Olivia felt the train carriage lurch and shudder around and opened her eyes, trying to adjust to her surroundings. She felt a hand that didn't belong to her own body covering her breast under her shirt.

She realized that it belonged to Trevor and memories of the night before came flooding back.

She wanted to be horrified or even embarrassed, but the warmth of his body against hers felt nice.

She thought about extricating herself from his embrace and grabbing her things to sneak out, but she really just didn't want it to end. She didn't even remember falling asleep, she remembered talking about their kids and was listening to him tell her a story about a client when she must have gone out like a light.

She didn't even mind that he had helped himself to her breasts in the middle of the night. His warm, soft hands, encasing the flesh that was just enough for him to hold; lucky his hands were big because she couldn't have little hands trying to get around her, she thought.

She let her eyes close again, pulling the blanket up beneath her chin.

"Are you awake?" he whispered.

"Mmmm?" she pretended like she hadn't already woken up.

She felt his lips against the crown of her head. "Good morning…" he greeted her.

"Good morning," she replied sleepily. She covered her hand over his upon her breast and smiled despite feeling a little awkward.

She was impressed by his forwardness; not removing his hand, not apologizing for it. It was a little bit of a turn on.

"I never get a sleep in…" he said with a silent yawn.

"Me either…" she replied, still sleepy. She felt very still, unsure of what the morning would bring and steeling herself for awkward politeness after they both got their inhibitions completely back.

"Let's sleep in… let's go crazy," he chuckled, his voice was deeper in the morning.

Olivia laughed too. She let her eyes close again and felt Trevor drawing her closer to him. He was so warm and she fit perfectly in to the curve of his body. She felt his thumb gently brushing the skin of her breast. It made her feel content.

If he wasn't awkward, she wasn't awkward.

She felt him pushing her hair off of her neck wit his free hand. He kissed her nape and rested back down.

Trevor wondered what she was thinking. He tried to keep calm but he could hardly believe he was laying with Olivia Benson, intimately at that. He didn't remember finding his way to her naked breast in the night, but it was there and it felt right and she hadn't protested nor had she pulled away.

He took it as approval when her hand covered his.

He wondered what to expect. What was going to happen when she saw Stabler for the first time since he left? He liked to think that she would be the strong woman that he knew she was and tell him to take a hike, he willed for that, at least.

He felt Olivia's breathing slow and realized she was already back to sleep. He knew how tiring it must have been to work the kind of hours that she did. She was the hardest working-woman he knew. She was always on call and when she wasn't on the clock, she spent her time fielding phone calls from victims past and present between being an involved and active Mom.

She had an immaculate reputation for being the NYPD Wonder Woman, but unfortunately it left very little time for herself.

He wondered what a relationship with her would look like.

He tried not to get his hopes up, it probably wasn't the great love story that Helena kept telling him he could have if he kept his options open, but he didn't want to defeat his hope before it even had a chance to bloom.

At least he knew that he could count on Olivia to give him personal space, to not want to be in his orbit 24/7; she would respect his alone time but that would have probably made him want to be around her all the time.

His new job in the DA's Office was scary and unlike anything he'd ever done before; the idea of attending a conference known to many as the scumbag criminal defendant was daunting and he was aware that he wasn't well-liked, not because people had fairly made up their mind about him as a person, but purely because he defended the rapists and paedophiles.

He hoped he could turn it around.

All he had to do was think of the little girl; the victim's daughter and it made him realize he had made the right career choice. His shrink had assured him so, but his ego still came in to play at times.

He tried to lay beside her and keep still and let her rest, but he was an early riser too – his body clock wouldn't allow him to go back to sleep, so he let go of her and slowly and gently slipped his arm out from her shirt and eased out of bed.

He winced as she began to stir, but she rolled over and slipped both of her hands under her cheek in a prayer-like pose and continued with her steady, even breathing.

He tried to think about anything else other than his half-erection.

He scratched his head and picked up his bag on the luggage holder and got out a fresh pair of jocks, another wife beater and made his way to the bathroom.

He washed his hair and thought about the night and just how close he came to sleeping with Olivia. He'd never ever slept with a woman on the first date regardless of how heavily it'd been thrown on the table.

Sure, he'd had one-night-stands, but they were never dates to begin with and both parties knew what it was. It had been a very long time since he'd dated or even had sex, a little too long, he thought as he let the shitty trickle of water pressure wash over him. He had to duck to get his face beneath it. It wasn't built for a man of his height.

He got dry and put on some clothes. The train was supposed to arrive in Chicago just after 1pm. He decided to order some breakfast and get Olivia up. Despite him not wanting her to go, he figured she might have some prep work to do, he had heard that she was delivering a presentation.

He put on a pair of jeans and a form-fitting blue t shirt.

He sprayed himself with deodorant and put on his cologne and looked at the breakfast options. He had a little headache from the wine, he realized so he wanted something hearty.

He took a seat at the table that was affixed to the wall of the little deluxe carriage and got sidetracked and began looking at his phone. There was a message from his ex, Helena. "Hi honey, have you left for Chicago yet? Eloise is going to visit your mother tomorrow after daycare. I have a job interview at a legal firm in Chelsea Heights. Wish me luck. I've asked your mother to call you tomorrow night for a facetime with Eloise. Have fun and be safe, xo Lena"

He replied immediately, "Thanks for letting me know, I didn't realize you were looking for work. I bet you'll kill it. Show them how amazing you are. I'll call my Mom later and set it up. Give my baby a kiss and a cuddle from her Daddy. You'll rock this, Lena xo."

He glanced over to see Olivia awake, looking around, finding her bearings.

"Good morning," he smiled.

She quickly sat up. "Why didn't you wake me? What time is it?" she seemed hyper-alert and suddenly self-conscious. She crossed her arms in front of her chest.

He couldn't help but to smile. Her hair was a little disheveled and she looked cute, he thought. "Olivia, relax," he said calmly, putting his phone down. "You said you never get to sleep in, so I wanted you to sleep in…" he replied.

"But you're up and…"

"And so what? I was enjoying sitting here watching you sleep like an absolute fucking weirdo."

Hearing him curse made her smile; cursing sounded so harsh coming from his mouth – he was usually well spoken and polite with words.

He got up and went to the opposite side of where the clothes cupboard was and gave her a fresh, unused towel and a face towel. "Here… why don't you go in there and use the shower or whatever you need to do… there's even a wrapped toothbrush you can use, its part of the amenities, but I have my own…"

"Thanks," she murmured, taking the towel, wondering how she was going to collect her bra and her pants without him seeing her ass cheeks.

Trevor stared at her for a moment and realized her hesitation. "Sorry," he chuckled, "I'll give you some privacy."

They caught eyes for a second and his smile turned in to a cheeky grin.

"Thanks, you don't really want to see my ass this early in the morning," she joked a little self-aware.

He shrugged, sitting back in the bench chair, letting his arm hang over the back of it. "You're wrong about that, sweet heart, I'm happy to see your ass any time of the day," he teased.

"Oh jeez," she murmured, her cheeks flushing, "Trevor Langan, you are the worst," she laughed, covering her face, still sitting on the bed's edge with the covers pulled over her waist.

He laughed, "I'm sorry, I'm just playing with you." He turned his back, "seriously, I won't turn around."

"Thanks," she smiled, getting up and grabbing her bra from the floor and dashing to the bathroom.

He heard the water start and the clatter of the shower door closing. He smiled to himself, thankful that the whole morning encounter wasn't awkward or weird.

Olivia managed to keep her hair from getting wet; her make up was a little smudged but she fixed it up slightly with the cloth that Trevor had provided.

She felt fresher and a little less self-conscious now that everything was in place. She hung the towel up behind the door and emerged back in to the room. She was surprised to see that Trevor had made the bed and everything looked clean and tidy, as if there hadn't been clothes and half full wine glasses and a platter of food just left out overnight.

"I should go…" she said a little awkwardly.

"Do you want a coffee or to eat?"

"I've been wearing these clothes for 24 hours, I should get changed," she replied. "I already have to do a walk of shame," she added. Her head was a little bit sore from the whisky and wine too.

"Well… how about…" he stood up, "I give you half an hour or so and we can meet back at the restaurant for brunch? Or … am I … reading the signs wrong?"

Olivia smiled at his warmth and forwardness.

"I don't think you're reading anything wrong… I don't know what this…" she pointed back and forth between them, "is, to be honest."

He held up his hands in surrender, "Okay, well, let's just say it is what it is and we get some brunch?"

"Okay," she agreed, "but then I have to get some work done." She liked it that he didn't immediately get weird.

"Okay, it's a date," he said cheekily. "I'll see you later, Ms. Benson," she opened the door and glanced back at him as she was about to take a step out. She turned back to him.

"By the way, you look good in that shirt, Mr. Langan." She didn't allow him to say anything in response. She pulled the door closed and went back to her room with a smile on her face.

Olivia sat down on her bed and took a deep breath. What a night, she thought. She took a deep breath and laid back just so that she could take a moment and collect her feelings.

She was having a lot of them.

She couldn't get rid of the scent of him; the smell lingered over her or at least it seemed. He was so masculine and big and his kisses were like silk on her skin. She remembered the comfort of his hands in intimate places, his mouth over her breasts, his tongue against the most sensitive parts – she almost shivered at the thought. He was sensual, not grabby or quick to move to the immediate prize.

She waved air before her face as if she was genuinely working up a sweat.

Olivia's immediate feelings as Trevor climbed off of her was to be offended and to feel rejected, but his quick placating and sincerity replaced that feeling with respect.

He was sweet and kind and she believed him when he said he liked her.

She had a bad track record of wasting her time with the wrong men and often questioned their sincerity, but there was something in Trevor's eyes when he looked at her that made her very aware that he wasn't trying to trick her or use her for sex or even to be anything but how he presented himself; honest.

And even though his suits proved hard to get off of him, seeing him in the one he was wearing the night before really did something to her.

She slowly sat forward and got up to look for clothes.

She found a black knitted sweater to put on. It hugged her without looking boxy or too big, she thought, staring at herself from a couple of angles. She put on a pair of dark blue jeans.

She checked her phone as she sprayed her perfume and realized she had a few texts. The first was from Fin just updating her on a case that had gone well in court. The next text was from Melinda who she had been avoiding since their drink almost a week back.

"Hey Liv, just checking in, how are you going? Have you seen him yet? I was just worried about you…. I hear you're off to a conference. Lemme know how you are."

She knew it wasn't Melinda's fault that Elliot had taken a new job and was back in Manhattan, she shouldn't have been avoiding her for giving a shit about her.

"Hi Mel, I'm fine and no I haven't seen him yet. I'm on my way to Chicago. Fuck Elliot, honestly. I'm over it but I do appreciate you checking in. Excited about the conference…. Remember when you mentioned you just wanted to hang out more? I may have something to talk about… I don't do this kind of thing well, having friends, but umm… I may need to bounce something off of someone I can trust."

She felt weird after sending the text; it wasn't often that she confided in anyone. Even though she felt emotionally close to Ed Tucker, she found sharing personal things that nobody knew a little cringe-y. She didn't feel that way about anyone else sharing their feelings with her, but it just felt awkward, clunky and unnatural.

As Olivia grabbed her purse, her phone began to ring. It was Melinda.

She picked it up. "Hey…" she felt a little nervous about the conversation she wanted to have but didn't know if she was going to be able to bring herself to have.

"Olivia, sorry, your text excited me," she laughed. "I had to call you and find out."

"Oh honey," Olivia started to laugh too, "your life must be sad…"

They both chuckled. "I don't really know how to talk about this kind of thing," she said to Melinda, "but… I need to know someone else's thoughts on the matter."

"Okay," Melinda replied, a little more serious, "well whatever you say unless it's criminal related, is between us and no one else."

"Well, I only have a few minutes, but um… I'm not sure how to say it.", she sighed but gave a little laugh, "and it's not criminal, but if it keeps up at this rate, it might be," she joked realizing awkwardly that given that Melinda had no context, her joke fell flat.

"Olivia," Melinda began, wondering where this conversation was headed, "what is your deal?" she asked her bluntly, "whether you like it or not, I am your friend and I consider you to be one to me, just spit it out."

Olivia felt stupid. "This was a bad idea," she mumbled, "I dunno what I'm doing-"

"Is it a work thing?" Melinda ignored her, not giving her a way out. She was tired of watching her friend avoid her feelings and getting things off of her chest, or simply having someone to talk to.

"No, not really…" Olivia replied. "I guess I just had a surprising meeting with someone we both know."

"Okay," Melinda smiled, "so not Elliot?"

"No… definitely not Elliot," she replied, taking a seat back on her bed for a moment. She put Melinda on speaker and texted Trevor to let him know she was on a call and would be about 5 minutes late.

"Alright so Liv, is this a romantic encounter or…?"

"Yeah… it's someone that I thought was a total scumbag and it turns out, he's … the opposite," she found herself smiling at the thought of his eyes staring in to hers, so serious but also so cheeky and fun when he was teasing.

"Tell me who it is," Melinda laughed, "I demand to know, this is how a female friendship works. You say you're not going to tell anyone, but you always tell someone." Olivia laughed. "I am that someone, Liv."

Olivia felt herself relaxing a little. "Trevor Langan," she blurted out. "Please don't repeat this to anyone," she said quickly, feeling guilty.

"Relax Liv, I'm not going to tell anyone. Langan is incredible looking… so tall, oof girl, what happened?"

"He's on the train, he ended up with a deluxe suite – I got this stupid seat with a curtain so I upgraded my room to a regular room-"

"Wait, wait, wait… how do you know Trevor Langan got the big room?" she began to laugh, "Oliiiiivia, tell me everything."

Olivia's cheeks went bright red despite the fact that Melinda couldn't see her. "Well, we had dinner and drinks together, by the end of the night I asked him if he wanted to see how small my room was for a laugh and then… he asked if I wanted to see his, and I stayed for a drink, before I knew it, he was ordering a cheese platter and we were…"

"getting it on," Melinda finished with a laugh.

"No," Olivia quickly stopped her, "no, we didn't have sex, we just made out for awhile and I slept in bed with him…" she let her voice trail, "he was a little handsy but it didn't go too far."

"Wow…. Go Olivia Benson!" Melinda was happy for her and was happy that Trevor Langan could serve as a wonderful distraction from Elliot. "How do you feel about him? What was he like? Nice guy or …better for the physical?"

Olivia thought about it, "Just really sweet, lovely," she paused thinking, "gentlemanly, funny and a little bit cheeky," she realized she sounded giddy but she was growing comfortable as she chattered to Melinda.

Melinda laughed. "Will you see him again or is this like a fling-type thing?"

"I am going to meet him for brunch in about 5 minutes… but then I have to try to concentrate on the conference," she replied with a sigh. "Try to at least…"

Melinda laughed, "so it sounds like it's something, is there a spark?"

"Maybe…" Olivia answered honestly. "I guess I'll figure it out as to whether or not he wants anything to do with me when we get back to New York. I don't want to mistake it for something its not."

"I understand that," Melinda replied seriously, "but don't be scared of it, don't do the usual Olivia Benson thing where girl catches feelings and doesn't know what to do with them so she self-sabbotages."

Olivia scoffed, "Low blow, Doc."

Melinda laughed, "you think we don't see you, Liv, but we see you. You try to hide your feelings, but every time you feel something you shut down. I'm not trying to pick at your flaws, I am just trying to tell you that the people that love and care about you are used to being pushed away by you – not all of us are going to do to you what Elliot did—most of us are here to stay for good, don't ruin something with fear."

Olivia tried to process what Melinda was getting at. "Okay."

"You have everything to offer the right man. If he's a good guy, let him offer you what he can and show him that amazing Olivia Benson who is full of love and warmth. We know her better than you do."

"Thanks Melinda."

"Go get your man," she replied, "I'll call you later."

Olivia hung up and took the advice in.

She hated showing her feelings. She would never ever get over how monumentally hurt she had been by Elliot Stabler.

There was a tiny part of her that held a candle for him, she barely wanted to admit it to herself; that she would forgive him and begin to pine for him again. That same part of her was frightened to move forward with anyone else just on the off chance Elliot returned and wanted her.

She wanted him to want her – the biggest rejection she had ever felt in her life was when she had all but begged him to stay and he didn't, couldn't…. whatever.

She drew in a deep breath and counted to ten.

It wasn't even that serious with Trevor. It was just a night of kissing, a little touching and spooning in the night. To be perfectly clear, she probably never encountered intimacy that didn't involve sex with Brian or Ed, so already she felt a certain kind of way about it.

Not once did she wake up to either of her ex's spooning her close, burying their lips in her hair or touching her intimate places without expecting that it was going to lead to sex.

She knew deep within her immediately that Trevor had something special that they didn't. She couldn't help but cringe when she considered how long she lasted with Cassidy. Her therapist had suggested that she endured such a toxic relationship because anything was less toxic than what she had been through with Lewis; that she was accepting the love that she thought she deserved.

She visibly shuddered as she got up, closing the door behind her – not wanting to think about Brian Cassidy for another wasted second.