his voice with a strange heaviness Vanya couldn't place in her state of mind.
She closed her eyes again, 'He was so scary.'
'He looked average,' said Five, and she shook her head before she opened her eyes again, 'He wasn't. There was something about him...it made me feel scared.'
Five frowned, 'Why?'
She was quiet for a moment before she rose her finger and touched the spot on her head she was so certain should have a bullet hole in it. She massaged it for a moment without a word. She didn't tell him before. It scared her so much even if it was only a dream she didn't want to talk about it with him so it would raise panic in him as well. But in that moment, in the dark of the room and the third pill doing its trick on her mind she just started.
'I...when you came back, I had this dream, on the first night. I...since then I had it once again, but this time a bit different like the first dream was the ending, and the second was the scene before the ending. Like a story which starts from the ending and goes back to beginning to explain it all.'
Five's eyes were clearly looking at her finger on the side of her head, 'What was the dream about?'
'The second one was about me being in the dark room, just like many times before only this time I wasn't scared of it or desperate to get out like before. I wanted to be there,' she said and let her finger fall down to the mattress, 'But I wasn't alone. There was a woman...a terrifying woman much more scary than the dark or loneliness or being forgotten. She felt...god, Five, she made me feel like dad sometimes does like he is sucking all the warm out of me. She made me feel like she was going to make me go mad. We spoke, I don't know about what but she looked so pleased and I felt so horrible, so terrified so upset I...,' she stopped realizing her voice was raising.
She calmed down a bit, 'I don't know who she is or what she said, but if...I think she was the devil or some demon-monster or something.'
Vanya closed her eyes again, 'The man felt the same. He felt like he could suck the warm out of me and make me go mad. I don't know why it felt that way, but it did. The dream...then ends.'
Five watched silently for a moment before he spoke, 'Was that the second dream?'
Vanya nodded into the pillow keeping her eyes shut.
'What about the first one? The ending?' he asked and despite concern she could also hear curiosity in his voice. He couldn't push away his nature.
'I'm standing in the middle of the chaos. I can't see clearly, but I see a gun lying next to me. I take it and I press it against my temple and then pull the trigger.'
She didn't dare to open her eyes as she heard Five gaps shocked and probably horrified by her words, 'Vanya.'
She hugged herself shifting the mattress a bit. She suddenly felt so cold like as if the woman or man were here ready to steal her warm, her will to live even. Maybe they did...maybe in the future they did that to her...
'And in the next moment I am...dead. I am standing and I see people all around me. They look familiar...I think...I think they're the others, our siblings, but older, like they're look Grace age or older and then...then there's you, but you look the same, and you come to my body and hold me dead...in your arms.'
There was absolute silence after her last words. If it was possible there wasn't even the sound of Five's breathing involved.
A moment had passed, then another and another before Vanya felt Five's hand on her arm and his body shifting toward her, his body heat warming her body, which welcomed the new sensation saving her from the coldness brought by her dreams and the strange people in black.
She kept her eyes closed as she felt him press his forehead against her, 'It won't happen.'
'I...I'm starting to think it already did,' she whispered and felt a breath catch in his throat.
'I won't let it,' he said and gripped her arm with more force as if he was trying to let her know by the touch how strong and capable he was.
She sighed, 'We need to find the notebook.'
'Did you hear me?' he asked, but she just let her hand touch his elbow, 'We will continue tomorrow...you can sneak into dad's room and take the key this time without him waking up. You will go through the lockedup drawers.'
'I don't care about the plan right now,' he spoke his voice sounding upset, angry even.
She opened her eyes. He was frowning at her. Why was he so upset with her? It wasn't her fault she had those dreams haunting her...she didn't to have them. She regretted saying anything in the first place with the way he was acting.
She tried to move away from his hold, 'Maybe you should go.'
He blinked his eyes, all the anger gone from them even his eyebrows softened making the frown disappear, 'Vanya-'
'I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry. You should go to your room-'
'No, Vanya, stop, I...shit,' he cursed.
'Language,' she said automatically while he leaned closer to her, 'Don't say that. I'm sorry. I...I'm not angry at you please don't ever think I'm angry with you. I'm...I'm angry at the whole situation and that you have to go through this. You don't deserve nightmares to haunt you like this, and I don't know...I don't know how to help you.'
Oh, so he wasn't angry at her. He was angry at himself for not being helpful. It sounded like something Five would get worked out about. When you have powers which appears to be limitless, it can make you pretty frustrated if you stumble upon something you can't help with. Especially if it is happening to someone you care about. Vanya felt like when Five was hurt as well, even if she didn't have any powers.
'I need you to get better and to not feel like this...I-what can I do? How can I help?' he asked, his voice without a single trace of anger, only desperation to somehow be useful, to help somehow. Something she was all too familiar with and almost never allowed to be.
Vanya blinked, 'But it's nothing-'
'It's not nothing when you dream of shooting yourself,' he said lowering his voice, 'I don't want you to have to suffer like that. I can't lose you, you...you have no idea how much it scares me what you just described to me. I can't image you having to see it. I noticed...I noticed how you started to touch your head, but I didn't get it. I thought it was a new habit or something, but this...,' he let his finger run into her hair and pressed his palm against her while temple where she had been looking for the entry hole lately, 'There is nothing there. No wound, alright? And there won't be because whatever the hell happened, whatever caused the apocalypse, we will figure it out and stop it.'
We, we, we...
Like she wasn't the useless and the most powerless member of the household.
Vanya sighed, 'It's...,' she didn't want to say okay, 'If you want to help, then let's find the notebook and figure this out. If it's the future then we still have time to stop it, change it. Just like we planned.'
'Vanya,' he said, his voice was shaking.
'Five, don't work yourself up about this so much-'
'I can't,' he greeted through his teeth.
'Why?'
'Because I caused them,' he said bitterly, 'Or my future self. He told you about the apocalypse and shitty future and now you have nightmares.'
Vanya frowned, 'Don't say it like that. This isn't a who's fault is situation,' she sighed a bit trying to calm down.
'You...you trusted me enough to tell me and make me help...you can't imagine how much that means for someone like me,' she admitted.
'Of course, I did...I don't think I trust anyone in this world more than you,' he said it, and she could feel how vulnerable he was in that moment, but she couldn't help, but smiled. He always asked her to trust him, but to admit he trusted her back and so much made her feel better than any assurance would. It was something else to hold on to, then gunshots, and creepy people in black, or apocalypses.
She moved closer to him letting her hand rest against his chest for a moment blaming it on the pills and exhaustion, 'Just sleep next to me like before and maybe when I know you're with me again, I won't see them, alright? Just like we use to?'
She knew it was risky given all the things dad said lately, but she didn't care. She was tired and she missed Five sleeping next to her. Just for tonight, she wanted things to feel the way they did before dad found out and she got numbed down by the pills and Five time travelled. Just for tonight.
Five didn't look or sounded convinced that she was okay, which was good because she wasn't, but he stayed the night close to her with his hand against the side of her head until she felt asleep.
No nightmares came to haunt her that night.
Now
Vanya was in the bathroom. She wanted to brush her teeth when her father passed the room with the bottle of pills. She took one out and swallowed before she opened her mouth and showed her tongue and under it. Once he was satisfied he walked away.
She took the tooth paste and put it on her brush. She closed the door since she felt weirdly exposed. There was a small mirror upon the sink.
She started to brush feeling the brush move against her mouth over her teeth back and front and sides.
She thought about the dream. She had it again the shot, Ben, Five, her siblings older, the mysterious woman who was like her person devil. She felt sick to her stomach as words started to come to her mind seemingly out of nowhere.
I don't want to hurt anyone. They're going to make me do it, aren't they? They're going to make me cause the apocalypse over and over again until I just do. Five, I can't hurt you. Five, I-I-I...I love you...I love you more than...I love you more than I love myself, do you understand?
Vanya didn't even know what was happening until she wasn't on her knees in front of the toilet puking the breakfast out along with what she supposed was most of the content of the pill.
She brushed her mouth with the toilet paper and watched the disgusting leftovers of her stomach before she flushed it and stood up the brush still in her hand. Her throat felt sore from throwing up like that.
She looked at herself in the mirror again seeing the remains of her throwing up on her face. She cleaned her tooth brush until it was spotless and then she washed her face almost until the point it hurt from her scrubbing it so hard.
'Damn it, Vanya, how much longer?' she heard Diego's impatient voice from the outside. She quickly skipped passed him. Luckily he didn't demand an explanation as he rushed inside before someone else would.
Her throat still hurt as she returned to her room to get dressed for, but unlike most of the days when numbness creeped into her head and tuned everything down, now she could feel everything more clearly. She thought about those words...was that a part of the dream from before? She couldn't really tell anymore.
'You alright?' asked Ben as he was suddenly in her doorway probably on his way to the bathroom.
She looked up and smiled nodding not sure if she actually pulled it off, 'Yeah, I'm okay.'
She waited until he left before she looked back at the smallest mirror she had on her desk. It was Allison's old one, but since she got a new one, she gave it to Vanya for some reason, only this time she saw a different face looking back at her. The face of the woman who Five was holding in his arms in her dream. She looked older and very tired and the sadness in her eyes made Vanya heartbroken for some reason. She was smiling though. She had her lips pulled into the smallest of the small smiles almost as if it was only hinted and not actually there.
Vanya couldn't help but think it was the most tragic smile she ever saw.
A.N: Hi there, only one chapter this week. I was literally doing something every day after work through the whole week. Also me and my boyfriend had a 5 year anniversary on Friday so we spent the whole Saturday together.
Anyway, thank you for finding the time to read this, and I hope you enjoyed it and still well like it :) I'm glad you all like the story so far or I hope you do, and I hope you will continue to like it for a long time well at least until I decided how much more chapters I want. Yes, I already have a draft of the ending so all I have to do now is tie it all toward it *internal scream to why I must complicate things so much*
:D hehe no biggie
The next chapter will be as I mentioned before a time-jump to a couple of years to the future. All the siblings will be maybe fifteen or sixteen I haven't decided yet. There will probably be flashbacks from the time they were thirteen or younger as well as a flashback from the old timeline. And yes the mystery man from the kitchen will make an appearance, and no he is not Hazel.
If you want leave a feedback :) if not it is cool as well :)
Have a nice day, until next time :)